Rabbi Fischel Schachter speech at Scheiner's Shul - Teshuva: You can still catch the boat

Okay, if you want to consider it a very big I'll tell you an interesting thing. I've heard so much about this makim kadesh about this I don't know it's like the midbar the oil I don't not sure exactly how to oil of rum whatever you want to call it trying to look at the official name but it changes every second on the on the thing so I'm not sure but you know how it is when you hear about something and you never there you try to imagine it and then when you see it You say, "Oh, this is totally not what what I imagined." It's like when you speak to someone, you never saw him face to face. And then suddenly you meet him and you go, "Whoa, you don't say it, but like your your facial expressions kind of conveys it. I kind of think you look like this." Right? So, I want to tell you, I've heard so much about so many people that were helped over here and so many people that made this part of their lives. And I got to tell you, this is exactly what I imagined. There are no surprises. It's it's just interesting because it it's so unique and it's so it like I think it represents real matsas of gullis. This is what we're supposed to be in gullus. We're not supposed to be in houses. We're supposed to be intents. Right? That's it. We're this is supposed to be a we're supposed to be in a temporary setting until the gula comes. And the more we dig in and we build fortresses for ourselves, then the more that has the problem of sending aim to remind us that we're in a temporary setting. But why have to go through all that problem? We're we're in a temporary setting. But it shows you how a temporary setting can be so warm and can be so gush and can be so inviting and can be mamish like an oil of Ramadina. So, it's a it's a tremendous uh to be here and I thank thank everyone for giving me the So, they say that you know there's the UN conference going on now in uh Manhattan and after the one night I can't vouch for the authenticity of this story but they say that one night um a bunch of people from different backgrounds got together posture to get to know each other and uh they made up they're going to sit down. Everyone's going to bring their thing. And uh there was an Italian gentleman. He brought spaghetti, pasta, a good whatever. And uh there was a French gentleman. He brought wine also. I don't know that worked out, but whatever. There was someone from Switzerland. He brought chocolate. There was a a man from China. He brought rice. And then there was aid that came and he brought the host. want everyone else to join him. I think that's a cl is we look at a tent the mile of the tent as opposed to a house in a way a little bit that's what a suka is is that it's very easy ext expandable it opens up for the need um y told me a story that uh he was in Oman and he had the pleasure of standing 7 hours in the sun waiting for two border guards processing 50,000 people or whatever it was and uh there was a whole balagon with the flights and as you know I don't know I don't know exact details I'm just repeating you know hears say what I said but this is what he was telling me that he was on a flight and delay after delay after delay after delay and then they realized that the plane would come in right before shabas or mom is shabas and they didn't let you off the plane at that point and communication was difficult the phone calls were difficult And the people, you know, they're mazic each other and they were in Oman, you know, supposed to get uh supposed to carry you through the impossible in difficult situations. Alai said they did get word to ask on him and there was a plan and the plan was at least for the flight that landed in JFK that they were processed immediately that the customs people were there said they accommodated and there were buses driven by non-Jews because Jews can no longer drive Shabas before they got sacked before 72 they could still do it but there were people from all over and people from Kas and Bloomingberg and Muny and everybody was brought to Williamsburg where everything started. Every everyone was brought to Williamsburg and there was a plan and they set up this plan immediately fast. There was one hall that was rented and someone paid for 200 people catered for Shabas and another hall they set up Kats for everyone. And what this person told me is that there were almost nobody that stayed by the cats and almost no one that ate from the hall. And the reason is because when the buses pulled up was [Music] just families from all over came running to the buses and invited people for shabas and told them what are you going to sleep in the hall? You going to sleep in a cat? You going to sleep in the dormatory? Come to me. Come to me. and almost everybody was taken. And I'm thinking about it, go explain that. He said the only reason people actually came to these halls doesn't take away from the mitzvah, the people that were messelves to set up the these halls a record time and there were people that had enough of it, but people came there because the suitcases arrived there and they came there to change their clothes. But otherwise, everyone returned to their hosts. And I just try to explain this to anybody. Try to explain what kalisro is. Try to explain that you're going to have like families and families and families running out to buses for the most part meeting people that you never saw in your life, but you heard they're stuck. They're coming in on Shabas. They need a place to be and that's it. And everyone is accommodated for I don't think it's a musk that could possibly be explained. You know him your cousin. Do you all pay membership to the same? Did you go to college together? Did you belong to the same club? Did you demonstrate together? That was