Part 83: Living for Him or for You?

good morning ladies I want to thank our sponsors dor of aorland who continue to sponsor in memory of their beloved daughter Miriam EST Mish should have an Aliyah am we are still in the same piece by the on L it's discussing L but really it's relevant as we've been saying to the entire year and talking about the special relationship that we have with Hashem the notion of taking our an taking our sense of self our eye and nullifying it or submitting it to Hashem trying to make our will conform to his his and when we do that then he reciprocates and he expresses his love and affection back directing it towards us an I take my an my sense of self is Le and then do is to me and that's what we've been talking about last week we focused on I'm trying to direct my as to as for as for my sense of self my prayer is that I can direct it to you and we talked about the different times in our life that are in you experience something that you think is a coincidence you witness something magnificent you tap into the energy of you call out to when he's close to us the time of the year that we have the greatest access to him all these are considered to be a these are moments that are predisposed auspicious moments moments pregnant in time with opportunity to to be able to connect with him and the Mandate the mission of a Jew is to seize them is to take advantage of them is to bottle them you had a moment of inspiration there was MOS there were dor there was something that moved you capture that moment of being moved bottle it so we can come back to it so we can revisit it I think last week we spoke about the phenomenon of having uh they have kids write letters to themselves they can come back and read the future self can read a letter from their past self so when they were in that moment of inspiration they can come back to it and that's our mission as well so we're on P the bottom left paragraph does everyone see where we are yeah okay we'll keep reading anyway as appears in the acronym for the entire theme of the book of when a Jew successfully fulfills like in any relationship we keep coming back to like in marriage like in friendship like in any meaningful relationship in life when a person can put the other ahead of themselves when a person devotes and dedicates thems to the other then then the other one reciprocates every young couple I counsel I meet with before their wedding I always tell them the Jewish notion of marriage I always tell them the Cuba does not talk about what you're entitled to get theba talks about what you're responsible to give when you have two parties who are givers then you have two happy people when you have two people who are takers you have a divorce you have friction you have unhappiness you have people who are looking to to take from one another so the same is true in our relationship with hasm an if you walk into the relationship with hhm if you woke up this morning you say Okay God I'm entitled what do you got for me today am I going to win the lottery today what are my stocks going to do today what kind of Nas am i g to get today what kind of opportunities am I going to have today okay God bring it on shower the BR on take take take take from Hashem that's all I want to do is take what about the giving what about God's priorities what about his needs what about putting what he wants first what about putting what he wants first it's not only true in a romantic relationship of a husband and wife it's true in the relationships of parents and children parents says to the children all the time look if you care about what I care about if you put what I care about first then I'm going to care about what you care about I will inconvenience myself I will selflessly spend my resources on you instead of me I'll do what you want I'll invest in you if you show me just a hint that you care about what I care about but if you want to dismiss and neglect what I care about and tell me it's not your problem and you don't care about it why should you have to do it and all that from whether it's helping me clear the table to I'm asking you a chasing you to Davin to everything in between if you don't care about what I care about why should I care about what you care about relationships are reciprocal and again when you have two parties who are prepared to give you have two parties who are prepared to compromise to prepared to do for the other you have to happy you have a happy relationship you have two happy people you have people very focused on taking and receiving you have two unhappy people my I don't care about what I want I care about what you want I want to bring you I want to bring you Joy and pride so what you want is what I want and this is the path of CH to nullify and cancel every sense of self my sense of an my sense of I we live in a world where it's all about the eye I I I what I want my pleasure my life my desire My identity me me me I I I who Shapiro North Miami Beach used to have a whole routine that in the old world they used to eat crep L and crem L and everything L and now it's the iPhone and the iPad and the I used to be uh you had a whole routine in the old world it was all focused on the other l means you crem l crep l all the foods had to do with you today the technology is all about me the iPhone and the iPad and the iMessage and the eye this and the eye that so we live in a world that's anus it's i i i i my happiness my desire My want I can Define myself however I want I can pursue whatever pleasure I want I can do whatever makes me happy the whole world needs to conform to me can't have values you can't have standards you can't have priorities me me me I spoke recently to a group of students somewhere to to a group of kids and um without getting into details I just remember when I was a kid if a kid a boy came to school and their hair was too long or their clothing was too