Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 84): The Severity of Verbal Abuse - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning berkutov and welcome back to our weekly ten minutes of meaning very grateful to our generous sponsors for the year honey island Greenstein a memory of Connie's father mr. Tambor our own Ben you took our learning should be Analia for his neshama we are learning their own pal or moshe haim with sato the famous and the great path of the just Macedo which is providing a formula for us about how to live our best lives how to achieve our most how to at the end of the day feel a pride in who we were how we behaved and what we accomplished we began with the hero set a live a life of mindfulness and consciousness and consciousness how to not simply say everything that comes to our mind and not to do everything instinctively and impulsively that enters our heart but how to live with a sense of mindfulness as a heroes how to be careful and cautious and choosing everything that we do we then moved over to the world of Zuri's us alacrity zeal in thoose ii Azzam to set goals and make resolutions to make a plan of how to pursue it how to achieve it and to go and to get it done with zeal with enthusiasm and with alacrity and now we've been studying the character trait the media of Nikias the quality of how to purge and eliminate those temptations those desires those appetites from our repertoire the things that will corrupt us and compromise us the things that will sabotage the best version of ourselves how to not simply combat them and overcome them but in fact that I'm Klaus teaching us how to eliminate them altogether we spoke about the temptation for gays oh when it comes to money everybody wants more whoever has the money wrote some aside we have a hundred you want 200 you're on the Forbes 400 you want to be on the Forbes 40 you want to be number one and the drive for money and for more can cloud people's judgment and lead them astray we then spoke about the universal pull towards promiscuity sexuality that clouds judgment that makes people sabotage success have poor decision-making we then talked about the third area is profanity in the way that we speak in the emails that we send and the jokes that we tell the profanity not only in behaviour profanity and speech that I'm how taught us all about and then we moved over to the world of eating habits and he talked about one of the greatest areas of Nikias that we can purify ourselves is not simply to go through a daily grind in battle and to conquer the appetite an urge to eat the wrong things at the wrong time in the wrong measure but really to eliminate him to realize that we we eat to live we don't live to eat that and food has to be the fuel that nourishes us and only things with nutritional value only the things that will power the rest of our day should go into our system and that brings us up to para que Dolloff we're in the middle when a bear a toccata imam adenine I know Adam I've never spent any other McKean with some system cow let's now talk about the mistakes that derived from the social milieu where people meet in congregate let's talk about what happens when we interact with other people what happened the opportunities that we have to really compromise ourselves Keigo known as de varam for example verbal abuse Habanos poem embarrassing causing shame and others how shall I say evaporates a giving poor advice rutila's gossip Samia hatred nickimja revenge Shavuos lying in God's name to Varsha care taking something falsely bending the truth exaggerating kill hashem desecrating ashrams name kami jamani kc mayhem who can at the end of any given day say I didn't lose my temper I didn't gossip I didn't feel any sense of animosity or hatred I never had any jealousy or envy of anyone every word out of my mouth was not exaggerated my Oda was entirely truthful who can say my entire life all I've done is kiddush Hashem I've never once failed Hashem and I've desecrated his name see how a hearty mash my bum who can say I'm pure from guilt in any of these areas can fame have been the document mode I sure he's on a boat Aria Caudill says that I'm have these prohibitions they're so numerous and there are so many details and minutiae such subtle distinctions it's difficult it's difficult to follow them faithfully and yet that is the measure of a person it's who we are yes religiously and yes righteously we're measured by the learning that we do and the dominating that we recite it's important it's part of who we are it's not enough to be a good person you also need to be a person who's obedient and observant of what I shall expect from us and that has to do with the D tells the minutia of Halawa however if you do all of that and you neglect the arena and the area have been other Mahavira how we treat other people what governs and regulates our interpersonal interactions it is to sum total of a person it's who we are not only who we are it's how others not only judge us but they judge Hashem they look towards religious people and religious personalities and they say are they courteous are they kind are they honest are they faithful are they trustworthy are they essentially good because as hard as they shot go as much as they learn as righteous and religious and scrupulous and vigilant as they are and the areas between I mean God if they don't treat people if they're not trustworthy in business they're not reliable as friends then what's it all worth so people's entire experience and relationship with Hashem it's an enormous responsibility that we bear often depends on our conduct and the way we behave ourselves so now that I'm crowns gonna go through these one by one and encourage us and urge us and charge us to achieve in the kiyose to be able to know that not only can we combat and overcome each of these areas we have the ability to eliminate them we have the ability to bring out and live our best selves own our own barrel of verbal abuse the debrief may have a role Avadh it means to speak in the presence of another person she / she men who in a manner that will embarrassed that person so do we do we speak in a condescending way do we speak in a superior arrogant way do we speak in a way do we measure our words to evaluate will they embarrass another would we want that set about us we want to set about us in that way in that place in front of those people Oh nos varam how do we speak how do we use that gift that power we've spoken so many times if you can speak if you can articulate it is a gift it is a gift my wife's grandmother had a significant stroke unfortunately / young Tiff's and we Davin for her for a voice lemma but she's left right now with the inability to speak it's it's her worst nightmare it's many people's worst nightmare to have a stroke or to have a condition where you're able to understand everything around you but not be able to communicate back you can't talk you can't communicate you can't articulate it's a it's