☎️ Rabbi Shais Taub LIVE call-in show

this is episode number two of the live call-in show yeah so uh just before we went live I was told by a friend you need a name for this show hold on this wearing this head you know I'm going to flip the headset around okay so it looks like he did a little chat GPT this is what it looks like to me name suggestions number one Soul talk live number two and if you like any of these name suggestions let us know um how can you let us know you can um send us a WhatsApp at the soulwords WhatsApp which is I'm going to read the number right here soulwords WhatsApp is 516 21 and uh just let us know you like any of these names or any other feedback that you may have okay so here are the some of the name suggestions that came in okay number one Soul talk live number two ask ask Rabbi tab that's already the name of the Amy column I think okay number three tab talks a little alliteration number four Soul words live I like that Soul words live number five conversations with Rabbi T number six live with Rabbi shaab number seven spiritual connections number eight T's talk line number nine Jewish insights live that's in case they want to fire me and replace me me number 10 Rabbi tab's open line or incorporate the YouTube channel name number one soulwords live colon rabit tab unscripted number two soulwords conversations and number three YouTube live with rabash tab choose the one that resonates with your audience and and the show's tone okay I'm pretty sure that's chat GPT all right so I want to thank my kids who caused this to happen this is really originally I think the brainchild of my son-in-law Mishi of Mishi David stama yungan who pushed for this to happen this was his idea that this should be the call-in show and then he made it happen the first one that we did was during the intermediate days of sucus when the whole family was here at the house I'm in the home studio right now and uh we did our first inaugural Soul wordss live is that what we're calling it okay um and now we're trying another another one so wordss live number two and now my son yr got into the mix yr tab is the building manager at the schlam office on Eastern Parkway and as such he has a lot of contacts he's very uh connected guy so he said you know I know a guy who I we have a phone guy who does our phone system in the SCH office I'm going to talk to him and I'm G to find out if he can set up a phone system for the live show and he did so thank you y for setting up the um phone system by the way guys there's a little WhatsApp group called slw Callin Center which I guess is so words what is slw soul words live Soul words what is slw Callin Center okay so could somebody from the family who's on the soul wordss live call-in Center uh WhatsApp chat even just post anything letting me know that this is actually working is anyone really even listening to this does anyone know what time it is does anyone really care okay um oh I see a comment in the YouTube comments uh so wordss live is good brand okay fine so uh yeah anybody listening mishi's typing woohoo tyel tyel is mishi's wife but I knew tyo before she was M's wife I knew tyo when she was just my little baby daughter sunrise sunset okay all right so now I'm going to go oh you do you want me to give out the phone number for calling in no we don't want to give out the phone number so I just want to explain to everybody how this works a lot of people sent us suggestions of topics I'm not doing that that's not how this works what what I'm not I'm not here to talk about topics you call in and I talk to you but we have to make sure that it's not just a bunch of uh trolls so you email first and then if we think you're serious then we send you the call-in number okay so oh I have to join the call oh my goodness okay should be working now okay hello who am I talking to is Avi here yes my name is Avi amazing it finally worked okay we made technical difficulty is over yes we've overcome our technical difficulties okay wonderful wonderful thank you for joining us this is so um nice of you to be willing to have this discussion here in front of all of your closest friends on YouTube okay so what's up all right uh I wanted to discuss with you um something that's been causing me not anguish but a little bit of a little bit of of Sorrow I guess uh both to me and to uh some of my friends uh I emailed I emailed in a two-part question uh and I guess we we'll start with the first part so um I'm uh I come from a Moroccan sapharic descent uh as do uh my friends and uh recently I was um I was speaking with a girl uh and we I'm I'm in my um mid 20s I should say my mid 20s L load of mid 20s uh I'm Bala but I come from a from a dynasty of of rabbis uh in Morocco uh including my grandfather so uh I've I've been around uh uh the Orthodox Judaism and now I'm an orthodox je myself and uh and I was recently speaking to a girl uh who is uh who kabad through and through uh from Brooklyn uh and uh we hit it off very well we spoke for over two weeks um really we really enjoyed each other's company we we we we agreed on everything we had similar views on everything and at the end of it she said to me you know I don't want to speak to you anymore because you're not a okay and I was I was really taken back I was really taken back by that um I could say Okay Kap you know Kap not for me whatever yeah my issue my issue is more how do we how what do we do as a as a community not it's not just on the dating side you know I I've obviously there are more ashkanazi Jews here in the United States than there are mizi Jews so when I'm in Jewish spaces I find myself being the outlier a little bit looked a little bit a little bit differently maybe I don't have Das as the pronunciation of the words and I stick out um my friend recently one of my friends were studying in a in in ASA and um the SP custom is when we're when we're doing to put the talit over the head and um in that Yesa they they wore the Hat instead and um my friend put his taled over his head and the rabbi came in the middle of his Ding and ripped the talit off of him and he told me he ripped the talit off of my head and slammed the Hat down on me nice okay yeah yeah yeah how do we Okay but there's there's a few going on over something like this okay so first of all yeah let's let's talk about this story about the the girl you were dating um that that was the I wouldn't call it dating we yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't call it dating but yeah okay um we getting there you were getting there you were in the pre-dating yes let's call it predating you recording yes yes okay so yeah you know marriage is um an Endeavor of building a home together and in order to do that you really have to be on the same page as far as values so it makes sense that somebody says I want to marry somebody who shares my same very specific ideological background um what's kind of not nice about it is if she had those strong convictions then she probably should have known that beforehand so you know it's not very nice the way she handled it but to me that's not a terrible thing for somebody to say you know what I just realized you're coming from a different uh hashkafa a different framework and I just realized for me it's very important to raise my family in this very specific way so it's just it's not going to work between us I if if indeed that's the discussion if it's about marriage because even though there are many valid ways there are many valid ways to raise a Jewish home but you know you got to kind of pick one you got to pick a Lane right um yeah yeah but aside from Marriage let's just talk about being respectful of each other's um customs and and and way of life uh I mean you know I'm sure you know the the power of AK is or uh you know Jewish unity and uh from the positive you can infer the opposite how devastating it is when God forbid there is anything less than Unity Among Us and unity isn't just between individuals but it's also between communities and to love and respect the holy traditions of all the different communities within the amus so yeah that's uh that's an important thing it's a tough one it's it's something it's something that I I I've been experiencing more and more as I travel through Jewish spaces um I tend to I I I was doing by myself for a while now I I have a I have a that that that shares my my so that's that makes it a little easier but but at the same time it's when I when I even at a Jewish grocery store I'll walk into a Jewish grocery store in a ashkanazi neighborhood because I I I need I need an ingredient and um I wear a kipa all the time uh but I I and then sometimes I wear teach Katan but not all the time and um and uh I'll be looked at like I'm an alien like they'll ask me what am I doing there you know it's I'm like wait a minute this is the K on my head invisible am I am I not a Jew uhuh do I yeah you know I should go I want to go to a a Kosher grocery with you and I I want to confront these people we should go in together it's it's it's such a strange strange experience I yeah and and I can't I can't pretend to know what that feels like um yeah it's actually I'm I mean I don't want to sound insensitive but I'm admitting my ignorance I I can't even imagine that experience like I it I I believe you because this is your experience but it's like I've it's it's hard