Rabbi Joey Haber & Rabbi Aminov: Why Not Me? The Poison of Jealousy

Welcome everyone to tonight's very special event. We have we're coming right before Shabas and we have two amazing speakers. What better way to prepare for Shabas for Shabbat and of course we're coming off of the the three weeks and Tuba and then hearing from Rab Rabber from Hashem. We have this amazing topic tonight. Why not me? The poison of jealousy. Of course we want to thank all the partnering organizations for tonight. Hazak organization, the the shu kila co Israel co- Israel, Milana's events, Jewish cure movement. I would definitely say that we definitely would not be standing here without uh two powerhouses in the community. We have Milana and Ephri so much 1000 p.m. 3:00 a.m. getting text messages. We got to do more. We got to inspire. They're amazing powerhouses. and other powerhouse. We have Nathan over here. Round of applause over here so much. He has that it's he's he's full of energy and the the youth and inspiring and he should continue for many years to come. He's with Hashem and and and of course tonight he's being dedicated we we we is being dedicated but but with the thank the sponsors the Brahma family, the Aquasha family, Adi family, Aaya family. Let's give a round of applause for all the sponsors for tonight. Tonight is also being dedicated by Leeloy Nishmat Abraham Sakar for Rosa Bashana Zuk for Esther Barina Mazal Natalie Naomi Bida Alisha Ba Frian Ben Mira Mera Mika Dalia Dia Bifa Emily Dina Marina Mala Esther Natano Ben Rema Ephri then arena and for the parasa parta bachana and and of course we um the some of some people might be wondering why there's why why there's these cards around and there's but there's there's there's pens is because following both of the the sherm we're going to or the Q&A be based on the filling out of the cards everyone definitely take the opportunity to hear from these amazing rabbis and hear the sher in the lectures and get inspired but give her the opportunity to ask a question in person you got to take take advantage. Take take take a card, take two cards, write down the questions and and pass them up. Put them on the in the middle over here. And we're going to um get to as many questions as we can. And of course, we're a few few weeks before the new school year. Everyone should should make sure that themselves and their friends and neighbors um send send their send their children to Jewish education. or a few weeks from we we had the the destruction of the beta mikdash and and we have a destruction in in in in in this community and so many communities around the world of how can we allow one student, one child to not have a Jewish education that has to make sure that that we have a few weeks right now before before you go to sleep tonight make sure you think of one friend a neighbor someone who has been to public school make sure that they're going to get a Jewish education to go into yeshiva for this year visit Hashem and and and the topic for tonight, of course, we're we're a startup here for Rabbi Yanghov and and and we're talking about talking about jealousy. How do we connect to this topic? We heard so many lectures about it, but how can we relate to it? So, there's a there's I heard a message from from Rabbi Yadid. He says that if you look at one of the most famous Jewish teachings, it's in Perk Abos. What does it say? But it says, "Who is a wise person? Somebody who learns from everybody. Who's a rich person? Somebody who's happy with what they have. Who's a rich person? Who's a strong person? Someone who can overcome their their inclinations. Somebody who's honored is somebody who who who honors others. But it's a very strange. Usually you think if I'm wise, okay, fine. If I get a 1,600 on my on my SATs, if I'm the smartest person on the block, who's a rich person, if I have a million dollars in the bank, if I have the biggest house on the block, who's a strong person? Who who can lift the the most amount of weights? Who who who can honor people? I can only get honored if everyone stands up when they come into the room. But but each of if you look at here, every single one of these examples is if you're wise, if you're learning from others, it's only about you. If you're rich, it's only it's not about how much my bank account compared to my friends, was a bigger house, was a bigger who has a nicer car. It's about myself. Am I happy with what I have? Am I strong? It's not about am I as strong compared to some someone else. Am I strong myself and and making sure that I'm in control and am I honor is not about other people. Am I myself a person who is honorable and honoring others and and the the the first rabbi tonight is inspiring us and making sure that that that we that we strengthen ourselves in every area and have them do toot the good character to to inspire the rabbi he's inspiring so many in the community and he's one of the rabbis of the and let's all rise for >> good evening everyone we welcome all of Thank you to our wonderful synagogue called Israel. We want to say a big thank you to the Jewish Jewish Kiru movement to Milan events and of course Kazak for their wonderful participation effort working day and night to make sure that this very necessary event happens. We thank you and we wish you much success in all the future events and here at we should be that by next year this time we should be inhum also want to say it's a big honor in zoot to be sharing a stage with Rabbi Joey Habber you know if you asked me 12 years ago 13 years ago that one day you are going to speak next to Rabbi Joey Abra I would laugh and yeah you would say maybe you know when I when I reach the moon that'll happen so it's a great honor in Zahoot we're a big fan rabbi me and my wife we listen in we learn from the rabbi and we thank the rabbi for all that he does to all is and only you should come in only happy occasions I won't be speaking too long as I must say I came to really listen to Rabbi Haver. So I'm going to direct my comments to this holy audience for a few minutes. Um and then we'll give the honor to rabb the ramal inim calls jealousy a very painful mida it's very painful says it's something that we're really born with you know for those who have children will understand My example, you're at the Shabbat table. You pour yourself or some have the custom that the wife pours the keshka and then you pour for your children. And God forbid you pour a little more grape juice to the first child than to the second, right? Why does she have more? Why does he have more? Why do I have less? It's jealousy. From a very young age, it plagues us. It's painful. It grows with us. Are we bad people because we have jealousy? Our Torah is comprised of 613 mitzvot. 