Part 57: Mitzvos as an Exercise in Humility

okay good morning BTO we continue our weekly amuna support group want to thank Sarah katuna generously sponsored this morning for of a healthy baby should have good news and in good health and and with lots ofas okay we're on P here shom and we've been talking about the mitvah of the idea of clinging to Hashem sticking with Hashem the quoted Mah and others who tell us that the entire Torah and mitzvos all of observance is a platform to promote to generate a greater sense and feeling of connecting and clinging to hem we don't just go through these arbitrary or empty or superficial actions or checklist we're doing it all in order to be able to connect and create a relationship with Hashem I I wrote I wrote in the weekly this past week on my blog really quoting this blog from this senior teenage boy the senior in high school who talked about um he really articulated I think so poignantly that so much of his education he feels is just check check check do this check that check the other thing check he said it's as if we don't even give a relationship with Hashem a chance it was so genuine it came from such a sincere place and I think he really articulated it very well that it's not supposed to be wrote or habit we don't just go through motions but the idea is to generate a feeling a connection a bond that we're engaged and involved in a relationship that we feel a sense ofus of clinging Deus from De of clinging to AEM so again with the top paragraph on the right hand column of page SAR if there's extra copies you could pass it around that would be great more coffee feel free to help yourselves to some coffee we started with that first sentence as we ended off last week that fulfilling this Mitzvah of clinging to Hashem so that everything that happens in your life you interpret through the lens of whatever is going on you realize this comes from Hashem that comes from Hashem I need Hashem I'm grateful to Hashem that living that life that mindful conscientious life is one of the hardest things in aod in serving Hashem it's almost easier to give staka and pay that tuition as hard as that is it's almost easier it's easier to keep kosher it's easier to keep shabas all these others areas of Jewish life which we view as challenging and they're not simple but they are simple and they pale in comparison to that great challenge of living that life of mindfulness where everything that happens is interpreted through the lens of Hashem I just spoke about in the um I just spoke about in the in the cup of joe no there's a chair right here yeah there's a seat right here I just spoke about in the in the cup of Joe and sh after the 745 minion that idea rinkus develops is that when you interpret your whole life through the lens of hem he quotes G Isel our greatest most righteous role models it wasn't just when they got to daving it was let let's say it's on your calendar that DAV M at 4:00 DAV Marv at 9:00 DAV shakas at 7: a.m. so when you get to those points of time on your calendar Outlook Google whatever calendar you use pops up a reminder time to DAV oh now I have to DAV I open my S and I DAV for these most rightous greatest role models that doing experience was always in the back of their mind so that whatever was happening in their day an AG genda was being created for that next dominant so let's say something happened to you that you weren't expecting or went better than you thought would go um in your agenda you built was that oh yeah when I don't forget to say thank you to hasem or and I gave the example yesterday when when the horrific Terror event happened in New York city so our first reaction as as people of of people of am who are clinging to hem our instinctive intuitive reaction should have been first of all at that moment right right away Hashem please give strength to the families of the victims and give strength and give healing to the people who were hurt and help law enforcement catch the perpetrators and help keep us safe in addition to whatever check we wanted to write to help people or whatever action we wanted to take to advocate for whatever policy to keep us safer in addition to whatever we were doing in the world of gmas but in the world of Rus in the spiritual World instinctively and intuitively we have to react by talking to Hashem so one sh in their mind say you know what in my agenda for I have to remember to ask to heal the People by the time you get to can't be oh yeah I forgot there was a terror event in Manhattan oh so terrible and I hope the people are better but by the time you got to you're just getting out that doing doing check said the script went through the template said the doing the Liturgy no the whole idea of the template is to fill it in with your own personal agenda so you know I walk around with these cards in my pocket because you know every day I'm thinking about whenever something pops in my head call that person respond to that email set up that meeting get that thing done I'm writing it down wouldn't it be beautiful I don't do this but I'm trying to inspire myself to do this is wouldn't it be beautiful if we also have a card where we're keeping an agenda for the next Avenue right if you knew you're invited to the Oval Office when would you think about what you want to say as you walk through the door and shake the hand no hopefully you will have crafted and scripted what you want to say how do I want to Express gratitude what do I want to acknowledge thanks for what are the things I want to ask for push for you wouldn't walk in and be like I haven't really given thought to this and then make small talk and miss the opportunity and walk out you wouldn't want somebody handed you a script and said when you get in there just say this then say