Why Letting Go is So HARD | Living with Emunah #372

Good morning. Welcome back to living with Amuna. Sorry we're displaced today in the Friday base medish. Thanks to our winter collo taking place. They take over our other space. Uh as always we begin with gratitude. Thank you to our series sponsors of Armachir Dr. Zav and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbet and in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Alan Chanzer and generously co-sponsored the series anonymously in memory of the 33 fallen soldiers and alumni of Ben David on October 7th and during the war. This week we are highlighting Captain Ya Jakov from Malot was an officer in the NA brigades uh battalion who was killed in a building collapse caused by an explosion in Gaza on January 13, 2025. survived by his parents Hadas and Mik by four siblings remembered a devoted officer who insisted on serving on the front lines and we don't forget we remain in endless gratitude to the heroes who protect and serve our people this morning. >> [clears throat] >> is sponsored anonymously with gratitude to the amunishir in memory of Linda Geller on the occasion of the schlloim by soul in stone studio created by local BRS artist Simalasov offering hand painted remembrance stones for comfort and moments of loss and you can find it in the BRS weekly there's an ad the shabas find it online anonymously to acknowledge and thank Hashem for sending us Yeshua so we thank all of our sponsors and uh we're very very grateful for all the dedications okay we're going to begin as we always do with some emails some idea some messages practical amuna the people who put it into practice I'm sorry for those who are orient disoriented over here um and then we'll get back into the learning of there are source sheets printed copied as requested here please feel free to take or to give out so the first uh email the first email is not actually an email but I want to mention this past Shabas Rob Early our friend Robley was here And we know he lost his son Binyaman early dam one of those heroic soldiers who ran into a building and unfortunately did not come out uh who who gave his life for Amisel and Cla Israel. They started a amazing project in the north of Israel a beautiful house that provides respit physically and spiritually for those who need it. Um but why am I mentioning it? Because when Rob spoke on Shabas afternoon and told the story spoke about Binyam and spoke about how they've endured over the last two years and how they found comfort and strength he spoke about Amuna and Jen Ery who actually spoke here in our previously who was extraordinary embodiment of Amuna lest we think Rob her husband he's no second fiddle he's not secondary he too is living that example of that amuna even in the most unimaginable and hardest circumstances but why am I mentioning because he made a point that I think is so critical. It's one that we've spoken about before and it's one that we learn about. He said that they had been working on and living with amuna before the loss of their son. It was the rafu before the maka. He said, 'If you don't work on and forge your amuna, if you don't strengthen your if you don't see and feel Hashem, if you're not in a constant conversation when all is well and good and calm, it won't be there to draw from when inevitably and invariably all of us in life will face and will navigate and we'll have to overcome hardship. We hope when we die and we don't. We ask that it not be that it be minor relative to what it could be. But to be alive, have we shared as we've shared many times that if an EKG if the line is flat it means there's no life and if it goes up and down it means the patient is alive and our lives go up and down. We have moments of great joy and moments of success and moments of sim and we have moments of sorrow and moments of grief and moments of disappointment. And the fact that our life is filled with those ups and downs is itself a testament to the fact that we are alive. Because to be alive is to confront the ups and downs, the roller coaster that is life. There is no one whose life is purely linear. There are people who live as if it is. We'll get to that in a moment when we get to our learning. If you live with Hashem in your life, if you live the histavas, the equinimity, if you live without the highs and lows, but the feeling that whatever I face and confront, whatever happens to me and with me, it's all from Hashem. And therefore, I have an equinimity. I have a calm, I have a serenity, I have a tranquility. Then it looks like life is linear. But even for those people, it's not. Life has ups and downs. And the point that Rob Early was making is that a person needs to in the good times when you're up is not a time to feel thank you know God I'm good I don't need to talk to you I don't need you to talk to me I don't need to learn about you I'm good to go everyone's healthy we got parnasa we got simas all good all good because if a person lives that way when they need to if they need to or when they'll need to draw from and lean on and feel the presence of and believe that nothing is random or chance it's all carefully cured ated and choreographed from above. It won't be there. It won't be there. We need to be strong in the good times. I don't remember if I've told the story before in the amunish here, but if I did, you'll forgive me. You probably forgot, so I'm going to repeat it anyway. But there was a member of our shul who had many years ago already a significant massive heart attack. And I went to visit him in the hospital and to see how he was doing. And he said to me, "Rabbi, the happy minion, the Kbach minion," which we still have, but not as consistently, "The happy minion saved my life." I thought that that's the sweetest thing. They davin for him or the fact that he was part of it and had that deep sense of avoda and saying his fela. He feels like, "Oh, that's so sweet." Like that saved his life. That's so sweet. It's so nice to hear. I'll let them know. That's so sweet. He said, "No, no, you don't understand. The happy minion saved my life." I said, 'You know, that's sweet. That's adorable. That's so kind. I'll let them know. He said, 'N no. He said, 'I started going on the happy minion. And the happy minion, everyone's clapping and dancing and hopping and bopping and diving in Kabala Shabas and it's going on and I couldn't keep up. I was out of shape. I couldn't breathe. So, I wanted to hop and bop and clap and dance and bounce off the walls, but I couldn't. So, I started to work out. I started to exercise so that I could better participate in the Happy Minion. And the doctor told me that had I not started exercising, I never would have survived this heart attack. So the happy minion saved my life. So first of all, it's an amuna story that we had it for when we had it and he went to it and he loved it and it moved