Part 36: Enjoying the Roller Coaster Called Life

book your to good morning always a pleasure to resume our amuna sheer and as always we are grateful to the anonymous sponsors who sponsored our munir and our WhatsApp group in memory of shandel g b whose should have and Aliyah if you're not signed up for the WhatsApp group we're on our third Group which is actually almost full but um we try to send out uh messages two or three times a week to inspire and maintain our mindfulness of hashem's presence in our lives so um speak to me afterwards I'll tell you how to sign up and if you don't get the weekly email to let you know whether we have or don't have class also please give your email address at the end of at the end of class we're continuing with the Shalom and you have a new booklet in front of you now because we finished last week although we have five or six sentences left from last week so you don't have that so I'm beginning and then I'll I'll tell you when we pick up with the new booklet the end of last week he was I just T was reminding us that the essence of Amun is to remember that all that exists does so due to the graciousness the goodness the kindness the continued will of the almighty of Theon the moment he stops thinking and willing is the moment we cease to exist and that is the thought that we seek to connect with all the time no matter what's happening in our life no matter what we're not we we're not yet on the new book I'll tell you in a second no problem no matter what worry what anxiety what anxiousness no matter what is happening to always reconnect to the thought of there is no one but him Naomi just told me she just got back from Israel she and the artwork all over Israel it's being sold now is all to be mindful to be conscious I mentioned to you it's the one should have a little Post-It note on the dashboard of their car and of their mirror and in their kitchen and all over life R coaster a a milado yeah last week I um was dragged against my will to Universal for a couple days with my kids it should be a kapara and uh loves being with the kids anyway my kids love Universal and their love is only surpassed of the place by their mother who also loves it barem it's exciting to see her giddiness and joy and being there that's contagious to our family so anyway we're in Universal and they have a roller coaster called The Hulk I don't know if anyone been on the Hulk so at one point our kids were all on the this other ride and like you know what Leora watch the kids we're escaping for a minute and we went by ourselves and I on the Hulk so we went to the Hulk and you know life is very funny the way roller coasters work is that once it starts it's not so scary however long the line is is however long the anxiety of anticipation less right that's when you're on line you start to feel a little queasiness some butterflies you start asking yourself why am I do why am I doing this you know I don't have to do this this is not the universe forced me to experience this pain why am I and you're sitting there and you're getting doubts and they of course have all the little you know they have the the big waiting room the smaller waiting the other waiting room the things while you're waiting anyway so we're waiting and we get into the thing and you're going up anyone doesn't know what the Hulk is it shoots out of a cannon and then it goes upside down and upside backwards and Spirals and turns and changes Direction then upside down down and then through water and then it's insane so as we're growing up I said heard me muttering a a a because what to me the fear of the roller coaster is not I love the going upside down and spinning around it's that what if the Buckle opens yeah what what if this thing doesn't hold right you check it like a thousand times what what if it opens and I'm holding on and I'm flying so that was the I kept having that thought and then I kept aod mil there's actually a great there was a video that came out a couple years ago of a breast on a roller coaster I don't know if anyone saw it and he had a camera on him the whole ride and he was singing breast of songs about hasem as his pay payers were flying in the wind so sometimes we choose to go on a roller coaster and sometimes life puts us on roller coasters against our will and either way if we meditate on the Mantra and the refrain of a OD mil and we remind ourselves that whatever happens happens only because he wills it so when a person walks through life with this thought every meeting they walk into and walk out of every worry every fear every joy every pleasure every BR every gift everything in life they associate with they connect back to they use to be part of Hashem then their they their will their desire their interpretation of the world their fear that I'm a nothing I'm a gourish that I am nothing now I'm also something right that's the famous uh they quote it in the name of many different rebas whether it's or the ker or whoever it was that a person should walk around with a note in each of their pockets in one pocket you should say a that I am nothing and in the other pocket you carry a little little uh pet that says the whole world was created just for me and the secret to life is to know when you have to pull out which note when you feel