Rabbi Paysach Krohn: Chizuk,Compliments & Constructive Character Hesped For R' Dovid Trenk Z"l

brutha my boy him che Miyagi share Tara like to welcome Gollum everyone who wasn't here last night who's joining us for a 24th annual summer Sheeran program about to satoori are cuter shush em programs in Borough Park will it Flatbush and Williamsburg which are part of evening she retires buses terror throughout the year I also like to welcome everyone who's joining it on the phone and whoever was watching through any time is Shiva world etc and all the notions of Kanye's upstairs and downstairs of course thank you the biggest rakaia to rabbi mrs. David Lange for sponsoring tonight's Shearer exclusive for slimovitz Vera best anniversary Harvey royal selection Ishika to a lemn shame for the supports of tonight sheet of the knishmas will be shy yo you saw Feb in a simpler model of a sullen as you know your get your terror relies on the supporters at Sieber to help with the great expenses to bring these programs of Sheeran to the community please call you can share Tyra and sponsor is sheer and help us with this great expense at seven one eight eight five one eight six five one or email tape Center at Yeshiva net.com tonight we have the covered evidence once again we have a pace our own daughter - and author topic of physic complements and constructive characters my cover - corn have I chrome for tonight sure sure it's a great host have been invited wherever lots of Baldur I'm super Dutch once again to come to egrants you're a tiger we all owe them a tremendous thanks for what they've done not only here in Brooklyn but throughout the world really they're involved in planning over a thousand serum a year maybe she should help that they should have continued Curtis to continue doing it I'd be a scigirl less than two weeks ago the Euler materia and specifically the Euler Makino suffered a tremendous loss and that was the loss and the Patera of somebody who was so beloved by so many of us here and that was the loss of robbed of a trinkets article of Rafah anybody who knew him felt invigorated by him anybody who knew him knew that his obvious royal and as I was tell me them was unsurpassed as my rebbe reb David Cohen who was his brother-in-law said that there very few people on Claudia Shaw who are as beloved as robbed of a Trank and that was because there were very few people in Claudia's trial who loved other Jews the way robbed of a Trank loved them and it's because of that I want to share with you a very interesting part Doctoroff Whitner said and that's going to be the theme of what we've come to talk about tonight at the end of Pasha's mashaallah the terror tells us that moisture was planning a war against a Moloch and he calls in Yeshua but yeh Manisha al Yeshua Misha says to Joshua Behar lana wa notion let us pick out people would say he loved fame by malik and we're gonna go fight against I'm awake and it's interesting Rashi says but Carlo know me and you we below mean your we're gonna pick out he made him out can equal how she really spoke to him like an equal this is his Talmud and he says let's do it together McCann home rule from here we see you he could by Tommy dog having a little kiss along the covered of your Talmud should be so important in your own mind as your own coven all of us want covered all of us want to be validated that's how you have to treat a color atonement as well so of course for a goodness of course it's very important to be concerned for the cover of your Talmud but what's it doing here by our knowledge righted by Korea cetera by Lee monitory righted by when there's a relationship with your new Rebbe anatomic what is it doing here at the end of mashaallah and he says something very interesting he says if you take a look at the last posit in mashallah the words are no Himalayan bomb or lake and or the Mohammed dashing maintains a war against a Moloch from generation to generation dr. Hooten where's our Moloch whose our Moloch and a witness says something very clever he says you know the Moloch is anything that doesn't allow us to transfer tie rod and you disguise I'm a sailor to the next generation that's what it means Mohammad Ahsan bamileke in autumn of karma Hashem against a Moloch is anything whether it's advertisements whether it's individuals whether it's immorality anything that causes somebody to not be able to give over to your emissary to the next generation with ardour that's what I'm all like it's all about and that's why it's here because if you want to give over to your town with the misery of Yiddish kite and you want to give over the gimmick of mitzvos and Alva session and here a session then the only way you're gonna do it is if you love the Talmud and you give him covered and he feels that you love him and you care for him and so I want to share with you a beautiful story about robbed of a drink and all of us as I'm telling you the story think about what we would do if we were the Rebbe in this situation all of us know that for many many years he was a rebel adelphia yeshiva Nakia he took care of the talmidim Arabica dahlias lotta words told me this remarkable story one Friday night a boy in the Shiva told rub David tranqs car and he took the car and he went to a movie theater and I went to watch a movie somehow Dov at rank found out about it and he left his Shiva he walked to the movie theater now I don't know if any of you were ever in that Delphine's Shiva it was all fruit 9 but not all fruit 9 it was deep in so that was a long walk to get to route 9 and then to go to the theater he comes to the ticket agent the lady that's sitting up front and he says mam I don't want to buy ticket but I have a student who's inside and I've got to tell him something so can I just go in and I'll come right out and she says fine and he goes into the dark theatre Friday night and he's looking around for his talent and he finds him and he sits down right next to him and he says to him the popcorn that they sell here is not kosher make sure you don't eat it that's what he said nothing more and he turns to leave and the talmud grabs ahold of it it says Rebbe I'm coming with you and the talmud walked back with rubb Daubert rank all the way back to the yeshiva and he said to him I swear I will never be mahalo Shabbos again what war what would we do if we were the Rebbe what would we say to that Talmud stole the car on Shabbos goes to a movie theater but that's he could tell me the hobby of a little Kassala it's almost unimaginable that a human being in our generation should be able to have such Solanas and such love of talmidim and such understanding of what's gonna make a talmud become inspired and that's exactly what hood nurse saying here is a boy that could have gone off to Derick on his family his children would all be lost eventually but yet that's me door door when you know how to do it and the Talmud seals that love all of a sudden it's a different ballgame a story was written about job David was that automa sir convention and that many many of these conventions after a speaker speaks they have a panel and questions are asked so I was not at