Part 27: There is Room for Doubt Within Faith

okay good morning everyone oh yeah one more announcement before we start tomorrow night we have a um a usual and hopefully productive conference call SL webcast Naomi Burger who is a phenomenal local therapist who's really had a a fantastically successful um string with with people I've sent to her at least um she and I will be having a very Frank and open conversation about intimacy and marriage um we're specifically doing it that people people can call in anonymously from the comfort of their homes couples can listen together you could also watch together live you could send in anonymous questions as it's going on so there's no Stigma attached there's no excuse you can be cooking for shabas and be talking about intimacy or listening to it talk about intimacy so it's tomorrow night at 8:30 details are on the weekly or on Facebook or in that flyer but um it's an area of marriage which is so critically important to be healthy for marriage to be healthy and unfortunately there is a lot of struggle in this area so you or your children or grandchildren or friends or neighbors you can tell them about it and they can call in okay we continue with our amuna series yes um again the amuna sh are dedicated anonymously sponsored anonymously in memory for Al of sh G last week we began the onun we did the entire first page of your booklet which is his introduction to the topic of amuna and if you recall here the describ living a life life of amuna as living a life In Color without amuna without belief in the almighty without feeling his divine presence in your life his guiding hand on your shoulder without feeling that there's meaning and Order and purpose to all that occurs to you so you're living life but it's in black and white but when you believe that there's an Almighty when you understand as a creator of the universe when you see his hand in all that happens then all of a sudden life comes alive you're now living life in full HD color um you you know the language he uses is that nature and the world are s the song of amuna every Bird's chirp and every leaf that changes color not here in South Florida but every leaf that changes color and every world event even if they seem complicated or you're disappointed in them but everything that happens sings the song of amuna when you live in a life where you don't just see things as Randomness and chance but you choose to take that leap and it sometimes often requires a leap um to see life with with amuna okay so that brings us up I don't want to review everything he said let's let's continue page me which is the next page in the booklet and he begins here with the [Music] r the begins actually learning this with my daughter for we going through figure if you're becoming the age of mitzvas you should learn the foundations of Torah which are so the ran begins that the foundation of foundation and the pillar of wisdom is to know that there is a first cause that there is a source for all that exists how do you explain it to an 11 soon to be 12y old it's very simple you say Tamar where did you come from I came from you and Mommy where did we come from well sa sa and B and Zi and where did they come from and you keep going and going and going you say get back to not that they can name it but if you were to trace it theoretically all the way back you say and where did that first person come from huh that's a good question well the answer is that's what Hashem is when you wonder what is Hashem Hashem is when you trace that trail all the way back and there's no one who comes before him he is the beginning of everything that's Hashem now what does it mean there's nothing who comes before him that's when you start to get dizzy and get a headache that's when you start to scramble and uh and uh you're in trouble when it's your child but it's complicated we don't know we can't identify we don't relate to what it means to not have a beginning we live in a world and operate in a world where everyone we know has a beginning they have a middle and at some point hopefully after 120 they have an end we operate within time time is one of the creations of the world we recently read bra and the V and others say what is the first creation it's not the sh in the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth but that's not the first creation it's a mistake it's a misnomer what was the first creation bous time bous elim God created the beginning because before that there was no beginning and middle and end there was no yesterday today and tomorrow there was no past present and future ah so okay I got that God is not bound by time so what is he I have no idea I can't relate to it I can't identify with it I can't describe it to you I have no idea I just know what he's not I've told you before that the rambam writes we can't describe what God is because we can't relate to it all we can describe is what God is not he's not bound by time he's not bound by space he's not limited he's not emotional he doesn't have any physical features we could talk about what Hashem isn't we can't talk about what he is because if we could we would be him he is unique he is singular he is one he's which means that nobody can compare nobody can even comprehend what he is so the foundation of Foundations the core of all wisdom and living a life of wisdom is to accept is to believe is to know that Hashem is the first cause of all that exists I I can't exactly explain it I can't really unpackage that fully that's okay you don't have to you just have to know that we don't exist randomly or by chance there may or may not have been a big bang if there was a big bang it doesn't conflict with our belief system see Dr Jo Schroeder's books but whether there was a big bang or no big bang There was a cause to that big bang the Big Bang did not erupt spontaneously abruptly out of nowhere our belief is that if we Trace things all the way back there's a m there's a first cause this is not a uniquely Jewish argument saying thas ainus I still remember a little bit from that intro to philosophy class I but with Rabbi Walter wsbg