Rabbi Mordechai Fishman Chazaq Shiva Asar B'Tammuz program 5778

oh sorry mayor of Cola Cola Kadesh has a and told those in the world of tour anytime I'd like to begin by thanking Kazak not just for hosting this event but as the Menai hey Lindy regala I witness on a daily basis the work of Kazak Kazakh has worked tirelessly over the last couple of years to place so many public school kids in yeshiva and on a daily basis as boys walking to my office with tests in the MU Daiko - with grades that are unbelievable and I know these boys came just within the last couple of months from public school thank to Kazak - testimony it's not what I'm here for today they've missed me to come to publicize Kazak but this week I interview the boy from public school going into I don't want to give details but her junior high huzzah crowed in and I asked him what he knows about Judaism about Yiddish giant you had do it and he knew very little I said something said you ever heard of Moshe Rabbeinu he says yeah I heard of him as I said to him what could you tell me about him he goes I was just at his grave recently I think there's a mikvah near it I'll let you try to figure out who he's talking about but I'm not sure I don't think it was Moshe revena but these boys we see them they come in and Baruch Hashem within a few months a couple of years sometimes see unbelievable growth too that we have to give such credit to Kazak today is Shiva a Sabbath Thomas it's a fast day just an hour from now we're gonna dive in and car we say a special tree lineman try anybody was fasting says I'm a new Avenue on a new say a special prayer a sham answer us our Father in a new Avenue on a new biome sera sera God Allah knocking you out - Alicia melted Allen mackanin bakashot envious cash em you're our Father answer us like a father all the way at the end why we say key Italian poder Mathilde we tell a Kadosh Baruch who you have the ability you are a Kadosh Baruch who but when we ask a Kadosh Baruch whoo - look at us - look at the trouble we're in we tell him look away from Mallory shirt look away from the things we did that we shouldn't have done like a father should look away at that which his child has done we'd looked our kodos bara who when we're in trouble not like a god not like a king but when we looked at kodos bara who first and foremost shouldn't say not like a king but first and foremost like a father secondary like a king we say I not feel out she can Azam say it on every fast they despite him say it on I said you made Shiva but it's intact unknown it's all the time we savvy know Malkina our father comes first then we say our king we always look like adores barakato when we're in trouble and we need special help as a father why do we look like all those borrow cool and we say to him we remind him of that father-son relationship that we have because all of us who have zuker to have a parent in our home a father a mother and a healthy relationship we know that our parents who have brought us up for so many years that have given so much to us that our parents recognize that there's so much good that we have done that we have that we have the comfort we feel that a Kadosh Baruch sees all that good that we have done just like our father our own parents have seen all the good that we've done but person is Baro Hashem in a healthy mental state he feels good about himself he's secure and he thinks to himself I have done so much good we could all come up if we had to think of ten fifteen twenty a hundred a thousand a daily basis we davin every day we say bra coat we make sure to buy kosher food and all the different myths fourth we do that we do right now when I come to kodos bar who on a fast day and have time that we were in trouble we tell a kadosh baruj well after today I'm Mallory Shana don't dwell on the few things that we've done wrong look at the good things we've done we have a healthy relationship with our Father we heard them we see dad do it like a father would do you know every single person who has a father who's in he was a dignitary whether it's a calm whether it's a president you know they don't call their father mr. president they come in they say dad right you ever hear of a yourself sacred table Kadosh lavaca whenever his son speaking the children they talk but torrid ABBA they talk about their father right even though it's a god or a door but it's the father it's a relationship with our Father they want to have that relationship we too want to have that relationship but I call those bar of who and on at on it when we were inside to write with all the speakers before me spoke about will speak soon more but all the difference I wrote that happened to call you sir a lon Shiva sabaton was the beginning of the three weeks leading up to tisha by three weeks of calamity for Claudia Sorrell the min happiest to try to avoid doing things that are dangerous things that you shouldn't have to do with the whole month of I've until tisha about the time of calamity for Claudia sale but therefore we come to a kodos about her who don't say Alvin you're our Father don't focus on the things that shouldn't focus on focus on the good we've done you've built so many years that relationship Ricardo's mother who today Baruch Hashem parents are very very busy working two three jobs and it's very very hard tend to make time for their children but we want to make sure that our children feel that relationship that relationship that we felt so comfortable with our parents hopefully that we feel with a college bar who when we come on a fast day and