Q&A With Rabbi Efrem Goldberg (Hosted by Moshe Schonbrun) - Part 3

coming to you live from the united states and meaningful minute i'm moshe sharma and this is contemporary questions real questions real answers on contemporary topics with rabbi ephraim goldberg discussing burning questions if you have a good question something that's been on your mind drop it down in the question box right here and we will be able to have the opportunity to post over who needs no introduction and we are waiting for him to join but in the meantime drop it in this is important hello robbie goldberg hello hello getting there of shabbos to you catherine last hour shout outs of the year that's it 100 it's good to be together again amazing so everyone put the questions in the question box not in the comments because i'm talking to robert goldberg i'm focused i'm not looking at the comments but look put in the questions mark man say nice things okay okay put it in the question box put it in the comments keep it send it up to you uh roy gilbert how was uh how was your past week do you have do you have like um different weeks like some weeks are good some weeks aren't as good every day every hour when you're in the rabbit is different you never know what it's going to bring especially this time of year it's what i love about the job the abode of this profession it's a gift and a privilege and a pleasure so every week is different barcelona was a great week it's good to be back together again how about you i saw you started school yeah so this semester started on monday happens to be i'm now using anytime i meet a student from florida i'm like oh do you know robbie gobert from south florida fastest growing school in america check it out thursday night i'm having we're meeting students it's going great amazing um so okay so the first question this was pre-submitted we have a whole bunch of uh coming in on the question box keep them coming we're gonna get to them hopefully time permitting um but the first question was pre-submitted so it's it's a it's a big one to date 10 of my friends have gotten divorced and i'm seeing an alarming uptick in other communities as well i'm concerned about this i'm wondering if the rav has any any perspective on this manner yeah there definitely is an uptick in divorce in the world that large and whatever exists in the world that large makes its way into the torah community as well we're not immune from it and it's important to know that because i think sometimes people live in this cocoon and live this illusion that we are immune if only we embrace torah and a total way of life then what's happening around us won't impact us but of course it does and it does impact us now divorce is a mitzvah in the torah it's not a mitzvah it's not like hearing the chauffeur that you have to go out and do it um but it means that our religion's perspective and attitude is that divorce is not categorically bad or we don't reject it and we don't force people to stay married who aren't meant to be married there are circumstances where there are reconcilable differences people have grown in different directions halacha talks about certain situations where a couple is no longer allowed to even be married together so divorce it's not again it's not like lula vanessa or sucker or chauffeur you're not obligated to go out and get divorced but if the circumstances are such that a person should be divorced it is the mitzvah our religion understands it recognizes that and doesn't force people to be together who shouldn't that said tell us that the altar itself christ tears every time a marriage is dissolved a marriage is a home a marriage is continuity and marriage ish the name man and woman when they have harmony they have you in the hand of god's name when they don't have harmony all they have the isle from the shin is asia's fire not the kind of fire like everyone on instagram apparently puts on posts that they like but the kind of fire that consumes and destroys and the kind of fire which is bad so um you know on the one hand we recognize divorce it's not a concession there are times that divorce is in fact the ideal for that circumstance but divorce is tragic no matter how you cut it there's a sense of mourning and grieving people go through divorce go through the stages of grief in the stages of mourning um there's been an increase in a spike in divorce during corona during covet and that's i think a terrible idea we should not make life altering decisions in a pandemic where our lives and our worlds have been turned upside down we're living in lockdown and we're living in an unusual way in circumstances it's not a time to make enormous life altering decisions so um marriages need work they need selflessness they need giving the torah judaism has a very strong and and a very clear philosophy that love is not the result of receiving getting everyone knows of desolate countries maybe everybody does it doesn't it things i know it's famous because i happen to know it so i say but of tesla wrote a great country where he talked about really the opposite of um of what people think people think that you know if you give me and i receive from you i love you i love you because you gave me but it's the opposite love doesn't come from getting love comes from giving when i give i build a bridge i invest a piece of myself in you and i love you as an extension of me and modern modern man the modern world in which we live talks about rights and entitlements what are you getting out of marriage uh whereas judaism says now what are you getting what are you giving to marriage and we need to have that philosophy that approach that attitude when you have two people who are looking to get something out of marriage you'll have an unhappy marriage when you have two people who are looking to give and put the other party first make the other person happy you'll have two happy people for the most part so there definitely is an increase uh the last thing i'll say and and again is not here so i'm a lot of be long-winded he's the only