You’re Not Communicating. You’re Attacking Better | Parshas Tazria-Metzora

Okay friends, paras tazria and msara. It's a double para and this para talks about the consequences of lashhara. The consequences of arrogance. We discuss extensively the laws of saras. Saras is often translated as leprosy. It's it's not necessarily leprosy, but it's some sort of skin ailment that was unique to the time because it doesn't exist now. And with the skin ailment came spiritual consequences, ritual consequences, impurity. Somebody who got this type of skin ailment that the Torah describes in depth would be deemed deemed impure. He would have to and the the truth is there are this type of impurity has three things unique about it. There's a lots of different types of impurity. There's lots of different causes toward ritual impurity, right? somebody who came in contact with a corpse, somebody who had gone to a cemetery. So, they had to ritually purify themselves before entering the Ba Mikdash. You can't just show up. And there's different ways of becoming impure. That's just one way. But when it comes to receiving, there are three things that make it unique. Number one, usually ritual impurity is contracted through a circumstance such as coming in contact with a corpse. When it comes to the impurity results not from the circumstance because the circumstance results from something else, a sin it's consequence of a sin, namely the sin of lash and har of speaking negatively about other people. Shinhara is one of the most difficult of sins because it's one of the most fun of sins and in some ways like innocent. It's like it could just happen without even, you know, you weren't intending on hurting anybody necessarily. And the conversation evolved and then you'd notice these skin ailments creeping up all over your body. And if you didn't take care of it, you know, you'd notice it on your clothing and on your house. Actually, the reverse order. But what would happen is if somebody had this skin ailment, they are deemed impure. That's number one. Number two, what makes this unique is they have to go outside of the camp of Israel. So in the desert, you had the Mishkan. While we were traveling in the desert, you had the Mishkan, the tabernacle surrounding where all the tents and you have to be outside of that. In Israel, you'd have to be outside of the Temple Mount once we established the community there. You're sent away. If somebody was impure because they contacted a corpse or other types of impurity, you're not like sent away from people. You don't have to isolate. It's not like COVID. You just whatever. You just, you know, get it taken care of. Don't go in the base of Mikdash, but you're fine. Over here, you have to actually isolate from other people outside of the camp. But number three is that this type of impurity is diagnosed diagnosed by the Cohen. So usually what what dictates whether somebody is ritually impure or not for the example come in contact with a corpse would be strict law. Here are the rules. Here are the guidelines. How you came in contact with the corpse would would dictate whether or not you're richly impure. When it comes to leprosy, when it comes to the there's both the guidelines, but then there has to be the actual diagnosis from the Cohen. And the Cohen has two responsibilities. He has a responsibility to diagnose people with leprosy. He has the responsibility to purify people and heal people through le when they have the leprosy. It doesn't happen without him. In other words, if somebody noticed this leprosy, the Saras on their skin and they happen to be wellversed in the Torah and they notice that they have all the diagnostic criteria and they even spoke lash so they know where why it came. They can't say, "Oh no, I have taras. I'm impure." It's not true. You don't until the Cohen looks at it and verbally states you are impure. You have it has to be through the Cohen's word and then he has to be the one to deem you pure after your isolation period. uh this put this in brackets but I just think it's interesting to note the Cohen doesn't necessarily have to diagnose him as impure but if he did he is responsible to diagnose him later or or or I don't know diagnose proclaim him as pure. I'll give you an example. Let's say somebody had all the signs of leprosy. He's not sure if he has it or not. He goes to the Cohen, but the Cohen knows this guy. And the Cohen says, "Oh, you're getting married this week. We're not going to mess up your wedding. Uh, you're come back to me later." He's not going to say anything. So, he doesn't necessarily have an obligation to diagnose and in some cases he should defer the diagnosis, but once the diagnosis is made, he has to be part of the healing process. One of the ways the Cohen is part of the healing process is going outside the camp to visit this person in isolation. So what would happen is somebody speaks Linhara, somebody demonstrates incredible arrogance thinking that he's better or she is better than everybody. We don't want to leave the women out. Um I'm kidding. That he or she is better than everybody. Um receives leprosy, meets the diagnostic criteria. The Cohen deems him as impure. He has to leave. He isolates. And the way the Rambam actually describes this in detail. And for those who do Rambam, you'll see this eventually. The the Rambam describes the process in detail where this guy is not allowed to get a haircut. He has he has to observe essentially a veos. He observes the laws of mourning because he's mourning for the relationships he had destroyed through his lash and har through his negative speech and he's outside the camp. He's impure. He doesn't talk to other people. He doesn't greet other people. He's not greeted by other people. In fact, he's supposed to be framed from other people. He's not allowed to cut his nails. He's not allowed to cut his hair. And this isolation period is a minimum of a week if it doesn't go away two weeks and then as as prescribed explicitly in the Torah. But as part of the healing process when this leprosy goes away and he goes to, you know, the mikvah and and and brings the sacrificial offerings, part of the process is the Cohen going outside of the camp to visit