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She’s Too Young to Date?! Rabbi vs. Dr. Delony

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Rabbi Josh Zebberman avatar
Rabbi Josh Zebberman

Transcript

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When is it appropriate for young boys and girls to start dating, to enter serious relationships? Listen to this mother who calls in with panic because her daughter is dating. She doesn't know if it's the right age or not. Uh John Deloney has his views, which you'll hear in a moment. And I want to share with you afterward a Jewish perspective. But take a look at this clip real quick. This isn't a game for me. These are my kids. My oldest is 14 and she is now exploring relationships and she's in her first relationship. And though I know relationships are good developmentally for them, I am having a hard time accepting it, I feel like I want to protect her. 14's too young. 14's too young. Okay. 14's too young. Okay. So, I'm not You're not crazy. Not just me being anxious and fearful. my kids. I I mean, I'll just put it out there and people can they're going to blow me up on the comments and they're allowed to, but I don't care and I'm allowed to do that. Um, my kids won't date until they're 16 and even then it's going to be strongly strongly preferred that they dating groups. Okay. Um, my son or my daughter could probably make me a compelling argument, but I would want to meet the person they're going to go out with. And call me oldfashioned, but I'm going to um reach out to the parents of the person my kids's going out with. Also, here's the thing. Boys and girls should not enter a serious relationship with one another unless they think that they possibly can or will marry that person. Do not date somebody that you have no intention to marry. If you think you might marry the person, date her or him. That's why you date to see if you could or would or want to marry this person. But if you have no interest in getting married at all and no interest in getting married to this person, then you're not trying to get to know the person. You're just trying to develop yourself through another person. The Bible says a man should leave his mother and father's home and cleave to his wife. And if you're not ready to leave your mother and father's home, you're not ready to cleave to your wife, then it's not really a relationship. It's just a subtle form of exploitation for fun. I I just don't think it's fair for a young man or a young woman to do that to him or herself, let alone to do that to somebody else. And I I think when we start taking relationships seriously and dating becomes marriageoriented, there's going to be a lot more stability and a lot more health. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Let me know what you think. That's my story and I'm sticking to