Part 79: Placing Hashem at the Center of our Circle

wov good morning I want to thank our sponsors for the amuna this morning doctors Elan and Juliana rosenblad who are sponsoring for a complete and Speedy ra of their dear friend should have a speedy and painless and full recovery and also want to thank last week's sponsors who I didn't have that information so I apologize but Sarah katuna in honor of the birth of her granddaughter Naomi Miriam B Sara and Sharon schust in honor of the birth of her grandson Gabriel Aron Ben Beva y okay we're learning together a piece now from the and um he's talking about this appears within his section that he's talking about El but I don't like to in this year do anything that's particular to a par or so that people can listen whenever they listen it's not it's always relevant throughout the year and the principles the ideas the themes that we're going to talk about are themes that are relevant of course all the time and so he begins the following it's a p familiar to us we take the Torah out at we recite this says I am I am my I am my prayer please help yourselves to Coffee by the way at the beginning starts and he says for you Hashem this is an auspicious time Hashem using the name of hasem that name Hashem has multiple names you know just like everyone has multiple names I have my kids names so um take my daughter EST her real name is k eser so we call her EST that's her nickname she's never done a bad thing in her life but if she ever did one might say Esther Goldberg how could you do that so we have different names yeah we have different names different names reflect different components different relationships different attitudes and the same is true with represents it's H's compassion so the begins using and then it says so which is it are we identifying with God as y asem are we identifying with him as elim Elohim is mid why because the name Elohim reflects God as a judge strict Justice in fact one of the names we use the exact same term the uses the same term Elohim is a judge a human judge is an Elohim so we call God Elohim we are relating to that component of God which is strict justice as opposed to when we use the name of hm we're relating to that component of hem who identifies with us as so why the shift in the language and then why do we go from says the acronym which if you haven't gotten the memo is in a couple days from now is this shabas is almost impossible to leave believe we are at rashes so the word El which is the name of the month we try to um identify different themes within the month by describing it as an acronym rash so the most popular the most famous among them is from to my beloved my beloved is to me less popular is which is a theme we talk about in pams from the Milla but it also reflects that El's a time not only that I talk about my relationship with but it's also my relationship with fellow men caring about our fellow man connecting with our fellow people experiencing a sense of unity there's a third dimension by the way we live simultaneously in the dimension of we're focused on our relationship between us and God we're focused on a relationship with other people and what's the third relationship in our lives bam between a person and themselves the maral I think I've shared this here before maral talks about the theme of three when you learn and you go through the theme of three You'll Always Find the three corresponds with so when it says the world exists on three things three things remove you from the world three things every time you see the theme of the number three in P which you see all the time the three correspond with now you have to go back and plug it in you take the three things which one is so here we have acronyms for that reflect all three is my relationship with hem I am to my beloved my beloved is to me romantic loving longing yearning also represents interpersonal and then you also have a third one brings down the third one is an acronym it's in the Yiddish the letters are out of order but they are leite Le is a time not to be sad and somber and down and depressed but Le you should be the gatri of is it's off one but in the world of gatria apparently you're allowed to be off one the gatria the Gat of is is a time that you come to life there are people I just uh submitted an article that m is publishing about this that there are people we say this whole period of the year is characterized by the ambition the aspiration for life now what kind of Life are we longing for to have a pulse is that the life that we're longing for others say no is going to determine if we live or die this emphasis on on life is that not just that I have a pulse not just that I'm breathing not just that my heart is beating but that my attitude my mentality my mental health my spiritual health that I'm experiencing being alive there are people who are walking around dead even while they are alive when you're negative when you're hopeless when you're despondent when you're pessimistic when you're bitter when you're resentful when you're angry when you're fatalistic there are people walking around dead even while they are yet alive so we say let me have life a zest for life and the will to live and the joy for life and the ambition of Life Let Me Be Alive While I'm Alive is the one who we say every day we talk about you bring the dead back to life so we're talking about certainly the world to come it's one of the principles of our faith the belief in that will bring the dead back to life but we're also talking about hashem's capacity to bring us back to life even while we're alive we went through a difficult episode we went through a hard time we fell down and depressed we were dead even while we were alive Hashem you are the m Bring Me Back To Life give me the will to live show me there's a reason to wake up and I can put one foot in