you're on top of the world you feel accomplished you feel you're on top of the world you've gotten some covered you think you're in control then you pull out a and when you're feeling low and you feel like a gornish and you forget that you're a child of Hashem of of inestimable worth and capacity then you pull out the note the whole world was created just for me so it's not so simple that you should always think that you're an ion and an FS that you're nothing but it means in contradistinction to hasem if you're wrestling with who should win what Hashem think should happen or what I think should happen who has a better understanding of the world me or Hashem then one needs to nullify themselves so in other words anytime that you start to think that something else has power has control could interfere with can manipulate hashem's will that's the definition of aora what it means to worship an idol is to think something else can be in control so the mass hysteria around for example elected officials and what they might do to the world without any recognition Now understand we just last night I taught a class on on the uh in the great rivalries program about Steven wise Rabbi Steven wise and Peter bergson Peter bergson was a pseudonym for the name Hill cook he was R cook ra MIT kaken Cook's nephew and they had a great debate the whole talk last night plus the film that we watched parts of the film we watched had to do with the American Jewish the Jewish American reaction during the Holocaust what should they have done Roosevelt's paity what should they have done with his apathy rescue efforts should they have tried to call him out publicly do you not mess it was fascinating in retrospect bergon clearly seems to have been the the correct one and it's almost impossible to understand Rabbi Steven wise but we try to understand it in the time period after the Great Depression and so on and and it's it's a fascinating conversation that continues to go on till today I'm raising it because clearly we have an obligation of human initiative we have a notion of we're not supposed to be so complacent that we say ah whatever is happening in the world around us anti-Semitism Injustice Ah that's what Hashem wants Hashem wants Injustice Hashem wants BDS Hashem wants anti-Semitism Hashem wants six people so we won't go to the doctor and we won't Rally For Justice and we won't fight for truth because that's what Hashem want that's not a Jewish view we don't believe in that Hashem said I gave you the tools and I gave you the capacity I gave you the instruments and I gave you the mouth to be able to show initiative to be able to Advocate Lobby to be able to try to interact with the world in order to bring about goodness and my will he wants us to take initiative the question is once you've taken initiative then what do you still have hysteria I've taken my initiative but what's going to be or do you say I've taken my initiative in whatever area it is and whatever your personal belief and whatever you think is wrong with the world that you seek to repair after you've taken your initiative are you filled with Hysteria are you filled withad depression are you filled with Dread or do you say a Hashem is the Chess Master he's the Puppeteer the world is filled with his pieces that he moves around the board and that there is this balance between our initiative but what is happening in the world couldn't happen without his will a I take my initiative I go Lobby I go Advocate I attend the protest I fill out the petition I do what I think need to do again whatever area whatever policy I'm not getting into politics but beyond that when you have mass hysteria when you predict what will definitely happen unless things go your way what happened to where's Theon in the equation what happened to what it says on our money open your wallet and look at your money what does it say In God We Trust In God We Trust if you go into the house of represent the chamber where the state of the union is given above it says yeah so much for the separation of church and state but it says in God the founding fathers understood that they created a system of democracy which is predicated on all men are created equal and everyone has an equal vote and therefore you have to campaign and there's elections and there's no more initiative in the world than campaigning and and elections and yet when all was said and done the founding fathers understood that within the system of democracy of initiative of advocacy ultimately it's in God we trust which is the same as over the House of Representatives and on our dollar bill it's saying a mil Ain mil V and that's what we have to remind ourselves of all the time and when you don't that's what the here is saying when you think that people in positions of power or athletes or celebrities or your doctor or the gardener or I don't care what area of your life you have a hysterical reaction because you think that someone else is in control of your destiny your fate your wellbeing that is the textbook definition of aaro that's idolatry you have now replaced theon's dominion and Providence and you've substituted it with B with a human being the lawyer the doctor the judge the architect the elected official the whatever area of your life that's aara so of course