Part 86: We Work for Hashem, He Doesn’t Work for Us

okay good morning want to thank our sponsor for share this morning Dori Orland continue to sponsor in memory of their beloved daughter Miriam EST and our beloved Hena gansburg in memory of her beloved husband mosha Dove thank you for handing out the dollars from the Reb should be a big school everyone should get St from it and also we want to learn continue all of our learning in the for and this yeah Rabbi Mike Stern who unfortunately is in a real crisis and is in need of a of a major andas Bas Ali and lastly we have in mind as well all of the victims from Pittsburgh and uh and those who were injured and their families who should have strength and and courage okay so um if there's ever a week that we needed an it's this week it's this week um I appr everyone's flexibility moving it to today M next week we'll be back on schedule and back on track but obviously it was a very very difficult week for cl for the Jewish people globally with what happened in Pittsburgh for our community in particular the loss of a young mother a young woman a young teacher in our community and outstanding woman and um I I think we already had this week for those who listen to the to the funeral on Sunday Rabbi G spoke about his wife it's a position nobody should ever ever ever be in to speak about the young mother of their children to give a hit for woman you're married to for for such a short time and who live such a short time and he gave a disclaimer before he spoke about her and he said it as a disclaimer and with that he gave a gift to us because it's something that we can't say we could say but we wouldn't have the credibility that he has to say it and say it in that moment but he got up and he just made it very clear he said I want to tell everyone that we work for God God doesn't work for us so in that moment that's what he said which is a tremendous affirmation of am to see Hashem in the good times that's easy to see Hashem when everything's flowing and everything's easy and everything's BR and everything's that's easy but to stand up in that moment and to say that it's tremendous it's tremendous and if you know him that's not uh you know he's not trying to make it into an Arts SC biography he's not trying to have everyone say nice things about him he's he's the most real person what you see is what you get and if that's what he said it's cuz that's what he meant and that in that one sense was the Amun maybe for the whole year maybe the Whole Decade but certainly for the week and the second thing he said is the disclaimer was that in moments of great pain it's understandable to not feel close to Hashem and struggling to understand is not the same as struggling to believe and that it's okay to struggle to understand that doesn't mean that you're struggling to believe it was very very powerful and I'm very grateful to him for saying it and it gives us a for the whole week with its struggles and whatever ever one's struggles are but to uh and I asked him I asked him a couple months ago during this ordeal people still didn't know and it was clear that it was towards the end I said do you struggle to Davin do do you hate coming to daving because I can imagine I was projecting maybe a little bit who would want to open a sitter who'd want to Davin when they saw the trajectory of where this was going and at least according to lefa according to Nature and Science it was irreversible and he said no my doing is not predicated on getting what I want doing is not predicated on the assumption that everything that happens is going to be the way I want D to hasm because he's in charge and somehow everything is is for him so it hasn't affected worst part of DAV having to see people but seeing Hashem that was uh that was easy for him so even for our own daving this is where we where we draw strength from a um the news was here earlier this week and everyone wants to cover the local version of what happened in Pittsburgh they want to know if shs are increasing their security and the like so um so she asked me how is this impacting the she was talking about Pittsburgh but how is this impacting the children of the community you know bad things happening to good people to lose faith in God so I said something we've discussed often which is that even when we struggle with faith we have people that we can latch on to part of the definition of to you find righteous people who've maintained Faith even in the most horrific circumstance and we can latch on we can tag on we can grab their coattails and and they carry us so I said we still thank God we're blessed to have survivors in our community and um and we find strength we find strength through the through the survivors so we look at people of faith we listen to people who who speak at of eulogy and say these things we listen to to people like the reaction of the Pittsburgh Community talked about rebuilding and talked about faith and talked about unity and fighting hatred and even when we struggle and in our own struggles which it's okay to be in pain and even to struggle struggling to understand is not the same as struggling to believe but we can latch on and attach ourselves to those people I'll just say one last word and then we'll get we'll get into this uh back into the AL Shore back into this piece but um Mrs gra Danny gr's father at the at the Shiva you know somebody said to him how could you you lost your daughter is there anything more painful horrific it's it's it's just the worst and it is and he said you know my parents were Holocaust Survivors I just lost one child they lost everything and they maintained their faith and I I only lost one child they lost