The One Jug of Oil That Can Rebuild a Marriage (If You Know Where to Look)

What is the most common issue I see in difficult marriages? The most common issue is trying to figure out what's wrong before you establish what's right. When you go into this space of what's wrong and why is it wrong and what did we do wrong might be true. You may have done things wrong, but that should not be the first thing. And when you train yourself to look for problems, you begin to see more problems. When you train yourself to look for possibilities, what is right and why is it right? Didn't happen by accident. Claim responsibility for what's right. Continue to look for what is working. You train yourself to see possibilities and you're going to notice more possibilities. You're going to notice more instances where it's right. You're going to notice that what is right is not a one-off exception, but probably it happens more often than you'd think, but you don't notice it because you're so focused on what's wrong. This is the message of Hanukkah. The entire temple, the basikas, was ransacked. There was no pure olive oil to light the manora. All of the pure olive oil was contaminated, rendering it invalid. Instead of trying to figure out how it became invalid, how it became defiled, how the oil became contaminated, and why, and what could we do to prevent further contamination? Instead, they searched for pure olive oil. And it just so happened that even though they thought there was none left, there was one jug left of sealed pure olive oil untouched by people. it was not contaminated and they were able to light that manura and that was able to last them for eight days until they could rebuild and get more oil and get more light. Instead of trying to figure out why are we contaminated, what is our problem, why don't we look for that one jug of oil, that one jug of possibility from which we can rebuild from. When we train ourselves to see hope, we see more of it. When we train ourselves to see possibility, we see more of