Part 81: A Reciprocal Relationship

okay good morning everyone I want to thank our sponsors this morning our Amun is generously sponsored by dear friends of to wish her a successful surgery and a We are continuing with the uh Shalom the new school has started today it's the wonderful sound of children's voices we're hearing if you can close the door we appreciate it okay we've been working our way through this piece in the Shalom okay okay that was no just leave it right there standing right in front of it now the who has been talking to us about how to connect to Hashem not only during these days of the year these holy days of the year but how to connect to Hashem all throughout the year and the key to connecting to Hashem is removing the biggest obstacle the biggest barrier that we have to Hashem what do they call that when when the kids come to school the first day and you have to pH that right we're hearing the sounds of phasing in there's a there's a fine line between the sound of phasing in and the sound of torture it's a it's a very fine line um we're going to stop this that's not going to work so that's the sound of phasing in so the biggest obstacle the biggest impediment that we have towards our relationship with Hashem is is us is us is ourselves is what the has been talking about is our sense of an who we are our identity our ego our desires our needs our wants our lust and that becomes an enormous impediment it's not just true in the relationship with Hashem it's true in all relationships relationships fail when there's a clash of egos relationships fail when relationships fail when people are going to people are going to think I'm torturing uh it's coming from the shear itself when when this a clash of egos when there's a CL Clash of desires of interests of egos is when relationships are really compromised it's when relationships really fail and it's true in our relationship with Hashem a real relationship requires humility it requires humility it requires vulnerability to let the other person in you need to be willing to let them see your faults your shortcomings your pimples and your warts you have to let them see everything about you the r we shared yesterday in the par in our par we have the Mitzvah of M you have to put a fence around um around the balcon or around a staircase or around a rooftop and what's the reason what's the source of this of this Mitzvah of salich suggests that um the notion of coming towards the edge of something dangerous is to feel our own vulnerability if you don't put up a fence you feel you're you don't you're not vulnerable you feel that you are uh you live a certain life you feel no sense of Frailty you see feel a sense of permanence that breeds ego it breed breeds arrogance the feeling of vulnerability that you come towards the edge you get nervous you're anxious that feeling of vulnerability is a very healthy feeling and because vulnerability breeds a sense of of humility and so we put a fence around our roof and we put a fence around our lives to realize that we can't Teeter towards the edge that we are vulnerable that we rely utterly on Hashem so again the source of of the biggest impediment to our relationship with Hashem is the sense of an who I am my ego my arrogance and the more I can sublimate it the more I can eliminate it the more I can submit it to Hashem then the stronger and the greater a relationship that I will have with hasem and that's what saying the is my I direct and when I do do is Lee and again we talked about that in relationships when I say to the other party my an is directed Le to you I want you to be happy I put your needs ahead of my own you are the center of my life and the other one says well you're the center of my life then you end up having to happy people and that's what the said that's the in what this we say regarding my my prayer is that I can direct it to you that I measure everything I'm about to do and think and want through the prism of does it give you does it make you proud does it meet your needs I'm putting you a is I'm putting you ahead of myself so we are on the bottom left of the of the front page of the front side I believe we are let's start two lines from the bottom in the moment of in an auspicious moment in a moment when you can be appeased in a moment which is predisposed to connection with you my prayer is that I should succeed in directing myself in a relationship with you couple stands on to the their prayer should be I hope that I can always keep you at the center of my life I said the kala walks around the seven times puts him at the center of her Circle he puts a ring on her finger puts her at the center of his Circle and the prayer is that in perpetuity for the rest of their married lives that they don't see themselves as the center of their Circle but that they're able to place the other the other's priorities the other's wants the other's needs and so on that all my longing and All My Desire is only for you Hashem that I have no personal interest I have no Personal Agenda my entire agenda is conforms with yours Hashem you've given us a prescription you've given us a road map for what you want and expect from the world how to repair the world you've told us so my regarding who I am my prayer is that in this that I can successfully direct my life to you that I'm not here to serve my needs I'm not here to accumulate more things I'm not here to gain more pleasure I'm here to serve you now the amazing thing is that the more we serve him the greater the pleasure that we have the more we are of service to him the more Mission driven we are the more happiness that we find I was talking learning with a group the other night we were talking about how happiness as a value is a really certain modern goal you know they say that if you look at pictures of certainly the beginning of when pictures begin you don't see every people smiling why because they were all miserable the whole world was miserable no but like now the notion that you need to project a smile and you need to project happiness and even more our society that says