Part 78: His Plan, Not Yours

okay Booker to good morning it's great to be back to our amuna Shar our weekly amuna support group which is basically what we are um so today though we don't study the par we have a separate share for the paraa but this paraa is Rich with the topic of amuna in fact yesterday in the par sh we spent much of the time developing the theme that's in our paraa which is moshe's communication to the people that their life in the midbar their life in the desert was really defined and characterized by their connection with Hashem he he provid Ed everything for them whether it was the that gave the physical protection the man the food without effort or work the be the water and so on and so forth and now they're going to go into Israel where they're going to exert their own effort take initiative set up a agricultural system and a judicial system and a police force and an Army and the on the one hand it's wonderful to exert effort on the other hand take initiative on the other hand that could lead to a sense of Independence who needs hem I'm in control I'm responsible for my own success and because that's such a fear for Moshe he spends the bulk of our para in different ways but really trying to communicate to the people don't get hoty don't get arrogant don't think that you're independent but always throughout life realize that you depend on Hashem so if you want to listen to a good Amun yesterday's par was really all about amuna but in our par twice and again in next week's para and really many times in are is a specific Mitzvah the mitzvah is only counted once though it's enumerated several times and that is the Mitzvah ofus we spent a lot of time onus the idea of clinging to ashem of feeling hashem's presence in our life and and that happens you know we've discussed this again many many times but you can you can understand Hashem theoretically you could study Hashem philosoph philosophically in the abstract there's a God he created the universe what is the evidence that he exists um and so on and then there's the notion of feeling hashem's presence in our life that he involved in our life so that after the fact when you interpret the things that happen in your life you interpret them through the prism of they they must come from Hashem nothing is random nothing is chance we interpret everything that happens in our life through the prism of there is a Divine choreographer in the sky and he coordinates everything that happens but then there's the third Mitzvah and that's this Mitzvah and that's the notion ofus which is not just theoretically an abstract and it's not just which is putting your trust in hasem in terms of inter ing life's events and experiences but it's a notion that really permeates us 24/7 it's the idea that as we're going through life certainly in the good times but also in the hard times to realize I'm clinging with Hashem I'm sticking with Hashem everything is from him and just when I begin to lose my breath and just when I begin to feel overwhelmed and just when I begin to feel overwhelmed with anxiety I have to practice Deus that's exactly when I have to stick with him stick with him so person's going through a challenge and they don't know what to do healthwise and the doctor says look just stick with me I've given you the regimen I'm an expert I went to school for a th000 years for this I've treated 10,000 patients with this and just stick with me and and just take a deep breath stop Googling at night stop uh overanalyzing and think you can control your destiny just stick with me I'm telling you I know what's best for you I'm doing everything that you need to have done set aside your anxiety and worri and stick with me that's what says mayor simin his interpretation of the Mitzvah of De is glue Hashem says glue stick with me stick with me in hard times and in Good Times no matter what life throws your way when you're ready to feel when you feel abandoned by me or when you feel all alone or when you feel isolated or when you feel hopeless stick with me always stick with me and know that there is a master plan and that is the Mitzvah of I'll just I don't want to give over the whole par again from yesterday today but I'll just tell you that when the when the par says Hashem says if you stick with me then I will heal you I am your doctor I'm the doctor in the sky and two things the H ailment and M the maladies of Egypt what's the difference between and M pass these down and so the uh thei says that MIM are the physical elements but K is RI says and that means that we we live with being at risk and sometimes suffering in two Dimensions we have physical ailments aches and pains and problems and some people have chronic illness and chronic problems there's physical issues that we have to see a physical doctor and take a Physical Medicine there are physical issues but then there's also spiritual SL emotional mental issues that we have and I'm not talking about rising to the level of um clinical where you've been diagnosed that needs treatment it needs medicine and I want to be very clear I'm not talking about that but I'm talking about the lowline level of anx xiety and angst that we live with that's is promising us that if you stick with me if you live with your sh then you're not going to have the physical nor are you going to have the mental emotional spiritual now to people who have amuna have physical problems absolutely to people who have amuna suffer from anxiety absolutely there are illnesses that are diagnosed that are clinical and they need classic