When Trust Is Hard | Living with Emunah #371

Good morning, Bokov. Welcome back to Living with Amuna. So glad to have you here and to continue our learning and our growing together. As always, we begin with an attitude of gratitude. We thank our generous series sponsors, Dr. Alvian Bella Morgan. In memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gabbid, in memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Chanzer. We remain very very grateful to the Morgans for their generosity. also sponsored the series anonymously in memory of the 30 fallen soldiers and alumni of Bened Makini who fell on October 7th and since then today we're highlighting Captain Eton Israel Shiknazi Hashem Kumo 24 served as a deputy commander a deputy company commander in the Naka brigade was killed in an anti-tank missile in northern Gaza in January of 2024 he was described as humble kind and deeply optimistic saw the good in every situation his wife Hal shared that Eton found joy and strength in his service. He is survived by his wife, his parents, his four siblings, his twin brother and may again doesn't need an aliyah. It's right next to the but we think about him this morning and dedicate our learning. It's also sponsored by Carol W in memory of her mother. Thank you Carol by Mik Cohen in appreciation of BRS anonymously Marvin Matis Ben and David a husband father and grandfather who live with amuna hakster in honor of his wife Schula and a big mile to the hers on the birth of their little girl whose name is >> Amuna Orley we love we love amunas and our learning should also be a rahu and basha razo have a complete complete speedy and painless rafu Shalma public service announcement because I've been getting a lot of emails and texts. Very gratifying and grateful uh asking whether we're going to be having Shir during yeshiva week. We will. So for those who are coming from elsewhere, those who are visiting from cold weather, come into South Florida. In fact, we have a whole flyer. I will post it in the group >> in South Florida for yeshiva week. Lauren and Davin at Boker at Synagogue. Seven daily chakras minyam. Three dailyam. Six daily marovyanim. Come to our shurim. Get some swag. Get some food. Fully stockbased media cafe. Amazing playground and basketball. What a sh. I want to go to the shul. What a sh. What a sh. All right, we will uh post it. And uh let's start with some emails as we always do and then we'll get back to our learning. Share. So, I wrote an article this week about uh does God really care about what happens in a football game? Now, I happen to not follow football. Not because I'm trying to sound f to you. I follow baseball. I just don't care about among the many things I'm incredibly grateful to Hashem for is that I don't care about football because the people who do lose so much of their lives. So, I am amazing. I'm so grateful to Hashem that I don't care about football, but someone sent me that there was a big game where it came down to the last second kicking a field goal. A field goal is when a kicker kicks uprights three points. And the game came down to that field goal. And this kicker hadn't missed any field goals the whole season under 50 yards. It was 44 yard field goal and he missed it in the last second. And the team that thought it was going to miss the playoffs went to the playoffs. The one that felt surely it was going to make it missed the playoffs. And uh it turns out there were a lot of articles and someone sent it to me asking, "Does God care about football?" Because just before the game, the team that ended up winning had a priest come and sprinkle holy water in the end zone, blessing the team exactly where the opposing team's field goal missed. Right where the holy water was sprinkled in the end zone. And the conclusion was and the coach was asked in the press conference after the game, you know, do you think that it was the blessing of the priest that got God to intervene and blow a wind and he split the sea and he didn't split the uprights and he blew the football so you missed the field goal and that does God care about football? Does God care about football? So I wrote an article about it and you could read it for yourself. if I published it this week, but someone wrote me back to my article and said that Derek Henry on his teammate, the teammate who missed the field goal, said about him, I feel for Tyler. I just told him to keep his spirits up, deal with it tonight, and then tomorrow the sun rises again. I told him the story after this is going to be great for him because God put him in this position to use him as an example. Can't wait to see him overcome it on the other side. Trust God's plan, man. He wouldn't have put it in that position if he wasn't strong enough to handle it. and listen to the living with Amuna each week. No, he didn't say the last part. The last part he didn't say, but but Derek Henry, who's a teammate of that kicker who missed a field goal, gave him only he didn't know it was saying this was God's plan. Such a fluke, such an anomaly. You haven't missed one all season. It must have happened and happened this way for a reason. Trust in God's plan. God wanted this for you and therefore you'll come out stronger on the other side. Hashem always has a plan. So, he didn't write that to me as an email, but I wanted to refer you to the article, but also to this quote because it's the way that we get through. You could proceverate and be anxious and miserable and resent. Now, here's the kich though. Here's the twist in it. Because when do you tell the kicker this? When do you tell the kicker this? It was God's plan. You'll wake up tomorrow. It'll be a new day and bright. Hashem wanted you to be strong. Hashem is teaching a lesson to others through you. There's a reason you'll come out stronger. When do you tell the kicker that? Someone else texted me about that because someone made this point on social media and they said, "Isn't it a little too soon for that?" To which I responded, "I think that that day, that night, you tell the kicker, it stinks. I feel your pain. It's miserable. I understand why you feel lousy and you probably won't sleep well tonight." And that's okay. It's okay to be frustrated and disappointed. It's okay to be upset at an