you deserve happiness and do whatever it takes to get happy and do what makes you happy and don't care what others think about it and don't care whether it complies with any other system or expectations your happiness your happiness you're unhappiness so of old and I'm not just trying to wax nostalgic for the old days when everything was great and amazing it wasn't always when we were running from pgrs and persecution and attempts to annihilate us maybe that's why I wouldn't smile so much either but but in the old days happiness was not the goal it wasn't the virtue it wasn't the measure by which we led a meaningful life the measure of a meaning for life was did you survive to the end of the day and did you raise children or I think for many of our great grandparents that was their goal did you feed the cows did you turn over the hay and your children still sh shabas and are they safe and secure from the kasaks who want to kill them that was the measure of their day today thank God we don't have that and so the measure of our day has become am I happy I deserve to be happy am I as happy as I deserve to be why aren't I as happy as the person next to me and I watch on on Snapchat and Instagram and Facebook and everyone else looks so happy even though as soon as the camera goes off they're absolutely more miserable than I am but there's such Happiness and happiness and Happiness and happiness and who said happiness is a goal who says happiness is a goal we don't live for happiness we live for Holiness we're not living for my happiness and here's the I was talking about this with a group of people the other night and one of them pointed out I think so correctly that the irony the Paradox is that in days of old when they didn't live for happiness they were happier and we who've defined our measure and metric and goals for life is happiness are so terribly unhappy all around us is such unhappiness people are numbing themselves to that unhappiness through all kinds of behaviors addictions substances there's such unhappiness so when you when you pursue happiness you'll never get there you'll never catch up to it but when you're not running after it it will find you when you're living a life of meaning of purpose of Mission and you're driven to be able to to uh to do things that are truly meaningful and truly deep every moment every decision what am I going to do right now I can go to the Amun here go to the gym I get a manicure I can cook I can check in somebody who's not feeling well I can this I can what will give the greatest this thing I want to say right now this place I want to go right now this thing I want to eat right now the choice I'm about to make right now to measure it all not not through the metric of what will give me the greatest happiness but what will give Hashem the greatest right and again the irony or the Paradox is that if I do that I'll be the happiest I could be because I'll be living the most fulfilled satisfying Mission Driven Life and there's nothing that gives greater happiness than fulfilling the purpose for which we are created for feeling relevant than feeling that we matter nothing gives us more happiness that's the irony so when every decision is driven happiness I'm constantly running after it I'll never catch up with it but when decisions are driven by being here for a mission giving to hasem asking what does he want what does he expect from me right now regarding who I aming is I hope that through my day I can constantly ask myself what does Hashem want from me right now that doesn't mean that you're sitting and saying to Hill him from morning to night that you don't deserve that manicure or you don't deserve to watch the football game or you don't deserve to relax of course that is not only allowed and not only okay it's necessary because to re-energize to reinvigorate to reposition ourselves to go back to life and doing what Hashem wants he understands that includes eating and sleeping and relaxing but the question is you know what's a reasonable amount of that person who takes an hour to legitimately relax is different than the person who gets hooked into something and binge watches and now went to sleep at 4:00 a.m. because they had to see the entire series and instead of being more relaxed and reinvigorated that's assuming that there's anything that's legitimate or Hally okay to watch but even if there were a person who who the person who overdoses or overindulges in the technology doesn't come the next day reinvigorated more relaxed and more ready to serve Hashem they're more exhausted they're more compromised they're more unable so again the metric what I'm about to do right now am I relaxing and chilling so that I can fall asleep have a good night's sleep and and kill it tomorrow serving Hashem or am I binge watching something without any awareness of what time it is or the impact this is going to have on me or the model I'm setting for my kids or or what I'm doing to my soul the numb inducing whatever coma I'm putting my soul in to be able to say I finish this series when a person fulfills this this goal now it's not like oh well we talked about it this morning Wednesday so by Thursday when you finish this we'll give you your next assignment this is a lifelong assignment for which most people never ever come close right but this is the mission there's a lot of lifelong aspirations that we have which we know we may never come close but they remain our aspiration they're held out as our aspiration our ambition our goal forever so this one too regarding who I am so the more we do it even though you can never fully accomplish it you'll never fully get there but the closer we come and the more we do it Hashem reciprocates many many many marriage counselors experts will tell you that you know even in marriage you can't change the other party no matter how much you will or want you can't change the other party what you can do is change yourself and more often than not if you change your attitude and the the um kind of Paradigm with which you come to the marriage the other person will change