Q&A With Rabbi Efrem Goldberg (Hosted by Nachi Gordon) - Part 7

welcome back everybody thursday night you know what that means questions and answers with rabbi f from goldberg so glad that you can join us once again alrighty let's jump right in you know we like to keep this short um keep the people wanting more so let's do this why am i having problem doing this now rabbi goldberg what's going on how was your week it was a lot better because i was able to listen to behind the bema this morning jacobson yeah that was a good one he's fantastic brilliant and he has such insights and wisdom and we had a very good time with him that's really it's great to hear um how was your week week was good busy a lot going on thank god and most blessed life to be in the position i'm in i wouldn't trade with him how about we jump right in i'm ready let's go okay rabbi from goldberg what is the proper jewish view on illegal immigration whoa jumping right in yeah proper religious view on illegal immigration um you know i try to avoid politics we talked about i think last week about whether totally you try to avoid politics rabbis be weighing in on politics so i'll speak about in a non-political way in saying that i think there are two components to that question one is the word immigration and the other is the word illegal when it comes to immigration the jewish people are very pro-immigration we are very in favor many of us most of us are the beneficiaries of a open and positive immigration policy our parents our grandparents our great grandparents we would likely not be here when we trace our families back most of us didn't and so we uh trace our history and our presence here to immigration so we're grateful we know what it was like when jewish refugees were locked out and shut out boats were turned away and there was nowhere to go so we're sensitive and we care but the other word that's very important was legally illegal jewish law tremendously values dina d'amachu sadina the laws of the land are binding halachically they're not just binding legally in terms of civilly they're binding halal as long as they don't contradict jewish law the laws of the land are binding so we're all for immigration care very much i think we have to be sensitive supportive recognize there are other refugees in the world who need safe haven like we once did however we should encourage and enable and orchestrate it within a legal fashion so there's no honor and chaos we can have a functioning and safe society okay that sounds that sounds good i appreciate that for all those tuning in this is questions and answers where we have from goldberg feel free in the question box below to leave a question we are going to get to some questions that people submitted tonight mr shem um so let's jump right in and choose one of them um this is a bit of an interesting one i think it's i just want to you know really jump into the questions that people are sending in if a young couple with a six-month-old baby gets divorced what is better for the baby for the father to be involved and have a relationship with him but the baby would have that half unstable life and two fathers when the woman gets remarried or for the father not to be involved and the baby would have a more stable life with only one father figure but wouldn't know his real father hold on repeat the question because i didn't follow that the couple get divorced yes it was six month old baby right is it better and let's assume that the the wife is going to get remarried is it better is it better for the the the first father the basis of this question is a little interesting because who's to decide that he shouldn't be involved but let's say yeah i think it's a very clear-cut answer the biological father that child knows is his father and the child's stepfather might play a very influential instrumental role in his life and that child would grow up with tremendous gratitude for the love and affection of the step-father but the biological father the father would genetically contribute who brought him into this world every child craves the love and the affection and the approval of their own father and if a father retreats if a father leaves that to someone else and delegates that love and that care their child knows that that child feels it and it's a source of pain and so i think every child benefits assuming their parents are healthy if the parents are abusive mentally emotionally spiritually it's a whole other story we talked about that one week but we're talking about healthy parents every child benefits when i'm involved in in trying to support and counsel couples who get divorced first of all one of the very first things i say to a couple are getting divorced is love your children more than you dislike one another love your children more than you hate each other because often they want to bad mouth they want to blame they want to control they want to and i say love your children it's all about your children and if you focus on your children there's no reason that even a divorced couple who could not continue to live together amicably for whatever reason they had to dissolve the marriage but there's no reason they can't cooperate and partner when it comes to the good of their children there's no reason they can't cooperate for the simchas for love for parent-teacher conferences to show the child that this wasn't the child's fault and that they equally love the child and the child has a mother and a father even if they couldn't live together they can cooperate together in loving and loving that child so