created because demonstrations create a right. No. No. But we were all by you all stood there. I I think it's an awesome an awesome thought and I want to try to maybe dwell on it a little bit. So say is whether it was for a person to be created or not saying that's how we pass we were better off not being created which is a tremendous no is we were better off not being created somebody once went over to someone and said you know yes I wish you were around in the times of he said really why cuz then you wouldn't be here now like like what what kind So the mash says because there more than there are so there's a greater chance that we make mistakes there's a greater there's a greater chance of us doing the wrong thing than doing the right thing. So how why did they wish to create such a world where it's and why would create us if the gumar says clearly we would been better off not being created. The gur says in y that when the garra says it doesn't refer to the first time we're created. We were all created. The whole world was created on the day of Msa Bacius. And I've said this story many times. I always say I don't speak to the camera. I speak to the people. When I purchased, well, I thought I was buying my house. I thought I was buying my house. I was living in a one-bedroom apartment with I don't know six kids, I think, in an apartment house. And Barash, it was great. It was the was great. It was wonderful. But it's tough when you have one kid sleeping in the fleshing sink, one kid in the milking sink, one in the parvisink and two in the bathtub. It was a difficult situation and I was recording stories at night and it was we had guests and it was yamik and I was desperately looking for to buy a place and mind you we're going back well you'll soon hear from the numbers how far back we're going. We're going back about 40 years and I actually found a house. I actually found a house and it was for $180,000 in Barak which is today you can probably get a doorork knob for that. Not the professional, not the custommade ones, the standard ones. But I found it. I was very excited about it and very naive about it cuz I was telling everyone that was buying it. And there was an Italian gentleman that was selling the house and we were mamaish best friends and and we we we we signed the binder and then it was time to come to the contract and I came to the contract and I had an attorney and his attorney was there but Tony who was selling me the house was not there. And my lawyer said to his lawyer, "Where's your client?" And he's like, "I don't know." So he picks up the phone. The phone, I mean, the phone that was connected to a wire. He used to have phones connected to a wire. That's so it used to be. Um, yes, believe it or not, I still remember a time there were no cell phones, no kosher phones, no non, there were no cell phones. There also no home computers. You know what that meant? Say what the used to say. He would said it meant when you made a oven in the morning it was not a that's what it meant. So he says my client wants to talk to you and I'm saying hi Tony we're all excited you should come to the contract to sell my house what's happening and he says Mr. Shaker, there's a problem. I knew I knew there's a problem because until then we were on a firstname basis. He called me fel and I said what's what's the matter? He says I'll get straight to the point. Okay. He says someone offered me another $20,000 for the house. I was like I want to tell you something. Okay. I borrowed money from every single one of my cousins. I created new cousins. I extended cousins. I reertent to find out who's a card who's possible ais. like, you know, till I put together the money for the down payment and he's throwing another $20,000. I was like in shock. And I said to him, but but but Tony, I said, we signed a binder. And he told me that a binder is non-binding. So why is it called a binder? Why is the Brooklyn Expressway called an expressway? So I said to him, "It's not ethical. We we have an agreement." He said, "Ethics?" He got very upset. Wasn't in the mood of hearing muser. He said, "Don't tell me ethics." Okay. Don't tell me ethics. It was one of you guys. Wasn't sure really what the argument was because it was one of my guys. Therefore, there's no Shiloh about ethics. But he described to me who this seeing man was that knocked on the door. And I had a feeling I knew who it was. And that morning in Shul, I very naively was telling everyone in Shul about, you know, the house I was buying and where I was buying and what I was buying and who I was buying. And this person was listening. And he knocked on Tony's door and said, "I'll give you another 20,000. I'll sell it to this guy." And I called him up and I said, "How you talking?" And he said, "Too bad." And I said to him, you know what about some he says I drink, you know, you have your so I went to av looked at me and you as what's your basis on a I said that means if a poor person is like struggling with hot cookie and he throws it up in the air. That's the motion. Someone else shouldn't grab it away from him. He says, "You're an oni." I said, "We're all an I mean like he said, I maybe you want to try, you could try, but I I wouldn't recommend this." I wasn't sure. So, I went to the rev and I I told him this story. He said, "Okay." Okay. What? Okay. So, it's not your house. But but it was my house. No, it wasn't your house. If it was your house, somebody else would go home for $20,000 more. Is this is not your house? I said to him, "But you think I should take him to the He looked at me and he said, "How old are you?" I hate when people do that. You want to tell me something? Don't Don't tell me how old like, you know, I thought, "Are you a baby?" That's not what he meant. So I I told him how old I was. I don't