you Lobby the doctor you have to go to the doctor and you have to work with the lawyer and you have to appeal to the judge you have to do the initiative and when it's done you take that deep breath and you say I've strapped myself into the roller coaster I've taken my initiative it looks like it's buckled a no no let's enjoy the ride if you're going to the whole time be worried that the thing's going to unlock and that you're going to fly off the edge then the ride's going to pull into the station it's going to be over and you won't have enjoyed it and you paid a lot of money to go to Universal even with the discounted Yeshiva rate you paid a lot of money so you might as well enjoy the ride you might as well enjoy the ride now we're up to the new packet finally I'm rejoining you page you have packet in front of you know as long as you think that what you have you earned and that you have and you have it permanently that's something which is negative Shalom whatever you have you own temporarily it's on loan it's never part of your permanent collection I don't care what it is you think those who had their with made off didn't think that they were permanently wealthy I have $40 million it's with a guy who gives me this great return all the time this is my portfolio I am wealthy no one can take it from me and they woke up one morning and that's in every area of life you think your big house you think your car you think your relationships and most of all you think your health I think I told you maybe last time the tragedy the tragedy of when you see thatu removes his presence from a person's well-being and health you know we're learning in shil earlier on Wednesdays and R Pinkus has given this metaphor I don't remember if I said it here of a mirror he says the prerequisite of prayer is humility prayer is an exercise in humility the whole day long you're out there making business deals getting things done going to work achieving your your to-do list and you think you're in charge you think you're the boss you think you're independent what's daving it's strategically placed three times a day to remind you hey buddy you do what you do but you can't do anything without me a sense of dependence a sense of humility a sense of context doming is the anchor that keeps bringing us back so Pinkus says that life is like a mirror imagine if a handsome or beautiful person stands in front of a mirror if a smart or righteous person someone's in front of that mirror and then the mirror if the mirror could talk would boast look at me I'm so handsome I'm so beautiful I'm so smart I'm so righteous what would you say to the Mirror Mirror you fool you're nothing all you are is a reflection of what's standing opposite you if what's opposite you would walk away Not only would you not you haven't absorbed any of that image you are only a reflection you don't absorb any of it if they walk away you're gourish you're nothing and says Pinkus we are a mirror we reflect the image of theim of Theon as he wills it in us he wants us to be smart it's cuz he's standing opposite us and reflecting intelligence through US artistic he wants us to be handsome he wants us to be whatever we are is cuz Hashem is opposite us in a mirror reflecting it and if he were to walk away we would be an empty mirror having absorbed none of it and when I saw that in rinkus it drove home to me the image that you know tragically I visited recently one of our members who has a severe dementia that has really gone down very very quickly and went from seeing him in Daily to saying who are you why why are you here oh BRS B what's Bon synagog and Mish it's it's like sh it's it's Mish for those who who've seen it who've had to take care of it who experience it it is horrific and to me it's the image of the mirror is still there the person's there and their physical health is there but hasem has walked away he's walked away they're a blank slate all that they were talking about intelligent accomplished successful wealthy people and what's all of that worth when he walks away from the mirror and we're no longer able to reflect his presence in our lives so it made me recognize you know our mortality our vulnerability how fragile life is on a dime Hashem can choose to withdraw his presence opposite our mirror his reflection in us and that's the danger the danger is that we ever think think that what we have is permanent our health our mental health our physical health our psychological Health our our relationships our material possessions if we ever think it's permanent our safety our security whatever we think is permanent Jew has to walk through life probably explains why we're such a neurotic people but you're supposed to you're supposed to walk through life the truth is you know I I joke in saying that on the one hand if you walk through life saying oh my gosh or literally oh my God this could all disappear any minute it'll leave you you know again that's why we have digestive diseases and great high level it explains you know uh all of our health issues our genetic health issues we become a neurotic but it you would think it makes you neurotic but exactly it's the opposite if all you do is walk around saying it could all disappear it could all crumble it could all go down any minute so you're going