i think in a healthy relationship even if the mother remarries the stepfather should be eager to invite the biological father to be part of that of that child's life okay makes sense the next question is a little bit tougher be very careful the way i ask it okay there's a lot of things that that come in a variety straw a lot of uh i guess called curries or videos of kanyevsky and um some things that people in america could say like rakhim says no internet you know so if i don't listen to that i'm going against the godzilla dar at the same time i go to him i go to kaine for brachas and he is you know known as the goddess and like i don't wanna you know i wanna make sure i stay in line with what i'm asking but i understand the question well you're asking if i go and wait in line for i am depending how much sexy or connections i have how long i have to wait in line am i in the bottom of the stairs on the staircase inside how long am i sitting at the i tendency the question the question is if i wait in line to get a bracha from and i am acknowledging he's the sarhatora god lador then how can i disobey or ignore his rulings such as you're not allowed to have the internet or a smartphone that's the question essentially right yeah i mean it also you know kind was very vocal and and it is stated that refrain isn't 100 support of people getting the code vaccine there aren't many from jews who are are rallying and they're not getting the covet vaccine are those people going against das torah are they going against how does how does one explain a situation like that okay so there's several parts to this question let's unpack it first of all in the vaccine to the best of my knowledge of haim absolutely believes that you need to get the vaccine that's what he's encouraged that's what he's instructed and the people who are quoting otherwise have an agenda they're distorting and they're they're simply uh perverting the words of the garland or that's my understanding number one number two is i don't think it's a contradiction to recognize someone's greatness in torah is unparalleled in his level of diligence as asmada in his singular focus and attention to learning torah at the expense of of everything else for example i read the article biography of his wife of rebecca and kanievsky amazing amazing woman i met her once when i went to a crime for a bracha rebrand gives a buha bracha but when she was alive you could go in the kitchen and hang out with her and talk to her get a bracha and get her get some insight for life and i and i met her she was an extraordinary extraordinary woman that book tells the story she was her daughter that when she would give birth she went from banay brock to yugoslavia to live with her parents reprimand stayed in benebrach and was diligently focused on his learning and only when there was ben asmana when there was a calendar break in learning would he make his way to ushalayam which could have been weeks or months after the baby was born and he would find out his own child's name then when he made it to shalom to find out the baby's birth so again whether that's for all of us whether that's for everyone or many people or whether that's unique to someone who's stature the jewish people rest on his shoulders that we are so fortunate and blessed to live in a time that we have such an individual who is so entirely steeped in torah with no distractions and with no uh exceptions with no competing influences he's kulo kulo torah on the one end that's all true and we should go to him he's mccorbry the source of bracha channels the the chef of the baraka from hashem because he is such a klees a vessel of torah however i'll tell you this i've been to the crime several times there's a sign as you're coming into the apartment that says no smartphones in the apartment technologies austin internet's also smartphones elsewhere no smartphones in the apartment and each time that i've gone and had the privilege of through connections being able to to see him each time i leave the apartment and i get a whatsapp text from a member of the kanyevsky family with a picture of me getting a bracha from ukraine so his own inner huts are members of his own direct family who are the ones who are orchestrating everything going on in that apartment who are well aware of the sign that's hanging took a picture with something what's apt it on something and that's why i don't feel guilty nor do i feel it's a contradiction i think simultaneously we can acknowledge and recognize his greatness try to receive a bracha blessing from it recognize that he has um insight of torah that creates a broader view of the world than those who are not as steeped in torah but also recognize that he represents one form of greatness i once spoke to another goddale another goddess someone who knows papaya was a poster cador undisputed everyone would agree he's a goddess and i said to him you know in the raviosa biography it says and rav avada yose biography it says these girl room were so steeped in torah some know their own children or grandchildren's names they were so focused on torah nothing else took up their attention they didn't even know their names i said i don't understand that and this other goddess answered to me was just like their shiv in panama torah there are seventy faces to torah shivam panam lagotlas there are seventy forms of greatness there are the greatness we have great people who are integrated into this world they're familiar they're aware they're available they're except zaman's that's our moshe feinstein kaminetsky they were