wonderful man Rabbi scholar so there's a first cause and uh for all that exists okay continuing so just like the foundation of life you could be blinding groping through life and feel you're a victim of chance and not understand why anything happens or you could live a life of purpose and meaning and confidence that even that which is difficult and and and you don't welcome but it's reassuring and it's and it's comforting to know that it wasn't an accident that everything happens so just like it's the foundation of life it's the foundation of Torah and serving hasem the beginning of everything is to know that there's Hashem in general and to know that hasem has that Hashem has dominion over the entire world nobody can not even our president elect can overpower the almighty nobody can change his decision right hashem's decisions are his decision we weren't having class during Hurricane Matthew which barash passed us by and we still ding for those who were negatively affected by it but it's an amazing thing to me the gamar says in the beginning of Tinus that that Hashem gives the keys to all the world and he says go conquer my world he created Adam and Eve he put them in the garden and he said go I've given you knowledge and wisdom and curiosity inquisitiveness go conquer the world go invent GPS systems and cell phones and Tesla cars and rocket ships and go to the moon go go conquer the world the gamar says that when God gave us that key those keys originally he held on to three and what were the three he didn't give us he didn't give us the key to fertility he didn't give us the key to weather to rain and he didn't give us the key to the ability to bring the dead back to life in essence the common denominator of all three it's really one he didn't give us the key to life so you go speak to um speak to an IVF specialist and they'll tell you that they're become experts in mixing the ingredients but whether the dish actually takes or not it they can't predict my next neighbor Dr MOSI runs a fertility lab and he will tell you that he sometimes in in the course of a day he'll mix the sperm and the Egg he'll create that zyga the blastos he'll he'll wait a few days to see how how it uh develops and you know he'll do two couples at the same time and one look like the most unhealthy pre-embryos there's not a chance but this couple spend $330,000 and they don't have more eggs to harvest and it is what it is so you do what you can do do and you implant them and you hope for the best but they look like they don't have a shot there's nothing symmetrical or healthy or or optimistic about them and the other they've got eight pre-embryos that look gorgeous magnificent you know they are the valid Victorian of their High School class already so really there your challeng is which one should we put in how many should we put in because they're all so amazing and beautiful and he'll tell you that so many times the ones that look like they don't have a Fighting Chance produce the healthiest most beautiful children and the ones that looked perfect unfortunately don't yield a successful pregnancy and he who spends his entire life in that laboratory will tell you that in the end of the day he throws his hands up and he says he mixes the ingredients tries to put him in the oven but whether it comes out is up to I'm sorry to describe it in those terms but whether it comes out or not is entirely up to Hashem so that's fertility but the one that was so striking to me with Matthew is we live in this age where we can do anything it's unbelievable what we can control and manipulate and predict and yet and yet A hurricane's coming and they have no clue where it's going to hit when it's going to hit how big it'll be how fast those winds will turn and even more they can't make it go away can't you like blow up a bomb and redirect it can't you like create a big fan a Super Fan can't we with all of our technology there's nothing we can do so we have all the technology in the world and we're still all hunkering down down and buying flashlights and generators and hurricane proof and shutters because when it's when the Reon when Nature sends that that wind your way there's nothing you can do we've not been able to overcome death death is the great equalizer it doesn't matter how much money you have how much Fame you have how smart you are when illness or death come your way there's nothing we can do to overcome them so Hashem gave us the keys to his world but he held on to those three and we can try to wrestle them away from him but we're unsuccessful and look at our generation who have who have made such progress in technology in every area but the weather weather men are they're just they're just guessing they have no idea so that's what the is saying that the foundation of life is to realize that he's the master of the universe he created the whole world the heavens and the Earth so the foundation of life is to understand that there is a creator of the UN I and there is accountability to him there is a creator of the universe we have a relationship with him and we have accountability to him just like it would be absurd for a child to say when they reach a certain age you know what I don't believe you're my parents I think I came into existence through spontaneous generation I have no relationship with you and I have no accountability to you and I owe you nothing you'd look at that child and you'd say you're a you're a you did not come into being spontaneously you wouldn't be here without them and you wouldn't be here without their nurturing and loving and caring you in your infancy and you absolutely should have a relationship with them but whether or not you choose a relationship with them there's an accountability to the decisions you make towards them and that's the same thing with us you can say I came into being spontaneously I have there is no Creator there is no God and I have no relationship with him you can choose to say that that doesn't make it true says the says this is the gate to the righteous come that this verse that we say in that verse in Hal is talking about the the character