Q&A With Rabbi Efrem Goldberg (Hosted by Moshe Schonbrun) - Part 2

hello meaningful minute meaningful people this is real questions real answers a contemporary series weekly series talking about real questions your questions you can ask them right here click that little question mark at the bottom of your screen you can add your questions throughout by ephraim goldberg who needs no introduction but while we wait for him to join i'll introduce myself my name is moshe schonbrunn i am a campus rabbi university of maryland formerly at university of arizona i am the host of a relatively unpopular podcast live in silver spring maryland and i'm excited to be hosting this real questions real answers on contemporary topics with rabbi ephraim goldberg to join everybody could add their questions in the question box right on bottom and your questions you'll be able to ask it right goldberg hello hello good evening good evening thank you so much for joining us thank you all the people joining this live you could be so many other places but you're here you're locked in listening to the great rabbi from goldberg this is awesome rabbi goldberg it is hold on this video is slowly processing i think rabbi goldberg is coming to us live from a outdoor location probably relatively slower wi-fi and there he is okay so real questions real answers what contemporary topics are you thinking about you can add them in here on the chat box as we bring back rabbi goldberg let's see let's see if it goes this time all right so sorry about that can you hear me yes amazing okay great amazing amazing to be with you thank you so much for having me it's great to be with you i like your self-deprecating relatively unknown podcast yeah so the pocket is called caruso talks about ideas that have uh been three thousand years inspiring the greatest people in history uh really cool stuff but it's not about me robbie gobert i've been a a secret admirer of yours for for many many years i think i look up to you greatly because you personify somebody that is able to approach and and seek out torah from wherever it is no matter we are in the torah world a person of real unity real diversity so i'm so excited i don't think nahi knew when he asked me to host this how much of a fan i am so super excited um let's get let's get straight to the question should we do it go for first of all you're overly kind i appreciate it so much and it's great to be together with you thank you for doing this amazing okay so the first question is in the past week in afghanistan there's been major upheaval and there's many people that are in an imminent danger and a moral crisis facing evil how does a torah jew perceive such actions when they're happening across the world when people are facing um such prospects how do what do we do are we meant to do anything think anything what should be our responses toward jews in america it's a great question and i'm going to give the disclaimer that i'm going to give every time we do this if this continues which is that i don't have all the answers i'm just sharing with you my thoughts i'm no expert on anything at all the gemara khazala rabbis tell us that perennials whatever challenge or struggle exists in the entire world as bestialist role is for the jewish people now what that means exactly you know when a butterfly flaps its wings in indonesia it can create a hurricane or a tornado across the world so we don't know what's called the butterfly effect we don't know how international events unfolding in afghanistan will impact the middle east israel will impact america and now for america jews who live in america and it's not because we're so egocentric or we think the world revolves around us but we think that we have a responsibility to the world god put the jewish people in the world to repair the world to redeem the world to make the world a better place so when the things happen in the world they're not random they're not chance and they're not they're not divided or they're not um disconnected from us we connect ourselves to all world events that are unfolding in a way for us to learn to grow from it so as we watch these events unfold certainly our hearts go out to the families of these 12 marines of the us forces who are murdered today by terrorists in cold blood and we think about them and their families and we're grateful to the troops who continue to protect american interests and we wish everyone only safety and and security um but our attitude as we stay apprised of events around the world is to realize that as jews there's a shuffle nothing's random nothing's changed all's above and all from uh all is from hashem all is by design the gemara says that that war and battle is the beginning of redemption we don't know if you're a student of history there are tensions that experi that occurred unfolded in history that ultimately were the catalyst or the genesis that led to things that had an enormous impact on jews at the time the event unfolded we didn't know that so we watch carefully we dive in hard we try to interpret it through the filter the lens of what is its lessons for us what do we learn from it what's our responsibility towards it amazing okay it kind of segues into the second question israel over the past recent very recent time i know just uh being on campus in the past five years the sentiment of israel has completely shifted and and the anti-israel rhetoric that has abounded um it's it's it's uh it's tough um and what what should be our response how do we respond um to that do we go out and advocate on behalf of israel do we fight anti-semitism straight on what's our response