one who told me to be uh shorter with my with my answers you can do um but the last thing i'll say is i think i was talking to a couple of friends of mine prominent uh rabbi therapists who are trying to create a campaign and a movement for all couples to have pre-marital counselling that robunum should not agree to be masonic condition a rabbi should not officiate at a wedding unless the couple has gone for three sessions before the wedding and one session after the wedding but only six weeks after the wedding meaning three sessions before to be realistic about marriage to understand marriage to understand men and women to understand what it means to to live together and then be married but you can't go to that fourth session when you're in the honeymoon and i love them they're perfect they can do no wrong you gotta wait till you had your first fight and then you go to that fourth session and there'll be no stigma attached because if we make it the standard and we ask everyone to do it we can remove the stigma and the best thing we can do is to create healthier marriages before they're in crisis to take good marriages and make them great before they go into crisis wow okay that's an incredible answer and an incredible initiative thank you on behalf of uh meaningful millennium clause um okay so a couple of questions coming in this is this is actually related to throughout had a very interesting point there about don't make anything uh life-altering any decisions life-altering during covet and this crazy time so one of the questions transitioning to russia is we're in lockdown this is lee berman 28. we're in lockdown over rosh hashanah what can i do to celebrate on my own kove rosh hashanah that is a great question that is a sad question our heart goes out to you there are people in parts of the world who are still locked down and precluded from being one another there are people all over the world because they're particularly vulnerable at risk who are voluntarily locked down and can't be with others and our hearts go out to you and we dive in for you and we're sad for you that that's your that's your matter that's your situation but the best thing i can say is an outsider is not experiencing it so to a certain degree i don't have a right to but i can only tell you what i've tried to do in the earlier parts of corona when we experienced that lockdown was to realize and to remember this is where hashem wants me it's not that i wish i were in shul and i can't believe i'm being denied and deprived of the opportunity to be with others and there's no hazard and there's no hundreds or thousands of people on the walls are shaking and that's where i want to be so i'll i'll in fact forfeit my entire rosh hashanah and i won't experience it because i'll just spend it wishing i was somewhere else instead embrace where you are lean into where you are and recognize and realize it's where you're meant to be and how do i know it's where you're meant to be how can i make such a bold statement because that's where you are and if that's where you are that's what hashem meant for you to be and so instead of being envious or anxious or angry that you're not with others lean into that experience is a great story of of the rebel and uh with his brother and his whole story in the prison in the bucket they contawn and they were dancing because that was their situation so the guard took the bucket with the excrement and each one as long as you continue to remember that that's where you're meant to be you can sing and dance with that so again it's harder said than done and i don't need to minimize the challenge or struggle of being alone but you have an opportunity you don't normally have you're the cousin and you're the rabbi and you're the gabbai and you're the bhattochea and you're at all so you know some of us you know like to think that we're the cosmo in the shower when we're all alone we want to compete and we don't we think the show doesn't know what it's missing out by not having us this is our chance to shine this is our chance not to be a spectator and rely on others for inspiration this is your year to create and generate the inspiration because there is nowhere else to turn and sometimes sometimes we dig deepest into ourselves and sometimes we become our best selves when we remember there's nowhere else to turn and it's entirely up to us like robloz or bender daya it's a whole gamora for another time amazing i'm definitely a shower cousin um and also this is probably something throughout the year not only a rosh hashanah specific thing but to realize whatever circumstance it goes differently than you expected the flight didn't work out that whatever like this is exactly where hashem wants you to be and make the best of it exactly by the way it's not just true for people in lockdown i think we talked about it last time two times ago there are there are mothers of young children who wish they could be ensure like in their seminary days but now they're in a different role in life there are there are incapacitated men and women who health doesn't allow them to to be there to be there the entire time for davening and so i think it's really important to as hard as it is not to again forfeit the moment by trying to be somewhere we can't but to be fully present in where we are and make the most of that moment amazing thank you rav another question related to russia's shout out that coming time it's it's about chuva it says why do we take chuba seriously during these times elo rosh hashanah young kipper and not the rest of the year that's a great question it's a great question because true is relevant the whole year in fact somebody texted me earlier today they're learning uh rav cooks uh safer oro sachuva rav weinberger of moshe weinberger has a magnificent commentary translated into english it's a wonderful book i highly recommend it and free volume yeah and in so much of it is about how cuba is not relegated or limited to this time of year it's not like you can't do chuba other than this time of year in iowa