Part 61: Get to the Other Side by Holding On To Those Who Came Before

good morning ladies Welcome to our weekly amuna sheer this morning's Shear is sponsored by Alina Beni and Joseph benian known affectionately as JB in commemoration of the earth sight of her beloved husband his beloved father David Ben SMI all ofal should have an Aliyah through the Torah that we will learn if you have not yet taken on a week to sponsor please do so you can contact Linda in the office and it goes in the uh in the email and obviously on the recording and the learning is uh in honor and memory of that person so please if you've not yet sponsored please take a week to sponsor also before we uh delve back into Shalom two uh announcements two reminders number one is that this Sunday the annual amazing Women's Health and halaka day and lunch will be taking place uh this year's schedule is even better than ever grateful to Shir mener is one of the co-chairs with d Sak Lando you have flyers in front of you it has a schedule you see that there are 12 classes uh something for everyone on every topic is an opening breakfast a great lunch in honoring Three Special People afterwards um again space is filling up you don't want to miss out it's going to be an amazing amazing day if you've not yet registered please do so and lastly our seminar with Dr John gotman on exploring relationships how to make relationships work uh John gotman is the Undisputed uh recognized Authority on marriage around the world he is recognized quoted admired just Google his name you'll see everything about him it's incredible that we are actually able to host him personally it's on Sunday January 28th and to tell you how amazing it is by the end of November 300 people have already signed up and paid which means that if you want a seat you better do it soon because we're going to run out of room it's an absolutely incredible opportunity and really unusual opportunity so please take these flyers register for both before you get closed out shom we are on page called we are on the middle of the chapter aboutus and again we've been divining I've been mentioning this every week I've been mentioning this every week that amuna is amuna is the philosophical theoretical knowledge that there is a God a creator of the universe that we don't exist randomly that we didn't come into being out of nowhere We Believe fundamentally that there's a Creator there's a first cause is that that first cause that Creator didn't build the world and move on but he continues to relate to me and therefore all that happens in my life I should understand didn't happen randomly but happened for a reason and lastly deasus is the knowledge that I need to cling to him I need to attach myself to him I have to stick with him I have to realize that whatever I'm longing for whatever I'm hoping for whatever I need whatever I received whatever I'm grateful for it's all from him so you know the worst thing you can do in a relationship is to neglect or to make the other party who's done something for you feel invisible it's the worst thing when you do something for someone you put yourself out there for someone else and they don't acknowledge it they don't ever say thank you they don't ever acknowledge it and they make you feel invisible it's very painful it's cruel it's cruel of the other person so here we are living Our Lives you got out of bed this morning your eyes and your ears and your mouth and your legs work you have a roof over your head and a car to drive and food to put in your mouth and you have a heartbeat in your chest and breath in your nostrils and if you don't say thank you hashm that's unbelievable and today by the way of all days at 1 p.m today there'll be a historic announcement I'm I'm not like an Insider it's not like you know I'm not telling anything that was shared privately with me but one is almost I was almost tempted this morning to say Hal is it is it is a historic day how how long did our people yearn to uh be validating I mean on the one hand it's a historic day on the other hand it's a ridiculous day there's nothing historic about telling you your mother's your mother like there's nothing you need someone else to validate you that this is your mother your mother's your mother but on the other hand when the whole world says that that's not really your mother she's my mother so someone says you know what she's your mother I acknowledge that that's unbelievable it's a phenomenal phenomenal day we should all have tremendous and we should D from the from the depths of our heart that there should not be harsh consequences alth I spoke to my daughter in Israel ear this morning she told me it was cold and raining and what terrorists would want to go out in the rain you know they they they both they blow themselves up on a nice day who wants to go out it's already raining outside that was her I I told her she should still be careful despite that despite that brilliant an analysis of the situation she should be careful nonetheless so it's a historic day but we have to realize that when an incredible thing happens when a historic moment happens there's sarov to the human being to the dignitary to the Diplomat who who made it happen but we can't forget the attaching ourselves to the Creator who has brought the day right who took after 2,000 years of Exile brought us back to our homeland and then in our homeland have had 70 years where we've been denied that yush is our capital and now please God please God everything should go through and go smoothly we have to realize where it comes from I mentioned this morning on the amuna WhatsApp group but I'll I'll I'll share it live in person as well that in our par at the very end of the par the par ends when Yos tells the Sim he tells the the um wine Bearer um listen when you get out don't forget the little guys don't forget me right you were you were so um unhappy