treatments 100% and absolutely but it means when it doesn't rise that level and how we how we are able to um survive how we're able to cope with those physical and emotional spiritual mental ailments when we have when we live with a sense of deus when we cling to hasem it empowers us it gives us the will it gives us the the energy it gives us the ability I should have brought I read an article that I set aside earlier this summer for this group about this extraordinary man in Israel a breast of breast l r who suffered Terror but he had unbelievable amuna he passed away in some of the quotes would have been perfect for this but I'll mention it in the in the future weeks but it empowers us it gives us the strength and the support to not be hopeless and to be able to realize that as much pain as we're enduring in this world but this world is not the end all and be all there are people that we've lost who will be reunited with and there are elements that we're suffering that there'll be meaning and purpose to that suffering and that there are um that there's hope and that there's a light at the end of our tunnel when we live with that sense of when we cling to Hashem it empowers and it gives us the strength to overcome that and that Holy whatever it is that we're facing whatever it is that we are encountering it's the one form of awe or fear which is not debilitating but is liberating every other anxiety is debilitating anxiety is debilitating you can't sleep at night your blood pressure goes up your cholesterol goes up your cardiovascular system fails you're you end up with physical diseases you can't sleep at night you end up with insomnia because you can't shut down your brain from all its worries and fears you're overwhelmed by all the things you have to do will they get done you're overwhelmed by what you can't control you're overwhelmed by what will be you can't sleep you can't it destroys compromises relationships because the stress and strain that are placed on relationship by walking around as a nervous colaria all day you driving the people around you crazy and the answer the an so fear in general is horrible fear is paralyzing it's debilitating if you have a fear of heights and fear of darkness and fear of going out is debilitating but when you live when you live with a sense ofus it's liberating because now you real realize I wrote down all the things I have to do they'll get done and if they don't get done they won't get done and everything will be okay because everything is orchestrated and designed from above so let's go through this a piece in the about it happens to be in our because our para mentions the Mitzvah of but it's reinforcing ideas we've studied previously and new ideas we'll see as well so the says says that Hashem we should have a of and serve him glue stick with him like glue and then you can swear in his name and again at the end of the says to love to walk in all of his ways to cling to him this is to walk in all his ways why we know the greatest form of flattery is imitation imitation is the greatest form of FL if you want to flatter Hashem imitate him how do you imitate Hashem you can't split the sea you can't make frogs you can't how do you imitate Hashem he imitate Hashem because Hashem has given us him he's handed over to us a list of his core character traits who he is and what drives him so whether it's these that we're supposed to emulate we'll start reading them very soon soon it will be as in next week and uh theum our brothers down the hall will start saying daily and we will shortly after that start saying as well and in it we invoke says that when we we learned this when the Jewish people failed when we sinned when we made a horrible egregious mistake miscalculation hasm was ready to destroy us I can't take this people they're encourageable they're terrible so they're hopeless Moshe intervenes and intercedes on our behalf and he wins favor Shem says okay fine and he teaches mosha how to sayos the 13 attributes the Divine attributes you want who Hashem is if you had to speak under's if you had to speak at's Mitzvah and say nice things about him then what you'd say is he's he he these aren't just redundant synonyms each one touches another aspect of who Hashem is different forms of Mercy different forms of kindness they are the core attributes of who Hashem is and Hashem handed over that formula to Moshe and most people mistakenly think Hashem handed us that formula and said listen when you mess up these are the magic words yeah you know it's like in marriage it's like a wife says to the husband get married look if you mess up and I'm angry at you if you just tell me that I'm this that and the other thing I can't help but forgive you so I don't think that would work in marriage the husband really messes up it's not really a very it's a very shallow relationship of all he has to say to her is did I mention that you look beautiful today and how smart and charming and accomplished you are and you're the best cook and you're the best mother and you're the best and she says fine you know okay I forgive you so that that doesn't say much about her it doesn't say much about the relationship and the same is true with hasem if all we do is recite this formula have I mentioned that you're and said have I told you Hashem how Mighty and great and handsome you are oh sh's fine I forgive you like that's ridiculous that's not who hasem is and what is that about a relationship so the Mah in his commentary on that the Mah says notice it doesn't say im it doesn't say