therefore as parents I'm getting speaking mostly I'm Cano if they ask me to speak as parents we have to realize that our children as they're growing up have to feel comfortable with that father-son relationship they have to feel comfortable seeing ABBA that something happened that shouldn't have happened but that they know that parent will stand behind them no matter what happened no matter what misdeed they did what happened you know as a principal I make a phone call to parents from time to time something we have to do and sometimes a boy is sitting in front of me and he starts shaking scared as if who knows the Mollica my vet is coming if I call the Father I call their mother but every child should be able to feel that yes of course the parent is a disciplinarian and it may be consequences but there has to be that overriding Avadh that they have to have that relationship with their parent that they could feel comfortable that even if the principal calls even if I did something wrong Baruch Hashem that my father will stand behind me but what do we do as parents to build that relationship so it's there in order to build that relationship we have to make sure that the only relationship we have with our children as the young and as they grow up is not only when the principal calls or when they do something wrong and Mommy has to say you wait till your dad comes home wait till I tell him we've all heard that right if that's the relationship that they have with that dad that the only time they get to speak to that dad at night when he comes home is because they did something wrong that day and that's not gonna be the healthy relationship of on a new avenue on a new it has to be from the time that their children are born from the time there are a few months old from the time they could start playing with toys that we sit down on the floor and you play with them with age-appropriate toys and their sign they start learning Torah that we review with them what they learnt at home doesn't have to be only the mother's job to review Camacho I love bet or whatever it is until the level gets too high for the mother and now either the father gets stuck or we hire a tutor there has to be their relationship that had fought that a child feels with his father that throughout throughout the years that they realized their father sees the good things are doing and with them and it's part of them Shabbat sooo there's a beautiful time for it but it's that's only once a week today with the distractions that kids have once a week is not enough maybe in the shtetl in Europe it was enough I don't know I wasn't there but today I can tell you it's not enough once a week Shabbat it's not enough you need a whole week today they have so many distractions involved with so many things we'll talk more about it soon that a father has to be their parent has to be their day in day out with their children growing with their children admiring every step of growth of their children and being there so then when keep it surrogate dole on acne when that child feels like they're in trouble that there's that healthy relationship that they know that their father will be there for them and that same relationship that's what we want from our cut those borrow who so how much more so shouldn't that children have that from us you need to make sure that really that our children feel that it's not only the trouble that we get involved with now some educators safe every time one time you have to say something negative to your kids you should make sure to say at least nine or ten positive it's very hard you know not every not in every culture not in every people growing up I used to telling the kids they love them and tell and finding the positive to look for and to point it out but in today's generation unfortunately if we don't look to point it out unfortunately they can look out in the street and find many other people who are happy to point out many things to them to attract their attention it's so important that they feel that positiveness we have to do that as parents now many of the speakers before me mentioned Mishnah and Tanith that talks about the five different calamities that happen to call you sir l on Shiva Sabha Thomas that we faced with Shiva asaba Thomas right they mentioned the breaking of the record stopping of the Quran to meet to hold them by a chain e-pass thomas burnt to say vitória we know that who feared the walls of yerushalayim during the second beta make - were broken on Shiva asaba Thomas during the first beta mag - was a week earlier on the 9th of Thomas the second base at McDonough 17th of Tammuz the walls are broken speaker before me already mentioned a little bit touched on it what does it mean the walls were broken what was the great calamity of the walls were broken we all live in cities that don't have walls if you're lucky this is a sign you know especially if you live out of town welcome to every mile and a half on the highway you know you're passing through another city you leave Brooklyn they put a cute sign up Ave you're leaving Brooklyn who has Worcester cities the walls - you shall lie him wasn't just city walls there are so many hollow coat of kedusha in Tahara that were relevant in Yerushalayim certain Carbone Nautica beaten in Yerushalayim he brought masses shaney up to you Roush aalayam there were no signs had to go to your line so if you came up to Whitby Kareem you should have to ask people how to get there and till you got into the city the walls of you shall lie in Warren just walls of a city the walls