for me to even imagine what that would be like it's it's I it's very strange because I am an orthodox Jew and and there is a a kip in my head when when I walk into these places but I guess this the the way that I you know sometimes I'm around a lot of Israelis so I I'm and my family is Israeli so I speak hio so I'll go into a place and they'll and sometimes they'll speak to me in yish and I'm like I don't speak yish and I'll speak back in Hebrew you know is that good enough to pass the test find something common and usually it's not no and no it's it's it's such it's such a strange where are you going shopping don't call out the don't call out the exact store I don't want to say the exact store but what neighborhood where are you shopping There Are Places C certain places in South Florida that are that are that are very strong ashkanazi communities that's where you that's where you live in South Florida I do live in South Florida yeah I I moved from from New York to South Florida that's such a thing because if you were telling me this was like you know Poland in the in the in the in the 1850s then I I could imagine there are people who never saw anyone even remotely different than whoever they grew up with but in a Melting Pot like America and especially like a met Metropolis like South Florida I I think at this point all Jews have sort of experienced all of the different types of varieties and every every type of Jewish community and it's very strange so what you would think you would think you would fix you know when I it it's not it's not like it happens all the time but it happens enough where it's where it's it's not a problem because it doesn't like because most of the time it doesn't asend me because I know that they're coming from a place of curiosity like whoa who's this guy you know but but it but sometimes it comes from uh you're not one of us place and and and it and it doesn't just bother me it bothers if it my my friend who who who is a farida kid who just went and studied in the mirror is is back from Israel learns you know all the way and and he still kind of sticks out in in in those spaces in the shat and they and they they they he's like a novelty an alien it's so I I conferred with him and it's so just to make sure it's not just me right he had a similar experience yeah okay my question is how do how do we really like how do we bridge the gap when when in that when somebody is when I when I get that experience of of you're not one of us yeah you know I I'm I'm not sorry if it maybe it happens like oh kabad oh you're not kabad you're bre oh you're not bre you're satar maybe it maybe it happens in those spaces I'm not really [Music] sure um how do you deal with this feeling that somebody is looking at you as as some type of other um well I I think it depends it depends it's coming from also like if it if it's coming from a from a from a Jew from a fellow Jew it it hurts sometimes because I'm I'm a b Chua you know I'm I'm a recent B Chua over of less than two years um so and uh to my thinking really the most important thing before we even discuss the pr aspect of this like how do we educate others to me the important thing is to begin with my own Clarity in other words and and this could be about your your identity as a Jew and it could be about anything else when somebody else is looking you as less than and causing you to question yourself the first question before we even get into well how can I educate this person or even should I even attempt to educate this person before we even get into that the much more important question is am I clear with myself in other words is there a part of me that's questioning me so and I'm not saying that this is the case but if we're having this discussion right now in front of everyone who's listening I would say the first thing in a case like this is for the person who's experiencing this feeling of rejection to check inside of his or her own heart and make sure there's no part of yourself that's rejecting yourself meaning you have to be clear about your identity yeah yeah and I and I've had this I I've had a similar thought and i' and I've done a lot of searching and this is and and I am exactly where I'd like to be um right now especially in my in my Judaism you know my parents are not are not um super religious but my my grandparents absolutely are uh s uh Mas all the whole nine yard somebody's writing in the YouTube chat that here's the solution move to Flatbush ashaz other minority in certain parts yeah but he doesn't want the winters he doesn't want to I I didn't used I used to live in new Basin so I know the deal yeah but he likes he likes Florida he wants to stay in Florida okay I love yeah I don't want to stay in Florida no it's it's not about I I'm I'm bem I'm around a lot of people who share my my and all of that so it's not it's not a huge deal for and things like that but when I when I go around in other Jewish spaces when I'll go to a Jewish uh young a young Jewish conference or a young Jewish uh you know people things for people my age to to meet each other or connect that's where where I run where I run into things there and and and and ironically the ashaz a grocery store but okay so I want to say to everyone who's listening right now that AVI has brought up an incredibly important point and as I mentioned before our strength is is or in honor of a I'm going to say is and we have to embrace each other and part of our strength is our diversity part of our strength is that there's such a rich tapestry of different Traditions within our people and come on guys let's Embrace each other you don't have to be like the other doesn't mean you have to be a conformist see this is one of the things that sometimes people misunderstand we don't all we don't we don't all have to be like each other you can retain your distinct ideology and your Customs you don't have to be like anyone else but at the same time they don't have to be like you and this is this is part of the strength of our people okay anyways Avi this was a really important point I'm glad you brought it up we have another caller who's holding on the line right now so I want to be respectful of her time and get to her so I'm gonna of course move to the next call but that was an awesome subject and thank you for bringing it up and I'm sure that it will resonate with people and uh move them to reflect on this important Point okay it was a pleasure quot up thank you very much when you're when you're ready to come down to Florida you come you you stay we have rice on PES yeah but I won't be able to eat it I will respect you're eating the rice on PES but I'm not you know I had a discussion with a friend of mine would you be willing to trade rice on PES for S and no I would not because r Rice on I wouldn't I wouldn't do in is too much for me you I I'll I'll miss the rice for eight days but at any rate amazing I appreciate it thank you so much okay our next caller tell me uh when our next caller is on the line I think our next caller is a woman Zohar is that correct hi hi hello this is hi hi so you're on you're on live with us what would you like to talk about um okay never done this before so okay um can I just go back to my email and read kind of what I wrote maybe okay but I think it'll be more compelling for people who just speak from the heart okay sure okay sorry I just got nervous okay um so I'm 31-year old female I've been married for eight beautiful years and without children by personal choice okay my husband desires children very much I do not but when looking back at childhood I imagined my life Married with Children and when I met my husband I still desired a growing family at some point like not right away but eventually so the one thing that has changed uh is I experienced trauma um I battled cancer two years after like our wedding I was like 26 27 years old during when I battled cancer in like Brash in remission thank God yeah um yeah so there's trauma there okay so anyone who's ever dealt with trauma you you deal with it to a certain point you feel trauma free and then you dig a little more and there's more and there's always more so right now I could tell you I'm 100% you know I've done the work but we know that there's always more work to be done anyway um yeah so my husband is amazing understanding talk about everything thank God thank god um it's he didn't desire children this wouldn't be a topic this wouldn't be a wouldn't be a discussion like I would just be like okay my kid like awesome um but I I know in my bones that he was born to be a father and I don't doubt that I would be this mother like my personality I'm very just it's not that and so when I really have done the work to dig deep and sit with myself and sit with myself and do and sit with myself and spiritual way it comes down to this the the pregnancy part of of of it all and I understand you can become a mother without pregnancy but specifically here I'm talking about pregnancy and I guess I've already self diagnosed myself I'll just share okay but the what I think and I don't know because I don't want to like tip you off of what you think but I think that and this is my sound dark you're afraid you're afraid that you're going to bias Me That by you saying what you think of your situation it's going to lead me in that direction well you're 100% right but I want