Part 25: Would You Do That If Hashem was in the Room?

okay good morning we're going to get it started so we are continuing our study of the faith and trust his outstanding work in which he articulates exactly the definitions of these qualities one of the important Notions points that he makes and others make is that ultimately are not philosophical abstract ideas but they're mid the same way patience is a Mida is a character trait the same way generosity is a character trait the same way kindness is a character trait amuna is not a philosophy it's not something reserved for a philosophical discourse but it's actually a character trait it's something that you work on it's something that you acquire something that you hone and that you build within yourself we we like to describe amuna as a muscle the more you work it out the bigger it becomes and the less you work it out the sooner it atrophies and it dies so the Kish had been talking about again the definition of is not I trust that hem will make everything work out the way I want that the definition of is I trust that whatever Hashem has happened is in my best interest I may not understand it I may not appreciate it I may not welcome it but whatever happens is my best and then last week we spoke about that the arena of is not on the lips but is in the heart meaning it's easy to talk about it's easy to talk talk talk talk talk about Amun but when amuna comes into play person hears challenging news a person gets stuck in traffic a person uh competitor opens across the street from them am is not about the lips it's not about telling and preaching am am is about in your heart feeling and trusting that hashem's got a plan Hashem provides and that there's a higher order and purpose to everything so it brings us up to page 5253 where we're in the chapter of says the Kish even though the main point the main Arena the main venue for displaying Trust on hem is in your heart it's nothing that anybody sees it's about the deep breath that you take you know I just met somebody's going in for uh a significant surgery and they met with me because they're feeling very very anxious very anxious so I said to them the advice I gave them which it's easier to give as advice than it is to put into practice oneself so I don't mean to minimize it in any way but what I said is look you trust your doctor yes you followed all their orders everything you're supposed to do yes you made the prep preparation yes okay so the you've done everything you can do that's in your power if your nervousness your anxiety stems from the fact that you haven't done what you need to do so nervousness then can be a catalyst for positive outcome but if you've done everything you need to do what's the nervousness leading to the said what are you nervous about what are you nervous about it'll be as it'll be K is in charge whatever is going to happen is for a reason it's not random you've done what you can do and now to be nervous is simply a form of heresy to be nervous simply undermines your trust that Hashem is also going to be in that operating room he's going to be there but it's more than that it's that where does a happen it's not a matter of you know you go around tell everybody yeah oh hasm is going to make me surgery and then you sitting there [ __ ] and shilas and going crazy out of your mind so you did well with on your lips but you fail a failing grade on your in your heart where it matters is in your heart and what I told him is that I try to practice this myself it's a difficult thing to achieve but you can't control when thoughts come knocking but you can control whether you let them in or not we can't always control whether they come knocking we can control whether we let them in so the nervousness the anxiety the uh the concern that thought is going to knock and that's okay that's legitimate that's totally understandable but whether you dwell on that thought and whether you submit and give into that thought and forfeit yourself to that thought that's up to you that's up to you you don't have to give into every thought did I tell you before this metaphor the I love this I saw this years ago it changed my life about the who was up all night anxious nervous concerned what's going to be with this that and the other things so he goes to the Reb's house told you this if I did you don't remember it's like repeat anyway he goes to the Reb's house and he says uh knocks on the front door there no answer so he knocks even harder he's desperate he needs to talk to his rebi there's no answer goes around the side of the house house and he looks in the window and the Reb is sitting at the din room table studying Torah he starts to knock on the window the reab doesn't even look up doesn't let him in he goes home despond dejected the next morning he comes to show he Downs down he's over he comes up to his Reb says rebi I needed you last night I needed the rebi last night I was anxious and nervous concerned I needed rebi so the Reb turns to his and he says I know your concern I already answered you says you know my concern you answered me we didn't even get a chance to talk you didn't let me in what do you mean so the RAB said and he said rabie I have ner and anxiety and concerns and I'm struggling with the fear of this and this distraction and that Yar so says I know and I answered you you know how you came to my house last night and you