It's most likely not a communication issue but a focus-issue.

Whatever you put attention [music] on is going to grow. But if whatever's holding up connection or closeness, that becomes the center of attention and you're trying to identify it, identify the triggers, and identify the obstructions, [music] and identify the issues, that becomes the center of attention, that's what is going to grow in your marriage. If you make the desire for connection, [music] the desire for closeness in your marriage the center of attention, that's what's going to grow. Why do you want to be closer? What version of your spouse [music] do you see right now that you want to feel closer to, that you want to see more of? Focusing on that and making that closeness the center [music] of attention is what's actually going to help you feel closer and more intimate in your marriage.