and tishrei the whole year the whole year you made a mistake the whole year you came up short the whole year you hurt another person where you violated the relationship the trust with hashem we can do trevor we can do that repair trump is one of the things that was created that tells us before the world was created it's on the list of things that were created before the days of creation you know what that tells me whenever i think about that gemara i realize god did not create a utopian society god did not have an expectation that we were going to be perfect he built into creation that were fallible he built in he comes into the relationship with an expectation that there will be mistakes and he already plants within it the way out he tells us there's before i created the whole world it's true some suggest that's why the bride the the the hussein under the khupa with his kawa that's why he breaks the glass before you leave the chupa you break the glass that's not so romantic what are you doing so some suggest in addition to all the classic reasons in addition to the worst jewish joke it's the last time he's putting his foot down but some suggest the reason you're breaking the glass is to remember that you're about to leave this majestic magical moment of your chupa things break let's break the first thing right here before we even leave so that we can remember when you go home things are going to break things will break they'll be broken moments they'll be broken objects things will break so hashem understands that we'll feel broken and will live broken lives at times and he created and built truman in before you even created the world so we can and must do chuva all year round however so why then do we have it is this whole thing like a joke we have all of this all these things as catalyst to stimulate are doing chuva and you know like the clock is ticking it's going to be on kipper it's going to be nila it's going to be your shana yoshanaraba the answer is that you know we are a great group of procrastinators and if we didn't have a deadline in the timeline we likely wouldn't do it so even though we can and should do cuba all year round whenever we need it but we created a calendar with a timeline and deadline so that we would be moved to actually do it so we'd be moved to take it seriously to embrace it and to get it done to take it from um i think it was on meaningful minute just shared a clip it was a meaningful minute maybe somebody else uh rabbi sachs lloyd sachs the chronological who talked about you know stephen covey has their four quadrants important and urgent and so on and so forth so often the important gets buried because the urgent always takes precedence we never get to the important is important but it was time for it you got to pay tuition you got to shop for kosher food you got to work you got to survive corona who has time for chuva so the calendar comes and it forces us to address not only the urgent but it forces us to also address the important amazing so we should do it all here don't just wait for us or something on camera but if you just relegated it to the important file but not urgent now it's both important and urgent exactly so let's get on it amazing okay another question this is about to see mud in my rosh hashanah and it says it seems it seems superficial i eat the head of the fish and i'm going to be at the head my year is going to be at the head of the line it's going to be successful what's going on with the c money we don't do this on other young until then so how is eating the head of the fish or you know different people have different acute apples the gemara says see money mostly yeah specifically which is very peculiar because on the one end where are people who don't believe in superstition we're not supposed to believe in superstition some of us do but we're not supposed to hashem took us out of egypt egypt was a place of superstition horoscope superstition magic and god said you don't need any of that nourish kite you have me drop all that all you need is me you have me and some people continue to follow it i won't give examples because i don't want people to drop off i don't want to offend anybody but they're all silly superstitions that the septic calls it idolatry which have seeped their way into made their way into the jewish people so we don't believe in superstition and yet russia comes along and the same people who rail against all of these superstitions we're not supposed to do and all of a sudden we're dipping apple and honey and we're eating the carrots and we're eating the fenugreek and we're eating the leek and we're eating the head of the fish and we're eating that up what's going on so the difference is that that's not superstition that sources itself back to the gemara itself and the kumar says see many mil so when it comes to simon when it comes to symbols they have value here's the thing if you subscribe to the symbols as superstition they have no value that's idolatry it's magic but if the symbols are only symbolic and then we show them say this the commentators and the gemara sadist if the symbols motivate you to remember certain themes and to turn to god and to invest in god and to submit and surrender to god so the symbols are there just to jar us to jog us to to stimulate us to connect to him they're symbols they're meant to only be symbols if they're superstitions if i wear this red string around my wrist nothing bad will happen if i eat the head of the fish i'm going to come and be the top of the class if i eat that it doesn't work that way i don't believe in a god like that i could i could misbehave i could be cruel insensitive unkind cheat steal and then i just have to eat the head of the fish gonna have a great year we don't believe in superstitions it's not we don't believe in that what we believe is that we look at these symbols and the symbols remind us of what's important the symbols remind us that we turn to god in order to achieve those things so it's all a question of how we of how we use those symbols do