Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 154): Independent Love - Mesillas Yesharim

Good morning and welcome back to 10 minutes of meaning. Please help yourself to coffee and donuts. Celebrate a freilichen Shushan Purim Katan. Wonderful to be able to have a multiple opportunities to celebrate Purim and Shushan Purim this year. Want to thank our 10 minutes of meaning series sponsor for the year Jeffrey Gelb in memory of Meshulam ben Dov ben Shimon ben Baruch ben David ben Avraham Cohen. And all of our learning is dedicated for a speedy complete and painless refuah shleimah for Esther Teela bas Aryeh Leib ben Avraham and Carmela Shaya ben Reza. We are in the 19th perek of Mesillas Yesharim. Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto has been taking us through this formula, through this march to become better versions of ourselves. Which will not happen because we wish it. Piazzitzer Rebbe writes so beautifully Chomas HaTalmidim in Shaarei Avodah writes the difference between a resolution and a wish. A wish is I wish tomorrow morning I'd wake up and be 20 pounds lighter. I wish that tomorrow morning I'd wake up and be more patient. I wish tomorrow morning I'd wake up and I'd know Shas by heart. Those are wishes and the wishes bear little real resemblance to reality. A wish is a hope and a wish is a dream. A wish is unlikely and borderline impossible to happen. A resolution is a plan. A resolution is a determination. A resolution is a decision. I want to take care of my health and wellness. I want to daven better. I want to learn more. I want to improve my middos. I want to enrich my relationships. Here's my plan. Here's my timeline. Here are the metrics through which I will measure it. Here's how I will become and improve and be a better person. It's a totally totally different totally different type of thing. So Mesillas Yesharim the Ramchal is telling us that in order to be the better and best versions of ourselves, we can't live off of wishes. We're not going to wake up and be transformed to those people or to be living those lives. We have to make a resolution. You got to have a plan. You got to live with zehirus and zerizus and nekius and prishus and so on and so forth all the way leading up to chasidus. Not a wish and a dream, but a resolution and a plan. Chasidus has been all about how to not be satisfied with good but strive for great. How to not get get away with the minimum, but how to be a maximalist. How to try to do above and beyond. To go above and beyond today's daf yomi. Eilu d'varim she'ein lahem shiur. These are the things that there is no measure. You're not maxed out. You're not capped out. Go for more. Strive for more. Reach for higher. Don't be satisfied with the lowest common denominator. Don't set the bar low, but strive, have ambition for great. So we talked about that in the in the character trait of yirah and now he's moved over to the character trait of ahavah. Mi zeh ohev es Hashem Yisbarach, ohev me'itas, whoever loves God a true love, an intimate love, whoever has a real affection for Hashem, lo yaniach avodas Hashem tamim sheba'olam im lo ya'oness mamash. If you're in love, if you long, if you crave, then you will not abandon unless you have no choice. Someone who loves their child will be there, will take a bullet, will jump in front of a car, will do anything in the world. Someone who's in love romantically with their spouse just craves time together. Just wants to be able to confide. And the only thing that will separate them is when they have to be apart. When they have to be working, when they have responsibilities. Lo yistareach l'ritzoso u'pitoach l'avodas Hashem ad she'yavo ha'eikuv im lo ya'eikuv godol she'einam ayu. It's a sign of a struggling or dysfunctional relationship if you you know, when you see the other person's name on the caller ID, does your heart skip a beat? Are you so excited you can't press answer fast enough? Can you not wait to hear what they have to say and be able to confide in them? When you see their name on the caller ID, do you go ugh? Can I ignore again? How many times can I ignore in a row before I'm called out? Do I have a good excuse why I can't answer? How quickly can I get off the phone? Does your heart skip a beat? Or does your stomach turn in knots? That will tell you everything about the relationship. Sometimes young people ask me, "We're dating and how do I know and how do I feel?" And I think that's an amazing barometer. When you see the other person on the caller ID, what does your gut tell you? What's your reaction? Does your heart skip a beat? Are you excited to be able to answer? You could be married. There are people married 20, 30, 50 years. Still, the other person calls them, so excited. And there are other people that have been married for 5 minutes and the other person calls them like a velt, how do I get out of this? How can I press ignore? How many times how quickly can I press ignore? So the Ramchal is telling us the same is true in our relationship with Hashem. When we have an opportunity to spend time with Hashem, we just concluded a minyan. We're about to start the next minyan. Does your heart skip a beat? I love the words of the siddur. I can't wait to talk and confide. I can't wait to thank him and protest and ask him and just open up my heart to him. Or do you krechtz, ugh, another minyan, another davening, another siddur. Another announcement. Another announcement. Yeah, my stomach turns in knots. While your heart while your heart skips many beats. But we love your announcements, Yaya. But that's the litmus test. That's the metric to measure any relationship in life and also our relationship with Hashem. And just like the relationships in life, if we're krechtzing, if our stomach's turning in knots instead of our heart skipping a beat, we have to ask ourselves why and what can we do about it? How can we improve and how can we invest ourselves and what outside support and therapy do we need? What book can I read? How much more time do I need to spend? And the same is true in our relationship with Hashem. It should be a love