you had such depression you had such Melancholy I noticed how sad you were and I asked you how you were doing and because of that I interpreted your dream and that's how you're out of here when you get out don't forget me so K note that y doesn't say once remember me ysf says twice remember me don't forget me remember me and kazal say based on this yose spent another two years in jail why because he put his faith in man the sash he said says to the Sim when you get out I need you there's no way I'm going to get out without you so remember me he pleads with him andal see it as excessive he pleads with him don't forget me remember me twice and because of that he spent two years now that's the threshold that's a bar that we're not measured by because we could never live up to that but Y is the one who we spoke in the par class yesterday that y hashem's name is dripping from his lips Y in every conversation with in next week's para with he's always talking about hem and the says that hasem was with Y why because when you talk about hem is when you invite Hashem into the room hashem's in the room and things are much better when Hashem is in the room he's closer he's supervising he's interceding so he's interfering on your behalf so the says is directly the success directly correlates with talking about hasem so says we should emulate yose if he could do a weekend please God with in God's will however you want whatever language you want to say it in but we talk about but we talk about Hashem so ysf is this great one who talks about hem and here he fails because he says to the don't forget I need you twice so he spends two years soich said what if yose had only asked him once what would have happened if IID asked you and you didn't read whatsa group chat yet if I said to you what would y had only asked please remember when when you get out what would have been the punishment what would you say one you would have said one year if for asking twice he got two years for asking once he'd get one year saidis wrong you know how many years he'd get no years why because there's nothing wrong withas you have to ask once because you have to show your effort you have an opportunity you have a a opening you have to take it you have to walk through it but on the other hand you can't do it excessively this is what we've talked about every week is the balance or can't become a crutch it can't become an excuse to living a passive life where you show no initiative where you sit on the couch and think someone's going to drop off a bag of cash at your front door where you get sick and you sit on the couch and you think miraculously you're going to get better hash wants us to go to the doctor and he wants us to go to work and he wants us to take initiative however on the other hand too much initiative you've denied hashem's role so if you take too much initiative you make it as if Hashem can't I always give this example when it comes to the lottery when there's a Mega Mill I don't know why as if like 50 million would be enough but when the Mega Millions goes up to 300 400 half a billion dollars I always buy a ticket how many tickets should you buy so on the one hand can you win the lottery without buying a ticket no so you need to take an initiative as is famously said you got to be in it to win to win it so you got to buy a ticket if you're going to win however it's AER to buy more than one ticket why because statistically every time I buy that ticket which is very infrequently you're online and you watch people in front of you who don't have enough money to pay for the Gest outside and they're spending every penny on give me 25 tickets and you want to grab them and tell them like just Google this and you'll realize that you have not improved your chances statistically right the person thinks well if I if one ticket and I buy two tickets I've doubled my chance of winning no you still have a 00 whatever chance of winning you haven't doubled your chance so it's to buy two tickets is User it's not more initiative because you have no more chance of winning statistically so you you buy one ticket because you can't win without buying one but buying two shows that you don't think Hashem could help you win with just the one ticket with just the one winning numbers last week I came late with my son toam so when you come late if you come on time you get two tickets for the raffle if you come late you get one ticket so when I got the one ticket at first the piece in me was like it's true I'm late but like I'm the rabbi like you have no idea why I was late and what I was doing and and that I created this program and then I would have like my son you're not going to give two tickets and then I stopped myself and I realized two things number one ad that's arrogance just with humility you're no different than anyone else you came late you get one ticket but then I also thought exactly this which is what May Shai can't win with one ticket if Hashem wants him to win the raffle he's going to win with the numbers on one ticket no he absolutely lost and he wants to know why we never win but the point is the point is it's nice to know these ideas of am and Theory I give you these examples not to try to make it like I'm some sadic I first of all I only tell you the stories where I did the right thing I don't tell you the stories where I blew it but I'm telling you these stories because I'm trying to show that The Challenge my challenge our challenge is in real time is in real life so you could be sitting there stewing and now distracted from the quality learning time with your son that you barely carve out every week because you're busy stewing about should I fire this guy should I should I have a conversation with him how am I going to tell him that like you didn't have a lot of intelligence not giv but the second you say you know what it's Hashem can make him win with one