248 positive, 365 negative. And Sephim says each mitzvah corresponds to a certain organ certain limb sinus a body part whenever that body part hurts or there's pain in that area it might be a hint that maybe you're slacking off with this mitzvah maybe you're not uh doing what you're supposed to be doing in this area of Yiddish it's kind of an alarm says this quality of jealousy it made it to the ten commandments the big 10 don't covet what body part is it connect to says it's connected to the heart jealousy and heart but I'd like to tell you the explanation of King Salomik says jealousy it's connected to the bones that the bones rot because a person feels jealous. There's two ways to understand this. The literal way when a person has jealousy after 120 when he's buried his bones rot. Ravi says takes a different approach. Raobi says what does it mean that the bones rot because a person feels jealous? He says well take for example Mount Everest. Let's say you're the type of person who likes to climb and you went up Mount Everest a couple of times and you're trying and you're pretty good, you're pretty fast, you reach pretty high heights, but the moment you hear or see of someone else that reached higher, that did it faster, Ravoli says what happens to the psychology of a person is that this performance starts to become less, diminishes. You did great, you are great, but because you found out, you heard about someone else doing better, climbed faster, reached higher, it destroys your performance. It eats up what you have, your quality, your strength. It takes it away. Social comparison. In fact, Roosevelt, Theodore Roosevelt said a famous line, "Comparison is the thief of joy." There's no happiness. I have wonderful grass on my side. All I have to do is just water it and focus on my side. when but when when I'm busy focusing on someone else's grass and watering theirs, I neglect mine. So what ends up happening to mine? It rots. He says that's how we can understand King Solomon's words. The bones rot. The good that you have, you stop believing believing in it. the qualities that you you excel at and you have good and you're amazing. But when you're busy comparing and having this feeling of jealousy because someone did a little better, someone did a little faster, someone else's children married a little better, someone else got a bigger paycheck, the qualities that you have, they start to Wayne away. Not because you lose blessing, because you stop watering your own grass. I'd like to share with you a personal story. When I was starting my still am hopefully tisha movement around 18 years old, 19 years old, I signed up to yeshiva sharashaw and it started in level one. and Bashem I had a lot of uh enthusiasm had a I had a lot of confidence and I was I can say confidently top one class in the group in the middle of the year another guy comes joins our little more fluent has a little more better background than I did and so he starts to get the attention of the Rebi. And he becomes that number one. And I will confess my sin today. I didn't like him. He took my spot. He took my spotlight. And so I had this kina jealousy. But that didn't end there. You would think if I'm number one, he came in, I would be number two. No, I became number five, number six, number seven. My rep says, "What happened? You were the top guy. You're not You're behind. Everyone else is ahead. What happened to you?" Couldn't explain it. I talked to my Rebi. I had a heartto-he heart. He gave me some advice, different things I can do. And so now understanding what what Raobi says, you can be good, you can be amazing, but once you start to compare, once you start to have jealousy, this that you have, the qualities that you have, they start to diminish. they start to go away because you're busy watering someone else's grass and not focused on yours. You know, I asked my boys, my students, they like to play basketball. I said, "Are you you basketball boys? You you like you are you jealous of LeBron James." Rabbi jealous of LeBron James? He's in a different league. How about Stephen Curry? You jealous of Stephen Curry? He's not so tall. is a different league. What jealous playing different things? Anyone here is jealous of Elon Musk? Forgive me for mentioning his name in a synagogue. No, we're not jealous of these athletes and these basketball players or this Tesla guy because it's a different league. Trillionaires athletes are on a different level. We're not jealous of them, but our next door neighbor with a new Tesla in front with a bigger extension, with that coworker who got a raise, with that friend who married off their son or daughter to a prominent family then we're jealous of. Why? Because we feel like we're in the same league. We can compare. Ram Khal says something re revolutionary and with this I'll end says no one is in your league just like this Tesla guy and these athletes you won't even have a to be jealous of them because they're in different leagues says no one is in your league because everyone was created with their own mission everyone was created with their own tools everyone has They're no one is in your league. You have to look at everyone as this Tesla guy. You have to look at everyone as these athletes. We're in different leagues because Hashem has a plan for me and he has a plan for you and it's a different plans. It's completely different and he created he created your plan for only one person and that person is you. So we should notice the good that we have. as actually a small exercise I'd like to do with you and we'll do it together every morning before we wake up. Every morning after we wake up before taking our phone, checking the WhatsApp status, I'm not going to say Tik Tok or Instagram. I believe we have a holy audience. Not saying if you have it, you're not holy. Let's work on it together. Yeah. Before you check your WhatsApp status, ask yourself one question. What has Hashem already given me today that someone else would love to have? Would love to have my health, my spouse, my children, my parents, my ability to learn, my ability to to pray. The more we notice our blessings, the less attractive someone else's are. And we should be to be able to water our own grass because we have wonderful, wonderful qualities, we have a lot going for ourselves. And as long as we're focused on ourselves, we will excel. But the more we water someone else's grass and being focused on them and being jealous of them, what ends up happening to us? these qualities that we possess that we have start to diminish. Thank you for your attention. >> Continue to inspire the community for memory years to come with amene. And and tonight of course we're going to work on our beh every mida every