outcome. It's okay to be miserable that you didn't win the game, your team lost, you didn't make the playoffs. In theory, it's all your fault. All that's okay. And we have to give people space to be human. Living with amuna doesn't mean that we force them or project upon them or have some demand or expectation of them or of ourselves to be superhuman. We're also human and Hashem understands and wants us and he created us with human emotions. And we spent a lot of time talking about this through the years that Hashem wants us to grieve and be sad. You don't pay a shiva call by telling someone, "Hashem wanted your loved one to die. That was his plan. Be grateful for the years you had them. Come on, suck it up. This was his plan. The sun will come up tomorrow. You'll be happy. Lean it." Of course not. You sit and you sit in silence because just your presence communicates. I feel your pain. I empathize with what you're going through. If you're broken, I'm broken. If you're incomplete, I'm incomplete. And I'm sitting here grieving and mourning and crying with you. Yes, you get up from Shiva. And that's the language that we use. You literally sit on a low chair and you get up. When I help people at the end of Shiva, we go for a walk around the block. The Ashkanazi. There's different menhagim. You turn a chair over, you break a tile. There's all kinds of menhug of how you end Shiva, believe it or not. You throw dust over your should. There's all kinds of menhagimashkinazes. You walk go for a walk. And I always explain why are we going for a walk? Because just like when you go for a walk, you put one foot in front of the other. In life, sometimes we have to put one foot in front of another. And that's the only way that we can go on. And we go on with the hope and the belief and the trust that there is a plan. And Hashem does everything for a reason. And one day we will understand and we will be reunited with even those who are no longer here. But at no point in that process do we say be happy. It's Hashem's plan. Why are you sad? Why are you cry crying? The Rambam writes that a person who loses a loved one and doesn't mourn and grieve. It's cruelty. It's cruelty. Why? Because what are you saying about that loved one? They didn't matter and you don't miss them and they weren't significant or consequential and you've been able to just move on. And if you're not grieving and crying, if you're not somewhat broken by their loss, you actually have to check how cruel you are because a caring and a sensitive and thoughtful person feels that my life is incomplete and is forever different without that person. And so the answer is not to live a life where we pretend we're not human. We're human. And sometimes we get angry and resentful, miserable, bitter, frustrated, upset, disappointed, jealous, envious. We're meant to regulate our emotions and channel our emotions and come back and bounce back from our emotions, but to be human. And so you don't tell that kicker in the locker room that day. You don't tell him that night, God's got a plan. You were meant to miss it. You're an example. you're going to bounce back stronger. You're going to see it's all good. You say it stinks and you must feel miserable and I'm with you. I can't imagine. I can't imagine. And the next day you tell them, but you know, now's your choice. How are you going to bounce back? How are you going to respond? Is this going to spiral your career down or is this going to be a footnote on the career because you're going to bounce back? You're going to bounce up. But anyway, I thought I would share that as the first email, not an email to me, but a uh someone did actually share it as an email to me, but telling the story of what he what he went through, what he went through. The other night, someone I know and I'm very close to was driving home, which should have been a 30-minute drive, and got a flat tire. I was sitting on the side of the highway and called. Did you know, this is important for you to know, if you get a flat tire on a highway, try carefully and only if it's safe to get off the highway because won't come. They're not allowed to by law change a tire just off the highway. Which means that you're not waiting for, you're waiting for, and if your husband tells you that your insurance is Geico and you call Geico, but it turns out it's progressive, you're just going to take even longer. You're sitting on the side of the highway. I apologize on behalf of Husbands. And um and then you call roadside assistance plus you call the highway patrol and you wait there for two hours plus. But meanwhile all along you text your husband, I know I am where I'm meant to be. And just FYI, we have progressive not Geico. Anyway, so another example. Okay, next email. Rabber, thank you for so much for your podcast. I found it during a really hard time in my life when I was searching for I went on to Apple podcast and searched for the words quote miscarriage and Judaism. I quickly found your podcast and opened one episode where you had spoken about your own still birth and read many letters on those who had also had losses. I know that Hashem wanted me to find that podcast because for months I felt so alone. Here's somebody who was struggling, went through what is and can be among the most painful things. puts on Apple search Judaism miscarriage finds living with Amuna and the episode where we spoke about our still birth miscarriages. It was my first pregnancy it ended and lost. I want nothing more than hold baby in my arms because I never got that chance. To know that I'm not alone means the world to me because lately all I see around me are more pregnancy announcements and strollers being pushed. The statistic is that one in four pregnancy will end in a loss. And wow, do I feel like a part of that statistic. Quickly after my miscarriage, I found out three other girls close to me are pregnant and around the same timeline I was. Hashem, they're doing well. I'm so happy for them, but I can't help but think about my baby. Why' this have to happen? Why does anyone have to go through the loss of a baby? What did I do wrong? I cry my eyes out to Hashem and pour all my soul to him. I don't know what his plan is, but I know that he has one. I know that one day this will