Part 43: Like a Parent Loves a Child

okay good morning everyone goodes please feel free to take a coffee or donut even in the middle of our we're on page four starting the second mimer the M sh and of the Shalom made our way through M we should be very proud our learning is as always dedicated and I appreciate everyone's flexibility uh coming here the manager of the home we were meeting in said that we can't meet there for the next several weeks so uh what can I tell you page four are two things which really are one we turn into is really only complete when it's accompanied by we use these words interchangeably mistakenly we talk about amuna living with amuna living with do you have but they're two different words which indicates that they're two different ideas and Concepts they're not interchangeable the greatness of we have number of for example right it's not just a catchy tune it's a beautiful P what do the words mean blessed is the person who will in the in the future who will what is translate trust in hasem places his trust in hem which of course begs the question what's the difference between who will trust inem and what's the difference between the two hold that question those who trust in like will be able to dwell there forever the power of it gives us strength it gives us courage it gives us power it gives us bravery support in every incident in every in every possible scenario in life in order to understand this where is the SM from where do we derive a right to trust in Hashem to trust that Hashem will answer our heart so we studied this a little bit just to remind you when we began the class a while ago we started the for which is really numerous essays most of them not on this topic but some on the topic of and the to find there we've said it a number of times it's so important to remember is not I want a so badly that I trust Hashem will provide a I want so and so to get better I trust Hashem will make them better I want that job I trust Hashem will give me that job I want that spouse I trust Hashem will give me that spouse I want something trivial I want the Yankees to win the World Ser I trust hem will make the Yankees win the World Series from something significant to something trivial bet is not I want something so badly and I trust Hashem so much that I trust he'll provide that which I want so badly because if that's the case are you really trusting in Hashem in whom are you really putting your faith yourself in your interpretation and your analysis and your understanding of the world and what's best for you I think this is best for me the spouse this child this job this home this I think this is best for me God I want you to accommodate I want you to conform to my understanding of the world says the that's not that's in yourself you know what inem is it's much much harder that false counterfeit that's easy to walk around I want x i hm is going to make it happen for me this is my year Hashem is going to make exactly what I want what I need this is that's a counterfeit and you also set yourself up for horrific disappointment when it doesn't work out well what happened Hashem was supposed to make things happen the way you want you were in charge Hashem jumps to your call so says the that's counterfeit what's authentic genuine when you say look here's my understanding of the world of my world here's what I think is best for me but you know what I'm not in charge I'm finite I have a limited view I have a limited understanding Theon Shalom the almighty he's infinite he's omnipotent he sees all if it's a choice between his way of doing things for my best or my way of doing things for my best I'm going to go with his way of doing things for the best and so is I will express my initiative I will take my do Myas I will do everything I can to pursue what I think is best but in the end of the day my b means that whatever happens I accept it for my best everything that God does is for the good period sometimes it's painful painful doesn't mean not for the good and shabas somebody came up to me who reminded me that it's now a year from when there was a crisis in their marriage where it seemed like there was no hope whatever the incident which I'm not going to get into that precipitated a major crisis that looked like like it was the end and this individual remembers saying Bening a year ago putting entire heart into the hope that maybe maybe maybe there was something left and because to the credit of the couple who put in an enormous amount of work with great humility a year later their marriage is better than it ever was before the crisis and in benching rodes a year later it came up to me with tears in his eyes and said you know when I went through that that was the most painful thing I thought in my entire life and a year later I see that that was the best thing that ever happened to me best thing that ever happened had it not happened would have been going through life with a fake whatever I'm giving it as example sometimes in life a year later we're blessed to say that was the best thing that ever happened to me sometimes the rest of our life we look back and say I don't know why that had to happen to me that didn't have to happen to me that was the most painful unfair unjust thing that ever happened ever I'm not suggesting that b means that we ever Merit to get to a place in life where we deserve an explanation where we come to an understanding sometimes we do if we're humble enough and we can look back and we live life with appreciation many times I think we do and sometimes we don't but is not that counterfeit easy yeah God will do what I want it's that whatever God chooses I do I will pursue what I think is best but whatever God chooses in the end it's I'm on him is trust in Israel is security why is it called security you trust security to take care of you is a a a person makes a what's a is a promise I make a promise to you you trust my promise it's all about trust so is I trust that Hashem has my best interest in mine it you're going to take care of it trust me what's the question