Part 51: The Secret to Happiness and the Antidote to Worrying

okay good morning everyone continue our Amun we're going to study another piece by the on this week's par we are on break after this for several weeks leaving Sunday on vacation we'll resume the end of August and I'll send out an email to remind everyone going to dedicate our learning this morning to a continued Rua for all those who are ill particular we still have in mind our beloved friend Ben rkaa should have a complete and Speedy painless and we're also dedicating our learning this morning nishas to uh Elevate the soul the memory of a very dear and special person whose burial is actually taking place in ER Isel right now as we learn benion Ben Aron Ben grman a young man who used to live in our community who moved to LA who passed away this week 37 years old a unbelievably special person and uh a role model of who confronted his illness and his challenges with really just most inspirational faith and u a really remarkably optimistic positive special person his precious n should have an Aliyah and his wife and and beautiful children should find a somehow the strength to to endure okay we're on page the end of uh Paras the book of B midbar ends with the laws of the ear mlot the City of Refuge when a person murders accidentally which of course one needs to strictly Define what does it mean murder what does it mean accidentally which is not in the purview of our time this morning but when you define the criteria those who meet those criteria whom they are vulnerable to the loss of the life of the one who died being Avenged by their family so those individuals can run can flee to ear mlot a City of Refuge it's a safe space it's a very popular term in our generation safe space so mlad is a safe space for them to run to and they are Untouchable within the ear mlot there were six AR mlot three in Israel proper three outside of Israel even though the population outside of Israel was much less than the population inside of Israel so why did they need as many AR mlad as those inside Israel so the gamar notes because why did those who took up residents outside of Israel do so we talked about this in the par yesterday ruen got in half of Masha because they prioritized their their uh their material possessions they prioritized their professional ambition MC they had great livestock they saw east of theard as the perfect place the fertile land to be able to grow their business and so rather than put their Destiny with the Jewish people in Israel proper they instead they they instead took up residents outside and the gamar notes that when a person prioritizes in material possessions then ultimately it leads to Accidental murder in other words it undermines a sense of a mindful living it undermines a sense of spirituality accidents are more prone to happen when a person's values and priorities are are uh are not perfectly aligned in any case that's the topic of today this cities that were given to leim the six Cities of Refuge that were designated to flee there the one who murders accidentally and the say what is the connection between the ML and the City of the levim in other words in the paraa before we're told about the AR mikl we're told about the cities for the Lev levim were the original model of a community Colo they did not receive their own territory in the land of Israel like the other tribes rather they received cities designated within the territory of the other tribes why because rather than is rather than isolate the levim on their own God designed that they would be the role models they would have an influence among everyone else so what's the connection between the cities of and the Cities of Refuge the individual who flees and finds protection in the City of Refuge lives there dies there and is buried there why are they specifically buried in a city of the the whole reason the designation of a City of Refuge is to be protected from the family of the one who was killed avenging his blood by killing the murderer so the whole reason they're going to the City of Refuge is to find exactly that Refuge well once they die they don't need protection they're gone so why do they have to be buried there can't they be buried back with their family in a family plot here now and and again you know I'm I'm I don't like in the Amun you're studying something so particular to a paraa because it loses it shelf life until the next year that para so we're talking The General principles of amuna we're just using the para in order to connect to them but the general principles apply all year round and here the rabba points us to the key word within the P which is going to open our eyes to the entire story but really also open our eyes to what a life of amuna is all about the verse says that the City of Refuge is designated for the murderer to flee to the one the one who killed someone else and how did they kill someone else how did they come to that because they acted what the next two words they acted without we have to Define that word Das thoughtfulness mindfulness attentiveness they were not conscientious of what they were doing and therefore someone died as a result they didn't hate the person this wasn't a case of enmity this wasn't a case of conflict this wasn't a violent dispute this was simply a case of negligence can be called negligence bless you I think in American law you have this too right there's there's manslaughter and then there's what's it called if you killed by accident