Being a Giver Without Burning Out

Okay, friends. Parshas Bechukotai This week's parsha we have a number of mitzvahs connected to the Beit Hamikdash. Connected specifically to the era in which the the the time period in which the Beit Hamikdash existed. One of the mitzvahs is called the mitzvah of cherem. Ches, reish, mem. Not to be confused with the Islamic haram. Although it might come from the same place, I don't know what haram means. But in in Judaism in Hebrew the word cheremim, cherem, to make something cherem is essentially to make something to consecrate something as sacred to the Beit Hamikdash, sacred to the temple. And the parsha discusses the laws of dedication. Of dedicating ourselves, dedicating our possessions. And what we're going to hopefully unpack in the next 20 to 30 minutes is how to dedicate ourselves in a way that is meaningful, in a way that is powerful in a way that is energizing rather than depleting. Sounds good? >> [snorts] >> So here's the the mitzvah. The mitzvah says, I'm going to read the possuk portion of the possuk of the sentence and I'll translate. It says, "Ach kol cherem." Anything that you consin- consecrate, that you make sacred to God. Asher yakim ish laHashem which you give over to God mikol asher lo from all that which you have. From your own possessions. So it talks about the various laws. Which by the way, what one of the reasons for this mitzvah, although every mitzvah is just because that's what God said. Um but, the specific reason for this mitzvah, the Sefer HaChinuch explains, that there are times where a person may forget that their life is under the jurisdiction of God. It's easy to forget that. Life gets busy, and we think that if I it's a real struggle, right? If I get on one more sales call, I'll make the deal. Or if I get one more What Whatever it is, we we forget that it's God who runs the world. And sometimes, we have the opportunity to remind ourselves when necessary. And that's through donations to the Beit Hamikdash. This was a voluntary donation, becherem. It was a voluntary conse- consecration. Um there was a tax, the annual tax that was given to the Beit Hamikdash, that was the half shekel, but this was voluntary. A person would give it when they were inspired, or when they felt that they were lacking that feeling that God is in charge of my life, I got to give my stuff back to him, so I could realize who is really in charge. Okay. The Rambam, in his halachic codification, discusses the parameters of doing this mitzvah. Every mitzvah has its parameters, which means has a right and wrong way to do it. Every mitzvah has its its um its specific definition. So, you have the mitzvah as outlined in the written Torah, in the Torah itself, and then the Oral Torah unpacks how it applies, when it applies, how to do it right, how to do it wrong. And the Rambam kind of summarizes that in his code of law, that it's It's It's just It's easier to quote this from the Rambam, because the Rambam is more like uh it's almost like a digest like like an encyclopedic it's a convenient way to to really unpack these things. And here's what the Rambam says. Here's what my Maimonides says. That the sentence the possuk the verse says you should you could donate and consecrate your items to God me call a sure life from all that which you have. From all that which you possess. Implying you're not allowed to give everything to God. You can't leave yourself penniless. Well, how much of your possessions are you allowed to actually give? So the Rambam says that my Maimonides says that you can give up until a fifth 20% 20% of your possessions 20% of your earnings. The Rambam then says if somebody wants to be extra extra righteous and give even more to God or even give everything to God totally deplete himself and have nothing because he just wants to give everything to God. You know what the Rambam says? He's called a chosid shoteh. A foolish chosid. A foolish pious person. He thinks he's being pious he's being foolish. Because he's relying on miracles essentially. He has to support himself somehow. He has the funds why are you giving it all to God? He says that a person who does this is michlal mavlei olam. This is the type of person who depletes the world. Because now he's making himself dependent on other people. And the Rambam elaborates how this is the type of person who is not taking what God had given him seriously and this is the and and the Rambam really just unpacks that at this person like you You do that. You can give up until a fifth of your earnings. In general, that is usually the financial responsibility of of mitzvahs. Um usually up until a fifth. In certain situations, you could go beyond that and we'll talk about that soon. But the Rambam makes it really clear that when it comes to kharamim, when it comes to this type of charity, when it comes to this type of tzedakah, that is supporting the house of God, the Beit Hamikdash. And the reason is because you want to give to God, you can give up until a fifth. Anything beyond that is considered inappropriate splurging. This is a khasid shotah, a foolish pious person. This is the type of person who is destroying the world. Okay. However, there is a different section of the Rambam, not in his halakhic code, but on his interpretation of the Mishnah, where the Rambam says something slightly different. You may be familiar with a Mishnah that we recite every morning during Shacharit, early in the morning, right after the blessings of the Torah. We say, "Eilu devarim she'ein lahem shiur." These are the mitzvahs that have no measurement to them. Every Most mitzvahs have parameters to them, right? There is there's parameters in how to do it right and how to do it wrong, right? There there's I'll give you an example. After a certain amount of matzah, you did the mitzvah already, right? You don't need to keep going. It's not like in one particular evening, you need to eat as much matzah as you can. There's a There's a certain amount and beyond that amount, it's not necessary to eat anymore. But then there's certain mitzvahs that have no limitation to them. There's no I did it, check. And that mission it goes on to enumerate what those mitzvahs are. One of them is the mitzvah of pe'ah. Right? Leaving the corner of your field. Well, how big or small of a corner? However much you want, as long as it's not the full field because then it's not a corner anymore. But any corner you want. One of them is gemilut hasadim. Kindness. It's a mitzvah to be kind. Well, how far should somebody take kindness? Well, there's no sheer, there's no measurement, there's no limitation. And the Rambam says, "Well, wait a minute. I thought you're not supposed to splurge." What happened to not splurging beyond a fifth of your earnings? So, the Rambam says, "It must mean that it's referring to not financial kindness, but behavioral kindness." With behavioral kindness, when it comes to, you know, doing acts of service for other people, you might not be obligated to keep on going, but you could you could keep on going, right? There's no real hard limitation. When it comes to financial kindness, when it comes to tzedakah, the Rambam gives that same definition up until a fifth of your earnings. Like 20% of your earnings. That