this term of sir convention but I understand dr. Bowyer survey was one of the people that was on the panel and there were many people that were asking questions and one of the questions that was asked was a very painful question and it's a question that needs great great yeshivah does and the question was at what point do you throw out a kid from the yeshiva you have to wait till he's influencing others how much can you take from the child this is family make a difference and everybody was waiting to hear what the Russia Sheva Philadelphia would say was very tense and very quiet in this quietness in the Ute audience robbed of a train cut up and he screamed out it's a year the sugar Shama it's a year the sugar Sharma it's a Yiddish in the shower and he sat down Annabel your survey said we don't argue with robbed of a drink now I don't know what the final answer was but one thing is for sure everybody there saw what it means to care for other tongue read them and that's what he was all about and it's so interesting that just a few weeks ago we went through sarira and we know that the 24,000 tylium of rebbi akiva died Dhaka during Sphero before she was and Robin Cutler is a very interesting question why did Hashem make it that they should die during sphere ax before couple of cetera imagine imagine because shall a no-go coverage represent imagine if they got in ello imagine if they died then I says you make Juba every Rock every Rebbe every motor would have what to say in class look what happened they died so my novel coverage seven said we got a do true or rush your honor we got a do - I said she made Juba we got to do trooper before Yom Kippur let's be perfect but that's the one they died they died before she was during spheric and rabbi rights in Mishnah sir Byron the chief on the costal ahem batik toka variant being that they didn't get along with each other which is one of the Memphis for him what happened ain't I you know some Batak Lascaux Roy the trailer was not the ultimate way Norman Mailer like how you ruined Lee ice how my stream the tarnish about college a race they could not be the ones that would give over Tara to the next generation that's why they died before tours to teach us a great lesson to teach every Rebbe every Mora and every father and every mother if you want to be the one that's gonna give over Tyra and Miss Sarah and the love of you describe to your children and your tummy the man your tummy dies and your grandchildren you gotta love them and not only you've got to love them but they have to feel that you love them you can't just say you love them and they know that you're really not proud of them and you wish that they were in another family kids understand they see right through you but because they didn't get along with each other but they didn't have a love for each other they couldn't give it over to the next generation because they wouldn't love to Tommy them and the morrow is an interesting question anyway the morale says why would they die after all they didn't kill anybody they didn't eat young chip I didn't drive on Shabbos so what's the reason why they died and the morale gives us an expression and you Roma some of base on the base which is worth trying to remember Cashin no you covered Mahavira when you give coverage to your friend double zero at summer time that's the essence of life imagine you walked into an idea and you're gonna shoot a tiger and that one person set some away from to you now one person greeted you a person could feel one of the time what am i doing it doesn't anybody care about me so when you give coverage when you validate somebody you give them life when you take away coverage from others you're taking away life and now they're my trinket that's what they did they took away life from each other that's why their lives were taken away and that's what we have to learn tonight tonight we're going to learn the importance of giving his hook the importance of building someone the importance of empowering others motivating others and validating others and when you do that that's when Claudia soil is united and that's exactly what happened by her c9 but you can't show me a soil negative heart it should have said via Hinault they rested why does it say bye you can rush in your head and of course we all know Keisha hood believer cut they were all like one they all cared for each other and that's what we say cool uma Whovian coolin Bruin Coulomb nicer than the average shoe sellers there every one they give to each other the opportunity to grow and that's what we have to learn tonight how do we do that so I want to share with you something that I just said literally this past Sunday night at Sunday actually on Friday I was just in Poland just got back Sunday and Friday I had the great source to Darvin by the caver of the rawa in Krakow and we spoken there I'm Marshall it's a trip that you should all take if it's possible it's such an amazing intense inspiring trip to go to Poland to be in these places dilib leimia shiva to be by the river ee mela and the concentration camps and to talk about them as their sin that fish and to be right there I'm all and I told them that there are more how to town with the lavash and listen to this dinner show Panaro that they love wash rides and this is in tough call a ballad save base and it says like this yeah she became Iceland places Chenoa gem that day many gives to give the Baltic a on the waters blowing Schaefer to give him one of the five Elias of the day now there's only five a list there's not seven Elias like on a Shabbos so those Elias are very cautious and yet there's a Minich in many places up to lavash that that's what there are more says the bush explains why to give the Baltic a of one of Elias why listen to this joke to lavash shall your Daisy because he's gonna get the alia your OSHA a Koi Koi he's gonna have that strength she your harlots call ya Yaffa he's gonna be able to blow better because when you give somebody covered and you validate somebody and you make him feel Kruschev then he's gonna perform in a miraculous way and then of course it says Jia muta have to show life about to care makes a mistake simile rather show hope that's a terrible Simon for those that send them up there so here in a sense they're giving him a compliment is a big show a couple hundred people in sure but we're giving you the alia you know why cuz you're special you're blowing Schaefer for us and the guy feels so good and as it's written wrote still the sound code we want to make him happy because through that he's gonna be able to blow Schaefer that's what a compliment is all about when you give a compliment to your child they will perform an incredible way that you would never believe and that's what every parent every father every mother every Rebbe every motor has to know that I want to tell you what a compliment how every single one of us here and tens of thousands in the world gained from one compliment many many years ago when I was in capital Goethe so we had somebody who was a fabulous artist which a few years older than me his name was Mayer's lotta wits and when you're in color war