Yizkor Thought - The Blessing of Remembering & The Blessing of Forgetting (Yom Kippur 5781/2020)

[Music] when i say the word memory perhaps the first thing that comes to mind is your cell phone your laptop how much memory does it have how much memory does it have left but the truth is that the human memory our capacity to remember to hold on or to let things go or to forget not by choice extraordinarily complicated the more memory our devices seem to hold the less memory we seem to be capable of losing our memory is complicated it's a curse but a perfect memory may not be such a blessing the puzzlic that we read is part of our dhawa naganyam kippur i remember i remember the loving kindness of your youth you followed me into a barren desert you followed me followed me into unchartered territories barrett's loser to a land that was not fertile that had not been planted that it wasn't blossoming on yom kippur on the day of judgment hashem looks back nostalgically on our history as a people on our relationship with him and he remembers specifically the wonderful times of our journey in the midbar in the desert the love the loyalty the embrace nostalgically recalling just how wonderful how joyful how closely we felt connected how inspirational how uplifting to look back on our history in that way but the problem is it's just not true those 40 years were filled with rebelliousness we were abstinent and stubborn we were non-compliant and non-observant those 40 years we were ungrateful and complaining yes we had moments of closeness and intimacy and greatness but those 40 years were more accurately defined by an adolescence and a rebelliousness so how can the past like how can god truthfully say i remember how blissful how wonderful it really was we're all familiar with the disease that ravages the human being alzheimer's dementia which robs us of memory among the greatest tragedies and i know there are those listening have been affected directly or indirectly to see someone who physically is healthy and yet mentally becomes incapacitated debilitated loses the ability to recognize or to hold on to memories or to be able to draw from them it is truly a painful curse painful not only for the person going through it but those around them but do you know that there's another type of decline there's another type of a mental diagnosis which some might long for but be careful what you wish for there's an illness called hyperthemesia which is the inability to forget there's only a handful of human beings on earth who have this perfect autobiographical memory mention a date in their life they could be in their 40s 50s 60s or 70s and they'll tell you what they were what the weather was and everything that was ever said directly to them now we would long for such a memory to be able to draw from torah from everything we've ever learned to have a perfect memory to be able to remember every person every experience every trip every journey it's something we think we long for but such a memory is not only a blessing it also contains a curse because it means that the person who insulted you 20 years ago the person who left you out 30 years ago the person who made the insensitive thoughtless comment 50 years ago it is as biting and acutely painful today as it was then because of that perfect memory memory is complicated we don't want to lose it but we also don't want to hold on to every part of it as perfectly as if it just happened right now perhaps what hashem is modeling for us and what on yom kippur on this holiest day of the year we are to follow ourselves is the ability to have selective memory is infinite omnipotent perfect he remembers every aspect he remembers every moment of that 40-year journey and yet he chooses he chooses to focus and only remember the joyful times the closeness the connection the obedience he chooses to remember the effort and the investment in one another and to simply let go to let go of the pain and to let go of the grudge and to let go of the parts of that journey which were hurtful likely unintentionally and likely which don't bear on the relationship as a whole we on this holiest day yom kippur are to remember the gift and the effort of memory but also the gift and the effort of forgetting of selective memory to look back at our lives and at this year the slights and the hurts and to let them go you know in this pandemic six seven months it's been complicated and difficult emotionally grueling for each and every one of us we have to be willing to give the benefit of the doubt we have to be willing to recognize that others are doing the best they can i want to ask mahila because i know and i feel and i have felt and i've been in pain each and every day that i could have done better and more to reach out to connect as large as our community is and as complicated and difficult and borderline and possible it would be to initiate with each and every person i have no doubt i could have done better and to you i asked i ask forgiveness but i ask you to not let it cloud the relationship with me personally with our community as a whole just as i look at people in our community and try to recognize that everyone's doing the best they can to not bear a grudge and to not feel that slight of the person who didn't respond to the text or the email who didn't get back or didn't wish us well on an occasion who didn't notice us passing in the street behind the mask not only to choose what we remember but to choose what we forget to employ like the almighty a selective memory of zakharti to not allow those moments which reflect only a fraction of a relationship to break or compromise or sever that relationship altogether but like the rabona shalom to employ a selective memory that not only is positive and a blessing but so is so is that capacity to forget when we look back on this pandemic time what will we choose to remember and what will we allow ourselves to forget how will it be ingrained and embedded within the memory and the consciousness of us and our children our family what will be the active memories we carry and what will we select and allow ourselves to forgive to forget and to be able to move on as we experience yom kippur and we emphasize and focus what to let go of and forget it's also important whom we remember we remember our loved ones we remember our parents and our bubbies and our zadies and our aunts and our uncles and our neighbors and friends those who selflessly devoted and dedicated themselves who paved the path who went on that journey that enabled the lives that we have today pandemic and all the blessings in our life of who we are and of how we live they we will never forget we will never selectively remember we will never move on but we choose we choose of our ancestors or those who come before and so on this yom kippur we offer machila we allow ourselves to forget what's important to forget but we never allow ourselves to fail to remember what and who are critical to remember join me join me i there are many who can't be here for yiskar in person who will recite yiskar tomorrow at home let us remember all those who pave the way for us let us continue to feel their loving embrace their hug their supportive hand on our shoulder their encouraging word in our ear let us remember let us remember over sukis their recipes their flavors their songs and theirs let them continue to inform and inspire let us continue to affirm we will always remember and we will never forget as we enter yom kippur hashem bless us may he bless us with a memory and may he bless us with the capacity to forget and forgive that which is not important wishing each and every one of you again you should be signed and sealed for a year of good health and happiness of blessings and only good things