is where you cap. The Rambam then says, and here's the contra what seems like a contradiction. The Rambam then says, "If you go beyond 20%, if you go beyond that fifth, we call that hasidus, we call that piety. You're pious. You don't have to, but that's a pious thing to do." So, when it comes to donations to the Beit Hamikdash, when it comes to donations to the house of God, there's a limitation. Don't give more than a fifth of your earnings. Because the sentence in our parashah says me kol asher lo, from that which you possess, not all that which you possess. Somebody who does give too much is going to be considered um it's going to could be considered essentially self-destructive. It's not a It's not a virtue. Yet when it comes to the mitzvah of kindness, when it comes to the mitzvah of interpersonal charity, the Rambam says, your obligation is up until a fifth of your earnings. Assuming that there's a need and you have that um affordability. And if you go past that, you're not self-destructive. You're just being kind. You're being pious. And that's your opt That's That's your prerogative. You're You're allowed to do that. There seems to be a contradiction. Are you allowed to deplete yourself or no? And the answer is, guys, this is important, context. Depends on the context. >> [snorts] >> And here's why this is so important. Why would somebody donate to the Beit Hamikdash? It's Let's say Let's assume, by the way, that the Beit Hamikdash is well-funded. For a moment, right? Let's assume it's well-funded. Let's say Let's assume it's not a specific scenario where your funds are needed specifically. Why would you donate to the Beit Hamikdash? Why would you impose on yourself I don't want to say impose, but why would you opt for this cherem to consecrate your items up to a fifth of your earnings. So, the Rambam says, "You know why one might do that? Because they're trying to build character. Maybe they're feeling like they're not generous enough and they need to practice being more generous. The Torah gives us that opportunity to practice generosity. Because very often action triggers passion and what you do, you know, the habits we do become the attitudes we have. So, one might train themselves. In contrast to the charity example, the interpersonal charity example, where you can give way beyond 20% where you if you wanted to. Why are you giving that money? It's not about you, it's about somebody who needs it. You see the difference? This is how the commentaries explain what seems like a contradiction in Maimonides. In the Rambam's two texts. When it comes to personal character development the Torah imposes a hard limitation. Like, don't get too absorbed in yourself. Don't work on yourself too much. What happens when we become too self-focused? But when it comes to helping somebody else when it comes to somebody outside of ourselves, when it comes to an actual need the Torah does not impose any limitation. It might not be obligatory, the obligation might only be up until 1/5 of your earnings, but you can go beyond. There's no limitation. Because it's not about you, somebody needs it. >> [snorts] >> So, here's the way Hasidus explains it. The way Hasidus explains it is like this. I I I found this to be so powerful. Because I think it just sums up like the human condition as we know it. When we are self-focused, when our relationship with God is self-focused, when our relationship with people are self-focused, when our mitzvahs are self-focused, I'm doing it for a personal agenda. Not a bad thing. Not the best way to do it. Not necessarily bad. And when a person is doing something for a personal agenda, there is a limit. There's a limit to how much you could do that without going crazy. There's a limit to how much you could work on yourself without going crazy, because you just become the center of attention. And we can't handle too much of that. There's a limit to how much, spiritually speaking, divine energy you're actually going to allow into this world through mitzvahs. Mitzvahs bring God into the world. How much of God is that mitzvah going to allow into the world? Up until a certain extent, and beyond that, we're just being crazy. And the reason is because we are at the center of it. We're getting in the way. But when the focus is on the need, not on the character. When I choose to give charity cuz he needs it, not just because it makes me feel like a better person, it's not about me. How much could I give? As much as I want. It's not just that you're allowed to give more. We are going to have the capacity to give more. You see the difference? Because our giving is compelled not by self oriented motives or self centered motives, but by an actual need. We're compelled we are we are able to give a lot more without actually drying out, without actually burning out. Somebody there was once a philanthropist, a wealthy person who was quite charitable. And he had shared with the altar Rebbe that he's considering cutting back on his charity because he doesn't feel like it's coming from a place of authenticity. It doesn't feel real. Feel like I'm just doing it for myself. And he had the altar Rebbe told him well, you might be doing it for I mean to you it might not be coming from a place of authenticity, but the guy receiving it is receiving it with complete authenticity. But what was the shift that the altar Rebbe was trying to convey to him? When it's about you, you dry up. How much can we handle of ourselves already? When it's about someone else, when it's about the recipient it's possible that we have a lot more in the tank than we thought we actually did. I see this in in in marital relationships with people I work with all the time. I ask them questions like what would be different about you if your relationship was in a better place? It's a common question I I like to ask people. If your relationship was in a better place, you were you felt happier together, you felt healthier together, you felt things were just what would be what's the first thing you'd notice that's different about you? And they'll say something like I've heard this so many times, they'll say something like, I'd be living less inside my own head. I'd be more focused on my spouse. I'll ask the spouse, what would be different about your husband or different about your wife if your relationship was in a better place? It wouldn't be about him. Wouldn't be about her. I'd feel deeply seen. And it's it's so ironic, but what happens when the relationship makes that shift, that important shift from being about the self to being beyond the self there's literally more space for the relationship to thrive. That's and and in other words, what I'm getting at here is that the Halakhic reality that we're describing here that when it comes to personal development, there's a cap on how much you can give. When it comes to somebody else's need, there's no cap on how much you can give. That Halakhic reality is reflective of a world truth, of a deeper spiritual reality. That when we're focused on the need and not just on what does this do for me there's just so much more space to not burn out. And to actually feel so good and not even resent what we're doing. Okay, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.