to anti-zionism anti-semitism that's a great question it's a great question naka gave me muscle last week very very gently and very kindly to try to keep it short not like rabbinic sermons each of these questions because each one really could be hours and hours and hours of unfolding and unpacking through torah sources and torah torah lens and life first of all we're all grateful to you thank you for your leadership on campus and for fighting this fight among others so thank you for your hard work it really means the world to all of us we cannot we cannot look the other way we cannot accept it on the one hand we know that anti-semitism is as old as the jewish people itself it is the world's oldest form of hatred it every generation takes on a new uniform a new form new people and it never makes sense it's irrational it never makes sense so on the one hand we recognize that it's going to always exist on the other you can't therefore become passive or fatalistic or spectator to it and say well what can i do about it anyway people will always hate the jews krishna the almighty put us in this world to stand up for ourselves and to confront to face enemies to speak truth to power to represent his values his vision for our world his kingship you know it's about to be rosh hashanah hashem wants us to tell the world that he's the king he is the king and he created the world and he is the one who has a vision for the way and we are meant we are meant to um we are meant to be stacking olam now you know there's an old federation joker they say about the federation mission to israel where one of the participants asked the israeli tour guard how do you say tikkun olam in hebrew tiki nolan became such a catchphrase that people think it's part of the english language taken olam however rabbi pelkovitz uh the greater of the white show once spoken ourselves when he said when you find the words we don't just believe in repairing the world some humanistic type of approach to making the world a better place but we try to mold to make the world a better place in the image of god and that's our job that's our mission he is behind us he's in front of us he's right there besides us and he wants us to speak truth to power so whether it's on campus or off campus and it has to be strategic we don't want to shine a spotlight on our enemies and give them a bigger microphone than they would have had without it so we defer to experts and there are organizations there are experts who can guide us when should we shine that spotlight and when should we confront when should we ignore because we don't want to give them a bigger platform than they otherwise had we use the guidance of experts but once they do guide us we got to show up we're going to stand up we got to step up because we are ambassadors and agents of hashem and he's counting on us to do it amazing um if i can ask i don't know if it's a pushback or whatever so there's the idea stephen covey in seven habits talks about there's the the circle of influence and the circle of concern so we have the things that we're concerned about we're concerned about what's going on in the world and when people are suffering and yet we have to focus the successful people focus on their circle of influence like what actually can i do so if i'm sitting in my living room like what exactly like i have been hearing from the road that we should do something we should speak truth to power like what exactly is it in my influence because i can't like get bogged down by everything that's going because i'll go crazy by the craziness that's out there sure sure it happens to be a fantastic follow-up question so thank you it's not pushed back at all but first of all as as religious jews as people of faith and we trust and believe that hashem runs the world our our greatest advocacy has to be to him you know an apac policy conference with 18 000 people from around the world would gather to stand up for israel the u.s is a relationship that hasn't met in a couple years because of corona so in the morning and there's a greater greater percentage of observant jews who are participating in apex policy conference i always look at doubting and i say of all the advocacy to all the people in positions of power this is the most important advocacy meeting that will happen at policy conference is chakras is davening he's talking to the mouth mahayan welcome to the king of kings because in the end of the day he pulls the strings he's pulling the strings and all the elected leaders so even sitting in our home say to him add a little extra davening do a mitzvah in the merit of the well-being of the jewish people we see a spike in anti-semitism if you're concerned so there's a lot of things people are doing some are buying weapons of course it's legal and they're trained others are uh increasing security on the campus of their institutions there's a lot of things we should be doing but at the top of that list towards the top of the list has to be asking hashem for help protection doing things in the merit that we are protected actually learning extra factors and the like but i also think it's critically important for us to understand that we cannot ever ever minimize the impact that we can have even as individuals the state of israel exists of course because god wants it to the modern miraculous state of israel with all of the shivers and colon and the total life going on there right now but it exists because harry truman's partner in the haberdashery business used that relationship to turn harry truman's opinion around so he supported the family in the state of israel right up just