know, was in my 20s then. It was like last week, two weeks ago, a little more. So he said to me, "Let me tell you how old you really were." Okay? So I don't know what year it was, but let's say it was uh tough. So he said that you're really um 5,766 years old. You're tough years old. So I was a little surprised that I was 5,766 years old. I I was wondering why my back hurts me and of course I was thinking like a Jew. I said I could have been collecting social security for 5,000 5 years where was I you know so I said what does mean? So he said I want to tell you something all the in the world all the nish in the world were created on day number one of my gracious said every single nishama the entire of the entire world the entire bria that was ever born that is living today that will be born until Mashiach comes until the time was all created the day number one. So I said so but but but some people were bornish and k and he some people were born of ramu's time some people mashu's time some people the ramb's time she said without getting into the Indian of gilgal with pashis they had a plan when when all namas should be by hari so all the shamas were brought together and we were very definitively we're told clearly what each but the same is for the entire world is the plan when everyone has to be born and he showed me the dashem says that Ganed is divided into three the first of is a waiting room and it is a very gishmaka waiting room it's it's in down here in this world there's no real sim there is no real sim you get a brand new car until someone scratches it right that ss a thousand times more there's no real sim in this doesn't really this Marvin Marba that's how it goes I had a car finally leased a car lot of legends on my Astro that landed lasted many many years I finally leased the car I had it 3 years ended the 3 years it was in the middle of co they told me it's very expensive to renew the lease and the person I was working with said you're much better off just buying the car to buy the car me a three-year-old car doesn't pass it's too I 10 if I buy it's a 10 10 years and up you know he said no no no buy the car you're paying payments will be more or less the same. There's not going to be the payments aren't going to be that much uh that much different. He said only is you won't get a new car every 3 years. Okay, fail. But cuz you lease now a new car is going to be very expensive. So I said, "Okay, how do I buy the car?" He said, "Nothing. Signed his paper." So I whatever sign the paper, whatever. Fine. Bought the car and now it's my car. My wife was waiting outside and I got into the car and as I got into the car I said, "Who made that scratch in the back?" "What scratch?" "No, no, no, no. Ne near the back." I as I were getting in, I noticed this tiny dent. She was there all the time. It was We start the engine. I started going, "What's that noise?" And I pressed the brake. "What's that squeak?" She goes, "What happened?" I Why are you so nervous? No, I think the transmission I think it hesitated for a second when I put it in. What did you just do? I said, "I bought the car." sky said this squeak was there the noise was there the crack was there for three years it didn't bother you didn't even recognize it to buy the car all of a sudden I bought the car you know Marvin there's no real s on this one and there's no real cover on this world every every amount of cover trust me I've been on both ends of the thing for every amount of cover you get you get an equal amount of there's no there's no it doesn't uh there's no real on this world lasts for two seconds and you pay a price worth in there's real sim the brisk said little children you see them happy they have real sim just happy for the sake of being happy why cuz they're it's not so long that they've been inhabit so they still feel they feel uh so he says we're when the shamas were created on day one of myas we're in the first of a three segment of ganed and basically it's like a waiting room and it's just don't explain sim It's a light. We don't even we don't even what that is. No diggers, no worries. There's one thing they do worry about in this. It's like the waiting room of a dentist. You know, you sit there and everything. The kid comes to the dentist. The first time Uncle Moy videos and this fish tank and coloring books and toys and stickers. Why did his brother scare him about a dentist until the dentist calls him? And the waiting room is very shamas are scared of only one thing. The door opens up and this is just for illustrative purposes. Malik comes in and the Malik has a white coat and the has a clipboard and everyone is like no no no what what goes to come here me? Yes. Sorry to tell you what I have to tell you. You're going to be born. No, no, no, no, no. And starts to cry. And says that the fear of being born is greater than the fear of death. The fear of death is for the most part is the fear of the unknown. The fear of being born is that the sha knows what's what the stakes are down here in Shay. And it's like and people run over and faints. I don't know what happened. They run over. They say, you know, you'll make it through. What should we do? You're going to be born. And then cries and pleads and begs I didn't ask for this. I'm very happy to stay here. And is brought to the says I'm putting together like a picture and says listen there's there's there's there's a system over here and every single one is we all have a role in this world and if we wouldn't be here then there wouldn't have been a mountain needed everyone there by mountain Tyra till Msiah comes and everyone was assigned their role if we wouldn't have had there, we wouldn't be here. The whole thing wouldn't have worked. It's a set. There's even a muscle. You pull out a branch of a tree, he pulls out a