the symbols become a superstition or the symbols a source of connecting to god amazing i forgot to give my disclaimer that even though a question i don't have all the answers these are just my thoughts but i invite everybody whether it's tonight or if we continue when we continue you know ask whatever questions you have i'd love to talk about whatever topics controversial not controversial in the bigger jewish world if people don't have an opportunity to to talk to their rabbi or rabbis often again i don't have all the answers i'm not in authority but i'm more than happy to try to address uh anything and anything amazing thank you okay um so there's already been a couple of questions coming in about the first part about the divorce um a bunch is it based on are we not trying hard enough or are we not equipped enough um and maybe that speaks to the the rev's initiative um right at the beginning maybe it is or forget about me what would raw say is it that we're not trying enough is it or is we're not equipped enough of why marriages are are falling apart they're dissolving i think there are a lot of um factors and variables again this is all anecdotal i'm not a therapist not a mental health professional and i don't have research and studies but i do do a fair amount of marriage counseling and um i think there are a lot of variables and factors i think we're living in a crazy world an anxious world we're living in a world which is uh hedonistic and morally depraved in some ways which is harder to protect the sanctity of marriage we're living in a world which doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage marriage is no longer a virtue some consider marriage a vice and you see couples even couples who are together don't bother with that piece of paper called marriage and different definitions of marriage so there's an assault on marriage as an institution and that has an impact um the pressures that we live with you know what the average person lives with when they wake up in the morning until they go to sleep at night the pressure to produce the pressure to bring home the income the pressure to live morally in a world which is enticing and inviting us to do immoral things all of that places enormous enormous pressure on us so i think that there are a lot of variables that are contributing to the pressure and stress on marriage um in some cases if people tried harder if they had a spirit of compromise and sacrifice and selflessness if people were willing to give and not just take if people put in the work of marriage probably some of those marriages could be saved and preserved in other cases people legitimately have grown apart they're in different directions is it reconcilable there are violations of trust that took place in which the marriages couldn't be saved so i don't think it's an easy answer but i do think that we should teach much more and instruct more about healthy marriages i think as we spoke about earlier we should encourage premarital counseling and and try to address and solve some of the challenges before they turn into the level of crisis sometimes once it spirals to crisis it's hard to come back and recover but if we can catch it before it gets there we have a better shot okay and one more thing on the relationship thing romance rob mentioned something about things that are romantic the the breaking of the class but is romance uh a torah concept should there be romance in our in our intimate relationships yeah that's a great question so romance it depends how you're using or translating the word romance um but i would say romance can mean affection and absolutely it's not only a jewish concept it's a jewish contract if anyone ever bother translating the tsuba the marriage document you will find that the contract between the husband and the wife is a responsibility to allocate time allocate resources allocate love allocate affection there is a responsibility to to make a commitment of time ona is time there has to be a physical affection physical intimacy spiritual and emotional intimacy and affection if you ask me it's one of the biggest crises of our day you want to try to get some more viewers here and and turn this a little bit different rating we're at 9 20 at night so you know i don't know what rating this is on on instagram live um but i think one of the biggest crises going on right now in the greater world the jewish world including the total world are issues of intimacy in marriage mismatched libidos um moral boundaries um issues of being under enormous pressure and not having the physical or emotional strength to invest in meaningful time meaningful conversations to confide in trust physically to experience intimacy closeness connection the way the torah meant for that physical connection to be for the torah sexual pleasure intimacy is not a concession it's a value it's it's in the contract too it's in the tsuba there's a responsibility and an obligation and it's not to procreate couples who are married are postmenopausal or pregnant or postmenopausal or or unable to become pregnant also have a mitzvah of owner they have an obligation because the act is not only to produce uh to procreate the act is to produce closeness connection a feeling of intimacy to have something that one shares with one of the person no one else in the world when the torah talks about the sexual act it calls it das though man knew his wife why don't we have another word aside from the fact that the torah is very strict to preserve a sense of sanctity but because intimacy is the ultimate you're exposed to someone in the most literal sense you're exposing yourself and you're experiencing something that you reserve to only experience with them nobody else knows nobody else is nobody else is present nobody else shares that experience it's unique and it's direct and it's intimate so i think that there are a lot of marriages you know connecting these ideas there are marriages that are floundering and in crisis even if they have all the ingredients to be a healthy marriage that can