too that the best way to change another is to change ourselves so how Hashem relates to me is not in my power how I relate to him is and he will reciprocate because when people feel love when they feel they're at the center of your circle when they feel they're your priority when they feel you care genuinely about them and their need and their want so normal decent hopeful non psychotic people can will will uh innately and instinctively feel that back so that's why the end of that sentence regarding who I am my identity my is I hope I can successfully live my life as I need Hashem I exist only because you will it and want it and I'm here to fulfill your vision for it and I want every choice to be one that gives you tremendous you're the center of my circle then then then hasem reciprocates and says wow you're amazing that's fantastic you get it I feel your love and you know what I love you too and I want you to be happy and I'm going to tr try to make my will conform to yours so when we say Hashem I'm making my will con conform to what you want Hashem says that's incredible I'm going to try to make my will conform to what you want when a Jew clings to God out of love that if a person can successfully cling to Hashem through every circumstance through every decision through every moment in life the highs and the lows the easy and the difficult the challenging times and the Triumph the joy the success but if we cling to Hashem in every moment from Love not just Hashem I know it's you when all goes well I know it's you when there's a Sim I know it's you when it works out but I know it's you and I know it's meant to be for me even when it doesn't I saw beautiful yesterday saw somebody online posted a beautiful yesterday Daniel gibber that we say which we're saying right now every day of we say if a war rages against me in this I have what's there's a lot of different beautiful explanations in this what's the this bizos it could be you know in you so so say hashem's name what do you mean bizos in this says you know what the you know what it is that I theem you threw a challenge my way I have faith that that challenge is meant for me the greatest faith we can have is to not run away from The Challenge of course we try to use our initiative to overcome the challenge hem gives us a health scare or issue we don't say I trust that that's what's meant for me so I'm not going to the doctor and I'm not taking the medicine and I'm not going to undergo the therapy because I trust this is what wants for me that's foolishness that's not what hasem wants for us but it means that even as I'm confronting whatever the challenge is I trust that that challenge is meant for me you want to live a meaningful life then don't see every challenge as excuse to deny Hashem see every challenge as an invitation to come closer to Hashem and to realize that even though the challenge at the moment is unpleasant it's unwanted but you will emerge stronger you will emerge different you may see it in your lifetime we may never see it in our lifetime and only understand it after 120 I'm not suggesting all challenges are equal some are of such magnitude they're almost impossible to accept to understand to live with but that's the did not we talk we we read about we read his like he had this easy smooth sailing amazing life he had challenges in life that far outweigh what almost any of us can identify with right rebelliousness from children jealousy and envy and violence in his own family attempted murder by his father-in-law who wanted to kill him he had Insurrection he had his own failure with Hashem Hashem was disappointed in him he me his life was riddled with challenges but he says but each one of those challenges I trust Hashem that they didn't come to me through chance didn't come to me through Randomness I trust hem that if you threw that my way there is a reason and that is the level and degree to which we're supposed to be D bem to cling to and to feel hashem's presence in our life from the meaningless inconsequential simple like the canceled flight or the stuck at the red light or the thing that didn't work out to the really really consequential and the Really horrific isem I trust in you this is meant for me and I'm clinging I'm sticking with you I know you've got a plan and I'm sticking with You Like Glue de de but if that connection if that glue becomes becomes iffy if it starts to loosen up if it's not really sticking anymore I'm not really an the relationship is frailed God I don't know where you are and who you are and if you're even here and if you hear me and if you even care and I don't know that I'm going to make every decision of mine to appease you and to conform to you because I don't even know where you are so then so Hashem turns to you and says okay I mean takes two to tango if you're withdrawing from the relationship I can't force myself on you so then I guess that we're there's a distance there's daylight between us when you're not with him he's not with you now it's not that hasem does that as a form of punishment Hashem doesn't withdraw by saying well you don't be talking on a you're not living with vacas I've got to punish you you've withdrawn from me I'm withdrawing from you as a form of punishment it's not that a form of punishment it is simply a reality how many marriage counseling have I been involved with one party has grown away grown out of the other and the other hasn't but you know what if the one part is not invested the other party there's nothing in the world they can do it's only an do the do Lee both parties have to be invested in putting the other first in wanting to see the relationship succeed so if we say to Hashem I I know where you are and I don't know if you're here and I don't really feel like dedicating my life to you or it's inconvenient for me to have to make my choices to conform to what you want so then Hashem says okay you're entitled to do that but good luck to you right that's more of the parent child Paradigm and the child says I don't really need you I don't check in with you often and I don't want