knocked but the choice was up to me whether to let you in or not those thoughts come knocking but you have the choice whether to let them in or not you can't control what thought knocks you can control what you allow in and whether you give yourself over to it and become distracted by it so and that that was the advice I said to this person is it said you know as the days come closer to the scheduled surgery totally understandable that the the thoughts will come knocking don't ever forget you have the choice of whether to let those thoughts in or not you've done everything you need to do this is when you and why am I saying this because again the begins is not the fact that you told everybody around you is going to make my Sur it's what do you feel in your heart it's whether we let the thoughts there practical Mitzvah connected to it the obligation to refrain from acting against others and there are some limitations relating to the efforts that one is allowed to make in other words is not just in the abstract is not some esoteric idea that I I trust hem there are everyday implications of living a life of faith in Hashem how I I relate to others am I going to undercut and seek to destroy my competitor or do I say look Hashem is in charge if he wants both of us to make a living we'll both make a living and Thrive somebody hurt me do I seek to take revenge or do I say look they're accountable for what they did but if Hashem didn't want me to get hurt I wouldn't have gotten hurt Hashem is involved in this picture even within how much I have to work is a question of if I believe you know there is such a thing both describe there's such a thing as working excessively a person who who who neglects their family neglects their own a hasem neglects d neglects all this thing because they're working 16 17 18 20 hours a day because they think that'll make them richer that'll bring them more money that's excessive work you can't sit on your couch all day and do nothing and say Hashem will provide if you fail to do your initiative you can't that's a fake form of trust you have to take initiative but you could take two too much initiative where you erase God from the equation excessive work because if hasem wants to make you rich in 12 hours of work 8 hours of work 10 hours of work you can make you rich working eight hours you're starting to work excessively 14 16 18 hours a day that's excessive work so says the even when you calculate what's reasonable and what's excessive amount of work that you're doing and here underline this if you're going to keep this booklet where he says the following we have an obligation to consider carefully every act before we do it how is it compatible or incompatible with a sense of and everything we're going to say every choice we're going to make every negotiation every deal we're going to strike everything we're going to do we have a responsibility to ask ourselves is this compatible with P or not I'm freaking out at the waiter I'm in a harsh negotiation I'm angry my children I'm taking I'm undermining my competitor I'm leaving the doctor's office with whatever I just heard from the doctor with everything with every emotion with every reaction with every response we have to ask ourselves is this compatible or incompatible how does the with the of do you remember that was only supposed to spend a certain amount of time in prison and he spent more time and Kaz tell us why was yose punished so harshly that he was destined to spend longer than originally do you remember why says he reminds us K tell us because when s was getting released from prison and Ys who had befriended him because he cared enough about him which I'll tell you about in a moment but ysep says tokim when he leaves prison his kartani don't forget to don't forget me remember me and remind parro about me get me out of here andaz say that that was beyond a normative his that was more than initiative ysf in that moment didn't see that act as oh please remind them about me as a form of initiative he saw that as he put his trust in thein for that moment he forgot that God was going to determine whether he was released or not and he put too much faith and trust in s him and for that he was punished that's the level of accountability to which we are held about whether we have faith and trust to realize that in every decision action behavior is this compatible where does B fit into what I'm going whatever I'm going through right now where does B fit in where does it fit in it should be part of our calculus part of the calculation of our attitude through life what was I going to tell you about yose is a tangent but do you know what day it was that Yosef was in prison that that Yos begins to go free it was the day that tell us rabis tell us it was the day remember Yos is in prison with the Y is in prison with the Baker and the wine Bearer and they're languishing in prison and the PK I forgot the P but ysf looks over and sees that their face is very drawn they're very dis they're very sad they're very sad so yosf turns to them and he says what's the matter my brothers what's going on what's going on they say well it's actually it's nice of you to ask but you know we were put here and we had these dreams and ysf interprets the dreams and so on and kazal say what began the process of freedom for Yos was taking notice of the pain of others Yosef had every right sitting