Part 55: Hashem Is Your Closest Friend

okay good morning ladies it's great to be back together yes it is for aramun also means Y is over which is also great um I want to thank we I sent that email yesterday and we have two sponsors for this morning so thank you to Cara Cara Zimmerman for sponsoring in memory I'm sorry my mother in memory not in memory but her birthday was yesterday okay thank you so much I appreciate it very much and Linda melter also emailed I think she's still uh chasing the Bears and coyotes and right she's getting the snow off the Suka but she's also uh co-sponsoring in memory of her mother Naomi Weinberg so thank you very much we appreciate your generosity and our learning should be uh in their Merit okay you have a new section in front of you it's a new man it's a new session a new season so we are studying a new section also in the I've come to really love the shalom had this amazing capacity to take very deep and very lofty ideals and ideas of but communicate them in a very accessible in a very accessible way so um so this is his section it's also in his volume including Torah the principles of Torah and this is the section called the obligation or the Mitzvah the charge to cling to Hashem the notion that we cling to Hashem all right everybody see where we are yeah good the notion of clinging to God connecting with him feeling close to him being stuck to him is really the core it's the T it's the goal of all Torah so all the Mitzvah that we have are there to generate a feeling that we connect with Hashem so whatever I'm doing in my life I'm using that as a conduit to connect as it says but told yob all of the mitz in the Torah and all the fence around the Torah are all they combine um and they give support and they promote the idea of the goal the Essence the destination of all the Mitzvah is to feel connected to Hashem so hashm gave us all these Mitzvah and he didn't give to us to restrict us to constrain us to deprive us he didn't give it to us to keep us busy he didn't give it to us to distract us he didn't give it to us to enslave us to suppress us he gave us all of these Mitzvah with the singular goal of feeling more connected to him that when we do that so you can wave the Lula vrog and just mindlessly take these four natural species and not know what you're doing and think it's the most bizarre thing in the world or you could take the lul love which represents the spine and the and the ESR which represents the heart and the Hadas which represent the lips and the AR and the eyes and the Aras to represent the lips and you could say God I'm taking my my spine and my heart and my eyes and my lips and I'm holding it together and I'm waving it in every direction because I'm directing my entire Essence my entire being I'm directing everything about myself to you all of me is in service of you and if you think about it I'm directing my heart my emotions my passions my commitment my loyalty to you my eyes what I look at what I allow myself to see my lips what I speak about and I was thinking why the spine except that religion often requires you to have a spine it requires you to have fortitude and to have uh courage to have a spine so when you think about it in that sense and I know I'm giving AAR Torah for 11 months and 3 weeks from now but when you think about it when you think about it in that sense it's just obviously the most recent uh most recent Y when you think about it in that sense the essence of the is I'm trying to connect with and cling to Hashem I'm trying to stick with him so how do I do that by by putting thought and mindfulness into everything that I'm doing I'm lighting the shabas candles I'm thinking about the darkness in the world and how I want to illuminate it thinking about how Torah is the the greatest source of light I'm praying for my children grandchildren or wanting to have children or grandchildren again there's an Essence there's a core there's a spirit to every Mitzvah but if you get to the common denominator of them all it's to feel closer to and connected with Hashem that's the goal that's the essence the root of that word I've shared this many times is de de in modern Hebrew is glue is glue God says stick with me I want you to stick with me stick with me I have your back and all the Mitzvah are different ways that we communicate that we're ready to stick with him the whole essence of Torah is to feel that sense of a connection Hashem has my back I'm sticking with him I'm clinging with him and um and that's why Moshe after he gives all the rebuke he ends it with this mitzvah why am I giving you this harsh rebuke because you're capable of so much more because you have such potential in you because you could live a life of feeling connected to hem and this is how H responded to the non his guy who came to convert the njw came to convert on one foot remember theas tells us what H tell him conver comes and says you can only imagine meets with our BAS I don't think we would have a lot of patience but L great patience says I want to convert I'm one foot I'll give you five minutes teach me everything you can in one minute if I like it I'm in I would have said you get out of here you low life get lost has this patience and what does H say to him you're giving me one minute you want me to summarize the entire Torah in one second here it is you ready what you don't want anyone to do do to you don't do to your friend well you don't want anyone to do to you don't do to your friend you don't like being bullied you don't like people speaking lar about you you don't like if someone's rude or obnoxious to you you don't like if somebody cuts you off somebody interrupts you while you're talking somebody you don't like it what you don't like people