to get IBS and you're going to get diseases and you're going to neurotic and you're going to be hysterical and you're going to go crazy but if you realize it all disappear in any moment and I have nothing to worry about because whatever happens is the will of Hashem if I have it it's because he wants it and it's what's right and if I don't have it it's because it's not what's right and you know what all that happens is for good I was at a bris Monday morning in our Sho and I looked over right when the baby was crying and the mole was about to do the cut and I saw the mother's face was buried she was crying and I thought to myself wow what a metaphor for our relationship with Hashem does the mother have any hesitation or regret for bringing her son into the bris of a aino at that moment not a one no one had to pull her Kicking and Screaming to bring her child to Shou there's nothing she wants more in the world on the eighth day of his life than to bring him to that bris but when she hears him crying does she not cry to me that was the image of Rashi tells us in last week's para that while we were in MIT and whatever we're doing in life Hashem when we're going through pain he's crying with us ah if he's crying with us just stop the pain mother in the woman's section if you're crying scream to the mo stop call it off don't do it I can't stand to see my baby cry to hear his cries why doesn't she do that because it's possible to simultaneously believe what the baby is having right now is the best thing in the world for the baby it's the greatest gift I could give him but it also hurts me that it's hurting him and that's the Reon shalom's attitude towards us all that happens to us is for our good sometimes it hurts there's a scalpel there's a knife there's a there's an incision it hurts and we cry and when we cry it hurts him he's crying with us and yet he doesn't say call it off stop because somehow he knows it's what's best for us so you'll ask me how could it be best for us that children go through cancer that people experience loss that have I don't have the answers and that's that's not a cop out and it's not an excuse It's because I'll tell you a little secret y knows it well I'm not God Only God it's a secret it's a secret please it's actually a secret that's all over it's all over internet right now but all yeah anyway it's um I lost my train of thought yeah yeah if we could understand exactly why God runs the world then we would be God you have to understand that a life of amuna is a life of submission it's a life of forfeiting our understanding and comprehension you want to you know there's a there's a young man in his 30s who used to live here he lives in New York now he was visiting this week and I was so flattered because he sent me an email saying he he's not really observant but he's such a deep person and he's struggling with religion in a really impressive way because it's not that he's doing the Torah and Mitzvah but he's not sure if he believes in it he's not doing it he could easily not do anything but he struggles with with not he struggles with the Deep part he said I'm in town I'm thinking about somebody I could speak to about this and I thought of you do you have a few minutes and we went for a walk around the lake a couple days ago and we're talking and his biggest issues are how he envisions the incompatibility of what it says in the Torah with his Western modern Millennial mind how could a Torah that says this about this group of people and denies this and says you have to kill that group and H and don't tell me the rabic interpretation I'm just talking about the text if God is so smart why wouldn't he give in the best-selling book at least write a footnote that makes it clear that I don't really mean everything I write here check out the other you know the oral part and and he's very bothered by this and what I kept coming back to with him which is a very unpopular and difficult thing to say in 2017 is if you want everything to work in a way you understand then you're not worshiping God you're wor Shing yourself you're not looking for religion you're looking for the world to operate according to you at the core and at the root of religious experience is that word submission by Sal has it famous footnote for in man where he talks about that you know we live in this age where religion is supposed to be uplifting and amazing and Kumbaya and feel good and spirituality and fluffy and it's supposed to unbelievable and you know what it is all of those things shabas is the delicious the discipline of Kus is wonderful and the experience of the Y to and The Narrative of our people it is all those things but sometimes it's not sometimes it's not and when it's not when the rubber meets the road is when amuna kicks in is when you say you know what Hashem says this is my view blueprint for the world doesn't really work with everything I'm supposed to believe in 2017 who do I go with the New York Times or Torah kadosha who do I go with the modern faten phenomenon or the Torah hosha when cards are dealt to me that are difficult and everyone has Ackle everyone's fighting a battle some that you see and some you don't see there's a great quote be kind to everyone you meet for they're likely fighting a battle you know nothing