him. And one of the commenters explain that this guy, I mean, he shamed somebody. He spoke lashara. He potentially destroyed a relationship. He has to taste isolation. He has to taste what it's like to be lonely. There's shame though associated with with that. So, as part of the healing process, the Cohen is going to go visit to publicly demonstrate that this guy is healing. This guy is doing tshoua. Don't look at him negatively. Know that he's getting to be in a better place. Know that you'll be able to retrust him once again. As part of expediting the spiritual healing process, our sages point out two things. I'm putting this in brackets, but I think it's important to note. Number one, the Torah says to this is the Torah or the law. Torah means law. The law of the matsra of the one who gets saras. And commentaries and the Talmud asks why doesn't it say this is the tahara of the mats? This is the purity of the one who gets Taras. Why Torah, the law? Because part of the healing process is through studying Torah. That's a part of it. Those lips that were used to utter language that were hurtful, deceitful, that tore people apart should be used to utter God's oneness and share God's values. That's part of the healing process. And that's why he actually has as part of his atonement when he's finally healed and purified there are he brings a sacrificial offering two birds which is unusual. Usually bring a lamb, a sheep, a dove. He brings two birds. Why two birds? So the Talmud explains that the birds represent the chirping. This guy was chirping and there's two chirpings. There was the chirping that he had done that got him into this negative space and there's the chirping he's going to do that's going to get him into the positive space through Torah study and and in general, you know, more positive type speech. But here's uh another point though I'd like to hone in on. Imagine you had a a well-qualified scholar, well-versed in Torah law, well-versed in Talmud, well versed in somebody comes up to him and says, "I think I have the diagnostic criteria for I even spoke and it it's showing up on my skin, man." He looks at it. He says, "Yep, based on everything I know, this seems to really match up. Pure or impure, tame or tur." The answer is he's pure. Because this scholar who's wellversed is not a Cohen. So what happens if you have a Cohen though who's in the reverse situation? He's a Cohen. He's technically qualified to diagnose by virtue of his mere identity that he never chose, but he's not academically qualified. He's not wellversed in the Torah. He doesn't know the rulings. He doesn't know the laws. So, what do you do? You go to the Cohen and he's technically spiritually equipped to diagnose, but he can't because he doesn't know the rules. Or you go to the guy who knows the rules because he's a scholar, but he's not a Cohen. So sometimes you have a Cohen is both. Problem solved. But when you don't, what do you do? So the scholar finds a Cohen, a rent a Cohen. No, I'm kidding. He goes, "Rents a He pulls a co here." He says, "Look, you're going to trust me here. I know the laws. I need you to proclaim him pure or impure." That's crazy. Why is the fate of somebody's spiritual progression of somebody's spiritual journey? Somebody's journey toward recognizing the damage they have done being diagnosed and the journey toward healing dependent specifically on a Cohen to the point that if there's a guy qualified to diagnose, he has to rent a Cohen. I'm saying that figuratively. He has to borrow Cohen to help diagnose this guy. Why is it so necessary? Okay. You want the short answer or the long answer? I'm going to share with you both. Uh it's going to sound a little cheesy, but it's true. The short answer is because the Torah said so. I mean that that's the laws of the Torah. There's so many laws in the Torah that we don't understand. What's wrong with mixing meat and milk? I don't know. God doesn't like it. So this is what God likes. But even with those types of laws, there is some sort of ethical explanation. There's some sort of ethical application. The Rambam believed strongly that every mitzvah is not just purely or dogmatically, I don't like the word dogmatically, but the will of God. Although it is I mean that's the bottom line of why we do mitzvah. It's what God wants. But there's also some sort of ethical representation. If you study a chapter a day or three chapters a day of Rambam, you'll pick this up event um occasionally. The Rambam says there's no official reason for this, but here's here's what we could learn in the Rambam's guide for the perplexed in his philosophical works. He spends a lot of time explaining ethical applications to mitzvah. What is the ethical lesson here? So let's put this in perspective. Somebody made a mistake intentionally or unintentionally. He spoke lashara. He spoke negatively about somebody else. He starts to develop Saras the skin leprosy. He goes to the scholar. Let's say he let's say the scholar could diagnose. You know what would happen because of this academic guy. This guy has to get kicked out of away from his family, away from his community, be ripped apart, be shamed, not intentionally shamed, but that's the system. How is he going to what is his connection to Judaism at this point? What is his association with Jewish community? Okay, you could you could blame him. It's his fault. But at the end of the day, you're temporarily cutting somebody out of the Jewish community. Who should be qualified to do that? You know who should be qualified to do that? Not the guy who knows why this person deserves it, which is the scholar, but the person who's most empathetic, which is the Cohen. The scholar knows why you deserve what you deserve. And if you want to know why God, why, go to the scholar. If you don't want to know that answer, you want empathy, go to the Cohen. Not that a Cohen can't be a scholar. He could be both. But the epitome of being a Cohen is love. That's what a Cohen is. Most Cohens you are going to know are very passionate people. Think about it. What is the they say when they bless us the priestly blessings? They say God has commanded us during Musf. I'm talking about Israel to b God has commanded us to