everything she says I look at my other children and I look at the 33 years I had with her and how can I not feel incredibly blessed if Hashem would have given me an option of this this one daughter for 33 years who gave me so much joy and Nas and what I said no I'm not interested for the 33 years he said so I feel I feel blessed how could I feel just again it's just ordinary people with extraordinary yamuna and um I think it's a reminder that sometimes the biggest lessons we don't have to open the Gan biographies and we don't have to look for the the you know the the most celebrated stories it's some of the ordinary people around us who we sometimes Overlook or neglect who really are living the most extraordinary lives and have that faith and and we too can tap into it okay on the top I believe of t P we're still learning this peric in Al the great and uh this is his I'm not going to rehash what we've seen so far but we talked about the that if you make the is if you acknowledge God as the Redeemer of Israel if you see God in history right as you see God in Destiny right as you begin your amida and asking hasem for everything that we need such a person as said why what's the big deal so you without interrupting in the spot you're not supposed to interrupt that's such a big deal and he answered yeah cuz what you're doing is you're saying I have faith that Hashem is going to answer me in the present because he's been there in the past you want to slide around you can look at we're on everyone see where we are you're trying to understand if if is the core of right we talked about last week prayer is the Binion it's the building block of B where do we renew our Bon every day when and where do we do it when we DAV when we DAV how do we have the energy the Courage the strength the optimism to get through the day with whatever minor negligible inconvenience to whatever major enormous obstacle where do we draw from what well do we draw the Bion of the building block the foundation of is our daving that when we go to daving and we go through this exercise in amuna the humility of saying Hashem I'm nothing you're everything when I'm outside of when I leave the sh it's all up to me when I'm in the sh when I dab when I open my sitter it's all up to you so if that's the case then is the core is the key is the building block why do I have to what's the big deal about reciting right after why do I have to invoke The Exodus right before daving leave the past in the past history is history I'm up to today I got enough challenges today I got enough to talk to God about about today why do I have to first review history what's the relevance of and and so what so what if you'd meditate for a few moments you say go you you close your eyes you take deep breaths and only then do you say sh right it's very important you see here by the way because I I'm I'm a big believer and I try myself to take a few breaths to to take nimos to attached to the Nish to take some breaths to attach to the core and to clear space and to to meditate even if for a moment to be mindful the feel we about to enter but the place to do that is not after G before your three steps forward the place to do do that is before so one supposed to already be having standing further back by you're already supposed to be standing back you don't take three steps back to begin you're really supposed to be back at and then you get towards the end of few deep breaths meditate reflect get that to-do list get all the people you got to see and call and email get what you have going on today out of your mind I'm going to be entirely mindful I'm going to be present in what I'm about to do a few deep breaths now three steps forward I've transported myself I'm in an altogether new place no matter where I was now open my lips and help me even if I feel distant and even if I feel unworthy and even if I feel you're not interested in listening to me give me the right words enable me to talk to you so but that's the right way to do it because you're not supposed to have any break or barrier between go is and but let's say you did so what if you came up for air between so what if you had a moment of breath says an incredible idea pass the tisses he says that you see here is so nuanced is so subtle is so complicated that enough alone is not so what you stood in front of God and you said please give me health and please give me livelihood and please give this one blessing and please take care of that for the other person help them find their and help them find their baby enough alone rather is not enough to affirm or validate that you have why because you can and many people or most of us do just go through the motions you open the sitter and you go through the motions check check I even said you he in the middle ofu and read my list of people check so what does that mean you really believe or it means that you're going through your checklist sometimes people go through a checklist because they're hedging I got to do this that and the other thing on the list of things I got to do is check right I know a lot of people who will go to a rebba for a br they don't believe in rebas they don't believe in bras but why not can't hedge hedge put it on the list of things I daved I did Myas I did my schoola I wore my Bendle I did my gave Mya I did my and I got AA now when they're in front of the rebba do they have kav that this is it not necessarily maybe they're sitting there and they're having that conversation because ah I was told to or to put it in in more mundane terms someone has an illness and someone recommends You' got to go see this doctor of Chinese medicine I know Western medicine is wonderful and gives you a lot