branch of a tree, and the whole tree crashes down. You want the whole tree to crash. You have to be born. You have to be born. You have to go through what you have to go through. That's it. You're going to be born. Says, "See the shank. Whoa. A lot of biographies. Really don't like biographies so much. Take out that one. No, no, that one. the one before the story of me. There's a story of me. Yeah. There's a there's there's there's a migill for every single person in this world. Story of me. Whoa. Open it up. They open up the first page and I see a whole tree, a whole from Harina until Msiah. And there's a circle. You are here. Okay. And turn the page lighter and I see uh oh, such a cute baby. Wow. my upshare and it was so cute. What's that's my and here I am sitting by the manau's office. Let me turn this page quickly and ah is my braitzvah. Yeah. Keep turning the pages. My Yeah, that's that's my sugar. Yeah. Okay. Turn the page. Yeah. And you keep turning pages and turning pages and turning pages and some pages are white and some pages shine. Some pages seem black and some pages seem gray. Some pages seem cloudy. Some pages seem clear. Some pages even seem empty. That's fra whatever you deal. And I'm turning the pages. I'm up to page 120. And I say, "Who's that cute old man walking over there?" Zida, who is that? Me? Oh, that's me. Yeah. And that building, my nursing home. Uhhuh. Okay. Yeah. It says listen what about the empty pages certain things I can't tell you but there's there's whatever there is okay says you have to be born and you have to go through what you have to go through certain things are in that safer says is not just who you marry it's every person you have meaningful connection with a mundane connection with any person you beat everything is but very very clear the says the midrashian say desire says very very clear it says I have my's father told me a story he lived in the Bronx he was by the was and he went over to said he wants to buy a house in barak and theb looked at his he said don't buy that house because it's not your house. He says it's not on your the plane. There wasn't that house. Your house is a few blocks away. Lam say never bought it because he had in hisb and they live in the ranks who knew him right and l somebody else bought the house and that person had sorus muras because the one who sold it to him didn't have the deed. It was in court many many years and he wound up moving to Lakewood and he came back to a house a few weeks a few every year. So said I'm not telling you but I'm telling you if if he offered more money this is not your house what do you think what king of cup so I said okay is nish so the house is not mine and I found my house a couple of we a couple of years later it was for 250,000 which is enough to buy two doorork knobs the back door knob and the front door knob today and I had a stickle you know my was not to have a tina that I spent another third. I was sure that there would be a story book ending to the story. The man who my house is going to go in the first time he opens the boiler kaboom you know but never happened boiler was good. I will say that I had something which you can't buy and it's not in the real estate manual and it's really that I had very very good neighbors that were a very very good influence on my children. know my children were a good influence on them and that's worth all the money in the world and glad that the person that did buy my house had an issue with one of the children that was based on I don't want to get into it. So the point is that we're here but we're not here only for the first you know I do stories and people sometimes ask me you use what is your what program do you use for sound effects I said I don't use program no you have sometimes sound effects sound effects I said herps zento told me how to do the sound effects we do it I don't know he says well I hear lightning and thunder you secret. That's how I do my sound effects. You know what I mean? Lightning and thunder. And if you take a if you want it to rain, if you take a piece of plastic, you know, even a piece of paper, you know, it's storming. The rain was coming down in buckets. It's works, you know. I have a whole bunch of them. So I do and I'm doing um and I'm doing I said I'm in a little room. I have an office in the I somebody wanted me to do a story about his za his Siberian prison camp and I said okay I needed to be quiet then needed to be quiet then and um I'm going to wait for Friday afternoon the kids. Thank you very much. I need the kids to be home from Kaida and then it'll be okay. So I Friday afternoon I'm about to start the story and my masle is that my room is right next to the bathroom and all of a sudden I hear zetsing and banging such zetsing and such banging you can't imagine and there's two Russian plumbers and they're screaming at each other banging away what do you want from me so I called the manager and I said what are you doing to me and the manager says the manager says what what what do you want me to do when kids are there. And I sat back and I was a little dejected at first and then I said to myself, you know what? Practice what you preach. Says every problem that we think is a problem is really the solution is really the Yeshua. And we're going to come up after 120. We're going to see that there was a reason we had to suffer. But the suffering was the Yeshua. And if you really ming your z to see it on this world and suddenly it hit me like a light bulb telling a story about a person in a severe prison camp that's himself. So it was like and I'm saying they said to him I'm not going to work on shabas and they opened up the door and you hear this zetting and this guy screaming in Russia your was perfect. It was like people said to me afterwards you hire