continue because there are crises of intimacy there there are failures of husbands and wives not communicating what their needs are not communicating that if they cannot get on the same page what those consequences and what the dangers might be in acting out and why it's so important to solve that and to heal that and to address that and there are a lot of ways that that manifests itself and needs to be done so i think that historically out of a sense of modesty we've shied away from talking about these kinds of things so you don't have public shurim you don't even have online i don't think a lot of public shirum about these themes and these topics but sexual pleasure sexual intimacy romance affection it's considered to be something that should be communicated in private and of course that's a huge value of ours but the problem is that there are people everywhere wondering struggling are they alone do other people go through this are they normal is what's happening in their marriage normal and they have no one to communicate they're afraid they're intimate or they've been shut down from communicating with their spouse and therefore um they may be act out or they feel depressed or they feel unworthy or they become addicted to certain behaviors and there's a real real crisis of this and i think that we need to bring it out in the open not in in modest or unhealthy way in appropriate way but in a way that we take away some stigma we have some conversation that's part of the premarital counseling is to talk about that component of marriage not just the hosting schmooze and the college which are important for the hashgraph of it but also to take away the stigma for what needs to be spoken about it how we got on this i don't even know i don't know either but but this is real this is real the title of this series is real questions real answers and oh there's a whole lot more real where that comes from but we'll keep it at that for now wow yeah anecdotally speaking i have experienced of a similar resistance because maybe it's because of educational techniques or whatever it is that there's sort of a shying away from these type of topics and then when somebody want feels like they're struggling there isn't a lot to turn to uh in a healthy way at least and it's probably more widespread than than just you know most people think that they're struggling just alone and thank you bro for bringing it out into a public big danger hopefully i'll tell you one one thing we tried to do several years ago here at brs but it's not it's not online you can't find it is with the recognition that it'd be inappropriate to have a public forum where you'd have a talk on this with husbands and wives that would by definition be violating our boundaries but yet on the other hand how are you going to address it so i did a series with a local therapist with a confidential conference call number husbands and wives could call in together all of those who call in would be confidential and anonymous to one another nobody knew who else was there and the therapist and i had a very um a very transparent and a very direct and very graphic discussion what's permissible and forbidden within the bedroom and within these practices and also addressing some of these questions of crisis within intimacy within marriage within affection within romance what's normal what's acceptable what's healthy what's unhealthy what should be expected how do you navigate how do you negotiate how do you communicate these things and it had a wonderful wonderful response there were a lot of people who participated and there's a big need for it and it's it's being unspoken and not addressed but it is it is a real crisis wow what else we got what other questions we have a whole bunch more how much more we're running out of time um so this one is moving on to a more philosophical uh canteen type dilemma so when should this is based on an event that happened this week when should a necessary military strike be called off if there may be civilian casualties i didn't see that coming following up on the romance question yeah this is a sharp pivot it's a big halal question um nobody's more sensitive to that question there's no more moral army in the world than the holy israel defense force the idf and um and they with the chief rabbit of the idf and of course internally have that debate all the time and and it's a big question because if you have a terrorist in your target and if you take that terrorist out you could be saving israeli lives or in this case american lives on the other hand you might take out you might take out civilians with that terrorist so what what are the moral boundaries what's right do you put the civilian lives ahead of i'll give you another example and this has been a huge huge controversy with the idf going into gaza if the idf um were to strike only from the sky in gaza we wouldn't lose one life we wouldn't risk one soldier but we'd have a lot more civilian casualties so should the idea of going on the ground when they need to though it's a risk to our own soldiers in order to protect civilians or do you say our soldiers lives come first and if there are terrorists using the civilian of shields then that's on the terrorists so we have total sources we have a torah source that goes back to the story of shimon and levi when they defend their sister their sister is dina is taken captive and raped and they go and they wipe out the entire people of shrem and there's a big discussion of um what were the moral what are the ethics and the morality of civilian casualties collective punishment what did what they do wrong when they took out the people of so the maharao in his commentary on russia called he says the whole institution of war what right do you have when you serve in the army to shoot someone on the other side you're in a battle i don't understand the torah says murder is forbidden murder is a cardinal sin why isn't that murder now just because someone declared it war now when you shoot the person in the other uniform now murder became