front of the other give me optimism not not pessimism make me hopeful not hopeless give me joy not a sense of depression invite it's a time people thinking you gotta there's all the stories of the G that they would just hear and they would pass out right they say about they say all about they would just hear the word they would pass out they'd have to be revived okay that's one tradition but there's another tradition it's a beautiful tradition we have the opposite l oh God R Kipper seaing meals brisket chauffeur you know that's the opposite tradition that's wrong that's wrong it's a beautiful tradition that a person feels the the intensity of ell to the point that they pass out but one shouldn't think that El is a time to walk around dead the opposite Le invite Leed you got to be alive you got to be excited you got to be vibrant we experience the whole year you walk walking around dead even while you were alive you were coasting you were sleepwalking through life it's time to come alive it's time to come alive so the corresponds with between me and God between me and man which is the most recent tradition of acronyms for but that's the relationship between me and myself that as we go into as we're going to get ready for it's time to come alive it's to come time to come out of the sleep mode and to bring back to life so it says what does it mean we all know this what does it mean think about these words what does an mean I but it's more than just I Ani is my ego my sense of self my ID it's my identity the is who I am and in that statement an what we're saying is a time where an is I am I nullify my sense of self to Hashem who I am is an individual dedicated and devoted to the service of the almighty of the rebon Shalom the an within me my sense of self my ego my ID an is Li I am to you I say at many weddings that I that I do I just I did a wedding last week I'm doing a wedding next week we should all have so many Sim so I say I don't know where I got this from I'm not sure maybe I made it up I don't even know but I say you know there's the kala walks around the seven times why does walk around seven times different reasons are brought down one cl we walked around uro seven times the walls came crumbling down whatever walls exist between the and whatever walls that exist between the and kala the walls should come crumbling down but I said I don't again I don't remember where I hear heard this or saw this or made this up or thought about it in a dream I have no idea but I say always at these weddings say the kala my dearest kala you just walked around the seven times you drew a circle around the and you placed him at at the center of your life and the now takes a ring it's a circle and he puts it on the finger of the kala and he places the kala at the center of his life you now you have a happy marriage now you have be you know sustained love real authentic love sustained love the deepest most meaningful love is not when you put yourself at the center of your life it's when you draw a circle and you put the other at the center of your life you put their needs ahead of your own and so on and so forth right the very beautiful imagery of the circle and putting the other at the center of the center of the circle that's an Hashem my life is a circle and there's all kinds of points on my circle there's my going to the gym there's my being home there's I like to eat there's I like to sleep there's I learn there's I go to work there's I there's so many points on my circle what's in the middle of my circle where do the spokes of the wheel all go back to is at the center of the circle me my ego my name my honor my appetite my desire My want or the an my life the points on my circle are Li Hashem you're the point you're the center of my circle we talked about this on sh I gave that the beautiful words of the Nai that we marry held the mountain over our head like a and we're married to hasem the most beautiful imagery of of the wedding and that's what we're supposed to feel in El is if Tish we were sitting on the floor feeling estranged from us a broken relationship the opportunities lost the potential unrealized then this is the exact inverse now we're heading into El we come alive it's it's and what's the alive There's No One More Alive than when they're dating when they're courting when they're falling in love when they're getting ready to uh to bring their lives together why there's just they're walking on Cloud9 they're walking on air they just just want to be together all the time and hear from each other all the time and they're just longing and they're just counting down and there's romance and there's vibrancy and there's electricity the truth is there's nothing they barely know each other they think they think they have all of that you don't really have all of that till after you get married but they think they have all of that and they'll learn that they have all of that much later right then was really lost not love love comes afterwards we learned that from says with that he brings R into the tent and then he loves her and the mafor point out what do you mean don't you have to the Western notion is you got to fall in love before you bring her into the tent first you have to have love then comes marriage what do you mean first comes marriage then comes love this isn't the Shay here but uh first comes love first comes marriage then comes love because love is to know one another you don't even begin to know one another love is experiencing life's hardships and challenges Joys and triumphs and through those experiences you feel more connected I'm only sharing all this because I need the theme of at least this our relationship with hem is if I felt aranged on Tish now I'm not aranged I'm madly in love I can't take my mind off of you I'm driving and I got a speeding ticket because I wasn't paying attention