you telling me what to do and I'm not really putting what you want ahead of my own interests parent says okay I wish it were different but when you need money or you need a bailout or you need someone to swoop in on the helicopter good luck that's the that you made so we long for the we say where are youer with shower me I want everything that I want do Le I want you to be there for me I want to feel your presence in my life I want you to bring the outcomes that I desire Hashem says okay where's the an where am I in your thinking right again coming back to the marriage Paradigm so one spouse is saying how come you don't do everything I want I want to eat the resturant I want to go I want to go to vacation I want I want to spend the money I way I want I want everything the way I want the other one says okay where where do my needs come in what about what about you doing what I want where does that come in so it has to be a reciprocal relationship I saw this morning the um towards the end of his life was sick he wasn't able to tend daving in in the in the so they made a Minion for him in his home but one year he said I have to come in I have to say something so he came into DAV on rash and he said the following thing this was he exerted himself just to say the following and apparently he was so weak that he wasn't even heard by everybody his who was killed by the Nazis repeated it out loud for everyone else to hear so what have to say he said you know we start saying remember us for life you the king who who wants life write us for life for you Hashem life life life life to life to life right so what is this that we're talking about life life life so um what is life what is this life we're longing for is it simply a matter of of a pulse a heartbeat we just want to be alive is that the life no what exactly is the life that we're looking for that we're longing for what is that life you know there are many lives there many lives that we can have I um I told the story once here and I just wrote it up for an article that's going to be about's grandfather who in the concentration camp once attended a night and ran the the he said the following B we say the books of life and the books of death are open why does it say books of life and books of death it's one book you're either inscribed in the book of life you're going to live or you're going to die should be a book of life or a book of death why is it books of life and books of death so you'll have to read the article to hear his answer which is Magnificent the also asked that question and others but I suggest the answer is because there's not one life you live there's not one way to die and there's not one way to live there are many lives that we can live there are people who are dead even while they're alive and there are people who live long beyond their death and so there's specific one that we're longing for that we're looking for so we say remember us for life we're not just saying remember me for life that I have a pulse that I have a heartbeat that I'm alive physically the kind of life that we're living so got up and he said what kind of the kind of life that the king wants us to be living remember us for Life what kind of Life the kind of life that the that the king wants from us what kind of Life the kind of life that hasem want not the kind of life I want I want to be in a country club and I want to be thin I want to have the latest fashion and I wish sh more jewelry and I want to drive this car and I want to pursue this pleasure I want to have that money and I want to do these things things no I want the life that's not the that I'm ding forer I'm ding for the the life that's the what's the one that hasem wants that he gets from me where I have where I have virtue and righteousness where I'm caring and giving and sensitive and good and honest when I'm connected with him when I'm fulfilling my mission and purpose and being here that's the life we're doing for that's what we're working on here in this el el is not about well you know the Jewish I don't want to call it Christmas but the Jewish holiday is coming up where God's going to give out the prizes but we when does he determine if we've been a good boy boy or a bad girl oh y Kipper so now ell I'm on my best behavior I'm tiptoeing around because I want my prizes for the year I want a good income for the year I want good livelihood for the year maybe I want the health of the people I love around me which is certainly a a righteous desire I want here's my list Hashem here's my list is here here's my wish list and I'm going to be a good boy or a good girl because I want you to give me my wish list that's not what are all about that's what the was saying right he got out of bed infirm to make it to the B Med just say this one sentence which life the the life the king wants from us that's the life we should want for ourselves when we set our aim our goal our ambition it should not conform with what the people in the country clubs around us want a better handicap better majan score not hand handicap like disability I mean golf handicap you know better Maan score better stock portfolio that's not the Mel that's not the that we want when we're setting our up is the what does want from me and does that conform does it match with what I want from myself and if not why not and how do I get there and how do I get there person could say how can I ask to achieve this level how do I get to this level where I nullify myself because the truth is that it's important we care about ourselves we have to preserve a self-interest because otherwise people could walk all over us they could take advantage of us if we don't take care of ourselves then then we can't preserve ourselves so caring about ourselves is also important Torah tells us that we have to live we have to live if you have one canteen you're walking in the desert two people and you split the canteen you'll both die you've got to keep the canteen and watch your friend die because self-preservation is a Mitzvah in the Torah it's a Mitzvah in the Torah so to DAV to Hashem that I'm