negligence negligence so this individual is not manslaughter they didn't premeditative kill someone else they didn't get along with but rather it's a case of negligence ask the critical question in this Para somebody kills by accident if it's simply negligence why are we calling him a murderer murderer suggests manslaughter a ro is somebody who spills the blood of another which implies which highly suggests manslaughter suggests a conscientious attempt premeditated attempt to murder this individual the axe flew off they weren't conscientious about how they did things and it was horrifically resulted in the death of another but why are they called a murderer so he says you could explain the whole thing based on the rambam's comment in that the moment a person clings to God at the moment a person is connected to God they have a Divine protection and nothing bad happens verak it's a very complicated idea again I think we talked about it last week having just come back from Poland we don't believe that all these righteous these innocent women children men they didn't lack Aus where was their sha on the way into the crematorium the stories I just uh by YY Jacobson I just if you watched that video that was posted in our group tells this unbelievable story of thousands of Jews at a mass grave and uh it was Friday afternoon going into Friday evening and the whole town which we saw in t coin and and in other towns tarell the Jews were all gathered to the main sho from there marched out to a mass pit till population Jewish population of an entire town was wiped out it was a Friday afternoon evening and the Nazis took a break and they were eating and they were drinking and one Jew stood up realizing what time of day and what was about to happen and started singing Shalom and the tune qu on and the next Jew joined him the next one joined him until thousands of Jews were singing Shalom the Nazis were irate and they told them to stop but they realized they had nothing to lose they were standing at this Mass pit because they were about to be murdered so they continued until the entire group thousands of Jews stand they in a mass pit greeted the shabas Queen by singing Shalom Alim and said they could take our bodies they could take our physical being but they can't take our soul our soul can still taste the taste of chabas the taste of the world to come that in the last moments of the life in this world they were going to taste the taste of the world to come he tells the story much more unbelievably I'm sure you could Google this he spoke at a dinner and um and two people two young boys ran away to the adjacent forest and got away and told and repeated that whole story having witnessed the entire thing so so where was their sha they're singing shal when we were in the gas chamber in aitz our incredible educator Dr Bernstein told us a story of that led everybody in the cramped entrance to the gas chamber in a declaration of and singing an in the way in that's B where was their so I don't believe that the r is talking about some easy fixed formula oh Havas everything in life is good no illness no infertility no sh problem no parasa problem no n problem from your children it's all on you and if you have any of those problems it's just because you lacked vus if you would learn to cling to the almighty if you'd learn to connect to God if you'd invest everything of yours in God how about mooso he didn't get into is he's devastated he's broken did he have vas there was no one greater one of the 13 principles our faith is that Moshe is categorically different than everyone who came before him and after him so I don't think the formula at least the way I interpret it because for me it's difficult to accept it at its simple level is meant to say if you have challenges or suffering or hardship in your life it's on you because you don't have the faith that you should have it's not as pure as it needs to be and if you have pure Faith ah Serenity Tranquility nothing goes wrong you have a perfect life Adar tells us that God visits hardship on the righteous so that they have a more direct route to the world to come and they experience whatever they need to in this world and that God visits why were the andos infertile why did they struggle God craves their prayers so we have a tradition of the most righteous those with the greatest vas those with the highest level of amuna who have the farthest thing from the simple Pleasant perfect tranquil life so I don't believe it's meant to be taken exactly literally again the way I always interpret it is the more we cling the pure our faith the more we feel the presence of God's guiding hand in our life the more we are empowered and enabled the more strength we have to endure and navigate whatever hardship we have in life it's as if we don't have it because we're able to accept it from a position of faith and if there's a break in that faith if there's an interruption in that connection now you are osed now you are vulnerable so look at your life and you'll see that the moments of greatest hardship when you felt broken and despondent the moments when you were pessimistic and gave up hope the moment when you were helpless and hopeless was when when you lacked the connection to the almighty when you began to doubt and feel uncertainty when you began to say maybe there really isn't meaning and Order and purpose to it all maybe it's random Maybe it's chance maybe it's statistical maybe it just is and maybe there's nothing that