doesn't say recite before me this formula of 13 attributes what does say hasem gave us that formula not for us to repeat it as a empty text as an empty liturgy or formula Hashem gave us the formula because what he's saying is look you claim to love me you want to know how to win favor in me when I'm annoyed at you and I'm upset at you and I'm disappointed in you here's what matters to me show me it matters to you here's what I Define my existence by have it be what shapes Your Existence and if it's shapes Your Existence if you imitate me if what matters to me matters to you I don't know I I have perfect children so I'm talking about someone else's children but sometimes I hear with other people's children that they cannot be responsive to what you want whether it's certain religious values whether it's certain der values so it's possible I've had to on occasion say to some of my children you know you want me to care about what matters to you when you need a ride to the mall when you need help with your homework when you want to buy such and such and I have to pay for it you want me to to care about what matters to you why don't you care about what matters to me by the way what matters to you I could care less about but I do it because I care about you so if it matters to you I do it because it matters to you even though frankly I could care less about it I don't need you to have that thing and I don't need you to go to that place and I don't but it makes you happy it means something to you so it means something to me so what about the inverse when something means something to me why do you dismiss it and why do you act like you don't care about it how come you're not responsive to it here's how a relationship works even though something doesn't do matter to me if it matters to you I want to do it and therefore I'm asking you that even if something doesn't matter to you if I'm asking because it matters to me please do it about the way you dress or the way you speak or the way you live or what time you woke up or how you speak to others or what your grades are or whatever it is in again I'm talking about my neighbor's kids so not my so who says here's what matters to me show me it matters to you and what you want will matter to me but if I want doesn't matter to you why should what you want matter to me so you're going to dve in and say Hashem give me parasa and children give me a nice house and a nice car give me this give me this give me this hasem says why should what you want matter to me what I want doesn't matter to you what I'm trying to express and really was the theme of this Amun and every single sheer that we give is that and this is so unfortunately not emphasized whether it's in formal Jewish Education or whether it's the informal continued Jewish Education as adults the rest of our lives we fail to emphasize enough that at the core we are in a relationship with Theon and it parallels the relationship we have in marriage and with our children and with our employer and with our friends in fact in cabala it explains hasem created a world what did Hashem do his St about he looked in the Torah then he created a world what does that mean it means L we think Hashem created this world and then he said oh huh I made a world with food and appetite better come up with some rules for that here's the of Casas huh I came up with two genders man and woman and there's some romantic interest and drive huh I better come up with some rules for that here's tus Mish no it's the opposite Hashem says I want them to be disciplined I know I'll invent something called Food they'll be really tempted by it and they'll have to be disciplined in it I want them to understand romance because I want them to relate to me with love and romance and intimacy I know I'll create something called men and women and give them a taste of what that is in the physical level so they explain he looked in the Torah and created the world means it's not in the order we think he didn't create a world than then he gave us the guide and how to live it first he said what are the values what am I trying to transmit and now how can I create a world which will elicit those values so therefore it's explained in cabala now that I'm an old man with a gray beard I can quote cabala so it's explained in cabala that in fact every relationship we have is a metaphor for a component of a relationship we have with hem every relationship we have in this world is a metaphor for the relationship we have with hem that doesn't mean that the relationships are not themselves genuine and authentic too your parents are your parents and you should love them and we who are blessed and all who want should be blessed to have children understand what it means to be parents to be children and parents those are authentic they're genuine they're real beautiful be enriched by them but know that they're there so that we could relate to Hashem that we are his children and we understand what it means that he's our father without that Paradigm we wouldn't understand that component of that relationship of what it means to be a parent who will do anything unconditionally for child and what it means to be a child who gets the greatest Happiness by giving satisfaction Nas to a parent there are few greater Joys few greater Joys than giving Nas no matter what your age is no matter how old you are there are few greater Joys still then giving Nas to a parent and those and the same is true romantically with a husband and wife the same is true with friendship Hashem has described