and motivated him to try to exercise. Why am I telling it to you? Because that exercise before the heart attack is what saved his life. said Rob a working on amuna and the living amuna and the leaning into ammuna is what saved their lives that when their son binyam hashem yikum damo was killed by kamas evil wicked terrorists defending the state of Israel and the Jewish people they have been able to find the fortitude to continue the resilience and the tenacity to go on why because the rafu came before the makka because they were already leaning in and living amuna even before it happened and That is an incredibly incredibly important. I'm sharing that because all of us, you may be sitting here. I hope and I dive in that we're all sitting here. I know it's not, but I wish it were a room full of people who all say we're on the top. Those ups and downs, the peaks and valleys of the EKG of life, we're on top right now. It's all good. It's all amazing. It's all sim. And we're tempted to feel I could skip this year. I don't have to listen. I don't have to come. I don't have to lean in because it's all good. That's exactly when you have to work on amuna the most. We have to work out the amuna muscles the most because if you're not working out before the heart attack when it comes hopefully figuratively not literally we won't be ready and if we want to not only survive but thrive if we want to be strong when we need it later then we need to be working out now. So it's always the right time to be working on amuna and the highs and the lows the peaks and the valleys we're on the top or feel like we're on the bottom we're always it's always the right time. Okay. Hello to go. song popped into my head recently. I hadn't listened to in years. I searched it on YouTube and I found it. Little did I know what would be the first words in the song. Someone remembered the tune. I didn't remember the song when they found the song. Of course, where do those words come from? Our first psalm 23 sighting of the week. Another perk 23 is finding I have a couple weeks ago. I've been debating about sending it or not. My sister was in the hospital a few weeks ago. She's doing much better and rehab. We're gaining her strength. When I looked at the monitor at her respirations, it was 23, a tad high. She was in pain. It came down momentarily later to normal levels. I went to grab my phone, take a picture, but Hashem, it went down. After a few minutes, I realized 23 itself is the thing we're all looking for. The number 23 meant, she wasn't alone. Hashem is with me with all of us through our struggles, thick and thin, the good revealed good. Thanks for starting and encouraging this fun sighting game. love hearing everyone else citing in the Shirum of Psalm 23. Good morning, Rabbi. I come from such and such. I've been listening to Amun for almost three years now, and I want to share a short story that really brought one of your messages. This is from a man. I love when men are manly enough to admit that they listen to the amunes. Doesn't happen that often. They pretend that they're forced. I was in the car and my wife made me listen and I overheard, so I might as well share a story. And my favorite is that man who wrote the email that unlike other men who stay up late at night and wait for their wives to fall asleep so they can watch something they shouldn't be. He said that he refused to give his wife the satisfaction of knowing that he was hooked. So he waited till she fell asleep and would sneak the amuna late at night when she didn't know. All right. Anyway, you tell me which is the better gender and the lower gender. As I was traveling back from a meeting in Manhattan to Brooklyn, I realized while already sitting on the train that I had gotten on the wrong train. And as anyone familiar with New York City subway system knows that can easily turn into a stressful situation, especially when you're unsure which train to take next. I got off at the next stop and to my surprise, the station had a direct transfer to the exact train I needed to get back to Brooklyn. In that moment, it became clear that you are where you're meant to be. Getting off precisely that stop without having to worry figure out where to go next. It was a small experience, but it strongly reinforced the message of Amuna. You share. Thank you for the incredible you give. I appreciate it. He knew where he was meant to be. You feel the presence again. Why am I reading that email? Because we live our lives, if you don't live in black and white, but you're living your life in in livid in in vivid color. You're living your life where you're able to see the winks and the hugs and the nods from Hashem. And in that moment, you could have just said, "What a kinky dink. I got off the right stop and this is the right train and I got where I was meant to go and I'm happy it worked out. What a relief." Or you could stop and say, "I'm hugging you back, Hashem. I'll say or another." I'll just say a sentence in my own words, in my own heart, in my own way. Thank you, Hashem. Thank you for the hug. Thank you for the wink. Thank you for the nod. Thank you for the reminder and the memory that you are here. Life is full of assistitudes, great means of support to participate in the Amuna class to keep on working strengthening our faith in our Kesh. Three years ago, we had a terribly sad NISA and a terribly sad test. As parents, all you want to do is protect your children from pain. It's not always possible. After a few years of marriage and trying, my son and daughter-in-law were thrilled to be expecting their first child. But sadly, in the ninth month, a beautiful but stillborn baby girl was delivered. My children were devastated. What helped them was their rabbi who shared with them a day after their baby was delivered. Another young religious couple in the same hospital delivered a stillborn baby boy. The two little angels are actually buried side by side in the same cemetery. The nama comes from the belief that this was orchestrated by Hashem and that the two nishas were meant to be together eternally without going through the issurum of life. It is with this belief that our children and we were able to hear, to heal, and keep trying again. Thanks to Hashem's help, as well as Hyra's doctors, a year later, they were Z to a beautiful baby boy named Ezra. We never know what life has in store for us, but certainly helps to navigate the journey with Amuna. May all those who yearn for children, all who are blessed to have children, understand and appreciate what a miracle it is for a child to be born healthy and typically developing. And I echo and definitely answer amen to that. Rabbi Gobbert, I've been listening to your podcast for years while taking my daily pre-re walk, and it gives me the perk I need for the rest of the day. Nice. True. It does wear off a bit as the reality of life interferes. But