about you have no idea in their personal life in their relationships with their children even with their health with their this with their that one never knows the battle others are fighting we look they have a beautiful and look it looks like they have beautiful children they have a great job and they they have everything only I had if only you knew what they're going through what you think they have everyone's got Ackle everyone's fighting a b some not to make all battles equal all battles are not equal but people have their have their struggles so when you get those struggles you know if you say well hasem I love you when everything's great I love you when my have for my children I love you when my annual physical shows everything is great I love you when there's money to pay the mortgage ah ain't no mil it's great we're on vacation and it's ain't no mil on the Hulk it's easy aod milado what about anod milado when you get back to results of the biopsy what about aod milado when the bank account is in the red and you got bills to pay what about aod milado then that's when the aod milado is most difficult and that's when it's most meaningful and that's when it kicks in so that life of vulnerability and fragility that life of recognizing that it's not yes that I permanently have everything I have but the life of the recognition that it could disappear any moment should not lead to a life of neur neurosis a life of fear a life of anxiety anxiety should yield the opposite you know what Hashem is my mother watching me get my bris this is the right thing for me I'm crying she's crying but somehow this is the right thing when they took out when the Romans persecuted took him out to kill him it was the time of so says you know my whole life my whole life I was worried about this P it says that every day we say multiple times a day and we say we're supposed to worship what do we say with all of your heart by the way it doesn't to say with all of your heart what does it say it doesn't say it says what's the difference between and means with your one heart means with your two hearts any cardiologists here someone had two hearts there would be a scientific Wonder none of us have two hearts two sides two sides to the heart there four chambers to the heart but what does it mean live up with your multiple Hearts K understand it to mean with your and your we have two inclinations we don't just serve Hashem with our we serve him arguably most when we can direct our what that which we have a to we direct and channel even that to so that's with our multiple hearts and supposed to be willing to give our lives supposed to be able to give your possessions whatever it is soika he's being brought out by the Romans and what's he thinking is you know my whole life I've said and when will I possibly be able to fulfill this part of the when will I ever be in a position to have to give my life so so therefore he said at that moment and he extended he was holding the until he was murdered his soul left his body in the midst of saying the while saying the shma a Heavenly voice went out and said blessed fortunate are you that your soul went out says quoting from the if he was worried about fulfilling why is he extending the word says the the following when you love another human being with the greatest most intense most profound deepest love there could be there's a bond between the two of you but you remain the two of you you're two independent people who feel interconnected bound together you feel soulmates you feel your your your destiny is intertwined you feel aligned you feel whole you feel all the gerer wire lines in the world you feel everything whatever it is that you feel you feel but you are still two separate independent people entities who feel connected the love with Hashem with hasem says the is different because when you love another person you were born separately you're created separately you have separate DNA you have a lot in common that makes you feel in love but when you're born from the Reon shalam you're born from Theon he created you he implanted himself in you and when you connect to him with love and withus then you return to him in a way that you become one you're not two separate entities feeling interconnected but you return and become one says the till you no longer have an independent identity and that's what it means he said the word one until his soul left him and he became one again with Hashem so he says look at the there this was the new innovation what introduced to the world with the level of self-sacrifice the you know there were many who gave their lives despite what it said in the Holocaust statement on Friday there were 6 million Jews in particular who gave their lives who gave their lives for for where they gave and devoted and forfeited their lives to sanctify H's name took it a step further it's one thing to give your life forem in which place there's a special place in sh for you and these are our heroes what they what they gave but the highest level is Whata achieved which is not just to give your life but to return your soul to be connected with we see in these other that also extend this idea our capacity to so submit to so forfeit our independent identity to want to reconnect with to be with to be part of Hashem