Have You Been Lied To? The Torah’s Most Misunderstood Mitzvah [Parshas Mishpatim]

Okay friends, parasishim where we discover the laws of the Torah. The context in which this para takes place is right after para Isra right after the parha of where we had received the Torah at Sinai the very same spot we were just talking about. Um, but but there's significance to the context to the sequence of the way things are laid out because the giving of the Torah or the receiving of the Torah, the experience at Mount Si is kind of the epitome of faith. Um, from a textual perspective, the verse, I am the Lord your God who had taken you out of the land of Egypt, the opening of the ten commandments, is a reference to the mitzvah of faith or a reference to the obligation of faith according to mostic authorities. Um, but this is what we had experienced God. This is like the the Rambam writes that this is how you know Judaism is valid like logically. This is like the epitome of of belief. It's the closest we've ever been to God as a collective people. Which means from the perspective of paras Judaism is it's it's faith-based. It's not about how much you understand. It's not about what you know. It's about who you know. God. Then parasishim are the laws within Jewish law. There is three categories. There is mishim which is the name of our para. There's and there's adus. There's irrational laws. There's testimonial laws and there's rational laws. Right? There's different types of mitzvah. Certain mitzvah like shabas testify on creation. Matzah testify in the exodus from Egypt. Um then there's irrational laws like kosher where there isn't a logical explanation. There isn't a logical cause for the mitzvah. There might be logical there might be significance that is rational but what causes the mitzvah is just the fact that God wanted it. Then there are logical right logical reasons that we know of right then there are but there's there's something inherently illogical about it like this is what God wants and we all have that by the way you know we give God a hard time but we we all have things that we want irrationally and we expect that uh those are respected in relationships. So this is a relationship with God is no different. But then there's also mitzvah that are rational. They just make sense. Um and and the Torah is predominantly the para sorry is predominantly discussing civic law which has rational explanation to it. There is a rational underpinning to it but it does have a rational um side to it. The civic code of Judaism which is in paras mishbat. How to treat indentured servants. How to how to treat theft, robbery, murder, the mitzvah of loaning people money, the the prohibition or or mitzvah of interest, the laws of interest. Um there there's so many examples in this para of Jewish civic law, which is an intellectual exercise. The Talmud says that one who wants to become extra smart, you got to learn the civic code. Uh that the sections of the Talmud that deal with Jewish civic law. And there's a sequence here. We first go from having this irrational buy in to God. We're like, yes, we're just infatuated. But then we go to paras where we have to actually make sense of the laws. We have to make sense of God's word. We can't just have faith, but we have to buy in in a very meaningful, real way. My hope is for the duration of our class this evening to hone in on one particular law and um explore it from multiple angles because what I see here is not just a law but a value a spiritual value. What I mean by spiritual, a value that is not just uh it's not just an instruction, but it's a it's a lens. And when we learn this law from the lens of and through the lenses of the Talmud as well and through many other sources, um we're going to hopefully be empowered to see ourselves a little bit differently in a good way and other people as well. And that law is I'll read the verse in the Hebrew and I'll translate it. It says from words of falsehood, distant yourself, which means don't lie. Somebody who is clean, somebody who is righteous, don't kill him. I will not make he who is wicked righteous. So don't kill righteous people. You have to have a proper justice court system and don't let wicked people get scotoff free. Don't pervert the justice. Distant yourself from words of falsehood. Commentaries explain that uh this is applicable even if the conclusion will be correct. If somehow you telling the truth is going to lead to an incorrect conclusion because you know the other witnesses are messing around and you lying is actually going to there's many examples of how this could apply but you lying can actually cause the ruling to be correct. Doesn't matter. Your job is not to produce outcomes in rulings. Your job is to be honest. And we cannot lie in court. Who is this instructing? There's actually a bit of a debate or discussion as to what are the limits of applicability of this law. Don't lie or distant yourself from lying. If you just look at the context of the Torah, it's within a court case. It's talking to witnesses. It's talking to judges. It's talking to litigants. They can't lie. It's a civic law. There are some commentaries that maintain and authorities that maintain and this is kind of based on on a midrash that there's a broader applicability that in general you shouldn't lie. And I mean in general there let me back up for a second guys. If you look in, if you look in the code of Jewish law, there is a prohibition of what's called geneva das, which means deception, right? You can't deceive somebody, especially if there's going to be some sort of um practical implication like you're gaining somebody off somebody else's back because of your deception. You can't do that. But is that a rabbitic prohibition? Because that's just like good ethics. Is that like a rabbitic ethic, a Jewish value, or is that a biblical precept based on this verse? Or is this verse only applicable in the civic sense in the in the uh in the court sense in a based? So there's a whole debate. I'll give you a practical example. It's kind of opening a can of worms, but we