still, I always have great stories I want to share with you. I compose them in my head, but alas, never send them. Today, however, something happened I simply could not ignore. I was listening to living with a Munishir, and you emphasized how important it was to remind ourselves how much we love Hashem. You spoke at a man and decided to put plaques saying, "I love you, Hashem," near each of the muzas. When I heard this, I thought, "Wow, what a wonderful idea." You remember that last week, two weeks ago, under every muza was I love you. When you kissed the muza, you remember I love you and you love me. And then that person saw the rocks had floated into the shape of a heart in the you remember. I could get some of those plaques. I even envisioned making my own reminders, but I wasn't sure how to do it. I've been living in Getty for over 20 years. And I volunteered in the pin, a place where soldiers could come to rest, take a snooze, have a coffee, go drink hot soup, all kinds of great cakes and nash. If you haven't been there, it's an amazing place. On one of our missions after October 7th, we stopped there and we brought all kinds of goodies and we spent time with the soldiers there in that warm corner. It's just a place in the winter. My my brother and family live there. It can be incredibly freezing sideways rain and sle and snow cold. And for soldiers who are on guard there and they need to be there've been way too many incidents in Sagush. It's a place to go get some warmth, sit on a couch and eat some Nach. And this is a incredible volunteer there. It's something I've been doing for many years. I feel it's the least I can do for Am Israel. I'm a senior citizen. Anyway, I was tidying up the room, putting away some of the boxes that were lying around. I reached the bottom of one of the boxes, and I couldn't believe my eyes. Scattered at the bottom were dozens of small sticker plaques that said, clear to me. Was Hashem giving me his not of approval to move forward with the idea. What hash I took a few plaques home with me to mount in my home and give out to family. I still can't get over it. Please keep sending these empowering shar all the best continued health to you and your family. Amen to that as well. But just when she thought, I want to put those plaques into my muzas. Where do I get them? How do I order them? Should I do it? Shouldn't I do it? There she's cleaning boxes. And what does she find exactly those plaques? Dear Refram, my wife and I went Saturday night to movies tonight in my study to watch last Wednesday's Living with Amuna. We typically listen to old episodes in the car, but we were presently up to episode 106. We watched the new one. You referenced the missed field gold story and proposed that the immediate message to the kicker should not be embrace your place, which he's not ready to hear, but rather recognizing is likely frustration, but you rather commiserate and share an empathic. It stinks now since amuna necessarily includes being human. That was last week. We talked about when someone has a big disappointment, a failure, you don't run in in that moment and say, "Oh, it's all from Hashem, and you are where you're meant to be, and isn't this great?" You should smile, not cry. You say, "It stinks, and I feel for you, and I'm so sorry, and I empathize with your pain." And when the time is right, the next day, the next week, the next month, you talk about, "But what are we meant to learn from this? Why do you think Hashem put you through this? How can you be an example? How will you bounce back? Where do you go from here?" As we listened, I was looking at the living with a minute poster on the side of the screen and I noticed if you jumble the letters of amuna, it yields humane. Seems fitting. Thanks for your untiring inspiring efforts. Clards amen to that too. Dear gober, I was reading a biography of Gerald Ford this morning. This is someone I admire who is making her way through all the presidents. A biography of every pre president. Maybe she could summarize them for me. I'm not reading them. and is up to Gerald Ford in the 1970s with regard to presidential biographies. At the moment in the book, he's on an aircraft carrier on the way to battle in the South Pacific. Attached is a version of Psalm 23 he rewrote and sent to the crew. Don't feel obligated to use it. I just found it a wink and nod from Hashem. And this is it. He wrote in the book, An ordinary Man, the surprising life and historic presidency of Gerald Ford. Ford in enliven the pages of his newsletter with ry observations and ribbing those who had yet to find their sea legs and whose mangling of the naval vocabulary mistaking front porch for four castle and downstairs for below was always good for a chuckle. Sometimes military humor was tinged with pathos as in psalm of a carrier pilot. The landing signal office is my shepherd. I shall not crash. He maketh me land on green runways. He waveth me off the rough waters. He restores my confidence at 60 knots. I shall fear no evil and so on and so forth. But it's a quasi Psalm 23 sighting. It is a remembrance, a hug and nod from Hashem. Okay, a couple more and then we'll get into the and we'll get back into our learning. Starting off with some gratitude. You can insert yada yada here. yada yada here. Thank you for being the tool. Okay, yada yada. As a single woman living alone in several states away from my family, I spend most weeks alone and it's not always easy to find ways to make Shabas feel special. In July, I moved to a new state and started a new job. Around this time I stumbled across your podcast on Spotify and it is one of the only things getting me through the workday has prepared me for so many challenges which is the rafu before the maka which is the workout before the heart attack. She just is mentioning that in passing. Spotify was the shaken made her discover it and listening and learning and living. I'm working on it myself gets us ready for if or when god forbid we need to draw from it. I start at the beginning and listen to it for 10 hours straight sometimes. This made me a 0.1% listener. And she sent the Spotify screenshot. 