a different type of guddell in terms of they didn't have layers of protection of gabayam of shamashim you were they were accessible and available they were steeped in this world they read the newspaper they knew what was going on and they were great in their own ways so there are 70 types of uh torah and there are 70 faces to godless the greatness and the prime represents one but we can simultaneously get a bracha from him while also seeking guidance from one of the other 70 faces of greatness who might understanding where we are the world we live in its factors and variables give us a little bit of a different direction so i don't think it's a contradiction i don't think we have to be bound by it and the last thing i'll say this is the prime is kulo torah a very kashif a person just came back was in israel for sukis and told me they went to go sir and they said reprime of course is still great he's still with it he's still the garland but do not trust anything being said in his name he is incredibly advanced in his age he has tremendous difficulty in hearing it myself and the notion that people can come in and try to manipulate misquote get some nod or indication where they think that they're entitled to speak in his name do not just trust everything that you read and say you hear that the reporter client said that you answered that very very in a very great way um i can resonate with what you're saying in the second part because we do see a lot of things that are are just broadcasted out there in many different ways with our crime signature and his name around it which i wasn't really planning on asking this question but it makes it it makes it very hard it makes it very difficult for a yid in 2021 um to give tzedakah to to give himself in a with a clear conscience with with the real feeling of of real hannah because they know they're giving to something that needs because there's so much this disinformation there's so much while is this campaign legit is the kind of crime really say this and that could really make people jaded because once someone goes down the path of questioning anything they can question everything and therefore you know everything can be questioned nothing is you know pure anymore no campaign is just pure this is this is real how does a jew in 2021 deal with that type of i guess dichotomy there's more pressure on us than ever to be educated consumers because someone knocks on your door or somebody pulls your heartstrings or somebody tells you this is a sad case this was discussed in the jewish social media world a couple weeks ago maybe that's what you're referencing is this notion of these websites that are trying to tug on the heartstrings and say you know this is a case where everyone should dig deep or matching campaign or fund to a large degree and it requires due diligence or requires at least the endorsement of somebody who can be trusted to have done the due diligence you can't necessarily quote rely on the fact that when someone's quoted in someone's name they really said that nor can you rely on how um how absolutely true a story that's being communicated is so i actually think that claudius should find a way i've told the powers that be the major jewish organizations i said it would be a phenomenal contribution which people if we covered the salary of a person who was responsible that if you come to america or you want to come through the internet to america to raise money that you need to be able to um we have somebody who's going to confirm your story they're going to call the doctor they're going to call the hospital they're going to find out about the illness they're going to find out about the the bills the debt they're going to find out about the truth of these of these circumstances before you come and if there would be one certificate literal or virtual certificate that whether you're a colon institution representing a soup kitchen a poor person with a story you can't come collect if you don't have this document a virtual document like a taxi it's like a taxi in new york city needs a certain token correct we would save claudius oil not hundreds of thousands i believe millions of dollars that goes to fraud i won't mention the organizations by name but i can't tell you how many places that tugged on my heartstrings and that i in our community hosted endorsed and said let's do it and we found out later with scandals we found out later soup kitchens that throughout air to throw we thought we were supporting people in need and who were hungry and it turns out that money was going to all the wrong places so we're living in a time where we can coordinate cressed at an unprecedented rate somebody's going through a crisis there's a matching campaign and within hours or days we can cover bills rescue people raise money what a bracha to live in such a time but what an awesome responsibility to make sure that we're only using that mechanism in a responsible way and that we're not squandering the money of course you know that could be going or should be going to places that are worthwhile right you know it's it's so funny you mentioned that this is a this is a real problem it's not really discussed so often it's not a comfortable problem to discuss and it certainly doesn't take away from how much good there are there is you know i was watching a mech game months months ago uh barcelona i recovered from watching them it's okay i'm good now until april but i was watching a mets game and i think on sny they were announcing how thrilled they were that you know they were able to raise