to tell you why why it's a it's not a problem um you use the term self diagnosis in my op okay so first of all I'm not a doctor not a clinician I don't do any type of diagnosis so when we use the term diagnosis we're using it colloquially meaning we're using it as a an expression okay so by diagnosis what we mean is an assessment right and that's how you meant it but I just want to explain to the listeners okay the only diagnosis that ever matters is self- diagnosis I'm going to say that again the only diagnosis that ever matters is self- diagnosis to the extent that there was I forget his name now he was one of the fathers of modern medicine he was actually a Canadian doctor somebody will Google it and put it in the chat but uh he used to say listen to the patient he is telling you the diagnosis okay I believe that we are incredibly intuitive and that we know what our problem is one of the skills that I've developed over the years is listening for this self- diagnosis moment where somebody will tell me what problem is I hold on to it I wait till they're done telling their story then I just say back to them what they told me and they say you're amazing how did you know that and I say you told me and it's it's not just a party trick of impressing people like they think you read their mind it's called cold reading actually where you guess around the words that people are using and you know until you guess warmer and warmer but there's something spiritually true about this we are intuitive we are in tune we do know ourselves okay sometimes there's confusion that's layered on top of that and so we speak to somebody who's compassionate who can help us to pull away the layers of confusion but there's no doubt in my mind that each of us really does know what our issue is and so with that whole long introduction what I want to say to you is own it just tell me you know what it is so tell it to me and we'll talk through it you name what it is and then we'll talk through it you with me um yes I yes that speaks that's Bullseye yes that's Bullseye okay I to being a very intuitive spiritual kind of highly sensitive person um anyway um so back to the pregnancy Factor yeah but you were about to tell me what it is about you yes so oh well I think it it comes down to the thought of of of I I guess I'll go back to the trauma is that yeah I'm sorry about the dog working in the background almost um that goes back to this trauma is I'm sorry that this will on dark but it's the truth is that I I I just lived for a very long time thinking okay will I see will I see tomorrow will I fall asleep tonight and see tomorrow so I I eventually desensitized myself to become very comfortable with the thought of of death in like a very logical way I'm saying that without emotion right now yeah and so that's what kept me survival mode that's it's it protects you and so I I don't know if this makes sense but I'm almost protect myself from deeply bonding with a baby in a womb because I'm in the back of my head I still think well what if I live in a feminal life yeah so I'm almost like cutting yeah away to guard myself 100% and I'm okay with I'm so okay with that too and if you wouldn't be married to your husband who's destined to be an awesome father it wouldn't be an issue because you would just move on in life right right but Hashem and His Infinite Wisdom saw to it that you are married to your husband and so it is an issue and it is a conflict but I just want to tell you something I 100% believe your what we're calling quote unquote diagnosis I think you nailed it I think that's 100% what it is I just want to say it back to you because it might hit a little bit different when you hear it in another person's voice you were told something that nobody wants to hear you were told that your life was at risk the doctor said you're not well and that's the you know that's the worst news that you can get and you were living with that shock which you call a trauma very you rightly call that a trauma the trauma of being told you could die God forbid and one of the ways you survived that emotionally and mentally during the years before your remission was you embraced death and you said okay if it's here for me great and you became ambivalent about life and death and you did that as a coping mechanism because you knew that you needed to retain your sanity and that's how you did it and you did retain your sanity but you and thank God you you went into remission but now even though the cancer is in remission there's this mental hold over which is I spent two years hypnotizing myself for survival purposes that I don't care about life and I can't shake that feeling it's still with me and how am I supposed to care about a baby's life growing inside of me if I don't even care about my own life if you want to adjust anything that I've just said please feel free to do so I I would say I connected with all of it um except for that last sentence is I I so value life um and I can I can I can value a child your own life own life and others okay I do um I feel purposeful it took me time to regain that purpose but I I I'm there um thank god um it's it's I guess I'll just throw another layer in here is I've even been able to wrap my mind around the thought of like adopting or if it was like koser or surrogacy like which I know sounds wild but I'm like it's like something very specific about caring a child that makes me feel like physically ill like that part of that's that's the factor and and I've had to and I've had to into the thought of parenting right I've had to understand after like like you said hasem like you're with your husband like you this is it's it's coming up it's GNA be a from time to for all the time and and so can can I ask you that is the specific is is any aspect of the fear the very reasonable fear that pregnancy will be difficult on your body and you're not physically up to it part of it is okay but I think that every physical is rooted in something that is you know you are 100% correct that's really what I okay so you are a uh God-fearing woman a believing Jew and here's what I want to advise you on this part of it there's there's there are multiple parts of this situation so this what I'm about to tell you only deals with one part of it but regarding the fear about physically being up to it healthwise here's what I recommend to you you you you have a a physician a doctor that you know and who cares about you and knows your story okay okay thank god um you ask this doctor even if you know what the answer is you ask the doctor do I have medical approval to be pregnant now you might tell me I've already asked already know but I'm saying you get even get it in writing doesn't have to be but I'm saying if that would make you feel more comfortable yes the doctor says you are able to withstand pregnancy that it's medically advisable okay now I'm just curious the likelihood is if you ask your doctor your doctor would say it is medically advisable or not uh yes I never about to ask and not to sound like arrogant but like I don't really care what other people think even if it is a I know but let me tell you let me I I know I know that but I'm telling I'm telling you why but I'm in the middle of a a twostep process okay because I told you from the beginning that you know it's fine but I told you you're a God-fearing woman and a believing Jew so well this is why I'm telling you then you go to a do a real RV a rabbi who who can make halic decisions on health issues the kind of Rabbi they call when God forbid they end of life issues or or when there's a when there's a a pregnancy which is a a risk to to the mother someone who can make real life and death decisions and and and if you can't find such a person then contact me through email and I'll refer you to someone who has this level of expertise AIC um what we call AIS somebody who has the ability to make H decisions regarding medical issues and you go to this R and you say I I had cancer I'm in remission my doctor I asked my doctor my doctor says it is medically advisable meaning if I so desire I am I mean it's medically okay for me to withstand pregnancy I want to be told that according to Torah it is permissible for me because Torah will not allow you to do anything that would put your life in danger so the reason I want you to ask for this Pak for this H ruling is because at least that part of your hesitancy I know the we I said before the there are different parts of this issue but that part about it about being concerned just physically if you're up for it if you have a RV tell you that according to Torah you are able to do this this doesn't just give you permission it empowers you it gives you the spiritual wherewithal to actually do it and and I believe that some for someone like you that would be incredibly meaningful and it would give you a lot of strength and Clarity yeah so that piece of it okay so that and that resonates with you so that piece of it I would do that procedure go to the to to a doctor who knows you and say I know this sounds crazy maybe even think this is like a like a no-brainer I want to be told that it is medically advisable for me to withstand pregnancy or not and if it's not then it's not okay in which case then you go to the same R and you say it's medically unadvisable for me to get pregnant and if the if a doctor tells