Relationship Expert: "It's Finally Time To Share You How To Fix Depression..."

so we're facing a big problem a lot of people are reluctant to go to therapy to go to counseling because they're afraid to talk about their problems and I get that um you have the Other Extreme as well where people are doing too much therapy and talking too much about their problems and I think we got to challenge the premise if you are aware of any research that says talking about your problems is a good thing and ruminating about your issues is actually helpful uh please share it share it in the comment section below I haven't seen anything I've had seen loads of research and experience and Toro wisdom about talking about possibilities and how that's actually helpful there there was like I've met so many people where like well you got to get into the problem sometimes and I'll say why and they'll say I don't know okay great who said you need to I'm not saying that you should neglect your problems ignore them let them bottle up so they can erupt later I'm not saying that either we obviously have to deal with issues but how you approach them is incredibly influential and it all boils down to language because here's the thing with language words are incredibly powerful and you know why when you say the right thing to somebody makes them feel good you say the wrong thing to somebody makes them feel bad you know why that works you know why language is effective because language forces people to think and when you say something hurtful to somebody and it actually hurts them because they care about your opinion and especially if it's true um it hurts them because you force them to think about something that they're uncomfortable thinking about which could be a good thing or a bad thing but that's not the point over here when you say something positive to somebody you say something good you put the spotlight on their positivity and you've forced them to think about that so the power of language can actually be the difference between helping somebody and hurting somebody and being intentional in how we use language and how we ask questions can to people can be incredibly impactful I'll give you an example if I know somebody's having a hard day one thing I could do is say so how is your day and I know what type of answer I'm going to get they're going to share with me the difficulties that they've had and you know what that's going to do that's going to make them even more frustrated this is I think this is just common logic but it but it's also the racious kma says when somebody's angry he says don't talk about your anger at that moment because you're going to make yourself more angry because language words Force us to think so what could I say I could say what did you like most about your day even though you had a hard day even though things were not easy and things didn't go your way despite all of that what did you like most about it putting somebody in a tight Corner forcing them to notice that with all the darkness there's some sort of glimmer of light that they have the ability to notice and if they can notice that they could find more of it they could look for more of it talking about problems is going to make somebody more aware of the problems and that's an endless Rabbit Hole unless you have a solution and and that's difficult as well because to really know the solution you have to really know the problem and when you dis dissect a problem you get deeper into the problem but there's another option which is talking about possibilities talking about resilience because behind every problem there's a hero There's a Hero who's pushing There's a Hero who showed up there's a hero who says despite these issues I'm still here I still showed up so why talk about the problem when you could talk about the hero who's fighting through that problem and that's through formulating our questions properly and this is what I do when I see couples and when I see individuals I ask questions in a way that's very thought very intentional I'll give you an example I had once met a couple who were going through a very difficult issue and it was a second session a follow-up session it said to the husband so what's been better since we had met last that's my my standard what's been better question where I'm subtly pushing them to kind of notice things that have been better despite how difficult things have been has response to my what's been better question nothing so I said despite nothing being better how did you keep things from getting worse right again I'm pushing him back in that corner so he could notice the positivity notice the good things notice the good things that he actually did that he probably forgot about because nothing's been better he's been so frustrated and he starts thinking and describing things that he had done to invest in his relationship things that he had done to take responsibility to make things actually a little bit better even though he said nothing's been better and he starts recalling what's been better and his wife starts listening about what's been better and things he did to to have become more invested and it was just through the power of language intentional language that I've forced them to think about the good things in their life that they were unaware of were I to just talk about their problems and let's process problems that would have erupted real quickly and created this dark negative space that they're trying to run away from and what I need to do is really identify where they want to run to and help them do more of that not to mask the darkness but to illuminate it that's my story and I'm sticking to it