because all I was thinking about was you um my mind is wandering I'm in class I have to study for a final and my mind is wandering Because of You Love is I'm supposed to be at work I'm on the treadmill I'm shopping in the supermarket but I need Le do all I could think about is you I'm in love I feel your love I feel your presence I can't wait to talk to you next with daving I can't wait to feel your connection more an my whole sense of ego my sense of self my an is Li I am submitting it I am forfeiting is a negative connotation but I am nullifying it I am I'm giving it I'm devoting it to you so that you want mil and I want Flik for dinner I'm devoted to you we're going to have mil because you're the center of my circle I think that we should go here on vacation you want to go there I think that we should do this you want to do that you're the center of my circle but guess what you're also doing the same thing you're saying let's do FES because you're the center of my circle and when two parties are each saying the other is the center of their Circle you have two happy parties so it's not just it's my sense of an my is I am devoting I am dedicating who I am what I am what my desires is an unbelievable day Yer comes along and it atones for the mistakes we've made so you know what it's like your anniversary you know it's true you had moments of estrangement during the year you neglected one another you made mistakes you had fights you had whatever tension friction conflict but if you do the anniversary right All Is Forgiven you're back in love it's renewed vows and it's a chance to start again sopper is our anniversary with Theon and whatever mistakes shortcomings failures friction tension we had during the year it is a new opportunity but says the bich when is that true says when the date arrives in the calendar it's enough the anniversary with the Nostalgia and the fresh start and its beginning is enough but when says the the he says when you're V is atmo if I come to the anniversary and I say you know what I was selfish this year every time we had a fight it's because I put my ego ahead of you because I put my ego every time we had a fight it's because I G got angry I was impatient I put my needs ahead of yours but you know what I'm I am nullifying my sense of self I'm once again putting the ring on your finger and putting you at the center of the circle of my life again I've reminded myself so the biter says that's what you that's what this period of the year is about so if you do CH it's not enough so in other words if I come to my wife and I say look this incident that incident the other incident I'm sorry and I'm sorry and I'm sorry she says okay I forgive you but you know what you haven't restored the relationship to where it was all you did was ask forgiveness for the particular incident particular incident particular incident but if more than just ask forgiveness for the particular incident you come in the meta you come in the more broad sense and you say I'm not just asking forgiveness for the particular incident I'm saying an my sense of self I'm nullifying to you I'm devoted I'm red devoting and I'm rededicating so the says that's what we do with Reon shom it's not that hasem I once forgot to make a and hasem I once didn't say properly andem I once slept late and I didn't D it on time hasm I once ate something or looked at something or did something so forgive me forgive me I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry we're good you're good we're good we're good we're good does not return a romantic loving intimate relationship forgive me does not bring back the romance what brings back the romance is that recommitment and red Devotion to I want to get back to a place where you are the center of my circle where you are all that I could think of when a couple is falling in love when they're in the courtship when they are first choosing to dedicate their lives to one another they are prepared to put the other ahead of themselves because that that's where they are and that's what we are returning to with Hashem I'm nullifying my it is to you so when we do that hasem is devoted to us he relates to us exactly the way we relate to him so when I say to my wife when a woman says to a man I nullify myself to you you are the center of my circle so if he's a normal decent human being he's not going to say oh that's great so for me I'm the center of my circle and for you I'm the center of your circle that's fantastic right such a person such a person is is a is not a there's problems there's challenges there that needs to be worked out that needs some therapy for himself and for the relationship to have a future hopefully mid mid hopefully there's reciprocity so you say you know you're the center of my circle you're the Center of My Universe your happiness comes even before my own your joy your success nothing gives me Greater Joy your pride you're the center of my circle and hopefully the other person says oh that's so sweet you're the center of my circle and you are all that I care about your happiness your joy your pride hopefully this reciprocity that's the secret to successful marriage and the same is true our relationship with Hashem is a loving longing intimate marriage so Hashem I'm giving you my an you're the center of my circle and you know what Hashem says oh that's so sweet well guess what you're all that matters to me Hashem says I love you I'm devoted to you I want you to be happy he doesn't just then forgive us it's not just that you're off the hook for whatever punishment you were facing but so much more than that when there is that love and that devotion and then turns in So within sometimes there's a particular mistake that we've made and we need to atone we need to correct the particular mistake that you return you say so there's the particular CH and then there's the general