you it's not safe for you to be pregnant the rabbi will tell you you're not allowed to get pregnant you're not allowed so Torah will always put Health First so if a doctor says it's medically unadvisable a rabbi will tell you then then Tor will not only tell you you don't have to get pregnant toor will tell you're not allowed to endanger yourself you're not allowed to endanger yourself but if it is medically advisable and then the rabbi tells you it is permissible then I think that I know you say you don't care what other people think but this is how we get hashem's green so to speak Hashem gave us a system of Torah and there's a system for how to receive a ruling an authoritative ruling and I know that this would be meaningful to you yeah okay so I think we have we have part of a Sol we have part of a solution not the whole solution but we have part of a solution okay um but let's talk about the trauma and let's talk about because I understand it partially but not completely I get this that you basically adopted this attitude of I I call it being ambivalent about life and death but you know sort of just accepting okay if you know if I die I die um not I don't mean it in like in a callous way but more like in a way of like yeah being Courageous about it okay and then but I want to understand this yeah explain it to me a little bit more what what you're left with now like what's your current attitude yeah like I don't think about it dayto day anymore think on like it took a long time to get here for a lot of work but um the attitude is I'm it goes with my personality like I'm not a vulnerable person naturally I'm just not I'm very guarded I don't trust humans I don't I I trust God I came up twice now my husband jfy yeah and and animals the fact that you don't trust people came up twice yes you're right so I guess you know where that comes from by the way just for fun sometimes things are connected I mean everything is always connected sometimes we see the connection I've never been I've never been hurt by someone to say hey I had this incident and this but I I I guess I've always been like that observant child in the room watching and like I was kind of the adult as a kid and like always remember see people like hey I don't want to be I don't want to be that emotional mess over there I don't want you know I want kind are you the oldest child I no I'm number four of five girls four of five so why are you so hyper competent why were you a little adult as a child cuz if you tell me you're a firstborn that's very don't have textbook I don't have the answer to that I'm I don't have the answer to that but you're saying you're hypers sensitive and you always noticed a lot of stuff I I notice everything you Noti everything everything and maybe you noticed so much that it made you feel unsafe I I definitely lacked as physically safe I lacked emotional stability for sure right to me stability and security most important thing and nobody could take care of it for you so you developed this hyper Independence and lack of trust in people very hyper independent yeah people are just people people are just people that's by the way I know that it comes from like a dysfunctional coping mechanism in you where you like say that people are just people but it actually happens to be true and it's a ve it's a very healthy attitude people are just people and one of the ways that we get burnt is when we start putting people on a pedestal because really trust should only be trust in Hashem we could love people we could connect with people we can we can sympathize with them but it's not always well it's usually never a good idea to put our trust in people because they're people they're they're just people even even me it's like I know people look oh the rabbi is so smart no I'm just a guy I'm just a guy and um by the way I get the feeling from you that even when you're talking to me which is refreshing for me cuz a lot of people talk to me like I'm you know channeling uh some higher truth I I get the sense you're also like you respect the fact that I'm talking to you but you you understand that everything that I'm saying I'm a human being and it could be wrong this is my first time doing anything like this because you don't trust people okay I've never okay so amazing because you don't again because you don't trust people okay but th this is great okay and and at the end of the day like I said earlier when we're talking uh about your self diagnosis I said that you know the truth intuitively so at the end of our whole conversation I'm not going to even ask you to trust me I'm only going to ask you to trust yourself because whatever conclusion we come to is going to be your own intuitive conclusion okay so help me understand a little bit about this attitude toward life that you were left with after the trauma of the health scare and how that makes it difficult to want to carry a pregnancy I want to understand it a little bit more that's the big share that that's the big question here um I I I don't have the answer as far as actual pregnancy but I I do know that I just I guard myself and I'm I'm all in or I'm All Out em like emotionally logically physically all the things and so it's almost like is this a cough out for me not be do you know the expression as B you have you ever heard the sorry to cut you off but have you ever heard the expression there's no such what' you say I said no no go ahead okay have you ever heard the expression um and it's sort of like a comedic expression comical expression um there's no such thing as a little bit pregnant um maybe I feel like my mom said that but she's a I don't know well regardless of whether you're familiar with the expression you understand what it means there's no such thing as a little bit pregnant it's you either are or you are not right it's not it's not something like let me test it out a little bit you know let me let me let me get a little bit pregnant and see how it goes and then if I don't like it it's it's this is the ultimate All or Nothing M and and and at this point you're you're coming down on nothing I just no no not I can't get into this because to to be into it means 100% commitment which is 100% commitment to the idea that what being pregnant would be 100% commitment to what idea to what truth that you're just not comfortable with right now the truth that what parenting or having a child I don't know I'm saying what bigger idea yeah well being pregnant is just you know I don't want to sound crash but like lots of people get pregnant I guess somebody depending I don't know somebody depending on you I don't know me being there I don't know no no no no you do know you do know you're saying awesome somebody depending on you so this doesn't even have to do with your cancer this has to do with your childhood no it doesn't well no because I need to be alive world for them this goes back long before when you were in your 20s this goes back to when you were the little girl who was sensitive to everything who knew what was going on and didn't understand what what are These Foolish adults doing don't they understand don't they see what I'm seeing we're not safe who are the adults who's taking care of me these people are out to lunch they're completely oblivious so you develop that belief that there's no one to depend on am I correct I mean tell me if this is incorrect I mean yeah yes that's that's yeah that's correct in my childhood I guess I meant it more like depending on me that is correct about but it's no different guess it what difference does it make on a spiritual level it doesn't make a difference truth is truth it doesn't matter if you're the little girl or if you have a little girl or a little boy it doesn't matter if you are the child or you're having a child the truth remains nobody can be relied upon parents aren't safe adults aren't safe they won't take care of you so it doesn't matter if now you're the grown-up and now you're the adult there's still a truth that you've believed in your entire life which is little kids cannot depend on adults for safety yeah that that that is true the way I look at yeah I see like siblings parenting their children and I'm like wow they're just reliving their childhood all over again and like putting it on their children and I see that and I'm like do I really need to do that probably not yeahor no this is this is this is very helpful what you're saying because really what you're telling me is the the cancer is really almost a red herring meaning it's almost like a distraction it seems like that's what it is when I was in my 20s I I had cancer and then I got through it and I came came out of it with a very Bleak attitude toward life and then I tried to follow that narrative if you remember I tried to follow that narrative and I said you don't care about life and then you were like well actually I do care about life so then I'm like hm so maybe this isn't the right track and then we just you mentioned you happen to have mentioned twice I don't trust people which was great I appreciate you giving me all the clues that I needed by the way in the mishna there's Aus whether it takes three times to establish a pattern or two times to establish a pattern it's Aus between raim gal and Rabbi Reb Yuda anasi so rebi says it only takes two times to establish a pattern R shim gamil says it takes three