Rabbi Rietti & Rabbi Haimoff | Parenting A New Generation | CHAZAQ

[Music] good evening everyone thank you so much for coming tonight tonight's special event was initiated organized by my brother-in-law Moshe Mel yakubov with the help of hak organization thank you so much with your permission I was asked to say a few introductory words uh about our speakers and I I'm sure both of them they don't need my introduction but I just want to share with you how these two people play a big role in my my life many years ago when I was a single person looking for my wife just like many other single young men maybe sometimes pressured by their parents friends to be married I started my journey to find my wife at that time I was not knowing what I'm doing what's the purpose of dating what I'm supposed to do and without knowledge I would come home upset that this is not for me and it took a while until I would get back and go to the next person to meet until one day I heard that there is a lecture in briwood on dating and marriage and it was a u lecture given by RAB RTI I came to this lecture for an hour and a half rabi gave very very good instruction and structure on what a person should do when he goes on a journey to find his wife and after that there was no more upset feelings I knew exactly what I need to do I want to share with you even though today's topic is about uh parenting a new generation but it's very very related to marriage and rabi said that the purpose of date first of all the the the date is sent by Hashem for a purpose and the purpose was to find good in this person and the reason Hashem makes us to be trained to find good in in that person that we're dating is that finally when we do find the wife our job is always to find good in our wife and rabi used two words that in Engish described this process he said you can say look for good or you can say find good and he explained that what was the reason what was the difference between the two ways of expression how we say to find and the difference was when you look for something you may find but you may not find he said your job is to go and find good in the person that you're dating I want to thank you RAB because with your help I'm married right now hasem and now the second part is to happily stay married and that's where comes thank you rabi to uh you like I said both this rabbis play a big role in my life and um today's topic is parenting and Je generation what is the reward for respecting your parents and what is the reward for parents respecting their children and I want to ask both of these rabbis do not spare any information just give it to us the way it is says in in the Torah because it's very important and as I understand my BR brother M M wants to dedicate this lecture to uh all am Israel who is looking for their house to find their house and be happily married and I think there is a list of ref my people maybe he can read it himself and thank you very [Applause] much good evening everyone thank you very much for each of you for participating in this hopefully I'm sure it's going to be amazing lecture uh uh maybe you heard about U some kind of not so happy news in our community um in in our show there is a guy weon with him Nissan kirov he a brother-in-law he he's in critical condition right now in hospital they had a fire yesterday and I would like to dedicate this lecture to to the names I'm going to mention right now [Music] yam and also to my uh to parents of my dear brother may your parents be and two people we have Liv and thank you very much and enjoy tonight's lecture we would like to introduce Jonathan re thank you very much for dedicating you time for us thank you good evening special thank you to RAB kof for inviting me to be with you in your beautiful Gaya and toha uh Robbie and everyone else who's involved in uh putting this evening together should only know in all your lives and in all your homes and for all CL all our soldiers fighting for the Existence ofel and fighting for Hashem his land and his people amen amen OMG this is a biggie I I no longer have the my parents in my in my life and it's a huge loss to me I was close to both of them especially my father but the biggest that the greatest Comfort I ever had was when I learned the the main of is after they passed away I was shocked but the logic is very powerful a person may have made a lot of mistakes it's impossible not to a he says there's no human being that works on this Earth that only does good and never makes a mistake there are five exceptions that only died because of the of from the in Shabbat I think Nim lists those five exceptions but otherwise there's no such thing as a human being being in this world who doesn't make a mistake but in the M it's impossible not to make a mistake it's called it's the it's the most strict of all severe mitv in the Torah for the simple reason they're my parents and there's it's impossible for me not to not disappoint them in some way but the Mitzvah of K in this world is to feed them give them drink smile it's a Hu it's a it's a mitvah from the to smile to our parents whenever we meet them when we see them we speak to them even if you're on the phone and mommy calls you Daddy calls you to get up from your chair you don't have to but to get up from your chair just when you that you're on the phone with them as a training in your own M your own character your own Essence that this is someone I stand up for even when they're not here and to smile while you're on the phone is also a Mitzvah but I I want to touch on why everything we do in this world is a mitzvah for them here but the main Mitzvah is after they move on because in the way we feed them is not from anything in the physical world they can't benefit from what we physically do in the typical sense but what we give ased what we do as mitv learning prayer raising our children in the D of Hashem that is all a credit to our parents that is the food they need in that world so I can't feed them down here that's done I I was given in my my mother's case 50 years my father he passed away when I was 56 and I felt very grateful that Hashem gave me 56 years that I enjoyed my father 50 years I enjoyed my mother but I got a tremendous knowing that every single Mitzvah we do every child we bring into this world and the way we raise our children it is all is a is all a merit to our parents and in that world there's no end to how much they can grow because of what they left behind in terms of children doing mitv so I'm going to share with you how the Torah begins you you already know in the beginning Elohim created the heavens on the earth Elohim we know is a very special name all names of hasem are special but elim comes from the two letter root L which means power when we refer to as K we mean the power means the only Power kados means only unique one kind I know the translations say holy but that's not the real meaning tell us it means it's completely separate it's totally unique you are the only nation I know there are 193 members of United Nations um but there's just mumbling onto my breath um but there's there's only one nation that was selected from from all the other countries all the other nations so you are the only one we are also the only nation because he gave us his instructions Shabbat Kesh is not a different day of the week it's the only day in its own category there's no other day that compares to it so kados means only Elohim is the only Power Elohim is actually plural so it means power words we don't translate it that way but that's you look means he is the power the force he is the owner of all