in prison to feel very uh to feel very to focus on himself here he is Cast Away by his brothers abandoned by his father falsely accused by his master to whom he brought great riches and success he's sitting in prison he has every reason to wallow in own sorrow and say the heck with everybody else how could this happen to me but he doesn't he notices these two other people and he says what's the matter why are you so sad is there anything I can do for you and it was in that moment of asking noticing the pain of someone else and asking that he began to attain his personal freedom this by the way is this Mida of yose is absolutely confirmed by research in science today you have uh EST loopin our social worker can confirm you have people who are struggling with depression one of the the treatments for depression sometimes it requires medical treatment it's very important shouldn't be neglected but one of the therapies uh for depression is to volunteer it's unbelievable the amount of research that shows that the way to break out of depression is to volunteer it's counterintuitive what do you mean if you're depressed so go to nean Marcus go to sax Avenue if you're depressed that also works okay it comes from a clinician is that your clinical experience if you're depressed if you're depressed have like a caramel frappuccino at Starbucks you know if you're depressed go spoil yourself with something but the research shows that actually if you're depressed the more you focus on yourself the deeper your depression the way to break out of the depression is to volunteer to care about other people ysf exhibited that already a long time ago but anyway the K says you see the level of accountability yose doesn't say I'm banking on hem what does he want me to do let me it's part of my initiative part of my is to remind theim when you get out of here don't forget me he doesn't think that at that moment he feels oh this is my way out the sarkim hey sarash when you get out of here don't forget about me to which Hashem says no no no no I'm your way out that might be the means to your way out but don't ever confuse the two at that moment yosef's was clouded and he was therefore held accountable and that's the degree to which in everything we do part of the Matrix part of the calculation part of our attitude our thought process our conversation has to be where do amuna and it's a fantastic happy is the person fortunate is the person who places his trust her trust in because he put his trust in the he sat in prison two extra years of course y got the last name not by chance y called because he's a righteous person of course he knew that everything relied to but because he approached the chief Butler was decreed he would stay in prison additional years every he knew everything comes from hasem but since human beings are obligated to act and not to depend on Miracles y obligated himself to make use of the opportunity and to enlist the health of the cheap Butler but it's not in the nature of people of that rank to remember and to do favors and therefore this act of ysf was not appropriate it was an act of desperation A desperate person does anything he can even futile actions which someone who trusts in hem should not do he's not obligated to take such actions this act of yose's as it were were akin to throwing dust on the glory of his faith and trust in hem since it was not obligatory it was forbidden so is saying that Ys asking the sash to remember him was something which was out of the ordinary somebody like the sash would never remember him so it was an active Des desperation and an active desperation is a violation of trust in hasem our sages here are referring to yosef's action not to the extent of his Trust of tra trait of trust Yosef knew that no human being could help him only Hashem but his feeling of obligation to ask the chief Butler according to the tradition of our sages came from a mistaken judgment he should not have turned to untrustworthy sources of again we're not held to that standard it's very difficult to us to calculate what fits in under the rubric of initiative and what should be left to trust should I not go to the doctor should I not follow up on the phone call with the meeting should I not try to go should I not try you know what fits in we should do our hisas our effort our initiative maybe even earring on the side of initiative it's hard to calculate what the recipe calls for how much initiative and how much trust but we're simply learning from the fact that ysf who was held to such a high standard because he was such a righteous virtuous individual and look at the accountability for him by the fact that he put his trust in an untrustworthy Source what a mistake it was to a certain degree I don't know if I should say this being recorded even if it weren't but I'm going to say it anyway you know I think about that every day these days don't don't place your trust in elected officials in in in princes in uh in in dignitaries and diplomats don't put your trust in don't put don't put your trust there and uh you know sometimes I think that we we have legitimate concerns about the impact of elected officials in this country and other countries on our people's future on our individual future and we should have that concern and it's important to have that concern and those concerns should impact how we vote and on whose behalf we campaign but when