comes after and those are the moments that a person is most broken those are the moments that a person is most stuck those are the moments that a person is most down when you when you give up and when that sense of connection is broken and based on this we can understand what does it mean the individual had a Act of neg NE they murdered with negligence the Torah is specifically using that word the person lacked what is mindfulness of the presence of the almighty in our lives that God is always in the room with us he's watching us and watching over us he has expectations of us he's there to help us and support us but he's always there to the degree that a person lives with an awareness so the degree that a person lives with a mindfulness of the presence of Theon in their life is the degree to which their life is enriched they're much more mindful of everything that they do every morsel of food that they put in their mouth Every Act every thought every speech every decision if you live which is of course the highest level I don't mean to suggest this is simple leave the class okay you turn on the switch and now you're mindful of hm every moment of life hasem makes it hard his being Nar his being hidden makes it very difficult he's invisible you can't touch him and feel him and smell him talk to hear him you can't he makes it very challenging right it's it's hard it's hard but one lives with a sense of the mindfulness that hasem is always there they'll be much more conscientious of all that they do of all that they do right we all have children children who've broken precious things in our homes or cars or other items of value and we the children said like what what are you coming down on me it was an accident and what is the famous refrain that parents have coined there are accidents that didn't have to happen there are accidents that you couldn't control and then there are accidents that didn't have to happen I know it was an accident you didn't intentionally break my vase but you didn't have to have a football couch catch in the living room there are accidents that didn't have to happen so why do accidents that don't have to happen happen What made them not have to happen and why did they happen because of a lack of thought thoughtfulness of mindfulness we probably shouldn't be having a football catch in the living room around very expensive items this likely won't end well so is it an accident yeah it's an accident you didn't take your mom's vase and throw it against the wall and smash it in a million pieces it was an accident it was an innocent accident but even an innocent accident doesn't always have to happen so that's the isod that's the principle that SL Reb is developing here that the more mindful we are of hem and therefore conscientious in all that we do we will avoid accidents that didn't have to happen whether it's the accident that costs the life whether it's the accident of eating without a braa whether it's the accident of saying gossip that ends up being very hurtful to another whether it's the accident of making making poor decisions or displaying poor judgment whether it's the accident of engaging and self-destructive Behavior whether it's the accident of neglecting our body and our health and our well-being whether it's the accident of relationships because we make the there's a million in one examples but really amuna is an exercise in mindfulness because what is amuna amuna is to live with an awareness that there is a Creator there's an Almighty he's with me he has expectations of me he cares about me he loves me and he's always the there he's always in the room so now I have to make a different I have a moral dilemma of what to do I have a difficult decision to make if I know that God is looking over my shoulder he's always in the room you know I have to meet with the accountant before we leave next week it's tax time you know running out of extensions whenever I meet with my accountant I always tell them the same thing when there's a question about whether to take something as a deduction or what to do exactly I always say use the following guiding principle only do what you would do if the IRS agent were in the room while you were preparing the taxes I want you to push the envelope as far as you can I want you to save me as much money as you can but when something is questionable and you're deciding whether to do it or not the guiding principle is would you do it if the IRS agent were looking over your shoulder while you were preparing the taxes that's the guiding principle I learned that principle from somebody who said if you can't do it with your spouse in the room it's cheating what's cheating it's a big discussion today emotional affair a physical Affair flirting online connections what is the what is the definition of an affair today not our subject to now or maybe ever but somebody used to say it was a they were a member of the executive board and the executive board had decisions to make and and and she said to the executive board don't do anything that you wouldn't be able to do if the whole membership were in the room while we had to make this decision meaning even if you think something's in someone's best interest but if you wouldn't be able to do it if you couldn't defend it with the others in the room don't do it so I applied that principle to the case of the IRS but I think that's the case with the rebon if you feel that you're preparing the taxes the IRS agent is in the room with me you're going