Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 120): Permissible is Not Necessarily Proper - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning booker tova and welcome back to 10 minutes of meaning our weekly time together learning the ramhara moshe lutzattos uh masilis the path of the just giving us a formula and a methodology to how to live our better selves our best selves how to try to uh how to try to perfect our potential realize the potential within us i want to thank our general sponsors for the year honey eleni grunstein in memory of khan's beloved father mr aaron tambor aron ben yitzchak and a special thank you to the sponsor this morning of this morning's particular class roger and lisa gladstone dear old friends in commemoration of the yurt site of burleigh of berlin shmuel which was yesterday thank you for your generosity and mazel tov i'm becoming grandparents on purim muslim to zoe and you have a lot of nachos from your granddaughter we are on the meda of precious the character trait and the quality of abstinence as we've been developing and speaking about the notion that we are entitled to live with when we can learn to live without that the way to be our best selves is to be disciplined is not to be controlled by our temptation and by our desire not to be controlled by what we're drawn to but to be able to say no to be able to say i don't need to be able to say that even if it is permissible technically it's not necessarily good not everything that is permissible is productive and therefore to live our best selves to live our most productive selves is to exercise the disciplined muscle is to maintain the capacity of when to say yes and when to say no that to recognize that not every urge is an action but an urge is a feeling and that i'm allowed to experience the feeling but not indulge it that's the media that's the character trait of precious we're not trying to deprive ourselves we're not trying to deny ourselves we're not trying to restrict ourselves or punish ourselves but our ambition and aspiration for this life for this media of preachers for the ability to live with a sense of abstinence is all about exercising the disciplined muscle to be the best version of ourselves that we are in control of our world we're in control of our urges rather than their being in control of us so we're up to paraguay chapter 14 and a special good morning to nathan zucker who's joining us our friend the pilot from st louis today abstinence the notion of abstinence i hate that word abstinence because we associate abstinence particularly when it comes to sexuality or abstinence and other ways that it's not the virtue judaism is all about pleasure pleasure in intimacy is a mitzvah it's part of the contract between husband and wife pleasure with food is what god wants us to enjoy pleasure in the world that he created so we are not endorsing that it's pleasure is a bad thing or a negative thing pleasure is a virtue and a wonderful thing what we are endorsing what we're learning about what we're trying to adapt in our own lives is how to be disciplined in our attitude towards those pleasures so there are three ways to be disciplined in the yeast precious bahamas there's a notion of discipline from pleasures indulgences in the physical world preachers by denim there's the notion of going above and beyond the letter of the law in jewish law and halachic matters the yes you can get away with the bare minimum and yes that standard would be good enough but imagine what disciplined muscle i grow and i uh and i invest in when i practice a level of discipline within law and preachers bim and hug him the last is abstinence or what we're calling discipline in social conduct something is okay something is allowed but nevertheless i demand of myself more so we're going to define all hapricious baha'is the notion of discipline in the physical world and physical pleasure is what we spoke about already that there is nothing prohibited with a bag of cape cod potato chips and a six pack of beer all fully kosher all perfectly permissible you make a broccoli say a blessing before and you say blessing after it's completely kosher it's not a fast day what's wrong with sitting on the couch and eating three bags of potato chips and completing and finishing an entire six-pack technically permissible nowhere does it say it's prohibited but just because it's permissible doesn't make it productive just because it's permissible doesn't mean it's proper doesn't mean it's right doesn't mean it's good so that we elaborated on previously we should look at and examine we should be judicious and mindful with every pleasure and say do i need this what purpose does it serve is it good for me think about in the world of eating and food how many of us our stomachs our stomach is full and we're eating emotionally we're eating to distract ourselves or to numb ourselves we're eating beyond any definition of what we need so is the food the fuel for our body is that we want to be operating at maximum efficiency we want to be our best selves and so i put into the machine called my body the very best fuel for it or do i put junk and garbage do i put quantities and measures that overwhelm the system rather than nourish and and offer nutrition for it so practicing precious discipline and eating in the area of hana'a of pleasure means yeah the food tastes good but just because the restaurant determined that that was the serving size doesn't mean i need to finish and lick the plate just because the hoster hostess served me that plate in that way just because the food is still sitting there and we're conversing hours later doesn't mean i need to keep going back for more just because the challah so delicious and i have such an appetite that i feel like having my 20th slice doesn't mean it's good for me and so precious and hannah means discipline yeah enjoy god wants us god doesn't say eat bread and water all day eat food with no flavors or spices