as our Rea as our friend right that's he's our he's our Shepherd he's our friend so every he's also Adon he's our boss we go to work for him he's also our master we're his slave every human relationship is a metaphor is an allegory for the relationship that we have with Hashem and that's what I'm trying to get across that's what I'm trying to work on in my own life is that we are in a relationship relationships take nurturing how many people they don't feel their own relation hasm is this abstract thing I once read about him in a book I once studied him in a philosophy class I once heard about him in a sheer he's this abstract thing and this abstract amorphous theoretical thing I have this checklist of things that to be a good boy or a good girl or because there are social pressures I check off I went to sh I keep this thing called chabas i l the candles I did the Y I did the check check check check check but on a daily basis there's no relationship there's no relation ship who wants from us and the reason he created us and the greatest happiness we can have in life I was going to learn a different piece with you today which we're not doing it's a it's a focuses on in who says that the purpose of life is Alem I love those words every time I come across them into hm I pause and I meditate on those words because they I think are incredibly powerful the word on means pleasure on shabus are you going to the shabus is pleasure it's the Mitzvah of pleasure first of all it's interesting it's h so it's reflexive it's something you do to yourself but basically the based on this pum says you want to know why created God created a world you want to know why you're here it's very simple to get high on God not on drugs not on alcohol not on shopping not on clothing you know how you get high the most authentic the most lasting the most transformative the the greatest high is to get high on hasem there is no greater pleasure than being in a relationship with Hashem if you think that you get joy when you give Nas to your parent which is part of the human psyche it's just how God designed us that we get NAS from that which is superior to us AR Kaplan writes about this in his books we are designed the human psyche is designed that we get joy I think we're going to get hopefully we'll get past the first sentence we're going to come back in a second but we are designed to get joy from giving to someone Superior so to say to us so if your boss at work gives you positive feedback there is a lot of studies that show this depends on a personality type but there are many people who prefer that than even getting a a financial bonus and if your spouse whose opinion you care about and your parents however you define people you look up to give you approval then that that that triggers something in us which brings it's like an endorphin release which is an incredible incredible pleasure Center within the brain and within the heart it's something that we feel it's how we were designed it's a absolute truth of the human psyche so if that's true when our boss says the kind thing or when our spouse says the kind thing or when our parents says the kind thing then all the more who's the mocker who's the source of everything Who's the who is the master of the universe who's the creator of everything when we know we're giving him that's why ends the last chapter the almost last sentence ends that you know why we're here give to now we think that we're so fancy philosophers that can't have he's he's is infinite and omnipotent and ontological and axiological we quot these fancy words doesn't have he's not a human being hasem doesn't have anything he doesn't get angry he doesn't take revenge he doesn't feel love he doesn't feel he's not human but we are given all these words anthropomorphisms because we relate to Hashem through our own experience so that's why we're told that so we are to live life and our mission is to give you want to look at that thing you didn't look at it you've just given usually you walk out of the bathroom you pause to say and your mind was there when you said it you gave someone was in pain and you paused and stopped and gave them that dollar gave them part of your meal invited them made that phone call stopped and visited them you gave Hashem that's our mission to give not because Hashem needs it but because that trigger a pleasure Center in our brain to know I given to the ultimate source to the source of everything we are in a relationship and the core of a relationship is communication which what daving is the r said that daving is our talking to God and learning Torah is God talking to us Communication in two directions the core of a relationship is communication and you got to you have to communicate you got to communicate even when you don't feel like it you have to you have to communicate not each gender is motivated to communicate at the same level but if you're committed to the relationship you want the other person to feel that you've communicated I saw somebody posted a picture they didn't repost a picture they saw this with their own eyes so I assume it's real it was the sign on the outside of the men's and women's bathroom on one door it just said the word blah and the other door it said blah blah blah blah blah blah from the top to the bottom of the whole door and that's I'm not it's not my comment I was deeply offended by it no so blah and the other door was covered blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and that's described which bathroom was which gender so even when