abilities he owns all powers he controls everything nothing has power of its own wind has no power it's power hail has no no power it's powered by another source water has no power it can turn to blood has no power of its own Earth can turn to lice wind can blow from the East to the West with all the AR har AR many many locusts and then it's blown back so the Locust have no power the wind has no power it's being powerwood hesu says I am the only Power that created the heavens and the Earth and when he introduces that's his introduction to the whole of the Torah after that it's just push because once he's the Creator then he only created not because he needs to but because he loves to he loves to give and whatever Mitzvah he gives us it must be that it's for our total 100% benefit it's impossible that we could ever lose out from doing a mitvah in the L of the mid on that says the only one Blessed Be he means the only one I'm just translating it the way tell us the word really means it says says the only one Blessed Be there's no such thing as a human being listening to AES and losing out that's impossible it's impossible it makes no sense now we're living in it's a this world is false it's Dion it's an illusion ask any physicist and he'll he'll agree with you they finally they're starting to it's it's really astonishing because science is so behind they're catching up very slowly we just turned in the the Gregorian calendar 2024 in 1924 100 years ago sir Edwin Hubble invented the hble telescope today it's a veritable satellite that was able to penetrate the universe way beyond our galaxy and till 19 24 astronomers worldwide believed that the entire universe was the Milky Way there was nothing Beyond it now don't get me wrong the Milky Way contains about 300 Billion Stars so it's it's quite big and there are many light years in between just going just just the thickness of the Milky Way is many light years but until 1924 they had no idea there was a universe beyond the Milky Way and now they admit that there's about 100 trillion galaxies it's a huge wow because the human eye can't see what it can't see but technology enables them to see beyond oh oh so they're slowly catching up that there's a much bigger universe and thanks to the microscope technology has proven uh don't tell the the don't tell the public school system because they're still teaching evolution as an actual fact it's a theory and it's never been proven and it can't be proven because it it is so weak evil Lucian i s just swallowing um if if don't you don't have to look but in the contrast it's a small booklet the Origin of Species so Charles Darwin he can join the United Nations um he he came up with this it's really an incredibly ridiculous Theory and one of the biggest proofs for his theory his support is that the microscope would look at a molecule and under a microscope 140 years ago they they had this amazing technology that was able to magnify the size of a molecule by 300 times and under that magnification the molecule was completely r random particles moving around with no pattern and therefore he established that spontaneous generation comes from the fact that our technology shows that there is no order in the formulation of the molecule this is not in my notes but it's just bonus information because you'll see what this has to do with parenting Michael Denton Dr Michael Denton sorry in his book Evolution a theory and crisis he writes in the 14th chapter that with today's technology we can look at a m a molecule and under the magnitude that we now have available to us with atomic microscopes we able to magnify the size of Mo of a molecule by a thousand billion times they have to you have to understand what we're talking about he then describes what that actually means he says if you had an enough paper to cover the entire Manhattan it would not be sufficient to print what you would see under the microscope of one molecule what you will see he says when you look at the molecule at this magnification you will see millions of entrances into what looks like a huge City and there are millions of exits and all the different nutrition that's transported by the bloodstream to the cell the amino acids and proteins and fats and oxygen carbon dioxide and all the different part particles in the bloodstream is going in a very specific entrance and it has its own Pathways where it's brought to what he describes as veritable factories that transfer the goods that are being received inside this molecule into what you and I call energy and what he describes there is mindblowing because he points out that the molecule is designed so that if it's destroyed guess what happens within 3 hours he says if an atom bomb fell on London how long would it take to rebuild the city of London decades with all the plumbing and electricity and C the the the amount of concrete you've got to transport remove all the rubble he explains a single cell when it's destroyed recreates itself within 3 hours and it's a more complicated manufacturer than the entire city of London and Manhattan the whole Evol Evolution falls out the window when you see perfection in design we are created the Power of all powers and we start off as a at the moment of conception your enters this one drop of seed and in that moment the N resists but the Mala forces it in you didn't come here because you wanted to be here not you were designed against your will and you you were very very comfortable inside the womb but you were forced out and you're alive against your will is not interested in this world it's not I'm in this world not for this world we're in this world for the next World eternity we're born to die in the L of from the moment we're born the clock begins ticking we start dying it's I'm not I'm not being morbid I'm just just describing reality but what's extraordinary about life and death is that you the real you is not your body that's not you that's not the real you the real you is your mind mind your mind is powered by yourish so the real you is yourish that's powering your mind and when a person dies the body returns to where it came from the Earth but the mind oh that's the powered by the that exists forever you the real you never dies and the even better news is that after the body dies there will be a resurrection the body and soul will be reunited what's this got to do with parenting and the answer is everything because we're put into this world every human being in this room or watching this has a parent has parents even if someone was adopted they had Parents there's only two people in world history who never had Parents Adam and Adam was created FFC from from creation he had no parents to blame when he messed up so he blamed the only person he could blame is sorry is that woman that you gifted to Stand By Me He the first a was in gratitude you can argue it was eating from the tree but really it was in gratitude do you know why because the medrash the med on that tells us that had Adam said one word to Hashem when Hashem said is it possible that you're embarrassed about your nakedness because you ate from the tree I told you not to eat from Adam was being invited to say one word oh sorry [Music] good I made a mistake if Adam said one word Hashem would have been him who would forgiven him but he blew it by blaming hasm turns to and asks why did you eat from the tree that snake persuaded me and so she's busy blaming the snake so KES says if you had said one word kti I would have forgiven both of you that's something really worth looking into not for today that the ISA has the power to bring mea for her and her