we are too when we when we think the future is too much in the hands of those people if that person is elected Israel will be destroyed this will be end of that this is over like when you put too much trust that Destiny can be shaped by an untrustworthy Source that's also a violation of so again in the human realm these people are going to make real policy decisions that will have real impact and that should certainly influence how we vote on whose behalf we campaign how well informed we are I'm not suggesting that we be ignorant sit at home and don't vote absolutely we have to do that you know how involved in APAC we are advocacy is so critically important but excessive advocacy can undermine when you start to believe that it's not Hashem who has the master plan and maybe some of these things are puppets in that Master Plan you start to put too much faith in the puppets and you forget there's a master plan you become too depressed if you become too depressed that's also a violation of amuna hashem's got a plan there's a way out we've been in much harder situations if you're too dep there's a lot of reasons to be depressed today there's a lot of reasons to be depressed on the present and the future there's a lot of reasons to be depressed if you're too depressed that's also a failure of you've not got out of the equation of the possibility of what the future can hold don't put trust in untrustworthy sources okay o z bottom page 5455 [Applause] there's more to the trait of trust a holy spirit rests on the one who trusts in hem accompanied by a strength of spirit that tells him that Hashem will indeed help him it's an amazing thing the the more you trust in Hashem the more you can draw strength from that trust the more that you fail to trust on Hashem the more on your own you are the more on your own you are so the more you trust in Hashem the more strength and power that he gives you and the less you trust in Hashem and you think it's up to you it's you're on your own kid good luck in life then the more lonely and the more pain that you're in so a person who succeeds in this area of amuna and of trust a spirit of hasem descends upon them because what really happens when you think about it how does B work B is a sense of Consciousness and mindfulness one of the areas that I want to research and hopefully write about and I have dreams and aspirations one day of a book about um over the course of this many sabatical I'm taking is the area of mindfulness and Judaism I have a theory a thesis you know it's very big right now in Psychology the uh notion of mindfulness that happiness directly correlates with mindfulness that meaning and purpose in life directly correlate with mindfulness that's the catch word today mindfulness I believe that all of Torah and all of Judaism is a platform and a prescription for leading a mindful life from beginning from that from when we wake up in the morning we're supposed to see God opposite us always to the fact that the Torah legislates and regulates how you tie your shoes what goes in your mouth what comes out of your mouth what you think about what you look at what you see what you say what you after you come out of the bathroom it's a mindfulness of appreciation it's a mindfulness in relationships it's a mindfulness of time it's a mindfulness of pleasure it's a mindfulness of of of diet and of discipline every aspect of Jewish law is really reinforcing an attitude of mindfulness of consciousness of presence in all that we do and it begins with that if you live your life at every moment with a sense that that Hashem is always with me always and forever consistently wherever I am Hashem is there he's part of the calculation and that should inform how I act and who I am and what I say and how I behave and how I react way begins that every Jew every day should live life as if opposite them were God is opposite us Hashem is always with me everywhere and in every moment if you felt that were true by the way you go somewhere with somebody you walk into a room with a very powerful figure you're can to have a very different attitude you're going have much less worry and concern and fear you're going to feel a lot more confidence and Trust if you get stuck in a situation but you're with a very powerful person there'll be a way out you know there'll be a way out and that's the attitude wherever we are and whenever we are that Hashem is always with us a mindfulness a Consciousness that Hashem is always with us so when the K describes that a person who succeeds in exercising the muscle a person who acquires the attribute of that the rues the Holy Spirit rests on them and really means travels with them well that makes a lot of sense if God is always with you then God will always be with you if God is always with you because you've chosen to bring him into everything you do then he'll be there with every difficult decision or every piece of information or news or every disappointment moment or every happy moment and joyous moment and successful moment Hashem will always be there you'll feel the spirit of Hashem and that will guide you as said we're going to say this every day of if you bring a host upon me my heart will have no fear if a war comes upon me have a big discussion what's the bizos and this I will trust but in any case means if I am successful in having Hashem with me always a war could come upon me but I'll