to bring a different level of diligence and vigilance to the preparation of those returns then if you think ah they never really look at it they don't really see it there's so many that are submitted how scrupulous can they really be how detailed can they really be and the same is true in life if you live life with like yeah there's a God there's no God maybe there's a consequence maybe I'm accountable maybe I'm not I'm sure he understands really I want to do this right now it'll be okay versus if you say Theon is in the room with me there's a camera it's always watching it's always recording but not from a punitive way not like big brothers watching from a loving way my parents is always in the room my spouse is always in the room and I love my spouse and I would never want to damage the relationship so I thought of this cute witty response to my cooworker of the opposite gender in a text message but you know what if my spouse saw it they would they wouldn't be very happy with it so I'm not writing it because if I wouldn't do it with them in the room I don't want to damage the relationship even if I can justify and explain it and I just mean it as a witty comment and I'm not flirting and I'm not whatever so that's what this is saying what does it mean d the definition of living a life with d with thoughtfulness with cognizance with awareness with mindfulness is to live a life with Theon the roof the AL is always in the room so whatever you're about to watch or read or listen to or say or do whatever decision you have to make whatever dilemma you have to resolve whatever relationship you have Hashem is always in the room and that's true for the good he's always there as a source of support he's always there to provide his wisdom and his shelter he's always there to help us get through it and to carry us but he's also always there and there's there's accountability there's consequences to what we do das is the knowledge that I'm living my life with Hashem and that's clinging to Hashem sticking with Hashem is a knowledge that he's always there I love them I've shared it before the definition of Tor in a number of places tells us and it's counted by some of the mon as a Mitzvah of you have to connect to hem what does that meanus cling to God what does that even mean how do you define cling to Godus what does it mean so the says you know what it means in modern Hebrew what's DEC glue glue you know what it means there's a new kid who comes to school moves to the neighborhood comes to school the first day and they're really nervous really nervous how do I fit in where do I go how will I connect with the cool kids so they know one kid in the school already they have one friend in the school they know him from camp and what does that friend existing friend say to the new kid just stick with me stick with me you'll be just fine stick with me I'll take care of you stick with me you'll be where you need to be everything will work out just fine just stick with me says the Like Glue God says whatever's going on in your life just stick with me stick with me I know this world I designed this world I built this world I run this world just stick with me stick with me it's not easy if you stick with that kid does it mean that you don't have hard tests in the classroom that you follow that kid too you have hard tests you have to take you have to study you have hard tests you have challenges you have difficulty it doesn't mean everything is simple even if you stick with that kid and if you stick with Hashem it doesn't mean that everything's simple but what it means is that you can let go let God you don't have to carry that anxiety and that worry where do I go what's next how will it work out what's going to be put all of that down give it a rest it's exhausting it's absolutely exhausting to carry all of that I've told the mush before also of the uh wagon driver who's driving by and there's a poor man on the side of the road walking and he asks if he could hit a ride the wagon driver says sure no problem I'm going to the same town I'm happy to give you a ride so the poor man takes all his bundles and climbs into the wagon and he's getting a ride and the driver turns around and notices that the man is still holding all of his bags and and and his possessions and his sacks why why don't you put them down so the poor man says to the driver listen I feel bad it's it's bad enough that you're giving me a ride I would feel terrible that you'd have to give a ride to my bags also so I'm just holding them the Bon driver says that's ridiculous once you're going along for the ride you might as well you might as well put them down and that's our attitude with going for the ride you might as well put down the baggage it just gets heavier and heavier the longer that you hold it the longer you hold on to it it's the professor who stood in the front of a classroom and held up a beaker of water and asked the students how much does this Beaker of water weigh 3 o 5 o one pound 3 PB all the students start to guess the professor says you're all right how can you all be right it's an objective answer you put it on a scale what is the what is it way he said no you're all right it all depends on how long I hold it the longer I hold it the heavier it feels and the truth is the same with our anxiety and our worry and our fears and the uncertainty the longer we hold on to them the heavier they feel the more they weigh us down so put them downa say cling to Hashem what's going