1% listener. Amazing. I now caught up to where you are in real time. All 371 episodes in five months. >> I don't know if it's like a trophy, an award, a Nobel Prize, something. Definitely some swag. We got to send her some swag. I thought it was time to write an email. Hashem has been helping me grow in many ways that I didn't want to. Two months ago, I quit my job due to an incident unprofessional physical conduct from a male boss. I've not yet been able to find another job, although I've been applying to so many. I have no savings and often have my bank account as low as $1. I've had to solely rely on the kindness of those around me for survival. And uh and thankfully, Hashem has put these people in my life who care so much. Some have chosen to give me gifts. I can buy food. I'm grateful for all of this. But I'm so tired of this awful feeling that comes with asking. At first, I was remembered to thank Hashem for this opportunity to grow and learn, to think about money in a different way. But now I'm just mad that nothing has changed and I still have to ask. I don't know how long this will continue. It's hard to see a way out sometimes. Hashem has provided so much for me already and I'm still learning to trust that he won't let me fall farther and he'll help me back up. On Wednesday last week, I was having a rough day. I put on some rough secular music to match my mood. I was making eggs and the pepper grinder fell into the bowl, splashing egg all over me, the counter, the front cabinet, the food, and ruining the pepper grinder. I just stared at it for a moment before realizing this too is from Hashem. I said, 'Thank you, Hashem. Remembered it was Wednesday and immediately changed to listening to the most recent episode of Living with Amuna. There's a picture of the Don't Cry, don't cry over spilled eggs. It put me in a better mood. In other words, she interpreted the spilled eggs as interrupting her, don't be listening to that. Put on Living with Amuna instead. And it put her in a better mood. And Friday decides to buy a lottery ticket, even though I can't really afford it. and a thou and a thought hit me go. Hashem has not allowed you to win the lottery because you may be the only reason someone gives me micser a charity. By you having to go around and ask for money for BRS, you're allowing others to do a mitzvah and a tap that it takes you out of your comfort zone which is good for your personal growth. Although I thought this was not applicable to myself. I too did not win the lottery. One day I will have an update to this unfortunate situation. For now I'm trying to embrace my place though everything's from Hashem. You have my permission to share any part of this if you like. One day I hope to discuss the potential for making selling merch for the sheer proceeds going to BRS. Give her a braha. She should find a good job, an amazing job, an amazing husband, build an amazing home, and not spill any more eggs, make delicious, amazing eggs with her pepper grinder as well. Okay, there are always more, but we're going to leave it there. Thank you to everyone who sends emails. I apologize to those I can't read out loud, but I read and respond to every single one of them I get. And as I say every week, the exercise of writing it is worthwhile even if it's not read publicly because of what we all gain and benefit even just from even just from writing it. When page 130 the right hand column on the bottom there are more copies here if you would like to follow along. If you'd like to follow along okay someone comment real men live with amuna. I agree. What have we been learning about? We've been learning about the fact that we dav not only for gashmas, we dav for rnas. We daven not only for our physical health, safety, well-being, but we davin for spirituality. We daven for spirituality as well. We ask Hashem, please help me have amuna. Please help my ding flow. Please help me stay calm and patient and loving. Please help me see you and your hand. Please help me love and run and pursue and listen to the mitzvah that are calling my name. And that says that when a person couches their not ego but elo not give me from me because I want I need and crave but Hashem I'm here and I live as a mission for you. I'm here and my life is all about. I have a mission. I have a purpose. There's a plan and I can't fulfill it if I'm not healthy and mobile and well and I can't achieve it if I don't have the resources I need to succeed. So Hashem, help me. give me resources and give me health and give me a spouse and give me children and give me a home and give me what I need because otherwise I can't serve you and that that positions us best and better to be able to hear from him. We quoted from we saw about is close to all who call him to those who call in truth. in truth. And what does that mean? Only if you're your if the request is on when you ask for something in when we ask for something physical or material, we don't know if it's valid. We don't know if it's legit. We don't know if it's really what's best for us. But spirituality, soulfulness is always what's best. It's always right. It's always legit. It's always the MS. And therefore, Hashem is more likely to answer us positively and favorably. The garra says the gar says that everything is from heaven. Everything is from above. Everything is from Hashem except for except for what does that mean? This is a very very startling comment that our rabbis make. It's not simply a statement of everything is from above. Everything is from Hashem which is also true. what elsewhere describes you reach in your pocket for a nickel and you pull out a quarter. It wasn't coincidence. It wasn't random. It wasn't chance. It is all from Hashem. Did the kicker make the field goal or miss it? Did you make the train or miss it? Was your flight on time or delayed? Was the light red, yellow, or green? Everything is from Hashem. But it means even more shaya means so much of our life we think we have free will. So much of our lives we think we have autonomy. I'll tell you something that is startling. What you're wearing right now, you did not really choose to put on or not put on. You think you did. Some of you have vast, large, enormous closets filled with an incredible selection of clothing. And you think what you're wearing right now, you chose. You think whatever hairstyle of your hair or shait, whatever you have, you chose. We think whatever music you listen to on the car on the way over here, you chose. So much of our lives that we think is a reflection or result of our free will or choice is not. If you were not born in the place and the time that you were to the people that you were born to, if you didn't have the DNA and genetics that you have, if you don't have the friends and the community and the environment that you're part of, you wouldn't be wearing that. You didn't choose it objectively. You chose it because that's what's in fashion. That's what's in style. That's the uniform. That's how you want to be thought of. That's the community you want to be connected with. That's what you want to be part of. You have free will and you have choice and you have style. When we lived, not in our current home, but when we lived in a previous home, we had a neighbor across the street. Toya circle was very different back then. She was Jewish, think Israeli, and she had all kinds of piercings and tattoos and and body art and statements and how she lived. And you know, she would describe I'm a non-conformist. I'm only everyone else is conforming and I I'm like a free spirit and I choose and I'm expressing myself and I have my individualism