thank you and walk out you'd want to give your own thought and add your own component so three times a day we appear before the three times a day we enter hashem's Oval Office so to say we take three steps forward we talked about yesterday the par the three VES and the three steps forward that we take what they commemorate we take three steps forward and we've left the kitchen or the living room we've left even the Sho we've left being on the side of the we've left wherever we are physically and we've now walked into hashem's Oval Office we're with the Almighty we have an audience with the King of Kings so do we give thought have we set an agenda what do I want to say thanks for what do I want to ask for what do I want to do so living with that mindfulness I'm telling you all of this because the the the rinkus describes the most righteous have that capacity whatever is happening in their day oh yeah later you know I gave the example also literally just a few minutes ago sometimes things go you know I think in a healthy marriage as things go on in your day you want to remember to tell your spouse you crave you desire to tell your spouse so whether literally you write it down or you text remind me later to tell you about ex or or just in the back of your mind you've made a mental note later I want to tell you X you're living your life through the lens of how do I want this to make me closer with my spouse what do I want to share with them a frustration I had during the day a moment of gratitude of how was amazing during the day so all all the more so Theon all the more so the relationship the loving romantic relationship with Hashem oh yeah remind me at Mar tomorrow at shakas I want to talk to Hashem right and eaching represents a different point in time of that experience so the maybe is the Gratitude what happened earlier in the day Shak says maybe you know what Hashem before D I looked at my schedule I have a big meeting today I've got a big interview today my daughter is going on a date tonight and it's so important to me whatever my child is is is going for the big ultrasound whatever is coming up that that you've actually looked at your agenda before shakas so that your shakas is different if you've given thought to what's coming up today then your shakas is different versus oh yeah it's just another thing I got to do I got to drink my coffee I got to drive car poool I've got to get this done I got to get that done somewhere in between I'm going to squeeze out a shakas while I'm still putting away the bowls from the cereal of breakfast that the kids left out that that's not a shakas that's not a Shak that's going to yield it's not going to yield a sense of sticking with hasem glue a romantic R if you put the thought in beforehand it will okay continuing the only way that you can arrive at that sense of connecting clinging sticking with hem is when you first nullify yourself you have to feel about yourself that you are insignificant inconsequential you're an utter pathetic nothing gourn right last week we talked about I think we talked about the schools of Muska Nar C Godless Adam the greatness of man versus Shi the loneliness of man do we connect with hem by realizing we're we're we're just a step away from being God or do we connect Hashem by realizing we're just a step away by being warm food which is the one that's going to drive us more so here the is describing that and this is this week's para by the way when talks to Hashem and protests and objects to what hasem is going to do with stone in the middle he realizes you know what who the heck am I to be telling hasem how to run his world so what does he say in the middle yeah I'm just like dust and Ash I'm nothing I'm garnished I'm a but here's what I think with the capacity that you gave me here's what I think I think it's unjust how could you kill the righteous with the wicked can't do this Hashem and a protests and in that way gives us license I think that's what gives us license to DAV altogether through the positive End by avoiding the negative Commandments every Mitzvah is an exercise in humility if you tap into the energy if you tap into the deeper meaning of every Mitzvah we do it is an exercise in humility it's an exercise you know we are realizing that as much as we can show initiative and we try and we work and we accomplish and we achieve and we have so much to be proud of and we should be proud but in the end of the day we are the junior partner in a partnership with the senior partner without him it doesn't work and so every give me example of a Mitzvah call out a Mitzvah and I'll tell you how it can achieve Deus and how it's in Truth at its core and exercise in feeling humble and humility I me thinking about bras you make you make a br on the food you realize yeah I went I I earned the money to go shopping to buy the ingredients to have made the recipe to have put together this delicious potato cookle but I make Bor and I say Hashem where did I get the potatoes from they come from the ground and if you want it to not rain or you want there to be a a plague in the ground or you want there to be a drought or you want there to be a whatever shortage of potatoes there's no potatoes I don't have this to eat I could be proud that I put together a delicious potato too I'm a great cook but I make a because I need to bring myself back anchor myself in humility that Hashem it's all from you I I wouldn't have the ingredients to start mixing together if it weren't for you it wouldn't have come out well the oven could malfunction the ingredients could be off The Taste could be whatever I mean it's it sounds like a petty silly example but and that's the May 100 times a day you make a but whether it's lighting candle whatever Mitzvah is I don't know tell me a