trait ofun by the way notice I just called it the character trait of amuna which we've talked about previously also many think that amuna is a philosophy when do you talk about faith in philosophy 101 in that I learned it's philosophy but Amun is not philosophy Amon is a character trait I can be patient or impatient I can be quick to anger slow to anger I can be jealous and envious or I can be happy with what I have and I can live life with faith or I could live life in denial that there is a God and moon is not a philosophical leap amuna is a character trait the same way that we work on our other character traits we work on Amun and what makes one righteous person greater than another what determines the levels of righteousness is the level of Amun it's not how many BL you learned or how much you did how much sta you gave it's not how manyas you observe but it's how much you feel and see and sense Hashem in your life and you are committed to him thei Prophet says a righteous person live through his amuna what makes the person righteous what gives them the energy and the power and the happiness of life living life with amuna I've seen rich people who are miserable and I've seen poor people who are the happiest gol lucky I've ever seen I'll never forget I was walking home with je somebody who doesn't live here anymore I was once walking home with jeel with somebody with tattered clothing and I happen to know that they struggle with real poverty and they needed the community support and help and the way there was a a skip in his walk and talking to his kids he was telling about the par and these stories about sadik and just seems so happy and every time he talk to him he's just so happy and life is so great and you want to say you hold up a mirror like life is so great you got a lot of challenges buddy do you not realize them and then you have other people with wealth and all the money in the world and time and and they're just so unhappy and miserable so it's understanding that there is a higher being things are not random what one has what they need what are our to calibrate our priorities and our values and our how we measure happiness all of it comes through is the core of everything another p in M says that the righteous person falls seven times but they get up so the in Proverbs contrast the righteous person can fall seven times they get up no problem the wicked person falls one time Koo it's a knockout they're out for the count they can't get off the mat what's the difference between them saysi the righteous person is driven by a sense of amuna there's Hashem he believes in me I believe in him I have a I have a mission to accomplish in this world so you know what yeah I got knocked down I fell down I gave into that Temptation I gave into that urge I looked at or ate or said or did that which I know better from and I shouldn't have done but you know what I can get up because Hashem gives me the power and the strength if he believes in me I believe in me and I have a mission to accomplish so I can do it so when you know that you have the best manager in your corner when you have the best audience Spectators rooting you on when you have the best trainer who you believe has given you everything you need to win you can keep getting off off the mat no matter how many times you're knocked down but if you're all alone in that corner you have no manager you have no trainer and you have no one rooting for you and you don't believe in yourself you get knocked down once you're done you're out for the count so the is describing theim the righteous person can get knocked down seven times the wicked one time and they're out and what's the difference between them is a sense of amuna amuna is empowering it gives you strength gives you confidence gives you courage gives you faith it gives you all these tools which are necessary to endure the sometimes hard situations that life throws your way or the self-imposed mistakes that we all make and fail prey to if we believe in ourselves and we know Hashem believes in us then we have the ability to keep getting up we're in the second paragraph great rabbis May their memory be a blessing say this is going to be stay with me here a little bit but here we come with some cabalistic view but he says amuna gives us the capacity to transcend nature nature dictates certain things will happen but if you live with amuna you have the strength and the power and you can invoke from that can transcend nature this great Reb used to be able to create all kinds of Wonders and miracles when he would employ his sense of amuna in his heart and he would tap into the depths and the profundity of that amuna he was able to transcend and supersede certain natural limitations and at times when he would feel that the person that he was offer who came to him for a and he was trying to help that they didn't have that level of he would recite the over and over and over with that person I forgot which rean I forgot the story so I'm going to butcher both but what's the story maybe the STI someone came to the STi for br they were in the hardest situation and I forgot how the stier manipulated the conversation but basically said I can't give you AA only you can DAV and the person no no no but I understand that you have to give me a I came to you they said that my child will only get better if you get and he explained have you davened I can't give you a br have you no no no forget my daving yeah I DAV I DAV i d forget that but I understand that your BR is the only thing that I please you with desperation and the ster was trying I think it was theer the bat was the balat two weeks in Tanya chap 26 just I sorry just cuz you learn all day long and all day so Styer Bal both neither but the the idea was the idea was that how often how often do even do we how often do we think I have to do the schoola I have to put the key in Thea wear the red Bendle do the thing I have to get a br I have to send my name in I have to give the I have to take that shortcut i d yeah yeah maybe I D maybe I don't D I talk during ding I leave ding I come ding late d yeah yeah but did I do