a nightmare for people it's an absolute nightmare for people speech is a gift we wake up and if it flows freely we take it for granted whatever comes my mind I can just say I can say it whenever however to whomever speech it just flows it just flows but you know every word is a gift every word of his inestimable value ask that stroke victim ask you how with the grandmother right now ask so many others who are lying there and they have so much to say and no way to say it no way to communicate it every word is gold every word is a gift and do we waste it do we squander it do we misuse it and abuse it that's owned as varam that's what it means to not recognize to not be grateful for it to not measure to not be careful to not protect and guard that gift speech should be used to build and to construct and to elevate and to enrich and to transform and to build bridges of the bond Kshama should never be used for the opposite to incite to destroy to knock down to become descending or arrogant to marginalize her to make someone else feel bad Koscheck an immutable figures - a much more lasses lamai some she gonna leave oh Sh all the more so not only to allude to something that will you milli eight and embarrass another but to explicitly embarrass somebody to explicitly do something that will humiliate who masha I'm America's are that's what our rabbi said in my about true volume are low score my aha Harry shown him you know someone is about truly you don't say hey I remember use the drive in Shabbos remember we used to eat the cause of moths hey you remembered before you lost all that weight you remember when you used to curse like a banshee before you cleaned up your act you remember when you used to you think that you're nostalgic you think that it's a throwback you think that you're positioning yourself that you're better because you never went through that process so nice forum you're humiliating someone you're embarrassing someone it could be your child your spouse it could be your friend doesn't matter who admire you hallowed by my love though your mother could die from a family of the hardened immune Akiva avid and similarly if your friend was sick don't say like Eve's friends said to him do you recall any man being guiltless and being destroyed it in other words remember when he went through that horrible diagnosis in an illness it's because Hashem was punishing you you were going through that because obviously you needed to you had done something wrong it was neither can I get me that that's not our way who says such a thing who heard such a person a person for themselves should try to understand and extract why am I going through this what am I meant to learn what am I meant to grow what am I meant to understand how am I meant to be better from what I'm going through that's for the individual who's going through it but for you to turn to someone going through a hard time and say going through the hard time because clearly I am feels you're something to learn that's horrific ly abusive mi cámara of action a minute volume I'm like oh it's a pony Schumacher to do dare Bush Lamar for me I'm of if somebody's trying to buy a particular item you don't say oh I think so and so goat sells it go go to him when you know they don't sell it and now you've set up a humiliating interaction look foreigners are from the Bravo Godwin asrani oh noes maman she's any member of a race in Makaha there's a loner member very similar Kepha a rabbi said that verbal abuse is worse than monetary extortion you're not allowed to overcharge Ana's Mahmoud is a significant probation Latura you're not allowed to overcharge by 1/6 you're not allowed to extort somebody or exploit them you're not out of overcharge there's a market value and the market value the fair market value governs the commerce Jewish perspective of Commerce so there are laws that govern you can't overcharge just because you could get away with it there's a pandemic so now you're gonna raise the price of your masks tenfold it's called the Naz d'Ivoire I'm gonna take advantage of people it's a biblical prohibition a horrific biblical prohibition and yet our rabbi say who knows the forum that verbal abuse is worse than monetary obese coach Kahneman behravesh behead your son you know I'm a member I'm in Oklahoma Hama you humiliate you embarrass you abuse you extort you exploit somebody in public you bring shame to them in public you embarrass on in a public setting it's literally as if you murdered them why are they called a mob Bambenek Rivero you embarrassed somebody how mob doesn't mean to embarrass the word I'm album means the white a mob unlike the white on one's face what happens when you embarrass somebody the blood rushes to their face and then it drains the person's left there they're white as a ghost you embarrassed humiliated you a mob and Pinette cavero you turned the face of your friend why you drained it of all its blood you embarrassed humiliated you took a portion of their life you aged them you took away their dignity you murdered a piece of them bomber eristic Oh char Minar lu puts me sherry on the moment was our College broken if I initially eludes me oh no can I borrow who cause borrow who exacts retribution through an agent through a messenger for everything but Oh nah he comes directly he has no tolerance he has no patience because we're family we love one another would you do that to your brother - sister - son to your daughter would you extorted when you embarrass them when you verbally abuse them unfortunately for many of the answers yes they would but all Jews are our brothers and sisters are our family all human beings are B'Tselem elokim it's not how we treat anybody it's not how we treat anybody and you want to extend an alarm or end with this to be discriminatory or racist or bias to denigrate through use derogatory names or language or references to look down on others we're botella McKim probably should never be tell them were created in the image of God we forfeit our very godliness are very humanity if we if we mistreat and speak to people not only in our actions but also with our words the Amish lotion enup are good men on Bethlehem there are three people their sins to curtain cannot be sealed the FMA hamona and one of them is onna so we'll stop here for today but we should measure that gift us if we think about endowment for my wife's grandmother what a stroke who no longer can speak for now hopefully temporarily we hold on to how precious that gift of every word we can say and those who can speak freely take that responsibility seriously measure every word use it to uplift to build to enrich to transform never God forbid the opposite when we back here again in in 15 minutes 8:45 living with Emunah same zoom channel Facebook and YouTube blog if you're on YouTube please subscribe image oh yeah and tonight 9 o'clock special edition of behind the Bema on contemporary events in a very meaningful thoughtful way not a clock hope to see everybody there