of you shall I am or walls that denoted that can noted kedusha and Tahara when the walls of you shall I him were broken what was broken was that wall of kedusha that wall that denoted over here you could eat come on out sir and come on out there you can't eat them overheads where you bring in my session II and other special things to you shall I am and you shall I into a certain outlaw thought about what was Allah to be planted what type of animals you could have it was a city of kedusha and you look to those walls and you saw the kedusha that on this side is a higher level of kedusha and an outside those walls there's a lower level of kedusha when those walls were broken then the lines of kedusha and hall were broken kedusha and Toma was broken it wasn't there anymore and that's a whole ban in itself we live today in a generation with the word could do Shia is almost meaningless unfortunately by many people it's ironic that yesterday was bash at burlock which was the real day of Shiva Sabha Thomas which we faced today as an it fair which is partial spent pressure can cross the end of our shot Barak is where the really the story of pin crosses resharpened classes only because that's why Shem gave him his reward the beginning pressure begins with bash up in class but on Shiva Hobbit tom was yesterday we read the story of Ben across what was the whole story of pin class it was a breach of kaduche I named Israel the m'naghten ma I've not met John they came they wanted to breach the kedusha I'm Israel but Europe in class because saw what did he see Rashi gives a simple meaning that he had the right to cannot poke poke him of such a thing but many commentaries it's when he saw the breach of kedusha this was a special RIA he saw that this is a breach of kedusha something that was unprecedented to that time you after Martin Torah Chivas Alberta moves in three weeks is no better time for us to think about the breach of kedusha in today's day and age I don't have to talk speaker before me already mentioned about the images that happen on people's computers in their house I will tell you as a man I hailed as a principal of a school the age drop for kids with smartphones is unbelievable that a sixth grader could walk into school with a $1000 smartphone is unreal and there are kids and younger grades with cheaper ones too now I understand we live today in a dangerous society and some kids can mute far too school and their parents want them to have a mode of communication I'm here to testify flip phones still exist and they still make phone calls but giving a child a smartphone without a filter and without restrictions I cannot think of a greater breach in kedusha if we want our children's eyes and minds to remain pure for any given amount of time until they reach some level and age where they're ready for I'm not saying tomorrow to understand in your naked usha they cannot have a smartphone and if for some reason which I am unaware of you think there is a need for them to have it I'm not here as an advertisement for tag I'm not here as an advertisement for iPhones over Samsung's because it's easier to put restrictions on them but there has to be some level of restrictions I called it in my school this year I called in the ninth graders and I took away one phone at a time and on every single iPhone I put on restrictions with I having the password and I told they were very upset and I said to them I did it without permission of the parents it's a rather brazen thing to do and I told the kids if your father calls me up and asks me to take the restrictions off your father wins not one father called me but do you know why not one father called me most of the kids wouldn't tell their parents that I put restrictions on their phones because they didn't want their parents to know that without restrictions what's available for them to do on their phones because they think at least and maybe some of them know that their parents are unaware of what they are doing on their phones and they were scared to tell their parents by fishermen put restrictions on our phones could you please call him because they know that I would then explain to their parents what is available on a smartphone which I don't think in this room I have to go into details all right but cold buffer ulcers at their fingertips cold / tummy how do we expect to teach them Torah from the bus to school on the bus home from school and I'm walking to school and at home in their rooms under their blankets they have the ability to watch and see everything a child feels Bar Mitzvah a locker tells us does navigates at all so if you go give a katana smartphone what are you giving him you didn't even give him a tool to battle with it what should I say if we want a level of kedusha we want via our pin class so we have to see - we have these breaches in kedusha are the music today that the generation listens to I'm not talking about whether the Jewish music but the non-jewish music world study after study after study in the secular world that the not that most of this non-jewish music leads people that to be involved and to think about and to want to do things which are immoral that's what our kids are listening to on these phones and on their mp3 players what's in it for us that's as far as our children go now I'll tell you something else for ourselves it's very hard even as adults sometimes to keep a level of kedusha when you have all these things around so but I'm the rabbi speaking and rabbis have an agenda as most people would say a Business Insider magazine on March 