Marriage Expert Reveals Why Most Modern Marriages FAIL

could any marriage be saved could any marriage be repaired the answer to this is yes now I'm not saying every single marriage will be repaired or even should be repaired but I do firmly believe that any marriage can be repaired if that's what the couple wants um by repaired by the way I and saved I don't just mean uh stay married don't get divorced but continue to live parallel lives what I mean is actually feel connected because that's what marriage is marriage is a union a Oneness merging of two different people becoming one and not just becoming contractually one and taking responsibility for one another and just doing what you have to do but actually being one feeling that one is I believe every couple can achieve this again I'm not saying every couple should or will uh that's really up to them but I believe every couple could and the reason is because there's always reasons to connect there's always reasons to feel disconnected I mean it's two different human beings coming together you can always focus on reasons why you're not connected and try to fix those reasons and try to realize that there's more reasons and more reasons there's an unlimited reason amount of reasons to feel disconnected but there are so many reasons to feel connected uh that's why actually when I see couples the first question I ask them is not why are you here AKA tell me about the lowest part of your marriage I want to know about the highest part of their marriage so I asked them how did you meet I want to understand why they're connected because I want them to understand and look for reasons to feel connected the ultimate reason to feel connected is because they've married so they're one if they can recognize that and realize that there's going to be hope um I I I I talk to couples and amidst the darkness amidst the pain amidst the hurt amid often the uh uh what seems like distrust there's a desire for connection a desire for something better a desire for love and highlighting that desire creates hope and creates a possibility of actually reconstructing what holds that marriage together and I've seen it I've seen couples who have been going through very difficult situations um whether it's because of external circumstances or what seems like just bad choices uh that influences the marriage in a negative light in a negative way and they hold on tight and they rebuild they rebuild an inherent connection that's already there a feeling of an inherent connection that's already there I'll share with you a parallel where we see this theologically we see this in our relationship with God because they go hand in hand uh King Solomon in his book Song of Songs In Depth describes our relationship with God as one would a relationship with husband and wife so they really do go hand in hand the AL writes in something fascinating he talks about tsha returning to God often often uh translated as repentance but returning returning from a deviant past and he asks an interesting question how can you return to God if you have a part of you that has always been connected to God if you have a soul that is part and parcel with God that is totally connected with God because it's literally peace of God then you've never left God then how could you have deviated requiring you to return so he says that there is a part of you that is inherently connected with God but then there's a part of you that is consciously connected to God and although you can never leave your inherent connection you could you could leave your conscious connection you could do things to isolate yourself from this relationship so T shua is not returning to God you're inherently connected to God it's returning to yourself the part of you that is inherently connected with God and the example he gives is from the Sun and the Moon The Sun Shines 24/7 but you don't see the sun shining 24/7 you only see it shining in the daytime at the night time you don't see it at night you see the Sun as it reflects on the moon when you don't see the sun reflecting on the moon uh maybe you don't see the Moon it doesn't mean the sun went away there's no more light um what it means is the moon is in the wrong space but when the moon goes back to the right space and orbits to where it needs to go it's in a position to reflect the light of the Sun and now you could see that light so he says the light of the soul is like the light of the sun it's always shining but sometimes we have dark moments we have exile moments and we don't get to appreciate the light of the soul but we could allow it to shine illuminate in our heart and mind and when you don't feel the soul shining on your heart and mind it doesn't mean that the soul is gone it doesn't mean that your connection is gone it just means you're in the wrong space and going back to the right space can allow you to feel and reflect that inherent connection and it's the same with marriage couples have an inherent connection when they're married because they're soulmates and by the way they have not only inherent connections they even have conscious connections shared experiences positive experiences and they could do tshua even in the most difficult of moments if they want they can actually return to the connection and that's one of the things I do in counseling in couples counseling is I ask questions that help them highlight moments of connection because the the more they focus on connection the more they crave connection the more they Envision connection the more they reflect on how they've experienced that in the past what it would be like to experience that in the future and perhaps what they're doing and what they have done without even realizing it to experience that in the present that builds hope and with hope any marriage can be repaired I'm not saying any marriage should be repaired I'm not saying any marriage will be repaired but with hope any marriage can be repaired that's my story and I'm sticking to it