and I lived a whole year for color war that was my whole life you know coming to Kempe Gowda and being part of color war I lost every single year color war except when I was General David Sarnoff Mona's on me but whatever when you were a general in color war you had to pick out the best artists so that you would have a beautiful banner and of course every year that mayor's a lot of Woods was in camp he was always chosen first because nobody could drop banner like he did so but there was a friend that was also in camp there was very close in age to may as a lot of what's his name was mayor Fogle monoliths lawn mayor Fogle got married never had any children and he died very young so in 1975 when he died mayor slaughter would say was his good friend decided you know what I want to do something the second dish wants mayor Fogle everything what could he do say decided you know what I'm gonna write a commentary I'm a Gilles ester and I'll give it out to a few friends and like this anybody who learns it all right that is the second dish was made of Fogo and it'll be a Swiss for his neshama so he wrote the commentary and he showed it to rob David Cohen who was a good friend of his and robbed of it said this is so good you can't just give this out you're gonna publish this he said what did he publish this he said listen you have a company right now he used to draw scrolls and he used to do manuscripts for dinners and the name of his company was called art scroll because he did Scrolls of art they said listen you got it company just publish it and publish it and many people will gain from it he said you think it's worth it he said of course it's worth it it's brilliant so he got a guy by the name that should say a guy he got a push of atomic Holcomb Drive nuts and Sherman who was the Rebbe installing at that time or maybe already he was in turbid Oz and he said listen Rev David says I got to publish it so he needs an introduction and they called it an overview and they printed it and within weeks 20,000 of those Magilla sets that were printed and that was the beginning of Oscar oh one compliment burr of David Cohen and then what happened when they saw how many it sold then they decided you know what we got to do roots for Schwartz and then we got to do a competition buff and then we gotta do catalyst for su cos they were gonna do sha sharing for paisa every single one of us here and every person that's listening that speaks English around the world if you're an Orthodox Jew you own at least one Austral book I hope it's the market book but beside but let's face it we're gonna have on January 1 2020 95,000 people have to see my shows half of them will have learned shots to the watch girl one compliment that amazing one compliment that he should get it published and that was the catalyst for article what a great source you never know when you give somebody a compliment and then many many people I don't want to embarrass them they know that when they do a good job and videos and other things that I always call them to compliment them because when you do something and you put your heart and soul in it you want to be validated you want to feel that it was worth it so now I want to show you something and I appreciate that the technician is in the back I hope that all of you that I hear will be able to see it and if not I'll show you the pictures afterwards and those that are watching upstairs are around the country wherever you're watching I hope you'll be able to see it a few weeks ago actually was parsha speaker day I got a call from Houston and a young Carla fellow calls me up and he says do you remember you won Euston a couple years ago I said yeah he said you remember you met a boy that has only one hand I said you know I would think that I would remember that but I don't he said well that boy is having a Bar Mitzvah this week Pasha's Fukuda and you told him many years ago that when he has a Bar Mitzvah if he sends you an invitation you might come I said I didn't get an invitation he said I'll tell you why you didn't get an invitation because he went to his father and he said to his father remember rabbi chrome said that he would come could we send him an invitation so the father said no they said why not he said cause he's so busy he was just being a nice guy he doesn't really have time I don't want to put the pressure on him but this car look I said maybe you could call him because that would be special he has only one hand he's putting on Trillin and he's a darling boy his name is miss mu passel I said of course give me his number I'll call him now it's hard to believe but this is a picture of him putting on tefillin again it's hard to see it you'll come up here afterwards you'll see it he has only a stump on his right hand and one finger on it I'll hold it up but you really can't see it you've got to see it on the screen or whatever and here's how he holds the Trillin bag again and this is the picture of how he has to adjust the shell Yad this shall rush rather with his right with his left hand right I'm looking at records and so of course I called him and I complimented him and then as I was talking to him I suddenly realized hey wait a second I'm not the guy that's supposed to give him he's look I know somebody who could give a piece of ten times better than me there's a guy in San Paulo who's over 80 years old who's one of the sponsors of them assess of art scroll hurry us you can look it up he's over 80 years old them when he was 19 he lost his entire left arm in a car accident I've met him many many times I know his relatives very well that's where I stay when I go to some Paulo I called him up and I said you know there is this little boy in Houston who's having a Bar Mitzvah and he has only one hand like you do would you be able to write him a note and just wish him Mazel Tov and he said of course so I thought that this man was gonna write like an email of three lines he wrote him an email which is three pages I'm not gonna read the whole thing but I just want to show you what it means when somebody validates and cares about somebody else he writes dinner from your Mazel Tov Mazel Tov Mazel Tov on the occasion of your permits it's my privilege and honor to wish you from the bottom of my heart that Hashem should grant you to always go from strength to strength and merit to go on to become an autumn God oh he says my name is Wally Stern I'm 89 and I live in San Paolo Brazil I lost my entire left arm in a car accident at the age of 19 at that time I was completely devastated but the first thought flashing through my mind was I will not let this accident drag me down and stop me a life I will try my best to continue life business as usual as if nothing happened as far as possible I'm broke a shame a shame has been kind to me I've been able to do many positive things learn and work and run a successful business as he told you he sponsored a Gemara Hariri as you look it up he works for raising money fair front and listen to this it never stopped me from driving a car I used to play tennis when I was younger with one hand imagine and even started to ski at age 50 could you