inappropriate you got sent home you have to be a mench you can't come back till you get a haircut the kids who came home you can't get back till you have a haircut or if you had a haircut but the haircut was too funky you can't come back till don't come back till you fix that haircut you can't come back till you fix that haircut now you're afraid but that's the kid's individual expression but if I tell them you got to get a haircut or a boy you got to take that ponytail out or this you got to do that you this you have to be that what's it called a bun a man bun it's called I don't know so today there's such fear that everybody has to be able to be happy I I have to conform to your happiness the Torah menite der the curriculum the standards the values the policies it all has to conform to you because you deserve to be happy we grew up we had to conform to it this is the policy this is the standard this is the expectation this is the so we're living in a world of radical anus it's radical I it's radical what I want what I need what makes me happy my individuality my expression my identity my orientation my want my desire so what's Thea there not Hashem says look if it's all about you then there's no room for me there's not enough room in this world for you and me if it's all anus if it's i i i there's not enough room there's not enough room so the is to be how do we grow as people to shrink our sense of eye you want to improve your marriage try shrinking your sense of eye you want to improve relationship with children with your parents with your friends with your boss with your co-workers with your colleagues with your neighbors it's true in every relationship most poignantly maybe even most importantly in our relationship withm but it's true in all relationships work to diminish the anas the I the ego the ID put the other person first be a m be willing to forgo and to nullify and to let it go and and you'll see the relationships around us will Thrive when we do that reciprocates he re iates you know we're talking about the whole I I I so in the of Schwarz was talking about we've quoted this last several weeks kind of learning two things simultaneously this and this piece I was going through called hunger and appetite for Ras and he's been talking about the human being is composed of two simultaneously we're composed of two parts we're the body and we're the soul we're the animal and we're The Godly spirit and each is incomplete without the other to be be a body without a soul is a gum it's nothing it's worthless but to be a soul without a body has no expression no purpose in this world the whole mission of this world is to be a soul housed by a body who has Free Will and makes meaningful choices and he's been developing we've been sharing this idea that the the body has an appetite the body gets hungry it instinctively knows it needs to eat and no matter how tired we are we eat something on the way to bed because I'm so hungry I couldn't go to sleep without eating what about the appetite of the Soul have we trained our soul to be hungry to have an instinctual appetite to Intuit an appetite to be unable and unwilling to go to sleep if it hasn't been fed some Torah some some to have this hunger and he talks about um I think I told you last week how our entire Jewish calendar is really a gastrointestinal calendar it's a physical calendar rather than a spiritual calendar we relate to everything about the foods rather than the soul so I was learning it again and he continues and he says beel in in kelm which was one of the mus communities one of the mus yeshivas a student of the the AL of when two Jews would meet and one would say what's new how are you what's new so how do we answer what's new when you run into a friend and they say what's new what do you say you say says but how do we answer what are kind of typical answers we say you know there's a sale at whatever Nordstroms I just got incredible clothing I just joined membership that new gym that opened across the street it's incredible they've got a deal right now you could join membership oh I've been cooking for rashash Shana I started a month ago and I froze some things but now I'm making the rest of the things and I'm cooking now oh I got a new car my lease was up and looking at the deal I got and I was able to get the car that I thought I couldn't get but I got the Lea Mercedes the Tesla whatever when someone says how are you what's new all of our answers all of our answers have to do with the physical world I just lost a lot of weight I can't believe what I look like I just gained a lot of weight or I just all of our answers all of our answers listen to what he says was the minan kelm in Cal when a person in El would say what's new how are you they'd say listen to this incredible she I just went to listen to this G I just heard let me tell you about the DAV the shakas I had yesterday let me tell you about the tahilla I plan on saying later in kelm someone said no what's new what what's new how are you what's going on what's new right Facebook what what's the Facebook ask you what's what's you're supposed to post what's on your mind whatever it asks you right so the world says here's what's on my mind here's a picture of the dessert I just had that's what's on my mind my here's my neb my poor kids I made them hold up a sign the first day of school and they put a picture that's what's on my mind in kelm they if they had Facebook in kelm when when Facebook would say what's on your mind or what's new or whatever Facebook asks they'd say I I grew in your I am today what's on my mind listen listen to the daving listen to the I just did listen to the that I want to do do you want to do it with me it's an entirely different Paradigm it's an entirely different way of living life he says if you if you don't answer that question when someone sees you what's new differently than someone who