husband OMG that's big but let's get to our real storyes created man and Isha to bring children into the world and we're not here to raise our children nearly as much as they are here to raise us they force us to hold ourselves to a higher level of expectation of how to behave where to live which Community to belong to the leadership of the community we choose so that our children will be part of ail where our our customs have AUM so comes along the tan tells me the purpose of parents is to teach me how to fix Adam's mistake he was ungrateful and our which can be translated as repair our which is also it's preparation we're put into this world to prepare ourselves not just to fix my lifetime down here but to prepare myself for the real world of Eternity and that is decided upon my Deeds down here and the one Mitzvah which is the hardest of all mitzvah it's not easy and it's deliberately so it's deliberately so because according to the difficulty is the compensation according to the difficulty is the reward so you can tell by the Mitzvah how according to its difficulty how precious it is in hashem's eyes it's almost as so that I have to turn up on time for work and put in the full hours and not cheat any of that time that I've I've committed in the contract and I get I get a million doll salary but I'm unaware that there's a bonus salary of a retirement plan of of a billion dollars if I keep to my contract and if I were to know that how much easier would it be for me to be S to enjo whatever difficulty my boss puts me through if I know there's a billion doll Pension Plan by the way rabbis don't always get paid that much but their their pension plan is out of this world oh on my b okay never mind the purpose of parents you and I in hashem's could have been designed to grow from trees but he wanted that our parents would conceive us because it's through us that they become Bas they become united through their children and it's through their children that they raise their standards but more importantly it's for us to learn gratitude and I'm going to be straight and honest you invited me to be so never second guess your parents and here's what I mean by that who chose them you never chose your parents you didn't even choose your siblings you didn't choose your immediate family and in many cases you didn't really choose much of your extended family it's all part of a perfect calculation that it's dka specifically this father this mother that you Hashem gifted me for my tiun for me fixing me and for me preparing myself for eternity and instead of me getting upset or angry or even bitter when I look at other people's parents who are so much more supportive so much more generous so much much better empathy and more understanding and more with it more with the culture etc etc that's all a camouflage all I'm doing is delaying taking responsibility for who Hashem wants me to take responsibility for instead of BL bling my parents or my brothers or my siblings or my mother in-law sorry just swallow me again I have this swallowing it's a funny kind of a swallow I'm here to fix me and everyone who's in my life is perfectly calculated to surface in my life when they do to help me change the only person I was created to change and no matter how much I mess up in not being M my parents as I should Hashem says you always have a second chance because even when they move on to now begins in its Earnest in its real real because now they need me much more than when they were in this world they need us for our mitv because it's a pure credit to them the first mitah everyone knows created the powerful Powers created Adam which means the reflection Elohim well Elohim is powerful Powers how are you and I a reflection of hashem's power I can't fly I can't do things that what do you mean I'm a reflection of hashem's powerful powers and the answer is your body has limitations but that you were not created for your body you were created for your mind what are the limitations on your mind of how much you can have in your lifetime how much how much how much how much joy are you limited to in your lifetime and the answer is is Unlimited in 120 years allotted to us it's unlimited and the place where we experience the training for adulthood is our family the place where we are training ourselves to become parents is while we're siblings because the mvah that mommy and daddy have to marry off their children is one of the four generic there's six obligations four of them are generic to all children if you are and you're male you have but the four generic ones is every parent has a Mitzvah to teach that child Torah so the child can become his own unit his own chain his own Link in the chain of the m to pass on to the next Generation the Torah that he learned from his parents you have an obligation to teach your child to trade and so that that child can become financially independent it's all about independence you have an obligation to teach the child to be married teach the child to be married it's not just a a 25 cent phone call to the shot oh do I have a good for you no all the years being raised in this family is my training in endurance and patience and listening and empathy and asking for forgiveness when I make a mistake and being B because family is family so that when I get married I've got that training I can still change if I made some mistakes we're always able to change that's one here OFA changes everything but the real training is in my home so Mommy and Daddy are training us and one of the greatest things to train Us in is gratitude and gratitude doesn't just mean thank you when things go right it's really when things don't go go right is where real gratitude is tested a health setback a financial setback God forbid a tragedy now who am I when Hashem squeezes me and he does he squeezes us good B is are called olives last week's uh two weeks par the Jewish people in sh MIT were compared to the olive because when you squeeze an olive what comes out olive oil what decides the quality of the oil how hard you squeeze the pressure or the maturity of the olive oh so when God squeezes me in marriage with health issues finances extended family difficult boss difficult client when we're squeezed what comes out whatever's inside so if I'm angry inside what will come out when you squeeze me anger if I'm struggling with my anger I'm really trying hard to hold myself in and not get angry guess what will come out from me when you squeeze me doesn't matter who you are could be my wife could be my child it could be my mother-in-law brother-in-law SP father-in-law it doesn't make it doesn't make a difference we is just we're being tested it's not a real world the physicist will tell you that 99.99999 you have to go 13 places after the decimal point till you get to the zero this world is 99% empty space if you want to know how much is physically matter oh that's 0.0 14 spaces later one physical matter that's what the scientists will tell you they only C this thanks to technology because till now they actually believed that the way you know something exists is if you can see it because if you can't see it you can't measure it if you can't measure you can't observe it then you can't prove it exists today it's what you see is much more not real than what you don't see you and I don't see microbes you and I don't see the trillions of galaxies outside our immediate Universe you and I don't see all the malim the spiritual forces we create from every thought and every kind word and every Mitzvah and every we don't see all that if we did we'd lose our we would lose our free will it would