permissible so when is murder for ben what is murder permissible and the answer is judaism recognizes the total recognizes something called war in the context of war there's going to be loss of life to defend yourself you're allowed to and in in the context of war and this is what the morale answers that shimon and levy did nothing wrong by killing all the people of shrem because when it's in the context of a war civilian casualties will happen civilian casualties will happen so you can never entirely avoid civilian casualties they're part of every war and they're part of the morals of war so a person has to have a strong moral compass ask guidance be guided by the torah and its principles but even within the torah there are circumstances where there may be civilian casualties but in order to win that war and protect our people that is a price that has to be paid i think we have a time maybe only for one one more quick one one more one more quick one there are a whole bunch of comments coming and now that the robot mentions the comments i'm seeing them and there's a whole bunch that want to know could they get information towards this anonymous hotline course about intimacy um is there is there a way to access that information or yeah we did it several years ago i did two sessions with the therapist intentionally it was not recorded and put up online because um we were able to speak more freely that way it was direct for the people listening who were anonymous and confidential one to another but it sounds like there's an interest and i need to do it again you know i i avoided continuing it and doing it again i'll just admit here on a meaningful minute because i didn't want to become pigeonholed as that rabbi oh that's the rabbi who talks about that all the time i'd like to talk about a lot of things maybe now that we've done three questions and answers on other things it's time to be able to do something i would never do it on an instagram live or facebook live or anything like that i think it belongs in a much more modest private confidential way but giving people access to it okay so the last question is meaningful minute has quotes that they put up every day different quotes from mostly contemporary bottom and robert goldberg is one of the premier quoted fellows or godel and one of the quotes is we cannot control what knocks but we absolutely can't control what we let in and when and the question is perhaps the the world could elaborate on this idea sure fantastic it's it's a great to go out um i i read that in the safer one says quoting story it was quoting it was it was actually it's relevant to the other topic we were just talking about you're a healthy vibrant man you're walking down the street there's a beautiful um woman who's scantily clad and you are tempted to look to gaze and for your mind to race so what does the torah hold us accountable for so there are there are kabbalistics for him that say that hashem god the almighty holds us accountable if we perseverate or marinate on the thought if we fantasize or allow ourselves to think but the very fact that we noticed is a reflection of being healthy that we're not accountable for and in that safer it told the following story about the the hasid there was a hustler who was at night panicking he was having all kinds of thoughts thoughts of fear anxiety worry about parnassus thoughts about other women thoughts of that his thoughts were owning him they were gripping him they were paralyzing him so what does a good hustle do he goes to the home of azerbai he knocks on the door of his rebbe there's no answer so he bangs louder and there's no answer so he goes around to the side and he looks through the window and he sees this really sitting at the table learning so he starts to bang on the window frantically for the rebbe to look up and to answer he doesn't need to look up he doesn't answer the next morning hustler goes to schule and he finds his rebbe and after dom and he says rebbe i needed you last night that abby says i know i know your question i already gave you the answer you know my question what do you mean i didn't even get to speak to you to let me in so that says just like last night you came to my home and you knocked and you tried to get into the front door and then you tried to get in through the window you knocked but it was up to me let whether to let you in those thoughts can come knocking but it's up to you whether you they you let them in or not and i've used that as a tool for myself in life when you have thoughts when you have all kinds of thoughts on all kinds of subjects those thoughts can knock we're not accountable if they knock we're not in control if they knock well we are accountable we are the gatekeepers we are accountable for what we let in for what we met and that's a good thought to have this time of year shifting the show we have policemen and we have judges and we can decide we're not accountable it's very it's very um comforting it's very comforting and empowering to not think i'm a terrible person because i have those thoughts the thoughts knock you're a healthy person if you have those thoughts what we are in control of what we're accountable for is not if we have the initial thought but whether we let them it's been a pleasure to be with you again i've got to run i look forward to next time and i hope people will continue to expand the breadth of the kinds of questions and things we talk about i'm enjoying it i hope you are too and people should know that it's on uh instagram i don't even know how instagram works it's on the real the story it's somewhere on meaningful minute but this is on the feed and they're also on youtube so if you want to share it with somebody else who doesn't have access to instagram all the questions and answers are on youtube as well on my page on rabbi from goldberg should have good comments joe and a good rosh hashanah thank you so much for including me thank you so much rabbi oh thank you everyone for joining us and watching and have a wonderful rest of your evening