bet of course I'm going to take care of absolutely and and God is our parent and the same way that we as parents do things that sometimes our children don't appreciate you can't go to that event Saturday night you can't go out dress like that you need to wake up and come to sh with me why do you hate me why do you want to ruin my life why do you want to cause me such pain you don't understand how miserable you're making me and you say look I hear all of that you think all that's for your best I love you more than you could ever know and I'm doing this for your best even if it's painful for you at the moment that's what we know as parents so is our parent and he too does things for us that we say why would you cause me such pain why are you doing this to me please he says I know it's painful but I'm your father and trust me I'm doing it for your best interest most powerful things in my entire life happened yah when Martin juditz our our wonderful beloved Martin who spoke and told his story and when I asked him in that conversation how did you maintain Faith how did you connect and he said it's not he had like some I was thinking about it afterwards you know it's not like he had some press agent who said this would be a great answer for that question you know let's work it through and come up with a great answer and it's not like he was like oh you know I I'm going to Tweet this let me Facebook this this is a great answer it was with such humility so humbly he said I lost my real parents I lost everybody I knew what was I going to lose my my one last father my ainu Mau it it was unbelievable it was an unbelievable affirmation of Faith so says the in the form of a question who says we're entitled to trust that everything hem is doing that he's you know I look at our survivors they they are they they I shouldn't say because that's not fair that comes from a guilt perspective it's not that they obligate us it's that they Empower us and they us support and strength to realize whatever the challenge in our life every Survivor single-handedly went through all the assern of everyone we know today combined right we know somebody goes through one tragedy and and our heart goes out to them in unimaginable ways unimaginable ways the loss of a child the loss of a premature loss of a parent of a spouse of a car accident a tragedy a murder a suicide whatever it is our heart we can't imagine one every Survivor went through that times everyone they knew it's just and yet if they can put one foot in front of the other and rebuild and have faith they they are a pillar for they're a source of support so what is the difference between says sorry just read that right the is borrowing from the ramb from from who's the group who sing this song I don't remember the Jewish music group but the uh the sler says amuna amuna is about hashem's existence is it is's existence he's the creator of all of creation who he alone he created he creates he will create everything that exists exists only because hem wills it he's unique he's singular he's alone there's nothing else like him and Amun in hashem's Providence so amuna is about hm's existence he is the creator he is the first cause we Trace everything back to him he is the source of all is that within hashem's existence is not just he exists and he created but he watches from AAR God doesn't observe from a distance God didn't create and move on God is not just the Creator but he continues to interact he continues to direct to supervise he continues to intervene and here the sler is alluding to the fact that this is his opinion not everybody agrees that the entire world universally non-jews too can have amuna God is the source of all but the notion of that I trust in my father that he's a father that is exclusive to the Jewish people the knowledge that God exists if you're unworthy doesn't help you it's nice you have that knowledge that's good it's the correct knowledge you've come to the correct conclusion but means an attitude in the relationship with Hashem that says you know God I'm So Unworthy I'm pathetic I have ignored you I have neglected our relationship I'm pathetic but I know I have I trust that you're my father you know a child in a time of need comes to a parent and in their crisis no matter how alienated how distant how much they've neglected the parent in that child's kishkas is the belief the hope the trust that you know what my parent in the end of the day loves me I'm a piece of them they'll be there for me I can lean on them when I need them right you int intuitively instinctively turn to a parent trust in a parent B is cultivating within ourselves that Hashem is my tati Hashem is my father that Hashem is my mother Shem is neither it's whatever image works best for you it's no it's egalitarian there's no feminist motivation but you want to think of him as a father you want to think of him as a mother we actually have one place I think it's a med orami which depicts Hashem as a mother we often describe him as a father whatever you want but he's a parent he's our parent and as a parent who no matter what the child has done the parent wants to forgive wants to see the best in the child wants to go above and beyond for the child the same is true in hashem's relationship with us samun is in the abstract in the abstract Amun is a conclusion of a philosophical discussion is there a god absolutely we've discussed in the past I'm not going to rehash it the evidence that there's a Creator the evidence of hashem's existence amuna is I believe I have eved the conclusion of I've come to there is a God B is not just that there's a God not just in the abstract philosophically but he's my father it's not just like oh let's talk about human beings and do we come from nowhere and every human has to have a parent okay good I can close the textbook I guess I have a parent because philosophically scientifically biologically we've concluded that everybody has to have a parent but that doesn't speak to my knowing my parents to my loving my parents to my trusting my parents is knowing that