Workplace Affairs: A Jewish Perspective You Need to Hear

Dr John deloney and Ken Coleman sit down for a candid conversation about an unfortunate rise of infidelity and unfaithfulness in the workplace they discuss why this happens what we can do to prevent it I want to share with you this brief clip stick around because I want to share with you what the Jewish perspective is on preventing the unfortunate mishaps of unfaithfulness and infidelity take a listen 85 5% of Affairs start at work baby one in five employees confess to being unfaithful with a colleague and I was sitting there processing this and I was I was truly stunned when does risking not just your marriage and your relationship with your kids but your job yeah we're talking about this feels like a massive risk yeah in other words having an affair outside of work may or may not affect your job in certain places at a lot of places if you are having an affair with someone at work well you created a real weird dynamic what does do I mean it blows it up what is going on in somebody where they where one in five people are saying yeah I've been unfaithful with a colleague they get to the point where they go they have to know that's risky but they just go I don't care what's going on there so we've created the loneliest generation in human history that's what you have is two people who are good at co-managing the house I'll get little league practice you get this I'll make sure we call the plumber I'll get the trash out and you have absolutely no shared purpose or building anything together and life becomes so quick and so fast and then I go to work and me and you and two amazing women are working together on a project that's going to help 10 million people now we have shared purpose we're talking about how we feel about things we have a goal we have metrics where I'm spending more time with her or him than I am with my spouse that's right how many of us go home and they we pull into our street yeah and you just right right right and so it's worth everything it's all positive at work it's worth everything picturing this but even when it's negative yall are negative together right it's yall two vers the boss it's y all two versus the customer is y all two versus the salesman right and by the way everybody's got their makeup on pretty good that's right we're smiling we're joking we're flirting whatever don't see they don't see your snot rags by the bed they don't see you not flush the toilet they don't see any of the stuff that makes you you it feels like when I saw this data John I guess that's what I'm asking it I don't want to be judgmental I'm not judging but I'm wondering because what I want to get to is is how do we guard against this you know I was raised in a world it's like like you never ride in a car with a woman that's not your spouse I was raising a world like you you don't have a meeting in a room with a closed door you know like all those things got that seems insane to a lot of people I will tell you there will people watch this and it will immediately create conversation which I'm fine with but then when we get back to the data M we have got to guard ourselves to the point that if I find a female coworker attractive I have got to put a boundary up in my my opinion yeah agree or disagree I think that's symptomatic of if me and my wife were building something together and my chief purpose is here then work becomes a thing I do and you become an amazing a beautiful woman and you become an amazing attractive it doesn't impact me in any way because what I'm building is here so I think you can build these things and I think they're wise and important and everybody's got their different boundaries this is where I wish more people f so from a Jewish perspective I want to share with you two brief things number one we have What's called the laws of Y the laws of seclusion according to Jewish law men and women who are not married to each other and not directly closely related don't be in the room together in a way that's secluded for two reasons number one what can that lead to and I think we know what that can lead to now you may say Well I'm I'm not thinking that way I don't think it will lead to that but the truth is being in a room with somebody in a way that's secluded is in a very subtle way an act of intimacy and you want to reserve that act of intimacy for your spouse um it's incredibly important for spouses to be able to share a room I can't tell you how many couples I meet and unfortunately which is why they're coming to me to work on things they're not sharing a room together but forget what they're doing in the room just being in the room together and the way that's secluded is so important it's so crucial the first thing a married couple does when they walk away from the wedding canopy right after the right after the marriage ceremony is they go in the room they go in a room for the first time together secluded nobody else there being in the room together is incredibly intimate and that has to be reserved for your spouse and not um you don't want to become desensitized by being with other people or lead to Temptation that's number one number two people are going to attribute all sorts of reasons for unfortunate uh Rises and infidelity whether there was a problem in their marriage they didn't love or respect each other or there was other types of issues um love respect trust these are all important things they're crucial but they are mechanisms they're Pathways so we can't get lost in trying to find love then we could find it in other places we can't get lost in trying to find respect or trust because we could find it in other places but ask yourself this question if my marriage was full of love was full of respect and Trust if I was the husband I wanted to be or the wife I wanted to be what would I notice that's different about this marriage if love trust respect whatever pathway you need in that marriage if that was present what would be different and I want you to look closely and carefully for that difference because I can almost bet you that that difference is there in some subtle way and the more you notice it the more you look for that light that goodness the more you're going to see it and that is going to help your marriage because a little bit of light dispels a lot of dark that's my story and I'm sticking to it