believe that doing so for many years and then you write some your handicap is all in your mind it's your mind that instructs and commands your actions thanks Sasha I've been successful in all my endeavors any rights I can understand what it is but he says I'm just telling you if you look at yourself as not having the handicap other people will also not look at you as having a handicap at the end of the day the basis for people to decide how to relate for you to you is your own behavior and how you relate to yourself in your own handicap and of course he wishes him Mazal and Brava should be an autumn god--all when the father got this letter because he sent it to the father's email he took it any framed it and he hung it up in the room of Nathania Nehemia will go the rest of his life with these words of kazakh that's what a compliment is and if any of us have ever gone through anything in life and we see somebody else that has gone through the same thing that's exactly what we have to do we have to give peace look and tell that person listen what you're going through I went through and if I can make it you can make it and that's how you validate to make somebody feel special I'll tell you something very important sometimes we were embarrassed to compliment someone but it's an onion of letting a person know that they are special and even the Robo initial alum does that right in the beginning of seifish mice the first Rafi and right in the beginning of safer by mid bar the first Rafi look at those rashes and you'll see an amazing thing the Ailish boys bnei yisrael sucked and the karachi FRP Sherman and the Cayenne even though that he counted all the Eden when they came down to MIT's Ryan he counts them again lady acaba son to show them how he loves them when you have something special you count it it's so precious in your life just like the Stars Hashem brings them out and counts them with their names in the account as it says I might see miss Barr serve on the coulomb be shameless mache micro so I gotta tell you a great story it's a story about me not me my mother I'm the backup kamenetsky now my mother was a very very from lady and I always say the difference between my mother and rub you salsa lanta and this is so true my mother I remember one time I was sitting where she shunt at the table I had a safer on the table she does it take to say four of the table of six months it's gonna be plays off reverie so salon that was one sitting at the Seder table and he says oh we got to do children six months is Rosh Hashanah so my mother I'm Rosh Hashanah is worrying about paisa Rubirosa Lanta I'm paced I was worried about Rosh Hashanah why do I tell you this because I went with my mother and my late brother up Colman's afraid of Rocco we went to a bank up to Eskimo Shila was the whole thing about my mother going charities royal Andhra Bank of asked my mother why she wants to go from bank it was sitting here I was here my mother was here and my mother said because she wanted to see the grandchildren my sister had moved to Eretz he saw many many years earlier she hadn't seen the grandchildren of that family for many years and she wanted to see Sarab yankov in his soft manner said riffle and Claudia how many grandchildren do you have and my mother didn't answer so I said mom she asked you a question she said I heard him you know she's not counting right right so she's fluent there are active so like I'm so embarrassed I'm sure she's here I'm here Rebecca Zia as I said some guy Kevin and Schulich my mama mains high in hora women sailed the kingdom my mother holds there might be an iron hora you know if you counted the children so Bianca was so Adel he doesn't address her he said you can't see it's all gonna my Naaman right Kenzie's talking to my Norman I see how I hold as my mousse say when Allah in o'clock you have to count all your grandchildren momadunc personified yet the a Nicole you gotta be thankful for every grandchild and my mother didn't tell I'm not telling you what to do but the point is you see Rashi says that they wish to counted to see how many he had cuz he loved him so much that's our objective saying now you could count your own grandchildren maybe not that go tell it to everybody but the corner of your eye can according to the positive looks like you got to know now I will tell you this that somebody when they ask my River of David Cohen how many grandchildren you have he always says not enough so he doesn't say hey sure he must know himself because they've tour immaculately got a know you know you have to be grateful for everyone but that doesn't mean that you have to broadcast it so validate somebody make them feel special and when you give a compliment give a compliment so they feel it I'll tell you what happened with my daughter it's just incredible my son although told me this story my daughter Ellie Sheva she had had a baby and a few excited there was a vomits in Far Rockaway so her and a husband a frien they walked was quite a walk and they walked to the bomb itself so when they came in the mother who was a friend of my daughter said oh you shouldn't have come you just had a baby what are you doing here it's probably so hard for you to be here oh my daughter said you know something after she said that I was thinking you know I shouldn't have come that's not a compliment what the lady meant to say was it's so nice of you to come it's probably absorbent you don't say a negative I want to show you a compliment you can't believe this is a fellow in Lakewood I just met him for the first time a few weeks ago but he called me a while ago too tell me this story it seems that everybody in Lakewood knows him his name is simcha Wineman and he's a photographer a famous photographer in Lakewood so he told me that in 1997 he was told that he wanted to go get a picture of the kid a luminary sir Lee wanted to go take a picture of rebel Yossef so they told them that trouble Yahoo gets up four o'clock in the morning and he sits by an open window and everybody knows that rebel Yossef always used to sing the Gemara with the same tune that he sang it as a young man even when he was 90 and 95 he always said it at a certain sing song if I knew what it was I would tell it to you but I don't know what it was how he sang it but everybody knew that he learned out loud and he sang the Gemara so he was told you go 4 o'clock in the morning nobody's in the street you'll be able to get a picture of him by the open window fine now simcha told me that he would love to learn he loves learning but he finds it a little bit difficult it's not easy for me to learn but he admires tell me to calm him and he loves them and he loves to watch them learn and he tries to learn himself but it's not easy he told me gets up early in the morning 3:30 in the morning and he's coming towards rubbishes house now it's 4 o'clock in the morning sure enough they're probably Asha is by the open window and he he and he was watching and he's got the lens of his camera focused and he's about to take the picture of revolution and he is so overwhelmed by the sweetness and the beauty of the god lantern learning alone that