he put us in this world to be independent when he placed Us in this world he gave us Free Will and he said use that free will to determine your relationship with me buta when he understood that his life was ending so desired to be reconnected so nullified his independence to reconnect with Hashem that at that moment he became the embodiment of so not only did he recite and say he became the embodiment of I'll tell you I mentioned it yesterday in the par class but it's always worthwhile to review that says um when we say shma this statement of you say is listen is who's the is speaking too to ourselves you could be alone in a room you say out loud you have to be you should hear it in your ear what you're saying with your mouth so who are you talking to if you're alone you're talking to yourself the pin the Jew inside you you're screaming you're waking them up her up and you're saying is wake upem elem is the god of compassion of kindness when I see everything is good and healthy and wonderful and blessed and elu is the God of Justice when there things I don't understand when I've been forced on a roller coaster that has me turned upside down and I don't understand it both of those when I perceive God asem and when I perceive God as they're both the same Hashem it all comes from the same place that what I perceive is wonderful and blessing and good and what I perceive is difficult and hard and challenging it's all from Hashem it's all for a reason it's all for a purpose it's all for the good even when I don't understand it I but I look out at the world and I don't understand it the Hashem part I get well when there's Clarity when the world is beautiful when everything is good but theu part I look out I see Injustice I feel pain I look out at the world I don't understand it says the that that's why we cover our eyes when we say shma the reason we take our hand and we cover our eyes when we say shma is to say stop looking at the world and thinking you understand close your eyes submit nullify stop looking at the world with the expectation that you're going to understand exactly how things work and why they are the way they are close your eyes cover your eyes submit and recognize that a that both the Hashem and the both the and it all comes from the same omnipotent perfect infinite Divine God and that you know all this I find myself saying the same message every week and I wonder whether it's resonating because it's easier said than done could come here every week and we could study these texts and we can say you know that's nice but when the rubber meets the road when we're dealt those cards it's very hard to feel it's very hard to feel connected to a god who had put us through that most difficult and painful moment but what are the choice that we have yeah a it's the truth a it's the truth a b and c it's the truth and D what's the alternative the people who don't believe in God and who just have to live life with whatever difficult cards are dealt their way concluding that yeah it's just you know random chance just statistics and data that's better that's easier to deal with it's it's easier to deal with the thought that the Universe dealt you those cards that Randomness gave you that disease or the loved one or took away something so precious from you that makes it easier so a b CDE e f g it's the truth that's why we believe in it but you think the alternative is an easier option there's no easy option when Life deals you difficult cards when you're put through a challenging situation there is no easy there's no magic wand that makes it go away there's nothing that makes it better you do all you can to treat it to heal it but sometimes there are things that are irreversible and there's no easy wand and we wish there were but we don't live in a world like that and so what are the Alternatives you either believe that there is an omnipotent infinite perfect being who is orchestrating your reality for a reason and a purpose and for meaning and that it's somehow best for you or you think that the world is just chance and Randomness and this happened to you and oh well too bad in times of Hashem in times of el it's all this is the Mantra this is the mission statement this is the meditation this is what's on our dashboard this is what's in our kitchen this is what's in our lives people it's very challenging when things are going well because they don't realize that's coming from hasem in those situations for most people it's for most people it's most difficult when all is going well cuz that's when you're most that's when you're most vulnerable to thinking it's you everything's successful everything's going well why do I have to think of Hashem it's all good it's all good right the famous story I've told a thousand times the guy who needed the parking spot he's circling he's late for the interview says God I'll do anything in the world I'll never speak lar again please help me find a parking spot finds the parking spot right in front of the building where the meeting is and he says never mind God I found one right that we're all guilty of that all the time so when things are going well never mind a old Mado everything's good got a great job marriage is going well house is good kids are good never mind ad I got it covered no you don't