Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 138): A Pious Friend to Hashem and to People - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning welcome back to 10 minutes of meeting our weekly study of mesila susharam the great work of the ramchad of moshe ludsato who chartered a path for all of us to be able to live a better life a better self to achieve as much as we can a sense of self actualization self per perfection a magnificent formula for living life to its fullest from mindfulness to alacrity to purging our bad qualities to living a life of discipline and of sovereignty i want to thank our generous sponsor anonymously of 10-minute meeting series for the year in memory of doctor stanley schweitzel bin david mississippi david mr amreem ben abram thank you so so much to our anonymous sponsor if you'd like to sponsor a future share brsonline.org sponsor brsonline.org sponsor we uh continue we're on paraguay test we are in chapter 19 of mississippi and we have been not only having defined what the media of khasidas is we're now talking about how to achieve it to be hosted means not to wear a furry hat and not to wear a long paist to be a hustle is not about identifying with a certain mode of dress or a certain era of jewish history being akhasa is a mentality it's a way of life it's an attitude it's living a life of piety it's going above and beyond and not getting away with the bare minimum of all that we do we begin by describing what that means in the area of money to not simply spend the least to not get away with the least but to go above and beyond i mentioned when people ask me what quality and what expense of mezuzah should they buy i ask what kind of car do you drive commensurate with the life that we live in pampering ourselves in achieving pleasure for ourselves should be what we expend what we spend on the mitzvos we do do we want to get away with the bare minimum when we buy our dallad minimum our little vanessa our filling when we adorn our shabbos table or do we want to live the way we do in other areas of our life trying to have nice clothing nice jewelry nice car and so on and so forth the rambha continues and he says benefish what does it mean to be a husset what does it mean to pursue piety in the area of spirituality it means to do whatever you can to bring the other person satisfaction to make the other party happy whether it has to do with their cover their honor whether it has to do with other areas or arenas of life so what does it mean to me a good friend is not to get away with the bare minimum to be a good friend is not to duck your head or hide or withdraw when your friend needs something to be a good friend is to know a friend so well that you anticipate their needs you predict their needs you fulfill their needs you exceed their expectations that's what it means to be a good spouse a good friend a good colleague a good family member it means to go above and beyond to be hosted not just to get away with the least you can do but in fact to predict to anticipate to do more than is expected of you to go above and beyond to given because what it means to be a good friend is to not aggravate is to not exacerbate it's to not compound the stressful situation to be a good friend is not to ask questions that with no filter that are none of your business just because you're curious even though it will put the other person on the spot to be a good friend is not to um rely or pressure or create more problems but rather beschum mines it's to remove it's to relieve it's to alleviate whatever pressure whatever stress whatever problems are there that's the goal of a friend the friend is not to make things more complicated your friend is making a simchat's corona it's so complicated on how you're going to do it and now you're going to come insist what table you sit at what friends you're with what has to happen you're just making your friend's life harder not easier to be a husset of a friend to be a pious friend to be a good friend to be a friend who goes above and beyond is to try to make our friends lives easier not harder simpler not more complicated to be part of the solution not part of their problems to treat others how we would want to be treated if we're going through a difficult time then it means to not we wouldn't want the whole world knocking on our door we want the whole world satisfying their curiosity by poking their noses in places it doesn't belong so we shouldn't either ask ourselves am i husted of a friend am i a pious good friend do i try to make my friends lives easier to anticipate do i go on beyond do i exceed their expectations do i take away and relieve their pain or do i add to it um and along the same line says that to be ah to be pious in friendship and into personal relationships is to pursue peace you know some people get a thrill some people love the controversy they love the tension they make it a bucket of popcorn they pull up their chair to a front row seat and somehow they're entertained somehow they're relieved it's not them somehow sadly and in some bizarre way people derive some pleasure by seeing the conflict the tension between others but that's not the jewish way that's not who we are to be a hustler of interpersonal relationships is to thrive on peace is want to pursue peace is to bring about peace to be forgiving and foregoing to let it go to not harbor to not stand on ceremony to not contribute and to not thrive leave that whatsapp group or that