utterly sublimating my sense of self to you is that really possible you need to have a healthy sense of self another famous you have to love your neighbor as yourself begins with you have to love yourself now some people excel at that Mitzvah they need to they need to tone that down a little bit you have to love themselves a little less but others beat themselves up and they can't move past it right Thea from this past shabas was not about living in the past not get getting stuck and paralyzed and debilitated by our mistakes it's not about beating ourselves up it's about it's about crafting our future these are very difficult things can we really do that in a world and in a marketing world that says obey your F thirst and just do it and pursue your pleasure and your happiness and whatever makes you happy can we really succeed in sublimating our sense of selves from our head to our toes to direct it all literally to Hashem I need I'm going shopping do I need this shirt does Hashem want me to get this shirt does Hashem think I need another shirt does give to Hashem that I got this shirt that's the level of consciousness of mindfulness which maybe it's it's beautiful but it's nearly impossible and how many times have we we strive to achieve that and then we fail and how many times can we repeat the cycle of trying to achieve certain things and failing and not give up how many times can you can you repeat the Vicious Cycle how many times can you start the diet lose some weight think you're okay gain it all back be miserable with yourself so you start it again I mean how many times can you do it before you give up and you just say that's me now the truth is from an intellectual objective perspective from a Torah perspective who cares how many times you failed you got to keep trying I mean if it's a goal then keep trying the goal and if there's something that knocks you off course then address what's not of course but intellectually how does it make sense not to keep trying just because you haven't yet broken through and succeeded that's nice intellectually but in reality the more we try something and the more we fail and the more we visit that cycle the less good we feel about ourselves the less likely we think we are to succeed and the less likely we are to try so if we hold that out as the measure I need to regarding who I am mying is that I succeed in directing it all to you I want to take a bite of this but does Hashem want me to have a bite of this right now and is this what he wants me to have a bite of and do I need the next bite and did I bite the right way and did I chew enough before I swallow it and did I is it all giving how could you live that level so the answer is don't ask Hashem to live that way all the time only do it there are certain designated um auspicious times of of the year and in our lives where that's a moment of breakthrough we have shabas afternoon sh it's considered to be in a particular particularly Pleasant time where Hashem is more predisposed to hear our please and connect with him it's tragic in our times that many people as shabas begins to Wayne they think that ah shabas is really ending shabas is disappearing shabas is over go my M shabas plans are getting ready kick in awesome that miserable chabas where I have to disconnect from technology have no idea what's going on and I have to actually just make dude talking to the people around me and I can't wait shabas is almost over but that moment where we think shabas is almost over yay is the moment where chabas is Rich with opportunity potential invitation to connect with hem in a deeper and more lasting way that will lead for the week than any other point of shabas that's sh the P writes about it P was in love with SH and he talks about that shalash every week to him was like that was the level of shalash he was he was tapped into an energy of shalas we often neglect shalas no offense but women in particular neglect sh I mean if you're in there's nothing to do before Mar you go into sh and then when Jews have nothing to do they eat anyway so they eat so you say sh but but women are also obligated in and it's a very very important Mitzvah it's a very lofty Mitzvah and says why do we neglect shalas because we just stuffed our faces at lunch so who has an appetite for shalas which is by the way the reason it's called shalas really it should be called sud it's the third meal so why is it called sud is a name of it it is it is a correct it is a correct name for it right I shouldn't say it's it's not that that's incorrect that is the correct name for it but why do we call it shalash shalas means three meals we're not eating some do the equivalent of three meals it's one meal so why don't we call the third meal why is it called three meals so they say Friday night when you eat it's not obvious that you're doing it for shabas why because you're starving so you're eating because it's dinner what makes it what makes it different than Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday that you made Kish normally you you break bread you start eating maybe you have wine in the meal the whole institution of Kish is to introduce the meal to make it different to sanctify the meal there's no sud that's not introduce with Kish that's what makes it Friday night but it's not obvious other than Kish it's not obvious that you're doing it for shabas because you were hungry shabas lunch you're starving so when you sit down for that bowl of CH delicious kigle you're you're hungry what makes it obvious that it's for shabas come sh you're not hungry but you're eating anyway so that reflects back that all three meals were really all for chabas the fact that you're willing to eat shalas even without the appetite shows that even the meals you ate because you had the appetite were also for shabas for coved shabas KES so they say that's the origin of why it's called sh really it's you got it right oh so during that time it's considered which is from the Zar it's aric it means it's it's like it's it's it's people accuse me I overuse that word auspicious but if someone