I'm hashem's child and knowing that no matter where I am in my relationship with him I can lean on him just like the mitvah appears in the Torah in fact in the first of the Ten Commandments where it says as the ra the foundation of Foundations the pillar of all wisdom to know that there is a first cause he is the cause of all else and to know this is a positive commandment and discussed this at the very beginning of the first M the idea that this Mitzvah is unlike all other Mitzvah every other Mitzvah I put a check Chau for check lul of check fill in check can check Amun is not just a check amuna is what empowers all the Mitzvah together if you don't have a check next to Amun the other checks are really somewhat meaningless but the first Mitzvah or the Mitzvah which is the first of the is think I found it so within the first is the obligation to live with Amun to go through the philosophical exercise to come to the conclusion that there's hem but within that is also to move a save her Ezra the izra who I think was they say was a son-in-law ofi maybe it was a relative of a cousin of RI there's a big discussioni is the author of the kar is doing a report on him right now if you want to know more about him come to her in a day or two so Le the great Spanish poet and Scholar he lived I think the 12th 13th century was the author of The kuari he wrote many of the um keynot we recite on Tish including the famous Ali so the asked why does God introduce himself to us as nice to meet you I'm the God took you out of Egypt what's more impressive that God liberated us from Egypt or or that God created the world X something from nothing we don't even know what that means nothing something from nothing we created something from something you go to H Depot you go to Lowe's you buy the materials you create you have a child we're blessed with the chemistry to be able to make the child we create something from something we can't even understand comprehend what it means to be able to create something from nothing that's the greatest thing that K has ever done it's the most impressive thing on his resume to be able to create something from nothing so why does Hashem ask izra to Lei why did hasem introduce himself to us at Hari nice to meet you I'm glad we're finally talking I'd like to introduce myself I am the Lord your God I took you out of Egypt first of all don't they just know that they just came out of Egypt they just saw 10 plagues they just saw the splitting of the sea they know that he's the one who took them out of Egypt why doesn't he refer to the more impressive thing on his resume I'm God see the entire world I created it all you have a beginning and an end I am infinite why does he introduce himself with the L impressive thing so the the answer says qu's answer is that within is why did he choose to introduce himself as I took you out of Egypt because what he was saying was I'm God I'm the Creator the abstract philosophy I created the whole world I'm the source of all that exists but I'm also involved in your life I didn't just create right as we've said so many times the painter Paints the painting and moves on the architect designs the building and moves on the author writes the book and moves on just because you've read someone's amazing book doesn't mean you have a relationship with the author just because you went to uh uh the Lou and you saw the monol Lisa doesn't mean that you know it's who painted the monol Lisa D Vinci doesn't mean that you know D Vinci just because you so just because amuna you know that Hashem created everything and you can admire his Canadian Rockies and and the Alps and the Grand Canyon doesn't mean that you know him so that's whyem says no you do know me not just it's not just amuna don't just come to the conclusion I exist in the abstract and wow you've admired my creation I'm involved in your life I took you out of Egypt that was me I was there right behind you I chose you even while you were yet unworthy this is so relevant to right now the period in which we find ourselves between p and Sh when we left Egypt we were unworthy we were saturated in the 49th level of Tuma the decadence the depravity the Lous the immorality the corruption of Egypt had left its impact on us we too thought like Egyptians we were walking like Egyptians right we were we were corrupt in our thinking immoral in our in our attitude in our approach in our behavior and yet Hashem said you're my children you're my children I don't care how far you've strayed what you look like you're my children I was reading uh I've alluded to the wonderful biography of hen Maas Shalom so I think somewhat courageously the family put a chapter in the book about her parenting so that's easy her wonderful lessons of parenting Henny's top whatever parenting lessons then they get to the part about her off the Der daughter she took a lot of Courage about her daughter who had been off the D and they write about it and then the daughter herself submits something in the book describing her mother I thought this was so powerful for parents she says that she knew that you know what what does it mean she was off the DK was not just religiously she was involved in drugs she was involved in all kinds of all kinds of dangerous behaviors and she knew they didn't meet her mother's approval her mother was not shy to offer her feedback on the lifestyle the dangers of the lifestyle and so on but her mother had an unconditional love as a mother and so so her mother she describes that um she once snuck out and went to a lot with friends for 3 days and didn't get in touch with her parents when she finally came home her mother said you know I was worried sick about you I didn't sleep in two nights I said to hm non-stop you can't do that then she said how was the trip what' you do was it fun right so that degree of the unconditional love but she describes that you know her mother was a very very religious woman and she started wearing pants and started dressing less modestly and when she would appear with her mother somewhere her mother never introduced