that shortcut did I do that did I do that uh often counterfeit and um superstitious roote so even and we have a tradition about we don't minimize the says that don't minimize even the BR of a simple person somebody gives you a br they're invoking blessing from hem don't me don't don't reject it even the BR of a very simple person of a child is a very powerful force so we don't at all minimize or reject braah but the BR can't begin to compare or compete with the power everyone of us has inside us to turn to Hashem with a sense of desperation whatever that desperation you have for that one Doctor Who's the M who could take care of you or your child whatever that desperation to get into that re or that g or that to get the well that you could have if you just close your eyes in sh or out of Sho take your three steps back and three steps forward or don't even open a sitter just talk to hasem from your heart but when we tap into that when we show Hashem that unbelievable faith that unbridled faith in that moment that the desperation ultimately is directed towards him then incredible things can happen and and yes he's writing this from a perspective but this is what the rambam writes the rambam says that God's Providence God's influence in our lives is is directly proportional to our belief in him or put differently if you don't think God exists and you think that all that dictates the world are the rules of nature so God says no problem let me pull back all yours The Rules of Nature let's see how now you're a statistic now you're a piece of data now it's Randomness now let's see and when you say God I could care less about the data and I could care less about the statistics but I believe in you and I don't care what they're telling me and I don't care what my chances are not that we should ever not be realistic and so on I'm not endorsing giving people false hope should never ever give people false hope but when when a person says Hashem despite I'm realistically looking at the data and statistics but despite that I'm holding out hope and the knowledge that you you can do everything so then the ram says that the God's intervening in nature suspending the rules of nature to intervene in our life is directly related it's proportional to the amount of that we show in him is synonymous with Redemption why were we liberated from Egypt because we believed finally at first we didn't when mosha first came down they say they they couldn't hear him they couldn't hear him what are you talking about this a God is going to take us out are you kidding this is the only reality we know we don't know any differently leave us alone but after Hashem showed his hand inim and they could no longer deny it they were ready to take that leap of amuna and it was in the Merit of finally recognizing there's a Creator there's a first cause there's a being he's involved in our lives he craves a relationship he loves us we love him we have accountability finally accepting all that is what merited that Redemption and it's only when we feel that again that will Merit the future Redemption this ability to overcome the natural order the brisk from Wu's Uncle used to say that uh he had it's a skoa but it's not a schoola what was the schoola that if you're ever in a difficult circumstance if you're ever worried you should just repeat the phrase over and over again there is nothing nothing but him there is no one but him and he tells the story actually that running away from the beginning of the Nazis anti-semites and he was on a train and they came on the train they thought he was going to they were going to confront him knowing who he was and he was going to be persecuted and he just sat there and closed his eyes and said over and over and over and over no now again were there people who had unbelievable amuna who were murdered by the Nazis in the Holocaust yes likely millions of them do I mean to suggest that there's a direct correlation that if you have the amuna then you have no infertility and no cancer and no marital problems and no health problems and no antisemitism I'm not suggesting that whatsoever whatsoever however whatever does come our way we have the toolkit to handle it and hopefully to overcome it and if not at least to be able to endure it when we employ amuna so the bris said it's not it's not a schoola in the sense that it's something sticky feel it's a prayer that expression that phrase when you're really worried when something's not going to go right ain't it's really just actually an exercise in mindfulness we spoke about in shabua is that when your mind begins to race and go in a million directions about now I'm late and what if the plane doesn't take off and what have to delayed and this traffic is going to destroy me and I'm waiting to get back to the biopsy what's going to be with that so your mind races in a gazillion and 10 different directions and because it does and it's way ahead of you it comes to every conclusion there is out there what it means for your marriage what it means for your children what it means for your health what it means for your parnasa what it means for the state of Israel what it means for the future of America what it means for right if you allow your mind to race you can come to what was that Mark Twain quote I have endured a million horrible things in my life just none of them ever happened wow it's an amazing uh it's not that wasn't exactly the quote but I've endured I've endured countless horrific things in my life just none of them ever happened it's a great quote so how do you how do we come back to neutral how do you Center your mind how do you come back to a place of of equilibrium so the brisar rav's advice is when your mind races a just keep repeating that Mantra it's really a it's a meditation it's a mindfulness meditation exercise you're worried about the result you're worried about the traffic you're worried about the flight delay you're worried about the pera you're worried about the you keep coming back to you know what I have to do the best I can I have to do everything in my power but beyond that a there is nothing but him it's