got it covered that's so some people struggle for the when things are well some struggle for the when they're challenging the common denominator is a why do we have to struggle with it why can't God just reveal himself and be obvious why can't he be a presence in our life so we don't have to struggle with it the answer is because then there'd be no purpose to life you'd have no free you will that you take away the whole meaning of life the whole meaning of life is that we're playing a game of hide and seek with God God is hiding and he wants us to seek him and that's what life is about it's an atypical relationship you know if in if in your marriage or with your children one of you were hiding and you made the other person constantly be on a chase that would not be a healthy relationship but in our relationship with Hashem to a degree he's hiding to a degree he's ever present if you start to live life with you'll see he's not hiding at all he's everywhere you turn but to a degree he's hiding and we are constantly chasing he's mysterious and that's the purpose of life is to go find him and to go connect with him and to see him and to see him so he doesn't reveal himself but that's why it's so easy to forget that's where mindfulness comes in a yes I'm I'm the only one who ask questions I know it's was about to get away with it but you're going such I need to understand what I'm learning okay please yeah um and the conflict of the world was created for me alone right and I am nothing and all of those things I am just right I accept it I live it I see Hashem everywhere right and I see him in everything that happens in my life what I don't understand at all is the a how in the world do you reach a point where you feel with felt so right and we ourselves when we say sh is we drag out the I never knew why and I have no idea how to get there so I I don't know either that's why Rika was Raba and he was once in not only a generation but maybe a once in the history and I don't know that the maharal or the are expecting to achieve that level but the lower level of a which is to integrate the Hashem elu not to believe that well the good things are from Hashem and the bad things are from someone else or the bad things are from Hashem and the good things are from me the notion of seeing Hashem and elu the good and the bad is all it all comes from him and what I perceive is bad is not really bad you know the Rasha gave that Tor in the context of why we eat Mar at the Seder table cuz only on pesak night when we look back we appreciate that the M was also part of while we were suffering in Egypt the Mur was bitter but only in retrospect is there a sweetness to the bitterness when we understand what it was all about so the Holocaust led to Israel maybe right some points I thought the aad was as opposed to idolatry and The Trinity and all of that it is yeah no that is that is that is true well it's it's opposed to you know the notion of the Trinity and we have one God right monism and that's the but it's more than that you know for the for the for the majority of the history of the world other religions ascribe different powers to different different things to different powers right so paganism there was the god of the star and the god the Sun the moon the thing this came from this this came from this Greek theology this comes from this comes from this is no no no there's one there's one right and that and that's the concentration so the love of the raka to be able to submit to the extent that we entirely nullify ourselves and return to be one with our creator I could say the words but I don't know how to do it and I don't know that there's an expectation of us to be able to do it do people who are facing their last moments and you as a rabbi who are with them many times at such a time do they come to such a place mentally that they submit themselves totally to passing out of this world um many do you'd be surprised how many people are at peace at the end of their lives you would expect to be at someone's deathbed and they're agitated they're worried they're afraid and you'd be shocked how at that time many or even most people are somehow at peace but that's the also isn't it to a degree it is it's the it's the confidence that there's a world to come it's the confidence that there that it's not all over remember many many people right escorting you out of this world many many people by the time they're on their deathbed there's also physical limitations there's suffering there's a lot of other things that are going on but but there definitely is that there definitely is that level so there are multiple kavas we could have with the it's the fact that we don't believe in multiple deities it's the fact that both the good and the bad that all that we perceive comes from Hashem it's the fact that the bitterness is really sweet we just perceive it as bitterness and we have confidence that from Hashem it's all from one place Hashem is the sole source of all it's the fact that we believe that Hashem is animating all that exists the moment he would cease to will our existence we would disappear take you an hour and a half to say sh for hour on the word yeah on the one word there's there's a book to be written okay we resume next Wednesday 5:00 in the afternoon