Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 90): Honesty is Such a Lonely Word - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning in boca to hope everybody is well and pumped up for our ten minutes of meaning in which we are continuing to learn musculoskeletal instruction for how to live our best selves how to live our most perfect cells how to set goals and create resolutions to achieve them to unlock our potential the best of ourselves to make the biggest impact and to be able excuse me to leave the biggest legacy in our lives i want to thank our generous sponsors of the series for the year our dear friends lenny and khani grundstein who sponsor remember honey's amazing father aaron benits like mr aaron tambor who's no shamash thank you grundsteins for all that you do for us and for our community and for your generous sponsorship we are in the middle of the chapter of nichias of cleanliness how to rid ourselves and purge ourselves of the type of behaviors and the type of uh habits that we have formed that are not our best selves that sabotage our best selves that harm and damage our relationships and our relationships in the three realms in which we live i've been saying often that people mistakenly think we live in two realms a relationship with god in relationship with people around us but i would say during this pandemic many of us are discovering what is one of the most important relationships in our lives if not the most important which is the relationship we have with ourselves what are the conversations we have with ourselves what are the dreams and aspirations what are our fears and our biggest worries who are we when no one else is around how are we when no one else is around it's what we discover about ourselves when we go into a lockdown or retreat a quarantine when we're not integrated fully into that world ben adam latsmo who are we and what are we in the relationship with ourselves not just the composite of the people around us not just meeting the expectations not just with competing with the lifestyle the people around us but who are we in our core who are we when the rubber meets the road who are we and how we want to be thought of and the legacy we want to leave and the impact and the difference that we want to make so the media of nichias is self-reflection introspection it is examining our lives and it's saying what are the qualities what are the character traits what are the behaviors that if i want to be my best self if i want to be thought of the best by others what do i need to work on and improve how am i perceived am i an envious anxious person and am i arrogant person do i get angry often is it about me am i an ego person or am i a selfless giving person am i going to write an article today please god for this week coming up to the first year site of my dear friend rabbi dr brian galba brian was a connector am i a connector or a divider do i bring people together do i make connections with those around me or do i divide with judgment do i divide with hyper criticism do i divide by trying to marginalize am i a connector am i a promoter am i a divider who am i and how am i perceived by others so that says it begins with the heroes mindfulness caution and then it turns to zurich's alacrity zeal set goals make resolutions go pursue them and make them happen and now we're up to the media of nikeis we're up to the media of when i'm living a disciplined mindful life i'm able to stop and say to myself is this what i want to say is this what i want to do is this how i want to be perceived and in that context that has been going through one by one how to eliminate vulgarity and profanity how to be careful with our eating habits healthy living and a healthy lifestyle how to now we're up to being careful with our language last we spoke about the context the concept of shavuos which is our parsha matasmasi nadarum now we're starting with being careful with our words the promises the pledges we make are we punctual when we tell someone we're going to be there a certain time do we show up on time when we told them we're going to do something do we follow through is our word our bond does it mean anything or are we casual with our words do our words actually not have any meaning whatsoever so we're up to the following moves over into the world of lying people who lie and there are three categories or three levels of liars there are pathological liars where how do you know that they're not telling the truth because they've opened their mouth pathological liars who lie and i'll tell you we all know some pathological liars you know someone's a pathological liar when they lie for no reason at all when they didn't need to lie they're not covering their tracks they're not covering themselves they're not trying to impress you there's no gain by their lie the person who lies for no reason no benefit no gain is simply because they're a pathological lie or a pathological exaggerator a pathological disorder is category number one and then i'll move over to the category of those who mix lies and truth those who have a general fidelity to the truth but they can't help but once in a while they move in and they mix in a lie and then you have the sporadic liars the people who lie because they're caught they're in trouble i'm five minutes away even though you're 20 minutes away i'm here even though you're supposed to be there because you know you don't want to be be caught the people who uh sporadically lie to cover themselves but still are violating their own character by their inability to be loyal to the truth vine vashikurugam holy ra says lying not being loyal to the truth is a widespread illness honesty is such a lonely word as one of the great jewish poets of contemporary times has written and sung honesty is a lonely word it's a holy ra it's a terrible terrible illness varsheker naspashi mobiledom and it has spread wide ula madregos madrigos yishpo it has many levels to it by the way media social media real news fake news fake social media it has become a platform that has enabled us to spread the idea of lies greater and faster and larger than any other medium that has come before think about social media how many people exaggerate how many people lie how many people post things that aren't vetted is you have people who their entire life lifestyle livelihood is intertwined with lying with exaggerating with being provocative with being salacious there are people who continuously create total fabrications why because they want to be included as if they're smart insightful wise they want to be turned to as an expert so they position themselves as an expert on something that they have