be just so obvious oh I'm getting a billion dollar Pension Plan oh of course I'm going to work hard of course I'm not going to bad mouth my boss of course I'm going to be loyal of course I'm going to act with Integrity it's known ision so asem hides from us he enables us through technology to realize hey I can have imuna so much more easily because now I realize the purpose of parenting the purpose of having children is not the parenting and having children it's the purpose is really for me to make me a better me gratitude to my parents is practicing for gratitude throughout my life I owe you Mommy and Daddy for the fact that I was born I owe you for the fact that for years before I could boil an egg you fed me you clothed me you educated me you paid all my bills and then I have theah to say you hate me I have theah to argue with you says a KES don't worry start again start again start again cu the purpose of having parents is not the parents the purpose of having parents is for me to learn gratitude and gratitude doesn't mean when things go right that's obvious when we're blessed of course I need to be grateful the real n is when things don't go well will I become bitter with Hashem angry with God or do I say I love you anyway my father Shalom when my my mother passed away already for for a number of years my father came to us for PES it was meant to be a 3-week trip he ended up being with us for a year and a half he had a circulation problem with the blood in his legs and he ended up in hospital and rehabs for a year and a half in that period he had not one but two amputations then he was on dialysis when one of the uh the dye that was put into his bloodstream caused his kidneys to collapse and at 91 years old he's on dialysis for a number of months and because hasem they kicked back and he he had to have three times a week 3:00 in the morning woken up and taken to dialysis it took an hour for them to prepare him because he he had been amputated his leg in two different places he only had one leg and wasn't able obviously to move easily my father was 91 years old at that time this is how many times the nurses and doctors and visitors and the carers around the clock and myself this is how many times we heard him complain it was mindboggling the nurses enjoyed him not not just when they would Google his name and see that he was in over 250 movies he directed all the voiceovers of all the old bun movies he was a celebrity in that sense but he's 91 he's passed that that world and it was so interesting every time I would visit him they had the television screen blaring my father was sitting reading or learning my father became for in his last last 15 years or so he was he wrote two books in those one and a half years he was he would spent his time reading he would I never saw him looking up at the screen once in a while he would ask if you want to watch the news together but he had no interest that's the world he came from he was not he was not interested in that world and the nurses and the doctors loved him because he was so gracious and grateful for every small thing they did for him moving his him over changing him helping him to the bathroom Etc he was a gentleman but I never saw resilience and understood it till I saw how my father was happy being alive having children around him grandchildren grateful to the people in his world blew my mind and this is someone who never went to Yeshua a day in his life we are all made of the same manufacturer settings we all have the ability to think you don't have a choice you can't help think you live over here all the time I remember Dr Brickman and I think was my moned coming into the ICU where my father was at one point he was reading a book and and Dr Brickman said um mrti do you know where you are that you're supposed to be sedated with all the painkillers and everything else you don't have a mind to read this is where we operate you can overcome pain ask Dr Sano I'm I'm one of the tens of thousands who he cured my spinal pain which was unbearable I never even met him I just watched a video of him and I would say about 80% of my pain within 40 minutes I suddenly realized what happened to my pain I was lying in bed watching this it was not a very exciting video but he was explaining that pain is triggered from a deprivation of oxygen to the muscles as a means of bringing my attention to the fact that the real cause of my pain is stress in my life the pain is my friend pain is a wakeup call in most cases Tesa or kapar or both but but it's also when it's stressed that's the real origin that's causing this deprivation of oxygen to the muscles that causes this yes dear I'm just coming now I'm so immobile but once it's out of the bag it's my stress of worry anxiety or fears or just overwhelm and once I realize hey who is the author of my stress who's the author of me being frustrated with my boss I don't think you can appreciate how I am so upset with this person I've work for so many years shows me no appreciation I do the work of three employees I work so hard and I'm thinking about my boss on my way to work on my way home at supper time I'm talking about my and I go to bed thinking it's a 9 to-5 job what am I doing doing what am I doing letting him in here this is this is the most valuable asset of my life our parents have the awesome job of being the role models of gratitude when things don't go right and your parents in many ways are that for the simple reason that they didn't let go of their Heritage of their identity in their community and they've that they've passed that on to you no matter how many mistakes our parents make we owe them big time what's the price for being alive what's the price for being born Jewish what's the price for being married having children there was so much to be grateful for much much more than what's going wrong in my life and everything that goes wrong is really a invitation for me to pay attention to all the times life was not going wrong how many times have we driven in the car and there was no accident only a few years ago I started realizing I never thanked Hashem once not once I never thanked Hashem once that the brakes in my car work well they're working all the time so I wasn't paying attention so I started saying thank you and then it took me another couple of years to C wait a minute I'm commuting into Manhattan Brooklyn two three times a week and for the last 20 plus years that that means probably hundreds of thousands if not millions of cars have been in front of me and behind me how many times did I thank Hashem that the guy's breaks behind me also worked OMG there is so much much to be grateful for and the one place that we learn out the most is because I've got a father and a mother is to teach me gratitude so that I'm ready that when difficulty strikes I should not be looking in si gimmel uh how Hashem how do you want me to respond to suffering and tragedy no I'm supposed to know the in advance so I know how to behave when something comes up you don't start starting sh Friday afternoon in preparation for Shabbat no we we started sh way before in order so that we know how to keep Shabbat also how do I respond to tragedy how do I respond to difficulty how do I respond to a difficult person doesn't say doesn't say a human being is to say a blessing to a on when things go bad with a mind that is 100% complete I'm not drunk intoxicated no I know what I'm saying oh my gosh my wife's right I'll deal with it later there nothing there okay and willingly he's not forced he's not being pushed by God he is willingly saying whoa every thing that goes wrong