but this doctor of Chinese medicine of Eastern medicine has has fantastic advice and has healed countless people the person says you know I'm suffering so much I've been to every other Western doctor and a million tests I might as well go to the doctor of chines medicine do they believe in it no are they really listening do they have cavana while they're there maybe not but they're there because hedge so that's the attitude many people bring to daving I don't know if there's a God I don't know if he's listening and I got a lot of my mind so I'm not really paying attention but you know what I got to put a check in the C next D did I Davin I got to put that check either because that's the way I was raised I got to put the check because socially I'm expected to be there I got to put a check because I have a very guilty conscience and if I can't put the check it's going to bother me the whole day people put a check in that column for all kinds of reasons other than I want to have a conversation with Hashem who had a conversation with Hashem where do we see that daving is a conversation with Hashem give you hint this week's par when Rifka elzar finds Rifka she's the one she's the sh not because he used any external I spoke on Tuesday in the para class I said you know when elzar was going to look for a girl he didn't say to the sh and need a size too and she has to have this and her father's got to have this kind of portfolio and these assets and this real estate and I need the mother to wear sh when she takes the garbage out and I need the father to learn the d three times a day and you know he asked he asked for something that no one's ever asked me I'm not going to repeat this whole routine I did it Tuesday but the worst part of the job I'm sure will'll agree is we we're happy to do it and we're eager to help the young people of our community but it's not enjoyable so they call and ask all these you know references so I get a million questions she gets a million questions they include people's medical history psychological history their medicine cabinet they include a million things nobody's ever asked me that if I came with my camels would she give my camels to drink too nobody's ever asked me that nobody's ever asked me she she have an inclination towards does she go above and beyond to not just help when someone asks but even to help what she's not asked nobody's never asked nobody's never asked that they're not nobody's not they're not looking for that right so rifo was a size two internally probably externally too I'm sure she was beautiful she's described as toas which we talked about the kle says toas Mar means I in Tova not that she was beautiful exter said he didn't need that toas meant internally she had an eye in Tova she had a beautiful beautiful eye she was generous and gracious and good and kind she had an internal beauty she was an internal size too that's what elazar was looking for for y so anyway Rifka arrives and where does she find she falls off the camel she's so stunned where does she find and what's he doing goes out what does mean what is a is a conversation so is D but DAV here is described with the word it's not described as a cry a c a groan a moan a supplication a praise a gratitude a thanks right we with Pinkus 13 synonms based on 13 synonyms for prayer and one of them is comes from for daving was a casual conversation not pump in circumstance and not fear and dread and not burden and obligation for y it was I'm having coffee with a friend and I've been looking forward all week because we have to catch up I've got to tell my girlfriend everything going on in my life and I want to hear everything going on in her life and I need to ask for some advice and I want to offer some advice and I want to say thank you for what she's done for me or he's done for me it's a casual conversation I was once at the Cotto standing next to a farty man and I wasn't EAS dropping on purpose it wasn't it wasn't like I was violating his privacy but here's talking pretty loudly I never ever heard such authentic doing in my whole life never the closest that comes is if you if you privilege to D with Mr senders who's an amazing yid a holy Jew so this thisy this holyy Jew at the cotel he was having a conversation he was filling Hashem in about his day like Hashem wasn't there and then this and I need your help with that oh and thank you for this and did I tell you about my son that it was unbelievable it was a it's a conversation not a burden not an obligation not a check mark so one can go through the motions of and put a check but having never been there absent present you were never there you ever get to the end of sh and you don't remember starting yes you don't even remember saying any of the bras you're sure you got to the end because your page tells you that you're at the end but you don't actually remember saying any of the Bros and then you say I I I all these things I wanted to include in each of these bras I forgot I forgot we talked about last week or two weeks ago in Dava when you can offer another one on your own but sometimes we get to the end it's like lail you know your car pulls into the driveway you got home you don't ever remember you don't remember the highway the streets making the turns the traffic the lights you were on the phone you were listening to something you were lost in your thoughts your car is on autopilot you pulled into the driveway you got home at the end of carpol you don't even remember ever you don't remember anything in fact there's no kids in the car you forgot to pick them up you just came home you just turned around you came right home been done a couple weeks after we moved from Captiva to