ticket and humble I'm no different than anyone else and who cares and get back to the learning you have so little time enjoy the time so your life gets better with amuna andus your life is only is only something which is better so yose if he wouldn't have asked theim he never would have gotten out of jail because you got to show initiative you can't wait rely on a miracle in but by asking twice it was it was excessive initiative you can't have excessive initiative because that shows a failure and the lack of Jacob by the way anyone know what day of the year it was that Yosef got out of prison what tell the Jewish calendar it was it was rashash Shana rashash Shana New Beginnings how did Yosef get that new beginning he had a fresh start in A New Beginning he got a new lease on life he got out of prison got to start again and you talk about a new lease on life he didn't go into like the witness protection program and hiding he became the vice Roy of Egypt he became the vice president of the ball of Egypt one of if not the most powerful men Secretary of of the economy so how did that happen how did it happen so commentary is point out you know how it happened ysf sitting in prison and think about yosef's life for a moment he has been um he's been attempted murder by his brothers turned into a sale kidnapped and sold sent to a foreign land he's an immigrant in a foreign country where Jews are are not loved he works in a home where he brings great Prosperity but then he has the challenge of of being seduced by a powerful woman who falsely accuses him I mentioned yesterday in the par class this week is the inverse of last week last week's paraa is a vulnerable woman Dina who was exploited by a powerful man and the challenge is will we step up for her will we make a difference this week you have an innocent man who a woman uses her sexuality to try to um to try to seduce him and to try to exploit him he overcomes it she falsely accuses him and he suffers the consequences it's the inverse last week the woman is the victim and the community's responsibil is to stand up for her and this week the man is the victim and we have to forget that we also have a responsibility to protect such victims as well those who are the victims of women exploiting their power and victims of people making false accusations so Yosef lands in prison and he's struggling and he's suffering and he's I don't know he asked me I'd give up hope I'd wallow in the corner by myself I'd moan and i' groan and I'd feel bad for myself because here I am alienated from my brothers from my father with whom I was so close show our souls intertwined trying to make a life for myself succeeding and then having a failed literally going back to a pit just like I was in the pit before and I'd wallow but yoseph doesn't do that you know what he does he sees the sarim and the Sim he sees two guys and they're pretty depressed and he says hey brothers what's going on why you so down and that question changed his life by not wallowing in the corner by himself by not focusing on his own problems but asking how he can help relieve the problem of others he finds Freedom he finds Liberty because asking them makes them share the dreams he interprets the dreams they get out they remember him or S Mas remembers him and that's how he gets out so the the say that yose gains a new lease on life his rashash his new beginning and our new beginning comes not when we wallow in the corner wo was me for my problems but despite my problems I say I want to help you with your problems why the long face why are you so sad what's going on how can I help you what's what's doing and when Yosef does that he gets to the new the new lease on life so that's y was supposed to ask theim remember me on your way out he was not supposed to ask twice on a day like today this major historical day we have tremendous aov president the cabinet and the advisers and all those who who came to this very uncomfortable and we don't yet know how uncomfortable decision um but on the other hand we also have to give a car we give a car on the human realm we have to give a car upstairs with that sense of that sense of as well okay we left off on page the bottom left corner again we're still defining the Mitzvah of how do you cling to how do you stick with him is a great example despite every one of these really hard situations he says I'm sticking with you God I'm interpreting everything that's happening as for a reason so the r codifies and says [Music] right we referenced this several weeks ago where we talked about the ra just quing the can you really cling to God he's an he's a fire that consumes how can you connect to the source it's too powerful so we connect through his agents we connect through his emissaries his ambassadors when we attach ourselves to those who represent hasem then we through osmosis it becomes contagious we are elevated enriched through that experience so he says attach yourself to spend time with them consult with them sit with them you should be fighting over who can host our different Scholars and residents and and rabam and rash Yesa and and Reit last weekend men women people of Greater we should be fighting I want to have him because you know the you know you learn more from the casual conversation with great people than you do even from their classes you could learn their safer you could listen to the Torah but the casual conversation observing them in a casual moment you learn even more which is what the ram says eat and drink interact so that we can emulate so that we have something to Aspire to I talked about not only doing this physically with with great people but doing it virtually by reading biographies and by watching and by listening and by attaching ourselves to these people so the ra says that's how you achieve this Mitzvah is interpreting everything in your life through the lens that it's meant