do to you don't do unto others says the you ready for this what hill was teaching him was not about only interpersonal Human Relationships what you don't want anyone to do to you don't do to God he was talking about who's the friend in the scenario what you don't want done to you don't do to your friend who's your friend your friend is the the root of the word the root of the word friend is is a connection who's a friend somebody that you have a deep connection with an acquaintance you have a passing connection with and an acquaintance you may not have a connection at all with you've just overlapped in the same space at the same time maybe the same gym with the same business with the same Community or you fighting for hering at the same Kish so that's that's an acquaintance but a somebody that you are are devoted to there's a there's a connection so with whom do we have the greatest Kor who is our greatest friend who is our dearest Confidant and greatest friend that we have is none other than Theon and therefore maybe says says the son ofi when it says what you don't want done to you don't do to your friend it's talking about hem the mitzvos are the means to connect hem and the Los say the negative Commandments are the things that hurt the Friendship so if you have a friend and you say you know you could think about it in the context of friendship you can think about it in the context of a romantic loving relationship you can think about in the context of parents and children you say here are the kinds of things that you do that make me feel more connected when I feel that you're listening to me when I feel you're responsive when I feel you're supportive of me when I feel you make time for me when I feel then we're more connected and here are the things that you do that make me feel less connected when you neglect me when you put me down when you're condescending when you dismiss my opinion when you disregard me when you then you've severed the connection I feel much more distant than you the connection is not as strong as it once was so that's true we can understand that in all the interpersonal relationships we get that with friendship maybe more acutely with marriage or and parenting that we have expectations and there are things that contribute to feeling connected there are things that sever the connection or that you know you're on the phone and you're not really coming through breaking up I can't really hear you the connection is weak there are things you do you're in a Zone you're in a bad Zone that you're hurting the contion and I can't really hear you so that's true in the interpersonal human sphere and says it's also true in our relationship with hem so how do I know what connects me to Hashem and how do I know what sers the connection what makes it a poor connection it's very easy to know Hashem told us he gave us the Torah he said MIT that's how we connect so when you take theim your spine your heart your eyes your lips you take all of those components of who you are and you wave them in every direction and you dedicate and devote it to me wow we feel connected you blow the chauffer and you use that inner that inner breath the inner air that I had originally breathed into you says God and you use that breath to now produce the sound of the chauffeur and it reminds me of the sacrifice of ab and Yak what you're willing to do for me wow I feel connected but you know when you talk lanara or you're dishonest in business or you don't D in or you eat without saying thank you to me then you're hurting the relationship I feel neglected so Hashem gave us 613 ways to contribute to the relationship right he gave us 365 248 he gave us all these different ways how we can either connect or break that connection because Hashem is our we have so many ways of seeing Hashem he's our parent he's our spouse he's our King he's our you know I saw online yesterday even Hashem was taking a hit you know the whole thing now is Harvey Weinstein's Behavior was beyond reprehensible the book should be thrown at him it should be condemned rejected horrific and so on and so and there are countless women victims of horrific men and men need to look in the mirror and they need to fix their behavior but now there's a wave of like you're a man you're just afraid to show your face you can't go out of the house because if you're a man you're just Guilty By Association because all men by definition are horrible terrible disgusting lowlife people so okay maybe men maybe we deserve that our entire gender but I saw online Hashem was taking that hit I saw someone who identifies as an orthodox Rabbi says you know what we got to stop part of what contributed to this is that we call Hashem a he and that sets up a hierarchy of power therefore men feel they're God because we call God a man so for now on we're going to call we're stopping to call God a man I don't know what he does when he says ainuu sayu he's going to change our whole liturgy you know there's a generic a father is whatever I'm not going to get into it but anyway we have all these different relationships with Hashem he's our father if you want it to be he's your mother you know the zo identifies some feminine attributes of Hashem masculine feminine Hashem could be your father he's your mother I give you little secret he's neither he's neither a man nor a woman he's not a mother or a father we're simply trying to use anthropomorphism to connect with him but whatever whatever works you he's your father he's your mother he's your husband he's your wife he's your master he's your king he's all of those things but you know what else he is he's your friend Hashem is the ultimate friend that's what the is saying this he's your friend because at the root of