you don't feel like communicating but communication is part of a relationship and it needs it's it's what nurtures the it's what nourishes the relationship you got to communicate but you know what's another big part of a relationship I do a fair amount of counseling when I counsel people I don't know that in 20 years anyone's come and said we have a great marriage we're just curious if you have any other marriage tips to make our marriage even greater when I counsel couples it's because the marriage is in crisis and often when the marriage is in crisis there has been an absolute um bankruptcy in the bank account of trust something is broken in trust whether it's a financial breach of trust whether it's other other forms of infidelity or breach of trust but there's been a breakdown of trust a relationship needs trust and trust is like a bank account you make deposits you make withdrawals you can put in a deficit or you can have a surplus but there's deposits and withdrawals constantly from the bank of pound of trust in in relationship relationships need trust so if if we are in a relationship with Hashem he is our spouse with whom we experience romance and intimacy and longing and love he's also our parent and he's our boss he's all these components which Express in different moments and in different times and at different experiences and with different feelings but those relationships need communication we have to talk we have to open up we have to experience conversation we have to go through his bodus we have to talk we have to make the space to be able to have a conversation with him not just the words of the sit a real conversation but they also have to do with trust you know when is a breakdown even in the best of marriage when one spouse says to the other I think we should do it this way and the other one says it's just so paranoid no it's not going to work out that way and then the first spouse says like don't you trust me don't you trust me I'm telling you like I got this I know what I'm doing we've done this before don't you trust me and if the answer is no I don't well where's the relationship so K is sitting there and he's saying don't you trust me I know it doesn't feel like it right now you're going through hard times or challenging or something's been thrown your way that's throwing you of course it could be minor and inconsequential and insignificant or it could be major and life-altering but either way Hashem is sitting back as our spouse and he says don't you trust me because if you don't trust me there's going to be a strain on our relationship you can't say you believe in me you can't say you love me you can't say you know I'm here you can't say you're part of a covenant a contract a real relationship and you don't trust me don't you trust me that's the Mitzvah that's which literally means trust don't you trust me I'm here don't you trust me in a relationship a relationship needs nourishing nurturing it needs communication conversation and it needs trust and that's the vus that whatever is happening at that moment trust I'm going to give you a minor story and I always do these illustrations not because I'm telling you I I I the reason I do this class is because I need to work on it and I'm always working on it and it's made me a better person because I can't be a hypocrite who teaches about this and then doesn't live it so last week I'm in New York with Y we were supposed to go for 24 hours we had to do something and uh and we're on Central Avenue at the sidewalk sale and uh that's why jebl cost me a lot of money and I get this email from jebl that the flight is canceled oh there she is I get an email from jeppu the flight is canceled it's 12:00 and the flight is 6:30 so I called jeo right away so like what do you mean the flight's canceled I got meetings tonight I got meetings one morning tomorrow I got to get back we have children being watched for another child like what do you mean that wasn't my plan that's not that's not hour plan so I called je blue and they say uh yeah the airport m is canceled because of weather I said I'm I'm 5 minutes from the airport and I'm getting a sunburn right now it it's it's beautiful outside what are you talking about no there's going to be lightning storms blah blah blah blah blah anyone else canceling their flight I don't know any other Jet Blue flight I don't know so my blood pressure is going up anxiety level is growing up I have this I got to rearrange my whole schedule what's going to be with the kids we have to get back this this wasn't the plan what do you mean this this wasn't the plan and then like it just clicked I said you know what you're not in charge of the plan this is just circumstances and all this talk about this is the most negligible example people are going through real challenges I'm not trying to frame this like it's the biggest thing but I want to explain to you how all other anxiety is debilitating and if you redirect into a sense of fear or of hem all year all fear all anxiety is debilitating with the exception of one fear and awe of Hashem is liberating because you know what happens that moment where we we met on the sidewalk sell we were not in the same stores on the sidewalk sale so we had to get a meeting place and said okay jeu canceled the flight the only choice is to go back tomorrow morning we got to make sure T watch the little kids and Linda rearrange the schedule and this has to be this and this and you know what we just did a paradigm shift from what's the matter with Jeff L what's the matter with