in our lives is a reminder of when everything is right and when it goes wrong when it goes wrong I'm going to do T another level and what ends up happening is we are preparing for the real world it's not just because we're really preparing for the reunion the reunion resurrection of that is the ultimate last chapter so I'll end here we're going through a very difficult time I don't think there's ever been a generation in world history where our children are so confused it is shocking what what the atheist liberals have come up with in in the confusion that we are exposed to and it used to be I have to give the I really I know I shouldn't do this in public but I really believe that credit is always due where it's due so the Liberals really ought to get some credit because um until recently science only knew that there was an atom that has its nucleus and you got the protons electrons and um neutrons but now thanks to atheist liberals we've also got morons we're we're in the midst of a war and it's a war on all fronts and I and I I yes I do mean the war in N Ro but I'm I'm referring to much much more severe War our bodies are being assaulted our human rights have been assaulted and our freedoms Womanhood is being assaulted it's a war against Womanhood it's a war against manhood it's a war against fatherhood it's a war against the family I'm not going into the details but abortion has been been renamed as oh this is this is Family Planning bortion is not murder and in some states at Maryland they're actually trying to force that the new definition of abortion is up to 24 months do you understand what that means a 2-year-old child who's remove removed from the world is not called Murder that's called abortion we're living in crazy times and our children are being exposed to well how do I maybe maybe I'm just confused cuz maybe I'm not a boy maybe I'm Noto and and this is what our kids even if you don't have it in your homes and you don't have any devices this is what they're exposed to literally in the air in the world that they are raised in and it's close to impossible to insulate them it's a war against Parenthood it's a war against mankind it's a war against God who created mankind because that's the first Mitzvah to bring children into this world because the purpose of bring children to world is in order to honor the parents cuz it's training Us in gratitude for when things are good and when things are not so easy that is our real ticket for so I'll close imagine you're going to M Esther reading this year a month later with adash sheni but um suddenly there's screams hysterical screams I know in E nashim for example and one lady she's screaming right at the beginning of per gimmel the the Bal is reading the the story of madesta and she's we're going to die we're going to they're going to kill us they're going to kill all of us H's going to kill every father mother child we we're going to do something calm down calm down and she's like in a faint and hysterical so wait till the end of the story and it happened already and you can't calm her down she's like filled with anxiety and kades is tell us that that when mhia comes there will only be two spim that we study SE and millat Esther all the others will no longer be read in public you know why because millat Esther is our story hashem's hiding in the story he's not mentioned once but the entire story is saturated with his story history is his story his his supervision and the story is when aik is going to destroy us let's Panic no turn to Hashem and it wasn't the whole Jewish people that turned to Hashem because most of the Jews didn't know about the decree cuz it it was just announced three days ago so 127 countries didn't get the message yet Esther's request was only the Jews in shushan who knew about the decree that means the few thousand Jews who lived in shushan turned around the decree of Destruction that's our power we don't need all clol that would be amazing you don't need the whole of clol to bring the G it just needs to be I'm calling out to you Hashem I love you no matter what please say please help us take the lessons that you want us to take of living a life of gratitude not fear gratitude and not panic a life of faith and not fear a life ofun and not a life of saf God you already told us the end of the story up front M's coming you're going to build by and then there'll be I close on the pasuk Inu uh I think it's NAD don't hold me to it cuz I didn't check before compares the whole 2,000 years of gut of Exile with its persecutions and expulsions and horrific tortures he Compares it it looks to you like I forsook you inside a second that is a small second a second last well a second inside a small about a fraction of a fraction of a second I I I forsook you but with abundance of Love Mercy I will gather you in and look at the forever the gah will be forever and in comparison to to the thousands of years of suffering it will be B that we will look back but the greatest opportunity we have more than any other mitzah because it's called as long as our parents are alive and even then some we have the opportunity to become better us and in that we're better here for our children because of what we gave to our parents and of that we should to in our lives and amen okay good evening we just heard how important it is to respect our parents it's all about gratitude and writes that's what that's why a gave us parents so so so so we so we will learn how to appreciate and how to have gratitude but I want to talk about the other side what we have to do for our kids and this creates many problems the saying that's C and selfworth this is the need of the Nish the Nish needs and everybody knows here that I must feel that I have self worth you cannot crush a child especially is self worth when we get angry sometimes we saying to the child things which should not be said should not be said you're crushing him the child also has a not only the parents so we're saying to him you're fool you're lazy you liar [Music] youran we're saying all kind not nice words so so so so what happened actually we destroying the child with destroying his selfworth is starting to believe that B I'm worthless so did you see once a person that have very that he feel that he have very low selfesteem can you deal with it huh very difficult especially when you're living with a person like that not recommended at all no matter what you going to do it will never be good so because the person becoming weak fastly it and giving up you know I talking to many kids imagine kids in 8ighth grade in nine grades sitting in my office and they they telling me we really thinking about putting end to life how should I feel how should I feel you know I feel so bad and I want to bring the parents and give each one of them a smack could you wake up already what are you doing to your child because we have to understand even the Torah have such a value for selfworth you're not allowed by law to underestimate yourself you have a and is from under you part of hasem how come you feel so bad who destroyed you who did it to you so the G telling us that in the second bed mikdash it was a mess the they used to buy the K meaning they went to the Romans is a CO but is not is not able to be on the level of the and they knew they going to die when when they will die onip you're not going to come out alive in AIM they paid huge amount of money to the to the Romans in order for them to be the co and he knows that he's going to die by saying to himself is not going to happen to me just what to feel to feel that he is worth something how many died more