and no one else does. And I heard that and thought that and you know we tried to have a relationship, a Jewish person, Jewish family. I thought it's interesting and maybe it's true. Maybe the rest of us are conforming and blending in and she only has the courage to choose and to stand out. And then one day she had a birthday ch party for her child. There's some reason that there was a gathering and all of her friends came over and they were all covered in piercings and tattoos and they were all standing out. They were a community of people who thought they were individuals, but their individuality was to be a community of people who look the same. And yes, I guess she made the choice whether to be part of this community or that community. But ultimately on any given day or any given tattoo, it was it wasn't a free will choice. It was what they were what we're part of. So much of our lives, the DNA, our mind, our memory, our intellectual capacity, our athleticism, our artistic ability. So much is inherited. So much is passed on. So much is predetermined. So much comes from above. Who we are and how we'll live, so much already was established. What are our tastes? What are our likes? What are our pain thresholds? What is our talents and skills? What are our liabilities and weaknesses and struggles? All of this was predetermined before we ever came to be. So, what do we choose? What's left? Just took out the whole meaning and purpose of life if we don't really choose anything. Unless you think this is only like a idea that comes from a safer, it's only you can Google this or this if you like and you'll see that there's constant today today research philosophy articles and books by secular people all debating whether there is such a thing as free will. Does it even exist free will? Is there even free will? Is there even free will? We live in time with AI that AI someone recently shared with me if you're using chat GBT there's a prompt for chat GBT where chat GBT will interview you for about an hour takes 45 minutes to an hour to fill out and then once you do and it now knows you and learns you you can ask it really almost anything and it will tell you including this person shared with me my wife is angry at me please tell me what I should say to her that will make her happier, feel better or forgive me because in the interview you've shared about the people in your life, your nature, who you are, I guess through whatever it is, the questions that are being asked, your personality type, now it will. I'm not telling you this is a good thing for society, humanity or this world. I'm not. In fact, my friend who told me about it, I asked like, "How will your wife feel when she knows that whatever text you sent to make things right or script you memorized that you recited when you handed the flowers or chocolates that really someone or something else wrote for you? What will life look like when birthday and anniversary cards were just composed because you wrote to Chachi BT write something meaningful that my wife will like and doesn't anything have meaning anymore afterwards?" I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm not saying it's a good thing. But soon you'll be able to your chat GBT will learn you and then you'll ask it a question about the future of you or someone else and it will probably be able to answer you to an incredibly high level of accuracy and then you'll be left wondering do we even have free will anymore. If Chhatra BT can learn someone and create an algorithm about them and then predict what they're going to do, do they have free will? Did I just ruin your day by asking that question? It's we're living through and nobody's regulating and no one's supervising and it feels like there's no adult in the room who's figuring out is this good, is this bad, and what does the future look like for people, relationships, and life. It's all just happening and it's happening in sonic speed. So, if it did ruin your day, it should because it's a very scary thing. Of course, it's all what Hashem wants and it couldn't be happening if it wasn't his will. And how do we channel it and util utilize it and use it and transform it for the good? These are all questions. But the point I'm making is that we're living in a time where we'll see even more maybe than any other that we think we have free will. We have very little of it. So what's left? What's left? What's the purpose and meaning of life? What's the point of it all? It will become so predictable. Where's our free will? Where's our choice? Everything has already been predetermined, pre-programmed, predestined. It's all there. It knows. I mean, you could you'll be able to chatt or whatever AI and platform you'll use. It'll learn someone and then you'll ask it in 10 years, what will so and so be wearing? Where will they be going? What will they be listening to? And it'll be able to answer it. So, what's the point of it all? Everything's been pre-programmed, predetermined. What's the point? The answer is you're what's left is what we do with it. What's left is the core identity. What's left is the ultimate relationship with Hashem. True. True. Whether I'll be able to dunk a basketball or will I be a scratch golfer or will I gain musical ability? Will I become an artist? What kind of memory do I have? How smart? What is my IQ? So much is predetermined. Will I lose my hair or have hair? That one we all already got the answer to. What? What will be? True. It's true. So much is predetermined. But what do I do with what I have? What do I do with the cards I've been dealt? I can't control the dealer. I can't control and influence the cards I'm dealt. But how do I play them? How do I play them? Do I live a life with yayim? Do I feel I'm living on a mission from Hashem? Is life all about me, ego, or is life all about elocus? Is it all about my happiness, what I can need and what I can take and me? Or is life all about what I can give and how I can serve? Is right is life about rights and entitlements or is my life about duty and obligation? Is my life about living every possible physical pleasure or is my life about enjoying the physical gifts and pleasures of this world but transforming them to be able to make contact with eternity with immortality? Am I living in this world for this world? Am I enjoying this world but living already for the next world? All of that which is everything is what's left. Says of a beautiful vort is that the typical way of understanding this gam is what I just told you that everything indeed has been has been predetermined has been pre-programmed. What's left? What do we still influence? What outcome are we still in charge of? what we do with it, the hand that we play, how we live and how we see ourselves. But here is giving a different listen to this. Everything Hashem gives the answer yes or no. Hashem, I want that house. I want that