great put it on your dashboard of your car and put it on your kitchen and put on your nightstand and put in the mirror in your bathroom a just keep coming back to that I do the best I can I do everything that's in my power and after that there is nothing but him it is all him we should make up cards or stickers to give out very nice it's so yeah and even within amuna is even if a person doesn't have amuna with Clarity and this is a very important Point that he's making here that I want to make you could come to these classes and have the incorrect perception you know Goldberg is giving all these talks about amuna wow he must have unbelievable amuna he lives with pure Faith everything's perfect he sees hm all the time so first of all I give all these classes cuz I'm working on amuna and the best way to work on amuna is to be mindful of amuna the best way to be mindful of amuna is to keep talking about amuna but I want to make something very clear everyone almost everyone everyone certainly I have moments of doubt they people are not honest with you if they tell you that every minute of every single day there's nothing but Hashem everything's pure Faith everything's all good everyone has moments of saying really why Hashem if you're there why would you do this are you there I'm looking for you I don't feel you I want to feel you I want to connect with you I'm looking for you and I want to understand you and I'm protesting against you so everyone goes through their ups and downs in fact it's this week's para in this week's para AB has the a Hashem says to him take your son your only son your precious son it's not his only son but it's the only son from that wife it's not the only son he loves it's a beautiful Rashi it says take your son okay so he knows which one says which son he says says your only son he says I have two only Sons one's my only one from AAR one's my only one from s the one you love this is the beautiful part AR says I love both hasem says fine it's that's the you read that Rashi you read Rashi and you could feel hashem's exasperation like okay you're not like you know who I'm talking about you have to play this game for me take your son I have two sons the only son I love them both there's a lot to talk about next week's para when a dies and yesal comes to the funeral yesal has been expelled from the house he's been exiled he's been rejected how does he show up at the funeral it has a lot to do with this AER because he knew as far away as he was from his father that AER that his father never stopped loving him but that's a whole other discussion so God tells a take that son that I promis through whom you will build a Legacy and and transform the world you know that son that was going to build your family and make you a name and the stars and the sand and all that stuff remember that son i' like you to take a knife and slit his throat that's a test I'd say that's a big test and um why would Hashem give him that test I I'd like to believe I I I uh follow the commentaries who say God never intended it but God gave that test for a very simple reason A's intuition was to do was he was a person of loving kindness he was pred disposed he had an intuition and instinct to love love love love love love three talking to God you there we spoke about the par yesterday you're interrupted by three strangers who come up and you tell God could you wait a few minutes I got to take care of these strangers you just love everybody you love everybody love love love is what pushed a so God says how do I know that aam is really serving me with that love maybe he loves because he's just a lover that's who he is he's a lover he's a child of the 60s he's a lover how do I know that the love is really because he's directing towards the service of me so hasem says you know how I'm going to test him I'm going to ask him to do something that's the opposite of love and let's see whether he really does it all for me or does it all because that's his Instinct if he's willing to and able to do even that which comes unnaturally it means that which comes naturally is also for me so Hashem says take your son and and slid his thrat Hashem never meant it I wasn't going to fall through on it but he wanted to know whether aam was willing to say yes and when hasem says jump he says how high even when it's and that's why when the Mal says stop he says now I know that you have y I always knew you had AA a I always knew you were a lover but I didn't know if you had a I didn't know if you were able to do this yakov's intuition what's yakov's character trait Tain msov Yakov is all about truth honesty truth he can't tell a lie no matter matter what Hashem says it's wonderful that you have this Instinct and intuition towards truth how do I know it's directed to me how will I know there only one way I'd like you to dress up like your brother and go lie to your father let's see let's see so we all have we're all predisposed with certain intuition and Instinct and to direct that towards Hashem is somewhat easy but can we also do that which comes unnaturally that which is uncomfortable that's the test that each of the of us went through and um and that's what what revealed to Hashem what was what was really happening so why am I telling you all this let's come back so hasem says to AB take your son go to the top of the mountain do what you got to do and it says on the third day ab arrives what happened during those three days text leaves it out what happened during those three days so the medish fills in and the med tells us that aam encountered all these phenomena that tried to convince him don't go through with this what are you crazy so he tried to cross the river and the river went high high high up to his neck and he had to weade his way through it and he tried to cross the mountain and he tried to this and he encountered that person and the medish describes each of these things that try to block his way and shalom in her in her Parish has a beautiful explanation of this medish and she describes that the medish is not talking about natural phenomena the river didn't come alive and talk