to be that for the good even when we struggle to understand it at that moment and how do you cling to God is you cling to God's closest confidence when you cling to God's closest confidence that's how you get you know in life there are people who are close to great people and they feel people are trying to cling to the end right they want to get how do I get close to the the star how do I get close to that leader how do I get close to that powerful person that rich person when I get close to the people around them so that's what says one of the ways to get close to Hashem is to get close to the people closest to and that's how we get access and insight into him the the other interpretation of the r includes within the mitzah of loving godum right the r describes loving God not as like we've totally abused that word love we've totally taken all meaning away from the word love we love the people closest to us and we use the exact same word to describe pizza or to describe our favorite song or to describe our favorite show oh I love that song oh I love that restaurant oh I love that oh and honey I love you right so there's no word left we're out of words cuz that's supposed to be the most powerful word to describe when we love the people closest to us and it's a genuine thing I hate when people you know you hang up and say love you Rabbi I love you I never say I love you back cuz I don't love them I I love them I love them I love all Jews I love them but if I say I love you to a person I have a casual friendship with what's left to say to Y and my kids my mother what's left to say to the people who you love and you want to express that love in a different way so the ram says the love you're supposed to have with Hashem is not like pizza ah I love pizza and I I love Hashem too he does good things for me right the love for Hashem is supposed to be a I mentioned this last week too you know when that couple's dating and they finally get engaged and you can't be in a room with them cuz it's nauseating you want to throw up you know oh isn't he so cute oh isn't she so adorable oh isn't this so amazing isn't this so that aren't they so perfect aren't they and you're like I can't you can't be near them so the rambam literally likes that's the love you're supposed to have for Hashem like I'm infatuated with Hashem I am obsessed with Hashem I adore Hashem I can't get enough of Hashem I'm just obsessed with Hashem that's the love affair that's the yearning that's the lust that's the infatuation we're supposed to have with so is asking this question on the rambam the rambam is describing loving Hashem the way we would have thought clinging to Hashem and he's describing clinging ashem as attaching yourself to the people close to Hashem why why take it out from the simple interpretation simple interpretation ised back clinging to is clinging to hem why the ra deviate so the asked this question you can't fulfill clean to yourself it's only through an intermediary what mosha didn't have this Commandments himself mosha also had this commandment who is he supposed to cling to right every one of us has a re we cling to who is mosha supposed to cling to so the simple understanding of the Mitzvah is just cling to Hashem why would the ran be reinterpreting it and taking it out of its simple meaning to suggest the to is clinging to the ra is bothered not just that you know it's hard if you're not a to cl to so do your best and and cling to the ra is saying it is almost by definition impossible how can you cling to some someone intangible how can you cling to someone invisible how can you cling to someone who is beyond anything that we can imagine so what's the answer to achieving it's a beautiful Insight of the the the Insight is part of the prerequisite to achieving clinging to Hashem is attaching yourself to others it's not just that I kind of fulfill clinging to God through attaching to someone close to God it's that I can't cling to God without attaching to others without being part of a community without connecting loneliness breeds also a distance or it closes off certain access to Hashem sometimes loneliness brings greater Faith right the R's lonely man of Faith sometimes you can feel lonely and alone and it reminds you that you're not alone and you're not lonely and you always have Hashem but if you're not part of a seor being part of a community is so fundamental to the Jewish people clinging and caring about others is so fundamental to connecting to God because where do you find God where does God become visible how is God tangible how can you physically get a hug from God because people are Sim people are a piece of God in them there is a Godly soul and a Godly Spirit now some people there's layers and layers and layers covering that Godly Soul it's really to squeeze that God out of them would be a really tight hug it's really hard to find you need a magnifying glass and a telescope and uh I don't know what to find that Godly soul in them is really hard but there's other people that The Godly soul is right on the surface they're so special they're so kind they're so sweet they're so spiritual there's something so special about them that just being around them you're you're around God so that's what he's suggesting within the ramam the rambam is not saying we can't achieve the ideal so we Define the Mitzvah as the secondary which is to connect to the ra is saying even within the definition of the ideal you cling to God how he's invisible I can't touch him I can't feel him I can't hear him so how do I cling to him when can I touch him when I see the god in other people when I see The Godly soul and The Godly spirit in other people when I see greatness when I see that which is worthy of awe and admiration when I see selflessness when I see humility when I see kindness when I see all the values that God stands for the things that are really the