Part 54: A Father’s Impossible Love

okay good morning it's wonderful to resume our amuna our weekly amuna Shear uh we're off next week we all Wednesday's a suus unless you want to come I'm happy to come but I suspect nobody wants to we're going to learn a piece today from the which is the and um we're not embracing his perspective on Zionism but even when we hash gically have differences with great people we can to learn and draw from their wisdom and their words and their example and this is this case is no different the the so you okay so s says the following everyone have a copy this coffee if you'd like coffee please enjoy a cup says the he's finishing a larger article larger essay and he says let's end with the following we just said on rash three times in fact it was the subject of my rash speech these words today is the birthday of the world today the world sits in judgment we spoke about a few different explanations of what is the connection between the two halves of that sentence now there's there's chairs here there's more chairs here if you want um so um it's a little anticlimactic to speak about this we have almost a year till we say these words words again but it's the principle of these words which drive not only rashash but also really Inspire and inform yum Kipper as well so what do we say in these words God if we are to you like children then have pity on us have compassion on us like a father has compassion for a child and if we don't have the close relationship of children if all we are is if we're slaves then our eyes are looking to you we depend on you we rely on you we depend on you for your generosity for your kindness for your for your mercy ask why is it we have this contrast God there's two paradigms and models of relationship we could have with you we can be your children or we can be your servants your slaves if we're your servant or slave our eyes are on to you we look to you for your mercy for your compassion why only if we're his servants why if we're his sons why if we're his children are we not even if we're God's children as our father we have no other recourse there is no other one to rely upon we lean on God he is our Rock and we need his we depend on his kindness on his sustenance we depend on everything so why we only use the Expression we look to you in the model or the Paradigm of being his servant not of being his children this is the question of the of the and he says the following has a debate between mayor see we have verses different the Torah on the one end it says we are God's children we are his children we descend from him we carry his DNA he has represented in us we are his legacy all the notion that children represent to a parent we are God's children on the other hand we have that talk about our being his we are his servants we are his slaves we report to him he's our boss we serve him so the gar there in kadush has a debate between RAB May and RAB rabud is of the opinion that when are we God's children we're God's children when when when you behave when you're obedient when you're loving to God when we see ourselves as his children he sees himself as our father but when we're disobedient when we don't identify with him as our father when we ignore and neglect what he wants of us so then he doesn't relate to us as children like a father who has an unconditional love he relates to us like a who are accountable and so on that's the opinion ofuda whereas May says no they're always called children they're always called children there's nothing you can do to not be your parents child Jeffrey D's trial I'm not saying I know this I'm guessing his mother sat in the in the courtroom saying my son is innocent you don't know he's really a good boy this isn't really him right a parent Maybe not maybe not Maybe not maybe not but a parent even when their child is exceedingly late for school always loves always loves their children this is a Min this becoming a practice here different children we rotate at least this one can walk to school so we um a parent has in most cases in most cases there exceptions to every rule a parent has unconditional love an unconditional love no matter how much the child has strayed how distance they become how alienated but in within that parent Is This Love which makes sense because we love ourselves and there's no greater expression of a extension of ourselves of a connection of ourselves than our children we love our children as our extension we believe in them like we believe in ourselves we rationalize their behavior like we rationalize our own we find a way to see the good in them like we see the good in ourselves they they are an extension of us so says when are we God's children when we see ourselves as when we see him as our father and when are we not as children when we don't see him as our father comes along Reby mayor and says no we're always God's children God loves us like a parent with unconditional love so how do we Pas him who's right what is the accurate description of our relationship with the almighty is he this unconditional parent who no matter where we go and how far we stray is waiting for us to return loves us unconditionally or or if we violate the relationship do we transform it from the intimacy and the love and care of a parent to just being aadam we're servants servants