times to establish a pattern a kazaka we call the kazaka so generally speaking in most things we we say it takes three times it's not a pattern until it happens three times but in dinas in life and death matters we say two times so for instance where would that apply in Hala if uh if parents had a son who had hemophilia and he bled God forbid to from from a bris from a circumcision and if it happened twice in a family so then they don't circumcise the third child because it's all it's a life and death issue if it happened twice then we have to assume it's going to again okay so when when someone's telling me their life story to me that's life and death even if it's not about cancer even it's not about bringing a baby into the world your life is life it's literally it is it's life so when somebody tells me something twice I follow the opinion of rebi that that's a kazaka anything somebody mention now everyone's going to be careful when they talk to me but if you said something twice in a short conversation I knew it was meaningful yeah so it seemed seems like your insecurity as a child not being able to trust that anyone could take care of you that's the real source of the conflict here and as far as like the health stuff yeah like we said you'll go to a doctor you get a clean bill of health you'll bring it to a r who paskins in in medical H and that part will be taken care of but what are we going to do about the fact that you've believed since you were this sensitive little girl that nobody's really fit for parenting including yourself I guess um I do think I would be you think I I hope I would do it differently I do think like I'm capable so let me let me help you out here because I think I I I think I've gotten to know you a little bit and I know I know what speaks to you I know your language okay like when I told you to get ack from of that you are capable of getting pregnant that you like that yeah okay so here's what I want to tell you you are much more comfortable with Hashem than you are with people H me too by the way I'm the same way um most people it's the exact opposite they're much more comfortable with people than with God but I'm the same way um so here's what I want to tell you it says in the there are three Partners in the creation of a human being the Holy One meaning Hashem God the person's father and the person's mother so here's what I want to tell you your child is not relying solely on you and your husband there are three partners and that third partner is the infinite God who has infinite resources and that's who you're relying on now you're going to say to me yeah Rabbi that's very inspiring but I'm not sure how real that is because if that's true then how come so many parents are incompetent I mean God was partners with them also God was their partner also why did they why were they incompetent and I don't know if you asked that question yet but I'm sure if I wouldn't have brought it up then you know later tonight when you're rethinking this whole thing your smart brain would have thought of that question so here's what I'll tell you understand the question yes I'm just listening okay so here's the answer the answer is remember I told you earlier that I'm not really going to tell you anything that you don't already know I'm just going to give you back what the the truth that you intuitively know okay that's a real truism you can't give somebody something that they don't already have so then what can you do is you even by the way like when a rich person gives a poor person it's docka the way that we look at it is that God gave the money to the rich person to hold on to but it really belongs to the poor person the rich person is not giving his own money to the poor person that's person poor person's money he's just coming to claim it now right and same thing with wisdom when somebody comes to learn from a teacher the teacher is not giving his own wisdom to the to the student it's wisdom that really belonged to the student all along and that's why the best wisdom when you hear it you're like you know I always kind of knew that like I like the words that you used but I always knew that right so the same thing here um this power to co-parent your child along with Hashem that's not something that you have to go out and get every parent has it but not every parent knows about it and if they don't know about it they don't use it it would be like having a checking account in your name sitting at Chase Bank and has got a million do in it by the way don't keep a million dollars in a checking account but let's pretend and you're walking around with the ATM card and a piece of paper with the pin number on it but you don't even realize that you could go and make a withdrawal every day and be rich because you don't even understand what you're carrying it's yours but you don't even know that you've got it on you so one of the things I have a parenting course by the way and when in the right time when it's applic to you I want to give you a free um enrollment to my parenting course but one of the first lessons I teach in my six we online parenting course is and there's a reason why it's one of the first lessons because it's the foundation of everything else is this concept of the company credit card company credit card means if you're working for a company and you go out for lunch you pay for your own lunch but if the company says take out the clients for lunch then the company credit card right then the company has to pay for the lunch cuz you're taking out clients when you are a parent you partner with Hashem you get the company credit card and that means that you have special access to hashem's love hashem's wisdom hashem's patience a lot of parents don't realize they they have that access and unfortunately their children suffer as a result but one of the things I try to do is you know you know there's a website you can put in and find out if like you have money out there that you don't know about like I think like the each state has the Department of Treasury you can go put in your name and your Social Security and then it tells you oh you don't realize Verizon owes you 300 bucks from a an account that you closed down 10 years ago in another state right so and then you sort of reunite the person with their with their funds um one of the things I do in my parenting course is I sort of play that broker role and let people know about this power that they really it already belongs to them so here's what I bottom line here's what I want to tell you knowing your personality and the way that your brain works I think this will resonate with you I think this is speaking your language if you have a child in the right time and it should be in good health for you and the child I'm telling you right now your child is not going to have to rely on you as a human being your child will be relying on Hashem and you are merely the conduit you're the channel to bring all of that infinite blessing from Hashem to your child but it's hashem's child or like they say God has no grandchildren God has no grandchild it's not like you're hashem's child and then your child is the child of hashem's child so your child is hashem's grandchild no no no God has no grandchildren your child is hashem's child directly Hashem has taking care of your child I do believe that's true that's that's probably how I felt as a child so I do I do know that to be true I think that if you can really meditate on that concept that this is hashem's child you are just the conduit that you will find a feeling of safety not a safety that's coming from you and your Hy hper competence and Hyper Independence but a safety that's coming from from Hashem and then I think you'll feel so much that that your child will be safe and I think you'll feel hopeful about being able to have a child and many children in the right time and in good health thank you so much it would you know it could have all started with this conversation so thank you so much okay if you want to follow up with us if you know for that getting a rabbi I do yeah okay so do you have our email that's how you originally contacted us right yes I can use that email yeah okay so just so just send another email okay okay thank you for being Really Brave no no thank you really I I know you don't trust people so this is a huge thing for you to talk to but but I think that I'm the right person for a person who doesn't trust people I'm like the right person to talk to because I don't trust people either and at the the bottom line at the end of the day I'm the only thing I'm telling you to trust in is just trust in Hashem and I know that that's something that is very natural and intuitive to you so thank you I I honest do appreciate your hush like I wouldn't I've never done something like this before and something I've just watched your videos and lectures in the last month I just really appreciate your and I'm really listening when you speak and I'm like feel very I I'm really listening when you speak and feel I decided to do this so I've never done this before so thank you so you should know about me I was also a little kid who felt unsafe in the world because I was sensitive to everything oh yeah so people think I'm so spiritual I'm not so spiritual I had to become conscious of Hashem out of necessity because people weren't doing it for me they still