he puts down the camera and he starts crying he's so overwhelmed look how beautiful this is he's so good to see that and before he can even get a chance to pick up his camera again Bravo Yahoo you know at night or 4 o'clock in the morning the voice carries but really is somebody crying he looks out and there's a young man's dead thing four o'clock in the morning and emotions Tim come in come in and simply told me he comes in and washer system is everything okay like why are you crying so he said rather I really came to take a picture of the river but I saw how you were learning I was so overwhelmed by the beauty I wish I could learn like that I find it so hard to learn I wish that I could learn but when I saw you learning I was so bug eyes that I was so overwhelmed and he started crying again listen to what Rob Lee Asif told him I'm gonna quote it exactly I wrote it down exactly he said Dinah year the Erin Zen invert my Gansa learnin could you imagine that imagine trouble Yossef telling you that Dinah Yiddish it's rare in Zen invert my Gansa learnin I get the chills when I tell it to you you know what he told me he said he came back to Lakewood and he decided he's gonna learn no matter what and there was a kid it was a very bright boy in his early teens and even though that he was embarrassed as anything he said he went over to that kid he said I know you're a smart boy would you learn with me and now he has a seder learning every morning probably Asif didn't tell him to learn Bravo Yosef gave him a compliment that his holy tears are worth roughly I was learning and that's what I've dug a trench and that's what drop footer is talking about when you talk to a Talmud with love and when you talk to a Talmud with validation and concern you could get them to do anything not because you're gonna get it because they really want to do it they just need motivation that's really what they need I'll show you a motivation every time we go to Vilna and in the few weeks we're gonna go again to Poland then Vilna will be by the cave of Rabbi myself I always filled up hi Musa grazinsky was the Zaid of Claudius all you ever see the picture of him with a big literature yarmulke I gotta tell you this has nothing to do with the speech my favorite dream ever that I had my favorite dream ever I dreamt one night I dreamt I was sitting in sure Yom Kippur I'm gonna play my what's sitting right next to me where's big literacy yarmulke and I turned to him taught to believe but in the dream anything could happen I turned him I said you know I would love to give you a kiss but I can't kiss you it's in a shul would you mind coming outside so I could give you a kiss and then I woke up so I don't know if I ever kissed him or not but I know why I dreamt it this it's push it because in shul and yom kippur my zeta used to sit next to me and I always say that up high miser was the saint of Claudius Jose does they think there's Java you know that's why I dreamt that but somebody once came to repine myself a young boy who was supposed to go into the Russian army and Roma he wanted an exemption he was afraid that you know if he goes to the army who knows what could happen to him and rapine boys I said to him do it is the boy couldn't lie to God a lot though he said no he said you wish fill in he said no he said you're Seamus Chavez and the voice said no imagine the hoods of a kid is not from he's coming to a god lot or you know to get an exemption listen to what our high miser told him he said young man I give you a bra ha that the Russian government should be as disappointed in you as I am as a bunch what do you think of that they that have AC and you know something next week the boy came back and he said wherever your bro ho was McCrea and he picked up a shirt then he showed him that he was wearing citrus and the kid walked phillyd and he was the shame of Shabbos the rest of his life what would any of us done what's bad you come to a cuddle at door notes it's his notes fill in those habits and you want the rough to give you a bra who were you talking about but he gave me bra huh but he got some message across that's what I've done at rank would have done that sort of great Rebbe does I'll tell you something very interesting Romania Shapiro once it's a very interesting question and the terrace is a fabulous question we should all know it because we all go through things in life Ramesh appear ask that if you look and parshas bakusai at the end of course value crop the last parsha in bogota is Aron Eric and his values somebody wants to give money to the based on big Dutch and he wants to give a certain amount the value of a man the value of a woman the value of a child so Ramesh appear says why does the Hamish end with those in American and besides shouldn't it be bite stalker or shouldn't it be by car bonus you want to give a carbon you want to give money like well what's it doing at the end of the high sign I remain Shapiro says something evolving he says no has nothing to do with being the end of all guy site it's because it's right after the Tokyo huh right after the Toyota Hall where Claudius Earl goes through so much tragedy and so much pain a person who goes through tragedy and turmoil of life sometimes looks at themselves and say I'm nothing I shan't hates me I'm not worth anything so the turtle wants to show you no no say that everybody's got value even after title huh even after difficulties in life Hashem still loves you you've got value just remember that the parsha of aircon that's not that it ends book eyesight it's following title huh that a person should always feel they have valuable are you gonna feel you have value you could tell it to yourself of course you have to have self-esteem but we know that that's hard to maintain many many people suffer from self-esteem but if they have a lack of self-esteem but if they have good friends a great spouse or they have good connections with other people make them feel special they're gonna feel good about themselves and they can accomplish you can't accomplish if you said and you're depressed when you feel good about yourself that's when you could accomplish so listen to this story I just heard this story for my son Rob of roms elico told it over it was very very close to rubbish flcl of a Shalom so he heard from the family that when the family was sitting Shiva for of Israel of the young fellow came and nobody knew who he was and you know after a while when he was there so they asked him who he is he said well I'm a former Talmud of your father and he saved my life she said what does that mean she said I was a Talmud and then I went off to Daryl for two two and a half years no Shabbos notes it says no Phil and nothing and one day I was walking in Brooklyn and I saw my Rebbe in the distance no it's very tall snot easy to miss rabbi Belsky he said I didn't know if I should go over to him or not I didn't know if he'd recognized me I didn't know if he would want to see me because after all I wasn't from anymore but I figured you know he was my Rebbe I gotta say Shama like him so I went over to him and as soon as he saw me he embraced me said oh he how are