according to the natural order not the divine intervention had he not used his opportunity to continuously come to washington and use that relationship and advocate then there would not be a state of israel and the same is true today you have no idea what person in what position of power be it local be it local politicians or be it statewide or be it a national with the relationships we forged we don't know which phone call which email which letter that we write puts that person over the top and changing a vote that can make the difference of billions of dollars of aid to israel of laws that protect jews on college campus or simply on the streets in this country they have no idea the difference that we can make and so we know one thing if we do nothing then nothing will happen but if we try we do establish we make our effort then that too is a form of prayer and hopefully hashem listen that's awesome beautiful thank you rob it's amazing the comments are saying this is awesome it's amazing so if you have more questions you can drop them in on the question button right here down below what what opportunity that we have for from goldberg this is amazing i'm so excited uh shifting gears a little bit um this question came in earlier it says i feel like many things i do are because that's what's expected in my community how can i figure out what is actually halacha or kumra or just culture that community is doing education education education there's unfortunately a challenge within our system that sometimes um you know we have amazing muhammad and motors we have a great great torah system but sometimes the person particularly if they're both coming later in life they don't necessarily understand the nuance differences between those levels sometimes there's a culture in a community that that practices a particular stringency and yet doesn't communicate that it's astringency and therefore a person who can't feel they can live up to a stringency might end up throwing the whole thing away because they don't understand the difference between what is the core responsibility and obligation versus what is a layer on top so it's education education education there's never been a greater time in all of history with access to more several more books and more languages more available on more platforms in more hours of the day there's never been a greater opportunity to learn torah and on every topic so whatever you're curious about you want to know is it derisive there are what what is the source what is its nature now that doesn't mean you have to be a very very careful consumer of torah it doesn't mean that anyone out there on the internet you know it's a challenge today anyone with an internet connection on the keyboard can present themselves as if they're an expert and they're not so a person has to make sure it's a credible source they're getting it from the person competent is the person credible and then to learn learn learn learn educate educate educate and understand and even when we do we don't pick and choose there are certain stringencies which have become mainstream within the total world which are a communal norm there are certain stringencies which we need to know our stringencies and we're all at different points of life natalie strange should be observed depending where we're at in our own continuum of personal growth so it's very very important to know the differences between the two um you know there are people who let's say become firms through certain channels who might you know give their kids an upsharing but not use the mikva they don't they think an upsharing is a dindarisa like what do you mean you give your kid a haircut before three years old they don't know it's it's background and yet they're not keeping shabbos that's not to say that you have to do everything well than nothing or what the order of doing things are but we have to be educated on the differences between them that's amazing throughout the point there's that difference between we're in the age of information everything's out there and available but the wisdom to be able to discern what is fear and and resonant and how to extract that and really apply that is where the real challenge is exactly um and actually it brings up another question this wasn't pre-submitted so forgive me uh but the question is so because there's so much out there and we hate we now have access to not only information but the wisdom of the greatest tabikim across the entire spectrum of the torah world and sometimes it could be so enticing you learn from this topic or this particular book or safer and you get super excited and then you hear from another one and there's so much story there's so many different schools of thought how does one find their own individual path within everything um that's out there and all that diversity of thought how does one find what is personal and what is really their own path to go with you know our generation is confronted with that question maybe any other that came before because we have such access and a proliferation of sources we can turn to but this is an age-old question and khazal gave the answer empirical they told us you need to have a rebbe now you could have rebbe a rebbe in different areas of life there's the person that you talk to about marriage the person you talk to professionally insights person is certain person who guides you and supports these certain questions but in halacha we have to choose somebody and turn to them because we have to be consistent within a locker you can't pick and choose and you can't shop around now the same post like in might give different answers