jeffk airport and the weather's beautiful how this happen I can't believe what's going to be to This was meant to beus all right I'm sticking with Hashem it's not my plan it's his plan he's got a plan let's go with his plan over our plan there's a reason for his plan again it's a meaning and once we did that okay so we got an extra how do you want to fill our new night here how should we use our more time here and it just and that's true in this silly stupid insignificant example but it's true in much more significant ones you could lean into the moment and say this is hashem's plan how can I make the most of it and extract a positive experience from it it's liberating or you can let it overwhelm you and then ruin the rest of the time that you're now going to be stuck in that in that place the choice is ours there are things that happen to us there are people who interact with us there are natural events that change the plan for us every day we can't change people we can't change nature we can't change those circumstances the only thing we can change is how we react to it that's the only thing in our hands that's the only thing that we're empowered by do we let it put a strain on us and our relationships do we let it compromise our dignity and integrity in who we are do we let it throw us for a loop and give us um blood pressure and insomnia problems or do we say you know what we'll get it done it'll happen I can't change it I'll adapt I'll adopt it is what it is we're going to figure it out I'm not going to let it Rob me of my serenity my tranquility and my happiness that's what Hashem is saying are you in a relationship with me or not do you trust me or not I canceled your flight for a reason we do this with our children right if our children something happens and and you know you redo something why' you change that why' you do you trust me I I did that because I'm you know why' you change my phone PL why' you change my do you trust me I did it for a reason I'm doing it for your own good do you trust me says yeah I changed your plans I know it's inconvenient feels inconvenient but do you trust me there's a reason do you trust me and that's this Mitzvah of the mitzah ofus is to lean in to the curve balls life throws your way to interpret everything that's happening through this prism of there's a reason trust me just trust me maybe in your lifetime you'll learn why it happened that way and maybe you won't and maybe it will have a happy ending to the story and this individual who I referenced but I'll really tell you his story next week or in a few weeks he died of cancer this breast had this incredible Luna it's not a happy ending to a story I'll tell you a little secret we are all going to die someday it does you know you're all we're all going to so you can't escape it no but we can with the time that we have here we shape and mold what the quality of that time is with whatever those circumstances are around us the people circumstances the natural events or was beautiful weather so the non-natural events but whatever the circumstances we can only control that component of us that's this Mitzvah that we've really just read the opening sentence and that's it um let's read two more sentences that's why I got into this because I was talking about imitating hasem the greatest form of flattery is imitation Hashem says not only trust me but I want what's important to me to be important to you and then I'll make what's important to you important to me and what's important to Hashem the kind of people we are those good interprets how do you fulfill this Mitzvah of clinging of sticking to stick with so meaning if you have people who excel in their am their draw close to those people surround yourself with those people listen to the classes online of those people read the articles of those people if there are people that could bring out the best of you be close cling to those people and through those people you'll cling to hasem that is an interpretation of the but that's not the simple meaning of the you know that that's another layer of interpretation find people who are close to hasem and cling to them that's how you'll get close to Hashem but that's not the simple understanding simple understanding is that each one of us can do it ourselves the T there's no extraneous word this it's it's repeated and formulated countless really not it's not countless because you can count it but many times in the Torah so why is it repeated so many times in the Torah I got it why is it repeated so many times and why is it repeated in conjunction with so two mitah that are repeated are to be sacred to be holy to be kados andus and what do those two things have in common that they are the two that are repeated so often these are the questions of the SL rebi and he basically says the following and tries to Define whatas is he says we can understand that based on the where it says the following says says the following story chabas tells the famous story there was a non-jew who came to convert and he came to Hill and he said teach me the whole Torah on one foot standing on one foot teach me the whole Torah and what did he'll tell him what did Hill answer you want to learn everything on one foot A to Z on one foot here it is you could reduce you can consolidate the entire Torah down to this one statement you know what it is that which you hate which you wouldn't want done to you don't do to your friend the rest is commentary so because of shti interpretation of this gar the statement of Hill is not what you wouldn't