you show a little so nice to seal they said well Rebbe you know I'm just not room anymore I said aha that's that's just a face in two months you'll be back yeah it's it's only a face and and that was it and they got a - conversation never ever Bilski was very sick already at that time I don't know if this boy knew that or not but he was living at home and two months later to the day his mother woke him up and she said rabbi bielski passed away last night he said I can't believe it I just saw them and that morning he put on tefillin for the first time in three years and during the shiver he went and he said to the family I started wearing thrillin again exactly like your father said he said it was a phase I was gonna change in two months almost two months to the day that's when I heard that he passed away and that's what happened cuz rabbi Belsky embraced him I'm sure rabbi Bielski invested a lot of time in this kid like you did with any other visit I made them and he didn't push him away kid wasn't wearing a yarmulke probably wasn't dressed appropriately where you shove him on or anything terrorists should be dressed who knows if he had an earring on both ears and a necklace but that didn't make a difference you have to be able to see past that and if you can see past that and you look into the heart of a person that's a tremendous difference then you validate a person that's really what it's all about so I want to tell you a story about a father who I know very well the father had a son who had the curliest hair you could imagine imagine and this family had the Minik that they don't cut the hair until the kid is three years old so this little boy because yarmulke would fly off all the time he would ride his bike and their hair was like brillo and there always fell off and it bothered the father no end every night he would yell at the kid why don't you pick up your yarmulke or whatever one like the father sitting at his desk when the kid is riding his three wheeler and it comes around in front of the desk and is the yarmulke flies off and the father had just had it and he got up and he said you're such a I can't it was ticking what is he crazy what is he gonna call this kid he said salic you such exotic how could you drop your yarmulke not pick it up and from that night on that kid never ever dropped the yarmulke without picking it up whether he was riding a bike or he was in the best football court in Kimble go to wherever he was the second the yarmulke fellow he picked it up you know because he's it now what happens if positive shown the father would have called him something else that would be terrible and you know what the plastic says listen how far she learned this plastic initially tests pisacas i'll tell you how late's don't give Musa to a joker plenteous now who's gonna hate you don't waste your time with the lates of you but he'll love you well listen how they touch Oh toy class don't give Musa and cool the guy in legs don't say you're a good-for-nothing you're Russia you call somebody a name pan you snake is gonna hate you how did you forget the bench okay just keep with your sonic if your sonic said it looks Wow my father thinks I'm what Sonic so of course we gotta pick up my yarmulke Hortense will Hong Kong be a vicar that's how you gotta do it now I want to talk about a topic for a second a periphery aspect of this topic cuz I don't want to get into vaccinations or not that's not what the topic is at all whether you do vaccinate don't vaccinate that's your own situation but recently in The Wall Street Journal which is probably one of the only papers that you could still read without being embarrassed there was an article and the article was it's so interesting how to persuade parents to vaccinate their kids how do you persuade parents so it's not a question again now a vaccination or not but how do you talk to a parent if you want to convince them about something so listen to this with this dr. wrote the most successful physicians I've seen have two things in common empathy and humility empathy means that they care and that the humble we know what doesn't work and it's the equivalent that when a child says but why many child many children ask why and what do you say because I said so that's not an answer that's not an insulinoma the CEO says those kids are not dropouts those are push else it doesn't work to become than sending judgmental or impatient or angry so let's try different way and this is how a doctor should talk and this is how we should all talk to other people that were trying to convince we all love our children we all want the best for them as your doctor I understand you're not trying to hurt your child so let's talk now when a doctor talks like that so the parent feels comfortable they don't put up that barrier of resistance look we're all on the same page we all want to help the child let's talk let's see what makes sense and what doesn't that's how you talk facts matter tones matter body language matters a gentle inquisitive why do you think that is more effective than an impatient what do you think that and you know something we have to be careful how we talk to our spouses you know poor question there many many people here I'm married for many many years and what happens is you begin to you know take the spouse for granted and sometimes you'll say something to a spouse that you would never say to anybody else it's amazing I come to homes many many times obviously as a mile and the day of the bris everybody's nice and fancy you know everybody's nice and but you know you should see them the day after or the day before right very nasty they wouldn't talk like that's anybody else so we have to have empathy you have to care for other people and we have to deal with humility what does it mean validation I have a cousin Eskie cook happens to be Dover trained sister-in-law it's a fabulous fabulous artist and you know what you told me how her mother validated her art even before the first grade could you imagine she used to draw pictures as a child and she would show it to her mother so her mother said sq this is so beautiful come here I want to show you something as she drew a little C with a circle copyright on it and s curator what is that no copyright this is so special it's only yours nobody could copy it only when she got older that she realized how hush of the copyright sign is not that it meant anything but that's how the mother validated the child's artwork a four year old she's putting a copyright sign on it I know somebody who varnish them married off to children and when the child both children when they got engaged she did the most remarkable thing she called every single person that had read a off to that to their child and that they went out and thanked him and said you brought me a step closer now imagine you're a shop son or you try to register it kind of didn't work out so you think other people forgot about you know you validate them you validate you make them feel special they spend time and they're gonna spend time for others have people here that have of parties in their home and if they're when they get sick of it you know