actors. [Music] I said no you didn't you didn't hire actors. No theam sent them to me. That's all. I said listen listen listen to your life. Listen to the in your life and you'll hear that you'll see. So how do you mix the tracks? I don't mix tracks. I don't know the mixing tracks. So let's get back to our sh. So says the doesn't go on the person the first time a person was created. Of course, we had to be created cuz there's a master plan to the world and everybody in the world had to be created. But never means we come up after 120. And we say, "Ah, yeah, yeah, I didn't do what I was supposed to do." And we say, "I told you I don't want to go down." Said, "I told you you have to go down. I'm going to send you down again hopefully to be in it. But but because most of the time we're not messing it. Most of the time we blow it. Most of the time coming down for Gilgal is like starting a diet again. It doesn't work. The person said, "I made up this summer. I'm going to lose 20 pounds." What happened? Because I have 40 more to go. >> Doesn't work. So why is sending us down again? Why is the banish doing it to us if most of the time it doesn't work? Why does the divash send us down again and again? And the answer is that by normal accounting standards, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. But not everything works with normal standards. Not everything works with normal standard. The person that said he applied for a job in a bank, he said, "What job? What experience do you have?" Because my father was an accountant. Really? Let's hear you. How much is 4 plus 4? He says, "26." He says, "You want us to believe your father was an accountant?" He says, he says 4 + 4 is 26. You know math. He says you don't know my father. He says that's the way he was. Not by normal accounting standards. If would put our mitzvah on one side of the scale and our on the other side of the scale, we would be in big trouble. Besides that says that the way doesn't count the weighs and the knows everyone's and the knows exactly who it is and how it is. The garb says tinus of other sheep is there was a different tal but of was walking and he felt very good about himself and he saw this ugly person this despicable ugly horrific looking person and he went over to him and said I never saw someone so ugly like you which is a nice thing to say to somebody and the man said go to the um go to the craftsman that created me so he asked him and he followed him and they followed him and they came to a big town everyone came out to and they he said why are you all honoring him he said he asked him for he asked him to was that came to test him why would say to someone you're ugly so my father used to shadic I never found it inside but says he didn't mean ugly physically ugly he saw on him is a and he said to him ugly nam is ugly Hey, I was so what was his what was his answer? Go to the craftsman who created me. And the answer is he said maybe you can see my aes you can't see my only knows what kind of I have whether I'm ugly or not that only one knows cuz he knows the battles that I have the battles that I have for the battles that I have to so we don't know that. So when the says that's according to basic standards but the measures us differently says means to turn sometimes we turn away from one in our life and that's why our whole life was here and particularly when we want something we want something to be done and we turn away from our plan we say that doesn't want this and it's very hard to turn away from your plan. It's very hard if we have our aspirations in life and we had our dreams of what a marriage should look like or what how children would respect us and things don't work out the way we want and we say it's good for you it's good for me and then in that weighs so heavily on the mitzvah side and the begin to argue it's not fair we're doing the accounting and says no you have you don't understand this you have no understand you you have no shas to this you can't Understand live with perfection. They're not off by a split second. They're flying from one side of the world in a split second. They say the famous David Salvik that this bak said he wants to leave a week before Bay. Why do you have to leave a week before Bay? So he said, you know, he's not the best. wants to be able to do a he doesn't do a shik right away and he wants to do it early because he wants to make it back in time because he wants he's hoping he can still get married before so he could start this man time of so told him so when are you leaving he said only next Monday says go on Friday he says why cuz this the way you're planning could be your your first bris will come out on Shabas you're not supposed to plan a bris on Shabas cuz you have it all figured out you know exactly how it's going to So leave earlier so the bris will be Friday like you know what's going to be getting married having kids you know we don't know but knows and the person that took out uh say yaka that he took out his quarter and he threw it on the floor they said what are you doing the gap is always here with the pushka at 5 minutes after date he's not here it doesn't make I put it there I I am there there are a lot of times in life we have plans for our life and our social pressures create when our kids are going to become and when they're going to have their first children and when they're going to buy their first house and it doesn't always work according to our plan and we have dreams of what our children would like to be and children have dreams of what their parents and it doesn't always work and it takes a tremendous amount of to say it's not going the way I want but this is the way you want it and many times we would love to have a mahal but we don't have a mahal where I'm going in life So when when the Nazis were coming