Mitzvah what honoring your parents honoring your parents is a perfect example thear says that when you honor your parents you're honoring Hashem when you dishonor your parents you're dishonoring Hashem the commentaries all ask well what does one thing I have to do with the other why can't I go D with kavana and Shuckle and cry and say all to every day and have this incredible relationship with Hashem and it just happens to be I don't get along with my parents you know I don't honor them they're not worthy of honor I don't like them you know I struggle with that what does one thing have to do with the other so the M explain that no they go together what is the experience of honoring your parents it's realizing that without them you wouldn't be here we tend to want to live a sense of Independence you know I take care of myself I'm autonomous I'm independent I don't need them I'm good on my own right so what is it says stop even if you're financially independent which Hali kids would want to be today but even if you're financially independent and even if you're accomplished and even if you want to feel that you're you've come on Come Along on on your own but you need to turn around and realize that literally you would not be in existence without them whether physically they conceived you and brought you into this world or even if they haven't been very good parents somebody changed those diapers and nursed you and gave that baby food and got you through those first months or years even if they haven't nurtured you the way you wish they were the parents you wish they were I mean there's a whole discussion in do you have to honor parents who are Unworthy of Honor but leave that aside for a moment that's talking about really wicked parents to honor an abusive parent leave that aside but I'm just talking about you know you've determined they weren't the best parents your friend had much better parents so you don't think your parents deserve to be honored because your friend's parents were much better or you got married and your spouse's parents are much better but the still says you have to honor them and why are you have to still honor them because you're not honoring them you're honoring Hashem you're honoring the notion that you are not independent you are dependent that you didn't come out of nowhere you came out of somewhere is really an exercise inar in gratitude it's an exercise in humility and feeling dependent I I always put it like this you know we live on a timeline so people on a timeline a l right time is linear we don't believe that is juice We Believe time is cyclical but assuming for the moment time is linear right time began here and it's a line that extends and that direction is the future and that's the past and you're a point moving along the line and wherever you are that point on the line that's the present so most people like to live their life particularly it's growing even more in these Generations they like to live their life looking forward in the time line right just anticipating the future nothing existed before me I don't come from anywhere I don't have to have gratitude for anything I don't need to have any appreciation of my personal or our Collective history I'm just plowing forward I'm the first person to ever exist and I'm I'm plowing forward especially young people like to live that life they're they're in the future everything's about the future and where I'm going in the future comes along the MS of it says stop freeze on the point on the timeline and turn around and look what comes before you you have parents and when you see you know who's standing right behind them your grandparents and you know who's right behind them your great- grandparents and if you look all the way in the back of the line at the beginning of the line you know who's there Hashem he's all the way so what is K aim it's saying stop and turn around and when you stop and turn around not only will you see and feel grateful to your parents you'll see and you'll feel Hashem is in the line too so keep is not just like I have this m I have to get their slippers and their newspaper and I can't sit in their seat and I can't call them their name and you know it's this olic thing and you know kids today are like why do I have to honor my parents my parents should honor me you know who says they're deserving of honor I'm smarter because I know how to Google and I know how to use technology and I have access to more information they need my help when there's a problem with their cell phone so they should honor me right so so why should I honor them they should honor me and that's a huge challenge we have in our in our day I can speak a lot about this I'm not going to go into this right why should I honor any Authority or anyone older than me or any anything and the answer is because you got to stop and turn around and realize where you come from so we we didn't set that up but any Mitzvah that you call out I don't want spend more time on this any Mitzvah at its core says the is an exercise in humility is realizing I just saw this morning the Alexander Reb someone always asked him I can't get my kid to bench my D my kid want bench I can't get them to stay benching how what do you recommend you know the Alexander said you need to bench out loud and and better don't do anything with them just you do better if you bench with sincerity you know do you bench and while you're benching are you clearing the table while you benching are you scrolling through your phone while you're benching are you whatever so are you surprised when your child doesn't bench was a it was a great response right not punish your child positive conditioning negative conditioning positive reinforcement negative reinforcement the whole answer was how's your benching