don't do it for me so that's why you yeah by the way I jokingly but you know every joke has a little truth say that if my videos come up in your YouTube feed that that's like that that's probably the only diagnosis you need for being neurode Divergent I say it half jokingly but at any all right I I would follow up with us I want to be in touch and we should hear good news and thank you so much thank you okay amazing thank you so much time my pleasure my pleasure okay okay now um we have somebody up um Lindsay is the next on the line I hope Lindsay is there okay let's see I'm here I don't you can hear me thank you I hear you I do hear you and thank you for being patient cuz I know the previous call went on for a long time but that was a real Amazing Story and you're about to tell me that people confide in you with heavy info well how did you like that that was Heavy info that was just told me gosh yeah so you can I you know what I'm not GNA help you I need you to help me you know what people dump on my doorstep could you just oh no I'm doing it to you again people dumping heavy info on you talk to me about the heavy info I think I could commiserate a little bit with you let's talk shop yeah I think you know this is a good reminder these two callers and thank you you know I will thank them for their trust right just to share so openly um I think that this is a good reminder that there is an order and into what's happening and um I think that being an empathic person uh yeah I mean you you just receive but if you're you're receiving anything because they you're ready for it I think that's that's what I'm taking from this call yeah if you're if you're receiving you're opening up to me you're trusting me you're trusting me and and there is something that I must be giving you that you are feeling some kind of comfort and that I needed is just to connect back to myself and understand that that same Tru that they're reflecting on then I need to connect with that the Creator and understand that there is that gift that he needs to care and is a gift of unity love you know contentment and you know the beauty of life itself Yeah so basically listening to that last call that that did it for you that you got your Clarity you got your answer yeah well I think it's I don't know if it's a if I found the answer but I think there there's definitely you know we're we're here we need to trust that we're here for a reason and what whatever cross our path uh it crosses it because as you mentioned before he either showing us something or word word to give something uh you know that person I think my my question was how how do I keep myself centner how do I keep myself you know in that space where I what I trust also that this is this is was meant to happen and no doubt so basically what you're talking about is how do you keep yourself centered when you're exposed to such heavy stuff all the time that what you're saying well my question yeah my question to you will be when you listen to all of this right very important things they pour your heart their heart out to you uh I mean there is also there it comes with when I listen to them and when I listen to the people that are you know that trust me and share their stuff I feel them I feel their pain and and when they're gone then you know how how do I how do I go back to that Center how do I go back to that that sense of things that must have a you know that they have S to gravitate to whatever yeah that's so there's a few things one thing is [Music] that like I was saying to the previous caller about we really only trust in Hashem is that at the end of the day I have a duty to do what I can do but I don't control outcomes so I'm not there to finish anybody else El's job for them I'm there to play a role for a certain amount of time uh sometimes very very briefly and as long as I know that I did my job with sincerity and with compassion and with honesty I let it go afterwards I don't know what the person's going to go and do with this I don't know what I don't know how many twists and turns their story will take even after I spoke to them so we really have to have the humility to remember that Hashem is the one who's controlling all of this and you know we just we just do our put in our honest effort and that's it and that's it and we can't hold ourselves uh liable for how how things turn out that's that's one thing but another thing I want to tell you is um you should be mindful of your own capacity and when you're not when you're not feeling grounded and you don't have space for somebody's energy then you have to have a very strong boundary um and that means not always responding to somebody's request for your time and focus and energy because if you're not in a state where you're capable of doing it it it's not fair to you CU you're running yourself ragged it's not fair to the other person because they're not getting the best of you um I think where it becomes tricky is when this becomes your identity where this is your role this is how you see yourself well I'm the helpful person and then when you're so exhausted that you're not capable of being helpful right now until you rest uh then you start to question well what then what's my value what's my worth no I have to go do it and it becomes like a compulsion and when when it becomes a compulsion then it's not even pure anymore anyway you're not really focusing on a on a helpful full healing intention you're focusing on your own Obsession to retain some sense of identity so therefore you have to know when you're not up for a call or when you're not up for being around people you know if you're empathic as you mentioned sometimes just being around people is going to be draining and if you know that you're not up for it so you're not up for it um that so that those two things one is don't really try to control outcomes do what you can do and then it's in God's hands so that's the first thing the second thing is boundaries and self- advocating and knowing how to say no strategically so that you're taking care of yourself and uh if you put your trust in Hashem it's uh much easier to do both of those things is that helpful oh absolutely absolutely yeah thank you okay thank you and thank you for the opportunity thank you really I appreciate it okay we have another caller who's waiting in the queue so if you'll just pull up the next caller um do we have the next caller on the line hi hi hello how you doing I whoa I am just I feel like I'm having an outer body experience I have the chills just from listening to the last callers I mean you can't make this stuff up I mean you can't just the hush them is that work I mean absolutely really it's it's amazing people people are amazing and people's lives are amazing and like like you like you said you cannot make it up and it's incredibly humbling to have people tell you their story or even parts of their story so yeah I I I don't know if I'm having an out of body experience but I agree with you that this is awesome and I'm like so grateful to be here okay it's it's gonna get even crazier I mean like I'm just I'm beside myself trying to make sense of it like feel like I'm in some sort of Matrix here but so the last two callers right um so zo Zohar I I related to so strongly um I had I share similar characteristics in that I am actually the first child um you are the first child the oldest I am I have two younger brothers so there is a big age Gap um there one's 10 years and then the other is 12 you were born an adult so I was born an adult you were never I became an adult I was never a child even when I was a child and when you were a child you couldn't you couldn't deal with other children because they were so childish I you know I prayed for my my brother I literally remember praying to God in bed for my brother for my fir for my first the middle child um because all my friends you know they were busy they had to play with their siblings and I thought I need a brother and so I prayed every night for my brother and I got brother oh you prayed that you should have a brother uhhuh I did I prayed really hard I wanted a little brother so that I could have someone to play with and I wouldn't feel so lonely um my mother I was my mother was you know single and she was working a lot so I was alone a lot um wow but so I I I relate to not trusting people being hyper independent um I then the second half of my life I was raised by my father who was he's a great man but you know not good with emotion so I was already an adult when I when I lived as my dad I became aware of this childhood trauma similar to Zohar that you and her were talking about and how this has played a very big part in my life in the relationships that I have formed or not formed um and in the last few years I've become even more reliant on God than on Hashem than I was when I was a child even more so and it's even more so and it's become such a deep and meaningful relationship that I have hard time putting into words and so when I find has as this you know relationship has deepened and I'm an impath i f i so I relate with the previous caller as well you know how it taught me how to this relationship and deepening it has helped me balance find balance in and in these things that would pit me over you know in the last all my life but where I am now and what I emailed you about is so when