be a memory and maybe I'll understand why it happened. Or maybe I won't. But I hope that one day Hashem will answer my prayers and one day I'll get a hold to hold my baby in my arms, do all the things I didn't get to do with the first one. Thank you for being part of what gets me through this hard time and for being the comfort that pulls my Amuna back up when I really when I really need it. So we dav for her and for all those who are waiting and for longing. This email is a reminder to never take it for granted. I say I don't think it's had an impact and they've done anything but I think whether it's in 12th grade in high school or in girls seminaries or in college classes at some point someone needs to be honest with young women not to scare them not to make them nervous or anxious just to prepare people that that statistic is true that one in four pregnancies ends in loss very early in fact some women don't even know they were pregnant and had a loss they just think that they had a heavy period that month and not to scare not to make anyone anxious but just to enter realistically and know and be prepared. So, one thing is to prepare. Number two is to be sensitive because as I say, we don't know who's sitting at our Shabas table. We don't know what people are going through. We don't know that what we're complaining about others would give anything to have as their problem. We need to be careful about and I'll use this opportunity because there's an amazing organization called Nama Comfort. and Reva Judas, who's the founder and director, will be in Bokeh Monday, January 12th, 7:30, the Walkwood's home here on the Circle, supporting family and friends through infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. Meaningful conversations and practical guidance. Someone wants to know more about it, I'm happy to share with you more of the details, but it's Monday night and it's uh the perfect unfortunate timing with that email to remind people and anyone who needs it. Um, please next email. I hope you're doing well. I want to show an story happened to me last week. Honestly, it's still crazy to think how clearly you could see Hashem's hand in every detail. I was driving on the highway every week, right? There's airplane stories. We're on highway stories this week. One night last week with a friend in the car, even though I was originally supposed to be driving alone, at the last minute, someone needed a ride. So, she joined me. I didn't think much of it at the time. Just one of those small happy I can help moments. I was in my lane, not speeding, not texting, and all of a sudden, an 18-wheeler merged straight into us. No warning, no signal, just right into my car, and then it sped away. We immediately realized the car couldn't drive. The front side was knocked off. The right mirror was gone. The front right wheel had holes in it. So, we pulled into the nearest gas station, stood there, called our parents because we're 21 and had never dealt with this before and tried to figure out what to do. We called 911. We tried to get a tow truck. Took overnight to actually find one. And only after all this did I find out that apparently every Jewish father has a towing guy on speed dial. Who would have thought? It was such hashkah that my friend needed that ride. She helped me through everything. She stayed calm. She helped me think. She was there in every moment I needed. If I had been alone, the experience would have felt very different. Hashem didn't just put me in the right place. He made sure I wasn't there by myself. More friends came to help, too. They came running. I'll never forget. Another realization. While I looked at the placement of the damage on the car, which is that if the truck had hit us, even one foot differently, it would have been very bad. The door could have been crushed, someone could have been hurt. But it didn't happen. The impact on the front side of the car ripped the mirror off instead. We were protected. The truck driver was going fast, definitely speeding, and yet somehow we didn't spin out. We didn't get pushed into another lane. No other cars hit us on a busy highway, high speed. Hashem held us in our lane. Another moment that stood out was that earlier that day, there was a whole back and forth about which car I should take that night. Two cars, a bigger one and a smaller one. I was originally supposed to take the big one because my sister might have needed the small one. The last minute plans changed. Person who needed the big car was coming home later. My sister ended up not needing the small one. I took the small one. had is a dash cam which is a small camera facing the front window of the car and the big one doesn't. If I had taken the big car like I was originally supposed to, none of the accident would have been on video. And then before anything even happened, friend who was in the car with me randomly asked what's the camera recording? No one had ever asked me that before. People don't notice it. I told him it's a dash cam and casually mentioned it once saved my father when a trick when a truck hit him in the past. And yes, we are checking our mazuzas. And then we got hit by a truck. The one time someone needs a ride. The one time someone asked about the camera. The one time I take the car that has it and yes, the dash cam recorded everything and the video was sent straight to the insurance company. And that's not a coincidence. While everything that happened, the police, the gas station, the waiting, I felt this deep calm. Not because it wasn't scary, not because I was telling myself logistics would work out, I knew clearly it was from Hashem. When something come straight from him, there's nothing to fight, nothing to panic, just a sense of being held. And the only thing that mattered in that moment was we were okay. I knew that in real time, Hashem doesn't raffle off situations from a hat. He doesn't do random things. He places us where we're meant to be. And that's exactly where we were meant to be. And there's that line for the living with the moon that kept replaying in my head. Wherever you are, that that is the line you're supposed to be on. The people we're supposed to be surrounded with, the conversation you're supposed to have. That's the life is throwing