didn't have Torah than two non-jews saying what's new or two non-observant Jews saying new then what is Torah in your life and what is the Torah in your life two non-jews say to each other what's new they say did you see Nadal won the fifth set at 2 a.m. last night did you see what happened did you stay up it's possible maybe I catch it but did you see did you see what happened that's what so if you're how do you answer the question differently if you're a Jew than a non-jew how do you answer it differently if you have Torah in your life than if you didn't have Torah your life and if that's not our instinct to answer having to do with our Nish then which is the real us our body or our soul so it's not that we are a body and we have a soul we are a soul and we have a body so why don't why why don't we talk that way Russia is coming up it's not just about the roast or the honey the Apple which new fruit did you get or or did you get the new suit the new clothing the new outfit the new dress it's about what did you do to grow in your in did you take on listening to a new she every day did take on saying to did you take on trying to do a little bit more did you take on doing and caring about others did you say listen to who I invited for the meals because I was concerned they had nowhere else to go not just the roast so it's all an orientation and it's a paradigm and it's a major major shift in how we are and how we are leading our lives he says that um we'll come back to in one second butw says really so beautifully he says you know our day is divided up into units or parts so give 90% of it to your body 90% of it to our body earn your parnasa go to the gym shop and cook the Food Eat Sleep do 90% for the body but are we giving 10% to our soul if we are a soul and have a body if the ior if the core of who we are if the central part of who we are is the soul not the body so okay we're taking care we're we're we're nourishing the body and we're we're the body is indulging but what about the soul what about the soul give the soul a little bit at least a little bit so he says what do mean I don't give my soul 10% I woke up early I went to and then it was followed by Shak and later I'm going to go to and I go to and I do the da and I go to the class and I do the and I say that to hel aren't I giving it so he says no you're only giving it externally are you giving it with the body or the soul even the mitzvos even the soul things you're doing are you doing them with the body or the soul so are we doing them as empty actions are we going through the motions of doing them thear ques that Hashem wants our heart he wants the inner depth he wants what what comes from the inside so even when we do the things of the Soul are we doing the things of the Soul with the body you know what it's like it's like you know so the wife says to the husband you don't give me any time you're always golfing with your buddies you're running out to the shear or you're working deep into the night and you don't give me any time so he gives her time but the whole time he's with her he's on his phone or he gives the time but he's distracted he's eating dinner with her at the restaurant but the game is on in the background and his eye keeps going to the game in the background so she says honey I I I wanted your time he says what are you complaining about my time I'm here aren't I I'm not with my friends I didn't go out with them for the cigar I'm not watching the game with them I'm not at the sh at the she aren't I with you she says listen if you're going to be here then be here if you're going to be with me then with me it's nice that you feel you could put a check that you you made the time you carved the hour in your calendar you went out with me at night for dinner but you weren't really with me even when you thought you were with me so in the hour that you finally dedicated to our relationship you weren't even giving to our relationship says the same thing I'm proud of you you came to you DAV you open the sitter you open the TM it's nice you did those things but when you're doing those things do those things Le boy I want your heart I want your love I want your emotions I want the real you I don't want your absent presence I want want you to be fully fully present in what you're doing listen to his words doesn't want us just going through the actions the Motions the Golem of Prague a Golem a robot actions a robot could do you don't think in 2018 we could design a robot and you sit and you program it you wouldn't even have to type you could speak to it you voice you know you say Alexa go to shakas and say Pages 27 to 62 and then Alexa go to Su and then turn the page halfway through and do the second side Alexa Alexa could you go to the soup kitchen and serve you could tell a robot what to do it's like of prag going through the massim but we're not supposed to be living life like a Golem we're not robots there're supposed to be aish a heart a soul to what we're doing and he says this is about we're about to start saying what are we going to start saying remember me for Life yesterday in the we quoted a word of the appropriately so why am I asking for all of this give me life give me Health extend my life give me resources in life help me be alive help me feel alive all why so that I can serve you so I can fulfill F your mission so it could execute on your vision so he says but we're Liars because if all we care about is our body not our soul if our CER is set by our stomach not by our Nish if our interest if our pride if the answer to the question how are you what's new what's doing is all about our body then really we should say God give me life give me resources give me everything why not for me for me cuz I love your food Hashem you make such good food I love your food I love your clothing you have so many great clothing at at uh nean Marcus nordrum and blooming amaz I