I have trouble dealing with hard things I and I realize I cannot be where other people need me to be and where my strengths are I tend to withdraw because I need to reenter myself but similar to what we were talking about with the previous caller correct yeah so I'm at the stage of of of processing Von yes right like how what is that what it and I turn to Torah when I can't explain things I try to find these answers in these stories and I have been getting stuck in three stories in particular and you know we just where we are in this past part of just it was like oh there it is you know talking about The Binding of Isaac and Abraham he's wor listening to God you know and he gets to this point this is his final test right that's this week's paral right yeah what what what is this right and the same with with mosha you know he knows he his impediment and God tells him to go and he he questions it but not really he still goes it's like there's this spark that that just you just get over it you know you just let it go and but it's so hard when you deal with these traumas and you're still dealing with them and you don't just you know climb that mountain and you're done I feel like I will probably climb this mountain till the day that we die right it's just we get better at it um but get trapped in this fear cycle and right and then I get trapped in the well what if the waiting is you know the the not doing and like like Esther right or I don't know I guess I think you see where I'm going with this you know when do you know yeah when do you know that you need to act no matter what even if you're not ready or you don't feel or even if the ACT maybe the action is the non-action is the action that's some at what point right and that's been so hard for me to process um so I I go back to these stories and I try to un try to unpack the character of of who they are and who they were becoming at this point because I I feel like this relates right yeah okay I just and I logically see it but I can't manifest it when I need it to to transcend in these moments of of of where I have unbelievable doubt and I don't I don't know how to move forward right okay so let's talk a little bit about this because there's no one-sized fits-all answer um every situation is different but I want to give you sort of a rule of thumb to guide you and and that is pay attention to your gut and what I mean by that is not like people say trust your gut act on your intuition I mean that's okay too but that's not what I mean in this context um what I mean is pay attention to how your gut is feeling in a situation are you feeling nervous or are you feeling calm when you start to get those butterflies in your stomach when you start to feel anxiety that's when you need to stop and you need to reenter and focus on your trust in Hashem when you need to get back to the and once you're in that place of calmness where in not just calm in your brain like you said ideologically but calm in your stomach then you can decide whether the proper course of action is action or non-action or whatever the case may be or some combination of the two but you need to get to a place of calm and that place of calm is through focusing on the fact that whatever the outcome is is in hashem's hands and the only choice that you need to make is your small part your role in a story that's much greater than you okay so yeah it's uh like you say it's a mountain that we climb for a lifetime and um you know we just get to higher and higher levels of it yeah I I thank you so much I mean I feel like this by the time we got you know the other callers just hearing our stories really helps really help put things into perspective and you know I watch your thank you so much for the work you're doing and putting out your reels I I just really enjoy your insights and just generally the way that you communicate those I think it's just it's wonderful so I I really appreciate it I appreciate it thank you so much thank you so much okay we have we have another caller I think this is our last caller for the evening but uh let's see here um all right is there one last person who's waiting online hello yeah hi oh is it me yeah I guess it's you yeah I guess it's you hi hi good evening Rabbi this is so funny because I was just I had this question and I was just thinking myself oh I'd love to be able to talk to Rabbi Shas tab about this and now you are thank you so much for having me you manifested now I am proc so um thank you so much so thank you so so the the question is the case of the uh the golden grandchild if you will so um interesting uh my uh my and it's a question I have so my husband and I um we uh are only children uh so our children uh thank God we have a little boy and a little girl boy is three and a half uh the so the so the only that the grandparents have right so you're you have a boy and a girl your boy is three and your girl is how old a little over a year and a half okay okay so both little kids very little kids yeah yep both little kids and you know my uh you know my mother-in-law is uh the type that uh you know my husband and you know has walked in eggshells around her you know his whole life since he's a little little kid you know I'm I'm observing this even to you know certain things that are that are unconscious that you know that I I personally observe you know I had a similar thing with with my my own mother and I think that's the reason that you know he and I understand one another and get along well but I I believe that uh I believe that for myself certain things are more in the conscious realm and he's you know not not things aren't fully conscious for him about that yet but it's been a little bit progress in that direction daughters are very different than mothers and sons and very often yeah yeah so you are both only children and when you're an only child of a parent who's emotionally needy you become literally everything to your parents you become everything you literally get worshiped as a god um or uh you become the devil and sometimes you know both one from one minute to the next y depends yep yeah it depends on the situation and but here's the deal mothers and daughters are different than sons and and and and mothers because a daughter eventually kind of sees this for what it is in the same-sex parent the daughter and the mother so she kind of realizes hey like I am not the main character in your life that's not that can't be that can't be right sons and mothers uh it's a little bit trickier because a little boy does believe he is led to believe that he has this importance and it can be really difficult like extremely difficult to be told um you don't have to cater to that anymore well what do you mean I don't have to cater to it of course I do yeah of course I do and I should tell her to jump off a bridge I'm so scared yeah I'm talking over I'm I'm so scared that it's happening to my little son which is know I see that's the golden Grand child yes yes okay and uh and we both see and uh you know since you know since since he's a baby and you know she you know she de saidd this is her her her Heaven this is her her her one and only and and originally when we see each other first he he hides with me he doesn't want to go and then you know he has to and then well because you know they they come and visit every week and then uh and then now it's you know he he he pushes mommy and daddy away and he cries that he doesn't want us and he only cry for for for Grandma and it's and he you know doesn't follow he just it's just it really splits and he he CH you know he's he's a little boy he can't help it but I'm just so scared about the the long-term effect of that and you know I mean I think it's good that you know we you know his parent we're not it's not his parents but it's it's his grandparents and it's a very strong force and and you know my my you know husband is not willing you know we have to you know respect our parents you they want to come visit you know as frequently as whatever we're not going to you know interfere with that so much but it it's it's it's so frequent and I I just see such a change in his behavior and and I I'm I'm a sensitive person I I know I know where that feeling is coming from but he has to cater to those whims to get that response and and I just don't want him to grow up having this imprinted codependency model from his grandma and how that's going to shape his his future relationships with women I don't know Y no you're 100% correct y you're 100% correct and and the fact that you're saying it so bluntly like I I'm totally with you by the way like I love how you're saying just very very flat out like this will shape his future relationships with women you're 100% correct of course it will of course it will okay um so you know the the question is and I and I'm I'm I'm afraid I know the answer to this already but I you know I have to do due diligence here right is there enough self-awareness I'm afraid I know the answer already but is there enough is there enough self-awareness that your mother-in-law can tone it down um i i in fact I tried to venture into that a little bit today admittedly I was not in the best mood and then I got a little bit of that from her I think there there there's been a a teen a teeny sliver but not not a teeny sliver of like oh I'm being an over-the-top Grandma I should