your way because that's where it's supposed to be. So there's no reason for anger or frustration. It wasn't a mistake. It was exactly what I needed. It taught me how precious life is. How incredible friends are. Even people who aren't sure can show up in positive ways. Miracles don't always look like fireworks. Sometimes they look like not being alone. Sometimes they look like a car staying in its lane. So, thank you for helping me see Hashem is in control. Even in the scariest moments, we are okay and that's all that matters. It's a great email for a lot of reasons, not least of which is because many others would say, "Hashem, why? Why did it have to happen? So scary. Why me? Why now? Why the car?" And instead to feel even when going through it, it is all from Hashem. Absolutely incredible. And so grateful again all the people who write, I read and answer everyone. I can't read them all out loud, but I do appreciate it. And we have a few Psalm 23 sightings. Our streak continues. First of all, the first Psalm 23 sighting. I'm very grateful. Someone brought me a gift this morning. Thank you so much. And here's my gift. Are you ready? There's a shirt says Goldberg on the back. >> Psalm 23. So, we have our first Psalm 23 sighting. Thank you so much for that gift. That's an easy way to have a sighting. The second one is a little bit of a long email so I won't read you the whole email but somebody who'd been going to a cafe in Shalim since the war broke out and they made aliyah and they've been struggling through the challenges and the war with Iran and all the different uh impact and everything that's been going on and they've been going to the kum house a few blocks from their home and going and going and going until they realize what's the address of it. It is number 23 and that where they have been finding all their solace and comfort is in number 23 and that they see and consider as a Psalm 23 sighting. Love it. Keep it coming. Someone else debun support group that you've created about a year ago after another difficulty I experienced. My mother shared episode 335 accept the present of today. Although I wasn't sure I was ready to hear Amuna at that moment, I wanted to hear about Aam Ber who was mentioned in that episode. Do you remember ber a hostage who was released who wrote on her whiteboard I've chosen the path of amuna from that got her through that's what she chose in that moment that gave her that strength and just like that I was hooked started listening from the beginning multiple times integrated living with into my daily routine she gave me perspective provided me the go-to mantras tools to handle my nonas my tests they came a lifeline love how they are always exactly what I need to hear so grateful to hashem for a wonderful healthy happy life so much good. But my life journey has not been easy or smooth. I've been through a lot of painful moments and events throughout my life. There is one constant and that is Hashem is my best friend. Through the tears, the success, the hope, the pain, the growth, I live with him all the time. It's not like he's handed me the easiest package. However, I always try to stick with him, make the best of my situation, and to keep growing closer. I choose to see the good, to find the hugs and the winks. I truly love him and most of the time feel that he loves me. As I approach my 32nd backward, my 32nd birthday, 23 backwards, I realized something I never thought of. My Hebrew birthday is 23 taves. The peric I connect to the most through my every challenge is peric 23. I know this isn't random because through the many challenges I've been through, I always felt Hashem is my best friend. Hashem, I've decided this was enough for me to get out of my comfort zone and share something relevant to the current Sher content. Few months back, I had a difficult which ended in heartbreak. Going through the process was painful. I kept turning to Hashem. During the process, I had an epiphany which I wrote as a poem. Although private by nature, I chose to share the poem in the hope it may help others gain a clear understanding of letting go and letting God. I don't have time now, but I'm going to share the poem next time. Happy birthday 3223 backwards. Till 23 and may this year be your best year yet. And all your beans answered and all your dreams come true and share only simas with us. Okay, one more. One more. One more. Dear Rabbi Gober, thank you so much for the Torah. My friends and I often quote you. Whether it's an idea about the para, one of the catchphrases, embrace your place, let go, let God. When I was on a program this summer after 10th grade, there was a girl and a guy who liked each other and eventually started dating. The relationship lasted a whole day and a half. And the boy was devastated when it ended. One of the Madrien took him to the back of the bus, made a little party, and told him a story. He said before Hashem sends our nishamas down into the world up in Shamayim in heaven he tries different matches of the shamas of souls and when they don't work out he breaks them apart and tries a new match. This happens until he finds the perfect match and then he breaks the namas apart and sends them down in the world to find each other. The maj the adviser explained that we have that we then have to go through every match that hashem has tried before we can find our bash here on earth. So when we break up with someone really we should celebrate because it means we're one step closer to finding our basher. And then he gave out wafers in celebration after this big romantic day and a half. That's how he inspired the teenagers that don't be miserable and sad about a breakup. You're one step closer to finding your basher because he broke he gave out the wafers to celebrate and you got to break the wafer broken matches until you find the one that's meant for you. It might sound juvenile, she writes, but this stayed with me and ever since whenever I a friend break up with someone significant, I get them or myself wafers. And this tradition has spread to my friends as well. I'm now 38 years old, so I've gone through a lot of wafers at this point. A few years ago, both my roommate and I had ended relatively significant relationships. We were walking on the