why cuz nobody thanks them for the effort many times it doesn't work we know that I've been to places here in Brooklyn we've done it so many times and after a while the families you know nobody says thank you and what they get engaged in order to tell you thank people that's what validation is all about what was the last time think about it you have to raise your hands when was the last time you talked about Carafa darling for laning think about that I try every single time I try I can't say I always remember when I get an ally if I'm going out of town another show they give me an ally and I'm making Misha Berra and make you miss you bear for the host for the place that I'm staying after the balk I wrap the marker like he's preparing ready for the next Ellie a look like are you serious me yeah you're laning right nobody else gotta Lane nobody else bent blessed night all night preparing go over I was just on a trip right nobody wants to dump for the almonds what happened you don't know how to dump for the oven well what's the big deal yeah but nobody wants to do it so the guy who did it you owe me I should call ya cuz you didn't have to get up so validate people by saying thank you that's what's so important I have a grandson who's uh a Rebbe and Waterbury's name is Moshe dope ever so he asked this kid sixth grade he said did you guys ever get a compliment that made you realize you were special so one little boy said you know when I was a little boy he always used to sing and my mother always told me I had a beautiful voice but then eventually I joined a choir and I got some solos because his mother complimented him another one said that's a Rebbe Rabbi breast sure the principle set them oh I see that you learned very well you could probably learn twenty minutes alone every night and now the boys learning more than that why because you got a compliment that's what compliments are all about and you know something when you mention somebody's names that's also a very big compliment cause somebody by their name everybody loves their name so I want to give everybody homework from now til Mira's not Meir of tonight Meir of tomorrow night let's see if you can give five compliments I'll give you some examples I'll give you some examples why'd you go over to a guy and say you know that is a beautiful time now mr. Metzger wears these theories he knows I love his ties I was hoping you'd wear a tie tonight so I get complimented but I'm telling ya it gay ways you don't need the lights you just put on his time that's it a well-dressed person so he's never gonna forget this comment I mean you might not talk to me again but will you tell somebody - aren't there people in shul that you're inspired the way they'd oven well my Goldman is sitting here right so your followers Shalom I remember I was in the like or share with them was there ever a more a Dilla person there I'm Schlemmer Goldman the finest most wonderful ADA Lester Tom on the rug Dollywood's just beautiful beautiful person and you go over and you compliment somebody they never forget it never so let's see you tell somebody you know your dumpling inspires me you've got a great laugh oh you're one of a kind oh when you see somebody's child do something call them and give them a novice call it makes them feel so special makes no difference how old the parents are well how old the child is make those calls give a compliment and I'm telling you when you start giving compliments you're gonna get compliments but that's not the point the point is you validate somebody you make somebody feel special you know how many times I've called you straw Besser one of the greatest writers in our generation he writes an article about Robert Rankin writes an article anything that he writes in my father it's it's remarkable get his number and : I learned it from Sega of Sega from of muhabba of a safer came out it was written in his biography would call to Muhammad say that's a wonderful safer she continued writer and there are many many people that are doing great stuff today and we came from them and if we came from them even if you paid for this safer you still owe them a thanks and you know something I'll tell you funny you know I love to give compliments those of you who know me know that that's true but it was a compliment then there is a compliment that I didn't realize how people remember it for years and I only say it to those that I really mean it and I'll go over to somebody after a speech and I'll say you know you're a great listener really and when I mean there are certain people that you could see that they could repeat the whole speech is so into it and it means a lot as to a speaker you know you don't anybody sleeping you know anybody doesn't go awful you know watching the clock or whatever it's 9:59 by the way but whatever but the point is that you know it means something and sometimes I'll go back to England I'll go back to a place where I was said rabbi remember me you know I was the guy that was a great listener look I couldn't believe it it's amazing so recently I was in England and this guy sitting up front and he's falling asleep you know and you know every five seconds these doesn't go up and then he comes over to me I mean yeah okay don't say anything for gosh sakes but everybody comes over to me and he says rabbi I just want you to know I fall asleep for every speaker but for you I was up so I I was gonna tell him you know I was just about to get your Negev Lhasa but you know I didn't so I just want to tell you one more thing we'll review and then we'll end with a great thought you know well my sure I've been oh realized that he's not gonna go on charity soil so he said toss him in Pontius Pincus gift grow a shambolic a her Louisville Hulkbuster Hashem you who understand the mindset of every person I shall later appoint a person on the community so Oldham a forum ask my sharpener should have just said a sham appoint somebody in the community why do you say I shall I look like such an you understand every mindset now she says I'm on the phone if this is what I might share I've been Ahmet Rubin initial and gullibly a doula Fenella dot Ashok Allahabad you know every person vein of diamonds Ella's and no two people are alike Minelli and Manik appoint a leader she a cervical fffe dot a that could tolerate every person according to his mindset you have to be very careful when you say things to people there's some people that's so sensitive you say something about them they'll never forget it they'll be heard forever some people they can wash it off so everybody is different and that's what the major says to shame shame parfait and ermine Zelizer just like no two faces are like it's in by mid Barabbas base camp ain't not on shovin Zabuza no two faces are like no two faces no mindsets are alike elico ever cut - Lydia before they answer me everybody's got your own day up so if that's the case we don't need that book manna from your shil I'm a woman up from Bernabe rock but if you know what I mean right we're all different so let's review everything that we said we'll end with a fabulous story let's remember observe a drink who