in they said Rabbi should we run should we not run so he said the argument to run was presented the argument not to run was presented sobb said so then was staying here the got very readed said a fascinating he said if the ala do nothing that's not by default because you don't know what to do so you may as well stay no it means the pasan's out that there's no answer there's no answer stay where you That's a that's a that's a wants us to be in a mat now where I don't know what tomorrow is going to be. All the plans we had from the day we were born our parents are all turned over now in this war and we don't know the wants us not to know. This is what we are supposed to know. It's not a default. It's not in a vacuum. It's not in a void. through the gazak when the Nazis came into communist they didn't any of the communist nothing there it's fascinating the once said on this he a so clear this is what wants it's not Nazis it's not any it's not anyone there's one um I like I've been sharing the story a lot I know the people that have been watching me heard it a lot but I just I just feel like saying it again and again cuz It means so much. I I lost a neighbor this month. His name was came to uh he was together with Vincian Goldman in I think and they came together penniless and Goldman sent a niggan to his kala because he had no money. So he sent the niggan to his presence and the was99 right the whole world sings you know these things that come see but was the happiest person they ever knew he was just he was a bus driver no he was not a bus driver he drove a bus drove a bus for baba for like 40 years and he used to say my job my job is to smile my job is that when the kids come on the bus, the picture of the day should be a smile. The Muhammad can't always smile. The man can't always smile. I could start their day off with a smile. That's how he lived his life. But this to me is such I once was walking on the street and there were three buses one next to the other. It was a typical bar double parked car screaming, yelling, humping, everything is stuck, everything gridlocked. And he's in the middle bus. There's a bus in front of him, a bus behind him, and he's has a big till on his driving on on his steering wheel. He's smiling. I said, "What? Why are you smiling?" He says, "Anyone's honking, screaming." Said, "If I hunk, it's going to make a difference." He said, "I look at it this way." Somewhere on these barak streets, there is a ying vibel whose husband is in Ko. She teaches in high school in the morning. She does private tutoring in the afternoon. By lunch, she runs to pick up the baby at the babysitter. She runs home, waits for her kindergarten kid to come off the bus, takes them both to her mother-in-law, then runs back to a tutoring job. And she's running late today. And if she's not home on time and the school bus gets there, there's no one to pick up the kid. School takes the kid back to the she has no way of picking up the kid back from the and you get ups while you weren't there. And she's running and she's running and she's running. She says, "Punish, please don't I please don't let me miss the bus." And you see all this fa the double park cars and the screaming and the yelling and the honking that is answering her. I should beat that. Imagine if we lived our lives this way. Imagine we lived our lives this way with that level of a with that level of who we are. So used to say the story used to say it from the he was a town of the some say it with the once they saw him he was going he was going up to he was and a different world came back down they asked him what's going on in Shayim what's happening in Shayim he said there's a big protest the shamas are saying we are not going down anymore that's it protest that's it the ICE agents are slept them down into this world. The port that they're not going. No, the sh lives matter. We're not going. We're not going. We're not going. We're not going finished. I said, "It's for your good father. We keep going down and we make it even worse. We come back down. We make it even worse. We come back down. We make it even worse. We're not going." So, what do you want? I wanted the banish to be down on us. So bas comes out from the shay from the higher and says so what do you want? They say give us one thing give us one thing that if we go through this one thing one then you have no more tus. So the said go through your whole life without once saying the word if only. If only my parents would have been different parents. If only my rebi in third grade would have not been so strict with me. If only my father would have had money. If only I wouldn't have done this. If only I would have if if if if. There's no if. Whatever is is. Doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make our lives better. Doesn't mean we can't try to fix things. But whatever is is. If you can do that even at your most trying times when you lose your house when people are honking on both sides and it comes in many different ways not just in buses and cars and the says everything else and that's the ter that's the if you go by by normal accounting standards but if you rise to the and you say I'm coming into there's so much in my life I was so hoping I wouldn't be where I am now. I was so hoping to have been someone else, somewhere else. It doesn't seem to be happening. You know what? It's not his fault. It's not Yenna's fault. This is the way it is. I don't have to understand everything. Who says I have to understand everything? I once had the pleasure to go around collecting sudok. It was one of the most special nights. We knocked on the door and uh and I showed him there's a sign that says you could only come certain hours. He said don't teach me how to do. Okay. And the door opened up and out came a man and a little