and slaves are measured by their service by their loyalty they're held accountable their consequences they're not necessarily forgiven things aren't overlooked so which is the relationship that we have so we have a principle we have a rule in the talud that whenever RAB mayor and Ruda disagree we follow the opinion of RAB Yehuda that's the rule we always follow why do we follow gives us the reason why it's not a negative comment on RAB mayor that we don't follow him in fact it's actually an expression of admiration why Koso you know it was known before God as if God testifies himself that in the generation of rer there was no one like R mayor I gave a a people of the book about R mayor a few years ago it was an incredible R mayor was incredible and if you understand the marriage that R had anyone who R was married to BU R was married to BU and bua was a scholar a righteous scholar in her own right and the talud records the debates the level of the Brilliance and the debates and the discourse between between the two mayor and bu it's a complicated relationship as a Rashi andara which is so complicated that many believe it's not even an accurate a real Rashi it's forged later it's not for now but it's a very um Lous Rashi it's it's really a uh Rashi describes that R mayor and bro would compete who is more righteous who has more self-control who's more brilliant and tells the story of of rebbi Mayor setting up one of his students to solicit Breya so that the moment she would give in he could say to her you see I'm more righteous only she he didn't get there in time it's a whole Rashi let's not even let's not even get into that and bua dies and R mayor the tradition is you know goes back to Babylonia embarrassed it's a whole R mayor was a brilliant brilliant brilliant man a righteous man R Balan the T knows him as r B we have a member of our named Balan Balan is named for the great T Balan he was the person who brought about miracles he was brilliant he was righteous and so on so if he was so righteous and no one in his generation was even on par was on level with him why do we follow rabuda when the two debate why is it we don't go according to him so say the rabbis why because in fact he was so brilliant that his thinking was inaccessible to his colleagues he was on such another plane he was on such another level that his colleagues just couldn't understand his analysis his conclusions how he arrived at them so it's not that we don't pan like him because we think he's so inferior or inadequate we don't pan like him because he's so Superior nobody could even understand what he was talking about so therefore when there's a debate between the two we follow May good says according to this when is it we don't follow when there's a debate about how to live practically in this world business whatever the issue is but when there's a practical debate about how to function in this world we don't understand mayor so we can't we follow but when it comes to the heavens God knows that there's no one in the generation and while we can't tap into we can't access our mayor's thinking clearly the almighty can have a great day so therefore when it comes to Heavenly matters since the heavens does understand R Mayer when it comes to Heavenly matters then we do p like May so when is it we follow the principle that in the debate between rud and we follow Yuda that's on matters of this world because the matters of this world the colleagues couldn't understand R mayor but in Heavenly matters where God certainly could understand rebi mayor we follow re mayor so what comes out according to the on this debate are we always God's children does he always love us like children even when we are unworthy and disobedient we follow a mayor he doesn't quote it the rashba and the chuva also says the same thing even though in the debates between and rabuda the principle is we follow rabuda this is the exception in this debate we follow rebbi mayor God loves us unconditionally he has expectations of us and we have to meet those expectations and when we don't there's consequences parents who practice unconditional love is not a contradiction with parents who also have boundaries and rules and and conditioning and consequences the two don't contradict they don't contradict the conditional love means that no matter what you do you can't make me stop loving you but sometimes the way I love you is that I have to teach you accountability and I have to teach you consequences the challenge of our generation of helicopter parenting and the participation trophy generation and the parents who the kids are always right the teacher is always wrong it's a tremendous disservice to our children proper parenting includes teaching children I think one of the primary it's my own personal feeling not necessarily that I'm clearly eviden that I'm great at it but that we're great great that I'm great at it is that one of the primary responsibilities to me of parenting is to teach consequences because if we don't the world will the world will Mommy can't go into the boss when you start coming late to work and explain why and write a note and demand it's okay you have to get away with it and if we don't teach the consequences and accountability the world will and therefore that's one of our primary that's one of our primary