isor is making that connection he's actually the ultimate friend he's the ultimate friend you remember this um this summer there was a horrific not in our community in Brooklyn a drug overdose of a of a young lady grew up in a home and her parents were very courageous which was very uncharacteristic in their community of doing interviews and sharing and so on and her father shared in an interview something unbelievably powerful I actually ITI was at ish KES mosha we he spoke about it there that the father shared that his daughter Who had who had been kicked out of schools not because of Behavioral issues but academically she couldn't keep up she felt stupid it was just a such a painful story so beyond beyond beyond painful anyway at one time and the parents were amazing with their daughter amazing but at one point he said to his daughter I feel your pain and she said to him tati she said Daddy I know you love me and you you could say all kinds of things to help me but don't ever say you feel my pain nobody can feel my pain cuz nobody's me nobody knows how I feel and therefore nobody could feel my pain and I thought that was an amazingly profound lesson you know I I'm certainly been careful since then it will continue to be never to say to somebody I feel your pain it's it's it's um a little presumptuous and and it doesn't make them feel better and it and and the person probably feels what she articulated which is I appreciate your love I appreciate your support but you can't say you feel my pain mosha weberg developed it and said but there is one person who does feel our pain and that's our ultimate that's the rebon the almighty because when we confide in him he's the only one as an infinite omnipotent being who's capable of knowing everything we do feel who's capable of saying I I feel what we spoke about in the woman she on T that Hashem right we contrasted Hagar with Aon Moshe and Hashem Hagar who says I can't watch ishal about me I can't it would be too painful for me to watch versus Aron says I Can't Take My Eyes Off of Moshe in the basket and mosha who says I put a sheep on my shoulder I love the little sheep and Hashem who says I'll appear in a thorn bush not a buil is it's called because because right so so we humans can't feel another person's pain but no matter what pain we're in we can confide in Hashem who can feel our pain even when we feel that there's no human our parent our therapist our best friend there's no human who can feel our pain but Theon Shalom always can he's our because we have the ultimate with him but we have to develop thator for him to be our and you can't sometimes you know I would love to go M my Yanke is going to make it to the World Series I'd love to go to New York and I'd love to go to the game and sit in a box seat and have a kosher five course meal so what am I going to call a friend I have a friend who I went to high school with who I happened to know has seats in the third row behind home plate but I haven't really spoken to him much since high school so what am I going to do call him hey so and so my good friend my dear friend how are you what's going on just checking in after 20 plus years listen what are you doing Wednesday night I was thinking maybe we could catch up so he's going to look at me what are you are you kidding me good friend now cuz he need something you're a good friend so if we want to be there now if I called somebody who is my good friend say oh yeah e whatever anything in the world absolutely you know I need you to get me in somewhere I need you to help me with something can I ask a favor of you could you pick me up at the airport sure my dear friend of course so when you need somebody you need to invest in the Friendship before you need them they can't become your good friend when you need him K can't be your good friend because now you need him Shem my dear friend listen I need a little something now the truth is he can and we've learned that before too that unlike a human being Hashem doesn't need that and that way he's like a father a a mother he's like a parent he doesn't need a parent doesn't need you to parent says you need me now you came to me now that's good enough I'm here for you now but the relation the Friendship component of our relationship with Hashem it can't be a fair weather friend they can't be a friend when you need him if you want the Friendship if you want Theus the shaft then you need the you need the connection and hasem says here are the ways you connect and here are the things you do that hurt the connection so all this is because the is explaining that when it tells us H tells the candidate for conversion on one foot really one sentence I have to teach you the whole Torah here it is here it is you ready what you don't want done to you don't do to your friend and who's that friend Hashem it's Hashem treat Hashem with love treat Hashem with friendship because the essence and the goal of all Torah is is is connection is glue is sticking to hem so the whole Torah can be reduced to one thing I have one sentence to tell you the whole Torah he says to the convert here it is stick to hasem stick with him all the mitzah all of it it's all there to help you stick with him as the PK says in God spoke one thing I heard two things what's the one thing what are the two things says the one thing God said is stick with me kid stick with me I got your back just stick with me put your faith in me trust me just trust me and I've got your back and then we heard two things because what we heard are the two ways that you stick with him namely a and Los here are the positive Commandments how you stick with him and here are the things to avoid that will break that connection that will undo the glue that will undo the