job. I want that dress. I want that money. I want that vacation. I want this health. I want this. Everything we ask for is he decides. Is it right or wrong? Is it good or bad? Are we deserving or non-deserving? Should we get it or not get it? He decides. He decides. And by the way, parathetically, thank God he does because sometimes we ask for things that aren't even in our best interests. Sometimes we ask for things that thank God he says no that didn't go through and even in some circumstances even in some circumstances and I say this as you know as someone who went through that still birth that that's even better than the alternative of a lifelong or a short life or a life of of of pain or deformity or what sometimes we don't know the vio we say in ashasam our hopes and our prayers. He hears vosim and he saves us. If he hears our prayers, why does he have to save us? Soikim say it means sometimes he hears our prayers and he saves us from them. He hears our prayers and he saves us from them. The child who comes and asks the parent, can't I go to that party? Won't you let me drag race down the highway? Can't I experiment and try that and try that substance? they ask. And when we say no, it's not because we don't love. When we say no, it's not because we don't want them to be happy. When we say no, it's not when we say no, we're saving them from themselves. Hashem, when it comes to our prayers, often saves us from ourselves. And when he closes a door, don't look at it as a rejection or a failure. Look at it as he's rerouting. He's redirecting that door closed and another one's going to open. And if he said no to that prayer, thank you. I thought that was what was best for me. But through your no, I now know that that was not what's best for me by definition. Because if you said no, it wasn't what was best. So I'm going to eat a wafer. I'm going to make a wafer party because if I broke up, that was reference to last week. If I broke up, then it means you closed that door because I wasn't meant to walk through it. Yoshim, you saved me even from my own prayer. Everything we ask for, Hashem decides and determines whether we get or not. There's one thing that he has to say yes to. There's one thing that he can't answer empty-handed. And what is that? When we ask for more, Hashem, I sincerely and authentically want to feel closer to you. Help me. Help me. Enable me. Position me. Soften and open my heart. Help me. Help me feel your presence. Help me feel and see the hug and the wink. Help me extend my antenna and pick up your signal. Help me find the hot spot and connect high speed to you. Help me. That request he can't and doesn't turn around that he doesn't reject. And the fact that we can attach we can attach all the requests we have physically material to a request for to spirituality. How does that work? How does that work? So the mag the famous student of the mag of bear explains based on a tale. Where do you know that Pik from Benin 34? And where is that? We quote it and we say it and we sing it where invention. A person who lives with the awareness, a person who lives with the consciousness, a person who lives that Hashem is involved in my life and I am where I'm meant to be and I let go and I let God and nothing is chance or coincidence but it's all orchestrated from above. He's not missing anything. It's similar to what we saw. If you're my shepherd, I'm not missing anything. Why? Because even while I have to, as that email writer wrote, I have to rely or lean or ask others to help me out because right now I don't have a job, but I'm not missing anything because that's where I'm meant to be. That's how I'm meant to live. Hashem, you made them my agents. They are your partners and helping me until I have that next paycheck. I'm not miserable. I'm not depressed. I'm not down and out. I'm not resentful and bitter. Instead, I embrace and recognize that this is how you want me to live right now. So, I'm not Are we missing and are we lacking is not defined objectively. It's not determined by some external measure. Are we missing and are we lacking is answered only by ourselves, by how we live. Even when there are things or people that are missing in our life and they're very painful and I'm not minimizing them in the least. When people we love are taken from us, when people are going through a hard time, when people have lost their mobility or their health or their memory, it's not a simple thing to say, "Oh, well, that's what Hashem wants and I guess it's all good and and you know, wonderful news." Of course not. Of course not. And that's the amuna are the letters of humane. We have to be humane and human in practicing amuna. Armuna is not in lie of or in place of being human. We experience and practice amuna as human beings with that recognition. But after we think about it and after we experience it, we should try to process it in such a way that we feel that there's nothing missing because this is what's meant to be. Our rabbis call they label it's a storehouse is a storehouse. What Hashem has in his warehouse is the fear of heaven. If it's in Hashem's warehouse or storehouse, what does he have there? Only good things. So what is good? If you want to go to Costco, what do you have to show at the entrance? Your membership card. And if you have a Costco membership card, you're entitled to go buy things in bulk. And if you don't have the Costco membership card, you cannot tap into those sales or buy those things in bulk or come home with things that you never knew existed or needed, but only because you went to Costco. Now you need that special power washing thing to attach to your hose in your backyard or the new windshield wiper or the new uh whatever flavor popcorn that you never knew existed and don't need and your glucose levels certainly don't need. But now you come home, but you can't come home from Costco with anything in your trunk or the Kirkland scotch. It's unbelievable what Kirkland is producing. You can't you can't come home. You can't get into Costco, let alone come home from it with anything, unless you have what? A membership card to Costco. A membership card to Costco. A membership card to Costco. So, I'm debating whether to tell you a funny story. When I first got married, I tried to return something to Costco and it didn't go well. They canceled my in-laws Costco card and I had to figure out how to not tell them and get it reinstated before they knew. And I was newly married. Barash, it all worked out. Anyway, I'm here. They're here to tell about it. Anyway, so that's the cost. That's the membership to get into Costco. How do you get into Hashem's Costco? What's the membership card that you have to show and flash at the door to get into the How do you get into the warehouse and storehouse? How do you get into the enormous Costco of Hashem to tap into the incredible the incredible amount of