love doing that here. There's a big controversy right now in the Jewish world about some yeshivas and seminaries requiring detailed mental health information and questioning on their applications like do you struggle with specific mental health issues? are you on specific medications and and and stuff like that which is um highly controversial. Um these are yeshivas in Israel uh not in America because I assume I I mean the truth is I haven't done like a deep dive here but I believe in America it's illegal to ask certain questions. Um and it's it's controversial and some are supportive. the school should know what they're putting up with because it's people's safety at hand. And some say no, it's it's inappropriate. And young students are refraining from taking the medication so they could fill out the application in good justice, which is really not a good thing. So there's a whole debate and the question came up can you lie on this application? Is it acceptable to lie on this application? So if you believe this verse distancing oneself from a lie is applicable not only in court but applicable in the civic sense. In this case, you should not be able to lie. As inconvenient as it is, you don't get to lie. And some rabbis take that position. Some say no. The prohibition of deception is a rabbitic prohibition. And if you're protecting your own dignity from somebody else's um irresponsible behavior, you absolutely could lie. and some would go as far as to say you absolutely should lie. Now, I'm not telling you this to render aic ruling. Um, that's not going to be my that's going to be on my pay grade, especially in this case. But just to give context to the weight of this of this prohibition, I'd like to quote from you a passage from the Talmud which would suggest and this is not conclusive. It would suggest that there's broader application to this commandment and whether this commandment do not lie exists in in the rigid sense outside the courtroom or not again is debatable but the value is definitely a good value not to lie to tell the truth and the question that we're going to explore inherently or essentially is can we see the best within people or the best within ourselves when they're in difficult dark times without lying, without neglecting the truth. Um, some of you watching this understand that I have a very specific style in counseling which focuses not on the issue but on on something much deeper than that. And I get accused of all the time by people of being positive. That positivity is dangerous. And guess what? You're right. Positivity is dangerous. I don't believe I'm being positive. I think I'm just being honest. And No, no, I'm serious. I I I I think it's just being honest. Um, so the question is, are we lying to ourselves? Is it deception? Or can we see the beauty within people who are struggling within ourselves when we have shortcomings and still be honest? So here's what the Talmud says. In trackate kubus Talmud in trackubis is all about marriage. It's all about marriage contractions and and and uh contracts sorry and documents. And in the second chapter of of the Gomorrah asks famously said, "What is the appropriate way to dance in front of the bride?" There's a mitzvah to bring joy to the bride and to the groom and specifically to the bride. By the way, it's specifically the bride. Even though we dance with the bride and the groom, specifically the bride who needs joy. um which is I I'll tell you the the the cababalistic reason behind that. We can put this in brackets but might be useful to what we're about to discuss. The way Cabala and and sees marriage one of the ways is a dynamic of giving and receiving. The husband is the giver, the wife is the receiver. Not very popular in 2026. Too bad. This is uh this is going to get cancelceled, right? This is true uh certainly true physiologically and biologically. It's a reality. The husband gives, the wife receives. Um this is true spiritually, this is true emotionally, this is true financially. In fact, going back to track the kubois, if you look at the kuba, the kuba, the marriage document, it's literally about the husband's responsibilities toward the wife. Like, if you look at marriage from a contractual perspective, it's giving and receiving. And you can give all you want, but if nobody's there to receive for whatever reason, you're going to have a hard time giving or you're going to be in a position where you're not giving even though you're trying to. And because of that, because of that dynamic, marriages could suffer. In order to properly receive, in order to properly give as well, by the way, you have to have sim, there has to be joy. There needs to be happiness. Think of, okay, think back in like high school. Hopefully I'm not like triggering anybody here, but think back in high school of that teacher that didn't like you and you didn't like. You probably didn't learn much from that teacher. And think back to that teacher that you really respected, that you really enjoyed being in his or her class. And you could probably learn remember some things that you've learned because you were able to receive. We receive when there's joy. We're able to give when there's joy. Which is why we start off their new life together, the husband and wife with joy with. So the Gmorrah the Talmud asks famously how do we dance in front of the debate as to what phrase was said. There was two schools of thought. There was the school of basil hill. There was the school of shami b shamai. There are many debates between Bashami and Bhil. And usually Hillel is the is the more uh is the lighter version of Judaism. I don't want to say light like in a um not lighter like what's the word I'm looking for. I don't know. Okay, you get the point. You'll get the point in a second if you don't. Sham was a more strict one. So Hill says Kala maybe more lax that yeah I I think Hill would would would take exception right that's what it looks like I think he would say I'm just being honest but so would Shami um Hillel says she's a pleasant kind woman and this is what we this is what we tell her