glue all the positive Commandments are subsumed and included under the first of the Ten Commandments I the Lord your God because the essence of I'm the Lord your God is and stick with me I'm in charge I got your back I control everything just stick with me person gets a horrible diagnosis they used every connection and friend ship to get in with the biggest M with the biggest expert the expert goes through everything person has a lot of questions at the end the expert puts his arm around the shoulder and says I know you have a lot of questions I know you're worried I've treated thousands of people with this I've been trained for this just stick with me trust me just trust me and stick with me I could give you lots of metaphors like that but that's what a is saying I know you're worried I know you're anxious but I've treated thousands millions in fact I created all this whole thing the people the problems the whole system I put it all together I'm in charge so hasem puts his arm around us and he says stick with me just put your faith in me just just trust me come along for the ride just trust me just trust me you got to jump you got to jump I've given in the past if you all heard my parachute my jumping out of the plane store I went skydiving twice actually each in is and um I'm not going to tell you the whole elaborate thing I've done it before but that's you know you jump out of the plane it's insane yes it's absolutely insane you're you're how are we we were 12 14,000 ft in the air oh you know when the pilot says to you um we're about to begin our initial descent so everybody trade T up trade tables up that's that's how high we were when we jumped out of the plane it's pretty insane so so you're about to jump and you know you have this anxiety this fear this worry what am I crazy you're hesitating you're resisting you leave the plane you're going down 100 Mil an hour face first towards Mother Earth not face first but you're and and what is this insane you're not enjoying your your heart beats through the roof it's it's insane then there's a guy who Taps you on the shoulder because you jump tandem so the expert says relax dude I do this eight times a day I trained theim the parachuters the Army I got this so just let go I'm in charge and enjoy the ride and when you let go and enjoy the ride you can enjoy the ride so what's he saying just stick with me we've got these hooks they're connecting us as long as you stick with me as long as the hooks are connected which on the plane you triple check about a million times but as long as those hooks as long as those hooks are connected he says as long as you stick with me and the hooks are connected you're going to be just fine so enjoy the ride cuz you're connected to me either way so either you recognize that you're connected to me and you can let go and enjoy the ride or you can pretend that you're on your own and then you're can have a miserable ride so this life this world is a ride we're going through this journey we're going through this ride you could let go and enjoy the ride or you could torture yourself so are the positive set up this Paradigm that Hashem is our he's our dearest friend there's a we have a connection with him what contributes to the connection are the positive Commandments what takes away what disconnects us are the negative Commandments that's what it means hasem says I said one thing you heard two that's what it means when the first two Commandments in the the Lord your God and therefore stick with me and here's the way do the positive things don't have other God don't follow other gods means don't pursue other things that are going to disconnect us says similarly so you say to me okay I've got this Mitzvah to cling to hem to cleave to hem to stick with god well how do I do that where are the hooks I saw the hooks that connect me with the big Israeli dude that I jumped in tandem with 17 hooks on top on bottom the backup up the strap that I saw all the hooks that connected so you know it's not it's not hard to say you know Deus stick with him I'm sticking with him there's a lot of hooks but what are the hooks that make me stick with Hashem where can I feel the hooks that connect me with Theon so that's the Mitzvah and we too often neglect them it's so tragic it's so sad our whole system is so compromised we see Mitzvah as this like checklist I got to get through if I do it good things happen to me if I don't lightning strikes me bad things happen to me doad meum check sat in the sua check let the candles check don't talk L our check just good be a good boy good girl don't be a bad boy bad that's just such an unhealthy we are living in this this we're caught up in the momentum of a religious observant Jewish life without ever stopping to think I'm in a relationship with the ribon Shalom I love him he loves me I talk to him I can rely on him I depend on him I thank him he's in my life there has to be that notion there has to be that that relationship that's there the ain't Ed Mada that there's nothing but him I went to Chicago I had Rabbi meetings yesterday so first I flew there late Monday night and it was so annoying we landed we took off late we finally landed and this is the hard to me the worst thing in travel I mind you get delayed what could you do weather mechanical we get we land and they say there's a plane in our gate they just have to finish a few things they'll pull out will be 10 minutes yeah 45 minutes later we're still sitting there waiting and I'm starting to my blood pressure is going up cuz it's like 1:00 in the morning and I'm thinking you know the flight's almost 3 hours so from the moment we took off you knew when we were Blanding you had 3 hours to figure out how you could have an open gate