chuva I can go to my wife and say I know you're angry at me yesterday I sent that text it wasn't really nice of me it wasn't sensitive I'm sorry I said it that way please forgive me that's one conversation but then there's a broader conversation that says you know I don't know if I've told you how in love I am with you and I haven't really been the husband I want to be and I and I need to be and I'm now devoted to put you at the center of my my circle there's the particular and then there's the broad there's the general and the same is true during this time of the year in our relationship with hasem we're focused on the particular I made a mistake how do I correct it how do I repair it how do I atone to it but I also have the general relationship and we take an assessment this is the time of year one year I spoke about and I even offered though very few took me up on it that we we go once a year we're supposed to for a physical you go for a physical usually around your birthday you go for a physical do some blood work you take some tests the doctor reviews everything and the doctor says okay here's what you got to work on here's what's going well here's where you're the perfect specimen of Health here's where you've your health is in crisis you go for a physical and you learn about yourself so you know what you need to work on the year ahead this is the time of year that we go not for a physical but we go for a spiritual we go for a spiritual and if a physical looks at your cholesterol your blood pressure your sugar level your cardiovascular system whatever there's a checklist that the doctor goes through to view your physical then there's also a check-in for your spiritual we should all undergo a spiritual the physical you don't give to yourself you go to a doctor and the spiritual it's hard to give yourself you don't have to go to the rabbi but someone you love and Trust in your life to undergo a spiritual the spiritual is how's my daving how are Myas how's my how's my how's my what are the contributors to assessing how am I doing spiritually how's myish you know it's brought down that Kel person would walk in find someone else in the street and kill him in the month of el and you'd say manishma how are you and they would understand not manishma but how are how is yourish and the person would answer and you what they were really asking is are you a Ben alyah or a Ben are you on the way up or on your way the way down and the person would answer I'm working on my kavana or my what do you mean can imagine you run to someone in boka supermarket in L hey how are you how am I is getting there I'm working on it but that's in kelm the understood language of the month of el of how are you was not how are you but how is your Nish are you going up or you going down are you a alyah or you Aura so this is that time of year where we're taking a spiritual we are assessing how's my ding how are my bras how's my how how am I how's myish I like to do that I speak to people always and I'll say how you doing they tell me I said that's nice you just told me everything about your goof how's everything well business I'm killing it and I lost 20 lbs and I went on a vacation and I this I said that's nice how's your Nish he came with me how's yourish yeah no often the answer is Nish what's that where where is that what is that right so how's you how's your Nish how's your Nish that's the question we're supposed to ask ourselves this time of year how's my Nish doing I nourish the body what am I doing to nourish the soul I try to keep the body healthy I work out the body what am I doing to work out the soul how's the how is my the says that we are not to emulate we're not to walk in the ways of the Egyptians of the Canaanites Hashem says when you get to that land Don't Walk Like An Egyptian so why is the Torah saying Don't Walk Like an Egyptian why does it just say these are the Don't Eat N koser don't violate chabas don't cheat don't be dishonest why do I have to say on top of that this umbrella generic also Don't Walk Like an Egyptian just tell me what's what's permissible what's forbidden what is being added by saying Don't Walk Like an Egyptian because what the Torah is telling us say the is that not only the things that are forbidden you shouldn't do but the things that are going to detract from your relationship you shouldn't do again come back to the metaphor of our relationships because that's what our relationship with hhm is built on we're in a relationship that is the purpose of this she amuna so what we talk about our little support group every week is that we're in a relationship how are we doing this is group therapy for our marriage to Hashem how is our marriage what's going well what's not what do we need to work on how can we become more selfless how do we nullify our so says the in marriage in relationship in friendship and parenting in every area of life in relationships there are the things that there are the things that are positive contributors to the relationship there are the things that are disasterous for the relationship and there's a middle category they're not technically wrong but you know that it's not good for your relationship it's not good for your relationship right so it's not technically you haven't violated the relationship you haven't violated the other person categorically but it doesn't nurture the relationship that's what is saying the things that they're not going to nurture your relationship with me it's not M it's not User it's not permissible it's not forbidden it's not a Mitzvah it's not it's not forbidden but it's not going to nurture the relationship it doesn't bring you closer to me avoid that too the Egyptian mentality the Egyptian culture was to be in it for themselves everything we do it's from me satisfying my appetite my pleasure my need my want aw the Jew doesn't ask