than 300 every year another funeral another one and another one and they're not nobody learning the lesson because the situation was so bad everybody wanted to feel that they met worth something so you can imagine what the child feels okay yes did you know that story The said that honey was a huge sadik here once there was no no no l so they went to him and told him we have nothing to to drink he went outside and he made a circle that's why they call him he made a circle it's called and he said inside and said I'm not moving this I'm not moving from here until you're going to send rain it was a drought and all of a sudden out of nowhere wind came clouds came and it started to pull too much so he said that's too strong not like that not like that meaning he was holding the volume of the sh how much they have to say right that's how much a sad he was he was saying to hasem my Pace not your pace okay good that's honey you sadik so once you saw a person planting a tree that he takes 70 years to bring fruits so he he told him I see that you a little bit uh you know you're not that young you're not going to be able to to eat from from that he said the same way that my parents did it to me I have to do it to the next generation and he says I found it out to to to believe I wish I can see it and in the Sham they decided to make honey fall asleep 70 years asleep the don't tell us how he survived 70 years with know food I don't know don't ask me but that's what said he wed up after 70 years to a new generation and he came to his own house and he's saying to the kids over there the son of honey still alive they said no the son already passed away we are the we are the grandchildren of H so at least you know he says okay I have my grandchildren he didn't tell them yet who he is then he went to mid he went to to Thea and he sees they they arguing if hone was here he would tell us exactly what he meant he said I'm H I'm H I tell you what I meant they thought he a little bit you know he run away from the L J what is he talking about is said he supposed to be more than he all it's not him he said I'm H the more he said that the more he was in trouble so he said he saw that he has no respect anymore he prayed to to AEM hasem please take me away from it and Hashem took him even such a sad was not able to live without self worth and say nobody appreciate me they don't recognize me why should I stay here I don't want to be here and has took him away took him away that's how bad it is there is a book called ales the one who wrote This Book his name is schlomo rbe his master of and listen to what he writes many time we complain why our kids don't have excitement for idish GU they don't want to learn bur and they don't like the Shiva and don't like where is he coming from so listen to what he says if the child don't feel that he is important if his parents were did very nice job to put him down the child will not be able to learn tor because to learn to you have to feel important I'm privileged to sit in the if you don't have it even parents used to put him down time after time at the time don't expect this child to be one day he will never be why because we as parents we have a problem let me bring you know things that we can happen every day a child came home and he saying to his father today I went to sh and I prayed okay and here is Aba Mr FBI which did you play what time was the minan were you able to read on time or it was already after time and the child what do you think he will say I was one of the first 10 ones one of the I came fast to them and I prayed beana and everything else 15 minute pass came to coming to the child said I just called the gabai and he told me that he didn't see you so so where did you pray you a liar what do you think I'm a flyer you don't know me here I know exactly what's going on with with you even if I'm not there I'm there and don't even dare to think that IMA she's a FR IMA also knows exactly who you are so don't try to to us shame on you shame on you how can you lie like this and then ABA saying to him M what we going to do with this child Shak the liar what are we going to do with him you better take a gun and shoot his child why can't you keep why can't you keep quiet what message you gave to you to to your child now you think from now on your child will love the F what did you try to accomplish what's the message no the message was you sh you that's what the message that will give the child the the the urge to go and pray and to be in your dreams maybe he will put on himself and label I have no hope so every time you catching your child and you say I caught you so you're not a father anymore you put a sign outside welcome to mishak FBI and this you don't do let them lie and you say one day he will change at the moment okay he is a little bit cold you know that your child is not because when the child starting to lie meaning meaning emotionally is in trouble so you coming to p more oil into the fire that's how smart you are and then you want this child to respect you that's what we want so what the child will do he will talk to himself and says the Torah is not for me me then me what I'm not for me I'm a lost case so let me go outside and then he'll find all the all the friends that we don't want to right and they will tell him they will put him they will give him support what we he don't have at home he will have outside why because we dealing with this is not a joke many many kids today are in trouble because we expence all the frustration that we have because we tired and who knows what biger because we have expectation I want my child to be this or there is a way to get there only by respecting them encourage them behind your back for yourself you know what the child is doing but sometimes you have to close your eyes and on this we not good we don't know how to close our eyes we have to understand we all have to understand that the the C meaning the self word is the need of the is the food of the and we destroying the the of a child in our own hands so before we talking about that the kids of course they have to to to respect us of course but we have to enable them to respect us we have to show him how we close our eyes many times my re years and years ago T us he said be before you leaving the let me tell you something he says your kids always will do a a ro behind your back that's a child don't get upset don't get angry they have also yet said keep respecting them keep encourage them like you don't know anything just make sure when they doing aot they're not going to enjoy it they will always have a g feelings then you know that you're doing something good very smart I'll tell you a story amazing one a 35 years old a reab in the ISA who went to visit his REI that was already much older in the 70s already he went to visit him he said to him no how you doing he says I came to say thank you to you because of you I very good re in the Sha he said what did I do he said if re recall in my class where kids that came from Rich homes my house my parents were not rich but many of their kids they came from wealthy home and one day a child came with a watch painted gold painted go say I got so jealous he put it on the desk and when everybody went and there I took the watch and I put it in my pocket he saying it to his and is saying to to I know what you did to us the child came back looking for the for the watch he didn't find the watch and he start to scream and cry somebody stole my watch so the re said no one should go outside everybody with the face against the wall I'm going to say the pockets of the kids he says and