to be what's going to happen with our children with our health with our parnasa with the world with Israel with Kone with what's going to be you know what all I can live is right now I live in this moment this is the moment I have I'm not yet up to tomorrow and I'm already Beyond yesterday so the more I'm carrying the baggage of yesterday the more it's weighing me down from what I need to do today and the more I'm carrying the baggage of worrying about tomorrow the more it's worrying me down from what I need to do today all I have is the here and now all I have is the present all I have is the today so I'm going to sacrifice and forfeit the today because I'm still carrying the baggage of yesterday or I'm worried about tomorrow that makes sense makes no sense at all you have to live each day to its fullest and only have to know what do I have to do today so what happened yesterday and what I'm worried about tomorrow can inform what I need to do today I'm not advocating carpedm do what you want live life it's fleeting just pursue pleasure cuz who knows what will be I'm not advocating that yes what happened yesterday and what will be tomorrow should should inform what I do today but the only Dimension I live in is today that's the only Dimension I exist in so I'm going to Forfeit today many older people lose the present because they're stuck in the past they tell you all about what their life used to be like and where they used to live and what they're uppr what they child and what about now you know you're still alive you're still breathing you still have of opportunity why you stuck in the past you're giving up your present and many young people give up their present because they're so worried about the future we I'm going to get into C I get into Israel I going to get to College where am I going to marry what am I going to do for a living where am I going to what about today what about who you are today so everyone's in the past or the future and they forfeit the present the present is what we have so how do you live in the Pres in the present taka the past has a lot of regrets a lot of memories a lot of nostalgia it's hard to move on the future has a lot of uncertainty and a lot of of doubt it has a lot of anxiety and a lot of stress how do you not fixate on it and the answer to all of it is it's amuna when you say you know what I'm the new kid on the Block every day every day presents a new day for me I'm a new kid and God said you know what stick with me I got your back stick with me I've got your back if you stick with me it doesn't mean you're not going to have to go into a classroom with hard work and hard tests but it means that you're in the right place and you're doing what you have to do and every day do what you have to do because all you have is that day and all you can do is get to the end of that day and you'll worry about tomorrow when you get tomorrow I promise you it'll be there waiting for you so Deus is De glue Hashem says stick with me and that's our mission that's our mandate to live with amuna is every single day to feel hashem's guiding hand on our shoulder his loving Embrace to feel his presence his comforting presence have to go to the doctor hasm is in the waiting room room with us you have to go to work Hashem is at work overcoming whatever obstacles there challenges at home Hashem is right there helping us through those challenges at home we should turn once in a while and thank him since he is in the room with us it would be rude not to thank him every now and then but D so how did it result coming back to the ear mikl says how did this result how did this result come about the person was killed by accident you know why negligence is living a life without thoughtfulness of Hashem that's negligence to not be mindful of hashem's presence in our life to not cling to God to not stick with him that's an act of negligence it's a gr Act of gross negligence because if you would have been mindful there's Aon where does he want me to go now what does he want me to do now how does he want me to decide this what is the Judgment he expects me to show if you live with that level of thoughtfulness and mindfulness the level of Consciousness and conscientiousness then you would never come to these accidents that didn't happen have to happen so the accident that didn't have to happen happened because a neglect of the amuna and the Deus that we were capable of H having so a life of amuna is not just you know there's some Mitzvah which take a lot of sacrifice and it's hard to explain what we get out of it check your clothing for shess okay I got to find the shess Checker and drive my clothing there and pay them and then deal with the fact that my jacket's falling apart afterwards and what do I get out of it I'm not really sure I know that there's no wool and linen mixture in my jacket and okay it's hard some mitzvas where it's hard what I get out of it is the relationship that I was willing to do something that I didn't really understand and boy my relationship was enhanced by that that's what I get out of it but amuna is not one of those Mitzvah like cling to Hashem and you know it's a lot of effort and you don't really understand why you do you see the results the people who live with auna the happiest people because where does unhappiness often come from it comes from anxious ious and anxiety stress I just read an article about research that was done that shows that for many people anxiety translates into anger so people