will give me a good synonym for it I'd be happy to use it but it's auspicious time it's pregnant with possibility with breakthrough the shabas I spent in square shb the lights were off for 45 minutes the greatest fire hazard I've ever witnessed but it was thousands of people packed in bleachers sitting around an enormous table and the lights were at 45 minutes you couldn't see your hand in front of your eyes and that's what made it beautiful nobody worried about what they looked like nobody was inhibited nobody was intimidated everyone was lost in that singing in that thinking of who they were you were collecting and Gathering everything from chabas so you could take it with you into the week ahead so we are beginning the countdown of shab's ending but that is the that's it that's the essence that's the climax it's the culmination it's everything that we've been building towards is that feeling of sh maybe at one point I'll bring in and we'll learn the PB descriptions and saus of what shalash has meant to him how in the world did we get to this sh it wasth how do we get to this wait one secondo oh that's how we got to it because there are certain times during the week or certain times during our lives which are an ace rut Zone where you say you know what Tuesday while I'm in the middle of doing work while the kids are in the middle of crying while I have to cook dinner while they're doing the homework it's not exactly an ace rut Zone to start connecting to who I am and my Essence and what AEM wants from me right that's not an ace rone but there are moments that are an A ratone and that's what is saying is don't hold ourselves accountable 24/7 to lead this life or to Aspire for this life or to D for this life but that's what the PK is telling us regarding who I am trying to shape my identity my prayer is that I can direct it to you that in an a I can succeed at seeing that piece of who I am that there is that capability that capacity within me right if you could see that in shalash every week then on Tuesday when you feel far from Hashem or you're tempted to forget him you remember shash if there are Jews in this community maybe I'm one of them that nil empowers you it drives you the whole year we have a beautiful n in our community and and segment of the community come together certain Min and and we DAV and and it's all created by the community you could hear a pin drop in the level of singing in the walls reverberate that's an ace Ron there there are people have described to me on the way out in El they they saw a potential in themselves they didn't know was there they Revisited a feeling that they haven't had in a long time or they had a feeling they never knew they were capable of having right A Feeling their Nish alive a feeling they just nourished a piece of themselves that they normally struggle to even know is there is an for the P that was every is that a you have great news that you just received in your life for your family with your children is an ace ratone so that's what he is is encouraging us is to to do it all the time so a monthlong aceone is 40 days from to Yer that's a long run of an aone that's tough that's like that's like an ultramarathon aone right sometimes you get it within you to run down the block sometimes all you have in you is to run to the elevator sometimes you can run all the way the whole block sometimes you go for a run you can run the whole circle and and there are people who can do an ultramarathon ell is an ultramarathon it's a month long of an you know Hashem I'm not capable of this 12 months of the year and I don't need to expect myself to be capable 12 months of the year but I could see myself capable for this month so I don't know that I could say to him every day for the rest of my life for El I'm saying to H him every day I don't know that I'm going to bench from a sitter I don't know that I'm going to go do this I don't know I'm going to do that for I'm taking it on an for L I can put my you at the center of my circle okay we'll start with this next time this paragraph talking about how we relate to hem and how we connect in terms of what we ask of him but I think it's a very powerful way that he's ending is that the goal is not necessarily to hold out for ourselves a possibility that's impossible because then we develop y then we give up then it becomes hopeless but if we we designate times that we feel are predisposed that we can have that breakthrough and we capture it in that moment have you ever had experiences where you say I wish I could capture this right now if I could bottle this right now if I could bottle the way my kids are getting along right now if I could bottle that feeling of am I feel right now if I could bottle that love I'm feeling with my spouse right now or is they could do no wrong if I could bottle it that's what an aaton means is have that breakthrough when you're experiencing it bring a bottle put it in a bottle put Chas in a bottle put Nila in a bottle put the kids getting along in a bottle bring a bottle and a on is bottle it and take it with you because sometimes you won't have it again but you can open the bottle or you could look inside the bottle or you could just see the bottle and remember that there was once a bottle that this this was there and I'm capable of getting back there again capable getting back there again we see with our children in the summer sometimes children could have a bigger breakthrough in six weeks of the summer than they get in you know 10 months or 9 months School the whole year right um and and and you know what they're going to revert back they know it we know it and that's okay because they also know that it's in there and it can come back again maybe it's not till next summer maybe it's not till some other experience in life and that's the same feeling that we have with ourselves is that when you know it's in there you can long to get back there you can long to revisit it again but the first step is to see it when it's in there and then to try to bottle it so we can see it again all right have a great week everyone