27th 2018 published an article the headline was keeping your phone on your desk seems harmless but researchers find it distracts you even when it's off they did a whole study of productivity of people and if their phone was handy even if it was off a certain part of their mind was thinking did I get a message is someone sending me a message and especially with the Millennials was something just posted on a social media site that I need to see that I want to see that might affect me that something on who knows what and that's where their mind is just from the fact that the phone was on their desk even if it's turned off Alaska comma vakama ourselves when we come into davines we come to learn Torah and we want our minds to be cavada ET la terre we want to come back how those about a few when he asks us three ultimate questions you have to may have asked him and one is that you said time for Torah study but if the researches and the non-jewish world are telling us that your mind is not on what it's supposed to be if your smartphone is near you off what's that Kadosh Baruch who gonna say was that set time for Torah study was it only sixty percent for Torah study because 40 percent of our mind was on other things what should I tell you this is not me this is business insider this is what smartphones and I listen I'm guilty I have a smartphone I try to leave it in my car by daven a and I try to leave it elsewhere when I can well okay sure but listen I'm a principal today and people expect to get a hold of me at any time and anywhere this morning I shut off my phone for three hours seven calls from one parent in school and the message was you must be upstate out of service was the message on my answering machine the idea that maybe I shut off my phone for a couple hours right that doesn't dawn on people today and if you want to have the freedom to davon without someone expecting your response immediately or the freedom to sit down and learn Torah for an hour at night without someone expecting a response they have to get used to that you don't respond immediately because if we always respond immediately and then all the sudden learning Torah so we don't and they think you're in the mountains upstate out of service but we have to know we have to hoop fire here we have to set boundaries and those who know us and those who rely on us could know that when with dominating when we're studying Torah or even when we're spending time with our children we're not available I finish off with one last thing into healing and coitus bazooka and debt Tov lethality hum al-faisal avec SF the Vedic knowledge says that 12-lead is correos but who says created to me totally taught because a total of your mouth now face Ahava herself we live in this world and many of us teach our children that one of the most important things and every day every subha that our husband gives his wife is an obligation to finances and we want very badly that our children to become self-sufficient as soon as possible but we have to remember self-sufficient financially without Torah doesn't list and doesn't hold and therefore it's so important for us to support our children in their desire to study Torah past the high school years many parents say to me he already went even those who went to yeshiva for a few years why do they need a year an era to say ll go to yeshiva post high school get on with making money tell you right now a quick story I didn't say too many stories the whole time and mr. Reisman pol rifleman Moshe riflemen passed away in his Sava and his will that was read before the funeral it stated that they should bury him with a certain pair of socks that he liked very much now we all know that chevre Kaddish ah when they prepare somebody there's rules and how it's done with special talk with him we don't put on like the non-jewish world does with a golf suit or that tuxedo we put on only the top of him and they went to the rabbi's in the local community and they said what should we do my father said to put on his socks the rabbi said you can do it a week later after the Shiva was over the lawyer came in with the rest of the sava all the financial stuff and it began with mr. Ackerman giving a message to his children by now you have buried me said Shiva and I'm sure you didn't bury me in this ox I asked for remember you don't take to the next world even a pair of socks totally tore at peak Amalfi's Ahava facin the more when we the young adults post high school have a year or two to spend in Torah that's what stays with them for life I've really rarely seen someone who goes off to four years in college and gets a degree and then says now that I'm married and I have one kid and I just finished my four years now I'm gonna devote a year to Torah it's not the time then he has a wife and kid already when's the time to do it post high school my way here I stopped off to meet with a parent to talk about going tear to sell for his son to understand the importance of what it means post high schools giving their sons a year in Eretz Israel and even post public school many people in Kazak they come to sheer rim and they study in public school I've seen so many boys have gone from public school terror to sale for a year they come back they're different people on my right-hand man and so important that those right here are those from Kazakh are watching it understand this is what's going to bring them maka through are not hot knockouts is hereditary and get it from our children that that's the way we'll get the knock out from our children have an easy fast