for our plane you couldn't figure that out in 3 hours there had to be a plane punked in our gate and then I sat there and I said you know I give this a munir what am I doing my blood pressure's going up I'm getting all bent out of shape my blood pressure is going up my my whole letter of the airline is being written in my head and that's what I did I took a deep breath and I said first of all this should be the worst thing that ever happens to me but I said a't no M I'm giv this hole okay fine I check into my dinky Hotel whatever time in the morning and I get up very early the next morning for these full day of meetings yesterday and I'm trying to get the hot water on take a shower there's no hot water there's no hot water I'm turning it this way and that way and I maybe it's weird maybe has to be in the middle get how I'm spinning the thing like Wheel of Fortune I can't get hot water no hot water I gave up I come down I come to the front desk I check out now I'm leate to get to the doing and I look bad among all the rabbis in the meetings and I said uh my room didn't have hot water oh yeah the boiler and the hotel is broken they're working on it so you know like the the core of a hotel is the bed and the shower I have business meetings all day and I just all I needed was a bed and a shower so she says yeah these things happen so again I'm starting my blood pressure these things happen by the way they do happen so you say I want to refund you the room or half the room or a voucher or go get a cup of coffee at the breakf something yeah things happen my blood pressure is I said you know what I give this aun here Ain't No No Yeah wanted for whatever reason that the people next to me would have to smell me the whole day and that would be that whatever reason so a a I'm just giving you examples first of all that I struggle we all struggle you could give you could give the Amun and you could write the amuna what's app and then all of a sudden the plane's on the tarmac the hot water's broken and all that goes out the window you're and I'm thinking I can't make a I just said to the woman you know what you're right things happen have a good day what are you going to do Yuna kicks in a Mado kicks in you gather yourself and you say you're right then I wrote an email to hotels tonight and said you know my hotel didn't I but anyway they also said things happen you still you still have to put in the sh you could hold people accountable but whatever go through and get an extra bag of Blue Chips them accountable so that they would learn absolutely absolutely but the point is so what the SLB is developing here with the reminder to us of living with is that is that the Torah and it's not like we have two things Torah and mitzvos oh and then there's like the the emotional spiritual Neo it's like there's two things like do you're an observant Jew if you keep koser keep then you heard the Chau and you took the then you're an observant Jew and then on the other side of it you have the uh then you have all the spiritual religious whatever no the Mah the it's all integrated if the mitzvos are not leading you to a to a it's not connecting you to hasem then what do you have you got nothing it's all there as a platform it's all there to generate that feeling of connection so don't just take the dollar minim right check don't just sit in the Suka sit in the Suka no matter how hot it was or uncomfortable or rainy and you say wow I'm in the shade of Hashem I left the comfort of my home and just like in the hurricane I I depended on Hashem so too in the Suka I'm always exposed to the elements and Hashem is the one who protects me every Mitzvah at its core has the capacity to propel us forward in this sense ofus in this connection in this in this uniting in this clinging with in this sticking to hem the soul of a life of is living withus is to cling to him so when the plane is on the tornament you got to cling to God if you now make a stink your blood pressure goes up you lose your cool so you just you disconnected you were uncling is that a word from Hashem you know you keep your Co say Hashem I'm sticking with you you got a plan you wanted me to get to the hotel late you wanted to be in the hot water whatever you got a plan I don't know what it is I don't understand it this should be the worst thing that happens but and I'm giving this just as a small insignificant example but you've got a plan I'm clinging with you when life is throwing me these curve balls k we've seen the we've seen the we've seen now the iben Ezra who all are saying the same thing that the essence and the core of all of Mitzvah is not just do a Mitzvah and say check but is to help you feel you're connecting and clinging to Hashem within each Mitzvah is the capacity to cling to Hashem I mean think about what I spoke about in shaba is think about um making a hundred Bros a day the says don't read it you make a hundred a hundred times in your day you talk aboutus a 100 times in your day you're thirsty you need a cup of water you need to hydrate hasem thank you so much I have access to clean water you know what these people in Puerto Rico not in the resort towns of San Juan and elsewhere you know what they're doing to get clean water so I push this cup against the thing in my fridge and I could drink water from when I wake up till I fall asleep no problem how could you not say sh how do you not say thank you hasem so you could admit the bra be really neglectful you could make the BR and put check the BR move on or you can make the BR and say sh wow I've got clean water wow how blessed how fortunate 100 times a day interrupt your day and say God I'm clinging to you I'm sticking with you thank you Hashem all right we'll pick it up next week from here