character trait there you um you can use it for the good. So the question is how can you use jealousy kina the rabbis spoke so beautifully about is there a way that we can use it for the good. So so so there's one there's one way that that that our rabbis tell us that you can use it for the good. It says we're going to explain what that means right now. So right now we have this amazing beautiful beautiful amazing. So what this reminds me of of is is is that by a Brit what do you say you say that that this small child that one day it should grow up it should be should be nice and big and healthy and an adult but there's a deeper explanation we know that a child but when it grows up it's selfish whether it's 3:00 a.m. in the morning 4:00 a.m. if it's hungry if if it wants his mother it's going to cry its lungs out until until the mother or father gets up. Why? I guess they only care about themselves. They don't care that that that their parents had a long night and and and were busy and maybe lost a business deal. It doesn't matter cuz they only care about themselves. But there's deeper explanation zakatan. This small child where we're where we're were blessing the child that one day should grow up to be a a god. should we go out and to be great and not only care about it, care about himself, but it should should go out and to care about their family and the community and all. And I think one of the deep reasons why why why our speaker tonight is inspiring so many people in the thousands is because he views them as as that he used him as his own child and it's our great great scoop to call on Rob Joey. Everyone please rise. Thank you very much for that warm introduction. I'm not still not sure who's the kata and who's the gad. I'm the katan. >> I'm the god. Okay. So just thank you very much. By the way, I thought you were the god. Just putting it out there. Um, but thank you so much, Robbie, for everything you do. Khazak is one of the most amazing organizations that the Jewish world has. And like you said, anyone who has a child who's or grandchild who's thinking and not sure about enrolling in yeshiva, now's the time to do so. And what Kazak accomplishes with the programs and getting the boys and girls to go to yeshiva is something incredible. So Kazakh should keep being with you and make you every year stronger and stronger and enable you to really change the community in Queens and this whole area in a tremendous way. Now Rabbi Amino, that was beautiful words. I'm not sure exactly what to say. 12 years ago, I didn't know I would be speaking with you either. So I guess we're even on that. By the way, how old were you 12 years ago? Can we just know or we're not allowed to know? Oh, I guess we're not allowed to say. Okay. So, 12 years ago. Was it like before Shayasha, after Shayasha? What? Around that time. Got it. Okay. So, I guess did you even know who I was 12 years ago? You did in the journey while you were jealous of the other kid, you were thinking about me or something. Okay. So, thank you. And the truth is, I really appreciate everything you said. I don't know what what if what we're going to say is right, but I know what you're going to say really gives us a lot to think about. I know when I get back in the car and on the way back home, um your words and your thoughts and your story and your were beautiful. I mean it. Um so, how is it in Queens in the summer? >> You like being here? Do you do you you live in Queens all year round and you stay in Queens in the summer? So me, the guy who lives in Brooklyn all year round and then has to go to deal in the summer because I have to go somewhere better. I'm going to give you the speech about jealousy. There's something around this that's a little backwards. No, don't you think so? But we're going to try our best. Um, here we go. I love sharing this eyeopening moment that I had on my Friday night table. Maybe at this point it might have been 10 years ago. For the most part, I don't whether this is right or wrong. I usually don't invite outsiders that much because Zakangado yet is my first job as men with children and they don't get enough of my time. Like right now they love to see me but I'm far away. So Friday night I try to focus on them. But there was one Friday night I was involved in Magad Yeshiva if you know it in Brooklyn for a long time. I had a group of boys somewhere in December, January, a group of senior boys at my Friday night table. I said to the boys, "How many of you can't wait for school to finally be over?" So, they were like, "Yeah, yeah, we're done. We're done." I said, "I don't blame you. like it just, you know, enough with school, high school, senior year. I've been here for three and a half years. I don't even know if I'm even learning anymore or whatever. I just I can't wait. I said, I don't blame you. I said, now what's going to happen is the summer's going to come and then you're not going to exactly some boys are going to be going to Israel, some boys are going to be going to college, and you're going to be saying to yourself like, I can't wait for the summer to end. and then just let me get started with the next step in my life. I can't wait to get on a plane and go to Israel. He said, "And then you're going to get to Israel and it'll be like a year like this and it'll be you're going to go to Israel like in the middle of August because Eloo starts early and you're going to be like, "All my family, they're still having fun. They're at the pool. It's the summer. Your friends, they're making fantasy teams." By the way, the basketball player that you mentioned, I just want to say we're from New York. We hate him, okay? And we plan to beat him. So, we're not jealous of him. We're better than him. Okay? Just putting it out there. So, where was I? So I said you're friends and you're going to be missing your family and you're going to be saying to yourself, I just can't wait till like after the maybe after Sukkot is settled in and then all of a sudden it's going to be cold and rainy in Israel and you'll be like, "Oh, I just can't wait till it stops raining here. I can't wait till I get used to the yeshiva and the dorm and not having my mother's food." And then you're finally going to somewhere December, January, you're going to get used to what you're going to be out here forever. I can't wait to go home for Pesak and you're going to get home for Pesak and you be like, "What am I doing in America? I can't wait to go back to Israel. And then you're going to get back to Israel and you're going to be there for a few weeks and you know what? I can't wait. I'm done. I did my year. I'm ready to go to college." and you finally come back and you're going to go to college and right away you're going to