always trust AEM this matter varies according to the level of the person's trust and his degree of Holiness in other words the conviction of a person who complete trust in hem can indeed bring about a good outcome as opposed to a bad one we also have this idea in Psychology that there's a notion of negative energy and positive energy and that the energy and the aura that we put off creates a reality around us if you carry yourself with a negative energy you create a negative reality if you're uh depressed you know everything is negative and everything's a hyper criticism and everything is judgmental and everything is your fabis and you're miserable and you're this and you're that you create that real reality around you in your relationships and in your health and in your destiny it's just all negative air negative energy and on the other hand if you have a positive energy everything is optimistic and upbeat and hopeful and everything's positive everything's going to work out and everything's great and everything's good then uh then you're going to create that reality you know we all exchange these these courtesy greetings of how you're doing no one really cares about the answer nobody really follows up on the answer but there's really two types of there's people who say I hate when people say can't complain that's the reality say everything's great your eyes are working your feet are working your ears are working your mouth's working there's a roof over your head you have a car to drive you have food in your mouth you have a family if you're fortunate if you're blessed you have you have blessings what do you mean it's not can't complain can't complain can't complain look back at the generations of Jewish people and if history the circumstances in which we had to live the pain the persecution the forums the disappointments the challenges and the best we got on the way out of Starbucks with your triple cappuccino caramel whatever on your way into your air conditioned car with your power steering power windows power this with your phone which can talk into and tells you where there's traffic so you'll never sit in traffic again in your life there's a police and your answer how's life can't complain I want to complain but I can't complain my default is to complain I wish I had something to complain about yesterday tomorrow but today can't complain it's not can't complain fantastic everything is fantastic and even when it's not fantastic it's fantastic whatever is not fantastic is infinitely more fantastic than what not fantastic looks like thank God how's life it's fantastic so we have an energy a positive or A negative energy we're either living life with Bon or we're not you know there's no agnostic in life there's no agnostic the there's three choices in philosophy you go to philosophy 101 in college and you can have a Believer you can have an atheist and you can have an agnostic the believer believes there's a God there's a creator of the universe is's intimately involved in his or her life every day The Atheist there's no God random chance we came to be by fluke there's nothing the agnostic says I don't know I'm not sure it's possible yes possible no I'm unconvinced maybe maybe so you know that's nice in the the of philosophy but in life you're either leading your life as a Believer or you're leading your life as an atheist you can't lead your life as an agnostic there's no lifestyle that goes with an agnostic you're either making decisions in your life and bringing God into your life or you've kicked him out of your life and you're Assuming he's not involved in your life you can't hedge in your life well I'm not sure if he exists so here's how I hedge you know Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays I live with God there and Sunday Tuesday and Wednesday I live as if God doesn't you're either a Believer or you're an atheist you can't live an agnostic lifestyle but you can be a believer and not be practicing Jew so that's why there's all different Jewish levels well you can be a believer and not be an observant Jew of of Hal correct because maybe you believe he's here he created the universe but you don't believe he gave us these minua detailed laws maybe you do but you can't overcome your Temptations all of us say say that um every time that we I hate the word sin but every time that we the mark miss the mark but every time that we um have an indiscretion it's an act of heresy because at the moment that you it's it's simply impossible to believe that God exists and he wants this from you and to violate that so if we're violating it it means we had a moment of insanity we had this a few weeks ago when it says Isa when a woman we call her a s so comes from the um sin test he which means like a sha somebody who's who's lost their mind because at the moment and that's what happens it happens in the extreme sometimes right at the moment that a person does a terrible indiscretion and loses their whole life because a moment of weakness is that they literally lost their mind they they it was a moment of insanity it's a moment of Sal Insanity induced by a Moment of the pleasure of the flesh right you could have a moment of insanity which is induced by all sorts of reasons but it's a moment of insanity and the same is true with us when we violate God's will if we really believe God exists at that moment there was a moment of insanity