This Changes EVERYTHING About Dating

So, let me just share one idea with you today, just one, because I've personally [music] seen it help people breathe again, those who are suffocating from the overwhelming feeling of the dating process. I get a lot of emails, and I have a lot of conversations [music] with people who describe that what can feel so overwhelming is not just looking for the right person, but taking on an entire system. There's resumes, there's references, [music] there's coaches, there's advice, there's timelines. It's like someone's networking for their entire [music] future. And what's meant to be so beautiful instead can feel so unbearable. I was recently with the Munkatcher Rebbe, and I asked for a bracha, a blessing, for someone I know who's dating, [music] who's in shidduchim. And the Rebbe corrected me. He said, "She's in shidduch, not shidduchim." The singular, not the plural. Because she just needs to find one right person. You don't have to meet everyone, and you don't have to solve a process, and you don't have [music] to network the world. It's all about the next person. It could be the next shadchan calls. It could be the next introduction. It could be the next date. It could [music] be a person you meet at the next networking event. It's not about the whole world. It's about [music] one person, one moment, one introduction, finding one relationship. [music] Shidduch, not shidduchim. Shidduchim is a process, and the process includes so many variables and components, but shidduch, [music] just finding that one right person, is not about a system or process. It's about hashgacha. It's about providence, [music] and it's about Hashem. Our rabbis teach us that since creating the world, God himself has been occupied exclusively [music] with matching and making introductions, with shidduch, not shidduchim, matching one person with the other. Hashem doesn't want you to solve the universe. [music] He simply wants you to show up, to be present, to be your best self, to live the life that will be most attractive [music] and draw the person that you want to meet and you want to marry. The pasuk, the verse, says, "Va'ata Yisrael, ma Hashem Elokecha sho'el me'imach?" And now, Jewish people, what does God ask from [music] you? And then it lists what he wants. But the Chafetz Chaim says, what does God want from you? Vi'atah. Now, the present. Be there. Show up. Be mindful. Be present. That's what he wants. That's what he [music] asks. That's what he works with to help us find our shidduch, not to solve the universe of shidduchim. [music] So, what does this change for you? What do you do differently now? The answer is what [music] you need to stop doing. Stop counting. Stop comparing. Stop saying, why them and not me? Instead, start saying to yourself, I just need one. And this doesn't have to be solved today. And my job, my responsibility is the effort. Is to show up. >> [music] >> I'm not responsible for the outcome. That's up to him. So, it certainly doesn't mean to stop trying, [music] and it doesn't mean to be passive, and it doesn't mean to ignore reality. What it means is stop carrying what isn't yours. Get out of the way and let Hashem do his [music] work. Be involved and invested in your shidduch. Stop trying to [music] solve shidduchim. So, I know this can be painful, and I know it requires patience. But remember, you're not behind, and you're not broken, and this [music] isn't as big as it feels. And if you're willing to let go and let God, if you let him carry your shidduch with you, it'll feel a little bit lighter. If this helped you feel a little lighter, please consider sharing it with someone else who you think is being weighed down. [music] And I'm really looking forward to sharing more ideas to help and support you along this journey.