street as we passed an older woman who dropped two things. We each picked up one of the things. They were individually wrapped wafers. Both my roommate and I felt this was a message from Hashem that our recent breakups were the right thing. Fast forward another few years to a few weeks ago. After dating someone a few months was starting to feel that it was not the right relationship for me. So confused. The older I get, I find it sometimes harder to trust myself. I question if there's something wrong with me or if this guy is really just not right for me and I should listen to myself. Eventually, we decided to take a break to figure out what was right for us, even though I was pretty sure it should end. But again, I was having a hard time trusting my instincts. The day after we started the break, I was walking on the street in the same place as last time I noticed something on the ground. It was another individually wrapped wafer. It was something so small, but I really felt like it was a hug from Hashem telling me I was making the right decision. It may seem silly to other people who might have thought the wafers would become significant to me, but here we are. Thanks for the helping get keep going. See Hashem and everything. Thanks for listening and let this be the end and the last of the wafers. No more wafers. No more broken wafers. No more wafer parties. Only a big wedding which serving wafers. That'd be great. Wafers served at the wedding. That would be amazing. Everyone should find their basher and everyone should hold babies in their arms and everybody should have everybody should have their dreams come true. Someone wrote me. They couldn't decide they were going to go to sh not go to shul this past Shabas and they decided even though it had been a crazy week and even though they recently were recovering from being sick that they would because it was par it was Shabas Kazak so it was worth going to he ended the book of braces you say Kazak and lo and behold when the security guard stopped them on the way in he said to her did you hear President Trump arrested Maduro and the security guard for whatever reason decided to have a whole conversation with her about Maduro and therefore she missed Kazak by the time she got into shul and she was miserable about missing Kazak, but she's trying to embrace her place because that's where Hashem wanted her to be. To which I wrote back and my answer to her is because she was able to feel that she had her own Khazak. She didn't miss Kazak. She just had Kazak outside with the security guard because she had to embrace her place. That's where she was meant to be in that moment. She was having the kind, courteous, respectful conversation with someone rather than run away. She met a kid rather than aem. And so she in that moment had her own. And sometimes in life the perspective is not to feel I missed but I had my own and made my own in that moment. Okay. We're still learning the up in Israel and we're beginning the next per. And even though the safer is not about amuna, this particular book, this work is about prayer. But the last chapter, the last paric we learned was about amuna being necessary to davin and dining for amuna. And now he continues in the new pericos ding for spirituality. We tend to think of damining being what we do for our physical material needs. Give me good health. Give me a livelihood. Give me a child. Give me a husband, a wife, a basher. But what about dominating for our spirituality? Domining for spiritual success, dabbing for spiritual mindfulness and intention in life. So he begins and again we gave out some copies. We'll try to print more as we go. A person who dins for things for material for this world so won't necessarily be answered or won't necessarily get the answer that they want. because maybe what you're asking for, what you're domining for isn't really the right thing or the best thing or a good thing for you. Maybe you don't deserve it. Maybe you don't deserve it. Maybe someone hasn't earned the merit. Maybe somebody doesn't have enough in the bank account to make that withdrawal. Or maybe it's not the right or best thing for you. However, when what you're asking for is Hashem, let me feel closer to you. Let me feel connected to you. Let my ding be improved. Let me want to learn. Let me remember my learning. Let me be more patient. Let me be more kind. Let me be more generous. Let me be more sensitive. Our tradition is that if what you're asking for is holy and spiritual, if what you're asking for is it will never be turned away empty-handed. So therefore, we should express and couch and communicate whatever we're asking for physically, materially in the context of spiritually. So, Hashem, Hashem, do you know what I could do if I were married? If I felt I met my other half and I were complete, do you know how more spiritually connected to you I would feel? Do you know what I could host in my home? Do you know the family I could build and the light of Torah I could shine? Hashem if I had a child like Kana who dedicated her child to alien the Mishkan who said vatispel al hashem pik says about kana not vatispel al hashem kana's whole methodology and I'll pause for a moment to tell you what you already know but all the laws of prayer we learn for those who think that Judaism is a chauvinist misogynistic religion it is absolutely gender discriminating because it is a bias against men and for women. If you look closely, if you don't even have to look too closely, you will see that Judaism always has the nicest things to say about women. Gives women credit for everything. Gives women the benefit of the doubt. And they go Torah always credits women and it tells men they don't even remember what insurance company they have on their car and they're miserable and terrible and they can't put their laundry in the hamper and they don't put the cap on the toothpaste and they mess up the cautus in the kitchen because they use the wrong spoon in the wrong pot and men are miserable low-life rejects and the Torah absolutely has a gender bias and that bias is against men in any case an example of that gender bias against men is lest you think well women can't come from men you know women don't to be on the beam and lead the dav and women