the whole season 130 000 for st jude's and i was just like i was laughing rccs could do a campaign and raise five million dollars in literally 36 hours or three days three days i moved i'm gonna do a campaign and raise five million but bonaire doesn't campaign and raises 10 million and it's just unreal the amount of seductive that's being given in the jewish and the from community it's unparalleled in the entire world the organizations that exist the things that we're doing it is unparalleled i think there's a story about renewal they weren't allowed to operate in a certain hospital anymore because because of the amount of kidney donations and they were they were suspected of maybe the donations were on the black market of selling selling organs i had heard a stat that 20 percent of holistic kidney donations are from orthodox jews 20 of holistic meaning someone who's not related or from orthodox shoes so the amount of class said is is just unparalleled at the same time like like everything there's that margin of error there is even if it's one percent like you mentioned it's millions of dollars that are just fumbled and it's going places that we don't really know so for the person who's giving for a giver for someone who says i have 50 000 this year what do i do now what do i do let me research i don't want to do research i want to i want to be able to give you know meaningful minutes sometimes uh sends out about a case and tries to help raise money so you have a process so you have a due diligence that you do to ensure that it's going to a worthwhile place yeah so generally i will i will go ahead and speak to you know the people who are in charge of the campaign they'll they'll you know go through the facts of me and make sure that i'm checking it with the people in charge of the campaign and the people who are in touch with the family and you know i make sure as much as possible the story checks out the facts are the same you know there's only so much to do without actually speaking to the person that's laying in the hospital bed that is going through uh this monster i do agree though that there is a very big you know i guess a void or a gap in sort of the verification process when it comes to currently i guess from seduckas and all of them are raising upwards of 10 15 20 30 000 like this you know right right i don't know i mean what what is someone to do about if someone your kahila were to come over to you and uh and say to you that he has twenty five thousand dollars to taka and he just doesn't know how to um how to manage this this i guess the web of seduce who does he give to how he knows this is legit people are approaching him yes i i think we need to be systematic with it first of all you know to a certain degree it depends on the amounts that we're giving my phone battery was about to die that's why you see me no problem everyone got a little bit dizzy but it's okay yeah sorry all these machinations i'm trying to keep this phone alive um listen people shouldn't complain too much all right robert goldberg's in boca raton right now and i'm in new york and we're able to talk to all of you you know it's like don't ask questions the answer is there's a responsibility now if you're giving you know high dollars you're giving 18 to something you also don't want to see your 18 dollars be used in a fraudulent way you want to do your diligence and make it responsible but the level of risk is a little less when you're writing larger checks and bigger amounts you want to know that it's trustworthy you want to know what's going to a good place so i think that there are organizations that have respectful competent credible people involved then we should look to see that and we should want to see who's the rabbinic advisory who are the lay leadership do they have credibility are they people that are trustworthy is this a fly by night um we want to know what the overhead is some organizations have enormous overhead some organizations allocate a lot of money for the administration they allocate a lot of money to raise the money and there are other organizations where of course there are costs to raise money that's only natural in the organization but the majority gets passed through to the cause that we care about so there's a level of responsibility to do due diligence you wouldn't invest your money frivolously so we have to view sucka as an investment that we want to return on so you wouldn't just some broker walks up to you some guy you see at starbucks or someone you see a jewel says hey would you put a hundred thousand dollars with me i'm a good broker i'll give you a good return you do no research you don't look into them you ask no questions you don't hear any endorsements testimonials any other clients you don't look to get a track record of how they did of course you would ask for all those things before you gave any real money so stuck is also an investment we're not giving it away or writing it off we are investing in a cause in people and an institution we're investing in a future and we want to know that we're getting the return we have to act as diligently to ensure that it's being used right absolutely moving on from this topic uh to another topic that is very important um and we'll try to get a few more questions and there is a big focus and i guess the basic outcome world for girls on sneakers on the exterior although we do know that the biggest part of yiddish guide is about the inside why is there such a focus on the exterior and i guess not to say that there's no focus on on the interior but there's