we really denied God existed at that moment it's the only way that you could do that is that you for that moment denied that denied God exists or denied that's what he wants from you or denied there's a consequence for not listening so we have these moments of insanity these moments of denial that we go through that's the people that are like reform and conservative like I find I me people that real believers they really believe in God and and you're saying that when they violate things that like that we would practice like keeping Shabbat or whatever that's just a moment of insanity and they're going to come back I think it's more complicated than that I think that a person's background their childhood their education has a major impact on who they are so I think many of those people area they weren't exposed to they weren't raised with the premise that this is absolute truth and it's non-negotiable and it's binding so for them what they were raised with is that there's a creative univers is God and I'm proud Jew and here's what I have to do in other words they're absolutely observant within their denomination of what obser means to them so but but sticking within our denomination we too I mean how do you talk lash God told you don't talk no we have a moment we talk lash God said I want you to D with kavana then our mind laps if we don't have kavana God said I want you to be honest on your taxes never ever take a a business a lunch with a friend as a business expense and people give into their weakness how does that happen if you believe God created the universe this what he wants from you he'll be terribly disappointed there are consequences to violating so how does it happen the only way it happens is because at that moment we have this moment of insanity we're in denial either that he exists or that he asked of us that or that there are consequences for it but if we live that's what the is saying and is ending this chapter of with this is that if we are mindful if we dedicate Our Lives to living a conscientious presence the the the cognizance that Hashem is involved in my life always well Hashem is sitting right in the room I'm not going to tell you lashara I'll wait till he leaves oh he never leaves he's always in the room I guess I got to keep the lashara to myself right hashem's in the room I'm not going to watch this I it's shocking to me I'm not going to rewrite this cuz I already wrote that article once when I wrote the article about the Shades of Gray but the amount of proudly staunchly observant Jews who who show off about watching series of TV shows which have blatantly violence rape and nudity I've read about I haven't seen but how many from Jews are talking about their obsession with the show called Game of Thrones okay you have you watched it you're keeping up with it I'm not judging you keep it to yourself everyone we have mistakes we have shortcomings we have failures we keep it to ourselves but from passionately sincere I hate the word from used to say a g is from a Jew is means a priest is from a Jew is from I can't you can't you can't do justice to Translating that but you have people very sincere people and they they they they're firm they D with kavana and they dress and this and they're on Facebook I can't wait for the next episode I'm nobody here I'm not judging anybody but I'm just saying you you read you see that's what's incompatible that's what there should be a sense of Shame a little sense of Shame a little sense of BU it's myara I gave to myar everybody's talking about the series I checked it out I got hooked I watch it it's an admission it's myara okay not I'm not saying I've never watched the show in my life I'm not making admission now I'm saying somebody who says that okay it's an admission but to show off about it to brazenly boldly show off about it so forget the other denominations and forget anyone else just look into ourselves we all make mistakes so would we W that's what I was saying would you watch that show if Hashem were sitting on the couch next to you hey Hashem new episode Game of Thrones let's check it out together would you watch would you watch the show with him sitting next to you would you go there or say that or listen to this or act like that or do this or do that I just you know all of us we people use Niel they use curse words people use there's a million things I have my own shortcomings we speak lashar we look at things we shouldn't look at I'm not I'm not judging anyone else I have my own many many shortcomings and I can tell you every time I have that shortcoming it's a failure to remember that hm is in the room and when are you at your best you know all the time whenever we have a Shiva Minion or there's a person who for whatever reason is transporting a safer Torah they'll always talk about the fact that the Torah was in the house meant everyone behaved differently like you know the Torah was in the house so you couldn't do the normal things you did you know people spoke differently did this differently dressed differently act differently sa Tor is in the room is always in the room's always in the room whatever room wherever you go hm's always in the room so you know that could get awkward at times but Hashem is always in the room room even in those moments because it means that there's a Holiness a sanctity that that that rules everything in moments of affection and in in the