kid and he said my father's not home. So said ask your father again if he's home or not. Kid comes out. Father still said he's not home. So the uncle is stuck in his head. The uncle is stuck in his head. And he said whatever the person's name was. He said, "If when you're home, you're not home. What's going to be when the day comes that you're not going to be home?" And all of a sudden, Barl showed up. Came through the chimney. Unbelievable. Whoa. And the two of them started going at each other. You can't imagine. Can't imagine killing each other. you have a coil. What are the coiling going on? They don't know anything. They don't even they can't they don't even know the sad. So Bianca didn't flinch. He said to him if I see two of the you know he says yeah which ones he goes and that you know when we're finished the time we're finished he gave him a very nice check we walked out told me he said I'm in the I was in Siberia they threw me to the polar bears. I was he says I learned one thing. The bigger the challenge the bigger the brah and he told me a story as we were driving on to the next person. He said I once came to a very fancy neighborhood and knocked on the door. They said you know have an appointment. So I told them I want to ask you something. If a fisherman goes to catch fish does he make an appointment with the fish? Of course not. But he wouldn't be here. Okay. So the uncle said and maybe I could say a few words with the he said waiting back. So they waited in the back and um they neglected to tell him that he had a swimming pool in the back and it was very dark and suddenly there was no sound effects. There was a real splash. He's filler. He says you know he's a short person and not a swim but still I never really swam in my frock in my hat. It was a little interesting and everyone came running out. They threw him the thing and they took him out. He feels so bad. They feel so that he said don't feel bad. Don't feel bad. He said I have an Indian whatever I speak by I go to the mikvah first. He said when did this mic start? He said tonight. Started tonight. He said I said a documentary. He said I'm about to put me and that's where I have to be. So he said they gave him a very big check. He asked him why are you giving me such a big check. So he told them uh we feel so bad. You fell into the pool. So he said could I jump in again? I said no no no no no. It's only when you fall in. He said to me so to me he says suras that a person does for himself I can't talk about puts you into the pool then you should know here's your then you should know here is your here's where it comes where where something else doesn't come but we don't always understand why what when how where why are we here always like to say the story says that we go for to a certain place. You think you're going there to look at a property to buy a house. You think you're going there for you think you're going there for a certain reason knows you're there for a totally different reason because we don't have the whole picture. So we're doing it because wants us to be there. So because you don't understand things. So I said I I went once on one said take your kids on a uh take your kids to a golf course. There's a golf course in all the way down in South Brooklyn. Big golf course. I said, "What's something with golf? I don't even know how it works." He hit a ball to a hole on the other. No president's plate. He says, "I I don't even have such a hat. Make America." He said, "No, no, no. When you when you rent for the golf, you go you pay by the hour and you get the the golf cart and every kid's dream is to drive the golf cart." Okay. and camp how many bkram I sent home every single year for driving the golf cart. I said, "Okay." So I went with my kids and we're there and he's like, "You get and guys, explain to me different golf cubs and the caddies and the yeah, whatever you say, shine the insurance papers." I keep asking getting the golf club, the golf cart, right? Says, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Cuz then we all the kids were walking out and I'm driving out this golf cart and I'm saying, "This guy's going to cop what I'm doing. He's going to come running. She going to this is not a park. What are you doing? Get the kids out of it." And we're driving along and the kids, can we drive? Can I can drive? No. Let me just get out there. And the guy's running after me. He's going, "Sir, sir." I said, "Here." He goes, "Here we go." He goes, "Get at it." He runs to me. He goes, "Sir." I said, "Yes." He goes, "You forgot. You forgot the golf club." I'm so sorry. Of course, I forgot the guy. I wasn't there to play golf, right? So, how many things are there in our lives that doesn't work out the way we want? And we say, "How could you do this to me?" Says, "I'm not doing anything to you. You have to have an amina while you're here. You have to have an aa. If you have an amina while you're here, then the world is different." So, I got this idea from my friend Janis, but more or less every once in a while, I like to do it. Take a sign that's full of advertisements, especially this time of the year, and read it. Not each advertisement, but read it across the width going from one ad to the other. And it's going to sign it's going to it's going to look like something like this. Four abum willing to build your suka and your self-esteem and take care of your parking tickets through losing weight one shot a day at your boss and add an additional cell phone for $22 a month for the first 12 months at the G&R summer clothing sale while cleaning your car for PES during a free consultation for tooth implants performed by Keski oneman band. Tickets available for all those to see as your teeth are being put in in the modern county. implants guaranteed first four weeks will