Thornhill green this goes back now 12 years 11 years a long time ago a couple weeks later it wasn't the next day I was in the driveway Captiva I got out of the car I go well I don't live here anymore the car automatically went there because I wasn't thinking so sh sometimes you get to the end and you don't ever remember how you got there so you can go through the motions and F itself the fact that you made it through the sitter doesn't prove that you have so what is the benefit what is the value of of we're talking about history right before because it's an anchor what we're trying to do is set an anchor and we're trying to do is say I'm going to become mindful right before I dve in right now I'm going to be mindful right before I ask for the things I need right now right before I am grateful for the things I have right now right before I Pro protest and object to the things I don't like that are going on right now in order to align to calibrate my concentration I'm going to think about where I've come from and how I got here and hashem's guiding hand all along that Journey right I'm going to do how do I arouse that sense of am within me how do I awaken that sense of faith that sense of trust Within Me by thinking about an episode in which hashem's hand was so visibly clear now you could think about in the Universal sense but one can also use that moment to reflect on a personal Gula was there something in my life was there an episode was there a moment was there a choice was there an event where I felt hashem's guiding hand so explicitly so visibly so palpably so undeniably and how do I awaken and how do I direct and channel and Focus myav that my will not just be a check in the check column that I won't get to the driveway of at the end and I don't know how I got there but how do I make sure I'm present in each of these bras when I say I'm not just going through the motions I'm saying I remember there was someone and we all davened or I went through something I asked Hashem and it went away how do I awaken that faith that trust that I've been there before and that I know hashem's guid in hand so what I'm about to ask right now I can try trust he's going to be there again says it is so it's so fragile the in Us in other words the default is to forget Hashem this is a tragedy the default should be that I live with hem over my shoulder every second every moment he's with me with whatever I'm watching whatever I'm saying whatever I'm listening to whatever I'm going whatever I'm doing every moment of anxiousness every moment of guilt every moment of fear every moment of Doubt every moment of sadness he's ever presentent in my life that's the goal that's the aspiration but the reality is I have to choose to remember him and in between choosing to remember him I forget I forget sadly so that remembering him is so fragile it's so dissipating it is so it is so transitory it leaves so quickly that if I even take a break for a tiny bit if I have a heick if I have a barrier at all between and so yes I I awoken that sense Within Me of trust and faith but now I had a sh I had a half sick now I took a break before I start by time I's gone we have to realize that so fragile is that trust and faith in Hashem so easily disappearing that I have to jump on it the moment I feel it I have to go with it which is a lesson not just for the amida and not just it's a lesson for life when I see something experience something hear something that awakens the in me that makes me get those Goosebumps that gets me excited or giddy the feeling of Hashem in my life in this world that he's in control D at that moment connect with him at that moment utilize it ride that wave when the wave comes ride the wave right to swim a mile would be exhausting but if a huge wave comes and you time it to ride that wave it carries you so when you can feel that sense of whether your own or jumping onto someone else's we work for God he doesn't work for us you're present for one of the Great Moments of amuna ride that wave he said we heard this wonderful story from a yaf who was the son-in-law of the altar of naric that the once visited the was the principal the primary student of the Von so had a certain illness and the way the treatment that was offered in his day was they would put what are they called leeches on his neck and they they were covered with a scarf right they the I the leeches would suck the blood what would they do drain the blood suck the toxins take the bacteria out I don't know there's a reason we don't do it anymore so the leeches were on his neck for the treatment and they were covered with a scarf so the Von was sitting with his holy students and in the middle of their learning the conversation moved to the concept of trust faith that is here that everything is for a reason that nothing's a coincidence that he's ever present in our lives and the girl was talking with such Faith such complete speaking at such a lofty and high level that he raised the entire kabur the whole room another words the gr created a wave and the was lifted by the wave at that moment of felt such trust and faith in he said I don't need to do this is so up to I so accept he took the scarf from the leechers off his neck because at that moment the was so overwhelming so strong so absolute that he didn't need to take any initiative which almost would be contradictory to it the conversation changed back to the G back to whatever they were learning when the conversation shifted back to whatever they were learning he realized his b dropped immediately and because his b dropped immediately he felt the pain he felt the infection he felt the disease he needed to go back to his he needed to go back to