This can SAVE your marriage

dating and marriage are opposites and when one gets married there needs to be a shift a paradigm shift because what is dating all about dating is how is this person good for me that's what dating is do I like this person do I find them attractive do I find them interesting do I find them to be kind how are they good for me how do I perceive them that's what dating is and as soon as one gets married if the marriage is to be successful now one needs to divert tension from themselves and say what is who is this person I want to get to learn you not just how I perceive you or how I appreciate you it's a paradigm shift you go from how do I perceive this person to who are you what do you value we have a fellow who is a divorce lawyer and he was saying that he he talks to his clients and he says a lot of his clients experience this issue they're still in dating mode when they should be in marriage mode so they get out of the marriage because they want to continue dating they want to continue thinking how is this good for me I told him I said we'll make a business deal if I fail with anybody I'll send him over to you I knew a doctor and his son-in-law was in the coffin business so anybody he failed with he'd chip him off to his son-in-law you know pass on the business so I told him anybody who I don't succeed with I'll pass mon I'll get a kick back okay I want to share with you a beautiful analogy from the Bal he shared a similar idea in our relationship with God in the context of prayer he said imagine you had a king who offers to his entire Kingdom one wish they can ask for whatever they want they'll get it as long as the king can provide it and people are lining up and people are asking for wealth and coming out out with buckets of gold people are asking for fame and coming out with prominent positions in the ministry people are asking for plea Bargains people are asking for all sorts of things in getting them and then there's one wise guy the wise guy says anything that the king can give me is not as valuable as the king himself right what's more valuable what the king gives me or the king what's more valuable money or the ability to make money right they say feed a feed a give a person a fish you feed him for a day teach him a fish feed him for a lifetime so what's more valuable the fish or the ability to fish the king what the king gives me or the relationship with the king so he says my one wish is to have a relationship with the king I want to sit down and I want to just talk with you I want to just get to know you that's what I want from the king and the guy developed such a strong meaningful connection with the king that's not outcome based that's relationship based he ends up getting his Fame he ends up getting his riches and wealth and he ends up getting everything that everybody else started asking for when our relationship with God is Not outcome based but relationship based we now are not focused on is God showing me love is God showing me discipline is God giving me Clarity how do I it's it's Transcendent it's much it's way beyond that way beyond that