change your shas forever. Restrictions apply makes no sense right start reading it the other way. You know this world to us makes no sense reads it the other way but the wants us at one point to say you know what it doesn't make any sense to me to me it makes no sense you know more than me just have to read it but they're all saying the same thing point says I don't get it. What's happening in my life? I don't have to get it because after 120, you're going to are going to go, "Ah, of course. I wasn't there to play golf." But the fact that we're still down here and to us it doesn't make any sense that I don't have golf clubs. What are you doing to me? And I'm saying, "You know better that erases all of our affairs." That tilts the scale by normal by normal accounting standards. It's Shall I live? But during this then the world is different and life is different. My father went into hospital Friday night whatever burnt himself. Oh sh they came remember the people came into the and I I was saying to myself who are they going to? Then they came to me and I went running out. I got into the ambulance Friday night and I was very scared and uh we we went to the burn center in Manhattan and the other people came out. They were with us a little bit in the emergency room and then they left me and I had a little bag with a box of matzas and jar of fish, little bottle of grape juice and and a doctor came out and interned and he said um your dad's not going to make it cuz see it's going to cuz we 70% burns over his body plus his age is 70 years old. There's 140% chance he's not. That's the way we work it. And he walks away. I'm like what? I I don't know. And I followed him and he's sitting by the computer. I said, "What? Can you explain to me what you just said?" He goes, "You see him having dinner now?" And I walked out and uh and my father was a bells in a different story. And the nurse came and started asking questions. He said, "Are you Jewish?" She says, "Yes. What's the difference?" Doesn't want to write on Shab. He's not answering her questions. Say, "That please." And all of a sudden they got all of a sudden you can't stay here now. You can't stay here. You can't stay here. You can't stay here. They wheeled him into a different room. I said like, I don't have where to go. That's not our problem. Out. Before I know it, there's security escorting me out of the building. I'm in Manhattan. It's Friday night. I don't know where to go. I'm not mad out of the building. I'm in the main lobby downstairs. So, I have my my little I said, "Let me make Kdish. Let me get my bearings." And I'm looking for a sink to wash. It's very hard to find a sink to wash cuz everything is electronic. And I come back and there's a homeless person. The matzah is all over him. His hands are in the fish. He goes, "Oh, I'm sorry. It's yours." He said, "No, you can have it. It's fine." And and I'm like, "This is it." You know, I I was never so alone in the world. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do for my father. I scon him. I call who am I? What? When? Where? And I I I I I sat down on the on the couch and I closed my eyes and I just started seeing all the shabas forgiving. I'm not much of a singer. I said, "But it's between you and me. What should I do?" And then I turned around. And I went back upstairs and it was a 10 10 flights up. Every couple of flights I stopped to rest and I saw a baker sitting there Friday night watching television. I don't know why I had a feeling sent me here and I just sat down next to him and this is 3:00 in the morning and he turned around and all he saw me like oh of people you know what I mean and I I didn't I didn't say anything. I just said to him you know I said you have a television in your house. No, I said me neither. So it's not fair. How come we don't have the mitzvah of not watching? You know those that's when television was the problem in those days. We don't have the mitzvah of not watching. So every once in a while gives us an opportunity to have the mitzvah. And I said why are you here? He said his mother's very not well. He says you want to learn with me a piece of your mother. Your mother my father. He didn't want to but I didn't take no for an answer. And we sat there for a minute and he went into his mother and he came back out and they told his mother such an amaz I see your your son is sitting outside saying till you you know how much he kiss you. She's looking at me to say we walked down and we had a nice conversation. I had a feeling in my heart. Okay. Yeah. And I walked up I walked upstairs. There was a different crew there. Totally different crew. And I walked in ready to be thrown out again. What should I do? And uh a doctor shows up. Dr. Finkelstein. He said he was coming back from a party and somebody called him and came by. He said, "You should know the situation with your father. It's it's stable. It's okay." He says to me, "Do you have where to stay tonight?" Said, "No. Um, not really." He said, "You know, there's apartments." I say, "I don't know where they are." He says, "I don't know either, tell you the truth." Um, he says, "Would you like to stay in my office?" Like, wow. This is from being sent out with the security to being thrown out. And I went into the office and a nurse came in with a blanket and a pillow. I didn't sleep much that night. I said, "You know what? You have to reach that moment where it looks like the world is caving in on me. The world is coming to an end. Dark curtains ascended all over. There's nothing. I'm alone in this world except you." And at that given moment, if you can sing, if you can hold out, then the world begins to open up. And whereas by normal accounting practices it should have been you become the reason that the is proud of the says says to the I created you.