no expertise in whatsoever the odin's as if they know a lot valema and about them the posix says hashem say shakker passage your lips uttered lies your tongues give voice to injustice lips and lie are the abomination of the eternal and this is particularly poignant in the time in which we find ourselves we are in the three weeks we're in a time of exile who said i don't want to live with you in the same house i'm destroying my base on mikdash and we're dividing we're we have irreconcilable differences i'm moving out we need to go through a period of separation and what is the impetus what provokes hashem to take this drastic and dramatic measure because of behavior like this we're going to see hashem signature is truth his logo his emblem what he stands for is truth because the ultimate of truth an inability to lie to this story to manipulate and so he says to live with somebody who i don't know whether to tell me the truth somebody who doesn't follow through on their promise and pledge somebody whose word is not their bond somebody who will exaggerate and distort i can't live with you i can't live with you so yeshua navi the great isaiah the prophet when they reflect on the destruction these three weeks in which we're not getting haircuts and shaving and listening to music and we're in this period of deep mourning for this deep reality that with all the period of redemption and the miracle of the modern state of israel we still don't have hashem dwelling fully in our midst we still don't have a baseline dash to visit and to turn to and to find comfort in and the navi and the prophets tell us why you shall not he tells us why it's not because we weren't obedient as we needed to in ritual religious life although of course that's critically important and we should always seek to grow in that area but rather it's the interpersonal relationships because where's your sense of justice where's your fighting for right from wrong where are you taking care of the vulnerable and among the things that the prophets call us out on is where's your loyalty and fidelity to truth you're a people you're a generation that proliferates lies that just spreads manipulations and distortions truth doesn't mean anything to you you have no problem lying you have no problem exaggerating you have no problem misreporting you have no problem bending the truth and breaking it all together and narakasbar has no tolerance for ghosts and that's what the gemara says in sota that there are four categories of people the almighty does not want to dwell in their midst there are four categories of people that none of us want to be around we all know those pathological liars that the way you know that they're telling a lie is that the fact that their lips are moving they're telling you a story it never happened that way they're telling you something that happened to them they're taking a credit for a success we all know it didn't happen it's not true they're acting like an expert in something they don't know what they're talking about they're telling you no problem i'm gonna call you i'm gonna be there i'm gonna write that check i'm gonna give that donation i'm going to show up they're never reliable it's not going to happen chris barclay says just like you don't want to be around such a person i don't want to be around such a person and if you're a generation of such people i don't want to be around you i'm simply taking a break so one of the things that we need to work on how timely we're learning this now in these three weeks one of the things we need to work on is our sense of truthfulness faithfulness are we reliable dependable are we faithful to our word to our commitments they don't walk around peddling and selling their lies it's not people who are pathological liars who lie for no reason but when they're telling a story they'll exaggerate facts they'll exaggerate the way it comes to them they don't need to they just exaggerate and it becomes second nature to them it becomes second nature to exaggerate vehemently and you know what the consequence you know what the reality you know what the punishment is for the person who perpetually exaggerates nobody ever trusts them nobody ever trusts them even when they're telling the truth people are suspicious of them because you know you ever been with someone when something happened and then you're with them when they're repeating that story to someone else and you're like i i was there that's not the way it happened yeah the kernel of it is true the seed of it is true but you have introduced facts that never happened features that never occurred you have exaggerated and it was totally unnecessary the event the story was worth telling without your exaggerations so you know what happens to such a person the next time you're with them they may be telling you the truth but you're suspicious of them you don't accept them at face value they've lost they have lost the trust for the the trustworthiness it's become ingrained within them this is what our prophet not yeshua this time is jeremiah year miyahu lim du leshonum da bersheker haave nilu if you accustom your tongue to tell lies you've exhausted with wrongdoing meaning nobody will trust you what we have is our word that's our reputation that's the impression we leave that's the legacy we leave on others do we want to be said about us oh they told you you could take that to the bank whatever they said they mean they follow through whatever they say you know you could take as god's word it's 100 true or do you want to be the type of person who exaggerates and lies and distorts and manipulates and there's nothing trustworthy about what we say who do we want to be and how do we want to be perceived and that comes back to the mindfulness with everything we say with everything we do is it worth it is it worth it the reaction from the story by exaggerating to make a person happy to be a people pleaser and therefore say something that we have no intention and no ability to follow through on or do we be a straight shooter our word is our bond what we say is what we mean we speak the truth and we're loyal to the truth i don't want to say at all costs because there are circumstances where you can bend the truth which make it complicated and a slippery slope but is the core the foundation of who we are a connection and a commitment to truth please god we'll pick up with this next week everyone's invited 8 45 living with emunah and tonight 9 pm we go behind the bmw with the great charlie harrari looking forward 9 p.m tonight if you're watching on youtube please subscribe to our youtube channel see everyone back in 15 minutes have a healthy happy and holy day