say, "Oh, I can't believe it. College is so much worse than I thought. None of my friends are in my class. I don't know what the professors even talking about. I can't wait till I get the hang of it until my GPA gets better." And then your GPA is going to get better. And you're going to be like, "I can't wait till I get a job." And then you're going to get a job. and you look at the paycheck and you'll be like, "Wow, I can't wait till I get a raise." That's not a paycheck. You're going to find out. They're going to tell you about this thing called taxes. You're going to be like, "What? Why am I getting only half the money they told me?" Nothing worse than thinking you're getting $4,000 a month and the check comes in like 2370 and then you be like, I can't wait till I get a raise. And then you're going to get a raise. You be like, I can't wait till I start dating already. And then you're going to date a bunch of girls and you be like, this is such a a headache of a process. I can't wait till I find the one. And then you're going to find the one and you're going to be like, oh no, it's such a serious associate. How am I going to pay for this? And you're going to be like, I can't wait till I I don't know. I I got to get another raise. And then you're going to be engaged. It's going to feel like forever be like, I can't wait till I just get married. This is crazy. And then you're going to get married. And then also one night, your wife is going to cry. And you be like, "Oh no, I can't wait till I figure out woman. You might as well just end your life then cuz it's never going to happen. So then you're going to say, "I know I just insulted like 3/4 of the room." Whatever. I'm sorry. I drove a long way. It's whatever. >> And then you're going to be like, "I can't wait till I till we have a baby. And we can have a baby. And then your wife's going to be expecting and you'll be like, "Ah, I can't wait till she stops being nauseous." And then I can't wait till the baby's born. And the baby's going to be born so exciting. And then you bring the baby home. Be like, "Wow, I can't wait till the baby stops crying in the middle of the night. When am I going to get sleep?" And the baby's just stopped crying in the middle of the night. And all you'd be like, "I really have to go out on my own. I have to start my own business. I can't wait till I get my own business. And then all of a sudden, another baby's going to be out of the way. Then you be I can't wait till my family gets accepted into school. I don't know what school we're going to. And then I can't wait till my seven-year-old has friends. And I can't wait till my 10-year-old stops having problems with the teacher keeps calling. And then I can't wait till my 14-year-old, when is she GOING TO JUST GET ACCEPTED INTO HIGH SCHOOL? And then you're in high school. where you're going to be like, "Oh no, I can't wait till she she's finally ready to like talk to her parents. She talks to her friends so much." And then you're going to be like, "I can't wait till she starts dating." And then all a sudden she's going to get married. The next one's going to get married and be like, "I can't wait till she comes over." And then they're going to come over and you're going to be I can't wait till my son-in-laws get along. And then you're gonna be like, I can't wait till my son gets into the right yeshiva. And then I can't wait till he gets married. And then it's so cold. I can't wait till I just go to Florida already. And then you're going to be, I can't wait till I come back home to my kids for Pesak. And then you're going to be, I can't wait till my wife stops complaining about her back. And then you're going to be like, I can't wait till we get the results of the biopsy. I said, you will be waiting for the rest of your life. Maybe you'll be happy at 90. I said, I agree with you. I do not disagree. I don't blame you for just being done and ready to graduate. But I'm here to tell you that the wait never ends. Wherever you're hoping to get to today, one day you'll get there. And what it what you never promised, what you were never told or no one ever told you about IS THE FACT THAT WHAT COMES ALONG WITH THAT GOAL THAT YOU'RE WAITING for is a little package. And you know what it says inside that package? YOU'RE GOING TO GET THERE. YOU'RE GOING TO WHATEVER it is you're hoping for, you're going to get there and you're going to open up the package and it's going to say, "Now wait for something else." And you're just going to be waiting your whole life. So, how do we stop ourselves from waiting? How do we stop ourselves? What was the title? If I'm asking this question, why not me? You know, Abrahamu, by the way, I was sick in bed, so I have a cough. I was sick in bed a few days ago, so excuse my cough. Abraham had guests. And when Abraham had the guess, the pasuk says that they were they were really angels, but he thought that they were nomads. Why did Hashem make the guess? be look like nomads if they were really angels. The reason is because Hashem wanted to teach us a very important rule about having guests in our house. Very important rule about how we treat other people. And that important rule is is that you look at somebody and you judge them. And you SAY, "AH, THAT PERSON IS just a nomad." Don't ever judge that person. Don't ever judge that person in the street because you never know that nomad could really be an angel. You walk in the street and you see people you say, "Ah, that's a simple person. That's not a high caliber person. That's a poor person. That's a What's the word here in Queens for hazit?" Do you have a word for this? >> Is it? It's not neah, is it? >> What's the word? >> What? I I don't know how to say that. >> So, a bet is a case. >> Thank you. >> Oh, thank you. >> What? What? >> I understand that. I didn't think it was English. So, so, so you walk in the street and you think, "Oh, that person is just a bed short actor." Say, "Right, by the way, is it a clean word?" >> Okay, good. I got scared. You could have got me to say anything just now. Abraham saw what looked like the most random people in the world and he said, "I need to treat them right. I need to respect them. Don't judge people. Don't judge the man on the street." My point here tonight is everyone agree don't judge people. Do you agree with me? Don't touch people. >> Yes. Do you agree? Do you agree with me? Don't ever look at a person as a hazik or a veteran. You agree with me? I said it good. Now you don't have to laugh anymore. >> Did I say it right or terrible? >> No, don't make fun of me now. You're treating me like a Okay. So, everyone agree with me. Don't look at a person on the street as like don't judge that person. I think a lot of us are not as guilty of judging