a very very large focus in cloudy sort of sneezing on the exterior how come that is the case yeah i think last week's uh headlines podcast once we're plugging other podcasts i think our friend david luckinstein covered this topic um or someone else who hosted guest hosted the issue of sneeze how do you educate girls i happen to have six daughters and a son so this is for me a topic which is real it's very some ways it's harder to raise sons from what i'm told my son isn't only nine so small a lot of pressure on him a lot of pressure a lot of pressure on young boys a lot of pressure on rabbi sons um and a lot of pressure on the only son but girls it's a big question you know we are all we all know that if you're constantly checking skirt lengths and tightness and giving feedback on clothing and and collar and all that stuff then you could turn someone off because they think you're obsessed with the external you're turning me into an object um you know it's a man's responsibility not to look this is all you care about to a certain degree they're right sneeze is not just a mode of dress yes it is a way of life it's a mindset ostentatiousness in life in homes in cars in jewelry um is is something that is a violation of sunnis the navi mikha told us that's what god wants us to do is ima kaha so it's interesting there's only two places in the torah it says you should be tumbling you should be pure you should be whole you should be sincere with god with god and the answer is because when it when it comes to both of these your level of sincerity your level of trust in god your level of purity who you are inside when no one's there no one's watching the part of you no one can see imagine only god can know and that's your real sense of modesty is not only external that's measured by how you dress but it's who you are inside are you humble are you modest are you grateful or do you think that you're all that you're egotistical you're the the life of the party um i've said a couple times this week and different shirt my wife just told me there's a new store at our mall town center mall in boca raton the name of the store nafee believe me the name of the store is selfie world selfie world you go in there and the store is different scenes and you take your phone and you can take selfies it is a store promoting and geared to and supporting a culture of selfies selfie world we live in selfie world so being selfie world is immodest modesty and sneeze is that the world doesn't need to revolve around you and so it's about um our level of station ostentatiousness it's about the level of consumerism you know there are people who are critical some of the great magazines and newspapers that we know and love and maybe are related to the ads the newspaper i'm not talking about that newspaper in particular but the newspapers and the magazines they run articles about snails and then they have advertisements for pesach programs circus programs morocco trips um jewelry meat barbecues sushi high-end delicacies and food so modesty is not just about dress modesty is about consumerism ostentatiousness a mindset and attitude an ego and then it's also about dress now why are we so bothered by the dress why do we focus on that first of all it's much easier to measure it's much easier to measure you can see it and you can measure it and it's external so it's easier to see than what's really in someone's heart or how they're living or what their attitude or what their personality is number one but number two i'll tell you this i went through an article in the a very promiscuous movie came out a book trilogy that came out as a movie trilogy and tragically you saw in the firm community people with no shame referencing that they read those books or saw those movies and so i put out an article called 50 shades of red and it was how much we should be blushing and feeling shame from being aware of let alone reading or consuming such literature or such movies that we should be ashamed to to people who should freely admit from people people who double the minion learn the daffy me and then we'll talk about loving certain series on cable television or books that they read where's the modesty people who forward memes or gifs people who forward jokes or stories where's the modesty since these is not only dressed we are living in a hyper lewd lascivious promiscuous world a hyper sexualized world and i think the more extreme the immodesty has gone in one direction the more extreme the hyper modesty's gone in the firm world and that's why i think in the end of the day we become somewhat consumed by it and we stress it and emphasize it and we demand it and unfortunately we judge or measure with it because the more the world has become immodest the more that we think that the reaction is to become hyper and obsessively modest and i'm not sure that it's effective i'm not sure that it's effective to the people the young minds that we're trying to shape and mold i think we have to continue to talk to them about self-dignity self-respect that we want people to relate to who they are not as an object but who they are as a person and when a person dresses provocatively and be very clear you could cover your knees and elbows but be wearing clothing that makes heads turn and that is immodest when you are provocative when you are drawing attention you know i always quote it's not my it's not my original saying but a woman should look in torah in i i think the jewish people is that a person a man or a woman should be attractive without being attracting you don't have to wear