love your clothing Hashem I love the cars you make Hashem I love being able to watch Tennis I love give me all that so I can better serve who me if we want then it's got to be hashm why do I want Health why do I want to be alive what's the greatest Nas for my children Dr pelov always talks about every family has a bumper sticker on the back of their car every family's got the bumper sticker what does yours say right some my kid goes to the Ivy League school and my kid goes to the this and my kid goes to the that what does our bumper sticker say what does our bumper what what do what do our children grow up knowing will give us the greatest Pride the highest SAT score the best lsats the IV League school when they earn the seven figures what that they do will give us the most that too that's okay they can give us thatas nothing wrong with thatas they can have that we gladly take that but what will give the greatest the or the the things that they do for themselves the achievements and the accomplishments they do ABA single digit handicap I broke through I'm only a nine golf now that's the the greatest Nas our children need to know from a young age you got a great grade that's so amazing that's so nice I'm so proud of you my dear but did you treat someone nicely today tell me something you did for someone else today I quoted many years ago a Harvard study not many a few years ago a Harvard study that that talked about that they pulled children what do your parents ask you what do your children care more about how well you do in school or how you treat others in school and overwhelmingly the children responded how well I do and why because what's the question they're asked when they come home every day not did you treat someone else nicely today but how'd you do on the test what grade did you get 96 where are the other four points what happened to the other four points so what do our children think are we living lives of or and what do our children see they see us living lives of or are we a Golem are we a robot are we another version of an Alexa that is saying to us go to we go to go to we go through the motions we're just Alexa we're just a robot going through for the Motions or is there a a are we a or is there a soul is there a aama to what we're doing is are we giving him the best of us are we giving him the essence of who we are of who we are that's what this is all about how does an AA happen the eye sees and then the heart desires and then the body performs so how do the opposite the inverse if the way that we come to make the wrong decision is exactly that formula the ey sees the heart wants and then the body goes and executes so then how do we become holy following the same formula but in the opposite direction to have the right mindset to strive for kadha let the I see opportun for kadus you know you get in the message board oh they're getting together they're saying to H I got to go to that I can't miss that oh there's a they showing video I don't want to miss that oh there's a opportunity somebody's looking for a meal we've got plenty of room at our table if you live life where your eye sees not theara your eye doesn't see oh there's a sale at Nordstrom but your eye sees there's someone who needs a place to sleep for rashash then the heart will desire that and then the the body will follow through with the actions it says lift your eyes to the heavens and you'll see who created everything soab says it doesn't just mean literally look your eyes to the heavens the clouds there's a lot of rain to look at lately look at the stars the constellations I wrote about when I was in Montana what you see is really in the sky all along that we can never see so it's not just look to the heavens and you'll see who created everything look to the heavens doesn't just mean literally physically look to the heavens it means look at the heavens live a life where you're looking through the view of the Nish you could look through life with the body glasses or you could look through life with the soul glasses do you see bodies or do you see Souls do you see opportunities to indulge the body or you see opportunities to indulge the soul do see opportunities to feed the body or feed the soul that my my soul thirst for God you ever come back from a hike or you came off an airplane which is very dry or you just finished exercising and you need a drink your mouth is so dry your tongue is stuck to the top of your mouth you just need a drink so badly some so that's when you need that drink so badly then that's how we're supposed to need need so badly so I can either direct my eye that my eye sees sales and brand names and labels and all kinds of yet and my ey sees cheesecake and chocolate cake and pint of ice cream is that what my eye sees and then my heart wants and my body executes or does my eye see my eye sees spiritual opportunities oh there's a she they get together oh there a opportunity and does my heart then crave that and is my body trained does my body trained all of my bones scream out and when you get to this level a Jew merits he fulfills she fulfills now again I want to just B Del and then reciprocates and I want to make the same disclaimer again it's not suggesting that we get to a level where don't watch Tennis the US Open don't eat anything that tastes good don't ever shop and buy something nice just wear a sackcloth and it's not what Torah wants from us the Torah says Hashem says I created a beautiful world and I want you to enjoy M Kinder and go enjoy K is like the ultimate mother he says ask M K go eat eat my good food I made good food it's for you eat eat and relax and enjoy and wear clothing and drive a nice car live in a nice house enjoy a beautiful silver be but Hashem says enjoy just don't ever confus that the reason you're enjoying it is because of this world and is for you for your an enjoy it to better position you to fulfill your