other people as we are of judging ourselves. I think a lot of us look at ourselves as not so great. We look at ourselves as we look at ourselves as not so great. In fact, I once saw this in a very strong way and I've told this story a million times because it hit me. So my last year that I was involved in Maga David, you heard of Magad David, right? Mag whatever in Brooklyn. So anyhow, the last year I was involved, I used I went sometimes to eighth grade classes to talk to them. So I went into an eighth grade girls class around Osha Yogi Bhutan and I asked them I said girls I want every one of you to pick one thing about yourself that you want to change. And the point of it was like like everyone thinks about during you know I want one person to say I want to change my anger. I want to change my you know I want to change my I want to change my saying want to change my when I pray and I said okay girls does anyone want to pick one pick something you want to change want to go raise and she says yes I have something I want to change I said what is it she says my nose is too big the girl says I have something I want to change my hair hair is too curly. Another girl says, "I'm too short." And each girl said another thing about themselves that they wanted to change. And it was all of a sudden I realized, "One second, they don't like themselves. They're not happy with themselves." I said, "Whatever speech I was going to give, I need to shove this. I I need to respond to this. EACH ONE OF THESE GIRLS THINK THERE'S something wrong with them. So I I think I came up with something pretty good, pretty quick on my feet. Maybe that's why I tell the story. So I'm impressed with my response. I said, "What am I going to tell them? What am I going to tell them?" So I said, "Girls, can you tell me what is the most famous painting in the world?" >> Very good. It's the Mona Lisa. They said, they all said the Mona Lisa. I said, "Do you know how much the Mona Lisa is worth? It's something like $900 million." I said, "You know what's funny about the Mona Lisa?" I said, "Did you ever see a picture of it?" I said, "I don't get it. It's like a girl in a bad mood. That's what's demon. What's the big deal? It's just, you know, what's good about the Mona Lisa? I don't know what's good about I really don't know what's good. IF YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME to put put a monies here and I never heard of it before, I WOULD HAVE PAID $12 for it. No. What? Are you agree with me? I said, "What's so special about the Mona Lisa?" I said, "But you know what's special about the Mona Lisa? It was painted by the greatest painter in the world. And therefore, if I can't see its beauty, it's just because I don't know art." So well I don't have an eye for art but if I did I would realize that THE MONA LISA IS SOME KIND OF SPECTACULAR PAINTING. I said the same thing is true with you. You may not appreciate yourself because you don't realize you don't have an eye for art but you were created by the greatest creator in the world. And he created you incredible and he created you beautiful and he created you perfect. So the problem is not with the painting. The problem is with your eye of art. I think a lot of us walk around. We know our faults. We know our weaknesses. We expect things to go wrong. We know we're not doing so well. And we're just obsessed with the mistakes we make. With our nose being too big, with our hair being too curly, with the stage of life that we're in, somehow not being good enough, even if we think we're okay, but we're not good enough. And we have our whole psyche convinced. And we look at other people that we frankly know barely anything about. Even if that other person is your neighbor or your brother or your sister, you know nothing about them. You look at other people and you start to fantasize their life is this and they have that and they're set up this way. We have to put ourselves in the right frame of mind. And I'm going to try and share with you to me what is one of the most inspiring pukim for me in the Torah. A puk that once we understand its fullness, this puk is something for us to work on our entire life. Because to say unless you just naturally don't have any competitiveness to no jealousy at all to say that you can ever master it is very hard to do but it's constantly work on this puk is this Abraham was old Abraham and Hashem blessed Abraham with everything and the commentary struggle. What does it mean Hashem blessed Abraham with everything? What does everything mean? So some say everything means he had a son cuz Bak and Ben is the same 52. Some say B means everything means he had a daughter. Some say everything means he didn't have a daughter. Don't ask me to explain that. Well, I'll give you a quick explanation to it. It's that he didn't have a daughter. It means he didn't know who he was going to marry his daughter off to. Because there's no other Jews in the world. The boy, the girl would join his family. The daughter would join the boy's family. So, he was thankful that he didn't have a daughter that would lead the family. Some say it meant he had a stone that could heal anything. But the explanation I'd like to focus on today is the explanation of the Ramban because I believe that's explanation gives us an incredible insight in how Abraham viewed his life. Hashem Abraham says that Bak is a mid but is a characteristic. What is that characteristic? Is that view I look at my life and I say I have everything. I look at it and I say I have everything. Now let's look at it for a second where Abraham Ham is in his life. Abham at this point in his life really and this is are you serious everything? Abu Muhammad gone through 10 tests at this point. Abnham didn't have a son till he was 87 a good one till he was 100. He was in a world war. His wife was taken from him twice. His nephew was taken from him. He almost slaughtered his son. AND BY THE TIME HE OVERCAME THE TEST of slaughtering his son, he came home AND HIS WIFE WAS DEAD. This is everything. HOW COULD HE HAVE SAY I HAVE EVERYTHING? He's standing here with a son who needs to be married and a wife that's dead having a very, very tested life. The answer is everything means that I view what I have the good, the bad, and everything in between. That's my everything. This is this is everything I need to have for me to be me. That means I need the good that I have. I need the challenging that I have. I need what some people would be call would call bad. I need all of it. That's my everything. If Abraham Haminu did not have everything I just have, I just mentioned if Abraham Hamu's wife wasn't taken twice and if he did separate from his nephew and if he doesn't in a world war and he didn't almost