to different people we can come in and ask the question from an informed perspective do our research be informed ask the question and try to understand where the answer is coming from but i said it's important to be consistent the only way we can know be consistent is that in we have already we're a teacher we have boundaries we have somebody who's guiding us somebody who's lifting us we have somebody who is shining the light who we can follow in their footsteps we can follow on their path in their way that's true in halakha but it's really important i have a lot of strong feelings on this i wrote an article recently called uh i'm not an i'm not a modern orthodox rabbi and i again we don't have enough time even if we went on a long time and i gave long answers but that's true but i think that when it comes to some of the other hashgaffer the perspective i think there are 70 faces of torah there were 12 tribes there were 12 entrances into our holy temple the based on mikdash and there are a lot of different perspectives and we can learn and glean and take the best from all that we can live in one of those gates and we can enter the world of our relationship with hashem through one gate and and visit other gates but sometimes there's a 13th gate this had a 13th shower there was a 13th gate the arizal the great mystic and kabbalah said that his sitter his nusa was the nusa of the 13th great the shah hakolo and there's a world of people i count myself among them this is no judgment of anyone who does anyone who's comfortable living in one tribe living walking through one gate should should do well there there's no judgment but there's a world of people who say i live in the shower colo i like to take the best of all that's out there and i live a life that's unpredictable you can't put me in a box and already you're a black man in cabrillo canada who would say you'll put me in a box when i'm dead but while i'm alive don't put me in a box it may be more convenient for you you want to slap a label on me you want to put me in a box that's more convenient for you that's not me i look at the world and i'm a stickler sparty and i could take a little bit from every world the best i think of every world and um and develop a rich tapestry of my life my outlook of life and my practices in life so in halacha there has to be consistency but in terms of hashikafa the way i view the world and my thinking of the world and my experience of the richness of the world i think i'm comfortable in that character i love living in that 13th gate it's amazing uh to say the raspberry i think there are certain articles there are seminal articles in jewish law that really you know revere lapionsky's article about mashiach that was like it's groundbreaking there's an article that shifts and and tap into the trend and the rose article on what the non-modern orthodox is a must read it's an article that that is a generational article um to the extent that i count myself as a jew of the 13th gate i actually we started an initiative here in maryland called the 13th gate where we try to each week pull from a different sect and tour a different aspect and corner um and tap into the torah so that that that article has had a mega impact on me and and uh i'm so happy that i wrote so much i appreciate it so much thank you you know and if anyone wants to read it and i don't know if it's seminal i don't know if i make a difference it really i'll tell you the truth i just got it off my chest i had been wanting to say it and i felt better getting it off my chest and if it resonates for anyone else wonderful you know what i felt and what precipitated that article is i felt there is a community of people who live in the 13th gate but they don't they think they're all alone they don't realize they're other people who live there with them it's a polarized world that it's a world trying to put people in a box and make you conform and i just wanted to put it out there that hey i live in the 13th gate and if you want to come live with me there then let's be friends so if anyone just googles i'm not a modern orthodox rabbi in my name they'll find that article and um no one's obligated to read it but if it means something to you i'm honored it's amazing i think everyone's obligated to read it um okay so so the next question is shifting gears everyone could still uh add some questions into the question box here um in the meantime until you get in your questions and as long as the rub lets us allows us to continue uh picking his mind here while he's at another sim class so we're super appreciative um the question is about materialism and the questioner is saying that they invest a lot when paraphrasing a vest a lot into their shabbos and yumto experience they really want for their family for their kids to feel excited about childhood young so they invest they get premium sushi and the whole meal it's top notch all the dips all challah and chocolate it's amazing charcuterie boards meat boards fish it's all there now the question is the question wants to know are they being too materialistic so tell us that the money that we spend the charisma of the is going to come back that doesn't come out of what was allocated to us on rosh hashanah in in just a week from now we're going to dive in hard and what we are the maximum that we could qualify to earn this year will be determined from above but we spend the shout outs and yes it doesn't come out of that so you'll say well then let me go let me go extreme right let me go let me go all out i'm going to buy top notch wine single malt i'm going to have delicacies i'm going to have first