blessing that he has for us? You know what you have to show them at the entrance? You're hashm. You don't pay for membership. And there's no card with your picture. What you have to show at the entrance to get in is, "Hashem, I know you're here. I live with you. I pick up your signal. I talk to you and I hear you talking to me. I recognize and I appreciate the winks and the hugs and I reciprocate them. I live with your That's the cost. That's the entrance. That's the card. The membership to get in. And when you do, now you can access all the good. That means to say that whatever is in our life, whatever we're going through, we can learn from, we can grow. Even not winning the lottery, which that author told me is for my own good. While I want to disagree, she's 100% correct. I don't buy lottery tickets every day, every week, or every month. And I don't know why or when I decide to buy it. As if a hundred million won't be enough. It's only when it reaches a billion that I'm willing to buy a ticket. There's no logic or rationale. It makes no sense. And when I buy it, it's not for me. I have I say, "Hashem, this is not ego. It's I'm gonna divide it among institutions and staff and changing and repairing and redeeming your world and we're partners. We're in it together and I can't wait. And surely I'm going to win." And then I don't even get one number. Not even one number. So, and and she's right. Why? Why is So, when Hashem says no, do I say I give up? I give up. You see the building going up. It's unbelievable. And it's not a building. It's not bricks and mortar. The roof is now up. It's incredible what's it's not. We're not putting up a building for a building. We're putting up a building because the amunes is going to quadruple in size. And where are we going to hold it? Because all South Florida is going to come every week because we've got the best coffee, slushies, and pastries and a decent amunir. And where are we going to put it? So, Hashem, if you want more of your children coming to our spiritual gym to work out amuna muscles and leave healthier, happier, and holier, help us. [laughter] I still have four million to go. We could solve that right now if you'd like. And every time Hashem says no to the lottery, I feel, why are you doing this? Like, I put in a lot of time, a lot of work, a lot of effort. I'd rather write a book, a safer. I'd rather give more shum. I'd rather check in on more people. I'd rather pay attention and care more for the cl I have to spend time in this fundraising. Elm, as the author of the email is 100% correct in saying, Hashem is telling me, Goldberg, nice try. I'm not making it easy or convenient because you're going to grow and you're going to be better by the work you have to put into this. So, it was nice try. Get back to work. Get back to work. You could be miserable and debilitated. You could be depressed and despondent. You could say, "Woe is me and why me and I'm a victim of everything." Or you can step up and take responsibility. Steven CVY writes in seven habits of highly effective people that the word responsibility, the etmology of the word responsibility is response ability. It's your ability to respond. Some people don't respond. They're always constantly victims of everything. It's not my fault. It's this other person. It's life circumstance. If I were married to the right person and I had the right children, if I woke up on the right side of the bed, if I felt the right way, if Hashem gave me the right parents or the right genetics or the right DNA, if I had the right bank account, if I had the right car, if I had the right, it's everyone else's fault always. They sherk and they pass the book and they never take a or responsibility. But responsibility is the ability, the capacity to respond. It says, "It's on me. It's on me. Hashem, you closed one door. I got to burst through and run through another. You said no here. Then I'm going to find another way. Or that wasn't my mission and I need to pivot and figure out where I am and what I'm meant to do next. And what's my mission? Responsibility. The ability to respond. What am I meant to do? What's the message for me? I didn't win the lotto literally the lottery or figuratively the lottery. Some people did not win the lottery of life when it comes to their masle, their health, their relationships. Some people feel I haven't won the lottery. Okay, but that also is an answer and determined from above from Hashem and a person who lives that way with so you get to the storehouse called life and you say, "How do I tap into braha? How do I go home and make sure I'm not empty-handed? How do I fill my cart with what I need?" The answer is to get in the membership card is a relationship with the almighty with the one above. And then by definition whatever is in your cart when you leave is what you need. It's what you have. So instead of saying if only and I would and I could and I'm a victim and I'm a martyr and I blame everyone else and it's not my fault and woe is me. Instead say wherever I am and whatever I have and whatever is next, it's all it's all what's meant to be. It's all from above. Great. What's next? What do I do with it? What's next? What do I do with it? What do I do with it? How do I live the best with it? How do I lean into it? How do I find Hashem with it? That doesn't mean become complacent or apathetic. It doesn't mean that she should say, "I guess I rely on others and I'm done looking for a job." Keep looking for a job and find that job and pay it forward where you can help other people because you have an amazing job. Of course, if someone's sick or ill or in the hospital or rehab, work to get better. fight to get better, undergo whatever rehab or therapy you need to bounce back and be better. We're not apathetic or complacent. We shouldn't just give in to wherever we are. We should try to break out and be somewhere else. But after our effort, after our initiative, after we do everything we can, that's when we lean in to accept we are where we're meant to be in life. And then and then we're living if I'm counted among if I live a life of then I'm not missing anything. I'm not missing anything. The most righteous people you know and maybe that you visited or you heard from they live a life many of struggle a struggle. You hear incredible people like I said Rob and Jen Early Rob this past Shabas and now thanks to technology you can hear interviews with incredible hostages who got out read Ellie Sharabi's memoir who who came home to find out who he had lost and yet somehow still talks like a Makor like there's nothing missing. Of course it's missing and he lives every day with those who are missing and the pain is unbearable of what's missing. But he hasn't given up. He's not hiding. He didn't retreat and recoil into a corner. He's living life with his ne next mission. What's next? What's next for me? What's my