bless the nation of Israel with love. That is the epitome of the identity of a Cohen. Love. In fact, a Cohen who holds animosity in his heart towards somebody needs to get rid of that before going up to do the blessings of the priesthood of blessings. He cannot have that or he's not, you know, he's got to he's got to resolve that before going up there. Who is the patriarch of the Cohen family? I don't mean the people with the last name Cohen, but of Kohanim. Aaron Aaron is the epitome of love. Aron was the first marriage counselor. Perky says love peace, love people. Be a student of Aon. That was the epitome of Arun. Aon Mosha's brother would make peace. Moshe is a Levite. Moshe is a ley. Levites are are more disciplined. Moshe was more disciplined. But Aon was the epitome of love and people that follow in his genealological footsteps are supposed to be the people of love. So now you look at somebody and you're you see everything they've done wrong and how they need to correct themselves. Don't be that guy from an academic perspective. It has to come from a place of love. He can't just know the diagnostic criteria, the criteria, but he has to actually care. About 10 years ago, I was doing Mina in 770 world headquarters. There's a lot. It's kind of a minion factory. There's a lot of little minions going on. And there was one guy who was for whatever reason not standing up for kaduca. And usually when somebody's sitting for like kadouch when when the kazin gets to kadusha whether you're up to there or not personally there's like this reflex that shgo goers have to like pop out of their seat. That's what you do. That's what you're supposed to do. And somebody was sitting down and I guess somebody else may have perceived it as like not you know like negligence or just not caring. And he gives him the old new. He gives him a little poke. I'm just observing this as a fly on the wall. Gives him a little poke. New. Somebody else. Taps the poker guy in the shoulder. This is a guy with a long black coat, a long gray beard. He'd pay us a big hat. looked like a holy guy. He was. You'll soon see why. And he says to the poker guy, to the newer guy, "Can I ask you a question? Did you ask him what he ate for breakfast?" "No." "Did you ask him what he ate for lunch?" "No." "Did you ask him how his day went?" "No." He says, "Do you actually care about the guy?" Here's what he says. He says, "You don't give a damn about the guy. You have spiritual OCD, man." This is what he says to him. I'm just watching. I I'm quoting verbatim. Excuse my French. I'm quoting verbatim what I observed. But to me, that observation was such a a lesson. So eye opening because are we looking at people from the perspective of a book? This is who you should be and if you don't fit that mold there's going to be problems. Now I am not God forbid um dimining demeaning diminishing importance of the book but together with that book do we actually love the person that we actually care does the person act does the person matter not just what they should or shouldn't be doing. Does our diagnosis, even if it's an accurate diagnosis, come from a place of love, come from a place of care? Or are we matching people up to a book? It's a godly book. It's a divine book. It's God's rules. But is it coming from a place of love or coming from a place of compulsion of this is where you need to fit. You could be the biggest scholar and most well-versed person and you don't get to diagnose the guy who has all the diagnostic criteria because he had spoken linen. Or you could be the Cohen who loves and cares and he gets to say, "I'm sorry, man, but you're going to sit this one out until you heal." But it's going to come from a place of empathy. It's going to put come from a place of love. It's going to come from a place of care. the amount of people I come across that think they need better communication skills. And I'll tell you why I'm saying this. To have a better relationship, it's like, what are you trying to do? You're trying to learn how to attack better. You need better skills, better attacking skills so my insults can be more articulate but less noticeable. Okay, it doesn't work that way. What we need is more connection to be like that Cohen where if we're going to have to s point out what somebody's doing wrong, if we're going to have to reveal an uncomfortable truth to somebody. There's a context, a context of a relationship. You have a mitzvah in the Torah to rebuke people. Some people take that mitzvah very seriously. There are a lot of parameters in when to rebuke, how to rebuke, if you should rebuke. And it it I it's just ironic because there's certain areas in Halaka I would refrain from if I wasn't wellversed. Um I wouldn't build a mikvah if I wasn't wellversed in the laws of mikvah. Right? I wouldn't build an au if I wasn't wellversed in the laws of a because I don't want to do it incorrectly and guide people incorrect. I I wouldn't certify a kosher restaurant as a rabbi if I wasn't an expert in the laws of kosher. So why would I rebuke somebody if I'm not an expert in the laws of how to rebuke somebody? Okay, but that's besides the point. Let's say you are an expert in the laws of how to rebuke somebody. In the very same sentence in the Torah where it says you shall rebuke it also says don't hate your brother don't hate your brother in your heart and then in the very same sentence rebuke him. So the commentaries explain it's in the same sentence. You know why? Because when you rebuke, is it coming from a place of hate, of animosity, a place of baggage, a place of frustration, a place of I'm just excellent at spotting what's wrong with people, or is it coming from a place of love? In in our para, we're taught that diagnosing somebody who did something wrong and is going to have to sit this one out and isolate from the Jewish community until he heals, that cannot happen if it's not going to come through the mouth of the cone. It's not going to come out from a mouth that has love. And when we're telling people the hard truth, as we sometimes need to, is it done like a Cohen with love or are we copy pasting from a textbook with no emotion and no feeling, no care? Okay, that's my story and I'm sticking to