a paper bag you don't have to be a sack of potatoes you don't have to wear out-of-date clothing you can be attractive without attracting so when a person even if they're covering their elbows and knees or a man you know this trend of men with the super tight everything let's say you can pull it off which many of the men trying to can't so it's a modest for a man or for a woman be attractive and not attracting and the key is don't we want the people talking to us and relating to us to be doing so for who we are as a person not because of what we present superficially or skin deep and that's the argument for modesty the argument for modesty is challenge the people interacting with you to be interacting with your soul with the real you not interacting with what they see on the surface so you can be attractive be stylish be part of the times be proud but without being attracting that that is distracting people from who you really are amazing so leading into that into the next question uh in a nice way we know the world is crazy you know there's the the just the way it has evolved and even over the last five years just social media and you know i i used to enjoy going to manhattan and now you go to manhattan it's just like oh my gosh you know it's not a place you can literally walk down the block um the question really is for parents with with kids growing up in this world how do you raise resilient children they are going to be exposed one way or another to the most the craziest woke-isms things that that are just out there like crazy things that if you would have told your grandparents 10 years ago that this would exist they would throw up and they wouldn't believe you and that's what's existing nowadays how do you raise brazilian children how do you with everything going on around us how do you look at a child and say this is you know i know that looks cool and that looks fun and tech talk is great and but this is the torah and these are our values so everybody knows the first half the possibility that everybody knows that first half you have to educate raise every child according to their way you can't make everybody conform and fit into one box you have to know each child then it's iv and refers and others um say because goldberg could never say this that yitzhak and rifko went wrong when they tried to make yakov and asav go to the same school and they had the same expectations and they tried to fit them in the same box but they were really very different yaakov was easily able to sit and learn he had zit fleisch and asa who's admoni there's another person in tanaku's described the same way you know who it is i'm speaking to a guy with red hair the other one is described this way is what they both had in common was they were filled with life with enthusiasm with passion channeled it into composing the book of talem into being a warrior who battled for the jewish people into being a king who led the nation asap was told squash and extinguish that passion just sit and learn like your brother why can't you be more like your brother yaakov i'm not being critical others are critical that we can't make that mistake so everyone knows the first step that puzzles you have to know each child you have to know what speaks to them like chapman wrote a book the five love languages we have to know what inspires what motivates each of our children what will what will reach them is it words of praise is it acts of service is it time affection what will reach them and how do we inspire them number one but the second half the puzzling that people don't remember don't quote us often gam kiyasuke means that if you raise the child according to their way and the child gets older they won't stray from the path that means to say that a person who conducts their home very strictly and you have rules and regulations and you never explain the beauty and you never inspire and you never model and you never engage and you never listen one of the biggest things that i hear within my own home and outside of it my children's friends as well is that young people today think that adults don't listen to them they feel i'm also engaging in this world i have thoughts i have opinions and i want to be heard i want to i'm willing to learn and i'm willing to listen but i also want to be heard we need to hear young people we need to understand where they're coming from we need to engage them and then we need to inspire them not only with our words but with our actions so if our home is only you can't have this and if you do this you're going to be in trouble and i'm going to punish you i'm going to condition you it also has to be i'm going to engage you we're going to have these conversations we're going to talk about our ideas and our ideals and our values and why we arrived at them and how important it is and what's at stake and what's at risk and is it really as fun or as pleasurable as it seems or look at the consequence of those things wall street journal had an article i think the government did a study where facebook itself revealed the the company formerly known as facebook you mean that you mean meta yeah meta revealed on instagram ironically that we are appearing on it right now revealed how negatively they were contributing to the mental health challenges of young women in particular but young people at large so share that research with children don't just talk it's wrong it's us sir the governor door said it if i find you with it you are punished you're grounded you're in trouble right that's not going to work because gam ki ask and you know