jobs so we passing like Hashem wants us to view our relationship with him in the model of a parent and a child God has expectations of us that's what I spoke about in shabua this beautiful essay by where he talks about the notion of right this is our we spend our Amun talking about faith in God says faith in God is nice but it's theoretical having faith in God is beautiful but it's easy so to say to believe that there's a Creator there's a first cause there's a being who brought about our existence the next level faith in to believe in we'll call it sin but you all know I hate that word to belief to believe that that being that creator that Almighty has expectations of us he has demands of us and that when we don't meet him when we fail them when we disappoint him there are consequences there are results it matters that's and says RI you could be a kofer you could be a heretic when you don't believe God exists but you're also a heretic when you believe God exists but you don't think anything you do matters oh God exists but he doesn't really care what I put in my mouth he doesn't really care what I say what comes out of my mouth he doesn't care what I look at he doesn't care how I report my tax he doesn't care whether I make a br before I eat come on God's got much bigger things there's natural disasters all over the world God's worried about Puerto Rico God's worried about all these much bigger things you think he cares about whether I made a before I drank the coffee the answer is yes he doesn't care for him just like a parent when we care that our child does what's right is it because otherwise we're going to look bad is it because my ego is involved it shouldn't be as a parent our desire our hope our prayer with our child to do the right thing is because we love them we want you to excel in school we want you to be healthy emotionally physically spiritually we want you to it's for you and when God has these expectations and he creates the institution of and there consequences to them it's not for him he's he's omnipotent he's perfect he's infinite he doesn't need it it's for us but it also means just like the parent so if I say to my child you um you did X Y and Z you grounded they said well why are you grounding me I say it's for you I want you to learn well do me a favor they say to me the child says to the parent don't worry about me don't ground me take care of yourself I'll take care of myself do we as the parents say okay that sounds reasonable say it's ridiculous it's absurd when you graduate my home that will be the reality not because I'm okay with it but because I have no other choice over the last year plus I've been adjusting to the reality that my oldest doesn't live under my roof anymore and when I text her where are you and what's going on and what's going on I want to tell her you can't be out this later you can't be doing that I have to remember that she's graduated our home to an extent but when they're in your home child can't say look you take care of yourself I'll take care of myself this is the way I want to do it they they try to say this I'm entitled to have my own lifestyle my own choices and we say that's all lovely give me your phone that's all nice you're grounded so Theon says the same thing we say God look you take care of your world we'll take care of ourselves what do you care oh you're saying it's for me that you want me to make the BR it's for me you want me to be honest it's for me you want me to keep shabas and kosher I'm good without it let me take care of me God says that's nice I'm your father I know it's best for you and so that was rba's thesis there's auna in God and there's auna that what we do matters to God there's fear there's heresy when you deny God and this heresy when you deny that what we do do matters to God both matter so God is our father in fact that's what we're saying throughout this year a throughout the season rather Thea yipper we don't say it when it's on shabas but we will at a now we don't sayu a which is he first and foremost because these are the two models which is he first and foremost our father or our King he's a I once uh set over a beautiful Insight from Ranka galinski that's in where he says the gar has two different opinions a father is able to be forgiving so if you say to the father can I sit in your seat he says yeah you can sit in your father's seat let's say you say to the king hey King can I sit in your throne say sure try out the throne you're still not allowed to sit there that's the G's conclusion condition why because the king even though your father to a certain extent is the um embodiment or symbol of God but the king the way we relate to with awe and reverence the king if we become casual in our attitude towards the king that will impact our attitude towards God so therefore the king is not entitled to be forgoing of his the honor due to him so what happens what's the if you're the prince your father is the king he's both your father and the King which rule do you follow can he be forgiving and forgoing or not what Bianca ginsky shows from number sources that he can that when there's a competition or a conflict between the two identities a trumps Malu and that's the attitude we come before God when we say these ainu malanos on the one hand ainu I feel close to you casual