tone it down but uh you know not not like uh what what I would call a true self-awareness you know I think it's still her uh her modus operan and and needi perhaps it goes without saying that the the the dynamic is not the same towards your granddaughter of course not of course not because it doesn't fulfill that need for her which is what makes the whole thing so suspect you know it's like you can say that the your son is three so he's cute he talks he does stuff and your daughter is one and a half so she doesn't even do anything but still you know no it's not it's but that's not what it is it's it's she likes this little boy and I'm not saying anything I just want everyone to understand you and I both know we're not saying anything creepy right it doesn't have to be creepy to be unhealthy um yeah yeah yeah so and my husband said my husband said too he's like I don't think that their Dynamic is heal healthy my yeah and um and so I guess my question is you know do do I have hope that you know just by virtue of being his mom myself you know will I be able to mitigate that somewhat that you know okay I'm probably not going to be able to you know inter quote unquote interfere or block that relationship or you know questions if I should whatever that's not on the page right now but will I be able to being different rather than that's you know the only role model yeah well the the answer is yes because you ultimately are the parent and there's a special connection spiritually that a child has to a parent um they also to a grandparent but the parent child connection is much more direct obviously not just biologically but spiritually so yes you do have a greater influence the the question is how strategic you can be be in wielding that influence and and I think you're going to have to be very mindful about I mean par parenting also always always has to be mindful there always has to be a game plan uh where we're taking to account a unique every child's unique situation and their development and their challenges um in this particular case yeah so let's talk about the personality traits that we want to make sure that your son has instead of saying negative like I don't want him to be a clingy uh codependent with an atopus complex um right right let's say the positive what's the target you know how because you're raising him how are you going to raise him yes yeah yes want him to have yes humility your sh and the sense that you know I have two you know maybe doesn't come when he's three they willing when he's older but you know I have you know certain way that I'm going to behave you know to the best of in my certain responsibilities to the best of my ability regardless of you know whatever someone else's expectations are around you know that those are my respon that's my character that's you know how I choose to behave because of who I am as a and so forth and not because of someone's manipulation right one day so what you're saying is you want him to be a person who is able to be his own person make choices and not be concerned what people think yeah and obviously when we're saying make good choices we believe in a god-given absolute morality which is the sole Arbiter of what good choices mean and I'm filling that in not for you but for the other people listening just so that they know that that's what we mean okay so that's the target that's really how you're going to um how you going to raise him to be somebody who yes is not a people pleaser well I said I don't want to say the negative I want to say the positive to be somebody who is um what what let's use a let's come up with a couple positive words to describe it couple positive words for the character traits a word or two not long sentences because it loses its potency when it's a lot of words what are the traits who's um self-directed I guess s Direction self-directed um self self sure yeah you know confidence um confident yeah confidence um this is a long phrase but I I I like the concept of emotionally autonomous meaning my emotional state is not a reaction to other people or or things yes yeah so that's going to be the focus and and let me let me tell you this not to comfort you although I think it will be slightly comforting that Hashem knows what he's doing and he places resistance in people's lives for a reason so it's not like this challenge is random this challenge is calling your attention to something that you're going to be very mindful about in raising your son so we'll welcome it as a as a reminder yeah amen yeah yeah it's a big uh Direction no I definitely have a clear sense of uh a lot of different things that I have to a lot of factors to be able to do that and that's going to be a a longterm uh project well parenting is a long-term project yeah yeah yeah yeah okay amazing latas from both your kids thank you thank you so much R my pleasure okay all right amazing thank you so much okay that was our last uh caller for the evening we I don't even remember how many callers we had but bashem that was pretty exciting um jfyi so people you know people if people are curious I don't know if people care but um these phone calls that we had are pretty representative of the types of conversations I have with people on a semi-frequent basis I I tell people when people ask me do you do uh one-on-one appointments I I say somewhat curtly I don't know um as as little as as as infrequently as possible you know as as uh as little as possible and and the reason is because I just want to clarify this isn't my job I'm not a therapist I'm not a life coach this isn't my job what is my job my job is to learn and to teach Torah and to put it out in various formats that people can study from so that's my job and at the same time yes people do ask for uh the the opportunity to talk things through with me so I do offer that as a service I do it a couple times a week I don't I like I said as as infrequently as possible it's not my bread and butter it's not something well it takes a lot out of me also so it's not like something I could do every day anyway but when people do call me for these one-on-one disc discussions what you heard tonight is pretty representative of what those discussions are like in other words somebody just tells me what's going on in their life and I try to listen and I listen for patterns and then I ask them about those patterns and I'm really very um confident in people's ability to lead me to Clarity and I always respectfully check in with them to make sure that I'm understanding their story properly and usually we can find a couple truth bombs here and there and it doesn't take that long like you heard these calls are 10 minutes 15 minutes one of them was probably 30 minutes but a lot of times people are like okay I need to speak to you but I need two hours no you don't you really don't if I can hear you I can do it pretty quickly meaning if I don't understand your story after 2 hours I'm not going to understand it after two years and and I believe that people tell you everything in the first two minutes they tell you the problem they tell you the solution they tell you their mission in life um in the first two minutes and the only question is are you going to listen well enough to hear them tell it to you so now you got like a little bit of a glimpse into how that works and I hope people enjoyed it um and uh what else what else can I tell you I'm going to check in all that with my kids who are my producers over here um just making sure they don't want me to talk about anything else while I'm here God willing we'll do this again sometime I think our goal was we wanted to make it a regular Thursday night thing oh you s all told me to mention the parenting course I have a parenting course a six week online parenting course when is it offered I don't know yet I only do it once or twice a year no I'm not going to he's texting me I should launch it on the show no I'm not launching it cuz I don't know when I can do it it's it's an online course but it's live it's not pre-recorded it's interactive so I have to figure out when I have six weeks that I could commit to not traveling and not doing anything else and then I'll launch the six week parenting course but yeah I have a six we parenting course which I mentioned to uh Zohar I told her that when she becomes a mother she should contact me and we'll give her a free uh parenting course oh follow Instagram to be informed about the next show yes uh follow Instagram so you just go to Instagram you look at rabish tab on Instagram um also subscribe to our YouTube you're watching Youtube right now just hit the Subscribe button it's not hard it's right there it's right on the same page um thank all callers and encourage others to join in coming weeks yes we want to thank all of our callers tonight and we want to encourage people who have a topic they would like to discuss on a future call send us an email that's how we're doing it for now you email us at info@ soulwords dorg infoinfo soulwords s o u l w r d s.org and let us know what you want to talk about and then we'll give you the call-in number and uh that [Music] is one second here sorry about that okay oh officially La launch next week okay yeah so God willing with hashem's help next week next Thursday night 9:00 P p.m. Eastern we will do the call-in show again thank you everybody so much for joining us