what happens that works when they're under our watch and under our hands and in our home what happens the day they graduate our home if our home was oppressive and relentless and ruthless and we didn't inspire or engage or ever listen we just tried to dictate then the moment that child graduates our home is over not only do they indulge in it they indulge in it over time with no restrictions no boundaries and it's really toxic but if we listen and we engage and we model if we share the thought process and the secular research that only supports what the torah already knew and our ash gaffer already says then i think we've got a shot so i think we have to talk to our children gam kioskin you gotta have the long game that we're not just talking about for right now because right now when the children are young and in your home you're in charge you pay the bill you're in control of what comes through that door and to a certain degree you can control it but if you're trying to educate through control it'll backfire the moment that day that child graduates the last thing is it's like an arrow in the hand of the archer so is it true with our children so i i think it's the cutscore who says i forget who it is who says how do you ensure that the arrow when it's released is going to hit the target target's 20 or 50 100 yards away it's far away how do you make sure the tart the arrow is going to hit the target you're far away the aim the velocity it's very hard so counter-intuitively when it comes to a bow and arrow the closer and the tighter that you pull it to you the greater that you ensure that it'll go straight and hit the target if we want our children to go straight and hit the target when they get out of our home we have to pull them closer and closer to our heart so a lot of people delegate raising their children to others i'll tell you one last thing in our parsha aparsha avraham sends to go find a wife eliezer is the cfo of aram's estate avraham is an extraordinary wealthy man enormously wealthy man he's a billionaire in today's day and age language and and eliezer is the cfo he's controlling all the finances and yet when it's time for a wife alvin doesn't trust eliezer he doesn't want to marry elijah's daughter he doesn't want his ex marriage as his daughter and he sends eliezer out he makes eliezer promise and swear see here's a man who's in charge of your billions in dollars and when you say can you go ready for yitzhak he has to take an oath he has to swear he is the promise what happened to the trustworthiness so i don't remember which god though it was he used to say that we have it backwards in our day and age you know avram trusted eliezer with his money but not with his children we trust the housekeepers to raise our children but we hide our jewelry and money from them we have it backwards you don't trust them with your money and your jewelry if there's a housekeeper around but they're being entrusted to raise the children we have it backwards avram trusted eliezer with his money but not his children we shouldn't make the mistake of trusting the housekeeper with our children while we're hiding our money we have to go we have to pull that arrow tight towards us and that will ensure that it will fly straight and please gotta hit the target and we see a bunch of uh babysitters rolling around with carriages there's just like sacks of cash in it next week because of what you just said as long as they donate to a meaningful minute in boca raton it's just just a question i was asked here and we're gonna finish up what about those parents that listen engage and model but the child still pushes the limits continue uh continue to delve and ask about things that aren't relevant to our to your household and ashika which i'm sure is is an issue and it exists yeah it's it's maybe we'll start with that question next time because it's a very difficult question okay you know you can have amazing parents engaging listening brilliant role model parents whose children still struggle this is a complicated chaotic world the last two years corona has only made it that much harder to navigate with as we talked about the promiscuity around us the immorality around us the new definitions the canceled culture the there's no shortage of challenges to navigate and so it's difficult for children so maybe we'll start with the next time because i'll just leave with this thought it's not always parents fault it's not that parents aren't doing as well as they could it's not that they're doing their best it's not parents fault hashem has bigger plans we could sometimes be doing everything right and still struggle that was good enough we hope to tune in back next week or goldberg last thing do i keep the beard or do i not keep the beard you ask your wife whether you should because guess what they're not coming to sleep here in my house tonight so if you want to know you have a place to sleep in food for shabbos there's only one person you pose that question to as much as i would love to be on vr and brs right now in boca raton i i i totally agree with you that's a great way to end this segment um everyone who is watching now make sure to go ahead and follow me over here on instagram and tune in and meredith hashem next week and send in your questions you could go ahead and direct message me and comment on instagram with a met with a question that you would love to see asked all right goldberg thank you so much for your time and honor thank you and i hope to see you next week with a even longer beard we'll see about that have a great job