this is what we tell the groom right you did well for herself. You did well. She's a good, pleasant woman. Bi says, "No, no, no. Say it like it is, man. She might be pleasant. She might not be pleasant." And you can't lie. And he quotes the verse in our Torah portion, "Distant yourself from lying. You can't lie. Okay. So, find something good about her. But what if she's like blind? This is the example that the Gomorrah gives that the Tom gives. What if she's blind? What if she's limp? What if she's she can't walk properly and she's fumbling around and or right? There's some sort of deformity. You can't say you can't tell the guy she's beautiful. It's a lie. You can't do that. Distance yourself from Allah like the Torah explicitly says. And this is the debate between Sham and Hill. Do you say nice things or do you say true things to bring joy to people? Now, commentaries will try to answer for Hillel how it's not actually a lie. Technically, he's not lying. And there's different um there's different ways of explaining this, right? Maybe it's from the husband's perspective. It's she's beautiful. I mean, you don't, right? He he decided to marry her. beauties in the eyes of the beholder, right? Maybe that's good enough for him, right? There's different ways of of answering this. But at the end of the day, is there a way to see the beauty in people without lying? Let me reframe it this way. This is not necessarily a section of Talmud. Assuming it's not a section of the Talmud, it's a section of the Talmud. remember we had our gad classes um like the anak classes and when we're learning ag the nonic sections of the Torah we can assume that it doesn't have to be literal that the tal is actually conveying a personal message to us even if we're not at a wedding who is the kala who is the bride in the Jewish story us the Jewish people at Mount Si And I God gave us the Torah and he was the groom. And again, there's the giving, receiving dynamic, right? God is giving us the Torah. We're receiving it. In order for that to happen, there has to be joy, which is why the day of the receiving of the Torah was a day of incredible joy, which is like a wedding. And sometimes we may look at ourselves and say, "Me? I don't think so. Who am I to receive God's Torah? Who am I to be part of God's covenant? B Shamai would look at us, if we were to look at ourselves from B shami lenses, we might say, I'm deficient in my Judaism. I'm deficient in my relationships. I'm blind spiritually. I'm neglecting mitzvah that give me clarity. I don't say the shama the way I should, which would give me clarity. I don't study Torah the way I should. Either not enough or not with enough diligence, not with enough focus. I'm lacking clarity. Or maybe I'm limp. Maybe I can't walk properly. I'm not running to do mitzvah as I should. I'm not motivated as I should. I'm lacking in faith as I should. Am I fit to be in this relationship with God? and to say I'm a beautiful wonderful Jew. Isn't that a lie? So Basham I might say okay let's start small let's focus on what you are doing right let's focus on what is beautiful to the husband about this bride but basil would say no this is not a lie you are an incredible beautiful Jewish person you are God's bride. You are inherently connected with God. Yeah, but I'm deficient. I'm missing things. So why do those things define the relationship? Those are things you do because you're in the relationship. But since when do those define the relationship? Since when is Judaism defined by what you do? rather than an identity that motivates what you do. This is how Bas would see it that we are audiences though. But but that's not Jewish identity. Jewish identity isn't behavioral. Jewish identity is inherent and inspires behavior. And if I have a strong Jewish identity, I'm only going to get better. An example of this, I'll give you a couple examples, but one example is tshoua. I mean, there's different levels of tshoua. One way of tshoua is, yeah, I forgive you. Don't worry about it. Another level of tshoua, the highest level of tshoua is, you know what, I value more than you than what you do. And this is a very different way of looking at life because in in quote unquote the real world we look at output and you're rewarded for output. You're paid at work for the output you do. We reward output. That's just the way it is. But Judaism is not a business. And we reward identity. not reward identity, but identity is inherently rewarding. And the way to get to that space, the way to get to that space where I'm inherently connected. My behavior does doesn't define who I am. It expresses who I am. That doesn't mean we're exempt from Jewish things, from mitzvah. But on the contrary, I'm committed to mitzvah because this is who I am inherently. The way we get to that space is through the dancing, is through the sim, is through the joy. I recently was working with um this was a while back. I was working with a couple who were caught up and and understandably so by how different they both were. They had different ways of communicating. They had different ways of connecting and those differences seemed to have really gotten in the way of their relationship and seemed to have polarized them at times. So I said, "When do you feel least polarized? When do you feel least distant? When do you feel most connected?" They said, "When we're happy, we don't really notice these differences so much. They don't seem to play a big role. Our connection plays more of a role when we're happy. when there's sim the bride us being the bride with God can actually be a recipient of God's word of the Torah and the mitzvah and now the Torah mitzvah are something we receive joyously they're not a defining factor in who we are when we look at ourselves as Jews we look at other Jews we look at other people we see ourselves from God's perspective we can honestly say we are beautiful people and it's not a lie. We're honoring the word of God. Distance ourselves from a lie. We're not being delusional. We're just being very, very raw and honest. Okay, that's my story and I'm sticking to