expression of a Godly soul in others I'm seeing God I see the god in you I'm seeing God so how do I achieve how do I cling to God by clinging to the god in others even the can't connect to the god in themselves if they're trying to access a relationship with God it's not to the god in their own C what are they going to look in the mirror and say oh the good and you I connect with doesn't work even they have to find a and again we're using the word broadly here not as how many you know by heart but men or women righteous people who are emissaries and ambassadors of hem in this world one of the commentaries in the ra [Music] called we should attach our thoughts to Hashem in all moments when we're eating Hashem is in this of water Hashem has provided the environment the uh what's it called the Ambiance that everything even the Ambiance is is created by hashem's word when I eat when I drink when I sleep when I'm watching football when I'm when I'm going for a walk when I'm experiencing recreation in everything I do it's measured by do I seek God in this how can I be greater from this how can I Elevate myself through this experience how can I ever get to a point that I can see Hashem in the cup of water in the sky in the lake in the traffic light in the conversation in the everything how do I see Hashem in that so the answer is if I can't see hasem in you I'll never see him in the cup of coffee if I can't see Hashem in a person through whom Hashem is expressed more clearly more boldly than anything else then I'll never come to see him in the cup of coffee and that's why the ram creates the definition ofus in this order and according to that hierarchy why because I have to learn train myself to see the Hashem it's really a beautiful it kind of connects to the drush I gave a couple weeks ago that our mission in life is to be angels we look for angels that come from heaven but angels are born here on Earth and there are angels on Earth all around us and it's all a question of who we focus on who we see you could see you know the miserable low life complaining negative terrible people of which there are no shortage of them everywhere right interacting with us all the time just this morning someone was complaining to me about an experience at the supermarket and at the checkout and how that and are you right there's terrible people on every checkout you could look at the negative experience on every checkout you can see the positive people there are people all around us that you have access to seeing God there are great people selfless kind good good-hearted people peaceloving people sensitive people spiritual people who are amazing who you feel better about yourself when you walk away from that experience with them I love being around those people who have a I love being around the people who have miserable lives and they're the happiest people cuz how could you complain cuz they found a way to say that whatever I'm going through is meant to be it's not going to Define me I can find happiness in it and that's amazing that's amazing it's absolutely amazing amazing so that's how do you achieve how do you cling to hasem cling to the Hashem in other people find it identify it articulate it and cling to it you know we have a choice we could surround ourselves by the people who bring us down we could surround ourselves by the people who make us feel worse about ourselves we could surround ourselves by the people who who are obstacles to our becoming the best version of ourselves or we can sit and calculate who are the people that bring the most out of us I have a learning group um a group of guys Business Leaders and we learn together and we discuss business issues together so we were talking about this week how many create end of the year end of the Gregorian calendar year they set aside time to evaluate the year and to set goals for the next year and how do you do that and what does it look doing like that and so on and one of them showed something very interesting he said he actually takes his entire calendar of the previous year and looks over the whole calendar not every second of every day but you know the big things how many trips did he take and in the coming year does he want to take the same or less or more trips how does that balance with everything else he has to do what with the social experiences he had does he want more did he want less so he said one of the things that he does I thought this was fascinating is when he talks about like his friends who did he go out for dinner with this is actually not an observant person we we might measure it by like reviewing who our chabas meals were who our chabas invitations were right that that's a tremendous to look back at the last year of shabas and say who did I invite only my friends or even people who need meals within the friends the friends that the shabas meals became places of Torah and and I walked away having talked about ideas and better person or did I walk away talking about people and when he looks at his calendar and he looks at these relationships and he looks at who he went out to dinner with he says who helped me become better this year and who held me back because those who held me back I'm not going out for dinner with next year life is too short and my goals are too big and important to be w La down and held back by the people who are negative influences now you've got to do that in a very sensitive and elegant fashion right first of all I'm waiting to see whether I get invited out to dinner with him next year I don't know if I make the cut where where I Fall In The Chain but because you can't you know ditch unceremoniously simply cast aside the people who don't make you better because they also need your positive influence what will their lives look like if you cold turkey the pull away you want to them so I'm advocating you have to do it sensitively and carefully