purpose and why you're here so you need to relax relax watch them US Open there's nothing wrong with that you need to eat it should taste good enjoy eat you need clothing look nice be put together be attractive the aesthetic also describes it reflects hashem's Beauty there's nothing wrong with all of that but is it an ends to itself or is it a means is it the ends that it's serving me or is it a means that the Le that that I'm doing all of it to serve hem the measure the metrics which to measure everything that we're doing is or why do I want it for me or I want it for you do I want it for me or do I want it for us for our relationship it's a good metric to measure our relationships in life I want to go here I need to do this right now why do I need to do this honey why do I need a break why am I going out with friends why do I need to attend that it's not for me it's for us I want to be better relaxed I need to eat for my work for us to succeed for us to have what we need I need to go there right now to measure everything in life not from to live a not egocentric life but other Centric life to be connected the recipe for El is no different than the recipe for all relationships with our life it's just that our relationship with hasm is the most neglected unfortunately tragically it's the most neglected because it's the harder to see you see the other people in your life and believe me if you neglect them you hear from the other people in your life right so the people in life we see we touch we hear we have all the senses are met in our connection with them none of our senses are met you don't smell them touch them hear him see him none of our senses are met with Hashem now again you can see him smell him touch him feel him if you're antenas up and you're open to seeing him in life and throughout life but in the most literal sense in the most practical sense we can't connect with Hashem through any of our senses so we struggle so therefore it becomes the relationship which we neglect the easiest and the most but it's the most important relationship and it's the relationship that brings us the most meaning the most fulfillment and the happiest just like in all relationships the more that my an is to the other the more the other is to me the happier we are and the same is true with Theon Shalom so we should be that when we say these words now in remember us we're not going to meet again before remember us for life it should be a good year of Life of health of sustenance of for us for our children for our grandchildren for our neighbors for our friends for cl Isel but why Reon shal when you're choosing whether to give me that why why what what is it all about rash were being M we're declaring him M we're coronating him we're renewing his dominion over us so what happens when you declare someone King what happens if you look in the Torah you see no me no mention of Y having to do with rash y it's not y in the Torah no mention of D how did it turn into Judgment Day for us the answer is very simple because it's coronation day we are declaring Hashem King so what happens when you vote in a new president you know what happens at their inauguration and if not at the inauguration the moment after the king sits down and says the president sits down and says who should I put in my cabinet who from my campaign staff is so important I need to keep them around who am I giving a job to and who am I letting go so we coronate a KES we declare him King and then he immediately says okay I'm King I'm charge I'm the ruler for another year let me take inventory and see who to keep in my cabinet who to keep around who is serving my kingdom and who's in it for themselves I quoted in the weekly from Mel bman Who quotes from Miller that somebody asked him once what should why do to succeed on rash on Yad and his answer was smile smile a lot in El why so imagine you know Walmart is determining which workers they have to they're going to it's the new year and they're reviewing the Walmart who should we keep around who should we let go so they say you know that guy in the front the greeter the big smile do you know there are people who shop here just to get a smile from him so I don't care how old he is or how inefficient he is but his smile brings customers back keep him around we got to keep him around our business can't afford to lose his smile said feels the same way you smile and a says I got to keep him around I got to keep her around that's a kidish hasem that's people getting people close to me that's a kides hasem so Theon looks at all of us so what worker do you keep around the one who always has the interest of the company of the corporation first or the worker who's in it for them leaves at the first opportunity comes at the last moment they have to come always wants to raise them the most money always puts themselves ahead who are you going to keep around so the biggest argument we can make to Theon next week coming into rash is to say Hashem I'm asking you for a lot I want par this year want health for me my parents my family people I care about and love I'm asking for Nas for my children I'm asking for this that and the other I'm asking for a lot but you know why I wanted Hashem for the for the company for the corporation for the mission statement and the value statement and the vision statement of of this company called the Jewish people that's why I'm asking you for all this stuff but you know why it's not it's not me I'm not the ends life is not all about me the world doesn't revolve around me it's please give it to me but not for me because I'm asking for it that in itself is the most compelling argument of why you should give it so we should all be for a year of a year of that's a life that would make the Mel proud the life that hem wants us to want to have and wants us to have and wants us to live and he should answer all of our hearts desires