it so he says from the story exactly what we were saying that sometimes we have such a swell of sometimes we experience come on in this chair here oh than sometimes we have such a a ground swell of this wave comes all of a sudden we're overcome with this Wave by the way the wave can either crash on top of you and drown you or you can lift yourself enough to catch the wave and ride it there I once read a a secular book about business and management all about that in life that it's all about the timing of the waves anticip ating the waves and positioning yourself you could either crash by a wave and drown under a wave and be trapped by the wave or you can time yourself to lift yourself right at the time when the wave is coming and then the wave carries you the wave the wave R uh you rise with the wave so life brings all these waves the same is true with versus there are waves by the way when the wave passes then you sink low again and there's an undercurrent that can pull you under this metaphor you could take very far but there there are waves so life is about timing ourselves to lift ourselves enough that the wave can carry us so that's he's with the there's this incredible um revelation of and with this revelation of he doesn't feel a need for any isas for any initiative he feels such faith and trust he doesn't feel the illness or the need to take care of it again this a very high level I'm not suggesting that we can do this you know when I go to the class I could take off the cast The or I don't have to take my pain medication that morning because class I'm not saying that we should set this expectation for ourselves but what's the point of his story is how fleeting are the default is not I feel AEM all the time unless I happen to be doing something that distracted me the default is I'm distracted from Hashem all the time unless I happen to do something that makes me mindful of Hashem that's just the reality it's a tragic reality it's the reality so when we have that moment of feeling we got to grab on to it we got to capture it we got to capture it we have to bottle it so that we could draw from it later from we see that from itself from prayer itself a person shouldn't think that is g to answer them develops this idea many people have the misnomer what is we've talked about this a couple years ago we've been doing this for a long time already but a couple couple years ago we talked about when we learned the people mistakenly think is what I trust hasem loves me so much he'll make things work out the way I want I trust and love hasem so much he'll make things happen the way I see them the way I think they should happen says that's not trust in Hashem in whom is that trust in yourself you think you have all the answers you think you have the vision for the world you think you know what's right and now you trust that hhm will be your Pawn you trust that Hashem will be the one who you can manipulate to make things happen the way you want that's not that's not that's what the gar says there are three things that invoke hashem's judgment one is walking underneath a dilapidated wall if you put yourself in a dangerous situation with such confidence that you're going to be okay Hashem says you walk under that wall that's about to collapse because you're so confident you deserve to survive get me her file let bring me his file let me see how worthy he is and the second thing is if your Mo you turn someone into the authorities you think you're so perfect you're not I'm not talking about an abuser a dangerous person be very clear somebody who's dangerous somebody who's damaging someone who's abusive we absolutely believe call 911 turn them in if you won't call me I'll do it absolutely you have to turn them in we're talking about an Antiquity the notion of Amos the Z's corrupt uh Soldier would come and you're turning him in because of hatred for another Jew so Hashem says oh you're in such a position to turn someone else in ah bring me his file let me check him out and the third thing the gamar says is you F you DAV with such arrogance such confidence that you walk away from your daving and you say I nailed it today I was I said right into I had I the whole drive home I knew I was present I knew where I was going when I got in the driveway and I nailed it every I was present everyone around me Hashem will surely answer me the tah rally was so amazing it was packed and there were tears and everyone was screaming Hashem has to answer now he'll surely answer nowar says Hashem says oh oh really I have to answer you you think I'm a puppet and on your strings and you're controlling me bring me his file bring me your file overconfidence arrogance in it's the antithesis because at its core is humility it's an exercise in humility I'm unworthy I'm incapable I'm in charge of nothing it's all up to Hashem when you walk away and you think well I'm really in charge so the things I I have to go to work and I have to do this and I have to do this oh I have to dve to Hashem that's on my checklist of things but I'm the one who's really in charge that's the antithesis of core at its Court f is an exercise in humility in amuna and humility and feeling it's all up to and feeling it's all up to Hashem so then why why is it that we ding for people to get better and not ding for just the people around them to be able to be okay with whatever Hashem you know saying why is it that we're doing maybe it's not better for that person like me Hashem has thinks that they're not they shouldn't live and it's better they don't we don't see the full picture so why don't we change dominating to the about it's a great question so that that question is the core question of all which