how's your benching and that will have the impact okay the best way to conquer the in this area is we need to overcome that sense of anus anus is the eye the ego the ID that sense of eye the ego that gets involved in all this the ego honor Envy lust desire arrogance the ego is the biggest obstacle ego is the biggest obstacle in human relationships why should we be surprised if the ego is the biggest obstacle in the relationship with Hashem how you going to have awe of Hashem if you have a big ego how you going to come to love Hashem and forfeit submit to him if you have a big ego so the ego that sense of anus the sense of yes that I am all that that I am something that I've arrived that I've accomplished that I've achieved what I want right now my need to comprehend the world my need for everything to conform the way I want it that is the biggest obstacle in relationships as it says in the tun just like the animal who in its world only the animal has its Instinct has its impulse has itself an animal has no self-awareness an animal has no awareness of others I know every dog lover here is going to tell me the dog snuggles up to them and loves them and gives to them and protects them and that's good but that's coming from Instinct it's lovely yeah that's an animal Instinct it's an animal impulse ad us correct it's an animal Instinct it's Pavlov's dog it's Pavlov's Bell response it's it's the animal impulse and Instinct an animal has no self-awareness the animal doesn't say you know how do I look in this outfit the animal doesn't say you know what will what will my owner think of me if I defecate on the carpet the animal lives right we call it even animal impulse we call it an animal Instinct right the the animal has an instinct and the piece of us that wants to pursue the Instinct without thinking is the animal within us but where does that come from in the animal cuz all animal cares about is I it's I animals don't have a big ego in the sense that you know it's big ego competition but animal only cares about I I want to eat this I don't first give thought to is it mine is it yours is it healthy was it put out for me does it belong to me right the animal just wants to eat it the animal the animal needs to relieve itself it lifts his leg and doesn't say he this my tree your tree the neighbor's tree whose tree right the animal just operates based on Instinct so built into the animal the animal has an instinct and impulse that says me me me me whatever serves me whatever serves me so right the animal without getting graphic meets another animal in the backyard it doesn't say maybe I should take her out for drinks first an hour what if she's in a relationship with the with the cat in the next yard what if right the animal doesn't start to contemplate what a relationship means it's an I want to do this right now I do this right now I I will get graphic but I once said to a young man who uh many years ago I was in the colal and I was learning with a a young man who who told me that any morning that he didn't wake up next to a new girl was a failure of the night before right that was his philosophy of life so I said to him I said let me ask you a question also when you have the urge that you need to go to the bathroom do you just go on a tree like you're walking by he was like what are you talking about I said well you're basically an animal you're just you're living an animal life that's not there's no relationship there's no context there's no deeper meaning or fulfillment you feel an urge and you satisfy it so do you also like you're walking down the street you're hungry you grab some grub and you stuff in your mouth you also you need urge to go to the bathroom you find a tree and you go like that's the animal in us and that's the challenge the whole conflict in life is the tension between it's the whole is is the B is the tension between the ne the animal impulse in us and theim The Godly Spirit now it's very interesting because other of the other mus said the goal of theim is to obliterate the we're supposed to destroy the animal impulse in US rers writes that's the origin of carbonos carbonos the idea that you bring sacrifices is not some barbaric said ofs you come to the base of Mikes the temple and you offer an animal to God and you say God the slaughtering of this animal is slaughtering the animal inside me I'm offering you this animal and I'm eliminating I'm purging that animal impulse that animal Instinct in me and rers so beautifully goes through all of the Seder carbonos and describes how it corresponds with that symbolism of getting rid of that instinct and impulse within me so for example he says you know the the from the flower offering to the wine offering flower is my most basic necessity bread to Wine which represents my luxury the burning of the fats on the altars the destruction of the of the indulgences he goes through all of the different examples so classically the idea was that theim I want my Godly Spirit to ult to to obliterate that animal impulse the the SE the of the T the novel approach of the T of the AL is that theim doesn't obliterate the animal impulse it elevates it it turns it around right the whole notion when you picture of of of food of of a drink you're not trying to live a life of fasting and of of trying to transcend the physical desires the animal impulse you're embracing that animal impulse but you're transforming it you're elevating it you're turning it into something which is higher into something which is better so writes what's an animal an animal is all an the anus yeses an animal says the here now right now I have to satisfy that appetite that itch that urge that desire right now it's me me me and even religious personality says the you can be observing all Torah check check