affair. It should be romantic. We should crave that time, that opportunity. We should feel fulfilled by confiding. In eizo se'ah midah adam nimdach ba'ah lo zocha l'chasidus l'shaim shamayim u'l'shaim elyon. This is a coveted virtue that the early chasidim, the rishonim were privileged to have. Kema'amar David HaMelech alav hashalom David HaMelech said in Tehillim, and I think Avraham Fried made famous, like the deer cries longingly at the brook for water. The deer that's parched, the deer that's thirsty, the deer that's been running and playing all day is so thirsty, so dehydrated, that deer runs to the brook and can't wait to lap up the water. Tzama nafshi l'Elokim kema'amar David HaMelech tzama nafshi l'Elokim. My soul thirsts for you, Hashem. When will I merit to come? When will I merit to come? L'eimah nischaf avgan k'chol nafshi l'chatzos Hashem. Pasuk says, when will I merit to come, to feel close, to be in your courtyard. Tzama nafshi k'chol nafshi k'chol basari. The Rebbe Chabad made famous that and again, tzama nafshi k'chol nafshi k'chol basari. Hashem, my soul thirsts for you. All these descriptions of David HaMelech are not I got to go to another minyan. Do I have a good excuse? Still Corona. The end of the spike, maybe it's better I shouldn't. Are we looking for ways out or are we looking for ways in? Do we count down to when we get to go or do we count down to when it's over? Stoliner Rebbe describes this romantic love and this thirst. I'm dehydrated spiritually. I'm so thirsty. Please give me a drink, Hashem. Tzama nafshi, my soul is thirsty for you. My soul wants to know and feel, wants to be on fire. Tzama nafshi. K'ayol sarog al afikei mayim. Kenafshi sarog l'Elokim. My soul sarog l'Elokim, it's crying, it's yearning for you. I can't wait to spend time with you. Kol zeh mi'toch avodas ha'tshukah she'yeish tshukah l'Yisbarach. This is all tshukah. Tshukah is a thirst. A thirst. Our parshah deals discusses being mevakesh Hashem in the olam ha'zeh. Our parshah uses the loshon mevakesh Hashem. Those who are seeking and searching, those who are hungry. See there with the Targum, how the Targum translates what it means to be a mevakesh Hashem. Hungry, thirsty. Kinyan ma she'amar David HaMelech k'chatan es nafshi. Nafshi b'sichas laylah u'fuchi. Quotes many many psukim that all describe for David HaMelech, he was writing romantic cards to Hashem all the time. You know, last year one of our members Zev Raiten lost his his father, a very very special man. And at the shivah, he showed his father used to leave love notes for his mother. They were married 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Embarrassed newlyweds everywhere. Put put the shana rishona people to shame. Married 40, 50 years, little love notes every day she would find. All over the house, left for her. Just love it, just overflowing that love, that affection. So that's what David HaMelech, all of Sefer Tehillim is, is love notes to Hashem. Can't get enough. So the real question that the Ramchal is challenging us, you want to be a chasid, don't just check off I davened, I put on my tefillin, I put on my tallis, check, check, check. I hit my daf yomi, I put my dollar in the pushka, check, check, check. Done with God, finally I can go on with my day. Now I can go do the things I enjoy. I could read the paper and go to work and I could catch up on the thing that No, it's got to be love and long to be with Hashem. That's the connection. So Hashem, it should be a relationship. And all of the variables and contributing factors, all of the measures and metrics we use to evaluate all the other relationships in life are what we should use to evaluate and to improve our relationship with Hashem. Is there electricity? Is there romance? Do we spend time? Do we communicate? Do we long? Is our stomach in knots or does our heart skip a beat? One more sentence. U'venei Yisrael vadai she'avah zo she'lo t'luyah b'davar t'luyah b'davar. D'ein she'ohev es Hashem Yisbarach she'me'itiv elav mashlim u'matzliach oso l'chol avodaso u'l'chol avodaso she'avah t'luyah b'davar she'tivah k'neged ha'avodah hazeh. Kema'amar ki Hashem Elokecha Elokecha. He says, you know, there are two types of love one can have in the world. The Rambam writes this in Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah. The Rambam talks about there are two types of love. Ahavas Hashem. There's an ahavah t'luyah b'davar and ahavah she'einah t'luyah b'davar. We have a dependent love. A dependent love is you do for me, so I love you for what you do for me. You provide, you give, you enable, and therefore my love, my whole relationship is predicated and it is about based on you do, you provide for me, so I love you in return. And you see this all the time when it comes to politicians. When you have an elected official, they love the constituent and the constituents love them, and there's an enormous amount of superficial ahavat tuluya b'dever going on. And the way you know that is because if that congressman serves one term and is voted out in the next cycle, all the love is lost. They don't love him anymore, he doesn't love her anymore, everyone forgets each other's name and deletes them their contact from their phone. It's an avah, there are exceptions to the rule, there are genuine real relationships, and they're beautiful. I don't mean to overgeneralize, but it's a world of ahavat tuluya b'dever. You do for me, I love for you. But that's not what we strive for in our relationship with Hashem. You provide, you give, you donate, you support, and therefore I love you in return. No, it's an ahavah she'einah tuluya b'dever. It's an ahavah, it's a love which is from afar, from a distance. Even if I receive nothing, I love and admire you for who you are, what you stand for, what you represent, what you teach, what you bring and do in this world. We'll talk more about this when we continue b'ezrat Hashem next week. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy. We continue at 4:45 living with the moon at 9:00 tonight. Go behind the bema with Elan Twig, incredible farmer keeping shmita in Israel. Have a great day.