who lash out at their spouse at their children people who have no patience and anger at the root and core of that often is Stress and Anxiety they're worried there's a lot on their place there's a lot of stress and rather than honor those feelings and work them out they just become impatient and they lash out and it comes out as anger so if you were able to resolve the anxiety and the stress not only with your blood pressure and your glucose levels and your cholesterol and your mental and physical well-being improved your relationships would improve be happy the biggest obstacle to happiness is worry and fear and anxiety so if you could put all those bundles down in the wagon if you could finally put that Beaker down before it weighs a million pounds and you could let go and say you know what I can only do what I can do right now I'm doing my best in life that which is beyond my control I'm not going to worry about cuz worrying by the way did worry ever improve anything for anyone did worry ever change the outcome you know I took a biopsy and it was going to be uh terrible but I did a lot of worrying and bar all that worrying really transformed the uh the tumor Did anyone say you know there was no money in the bank account I wasn't sure I was going to pay the bills but I sat on the couch crying and worrying and lo and behold I checked my app and look at that there was money there to pay the bills I'm stuck in traffic I'm gonna be late to this important meeting I sat there worrying and banging the steering wheel and lo and behold it opened up for me worry never ever did anything in fact worry actually does the opposite it compounds your problems because when you worry you make worse decisions and when you worry you push away the people closest to you and when you worry you just make things worse not better so what's the antidote to worry Deus amuna whatever is happening is meant to be there's meaning and Order and purpose to the universe whether I understand it or not I have my marching orders what I need to do today and I can't start worrying about tomorrow or next week or next month or next year because that's beyond my capacity to influence I can only worry about what I can influence so it's legitimate for me to worry about well I give a good Russa the shabas why because it's up to me to put in the time and to do what I need to do to give a good Russa and that worry is a healthy worry because that worry is going to motivate me to do what I have to do if I worry am I going to go to the doctors I need to go to or I worry about the fact that if I got bad Labs will I lose weight will I exercise will I eat right that's a healthy worry because that's a worry that stimulates personal growth but the worry of things that are Beyond My Control well what if I exercise and eat right but I still don't lose weight that worry is going to help you the worry about the things that are beyond our control only compounds whatever obstacle we're trying to circumvent whatever we're trying to overcome and what's the antidote to worry how can you have greater happiness in life simply it's called vas it's called vas I learned this most point last week I had a phenomenal meeting with somebody I learned so much from people that I get to meet with that's why I have the greatest job in the world I met with somebody who is not in our community who used to be I'm close with and he said a very Rocky Road healthwise divorced twice and and financially he said to me Rabbi I have less than I've ever had I'm happier than I've ever been I said wow that's what a statement I have less than I've ever had and I'm happier than I've ever been H how do you explain that what do you mean he said it's simple it's two things I've learned to be mindful he said I used to worry I was a really anxious person and that stress was the source of a lot of the reason that I am where I am now created my financial problems it hurt my relationships and it hurt my health he said but I've learned to both be mindful not to project out to the future but just live in the moment and I've learned that hasem has a plan and that even with everything I've experienced and suffered Hashem always has a plan there's always a reason there's always a plan and the combination of leaning on Hashem and being mindful has resulted in my having less than I've ever had but being happier than I've ever been it's like wow do you want to give the the shabas you know unbelievable so how does a person achieve that right we don't want to have to get to that point to have less than we've ever had to be happier than we've ever been can I have more than I've ever had and be happier than I've ever been I think Hashem says yeah you can but just show me that you could be happier than you've ever been with more with more so D what does it mean that this individual had an act of negligence what was the B the negligence is a lack of mindfulness of awareness of living with the presence of Hashem in their life when you stop clinging to Hashem that's when the problem s come not that the problems didn't exist if you'd cling to Hashem but it means the problems come cuz you don't have the tools to to engage them how do you deal with the livelihood challenges and how do you deal with the health challenges and how do you deal with the relationship challenges and how do you deal with the N challenges if you don't have the tools and what's the tool so the kid comes to school they don't know anyone and no one says stick with me now they're