check learn check check check check check but really throughout your day or what's driving it all is the sense of an I want everyone to I get sta I want to be seen as the best in the dafi I Shuckle the most at the daving even doing all the right things a Reb of minman is coming for shabas in December so he used to describe it kavna he'd say you know on the outside of the circle the points on the circle you're doing all the right things you're doing all the right things the question is what you have the spokes of the wheel what's at the center of the circle it's Hashem in the middle of the circle because all the rungs of the circle it's it's all there to draw you back to you're going through all those things because you're fulfilling hashem's vision for you and for his world and it yields it it brings you to a sense of of connection with hem or is the center of the circle Ani is the eye in the center of the circle because that gives me satisfaction and that gives me fulfillment and that makes me happy and that brings me honor even by the way when you're doing it not for Honor but you know what that's what makes me happy that's like a 21st century think our great great grandparents in the ghetto observed because they said that's what makes me happy you'd say why are you doing it they say that's what that's what do you mean that's what that's what a yid does that's what hasem asks of us that's my responsibility I'm a link in the chain I'm a in the process of continuity so says even those spiritual people who are trying who are growing in Torah they're also we're also struggling with the an is the ey you have to destroy we have to constantly struggle and battle to sublimate that sense of I it's not about me it's not about what I want it's not about my ego it's not about my happiness it's not about my rights and entitlements it's about my duty and obligation it's destroying and it's it's ble so the prerequisite to clinging to hem the prerequisite to connecting and feeling that connection is to go through your day and to go through your life not about the eye but going through life what's my mission how can I be of service what I what I wrote in the in the weekly playing off of this blog of this uh I think very insightful teenager is that whole philosophy of is is to get out of the what what's the antidote to the eye to the an what's means it's not about what I want it's about what I can give it's my willingness so the whole educational system there in the granted it's training young men who are about to go into the army but is all about where is your place in the army of Hashem what's your personal mission where is your responsibility to give to the world what can you do I've been uh Congressman de is a good friend of mine and and we learned and on Friday we were learning and we were talking about this with AB the what's your personal mission and so on and I said I've proposed to him you know the Israel's wouldn't it be great if in America there were a notion of national service you're not going to mandate national service that that shift you can't do but wouldn't it be great if there were legislation that said that if you took a year off right our kids take a gap year they go learn in Israel in Yeshiva and Seminary but the average American kid who's coming out of high school in a world of me me me I want technology I want a party I need a car I want to go to Starbucks I need everything what if they took a year where I don't know their parents got a tax break or they got a scholarship to college or some benefit or reward if you created a system of national service wouldn't it wouldn't it transformed the culture of America aren't we desperate for that right now of national of national service so that's the because the prerequisite toas if you want spiritual growth you got to get out of the mentality of I I I that's from sadan and and and it will make inspired children it'll make givers not takers it'll make you inspired it it'll make you alive energized and it'll probably overcome the amount of anti-depressants we're giving out and all of the other issues that we're facing today because that's the i i i life leads to depression all the studies show when you go volunteer in a soup kitchen when you become a giver you break out of depression that's when you feel alive that's when you feel awake that's when you feel energized so that's true in the the interpersonal realm and it's true the you want to feel alive spirit get out of the eye I eye what I want what I need I need hashem's rules to conform to what's easy for me and get out of that and say you know what my I don't really want to wear this but Mis this is what hashem's expectation of me of modesty I'm doing it I don't want to really give 10% of my income that staka but Hashem asked me to be his partner and he gave me 90% he's letting me keep 90% of what he earned for me or helped me earn or allowed me to earn I don't really want to give the 10% I'm going to give it I don't really want to get out of bed and go to D and go to mes so religiously Mish get out of the eye God's rules don't have to conform to what you want eating dress speaking Stu get out of that get to the point of the the point of the uh breaking the anus B nullification of ourselves submission and when you achieve submission that is the prerequisite ofus yes I wanted to ask what is the difference or how do you differentiate between humility and your self-esteem it's a great question it's an important question um the difference between humility and self-esteem so I think that what the two pockets right the two pockets the famous in one pocket you have to carry a little piece of paper that says from the I'm nothing dust to the world and the other pocket you carry the the gamar statement that the whole world