what do I want what's in it for me the Jew asks what does Hashem want me me from me right now and what's in it for God so every choice where should I go on vacation what should I say what should I do how do I react do I take this job do I do this thing the question is always what will give to what is hasm want from me right now not what's for me well what will get me the most likes and follows what will give me the greatest honor what will make me the most money what will give me the great we live in a world that says what will make you the happiest you deserve to be happy so what will make you the happiest who says happiness is a value who says happiness is a value what's his name the New York Times the author wrote a book about character the road to character and then it he said says we don't live for happiness we live for Holiness we don't live for happiness we live for Holiness that's so true who says you live for happiness it's nice to be happy don't get me wrong when you have Holiness that actually makes you happy but we don't live for happiness we live for Holiness so the world we live in says what every decision every action every expenditure everything you're about to do ask yourself will it make me happy you deserve to be happy you deserve happiness will it make you happy who says we live for Happ happiness we don't live for happiness we live for Holiness we don't live for happiness we live for Holiness so the MIT what God was saying is don't be like a MIT Don't Walk Like an Egyptian the Egyptian and you can argue the secular American the secular Westerner says what gives me pleasure what makes me happy will this make me happy the Jew doesn't say will this make me happy the Jew says will this make me holy the Jew says what does Hashem want from me right now will this give to hasem will this make Hashem proud that's the question we ask ourselves and this is the Commandment for the very existence of a meaningful life that the Torah wants our lives to be different than everyone else's don't just avoid that which is prohibited even a Mitzvah you could do a Mitzvah Like An Egyptian or you could do Mitzvah like a Jew what does he mean you could do a Mitzvah Like An Egyptian you could do a Mitzvah like a Jew when I do a Mitzvah I'm daving with a lot of cavana I'm shuckling back and forth I donate a large amount OFA if I'm doing it for my sense of self if I'm doing it for my ego I want to be known as having the longest in the I want my name and lights for giving the most amount OFA I want to have the most amount of followers I want to be admired and revered that I'm doing a Mitzvah Like An Egyptian it's all about me but if I do a Mitzvah because I say my purpose in being here is to serve Hashem to repair his world I am here to fulfill his goal for me I'm here to serve him I'm doing a Mitzvah not for me but for him I do it with humility nobody even needs to know about it so then I'm doing a Mitzvah like a Jew you could do a Mitzvah Like An Egyptian you could do a Mitzvah like a Jew uh how do you bring a person from from his Corner in his life you'll never say this P again when you take out the Torah the same way what are we saying as regarding my regarding my sense of self my prayer is that I can give it to you oh wow what a great shot my sense of an my sense of self my prayer regarding my sense of self is that that I can devote it to you because every day I'm battling there's a piece of me that wants to serve my ego there's a piece of me that wants to serve you there a piece of me that wants to make me happy there a piece of me that wants to make you happy prayer regarding my is that I can devote it and give it and be to you that I have zero sense of self I have no ego intertwined it's all about you it's all about this is not just a Jewish idea there's a book by Jim Collins called good to Great where he studied successful companies and he identified five H marks of a great leader the the five Hallmarks of a great leader not just good how do you go from good to great as a person how do you go from good to great in leadership and level number one of leadership Jim Collins says is when it's not about you it's about the cause the best leader is not about how their name can be the brand how their name is synonymous with the brand or the company but they put the company and the brand ahead of themselves it's success ahead of their own name and ego that's level one leadership not from a religious perspective but even in general so that's exactly what we're saying here is to be no it's about the cause I'm part of the cause I'm part of the mission I'm part of the brand called Torah my name is secondary my ego is not even secondary it's it's nonexistence my prayer is that every choice every Behavior every action that I make so my and goal is that it's all to you Hashem and nothing that is in Conflict nothing that is driven by my sense of ego my sense of me he has not yet answered we'll do this next week he's not yet answered why the shift from toim why did we change which I'll get to now but he's explaining this is a romantic time we're courting we're falling in love with Hashem all over again and just like a couple and hopefully we have the Nostalgia in our own relationships that we can remember that when we were falling in love all we could think about was the other and all we cared about was the other person's happiness and we put them at the center of our Circle that's when we were early on in our courtship and in our relationship that's all we could think about and we were just longing to be together and distracted throughout the day by the thought of that person so that's hasem is the center of our Circle we're falling in love all over again Le and Le we're alive we're vibrant our relationship is a electric again as opposed to it being um on life support sometimes throughout the rest of the year yeah