This One Question Could Secretly Break Your Marriage

The wrong question at the wrong moment can kill connection faster than betrayal. The right question at the right time is the difference between god forbid breaking a marriage or saving a marriage. And the reason is because when you ask somebody a question, no matter the question, you are forcing them to think. So if I knew you were going through a rough day, for whatever reason, I had that knowledge and I said, "So how was your day?" I'm forcing you to think about how bad your day was. And if you answer the question, you are further ruminating about how bad that day was. How are you going to feel afterwards? But if I knew you were going through a rough day, and I said, "Listen, as difficult as your day was, as frustrating as it was, what did you like most about it? What was one small thing that stands out that you felt may have been a small glimmer of light? Or maybe I can ask despite how difficult or frustrating your day was. What did you do to to try to make the most of it? What was that one particular moment where you saw some positivity and what did you do to get there? Now I'm honoring your negative feelings and I'm forcing you in a respectful and gentle way to think positive. And when you answer that question, you realize your day was bad, but it was also good. And now you have a choice of which version of your day you want to reexperience, you want to relive, you want to identify with. That's the power of a question. And it's the same when it comes to marriage counseling. It's the same when it comes to couples. When a couple walks in and I say, "So, what brings you guys here?" That's a very insensitive question because there's obviously a negative experience they've had that led them to get couples counseling. And if I have them talk about that and ruminate on that, that could blow up real quick. And you talk to any marriage counselor, they've seen it. couples just fighting in the session. A more sensitive question is, and this is how I start my sessions, by the way, is so h how did you guys meet? I feel like there's a story here, and I want to hear it. And then there's like this smile on their face. These two frustrated people have this little smile because they start to remember that there was a reason why they liked each other. And I can invite that version of the couple into the room and unpack it. When they tell me the story of how they met, I can ask further questions like, "What did you like most about your spouse? How did you know this was the one? How did you know he or she liked you? When was the first moment you thought, "We're going to get married. This is going to happen." I'm inviting positivity into the room. And now I can empower them to look for more of that positivity if that beautiful quality you saw in your marriage somehow showed up tomorrow. How would you notice it? How would you look for it? How would your spouse notice that you noticed it? How do you think your spouse would notice that positive quality? Asking these types of questions are revvely because they actually bring the couple together. They may not peique my curiosity in terms of assessing what the issue is, but it does empower the couple to look for the good in their relationship so they can replicate that and do more of it. This is the power of a question. The right question at the right time in the right way can literally be lifech changing. And if you're not in a coup's therapy session with me and I'm not going to have the opportunity to ask you these questions, but you happen to be watching this video, you can actually ask yourself these questions. Ask yourself, what do you like most about your spouse and why? Why did you marry your spouse? And if you were to look for that quality, what's the first thing you would notice that would tell you that maybe on some level it's still there? And you can even ask yourself, what does your spouse like most about you? And if tomorrow morning that quality showed up, how would your spouse notice it? Asking these questions can literally be lifechanging because they invite incredible and respectful positivity into our lives which creates a platform for meaningful change. That's my story and I'm sticking to