is let me put it a little bit differently which is this is the way the a puts it is why if God is omnipotent and infinite and perfect and all knowing and I am pathetic and puny and finite and and and you know ultimately um dust of the earth so why would I want God to change his mind to follow my view shouldn't I change mine to accept his so if he says that I should have no money I have no money if he says someone around me should be very sick that's the best thing for them and for me why am I trying to change God's mind why would I ever want to CH change God's mind I should change my mind to conform to God not change God's mind to conform to me that's your question we're still putting on our sh list my question is should we change the doing to be about something that actually is not that but why I think again the bigger question is if hem is determined someone should be sick and we believe that everything God does is for the best then God has determined that it's for the best for that person to be sick so why am I trying to ruin that person's best what's best for them is to be sick why we don't understand how that's best it doesn't make sense to us it's painful to us but if we believe in God we believe that God has determined that's what's best to that person why would I want to change his mind instead do for the people who are going to be broken over the laws so maybe ding for something else but why doing for that or maybe God wants them to be broken for the loss why should we doing for God to make them not broken for the loss why ever Doin What why doin why doin first of all we don't really know the outcome that he is really meant to be sick forever we don't really know because we can't figure out God's plan that's number one and my second point would be that it's not a relationship if we're going to have a relationship with God we have to tell him what we would like whether he would like it or not and he could say the answer could be no or not now or you're never even going to know the answeres otherwise it's not a relationship if we just say well whatever he wants correct then we're not really a relationship has give and take a relationship wants us to object and protest when we seen Injustice and that we learned from last week's par a and St it was a precedent for us that God sometimes wants us but said I've said countless times we take three steps forward at the beginning of because the word Vash was used three times and elah three times in in tanak great leaders individual stepped forward to confront a situation so when we step forward for we're stepping forward to to protest to object sometimes he's inviting he wants that but put more globally so the famous answer that that's given and and I find um resonates with me is the idea that um sometimes Hashem does it because he wants art F and and and the consequence or the result of is that we are different at the end than we were at the beginning right the word the word to DAV is hit it's reflexive through the experience of daving we're changed so maybe that old version of me was deserving of that reality but through I've changed myself and what I'm saying is Hashem the new version of me is deserving of a new reality so you'll say well that works for our own issues and our own prayers how does that work for a friend how does that work for a friend so I I spoke a little bit I didn't have time to get into it in depth in the woman's class Torah that's where that based on the mar comes in if all of our friends pain is our pain and when I'm ding for my friend I'm essentially daving for myself sayem that person is sick or that person is suffering and that person's going through that issue it means I'm sick or I'm suffering or I'm going through that issue and I've changed I'm changed because of it bring us a new reality the more people who DAV means the more people who are expressing we collectively are pain not that was based on MAR says that you're not allowed to DAV if your is exclusively about someone else is not unless it includes a component of yourself to which the and everyone says wow that sounds so selfish I thought F should be selfless I think the highest doing is about somebody else isn't that the most noble daving to D for someone else what do you mean it's about me explains that for to be based on the r f is about asking Hashem for something I'm not in control of I'm lacking I'm missing a sense of inadequacy I need you Hashem right the the whole core of the premise of implicit within prayer is I'm missing something I need you but it's I it's the eye thou relationship it's about me and you so say means is not that you should never DAV for friends that should be the bulk of daving to DAV for friends to be so caring and so sensitive and so selfless but it means that what is the most noble form of doing for a friend not ding for the friend but when you say that that friend's pain is so real to me that it's my pain the raria Lin story when R tuski brings us all down he brings the RAR Lin story who goes to the doctor and says Doctor my wife foot is hurting us right famously he takes his wife to the doctor and he says my wife's foot is hurting us right and we all love to tell it so so cute of our so romantic so loving so sweet my wife's H is hurting us so we say to hasem my friend's illness is hurting us it's hurting us and now when I've included myself as the subject of the in other words it's not that I'm the I'm all good I'm all perfect I'm great everything's wonderful but there you have a over there that I'm doting I'm doing for this NE so I'm dominating for that neb would you take care of that neem I'm the ne I'm the ne if that person is not well I'm the neb I'm in pain I'm