however what a brilliant and beautiful idea that a person says I have goals in life they're not only measured by a profit margin and a revenue my income how I did this year they're measured by am I becoming a better version of me am I becoming a better person am I a better version of myself have I grown this year what are the things that propelled me forward and what are the obstacles that stood in my path and in the coming year this is really an El rashash conversation but we happen to be heading towards the secular new year but in the coming year I want more of the things that propelled me forward and I'm going to cut out and have less of the things that held me back that could include hobbies and experiences you could review your calendar and say wow I played so much go golf if you add up how many hours I spent on that and I claim I don't have time to read a book that was ridiculous right or you could look and say you know what golf was where I had breakthrough moments and ideas and I had the serenity that I needed because I wasn't taking time for myself and I need more golf I'm not adding a label or a judgment on any of the activities it could be people it could be activities but the notion that and this is what what theb is suggesting to us seeing Hashem on the golf course and the books you read and who you go out to dinner with is the people who theim is buried under many layers I don't know that I want to build that friendship and the people that it's right on the surface that's who I want to hang out with because we are we are a product of of uh who we hang out with the r says it very clearly choose where you live very carefully because you are a product of who you hang out with I actually just saw this quote from secular research also that said basically you are a combination of the four people you spend the most time with that's what it said you are the combination of the four people you spend the most time with I don't know how you measure that and how accurate it is but there is no question that we are a product of who we're with we all know that being with different people brings out different sides of us so which side of us is the real us which side of us do we want to see more and that should determine who we want to hang out with but this idea that you living right to conclude living is not just and is not just about seeing Hashem you know the in the sky the distant Almighty Creator omnipotent Providence it's not just about the God up there is about seeing God in the Angels born on Earth it's making the choice just like seeing God just like the am of hasem upstairs is all about the choice you make do I want to interpret this event as random and chance or do I want to interpret this event as being as being by Design that's a choice I have so too I can walk around the world and say this miserable terrible negative people or wow look at theim in that person look at the godliness that they just displayed in that amazingly selfless act that they just did such an such donated their kidney so and so there's there's incredible telim all around us so part of the way when our faith is suffering when we're struggling is not only to talk about the big picture amuna the macro amuna but it's to also work on the micro amuna to work on the amuna of finding exceptional people and attaching ourselves to them realizing they're extraordinary people and being able to ride their coattails of their faith you know the story the great story of the of the blbi I've used this in a yard Russa this is the great story where um the Nazis at one point rounded up a group of Jews and challenged them they had to jump over this enormous Cavern and and if they made it to the other side they would live and if they didn't they would fall to their death and this this individual who was with the blba an individual who previously been religious but had given up his faith in the concentration camp said to the BL ofba I have no idea how I'm going to get to the other side how we're going to do it and the BL ofba um said you know I'm butchering the story because I didn't read it recently but we're going to be able to do it and buba you know runs and jumps and makes it to the other side and right behind him comes this this other individual and he says to the blba how did you do it that was an Impossible Jump we weak how did you do it he said because I pictured my ancestors andov and I pictured my grandparents and my parents and I grabbed on to them and they carried me to the other side and he turned to him and he said but how did you do it how did you you don't believe anymore you've walked away how did you get to the other side and he said rebi I grabbed on to you so that story which is so much better than the way I just said it that story is is exactly another form ofus sometimes right like that individual when you have trouble seeing yob when you have trouble grabbing on to the Heritage and the religion and the Theology and the high futin terminology and the omnipotent God but you grab onto the BL ofi you grab on to the great people around you theim around you whether it's the stories like that of the BL I'm reading this book on the kenba among the 10 books I'm in the middle of when I say reading means like at a pace that whatever but read these books read this great individual ual we've talked about this and the Reb kki and and the quen and the BL and there's incredible books the many books that came out about the laabi you read these books you get goosebumps and you're on fire you're grabbing on to them as they jump and carry us with them even when I'm not ready to sit down and learn I'm not ready to hear the ra describe I just don't see that sometimes the Breakthrough is to see the great the the comes by attaching ourselves to the Salam Elohim within great people within great people and when we do please God will make it to the other side have a great day