email chain that's simply about much locus about conflict drop out of that conversation pivot change the conversation move on but don't participate don't contribute to much locus to strife to conflict that's not being a good friend that is not what it means to be a khasid says now that i've laid out this this this suggestion so now let me bring evidence from the words of our rabbis even though what i'm saying is obviously i don't need to bring evidence from our great rabbis i don't need to bring statements of khazal to prove what it means to be a good friend with your money and with your soul with your emotions with your heart and with your body these are the three arenas he's talking about in interpersonal relationships he started out beguf you know someone's walking in the room they're carrying something heavy some people pretend they didn't see and others jump and run instinctively intuitively to go help that's our resources are we generous with our resources or are we stingy is it all about ourselves and benefit with our soul do we forgive others are we able to be happy and celebrate with others do we take part in their joy and their success if it's our own or do we have shiten freud do we somehow get some sick pleasure from the failure of others from the stumbling of others for the uh for the lack of success in others do we thrive on mach locus on tension or do we thrive on peace all of this determines all of this is what's about these are the building blocks of what it means to be a husset in friendship and interpersonal relationships of what it means to be a good friend but here in the kingdom of gil it says we have many rabbinic conversations where a student asks the teacher why did you merit such a long life what did you do why do you believe you married a long life so um in this case i said he so i think the reason is that i always honored the place of prayer i never defiled it desecrated it i have never called anyone by a nickname meaning i didn't just humor or get a quick laugh from other people by assigning a nickname to someone who didn't want it didn't want to be called by it and i never failed to make kiddush over wine and shabbos he said furthermore i had an elderly mother once i had an elderly mother once when it was necessary she sold her veil her head covering to obtain wine from me for kiddish we have a case of tremendous piety in the area of being meticulous and vigilant for mitzvos because ozaka was already dissolved from obtaining wine for kiddush he didn't have the mother he didn't have the mother he didn't have the money he couldn't afford it so he was exempt from buying the wine for kiddush and his mother went ahead and sold her sheito lace tap you know how much money that was you know how much that cost you know what a sacrifice it was so he could have a fine wine to make kirish to honor the shabbos to go above and beyond to exceed the expectations to do more than what is asked again toast was there on that gemara says that when he says i never called a friend by a nickname he didn't just mean a disparaging nickname he didn't just mean i never insulted a friend by using a demeaning nickname he says even i just never used nicknames you don't know if a person is really okay with the nickname or not whether they're okay or happy being referred to or called by that name so he went above and beyond he dignified his friends by using their proper name by never using a nickname so it's one example one gemara of what it means to be a hasid in friendship with our body with our resources and with our emotions with our soul to go above and beyond to exceed expectations to do more than what's asked to be a good friend interpersonally and to be a good friend to the almighty to not just get away with a biddy avid life it's good enough it has to be good enough to not strive for good but to have an ambition for great refuna similarly rapuna tied a string around his garment he had sold his belt in order to buy wine for kids she had every excuse in the world he was exempt he could have gotten away without it and yet he sold his belt in order to have the money for wine it's what it means to go beyond in our relationship with hashem in our relationship this is the question to ask ourselves these weeks as we're learning the nineteenth chapter of the susham are we a hasid of friendship are we a fair weather friend or are we up highest friend what kind of friend are we what kind of friend are we to god what kind of friend are we to the people around us what kind of friend are we to our family members do we hide and do we cower and do we look away or do we jump instinctively at the opportunity to help and to be able to make their lives easier we hope others will be good friends to us and we will be good friends to them again if you'd like to sponsor a shir join us at brsonline.org sponsor one easy landing site you can choose the date write the language make the payment and we appreciate all of your support and promoting torah we thank you if you would like to subscribe to our youtube channel you'll be notified in real time every time we go live with a learning opportunity for example 8 45 living with a moon this morning tonight 9 pm you do not want to miss it we are going behind the bema back live with rabbi mosco by brody special guest jose mandelovich the famous russian refuse nick a real hero you do not want to miss the story it's at 9 00 p.m tonight behind thebema.com until next time stay happy stay healthy stay holy