don't get an aliyah. So you see the Tur doesn't like women really from whom do we learn all the laws of Davina not from any man but from Kana the Garra elaborates at length on the story of Kana who goes to the Mishkan in Shilo and today you could visit Shilo Hashem and we have the footprint of where the Mishkan once stood and whatever hour of the day you go you will likely find people dvening there in particular you will likely find women davening there and in particular women like Kana who are longing to have children in the spot where Kana herself stood when she came to the Mishkan to turn to a and the Pik describes that here Kana who's married to Elana for many years and Elana has a another wife polygamy was permissible in those days and is married also to Panina Kana's co-wife panina has children kana does not she's suffering panina seems to agitate incredibly insensitive this is not a nvy class you could read and learn and should the whole story on your own so kana comes and kana is dabing an ali thinks she's not domining. Ellie thinks she's drunk. You know why? She is the first who's moving her lips, but no words are coming out. She's turning and domining to Hashem, but she's not saying anything out loud. And that until then looked like a mad person, a drunk, intoxicated person who moves their lips and isn't saying anything. We take it for granted. We now know. And we struggle when we're teaching our children. It's hard. We have to remind our children. When you're dabbing, move your lips, but don't say anything out loud. When you're reading, read with your eyes, not with your lips. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you see your kid on the couch reading and they're moving their lips. Dining you read with your lips and reading you read with your eyes. But Kana was reading with their lips. A why did he think so? Because he consulted and they lit up with letters and the same letters for she is she is holy are the same letters for she is drunk. He misaligned the letters. He misinterpreted the letters. He thought she was drunk and he confronts her for being drunk. And she basically says, "What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? I'm pouring out my heart." And we learn from here like that. We move our lips and all the laws of we learn from. So the Pik says about alashem and the commentaries wonder the wonders, shouldn't it say hashem? She daved to God. What does it mean? She daved on God. Davended about God. And you know what they teach from here? And it's a lesson for all of us. Anything and everything that we ask for, don't ask for it because we need it. Ask for it because we say, "Hashem, how can I serve you? How can I fulfill my mission for you if I don't have these things?" But she wasn't dabbing for a son for herself. She said, "Hashem, I am so desperate to give, to love, to shower affection. I'm desperate to raise a child in your image. I'm desperate to be able to have another soldier to serve you. And if you give me a son, if you give me a child, I will dedicate them to you." And that's exactly what she does. She conceives. She has Shuel, her son, and she gives him to a in the Mishkan. That son she waited so long for. Elanaris Pali for this son and names him. That son she waited so long for. She dedicates him to serve a to be his understudy in the Mishkan. And of course he becomes our great prophet. Then she teaches us the methodology of not elashem. And that's what here is telling us. You see you could dive into hashem in one of two ways. You could say hashem help me have enough money. Parnasa, help me have my health because I really want to play Majan and shuffle board and tennis and golf and go on vacation and go on these trips and go where I planned. Or you could dive into Hashem and say, "Hashem, I have a mission. You put me on earth here for a purpose. But if I don't have my health, how can I serve you? How can I fulfill it? If I don't have the resources, how can I accomplish the goals that you have for me?" So yes, I also want to enjoy it. And of course, I'll also benefit from having working parts, having a few shekele in the bank. But the real reason I'm asking for it is to serve you. Imagine a boss calls you in. He says, she says, "I've got a mission for you. I have a position. I have something I need you to accomplish. Something I need you to achieve. Go to such and such a place. Negotiate such such a deal. Take care of such and such a task. Manage such and such people." Say, "Good. I'm in. I'm ready. I'll do it. But I need an expense account. How do I buy a ticket? How do I pay for my meal? How do I rent the car? How do I hire the people? I'm in, but I can't do it unless I have the expense account or the resources and everything in order to get it done. I can't do it. And by the way, I can't travel right now because even though the angels in the sky, if you saw that article that I've been talking about for a year, the miracle of flight, all the people who are waiting at the gate to go on the plane in their wheelchair and yet when the plane lands, they run off the plane first to leave. There's the miracle in the sky. There was an article about it last week in the paper. I've been talking about it for years. How many people are lined up at the gate? first on because they're in a wheelchair. Somehow when they land, they run off the pl. It's a miracle of flight. So, if anything's hurting you, book a flight and just travel to 10,000 ft and you will be just you will be just you'll be just fine. So, imagine that part is not working. That thing is hurting you and you can't get it fixed. So, you say to the boss, "If you can help me, if you give me some health insurance and I can have some rehab, then I'll be able to go accomplish everything that you want." So we turn to Hashem and we could ask Hashem for everything out of ego or we could ask Hashem for everything out of elus. I've spoke about this last Shabbasha and I've been speaking about it the whole year since because it's something I'm working on. In fact, I wrote a whole book on it. But right now it's in my head. This is my newest. I'm really excited for this book. The problem is all the last books that I wrote that were in my head, I got excited about the next one. So I never wrote them. So