slaughter his son, he wouldn't be on Alavino. So all OF THOSE TESTS WERE PART of what made him everything part of what made him him. When you look, this is different than what we used to. A lot of us look at like I got stuck with a raw deal, but I'm okay with it. It is what it is. This is different. This is I have everything. What is in my life is everything I need. That the problems are part of my everything. What I'm missing is IT'S EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M MISSING IT. IF I WOULD HAVE IT, I wouldn't have everything. But because I'M MISSING IT, THAT'S MY EVERYTHING. HASHEM WANTS a hole over there. Hashem wants me not to be able to pay for that. Hashem wants me to not be able to have the car, but the other friend does. That's part of my everything. I hope this concept is clear. It's an approach. You look at your life and you say, "Why do I need this? Why do I need that?" I have one have a kid that's challenging. Why do I need that? I have another child that has a mental health problem. Why do I need that? I have a mental health problem. Why do I need that? I have another kid that's doing phenomenally well. Why do I need that? I have a marriage that's good in eight areas but two areas that could use improvement. Why is that my everything? Most of us look at some mean to say I got stuck but try to be happy with what you got stuck with. This is very different. You're not stuck. You have Hashem gave you an everything and in his everything is a tool chest of all these different things. Some days that people view as good. Some days that people view as bad. Some days that people view as challenging. But all of it together is everything you need and everything you want. And the truth is I think most people could accept this. The only problem is like Rabbi said before you, you just start to compare and it takes you completely out. If I told you and I said tell me your life and you listened to me all the things and I said you need this and you need this and you need that and this is good and that's good and this bad is good for you and this good is good for you. You would believe me but then all of a sudden you just look over to the next person and you're like it's so hard for you. I I learned this lesson I think about how crazy that is one time on a plane. So I have I like nature. Like I like grass. I like trees. I like animals. I like nature. And I've gone to places that are beautiful. Nature that that's talks to me. So one time we were on my wife and I were on a plane and we're going to Arizona to Sedona and I think when you get on the plane if I remember it right you know a lot of times in the plane right when you sit down there's a little video screen of like something that tells you a little bit about some place that's destination they want you to get excited about it. So as you sat down the video screen automatically runs. It's not you don't have to turn it on. is automatically running showing us different places in Arizona. And then it went to one place that really caught my eye. It's called Devil's Bridge. Anyone here ever hear of Devil's Bridge? >> So, what's Devil's Bridge? It's a place in Sedona that is high up in the air and it's it's and if you like surrounded by mountains and there's a bridge. What does it mean? There's a bridge. There's like from one of these mountains, there's this long rock that's sticking out maybe 100 ft out and you stand on this rock and you're like in the middle of nowhere. Maybe there's a 200 foot drop and there's mountains surrounding you with trees and you feel like you're just completely surrounded by nature. and they show you this video and they sort of like surrounding and the person's like and I'm like, "Wow, this looks unbelievable. You're alone with only nature around you, miles and miles around you." I said, "This is incredible." And why is it called Devil's Bridge? I'm not again I think cuz it looks like a bridge. Why is it called Devil's? I guess I guess like if you fall off then you meet him, I guess. So anyhow, so I told my wife, I said, "We have to go. We have to go to Del Bridge." She like, "Oh, you saw." I said, "Yeah, look. Look, it looks spectacular." So sure enough, one day we had on the plan, we go to Del Bridge. So we get there and we get to the place. They said, "No, no, you have to walk up the mountain for 2 hours." Said, "Two hours? Is it cold? Is it hot?" I said, "Depends where halfway up it's hot, then it's cold. I said, "Okay, it's worth it." And we're walking. We're halfway up. I tell my wife like, "I can't believe we're doing this." I said, "It's better be unbelievable. Like, it's going to be someplace, perfect place by ourselves. It's going to be some We sit standing there for an hour just calm in my brain." And we keep climbing. We keep climbing. Finally, we get to the top. And there's 200 people up there. 200 Japanese people yapping away. I was like, "One second, how how does this work?" He said, "Yeah, there's a line of people to get on Devil's Bridge." I said, "What happens?" The line maybe takes 2 hours. We already took 2 hours. 2 hours. You go walk on the bridge. You take a selfie like this. Like this. and you get off because there's another Japanese guy waiting. I said, "Are you serious? I climbed two hours to wait online for 2 hours with a bunch of people from some random country to stand on this devil's bridge for 10 seconds, take a fake picture, MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I'M STANDING BY MYSELF. In the meantime, H HALF OF ASIA IS RIGHT BEHIND ME." I told my wife, I said, "We're out of here." She said, "What do you mean?" We walked through. I said, "I don't need some fake picture that makes it look like my life is perfect when it's when there's 200 Japanese guys right outside the picture." By the nothing Japanese at all. I just any any person that was up there. I was like, "What?" I said, "It's unbelievable. This in reality is so much is so not what they made it look like in the picture. I I for a few days I thought this is the ultimate. It's so not true. It's so not WHAT THE PICTURE SAYS IT IS. And the same thing is true about your neighbor's lawn and about your neighbor's car and your neighbor's pool and your neighbor's son-in-law. It's the same thing. It's all completely exaggerated by the picture. It's all completely made up in your head. It's not there. It doesn't exist. It's nowhere near what it looks like. I'll take a much more common thing. Disneyland. If you ever see a little picture or video of Disneyland, it looks like the happiest place on earth. It doesn't say with three-hour lines that you're going to go to four rides in a day. Each ride 6 minutes and the line is 2 and 1/2 hours. Doesn't tell you that. Well, that's your neighbor's