want done unto you don't do onto your friend as in your peer physically but what you wouldn't want done to you don't to who's your greatest friend who's your ultimate friend my greatest friend is Theon shalom it's you want to know know what the core The Motto the bumper sticker you want to reduce the Torah to one statement every action which is going to hurt and put a strain on your relationship with Hashem don't do that's what hill was saying and the rest is commentary so every moment that you have to make a decision in your attitude in your action in your behavior ask yourself will this promote and strengthen my relationship with hem will this hurt and put a strain on my relationship with Hashem which by the way again coming back to what we're saying before it's true in every relation our relationship with hhm is no different than our other relationships you know when you have the best marriage when you say to yourself I know I'm thinking I'm feeling this right now but if I say it to my spouse this way will that make them feel closer to me more in love with me or that put some distance between us I know right now I want to react to my child this way but if I react in that way and if I just let it out bluntly will that make my child a better person will they hear me will they listen to me will be closer or will it drive them further away right so it's true in every relationship to be thoughtful in everything that we say to not necessarily say it the way we want to craft it more strategically and to not say everything we're thinking there's no mits for that every thought you have do you have to say this a famous comment not everything you think you have to say not everything you have to say you have to write not everything you write you have to publish that was said many many years ago and today you would add the addition to it not everything you not everything you think you say do you have to post or email or or text right not every thought the universe is waiting for you to actually share some of them can stay inside let them disappear as quickly as they came you're not going to change the world with it so it's true in every relationship is this is this a good thought or a bad thought how will this how will this communication result and people feeling closer or further apart in in promoting this relationship or in driving a wedge in it and the same is true in our relationship with Hashem and that's the is saying is theat in that H was saying means ask yourself will this put a strain on the relationship and the rest is commentary what's the commentary every positive mitvah is an opportunity to cling to and every negative commandment is saying I'm going to stay away from the impediments that are going to hurt my relationship and therefore don't do it and that's theod of the whole Torah and that's what he says we we're really out of time but in the rest of this piece which you have and you can study in your own time we barely scratched the surface of it it's a very beautiful piece but what he says isus is using mitzvos in a mindful way so throws opportunities every day from how you tie your shoes in the morning to make the on the coffee that you drink did you say what did you watch on the TV what was your first text how did you respond to that person's EMA their Mitzvah every day did you say shakas did you their Mitzvah every day 613 positive mitzvos if we do them and not just do them with empty action but we do them with thoughtfulness mindfulness and a sense of presence we're connecting to Hashem through them I went to the bathroom I had to go to the bathroom because afterwards my reminded me about what a gift the blessings hem has given me I got the DAV I said the I didn't just fly through and I don't even remember if I said them today yesterday the last month the last year the last lifetime but every day I remember each thank you I have shoes I could walk thank you I can see thank you I have clothing I can wear each I'm clinging to it's a love note to Hashem each Mitzvah is an opportunity and an invitation to connect with hem that's whatas is doing the mitzvos with mindfulness with Consciousness with the goal of clinging of connecting to Hashem so when my kid texts me could you put more money on my debit card I say oh it's an opportunity and an invitation to a relationship with my daughter I call her how are you how's K what's going on why do you need more money on thing that bid for connection feels like a feels like a commandment but really it's an invitation for a relationship so says I'm sending you invitations all day here are the positive ones when you do them with mindfulness and you do them with the intention of feeling closer to me you're clinging to me we're better and more connected and here are the negative ones here are the impediments and when you avoid them no you're avoiding putting a barrier or driving a wedge into our relationship and those are the negative negative Commandments soas is really all about the mindset that we bring to the Mitzvah opportunities we already have you don't have to take on something new and you don't have to do something extraordinary it's do the Mitzvah you're already doing but do them with mindfulness do them with the goal of being in a relationship a relationship needs communication a relationship needs trust a relationship waxes and waines their feelings of closeness and more distance it's fluid the relationship it changes all the time be in that relationship and feel hashem's presence in our lives each and every day have a great day thank you