they'll probably remain there. But this is my newest book. ego or elus and we're learning it in the we learned just this morning but essentially our whole life can be reduced to that question every speech every thought every action all that we do everywhere we go everything that we see are we doing it to indulge in ego are we serving ego is it for ourselves or are we connecting to is it serving elocus godliness because there's those are the only two choices from the way we eat and sleep from where we go how we spend our money to everything that we do and the relationships that we have ego or elocus and that same paradigm is true for I can hashem and say please give me provide for me because I want because I need because I like because I'd like to have health bash child all legitimate things to want all legitimate things to ask for but I could be asking for it out of ego because hashem that's my ideal life in my ideal life If I have all those things, ego or I could be asking out of a locus, Shm, I want to serve you. I want to be here to repair and redeem your world. I want a family. I want to build out a family. I want to live in a home where we do your mitzvos. I want to host people and I want to help people. And I want to raise a family who will observe Torah and mitzvos and who will pay that forward. I want to be a bright light to dispel the darkness. I want to stand with Jewish pride and Jewish practice, but I can't do it if my knees and hips don't work. I can't do it if my bank account is empty. How could I host anyone if I can't afford to even keep my house? I can't do it, Hashem, if I feel I'm alone. I can't do it if I'm in pain. So, Hashem, heal me physically, emotionally, mentally. Hashem, help me provide the resources I need because only then can I best serve you. So, we're asking for the very same things, but we can ask out of ego or we can ask out of elocus. When we ask out of ego, Hashem says, "Bring me his file. Bring me her file. Let's take an audit. Let's see if they deserve it. Let's check them out. Really? You want a nicer house? I need a nicer car. Really, you want to feel well? Really, you want all to be good? Really, you want me to Okay, let's see how well you've been behaving. Let's see if you deserve it. Let's see if you're entitled." But when we ask not out of ego, when we ask out of elus, Hashem takes out his own file and Hashem, Hashem visav himself always answers yes. So how we couch our request can be ego or elocus back inside it says if a person asks help me learn better help me concentrate help me remember more help the Torah transform mel If we indeed authentically and genuinely pour out our heart on him and to him and make it about him, then Hashem receives it. Even if our life and lifestyle doesn't match our words. Let me say that again. We claim in our to be asking and wanting Hashem, Hashem, help me learn, davin, grow spiritually, feel connected to you. And then in our life and our lifestyle, it's not matching our words. Doesn't matter says Even if our lifestyle doesn't match our words, Hashem is more predisposed to hear favorably and to answer yes because now we're communicating not ego. We're asking out of elus. I'll throw something else in. He doesn't say here because we just learned it in sitter snippets which you can and should all be listening to. We're closing in on number 700. I think last night was 691 maybe. What are we going to do to celebrate the 700th? Same thing we did to celebrate the 600th and the 5th00. Nothing. But we're just going to record 701. That's what we're going to do next. 701. So instead of snippets are up to the end of the we've been learning about which we say and we don't know what we're saying. It's sort of the end of the we're happy we got here close enough. Three steps back finally finished and we don't really focus. And yet the reports from the tour that if you say those words with intent you're able to receive the divine presence and others say if you say those words with intent then hashem doesn't turn you away empty-handed. The words that maybe we most neglect at the end of the amida carry the greatest power. So what do they mean? I don't want to repeat the whole sitter snippet. You should be listening. It's only six minutes each day and get an insight. You could go back to the very beginning. We started with modi said snippet number one you wake up in the morning closing on 700 we're at the end of the so every year would say god says I placed a rainbow in the cloud kashi rainbow is an acronym for kadushi it's anashi is an acronym for kadusha all these four hashem put it in the cloud because since the md was destroyed. The gates of prayer are locked. Hashem is concealed. He's hiding. He's inaccessible. He's in a cloud. How can our prayer penetrate? How can we get to him? Only through the rainbow that's in the cloud. Only through saying these four things. I say, what is it that we're saying in those four words that even gets into the cloud where he's hiding, where he's concealed? Because what are those four words? I say, it's all about Hashem. Don't do everything I just asked for in the don't do it for me. Do it because that's the best way I can serve you. Do it for your name, your brand. Do it for your world. Do it so I can serve you. Do it so I can serve you. So we're asking, we wrap up our amida by saying, "Hashem, all the things I just asked for, good health, parasa, shalom, everything I just asked you for, I'm asking not for me. I'm asking because that's the best way I can serve you." So these site is today whose site is today. He says this whole vert and he throws in but what happens? So now everyone who listens to sitter snippets I completed this last night but two nights ago I began to tell over this someone said to me after marav because sitter snippets is between and someone said to me after marv rabbi I thought after that marv would be 20 minutes long. I thought the itself would be an hour. Who wouldn't concentrate on those as if we know that that's what will guarantee us? So raises a good question. What's going to happen? Everyone's going to be a fraud and a phony. We're all going to stand up in the end of our Dav and we're going to say, "Hashem, help me win the lottery. Not for me. No, I I I don't need the lottery. Help