was nifty recently why did everybody loved him because he loved everybody else and he complimented any invigorated and he built people that's what Rob witness was telling us Muhammad SAW Shambo Malik me dur dur that's why over there it says he could wait on me though couple efficacy law let's remember that sort of Erin said why did they die before Schwartz because if you don't love you Dan you don't have cupboards epicyte you can't give it over to the next generation that's what the morale says when you give covered you give life if you take away covered you're taking away life lets you remember that one compliment arab double cone gave to me as a lot of wits everyone of us has gained because of the printing of all the wonderful extraordinary articles forum let's remember that beautiful letter that mr. stern wrote to Nehemia pastel in houston and now that was so proud to hang up that beautiful letter of pre-soaked let's remember Rashi tells us in the beginning of choice I'm beginning of my mid bra Hashem counts the hidden because he loves them and he wants him to know how much he loves them let's remember what reveal Yossef said two simple women then he either should turns an inverted mine dancer learning let's remember what her prime laser said to that boy I'll give you a broker the Russian government should be as disappointed in you as I am lets you remember her a belsky embraced that kid that was not from I told him it's only a phase don't worry you'll come back in two months and indeed it did come back in two months and let's remember I'll turn off lights don't ever call a name don't call anybody stupid you could say that a child did a stupid thing but don't ever call it stupid don't ever call a spouse a name ever no excuse no matter what they could have done a stupid thing that you could say we all do stupid things but never to use foul language let's remember to call all those who do us favors those who wretched looking for us thank about Kyra give compliments freely let's see if we could give a compliment five confluence between now and tomorrow night and finally let's remember that we're all different I just want to end with this magnificent painful story to listen to the klausenburg Arriba never lost a wife and 11 children in the war he once said the pus successfui cocaine by a frame as I know how the junk of Avena took his wife and 11 children over the stream he said I also took a wife and 11 children but I took them over the stream of blood and I took them to the land of condition so you could imagine how devastated the closure bag of rubber was after the war but yet in the DP camps he opened up his Shiva he opened up his ship and he opened up a base juncos for the girls and there was a young boy a teenage boy who never had lost so many of his family and had gone off to Dara and they went over to this little boy today wasn't sure him and everybody tried to convince him to come back to from kaity were absolutely refused so they went to the river because the revenue this boy's father liked this and he had heard about this boy so he said send them in to me now they went over to a shilling they said the rebel would like to seal now he knew very well what the river was gonna try to tell him and he decided no matter what he is not gonna get into a conversation with the river so they brought him in and the little boy is standing in front of the river and the river system they see shulam said yeah name is libel she skinned yeah your library son just yeah that's it no no more I couldn't say anything he said it had the Flex an Tomas MIT I hear that you used to learn a lot he says yeah and then the river said something Tim that kid was not expecting he sets him in Yiddish he said you're angry right and then the little boy looked up he said you're angry right and he nodded his head he said I know why you're angry because they took the best ones and they left you he said that's how I feel they took the best ones and they looked at me and the river started crying and he put his hands on the boy's shoulder and he put his head on the kid's head and they cried and she just burst up the tips and the river setter I agree with you I understand that you feel that's how I feel they took the best ones and they left us and he repeated it and for a half-hour they cried and that little boy grew up and he told me the story himself and he said that night I put on I said Sh'ma for the first time he said and then I slowly came back to you this guy I moved to Baltimore I met him as an old man and cue Garden Hills and I said Tommy what did the rippers say that changed you and listen to what he said he said everybody spoke to my head the rebus spoke to my heart and that's what a compliment was to Reverend didn't talk down to him the river wasn't gonna try to make him from after he lost everything there ever understood how angry the kid was he understood his sadness cuz he too felt said but the river was able to overcome that sadness but because he felt that pain of that child he was able to bring the child back that's what I felt and I once saw a beautiful expression about a compliment a compliment it's verbal sunshine and we all love sunshine let's try to build people not to break people every one of us is different every one of us has different cosinus let's find the kitchen and another person let's put our arm around other people and make them feel special because we all are special everyone has talents and if we realize that we have talents and we're not jealous of each other but we just want to build each other you'll be able to bring that octaves and be circuit to see my share from our time thank you for inviting me thank you for listening shame here you can shoot aramis's Boston were just left with one shy laughter such an amazing shear who do we thank first do we thank our by chrome foot amazing dresser do we thank the sponsors do we thank a sham we thank Rob I bawled we say I do we say affluence others do we say about them Geneva would sell and who do we thank first will have to have another share in DNA Kadima of the brothers by dog last play though topic for next time yeah in any case of iqv gosh eclairs to everyone I want for coming for everyone for listening throw by Kron for Shen that everything worked out tonight all the issues worked out and responses rabbi mrs. David lang is aflame of observe Astana basura fairly soil and Balaam shame the initial ceviche oh you saw a bear himself a boon in Malayalam and part of the thanks and of course observe is to show you our course at safety you can share Tara and sponsor ash shihr' you sherm cost a lot of money to organise the programs that vert iseman etc it's such a cool area she retired seven one eight eight five one eight six five one an email tape center yeshiva net.com have a great solicitors our bosses Authority Robin worldwide Jakarta CDs of tonight's show but very shortly scenes last night so available as well in the back Shekhar's everyone for coming and listening and joining and supporting of a 90-minute kashimoto tigers both lose our cases elevator here i'm taylor musician omar anoke office the man said go yeah go to our yard