anxious they're nervous and where do I go and I'm the right classroom and I right cloud and where do I sit at lunch and what do I do for gym and how do I homework and which teacher do you have to study the hardest for in the moment that some kid says just stick with me I'll tell you which teacher you have to do this for and which kids to sit with and how you do a gym and so now all of a sudden you say ooo I have a lot of work to do today I still have to go to school doesn't mean I don't have to go to school anymore but I have someone I could stick with I'm relieved gives a sense of relief well whatever we're going through in life we can have the greatest sense of relief take a deep breath and feel relieved why CU cling and stick with hem live with a sense of d we're in the next paragraph and the advice to go to the the city of the says the following when you have a hardship don't keep it to yourself some people are very private people they're going through a challenge and they want to keep it private but the gamar says if you have a hardship you should share it why should you share it because the more people who are doing for you the more people who are advocating for you the bigger an impact in other words if you keep your challenge private and you're ding to hasem make this challenge go away then Hashem says well let me get your file are you worthy are you unworthy how important is it to keep you around but now you have hundreds thousands you have dozens you have tens you have others doing for you Hashem says wow now I'm getting the pressure of the whole crowd now the outcome of what I'm going to do is not just going to influence the individual but now the decision of how I treat them is going to have an impact on all of these people now I've got to weigh the decision differently now I'm deciding how to treat this person not just on their file their merits and demerits but based on the collective merits and demerits of all the people who are advocating for him and that's the idea of our collectively saying to Hill and earning earning the merits for people that we love who are saying to Hashem Hashem you're not just influencing that person it's all of us and we need him so maybe you think he for himself whatever outcome you had planned but we are protesting because we collectively need him I don't know if you know the role that he plays in our lives she plays in our lives so therefore the G says tell the problem to the masses says it doesn't say in the masses will ask for compassion on his behalf doesn't say but what it means is reinterpreting this statement in what it means is not tell the masses and the masses will add your name to the tum list what it means is attach yourself to people who live withus and that attachment to those people will itself bring you the fact that you're clinging to those who have faith their faith will rub off on you and that is the r the Great compassion you can have is to put down the worry the anxiety the stress to know whatever is happening is happening for a reason you're not just a result of Randomness or a statistic that there's a reason for everything and that itself is the most compassionate thing you know the hardest thing in life is to go through life trying to understand why but if someone said to you this is why you'd say okay if a doctor someone randomly comes up to you with a knife and cuts you open you scream out you yell why but if the doctor says you have a disease and I'm going to take it out and it's going to heal you you say bakas wow I understand does it make it not painful it's still painful but now you're prepared to do it and you welcome it because you understand that it's for your benefit so if you attach yourself to those who are clinging to Hashem and the result is that Amun is contagious because am is contagious when you hang around people and so on amuna is contagious it's contagious when you hang around cynics when you hang around sarcastic people when you hang around doubters that's also contagious seeps in eventually you start saying you know what maybe they're right maybe this whole thing is a fraud it's the Opium of the masses maybe this whole thing is ludicrous maybe this whole thing is unsophisticated and when you hang out with people who have auna they lift you it's like a the ocean you know the The Tide Rises and Falls they lift you that's why it's so critically important to decide who we hang out with who we hang out with so now we understand that this person who murdered by accident it was an accident didn't have to happen why did it happen it happened because they lacked a mindfulness so where do you go now we understand the antidote so the person who lacked mindfulness of hasem and therefore had this accident that could have been avoided what happens to them they go to an ear mlad an ear mlad is it's called an ear leim why cuz who are the mentors and the teachers in near mlad is not just a City of Refuge like it's a great uh um not Four Seasons what was that Resort people used to belong to a club Club Med ear mot's not Club Med the ear mlot is rehab the ear mlot is rehab why do you go to an ear mlot what kind of rehab do you undergo you learn to have mindfulness for Hashem and who is positioned to teach you about how to live a life of mindfulness for hasem which people the leim and that's the connection of the ear lvim to the ear mlot and that's why you go there and that's your antidote the T the name Ley is like a laa a Leva is you escort the deceased person to