was created just for and the is to know which to take when to take which note out of the pocket sometimes you feel like a nothing you have to remember the whole world was created just for you you're just to step below God sometimes you feel a little bit of ego you got to take out that other little petek and remember I'm a gourish I'm an absolute nothing when can you possibly think that the world was created for you you should think the world was created for you when you're when you're depressed and you're lying in bed and you think you're unworthy and you think you don't deserve happiness and you think you have nothing to offer the world you should remember that I have such potential and that the best version of myself is is meant to make such a contribution to the world that this entire world is worthy just for me what it's not just for me what it can give to me but just for me what I can give to it so I think there's a very big difference you can have a lot of self-confidence to be a very humble person yes you can you can have no self-esteem and be very arrogant the two don't necessarily go together because I think they're very different qualities the Jewish notion of humility is not to think that you not worthy it's to recognize your talents your skills your gifts but to realize it all comes from Hashem that it's borrowed but never owned and it could disappear in a moment's notice so the self-confidence is to say I'm good at a B and C humility is to say I'm good at it because Hashem has enabled me to be good at it and every time it goes well I thank him afterwards and every time before I say please Hashem help continue to let me have it and to realize it could disappear any moment and never take it for granted so you could be very self-confident the self-confidence is that Hashem has granted and gifted me these skills but the humility is that a they're for me to serve his world not for the world to serve me and B they could disappear in any moment and therefore I have humility I have humility about them MIT we'll do two more minutes MIT this mitvah appears in that we have to have awe of God we have to serve him and we have to cling to him similarly repeated If You observe Safeguard Mitzvah this Mitzvah to love God to walk in his ways and to cling to him because by the way one of the ways how you cling to hasem is to walk in his ways what's the greatest form of flattery imitation imitation you want to flatter Hashem you want to cling to Hashem you imitate him you see that at the beginning of this week's paraa what's the what does Hashem do at the beginning of this week's para he's visiting is recovering from the bris the third day the worst death of surgery and Hashem is visiting him he spoke about in the par yesterday AB interrupts that conversation with Hashem says Hashem I'm getting a call call waiting do you mind if I just take this call it might be a guest who needs some help some hospitality and and Hashem says oh I love that it's even greater to answer call waiting to offer Hospitality than it is to continue your conversation with Hashem which is a very bizarre comment you're in the middle of a conversation with god go back to our earlier metaphor you're in the Oval Office talking to the president and you say you know I'm just getting a call do you mind if I just take this call it's like absurd you're talking how often do you have that access so what's the answer Hashem prefers us to imitate him than to talk to him he'd rather us be like him than even talk to him so in that moment of an opportunity of there's the opportunity to emulate and imitate hasem Hashem says I'd rather you be like me than continue to talk to me right don't talk little and do much be Godly be Godlike follow in his footsteps that's what this PK is saying love God how do you love him how do you love God right walk in his ways follow him so when you love God you're willing to imitate him to follow his lead to to follow him that's exactly what it means right we've said countless times the new kid the kid who's in the school says to the new kid who's very nervous just stick with me follow me sit with my me at that table in the lunchroom and sit with me in the class in the spot in the class and you know just stick with me stick with me it's going to be okay so says walk with me with me stick with me it's going to be okay I do visit the sick you do I do I comfort the M Comfort the mner I I give clothing to those you beish just stick with me how do I stick with you by imitating You by walking in your way and that's how I find the most meaning in life writes maybe you think you have to live a life 30 years of loving him another 20 years of imitating him and when you're 98 years old now you're ready now you're ready to achieve the level of clinging to him so raan says no it doesn't come at the end it's what you achieve while you're doing it by loving Hashem by imitating him you are clinging to him in that moment it's not a result afterwards it's achieved while you're yet walking in that way so that's our mission that's our homework every day that mindfulness keep that piece of paper keep it on your phone spend some time before I Dak what's going on in my day I've got to include in this daving what happened in my day that I need to Express gratitude or ask him still for more help because it's not yet done or resolved to live with Theus is to be mindful that he's a presence in my life to view every Mitzvah as an opportunity for an exercise in humility to realize that if I want my children to bench I've got a bench in a way that they see me having a conversation with Hashem seriously having a conversation and and so on and when we do all this then it will result in that divus that We crave which is incredibly uplifting and inspiring have a great day