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I can't tell you how many times I've
seen couples who are fighting, who are
going through a very difficult time, who
feel like they're not on the same page.
And if they would just take this one
piece of advice, things can be better.
And I'm not like one of those guys that
are like, "All you got to do is this."
And like, "Okay, your problem's no big
deal." Um, I've I've seen real issues.
I've seen real dysfunction. And I've
seen couples who are not sleeping in the
same bedroom anymore, who aren't talking
to each other
anymore. And the problem they're making
is that they think they need more love.
They need more respect. They need more
trust. Um they need more intimacy, more
bedroom
activity. And and by the way, these are
all
true. Show your spouse more love. Show
your spouse more respect. engage more
physically with your spouse, trust your
spouse more, and show your spouse more
that you're the kind of person who is
trustworthy. These are all good
things. The problem I have is trying to
chase these things as if those are the
solution, as if that's what's actually
missing. If you feel like you're missing
love, you feel like you're missing
respect, you feel like you're lacking
trust, you feel like you're lacking
marital intimacy or any other quality
that is uh important for a marriage, I
need you to ask yourself the following
question.
If love, respect, trust, intimacy, and
if there's something else I missed or
whatever it may be, if this desired
quality showed
up, how would you notice? How would you
notice it being there? How would you
notice that more love is there? How
would you notice more respect, trust,
indust? What difference would it make
for you? Why would it be important to
you if you had more love in your
relationship? What would that love give
you? What would it do for you? What
would the respect, trust, or intimacy do
for you? How would it make you
feel? That's what you need to chase and
get more of in this relationship. In
other words, the love, the trust, the
respect, the intimacy, or whatever it is
I may have missed on this list are
crucial and are important, but they're
pathways. They're pathways to build a
connection. If you had more love, you'd
probably feel more
connected. You'd feel more united.
That's really what marriage is. It's two
people becoming one. And if you had more
respect, you feel like you can connect
better with this person. more intimacy.
Again, another means to connection.
Trust, a very important means to
connection. These are all pathways to
connection. And I see couples all the
time getting distracted by the
pathway and forgetting about the result
that they're looking for. You know what
a common one is? Communication. So many
couples come in and say, "We need to
work on communication." And it's
probably true. Uh they're probably not
communicating well. That might be true.
But if you had communication, what
difference would that make to you? What
would you do differently? Right?
Ultimately, you'd connect better. So,
focus more on
connection. And when you can focus on
the result that you're looking for,
you're going to be able to experience
the proper pathway to get there much
easily. More marital and sexual
activity, more love, more respect, more
trust, more communication. These are all
symptoms of a healthy connection. Which
means what we need to really focus on is
the connection. And how do you connect
with your spouse? I urge you to read the
Bible. Read the Torah because it
says Adam knew Eve. The Torah describes
their connection as them knowing each
other.
Get to intimately become aware of your
spouse, aware of his or her needs, aware
of what's important to him or her. Ask
questions. Ask questions that identify
what's important to your spouse and take
note of them because the more you get to
know your spouse, the more you get to
connect to your spouse. And from
connection when you build connection
from there love, trust, intimacy,
respect, communication, all of these
channels now open up and you can follow
through them much more easily. That's my
story and I'm sticking to