comfortable I could go into your bed and snuggle with you on the other hand Mau I can't sit in your chair you're my king it's both and this relates to what we spoke about chabua the balance between AEM andem we have a loving relationship with God and then we have a relationship with that's filled with awe and that's filled with reverence so here the the UMB is saying that even though we P like in a debate between the two on this issue we follow R mayor that no matter what we do God loves us like a father no matter how far we stray no matter how distance we feel no matter how much we violate or neglect what he wants in the end of the day he might still hold us accountable that's why we're going to sh we're being judged we're doing chuva we're growing we're improving we're repairing but in the end of the day day we can be rest assured and it's so comforting unlike other religions which depict an Angry God a vengeful God a God who wants to exact Justice a God who who punishes God's Our Father a father has rules and boundaries but in the end of the day loves us unconditionally he's waiting he wants he's inviting he's welcoming us to come back he's rooting for us he's in our corner and he's going to meet us halfway and just like when it comes to our children we set these rules and regulations and these boundaries and and when they violate them we create a consequence if they if they are 10% apologetic or remorseful ah we let them off the hook because in the end of the day that's our child and we love them and we want them to be happy so I'm not trying to tell you you only have to do 10% Chua I I don't know hashem's formula he didn't let me in on his on his plan but he's our father and that's the image that these days these 10 days the whole year but these 10 days are supposed to carry he's our King there's no question the yes call out to God when he is close find him when he's nearby and our rabbis tell us when is that these 10 days the rest of the year the king sits on his throne in his Palace and through our prayers and through our Mitzvah we're trying to have access to him and these 10 days of the year the king leaves the palace he's in his Chariot and he's going City to city and we have access to him so on the one hand he's the king we have access to on the other hand he's Our Father who loves us yes yes you just answered my question which was that's why we changed theal to exactly because he's the king that's rash is the process of being M we coronate God we make him our King and now we spend 10 days saying well if we just made his king and the King we renewed his contract as king he's about to take stock of his whole Kingdom to decide what's worthy what's serving its purpose and what should he get rid of so the The Experience on rashash of coronating God King launches the 10 days of repentance where we say o boy I better make sure I'm worthy of continuing in his kingdom am I serving his kingdom I advancing his kingdom I know we don't use those words that's like a Christian thing God's kingdom and am I here to serve his kingdom but they they took that from us like most of their things and so we're afraid to use those terms but that's it God's the King this is his kingdom we serve his kingdom it also happens to be we are the princes and princesses it happens to be you know the prince and princess also owe the king they also serve the king but they also it's it's the king is their father so we have both we have both together I I don't mean to interrupt but it's just interesting thought um when Princess an in in England speaks to her mother on the phone on the phone she stands cuz her mother she's the daughter of Queen Elizabeth oh yeah I never heard of her well there you go okay yeah she had three sons one daughter and and and Edward the other guy she stands to and because it's her mother is the Queen of England wow and they could be on the phone every day for an hour they talk like a mother and daughter right but she stands cuz mother is the Queen of England is that that's exactly beautiful beautiful so what time is it okay let's keep going so on this issue we follow May that God always loves us like a father that which it says so why do we have the contrast then we sing the song If or your children have compassion like children and if you see us as your servants then we put our eyes to you we rely on you so when we do the right thing everybody agrees we're like children but if we're like your servant and we're being disobedient so in that moment of the opinion that we're like servants so then we're looking to you and why are we looking up to you this is the brilliant inside of the if we're acting like children everybody agrees you're our father if we're not acting like children R mayor still believes you're our father Ruda thinks that now you're our master so we're looking up to you because in heaven you like we need you to like we need you to follow his opinion that we're always his children so what's the Mish that we want you to be kind to us on the Judgment we want you to be kind to us on is toas like mayor not like R Yuda last paragraph the other way of understanding all this is that we can always transform the relationship back even if you follow rabuda that we're like servants we can become children once again and how through where does chv happen authentically