house is Disneyland. The other neighbor's house is Devil's Bridge. Now, I don't know which is which. It's some figment of your imagination. Like the rabbi said before, look at your own lawn and start to water it and what am I gaining from it? You might say, "But I'm dealing with an epic challenge." That means you're gaining something from this epic challenge. Embrace the challenge. I'll give you a little personal example. I don't know if I should say it or not, but I'll say it. So, I had a long year this year during this winter working on a project. And in the middle while we working on the project, a few people went to a very prominent rabbi in the Syrian community and got him to say something against me or against what I'm not against me, but against what I'm doing with the project. And it was what's the word again? >> Say the word. >> Better. So I I felt like a bet. And and and and I and what was crazy about it is like what they told the rabbi really wasn't true. and and the rabbi was all which just I don't have to get into details and I was really doing the opposite. I was doing a good thing and helping people and one day I walked to sh and the whole time I kind of said so I just got to get out of this like someone's got to go talk to this rabbi and end this and just I can't believe that I'm dealing with this. It doesn't make any sense. And then one Shabbat morning, I walked to Shaw. My house is 20 minutes away from my shaw. And I was walking alone, I was walking to a shore and I said, "You know what? I like to sometimes have something to think about." I left my house. I said, "Joey, right now this walk, I'm going to think about what does Hashem want from me with this story? Why is Hashem making it that I have to deal with this challenge? It doesn't make any sense why I have to deal with the challenge." By the time I got to sh I had five reasons why this is great. Five reasons why the fact that it's being said that I'm doing something wrong is great. And all a sudden I realized THAT ACCUSATION IS PART OF MY BACK. It's part of my everything. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. I need you right now to think about your life and think about the things that you don't want to tell the person next to you. You're thinking about the things that someone else has that you don't have that noise at you that bothers you that you don't EVEN TELL YOUR SPOUSE IT bothers you. Those things think about it and then START TO IDENTIFY WHY DO I need to have this? Why do I need to have this house? Why do I need to have this limitation? Why do I need to have this strength? Why do I need to have this? Why is this part Why is this great? Why is this part of my everything? By the way, I literally live this problem that we're talking about. I'll give you another example. So, I'm in Brooklyn in the winter and deal in the summer. I'll tell you the truth. I think my house at deal is wonderful. It's a wonderful house. I can't believe we were a able to get this house. I still can't believe Hashem allowed us to buy this house. I love the property. I love the location. I love the house. I think the house is wonderful. I can't wait to go back home tonight. Love the house until I leave the house and walk down the block and I start to see other people's houses and all of a sudden my house really feels pett. What are the words? >> Did I say it right? Betto b. >> Doesn't matter. As long as I start with a B, that's the word I mean. >> I really mean it. I look at my house and I'm like, this guy's got a house on the ocean. This person has a house with a million dollar cabana. This person had a beautiful house and rebuilt it. Anyhow, this person has 12 rooms. Now, if you've ever been in deal, New Jersey, somebody's houses are unsafe. And I love my house until I go down the block. And once I go down the block, that's nothing other people's houses. My job is to say, "No, no, my house is perfect for me. If I was in a bigger house, I'd be obsessed with money. I'd be obsessed with how sharp, beautiful it is." I said, "It doesn't want me obsessed with how it doesn't want me obsessed with the house." Say, "Put me in this house. THIS IS MY EVERYTHING. IF I WAS IN THAT HOUSE, I would not have everything. This is Abraham possessed at a difficult point in his life. He understood that this was his everything. What's interesting is that at the end of Abraham's life, he gave gifts to all his children. He had many children, Ishmael and many others from and he gave every single one of them gifts. And then he gave a shalom and he gave everything to the is and the is this if you gave everyone else gifts how can you give everything the answer is he didn't give me physically everything he gave this incredible mid that what I have is everything and sure enough years later when was going to bless his sons and he wanted to bless and he ended blessing. And then comes in and says, "Eat my meat." Is said no because I ate mikah. I ate everything. I'm satisfied. This is his darkest moment of his life. It's a moment where he realizes he mixed up his sons. It's a moment where he thinks for a minute he gave the blessing maybe to the wrong one or the right one. It's a moment WHERE HE REALIZES THAT DOESN'T DESERVE it is the darkest moment of his whole life. He's blind and his WHOLE FAMILY IS UPSIDE DOWN. At that moment, he said, "I have the mid my father. I have k because I ate me." years later, would meet Yakov and Yakov would give gifts and would say, "I have a lot." You know what a lot means? I have a lot, but I could always use a little more. Says, "No, no, keep the gifts." I have the blessing of my father. I have the blessing of my grandfather. I have everything. This attitude is the way you the way you water your grass. This attitude is you don't water your grass by saying it's okay that I have a small patch of grass. It's okay that I'm the only one that's single and all my friends are married. It's okay that everyone else's kids are doing better than mine. It's okay that I have the ugliest car on the block. No, not it's okay and I'm gonna be satisfied. No, look at it and say this is what I need. I need to be single right now. I need to have a child that's challenging right now. THERE'S A BLESSING in this. There's a purpose in this. There's a reason for this. There's a greatness in this. This is my everything. IF I DIDN'T HAVE THIS CHALLENGE, I WOULD BE MISSING. Ladies and gentlemen, there's no other attitude to have because or else you'll just be waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. But if you have this attitude, then you have the most incredible blessing. You look at what you have, you look at your blessing, you look at even what you're missing, and you say, "This is great. This makes me smarter. This