her differently than the other children never shied away never introduced her differently than she had when she dressed like a bakov girl and she would say this is my daughter and I love her and she's so amazing you have to get to know her and she she felt as loved and accepted by her mother no matter what lifestyle she was living at any time I think there's a lot of insight and parenting in that in that this daughter eventually though not every time does it work out that way okay not every time does it work out that way but we never also know people's stories are not over the chapters are yet Unwritten um and it's the right way to behave even if it doesn't work out the way we want it's the it's the correct nonetheless um in her case it worked out but I think that that when I when when I see this in the SL it reminds me of that story The being in the mear so you're doing drugs and drinking you dropped out of school you're dressing in modestly you whatever but it's a mother loves a child unconditionally wants to introduce her as my incredible child and she's so amazing and I'm so proud of her and so on and so forth soem says you're in the this is B this is my son my the Jewish people even while we were in that lowly State a parent loves a child no matter what state they're in and that's the imagery that's the imagery for us is both Vis A our own children and our own parenting but also as children of Hashem sometimes we feel unworthy we feel alienated we feel you know what I'm not perfect I don't do things right so what's the point what's the point in doing the other things we have to realize hashem's our father hashem's our father I think a lot of teachers have done a poor job of trying to create a Judaism which is scary do the right thing lightning is going to strike do the right thing or things aren't going to work out the way you want them to do the right thing and that's such a disservice that's not Hashem it's not the way Hashem wants us to see him as a scary parent Shem is forgiving over and over and over and over and over and over again for a parent you know a spouse you violate a spouse's trust you get a point point where it's one too many times how many times can they forgive how many times can they be promised next time we'll be better and unfortunately their marriage would become irreparable but parents I don't know if you ever reach that limit no matter how bad it gets the parent wants to believe that the next time that the child says say this time I mean it the parent wants to accept that that's our father Hashem he's never done next time you say you know what it's it turn it over it's roses e this is by R this is my month I'm going to behave I'm going to start doing X Y and Z this is it says great I believe in you I trust you let me introduce you to my friends the Angels this is my amazing child even though they're in the me so it's a total paradigm shift from relating to a god who's scary and punitive and accountable and going to strike us down and a a religion based on fear to a religion based on awe admiration and love Shem loves us the Christians took that bumper sticker from us but that was ours before it was ever theirs Hashem loves you he loves you he loves you more than you love yourself he loves you he's more forgiving of you than you're forgiving of yourself he wants you to come back back and do the right thing more than we want to so no matter what our state and that's the period we're in that we should feel that love we just came out of we just came out of it's p we're counting down to where we're supposed to be the says how many weeks are there between p and seven weeks it's 49 days we climb out of level each level of T each day and there's seven weeks there's a beautiful book that H gave out tuna group last year it's an app you don't have to get on the book it's a free app on your phone I forgot what it's called not only every day of SPH does it remind you to count but it's a beautiful literally three four sentence message of each day of SP what the cabala you know the the each week has a cabalistic theme and each day within each week has one so each day has its own unique theme that we're supposed to be working on and growing on my om m y m e r go to the App Store and download it excellent excellent I should get a cut I've been promoting this person's book and app every year it's excellent excellent so every day we're supposed to climb out the says seven weeks between p and sh why what does the number seven remind you of a woman to count seven clean days before she goes to the Mikvah shu is our M why do you go to the Mikvah before you get married so the bride counts seven clean days then the bride goes to the Mikvah and then comes to the wedding so we too held the mountain over our heads is our with it's our marriage is our marriage we go to the Mikvah before the wedding and we count seven clean weeks these weeks are weeks in which we're cleansing ourselves in which we're trying to be clean in which we're trying to purify ourselves that's why the the the um corbon on PES the corbon the second day of PES is made from barley barley flour it's a carbon from barley Barley's animal food animal fod sh is the it's loaves of bread you ever see an animal bake a loaf of bread only a human being can plant can plow plant Harvest thresh grind need bake all the 13 steps I think of uh the sidur the pass only a human being so is a human food the idea is We Go From The Barley offering from being animals to sh becoming human beings in control dignified disciplined so this is the period we were in a lowly State and Hashem loves us no matter what he trusts us he believes in us but this is the time to be growing every day climbing climbing climbing because we want to give our father n want to make Hashem proud is there Greater Joy in the world than giving Nas to your parent giving to your parent page five so included within is amuna is philosophical abstract there's a God there's a God created the whole world he's the B he's the he's everything God is the source of all period abstract