chuva takes place in the heart of man the heart of woman chuva takes place inside us how sincere how genuine how authentic are we fellow man can't ever know that yeah we see who's chuckling the hardest in Shool we see who presents themselves as the most righteous we see who has the longest but we have no idea what's going on in a person's heart the one who looks like they've been dismissive of everything might lie in bed at night and have a genuine conversation with god and be the most sincere closest person and the person who's who's shuckling the most in sh when the moment they walk out of Sho could could not remember God the rest of the day we have no idea the only one who knows what's in our hearts is the almighty is the almighty chuva is when we have such regret in our heart to the point that God would testify on our behalf that we have regret I've been to court testifying on people's behalf I said they have remorse they didn't mean this you have to be lenient this is not who they are and you know I'm saying that I believe it I wouldn't testify falsely I believe it but I don't know how do I know only God can testify as to our sincerity and he does when we do the right thing with God have compassion like a father and a child and if if we in fact are like servants that we failed you and we're called servants our eyes are on you to know what's in our heart even if it appears to other people like we're not being obedient God our eyes are on you we're looking to you to know what's in our heart to testify on our behalf that inside us is someone who really wants to be close to you that inside us is someone who wants to do the right thing that really by our nature inside us is somebody who loves you and we we long that hem will will help us that will Merit to do full will be like children and like a father like a parent loves a child who just wants to give good and do good that we Merit a year of light and salvation that the honor of Heaven should be revealed on us and through us if you turn the page I may mention this before in the El so try to forget it by Saturday evening but this is uh June 2017 June 2017 Ellie wisel's son Alicia wizel wrote an article on his father's yite and if you look three paragraphs in the bottom on the first page there as a young adult I did the opposite I raged against my school against my parents against my tradition my father was ill equipped to explain the rules of modern adolescence and I raged against myself his love seemed too heavy to Bear the confidence he had in me grievously misplaced there's AIC story of the bmov who was once approached by a boning how far his son had strayed the Reb surprising answer love your son more my father must have heard this story because he lived it he believed in me even when I did not believe in myself he believed in me as I set out on a journey that would take me far from Judaism and far from him and he believed in me even as I shouted at him I wanted nothing to do with religion that I wanted to be an X Factor in every equation he and my mother had used to project my life that I would be an atheist or a Buddhist anything but what he told me I had to be my father kept telling me to be a good student a good son a good Jew but he said it more quietly and he kept setting an example by studying Torah himself by revering the name of his own parents by defending the Jewish people and Jewish values perhaps he had learned more than I realized in watching the instructor teach me when I was to how to swim the most important part of the teaching is in letting go how could my father love me the way he did when my disrespect was so severe and here when I read this in June I thought about y Kipper his love for me was an impossible love his belief in me was an impossible belief but he had a way of holding impossible beliefs and I too have impossible beliefs beliefs that do not square with rational thought I believe he's still with me still believing in me in the moment when he died he went from being somewhere to being nowhere and then he was everywhere it was as though I could feel the universe resonating with his love for me saying I'm Still Loving You I Will Always Love You I'm with you in everything you do so when I read this that's Theon if that's how Alisha wiel could feel about his father this is what we carry into Yer a hashem's love for us is an impossible love hashem's belief in US is an impossible belief and that Hashem has a way of holding on to Impossible beliefs he loves us and believes in us more than we do ourselves and we are's children so I'm not trying to absolve us of the work we have to do there's work there's chuva there's growth there's repair we have a lot to do we have a lot to work on but in the end of the day what should drive us and give us confidence that the work is worth it is that there's a father waiting for us and he loves us and he has an impossible love for us but every time that we farther from him he just loves us a little bit more like the B Tau should have AAR should be it's my favorite expression gar Gar translates to have a big finish have a big finish and that's I love that expression should be a big finish we should all in fact be signed and sealed for a sweet year of Happiness of good things of s of only the best of everything we'll resume our class please God after suus