suffering soem you have to heal them because it's me it's me that's the high most authentic it sounds selfish not selfless but it's the most authentic and genuine cuz we don't care about anyone as much as we care about ourselves self-preservation and our own and that's that's just the human psyche and it's good it's important we care about other people but we care about ourselves so when I intertwine my life with the other person and their pain is my pain I'm doming for myself so the more people who say that that that's why re someone's going through something and we say everyone DAV the more people are doing means the more people are saying that they're not going through it so either if there 10 people who care there's 10 of us going through it Hashem there's a hundred of us there's a thousand of us Hashem there's 100,00 of us going through this you really going to do this to 100,00 of us you're not doing it to one you're doing it to 100,000 of us and througha a 100,000 of us are different today than we were yesterday because of this so we're due with different reality the 100,000 of us who are in pain for that person who DAV so sincerely from the bottom of our hearts for that person who've hit P hit P who've changed ourselves through because of our pain our pain we're all deserving of a new judgment hasem sometimes says no he said no to a with s he said no to mosha when Moshe said show me your face and mosha wanted to enter Israel this week he said no to us and he sometimes says no he says no and we don't understand why but the mechanism through which the is working to the way I understand it is that's why this so meaningful to me it doesn't think less of us to say that we have to include ourselves in the it's more it's elevating the more of us who are protesting and objecting and doing together the more powerful a message it is so was saying here we'll pick up with this next week andem is that daving is not just okay here's my to list for you it's exactly what said we work for God he doesn't work for us sh is not God you know there there's some marriages where when one of the parties leaves to work he hands the piece of paper okay here's here's what I need you to do today the dry cleaning and dinner and the kids school and pay the bill and do the whatever is not our handing our p and saying okay Hashem here's your to-do list for today here's your to-do list for today that's not what daving is daving is Hashem here are the things I'm grateful for or here are the things I'm protesting about here the things I need and if that conforms with what you think is best for me please do it if it doesn't conform with what you think is best for me I defer to you don't do it don't do it right implicit with every is if there's a conflict between my view and yours let's go with you but if the whole reason that you gave me this need is to waken me up to come to you I'm here I mean there's a story of who's I'll end with this I'll make a note in fact where we were up to is who comes to say goodbye to his Reb he's going on a long business trip and the Reb says to him where you going so he said I'm going going to this country and that country and the other country so says are you going to Paris in Paris they have these incredible cigars I love this brand of cigar this wonderful cigar can you bring me back a case of of those cigars so says absolutely for sure so he goes on the trip and he thinks it's kind of peculiar the Reb cigars that's what he wants okay but uh okay he sets out he's going to make it to that store he goes on the trip and the trip is so timec consuming it's so distracting and he's so occupied and preoccupied he makes it the country to Country he gets through Paris he comes home he didn't bring the cigars he comes to the Reb and he's so upset I'm so sorry I forgot and I can't believe in the Reb wanted the cigars so badly and I forgot the cigars and the Reb looks at me and says do you really think I want the cigars I don't care about the cigars my dear said while you're away on this business trip I wanted you to remember me I wanted you to be thinking about me so if everywhere you went you had to remember oh yeah when I go to Paris I got to get those cigars you'd be taking with me with you on that trip I don't care about the cigars but you forgot about me so sometimes said say here's what I want you to get me or here's a challenge or here's a conflict why I want you to remember me I want you to remember me if your child's credit card didn't need to be paid or there was no money left on the debit card you'd never hear from them so because the debit card runs out and now all of a sudden they find themselves Indigent and poor and I need money and you get the phone call Dad ABA please could you put more money on the debit card which is a loose translation ofu so you say oh you I'm happy to put the money on your card cuz now that you've reached out to me we spoke and we caught up but if I didn't uh let the card dry out run out I'd never hear from you sometimes Hashem sends us stuff because he says I'd never hear from you I don't want the cigars and I'm happy to put money on your card but if you didn't run out of money you'd never I'd never hear from you now that I heard from you and you're filling me in a little bit absolutely I put money more money on your card so it's much it's very complicated we could talk about this all day long but the bottom line is that life is so much richer and life is so much more meaningful and life is so much better and easier and life is so much less anxiety and worry and fear when one feels Hashem in our lives andem next week should be much much much better than this week and filled only with wonderful s amen