mission? What am I meant to do next? What's next? I'm not missing. I'm not missing. When you're there's nothing missing. So whether we're living life as woe is me and if only I had and what I'm missing and why don't I and where is it and then or we're living life as I have what I'm meant to have and my life is good. Meaning your life can be ups and downs, but you present and live like it's linear. And your life could be almost linear and you act like it has the highest ups and downs. I've seen it. I see it in my position in my life. I see it literally almost every day. People [clears throat] who have won the lottery, they have health and wealth and good things and yet they live like they're miserable and upset and things frustrate and upset them and they sacrifice and compromise their own physical emotional health and they live with the highest ups and downs even though their life has won the lottery and they'd only lean in and realize that this is Hashem's plan. You do your best. You take your initiative. You try to influence people and things and circumstances and then you accept them with histavas with equinimity and then you live happy and healthy holy and then there are people who are lacking and missing limbs, health, mobility, joints. There are people who are struggling with health and finances and relationships and when you see them they look so happy and life is going so well and they act like they won the lottery even though there's so much missing. So, how could it be? People who won the lottery who act like they're missing everything and people who are missing everything and they live and look like they won the lottery. How? The answer is you're when you live a life of when you live a life and you say, "Hashem, this isn't just random and chance and I'm not a victim, but you're in charge. You're in control and I'm your partner in being an orbiter of my own destiny. And whatever I have, I'm meant to have. Whatever is missing, I can still work towards, but recognize along the way that if I don't have it yet, I'm not meant to. And therefore, it by definition is not missing because I'm not yet meant to have it. And now I can exhale. And now I can breathe. And therefore, now I can live. Now I can live. When we have such a tight grip and tight control and we're trying so hard. I have a friend, this goes back many, many, many years, and he I remember he's a drummer, Jake. Jake Goldberg and he told me once, I don't remember, he was hitting with sticks. We were talking and he said, I don't know why he shared this spontaneously. He said, he said, "What do you think makes you a better drummer? What gives you more control of the drumsticks?" When you're holding them tight, tightly or loosely. So, you would have thought the tighter you hold, the more control you have, the better you're going to play. He said, 'N no, the tighter you're gripping them, the tighter you're holding them, the worse you're going to be able to play, the poorer the music you're going to produce. And the looser that you're holding it, the flow your fluid and the flow. And the same is true with tennis and golf, any sport which you're holding a bat and baseball. The tighter you're gripping it in life, the more likely you're going to strike out, put the ball in the water, hit the ball into the net, whatever metaphor you want, the more that your drumstick is not going to produce the sound that you want. You're going to be offbeat. But the looser you go, then the more music you can play and the better you. And the same is true in life. The tighter you have a hold and a grip on your life. You're going to get blisters all over your hands, you're going to play poorer music and you're going to be defeated by life just like you would by your opponent in sports. The tighter you grip, the poor you're going to play, music, sports, or anything else. And the looser that you grip and you go with the flow and life is fluid, the more beautiful the music you're going to play. So, we're living our lives and some people are assigned the a personalities, the executives depending on different personality types. You're trying to grip everything and micromanage and pre-program and hold control and bring about the outcome and demand of people to think and behave and act and demand of circumstances and demand of everything to be the way you want need and demand and the tighter you're gripping and the worse the outcome will be. And the looser you hold on and the more you have and you say, "Let's play, Hashem. Let's go. Let's produce some great music. Let's have fun on the court. Let's go." And you're gripping loosely, the more beautiful the music. Hashem is in charge. There's nothing missing. There's nothing missing. When you live life, I don't just talk about the shepherd. I know the shepherd. I live with the shepherd. I welcome to be shepherded by the shepherd. I love the shepherd. And I always feel the shepherd cares about and loves me. And then when he's my shepherd, I'm not missing anything. So I I just You wish you could just bottle a muna and inject it like OMPic and let people change their lives so radically because all of a sudden they're no longer struggling. I wish if anyone knows how, by the way, let me know. We could bal that we'll make billions and trillions and finish our buildings and everything else. You want to go over to the people who are gripping so tight and give them an injection of amuna that allows them to no longer struggle with needing to control and micromanage that enables them to let go and let God. Imagine if we could, right? Then there'd be no real really no purpose to life. We can't and we won't and it'll never be discovered and it'll never be introduced because that's not what life is. Life is that every day from when we wake up till we fall asleep, we confront the choices we make. Every car that approaches every traffic light, every time we travel, every person that we interact with and we hope they'll behave a certain way or do what we want or the outcomes that we desire. With each and every one of them, we have a choice. Are we going to grip tight or are we going to grip loosely? Are we going to micromanage and have to demand that we're in control or are we going to make our best effort and take our greatest initiative, but then afterwards let go and let God and say, "Hashem, this is yours. So, I'm not missing it by definition if I'm with you. And I have my membership card to get into your storehouse because I see and feel and talk and listen to you all throughout my day. And so, now let's go. Bring the chef abraha. Bring the chef. So, wishing everyone a happy, holy, and healthy day. We're staying for 10 minutes of questions and answers because I went a little overtime. Questions on any topic can be controversial or straightforward. for those who come in person. And we are giving Shir next week, yeshiva week. Everyone is invited down.