or tastes enjoy enjoy my world in fact that hashem is disappointed and holds us accountable when we fail to enjoy his world when he says i created a world for your pleasure what are you doing what are you doing not indulging not enjoying it but to what degree and in what measure and at what time and in what way is it serving us or are we serving it and this includes anything that's pleasurable to the senses such as majalos what's our attitude towards food eat eat till you're full eat when you're hungry eat in a way that's delicious and gives you pleasure but do you then have discipline can we create boundaries do we recognize when i don't need to continue to eat it's late at night i shouldn't eat it's my fourth helping i don't need to eat it's garbage i'm putting in i don't need to eat bibilos intimacy is a mitzvah in marriage a husband and a wife have responsibilities and obligations not simply to engage in an empty act but that has to include pleasure but what is over indulgence what is a distraction and temptation that could lead to poor choices and bad judgment there's nothing wrong with being looked together being looked like you're put together there's nothing wrong with being fashionable but do i go into debt to keep up with others am i so caught up that i'm throwing out perfectly good clothing because i need to keep up with the fashion that's happening at such a warp speed betty there's nothing wrong with a vacation recreation to recreate ourselves but where what when how long how much do i spend so all these we need to be discerning and judicious and mindful to extract the meaning in every one of these physical experiences and every one of these physical pleasures that's how we'll operate at our best selves to be our best selves is to be mindful that's the media of the heroes that we spoke about to begin with how can we be mindful and present how can be self-aware and self-conscious and say all that i'm engaging where are the boundaries where are the boundaries god and the torah designed and created me and his world to enjoy and extract pleasure but what are the boundaries there's a fine line between enjoying the pleasures in a way that are productive and enhanced my life that enrich and empower my life or enjoying those pleasures in a way that poisoned my life hapricious by dinam category number two is precious by denim which is disciplined in halachic matters in jewish law la haq s this is a little bit complicated not so clear but saying when our attitude in jewish law is do we get away with the bare minimum is it good enough or do we impose upon ourselves do we volunteer electively to want to do more are we disciplined in saying yes it was good enough but good enough is not good enough for me in my relationship with hashem i want to go above and beyond and i'll give you an example i have this all the time i'm invited to people's homes when they do an expansion or renovation or knock down and build their home rabbi i need you to come look and tell me where to put the mezuzahs and then people most often sometimes they build an enormous house five thousand six thousand seven thousand square feet an enormous house with countless bedrooms and hallways and gateways and archways indoors and outdoors and by the time we're done the count of mezuzas is astronomical double figures are triple figures and you say what's the proper cost of a mezuzah well a good mezuzah not the bare minimum mezuzah but a proper good mezuzah that is excellent that has hidder that has a sense of excellence to it can be expensive multiply that times doorways archways gateways and it's a huge expense that's often not budgeted into these homeowners expense item expense line for that house so some will say rabbi that that's the expense of mesusa what if i just get the bare minimum the basic mezuzah the thirty forty dollar mezuzah why the seventy eighty hundred dollar mezuzah so i always ask the same thing what kind of car do you drive what kind of car do you drive now i have to be careful because i don't wanna give an example that's insulting i drive a honda accord so what kind of car do you drive if you drive the most basic car with no bells and whistles and no extra features if you drive a basic car then get the basic mezuza buy the basic film buy the basic set of esrog and lulav but if you have a luxury car if you have a name brand car if you live in a home or if you indulge in the premiums in other areas of life then how when it comes to the relationship with god could you want to get away with the bare minimum you're not driving those bare minimum you're not wearing the most bare minimum what kind of watch you got a casio digital watch on your wrist are you wearing something a little fancier what kind of watch and what kind of wardrobe and what kind of car do you drive and now you know what kind of mezuzah and villain you should be buying so the second category is precious buddhism to be disciplined in the area of jewish law means that yes technically it's valid legitimate to get away with the minimum but is that who you are and who you want to be is that what it means to be living your best self to be getting away with the bare minimum or to be demanding more in our attitude to this area that is not only part of life but in so many ways defines our life we'll continue next week with the area of discipline exercising that disciplined muscle being mindful in the choices we make to live our best selves join us 845 living with emun if you're watching on youtube please take a moment to subscribe and you will be notified in real time you will be notified in real time when we go live when our next class program or inspirational opportunity comes if you're on youtube take a moment please to subscribe join us 845 living in the moon tonight behind the beam at 9 pm with aj jacobs award-winning author of four new york times bestsellers one of my favorite authors fantastic individual looking forward see you then until next time stay happy