the next world but it's also someone visits your home you're obligated to be malav them Le is to escort them out of your home d you have to walk with them outside your home it's a tremendously critically important value even more than the food Peck you give them to take home The Leftovers is that you don't send them home alone you have to walk them out I always describe when Klein used to eat at our house every Friday night we went through the same routine every Friday I would walk him home and I'd want to make sure he got inside then he would walk me outside then I want to make sure he got inside then he insisted walking me outside and we had this uh every Friday night we had the same routine so you have to that's the name la those who are Le those who are the Le and that includes Kohan Kohan come from the tribe of Le their job is to be Mal they escort the Jewish people there are teachers there are mentors there are rabbis there are Role Models like the r right shave Le that's why they're given these cities shave Le is the original model of a community so this individual he climbs a ladder and he drops paint on someone and kills them he Swings with an axe on the head goes flying off and it kills someone he says it was an aent didn't mean it God forbid it's not manslaughter I love that person I'm not fighting with them I'm I'm devastated by what happened we say you know why happened what happened because you were living with negligence you weren't mindful in what you were doing where is the place you can go where is the rehab where is the intense living quarters where you learn mindfulness go live with the they're Mal they'll teach you what it leads what it means to live a life of Da what it means to live a life of mindfulness what it means to feel the presence of Hashem in your in your life we're out of time but this is how he explains the whole thing I'll just tell you look on the left hand column third paragraph This is at the base of Rah and the is the this is how he explains why are there six because there are six words in the when a person lives with the knowledge with the mindfulness with the awareness there's a God who runs the universe ra that ear I love that if you need an ear michet in your life you say you know what I need some Refuge I can't take it I'm struggling I'm suffering I'm suffocating I can't take one more piece of bad news of somebody close to you dying or getting sick or having challenges I I can't take it I'm crumbling I can't I'm worried about myself my children my life what will be so where's are IR mlot where's our IR mlot where can I go where can I hide where can I find some Refuge from it all said the is the you know where ml is there are sixl you know what those six are go concentrate on those words go spend time thinking about that there's a plan there's meaning there's purpose there's order to the universe there's Aon that whatever is happening around you no matter hard no matter how difficult it's not random it's not chance there's a reason go find strength and go find support go find by saying sh over and over and over again those six words are our ear mikl that's our ear ml in the strength of the clarity of our faith and that's what saves us why do you go to the m cuz you're saved well who's pursuing us that we need to be saved you know who's pursuing us to kill us thear to be stressed out theara for anxiety is trying to kill us it's trying to raise our blood pressure it's trying to ruin our relationships it's trying to kill us and where is our ear Refuge our ear mlad our City of Refuge that we can run to and find Refuge from that that that's trying to kill us the it's a life of Das it's a life of amuna it's a life ofus it's a beautiful piece I'm sorry we didn't get to see all of it you can continue to study it and this is our last time for a little while but this is the message of of working out that amuna muscle put it down the heavier hold on to it the longer you hold on to it the heavier it becomes we're along for the ride anyway you might as well put it down it's not going to make the wagon any heavier for the driver the driver's driving the wagon the sooner we realize the driver's driving the wagon that ain't OD mil V that he's in charge I I went last night I was I was learning with Brian Gab the in the lak with Cola Miami Beach last night and over the Aron are the words I'd never seen that I've seen manys and many Ares and many have we have I've never seen those words I love it I want to make a magnet bumper stickers and to put it on our our bathroom mirror and our kitchen refrigerator and the car dashboard and where wherever we are in life that we lose our patients and that we begin to worry it should be in doctor's waiting rooms and it should come back with every lab report on all of that should be the words a mil a mil if you have a mil on the lab report does it mean every lab report will be will be wonderful news no it doesn't if you have it on the fridge does it mean the food won't spoil or that they'll always be overflowing with the with Delicacies no it may mean you're not sure where you're going to pay for the next meal but what it does is it gives us the strength it gives us the kak to put all the heavy bag down and to live life and to get to that madrea of this incredibly special person who said to me I have less than I've ever had and I'm happier than I've ever been so wishing everyone a phenomenal summer and maail summer a summer of an mil and that we should only hear boros toos