the watch was in my pocket I know I'm in trouble because you're going to find it now and they met the search and search until he came to me and you put your hand in my pocket and you find the this SW and you continued then he says okay we found it by mistake it went to somebody else and he he said I was shaking who knows what you're going to do to me and one day passed you didn't say anything to me two days a week two weeks you didn't call me you didn't didn't embarrass me he didn't do anything so I came to tell you thank you so listen to the re he said first of all I didn't know that you took it he said how come you found it in my pocket he said yes but I didn't know it was your your pocket because I also closed my eyes when I went from a packet to a packet I didn't want to know who was it so the ready was over 70 years old now he found out who took it and because he didn't say a word to the child the child became a very successful re in the Yesa if he will tell him one thing who knows what will happen who knows so the message to the parents is do you know how to close you you your eyes huh my child once came you know I have twins they took our k out so they used to fight with each other day and night but if you touch one of them both of them they becoming a unit they'll kill you I don't know where they came from anyway one day one of them come with a note in a closed envelope he said to me my re said I have to give it to you I open it up and he is the RAB writing me a love letter your child is arrogant he thinks he own the school and then okay I picked up so and and my child asking me what did he write what did he WR I say he wres that you very good in Gala I'm very proud of you while I know is far away from the the reality I went upstairs so he he will not hear what I have to say I picked up the phone and I'm calling the re I said what is do doing he says he is like a gangster walk all over the Thea trying to bully every Everybody he say if you going do this you don't know who I am my father is he come here and you're going to be out in two seconds my son that's what he does okay I kept quiet I was asking my my wife what should we do this child can I go on like this if we quick to to react one more time I say this I'm going to give you smack whom do you think you are right that's almost every parents will do it if I'll get one more letter from Thea I don't know what I'm going to do to you we going to punish you going my mind was not to tell him anything then I went to the bookstore I found a book about a child The The J the Arrogant it was a story that the child also was arrogant in the school nobody wanted to be his friend as said that's very good that's not to hurt my child so Friday night that was the I read this book and I said kids I have for you a story if you're going to repeat what I'm saying I'm going to give you a gift the whole okay so I started to tell them about Jerry The Arrogant from Texas he was not you it's me J J and saying his father used to to give a lot of money to the school and the child felt that he is the boss and nobody wanted to play with him so this child of mine saying of course nobody will play with him it's going through very good so I said maybe in the Sha of yours that is a child that's uh doing this no okay but he was the only one who repeated the story word by word after two weeks I get a a telephone call from the re he says I don't know what you did but the child is a different child he's nice he's okay what did you do so I told him he said what an idea says you close your eyes don't jump don't attack back because then I will gain zero he will stay the same and who knows what's next now every you know that there is a mitvah between a person to a person don't children is also in this uh in the category are we allowed to embarrassment to embarrass them are we allowed to get angry at them no no many many things okay so when it comes to the outside how do we behave outside [Music] Shalom can but when he coming home that's it this is off and now I can do what why because I'm home I'm home no you cannot do that it's a it's also especially to a child that you try to teach him M don't if we want to teach him how you going to teach him huh what kind of a role model he will see you know [Music] one can it's written do you know what it means when you have to give or something your immediate family come first then you you you worried about other people meaning you always have to look the to the closest to you there when you have to do the most is all right so now if you want to do a kill I want to work in Outreach who is the first one to do K to right it's an obligation okay so now someone come to be tested to get sm so after if he finished then the tester told them now I have to test you on the fifth portion of the you said what fifth portion there is only four portion he said no no there is five I don't know he I cannot give it to you because the fifth one is the most important one the fifth one the common sense you know what to do so now many times the children feel that we not important to them when you feel not important how do you feel huh if somebody in my sh sitting here and I tell him and you know I have to sit you if you don't mind of course one a row behind your Ro why why why I have to come here with a helmet he start to throw artillery how can you move me one why because you feel already not respected and I have to be very careful with this extremely careful okay so now what does it mean of maybe no what does it mean the one who put keep Shabbat going to the m what is hello anybody what what's the difference between a sadik and sadik g the gar says you cannot compare somebody the learning the same page how time the to the one who learns it other than one time what's it different what at the time is not accomplishment it is but why the one of one he is much higher than this one don't foret no because he wants to do he wants to extra extra mileage because he say I want AEM to have for me our job is to to give to like we want from our from our children we have to do the same thing so now many times people don't feel well and don't say what what the says if a person said that he meaning he has suffering start to make what's going on he say I'm find I'm okay if you didn't find it l the T what does it mean I learn every day what be Tora that's what my baby told me years ago and listen to this this you have to listen sometimes you have to be you close your book because your child needs you your wife needs you she needs help you you that's you you know sometimes a child come and says ABA can you learn with me he is now busy I don't know what he is on the phone of course right he said go to Mommy go to Mommy oh he said I have to go to Sha close your book you stay home and you live with your child if you not know when to be the meaning if you don't know when to close your book you're going to get is because the same they tell you to learn which is extremely important right hasem will tell you now I'm telling you to close your book because your child needs you I have to go to a who told you there's a child over here so he said a is more important than me meaning I'm not that important we cannot do this we cannot do that our child need us by all means everything has to shut off I have to go to Asar I have to go here I have to go there you go after you finish with your child I have to go to a wedding and the child come and says I have a test maybe you can why because you have to go to the wedding so is the wedding if the wedding is more important than your child how can you expect your child to respect you you