philosophical within that is I'm his son I'm his daughter he's my father he's my tati dad you know when you talk to Hashem when you start practicing his bodus H I'm H kick because I was reading the book again I started actually on uh last sh last shabas I I um in addition to the at the shabas table had my kid each read a read a story each shabas read a story you read a story could be it could be whatever other side that it'ss these are real people something which is incredibly inspiring so she used to spend however many hours a day her daving she also did an hour of his a day an hour of just talking to God I try it three minutes in I I it's hard it's best when you're driving turn the phone off turn the radio off just start talking to Hashem so don't say Hashem say Dad Dad you know you call your parent new how are you what' you do today how are you feeling let me tell you about my life tell you about the children the grandchildren let me tell you about the challenge or how I overcame it or what I can give youas just talk to hem talk to him he's he's a he's our father he's our mother talk to as a as a parent is the abstract is wherever we think we are whatever level we think we're on however unworthy we feel we're not on a lower level than the Jews were coming out of Egypt and hasem at that moment called them and that's what he does for us as well when God Taps Moshe and says go you're going to be the ambassador to take them out of Egypt Moshe says not they're not going to believe it they're not going to accept it how could it be these were the children of Tru on a low level in Egypt but these are come on they didn't have auna how could it be how could mosha accuse them of that amazing so what's when mosha accuses the Jewish people they don't believe what do you mean they don't believe these are the children of how could you accuse them of not believing says the SL they had a they knew there was a God he created the whole world but hasem had not yet said you're my child you're my they didn't have the because they had not yet been given the promise the I'll always be there with you and that's why they reacted that way and he ends this section and we end with this unbelievable statement we say someone who doesn't believe we call them a kofer and not be clear it's a kofer a heretic you're a heretic you don't believe in God says the sler quoted the saas theb that you know if you believe in God but you don't believe is involved in your life you're also heretic you think that you've reached this wonderful level that you believe there's a God he created the world I imagine there's a something bigger than myself out there but if you don't recognize that he just doesn't out not just out there but he's in your life that's also a form of heresy because for us as Jews it's not just amuna there's a within the amuna it's Amun it's not only that hasm exists but to know that the parking spot the red light the job the W the everything that works out doesn't work out things go well the way they're supposed to don't go the way they're it's all from Hashem it's all for a reason it's all G there is a reason there's a reason we begin to flip out we begin to get angry and then we realize it's what's meant to be that's what it's meant to be so a dear friend of mine was flying back last night they printed on his ticket a uh time of the flight and then he got to the gate half hour before that time and the plane had been loaded and the door was locked they said I'm sorry the gate was plane was still at the gate and they were pulling out he says are you crazy this is the time on the ticket I'm here half an hour before the time on the ticket we're so sorry we thought it was delayed that was going to be the time if it was delayed they printed it on the ticket and we were able to leave a little bit earlier so nothing we can do he says I'm executive Platinum Status on this Airline what are you talking about so at that moment he was describing to me last night he had a decision to make he was about to flip out on the person at the gate it meant coming back two hours later to Fort Lauderdale having to get to Miami Airport to get his car to drive back it meant another airline where he didn't have status so he didn't get upgraded and he he was about to flip out about to flip out and he said you know what it's going to create a and it's not what's meant to be if this happened it's because it was meant to be somebody going to flip out and make the next viral video against an airline because uh because they they did something so at the same time he contacted the airline to express his disappointment and collect as many miles as he can from them which he deserves to do there's nothing wrong with holding someone else accountable but that's exactly the notion of what we're supposed to do as Jews we hold the other accountable we we do what's appropriate we say look I'm disappointed went against the protocol this wasn't right I was I was uh hurt as a result so compensate me but in terms of losing your cool you say this is what hasem this was meant to be if hasem wanted you to make the plane the door would still be open if the doors Clos it meant Hashem didn't mean for you to be on that plane there's no end while the plane blew up and therefore he lived thank God there's no end like that whatever reason it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be so when you live life without you fly off the handle you lose your cool you make a scene you get filled with rage your blood pressure explodes and you make yourself sick over those things and when you're able to live life with me talk you say Dad I don't know why you bumped me from the plane it's a pain dad but all right Dad if that's what you thought was best no problem I'm to try to get as many miles as I can out of it Dad but Dad if that's what you thought was best that is what's best so working on this attitude and approach in life gives us peace and Tranquility throughout life Keeps Us healthier more Serene and allows us to be able to deal with whatever world throws our ways have a fantastic week