cut meat i'm going to have catered meals because hey that doesn't come out of my top line so certainly contemporary writers but even going back to the michonne and they say that when the gemara and khazami has that promise they're talking about in moderation what's reasonable and in moderation does not come out of our our uh what's been allocated for us if you go extreme and you're living outside of your your comfort zone hashem is not going to make a miracle if you can't afford it you put yourself in debt you're not going to have a miracle in order to be able to afford it so i think the rule of thumb is to ask yourself is what i'm providing what i'm cooking what i'm putting out on my table is it the khabib shabbos am i honoring shabbos or is it covered me my covered my boy am i honoring myself am i doing it because even if no one were around that's why i want to honor shabbos am i doing it because i want everyone to know those at my table and those who will hear about my table what my table looks like is it for my honor or for the honor of shabbos and i think that's the test that's the metric and if the answer is it's to honor shabbos then it's beautiful if you can afford it you're not in debt it's reasonable you're not relying on a miracle then honor shabbos go for it god bless but at the end of the day you're looking for the honor for yourself then that is not a way to honor shabbos than a person so moderation don't stand out we are obligated we are enjoying to live in moderation to live within reason so on the one hand don't get cheap when it comes to shabbos because i'll say you're going to make that money back don't worry god's got you covered will you spend the child as a younger but on the other hand within moderation the covered childhood it should not to honor you it's a deep answer something hard to actually determine is this coming because of me because i won't yeah back my mind i'm thinking what people are saying and what how they're processing it i'll tell you a good way to i'll tell you a good way to think about it if no one were around there were no guests that shot us and nobody could see through the windows of your home and no one would know would you be buying that if you were home alone for a shabbos nobody around for whatever reason personally we're home all alone would they still be investing would there be sushi charcuterie boards high end this high in that is it lacavichalas or is it is it something else and that you know if you answered that i would never do that when i were alone if i were alone get a piece of chicken buy a piece of cocoa call it a day then then you know the answer to your question let's do one more i stepped out of a chevy broncos and any mail you're going to figure out yeah quick one more time for one more one more just on the last point real quick uh it was still in the back of nephesh simpson on shabbos from shin pinkus he gave uh also similar limits test he said well let's say you buy that charcuterie board and then somebody's sitting next to you a guest at the meal just takes the whole thing and eats the whole thing right so if you're upset then obviously it was for you not for shabbos but if you're happy another jew had to cover chavez then then you'll be excited okay so the last question is going to be about forgiveness very seasonal so to what extent should one forgive if somebody feels that they're in the right that they have a certain claim should they forgive about it because if they do forgive it will lessen all the division and people will stop talking and they could just move on for it or is there a certain point to stand on principle and and not forgive it's also you know each of these questions is a two-hour conversation there was a big macholokas between simon wiesenthal and elie wiesel whether there are things that are unforgivable there was a story of the nazi and his death peter who haslam simon wiesenthal for forgiveness he wrote a book it was called the sunflower and um and he granted the forgiveness not that he could represent all the jewish people and it was a big debate big machole are there things that are unforgivable or is everything forgivable if a person asks for forgiveness sometimes the other party doesn't even ask for forgiveness the problem is that when you carry it around they've moved on it weighs you down the fact that you're carrying it around doesn't impact the person you didn't even ask for forgiveness it just weighs us down so our rabbis as always had a great insight and they said a person who is who is madrid if you're forgiving and foregoing if you don't carry a grudge even when you deserve the apology that you don't get then god's going to be forgiving of us no one's perfect we're not perfect are we adequately asking god for forgiveness are we adequately taken responsibly owning up to him so it's magnanimous it's going above and beyond when we forgive someone who didn't even ask for it doesn't deserve it um you know we're doing it because it should be a merit for ourselves and a tribute that and the recognition that the longer we hold it the heavier the point the forgiveness is not not even about the other party certainly if they haven't asked for it at some point the forgiveness is really about us i'm getting the phone call i gotta run back in thank you thank you thank you it's an honor and a privilege to do this i hope we'll continue if people are enjoying it we'll look forward to continuing wishing everyone a holy shout out some amazing shabbos thank you so much for having me thank you rabbi thank you so much enjoy the show all right have a great night everybody thank you thank you