me win the lottery for you." which is basically what I do. Every time I buy a ticket, I don't need the money. It's for you. We could finish the campus. We could change the world. We can hire the allstar, expand. We already have an all-star team. Double and triple it in size. Hashem, do you know what I could do for you in this world? Don't do it for me. Do it for you. For you. Everyone at the end of their ding is just gonna take whatever they asked for and present it because they learned this little and they're so says the Pak Hashem doesn't hang out with people who lie with people who are duplicitous with people who are the people who are disingenuous. Hashem doesn't hang out with those people. You think he doesn't see right through that? He sees through it the same way you do when your child comes to you and says, you know, give me more allowance. Could you buy me a car? I don't need a car for me. I need the car so I could run the errands for you. Hashem sees through it the same way you do. So should we not bother saying it? So actually writes, you know what you should do at the end of your and he writes the language you can employ. You just lengthen your amid at the end of the you should say to Hashem, Hashem, I wish I could say I'm dabbing for you. But if I'm honest, it's really also for me. But because I know it and I want it and I wish I could get to the place that it's for you, treat it and accept it as if I'm saying I'm domining for you. And then you're not lying and being duplicitous or disingenuous. Hashem doesn't see through it because you're presenting the God's honest truth, but also you're being honest that you want to get to that place. That's the strategy. That's the advice of the holy bane is. So it's beautiful when sitter snippets and living with amuna come together. It's exactly we're up to in snippets. It's exactly we're up to in living with amuna that says couch inem how can I fulfill my mission? How can I serve you if I don't have an expense account? If I'm not healthy and I'm not mobile how can I do what I think you want me to do? How can I accept and receive my mission, my purpose in the world? How can I live to give not to take? How can I ask? What are my obligations and duties, not what my rights and entitlements? How can I do all that if I don't have these things and that we're not turned away says the holy that this has been tested and confirmed that whenever we dav for growth in spirituality, whenever we daven for spiritual breakthrough, whenever we dive in for holiness, it's always received. And this is the meaning of what we say in ash. Hashem is close to all who call out to him. Then we qualify that qualifies that immediately. God is close to all who call out to him. However, to all who call out to him, the ems emit the almighty. God is close to those who call out to him. truth. Maybe he'll say God is close to everyone. The Lord loves everybody. Hem loves it. Hashem does love everybody. He's closest to who? To those who call out to him, sincere, authentic, genuine, raw, real. Which, by the way, just going back because I continue to get emails and poems from people. That email that we read from the young man who was angry at God and wrote him off before Rashashana that's be God is Karov. God is close to him. Even though he seemingly wrote God off, but because it's raw and it's real to me, that's who God is close to. had a different understanding and interpretation of it. And we'll end with this and go to our question and answer that only those who are here live in person will hear because we turn the recording off and that's meant to motivate people to come in person and those who will visit for yeshiva week are invited to stay in person. Sal says doesn't only mean to all those who call out to him in truth. Listen carefully. It means to all those who call out to him about truth. That means to say when I say to Hashem, "Please help it work out to buy that house. Please help it work out to get this job. Please help me have a lot more money. Please help." How do you know if that's right or wrong, good or bad? How do you know? We don't. That's not an absolute truth. That may or may not turn out to be right or wrong, good or bad. But feeling closer to him, doing better, learning better, remembering what we learned, that is always good. That's MS. Since rrookness is always MS, spirituality is always truth by definition. Therefore, Hashem is closest and answers most those who call out to him about the emis. You're going to ask him for things in the masher. He may or may not answer. But when you ask him for things in the world of MS like then he's then he listens then he most readily and likely answers that is his insight we should all channel and turn to Hashem and I'll end with the same paradox that we've been learning the last few months that you'll say this all nice and well and good and lovely can't gober just get back to the embrace your blaze stuff that really impacts my life because I don't feel connected right now and I don't want to davin right now my doing is not going anywhere right right now, can't you just get back to like the airport stories and embrace your place? So, the person who doesn't feel close right now should be the one who's domining the most, has the most to do for and paradoxically, if a person's feeling disconnected, you're buffering instead of having high-speed connection, then channel that into davening from the sitter or tollum. Yes. But mostly and most importantly from your heart. When you're driving in the car, when you're on that walk, when you're shopping for that food, when you're baking that cake, talk to him. Hashem, I know things are we're not feeling so connected right now, but I really miss you, and I need you, and I want to feel close to you. Please help me. Help me feel high connected. Help me heal from whatever is in the way, and help me feel connected to you again because I know that's my best life. So, help me. And even though it's paradoxical that you're going to ask Hashem who you're struggling to have faith in to have more faith in him, that's exactly what we're meant to do. That's exactly what works the best. That's exactly what is for all of our should be answered for good. Question and answer who has on any topic.