don't lay the ground for him to respect you something that I learned from the son of a moin woman still alive still alive his son had B Mitzvah his father didn't show up for the Shabbat to the party he came to shabbat when the child have to read didn't come why they had AA convention he had to be there and they came came to ra Ruben finstein and asking him aren't you insulted that your own ABA didn't come he said no I'm sure that my father loves me very much how do you know he said I'll tell you my father before that F used to learn nonstop and nobody should bother him but he stopped the LI he stopped because I was a child going to ISA he used to take my clothing and put it on the radiator so when I'll wake up the shirt and everything else will be warm himself the close his book take the clothing and put it on the radiator so when the child will wake up he will not say I'm freezing in my shirt number two he says we used to go on the break on the summer to the mountains and my father and had with me every day but he said it was an hour of fun for the kids somebody comes with a horse and there and he can collect all the keys when the H came with with with the wagon my father told me okay we finished now go have fun go f because he knew how important for me it was I was a child how important for me to have fun if it was us say ah what fun say thank you I brought you here sit down and now he sees all friends got he feel like a loser yes and number three he say I always had a chair next to my father he made you Friday night shabbat guest coming guest I'm not coming he said you going to sit right next to me to give him importance you have to respect you what we we doing if we have a guest y all the kids eat chick CH go there like a a garbage can yes and then comes there you cannot do it we as parents we have to lay the ground for the kids to respect us they have to to to respect us yes but we have to to respect them as well don't forget because of them they're calling us Aba any IM man when you don't have kids right so they are the cause that at least I fulfill what I want I want a child I want to be called Aba and here comes this child finally somebody will call you ABA somebody will call you Im so they also deserve some respect don't call them names as as it's a and you're destroying your child unfortunately I have to say the generation now there's many kids that needs to go to therapy what's going on over here why kid needs to go to therapy what's the reason because they get bombarded from the parents and and some of them Al they smack the child they give a did you ask yourself one why the child behave like that something to think about something met something to think about because usually parents will wake up when he very late when he is late okay I don't want to tell you what's going on in my office besides the couples but with the kids a kids have to hug me doesn't let go and he said please don't send me [Music] home many many times I have to sit on my chair by myself alone and cry on my chair that's how bad it is what happened what happened to the parents today don't you love your kids they human being after all they are in trouble the society is not not normal today they don't know even where they they belong to we have to help them not to destroy them so I hope that everybody got the message and we'll be much more patient close your eyes close your eyes not this way this way you're not going to accomplish nothing only that's the best thing to do the child will go out of we will not accuse you we knew what he what he was doing any questions no questions yeah what's the question close your eyes but make sure they have guilt whenever they do how do you how do they still like how do you ins that that they have the guilt if you always close your what should you do about let them feel let the child feel the at the end do at the end give him a chance to do CH and CH has to come from yourself not nobody will be able to force you to do ch right you should come for yourself so let the child have a chance also that's all yes you coning your eyes a child that's lying to you right aren't you like teaching him that it's okay to no they know it's not okay to lie you have to ask yourself as a parents why she's lying why he's lying so it's alarming it's alarm he doesn't feel good about himself so he lies in order to look good in front of your eyes but actually inside he feel better about himself no no so you take the shout out he needs attention he needs somebody to talk to him somebody that he will stop he is calling for attention so some kids will go I don't know what and each one has his own reaction what happen when the lady is upset they're all reacting the same huh how God they all coming from the same place some will cry some will scream and some will not eat and some eats extra you know everybody has his [Music] own so why can't we understand that the child is something bothering him so he decided to lie do you see this yeah to be a bully also that the child comes home with the unidentified objects as a was my mother and calling the school behind his back of course no so you stealing you stilling that's why I'm pay the child send you a signal I'm in trouble usually we want to treat the symptoms The Bullying the lying and everything else is only the symptom to one problem the child is in emotionally in trouble and that's our job to get there and to try to help this child as much as we can and to leave everything aside the phones the bir Thursdays thear W you have a job to do extremely important okay and the questions oh here we go yes a how do I do the child that always wants to win always wants to win yeah okay that's a good that's good but there is a way you always say it's only a game it's only a game you know you keep saying because a child don't forget one second until 12 years old if if it it's a girl right it's a boy the one piece of yet say did you see once I want to lose no so a child always want wants to win as much going tell him you know it's only a game why taking get so serious I don't like to play with you they don't want to lose so if I were you I will do the let them win all the time H all the time let and then you know from there know in in life sometimes you have disappointment that's only a game you know one time two times 10 times 50 times we want instant coffee I told you yeah chick Jack I know people here for 35 years I'm saying to them don't talk 35 years not 35 times 35 years I don't know still it doesn't help me so what do you want from Child what you leave them alone the atmosphere in the house should be the atmosphere of Love okay as much as I know as much as I know you put it over here deep and we're going to find a way how to treat it okay many times I say if me now me by my age I'm taking my kids out alone alone they already married with kids one of them even again mother I take her out by your just to ask her how are you I'm still you you know do you need any any any any any help you know and exchanging my daughter and me like she is still a teenager and she's a grandmother the kids didn't so why they will not respect me not because of my bu no forough I used to do with them every child needs you every child need you I'm I'm telling you the the the phones you have to break them into pieces especially when you come home forget about phone the the the child is the main thing the main thing take them out one by one give them time AB IM you know you don't know what it does to your child you don't know what it does to a child okay any questions anym thank you very much thank you very much and a good night everybody