makes me work harder. This makes me grow. This makes me work on my mid. This makes me change. This makes me get closer to Hashem. This makes me achieve my greatness. This is who I am supposed to be. This this Mona Lisa THAT I DON'T EXACTLY SEE THE BEAUTY IN ITS ART. THAT'S WHERE I NEED TO FIND BEAUTY RIGHT INSIDE OF ME RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE HAPPINESS is not some destination. Happiness is a decision. It's a decision that I am going to be happy and I going to be content and I going to be great today. Right now where I am, THIS IS GREAT. NOT ONCE. NOT ONCE. NO, NO, NO. NOW, where I am, this is my everything for today. There's a greatness in this problem. There's a greatness in not having this. There's a greatness in having that. And no greater blessing in the world. No greater blessing in the world. You know we say and in our mazone we say a bunch of harakams. I don't know if I'm going to find it here or not. My everything right now is to not find it. Good. We say, "Hashem should heal us. Hashem should give us different things." And then one of the last ones we say is this. like our forefathers will bless Abraham Miko refers to Abraham refers to that says he ate and refers to Mikan. That's the blessing that's complete. You think the blessing that's complete is when your income is exactly where you want it to be. You think your blessing that's complete is when all your children are married. You think your blessing that's complete is when your marriage IS EXACTLY PERFECT. YOU THINK YOUR BLESSING that's complete is when you HAVE MORE THAN EVERYBODY you know. That's not complete. Complete is when you have the mid of Abraham. Blessing is complete when you make a decision that right where I am is everything I need in my life. Because if you can make that decision, you'll realize that being a senior in high school with a few months left, there's nothing more fun in the world. School is almost over. This is a ball. The summer after you graduate is such a free you just you made that high school. It's so great. Getting on a plane to go edit to learn for a year. You're the luckiest person on the planet. You're going to have a year of learning to you're going to spend away from home. You're going to gain independence. You're going to gain some strength. You're going to have different EXPERIENCES THAT ARE NOT THE SAME AS YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S COOKING EVERY YEAR. THIS IS PHENOMENAL. YOU'RE IN THE ISRAEL IN THE middle of the winter and you're able to not think about anything else other than learning Torah. YOU MAY NOT HAVE ANOTHER better year in your life. Now you're home from Pak and you're a little more mature and you're a little more learned and your family gets to see you. There's nothing more beautiful. Now you get started in college and you start to grow and you start to see what your interests are and maybe see how you could one day contribute to the world and then all of a sudden you get your first job and you get your first paycheck and you're like wow I did something this week that someone would pay me for. That's there's nothing more exciting. And then all of a sudden you're doing well in the company and they give you a raise. There's wow, there's so much pride. There's nothing more exhilarating than starting to date the wonderful Jewish girls and realize that there's so many wonderful options out there. And then all of a sudden one day you're sitting across the steak and it gets cold and you barely ate it because you just realized this is the one. The person I'm sitting with is the one I'm going to marry. There's nothing more beautiful in that moment. Getting engaged before anything else happens. Engagement is so exciting. There's fanfare. There's people. They're rooting for you. They're behind you. There's nothing more wonderful than coming home from learning or from work and seeing your spouse and having a conversation and and yes, she gets a little emotional and you learn a little bit more about her. There's nothing more wonderful than taking the test and you say your husband walks in the room and you say, "Honey, we're expecting." There's nothing more exciting than a little baby being born and realizing, yeah, she has 10 fingers and 10 toes and she's ours. And there's nothing more important than waking up at 3:00 in the morning to put that baby to sleep. And there's nothing more wonderful than having the chance to put that little baby's hand in yours and walk her to school for the first day. If you understand that happiness is not a destination, but it's a decision, you realize that when three little kids are running around your house and getting called from the school cuz one of them needs to work on their gross motor skills, you're like, "Wow, those kids need me." And then when another child, one of your kids is having trouble socially and you sit them down and have that conversation on a Friday night, the edge of the couch and say, "Let me tell you how to talk to a friend." There's nothing more uplifting. And then when all of a sudden you decide, you know what? I think I'm going to go out on my own. I'll start my own business. And it's going to be rough for a little bit, but maybe we could do even better. And all a sudden, you start to see it starting to work. like, "Wow, I could do this." And there's nothing more beautiful than sitting at a Shabbat table with three son-in-laws that are half talking, half disagreeing, half fighting, but they're at your table. There's nothing more wonderful in the world than all of a sudden having grandchildren running around your house and pass. And there's nothing more exciting telling your wife, honey, one of our grandchildren is going to pick us up from the airport when we come back from Florida for Pesa. And you know what? There's nothing more powerful in the world than sitting next to your wife for 40 or 50 years and telling her, you know what? We're going to wait for the biopsy together. And whatever the results are, we're going to get through it together. Just like we have for the last 50 years, we're going to get through this together, too. Happiness is not some far out land. Happiness is not some place you can't wait to get to. Satisfaction is not some destination that you're waiting for. That if I have my brother, my neighbor's property, and if I have my cousin's house, and if I have my friend's kids, then that's when I'm going to be good. Happiness happens when you realize that the question is not why, not me. The question is why did Hashem give all of this to me? Because where I am right now in my life, I want to tell myself no matter what happens tomorrow, right now today, I have what Abraham had or had call that I have everything. Yes. Thank you.