to AB the medes is really talking about all these things that happened in aam's head that every step of the way aam had these thoughts that were haunting him that said don't do this Hashem loves you he would never want you to really do this and he made that promise to you he can't really want this and every step he took he started doubting doubt plagued him for three days and he had to overcome the doubt each step till finally finally it was the third day and he put one foot in front of the other and he arrived and aam becomes a edent for us of being able to live with doubt we don't encourage doubt we don't introduce doubt we don't dwell on the doubt but we allow for doubt to to believe in hem amuna this class to be successful doesn't mean well it's only successful if we have unbridled unquestioned amuna 247 365 the rest of our life we hear news we endure challenges we experience pain and it's only natural that little doubts creep in our own or we hear of others and little doubt Creeps in that's okay aam had those doubts creep in and aam put one foot in front of the other until he Ares struggling with the doubt is actually what yields greater Faith there's room for doubt in faith I actually think that a faith that has no doubt in some ways is a fake faith if you live this life in this world with what this world throws at you and you've never had a moment of doubt I'm not sure sure how authentic your faith is a faith which never had doubt could be a very superficial lip Service counterfeit Faith again we're not searching for doubt or introducing doubt or let's sit around skeptically talking about all the reasons not to believe in Hashem right we're not introducing doubt but a doubt that a faith that never had doubt I'm not sure about there we have a concept called amuna I'm not talking about that right now but a sophisticated a sophisticated amuna has also o had confrontations or tension with doubt and that's what the Reb is saying here theb is saying you're not yet at a point of a pure clear unquestioned Faith you're looking you're searching you're asking you're curious he's going to continue with this what theb says is you've arrived at Faith by struggling with faith in other words the destination is not one of pure Faith the destination is searching to live with faith so you could be the skeptic and the cynic who sees everything in your life as the excuse and the argument the evidence that there's no Hashem or you could be the Searcher who's looking around through life every day for all of the evidence that there is a Hashem the goal is not necessarily or not necessarily achievable to get to a point of absolutely there's Hashem there's no doubt there's no questions there's no anything that's very very difficult that's very very challenging that's not necessarily the goal the goal is to be struggling with faith to be engaged in the struggle to be Liv living with that tension to be a Searcher to be looking to be interpreting the world through the prism of amuna how do I make sense of what has happened what does this reveal about Hashem about his greatness about his will how can I do all of that okay we're going to stop here we'll pick it up I think next week I'm going to a wedding next Wednesday flying in the morning so I don't think we're having class but the week after hasem we'll uh we'll pick it up question yes questions you want your questions recorded or not recorded I don't care okay question uh you mentioned about finding comfort in auna in spite of difficult situations yes even though you don't question your amuna how do you find the Comfort I'll tell you what I meant by that I I've I've lived a very blessed life very very blessed life ple in Hara one of the hardest things I went through is when um when in between my second and third children my wife had a still birth dur that was a boy but anyway it was a very hard time and and living through that in retrospect we're blessed seven healthy amazing beautiful kids and it's nothing compared to the hardship and challenges that people go through I'm only sharing it because it was it brought this to light for me I vividly remember going through that that the only thing that gave me Comfort and strength was the confidence that this wasn't random it wasn't a fluke that this was somehow directed from Hashem what was the reason what was the cause everyone tries to offer their comforting things where was the Comfort the Comfort was that I'm not saying if you go through pain for no reason at all random it's random that's that that just compounds your pain vitim but if you say I'm going through pain but there is there's a greater reason this pain is going to lead to the birth of something greater I may see it I may never see it I may understand it I may never understand it but I know that pain is never random and pain is never without a reason then I know that every moment of pain I can endure because it's going to lead to a greater pleasure a greater a greater reason so I don't know people who are going through truly hard times if you don't believe in God I don't know how you get through it so God forbid someone's diagnosed with something terrible able so what they're supposed to find comfort and Courage by saying well I'm a statistic x% of the population get this illness and I'm one of those x% and x% will get better and I may or may not be one of those x% that get better and x% get the side effects and I may or not be one of those x% and you know what there's no meaning there's no order there's no there's no meaning to my pain I'm just suffering because I'm a random statistic I don't know how that person finds the strength to go whereas if someone says I hate this pain I object to this pain God I'm protesting you're giving me or someone I love this pain I will do everything in my power to relieve this pain and to get rid of this pain but if in the end of the day there's pain there's a there's a reason it's not a fluke that pain is going to give birth to something better greater there's reason there's order that's what I meant by that that s someone else had question and comment okay everyone have a great day