bathroom and comeing in the shower there's there's ways to behave that are um dignified and that are Godly in every scenario in every situation that are that are sacred and that are that are holy and so this should inform and Inspire everything we do and when we don't when we forget for a minute for an hour for a day for a month for a year all of us struggle at different periods of our life with forgetting that Hashem is in the room it has its impact it has its impact so that's is ending his section on with the statement that if you if we all can get committed to flexing the amuna muscle and to cultivating the amuna attribute within ourselves if we can succeed in taking Hashem with us always and he's always in the room the BR that we will find it's going to transform Our lives our marriage our would scream at your kids if Hashem were in the room would you be screaming at the top of your lungs at your kids if Hashem were in the room would you be having that fight if Hashem were in the room would you be your our whole life will improve our whole life will be transformed our whole life will be different if we take a moment and say how would I react in this situation if has were in the room would I forward that email would I this that or the other how would I behave if Hashem were in the room in each moment we would we would be different and that's the that's the and that's the promise work on this attribute succeed in this attribute and you'll see the P you'll see the the incredible bra the incredible blessing that will come as a result I want that's the end of tell you a quick thought on this week's para you have time for a quick thought yeah we have time for a quick thought on this week para so uh is this for me EST yeah thank you so much this week's par is this is the of the Torah the commentary is ask and then the Torah goes on to tell us the laws ofum if an individual is impure through contact with the corpse the way they become purified is by the sprinkling of Ashes mixed with water and the ashes are produced from a red heer a aduma why should that work it's it's a paradoxical rule the one who purifies the other becomes impure themselves makes no sense if the mixture if the recipe I'm holding is enough to purify you why should I become impure in the process it's the classic Paradox even said said I wanted to become wise I tried to understand it's so far away from me I couldn't understand it it's a so par begin this is the and the commentar is asked what do you mean this is the of the whole Torah H is a rule that that we can't comprehend that I can't understand this isn't the whole Torah this is one narrow specific rule this is one law namely it should have said this is the law having to do with purification or having to do with the red heer what do you mean I think it was the I don't remember where I saw this but the somebody explains what it means is the following a is a law that I don't understand my attitude towards observing that which I don't understand reflects my true attitude towards that what I'm doing that I do understand what do I mean if I only observe Mitzvah that make sense to me that I understand that do something for me am I worshiping Hashem or am I worshiping my life and my lifestyle and myself if I'm only willing to do what makes sense to me what enhances my life what enriches me what I see I'm not really in a relationship with God at all so like I have a good friend who's an atheist he says he an atheist but I think he's a big believer but he says he's an atheist but he's been doing a lot of shabas I said like what's the deal why I would go to the be what are you doing with shabas if you're an atheist he says you know I don't believe in God but the shabas thing is a good thing time with family disconnecting from technology it enhances my life it's a it's an objectively good thing it's reasonable I like it it's good so I do it I say well that person is not in a relationship with God they're in a relationship with themselves and that's true for every area of life if you say you know I keep kosher because it's it's cultivating a sense of discipline within me it's good it's good for me so you're not really in a relationship with God in a relationship with yourself how do you know if everything you're doing is really about God or is about you and the answer is in your attitude towards a it's the same as true in marriage in marriage you know a lot of times a spouse asks the other spouse to do something you say well that's reasonable that makes a lot of sense could you please make the plane tickets for our vacation absolutely I'm all in give me a keyboard get me the computer I'm all in that makes a lot of sense I'm all in then his spous says would you do something and it makes no sense to you makes I could do that later I don't have to do it in that way or with that person and they're trying to convince you but but I'm asking you to he said but that doesn't make sense but I listen we've gone in circles 15 times you're not going to understand why I'm asking you to if you love me you want me to be happy I'm asking you to it's in that moment that the rest of the entire relationship is determined is everything you're always doing because it makes sense to you and it works for you and it enhances you so it never ever was really about me or is it always somewhat about me but it happens to be good for you too how will you know the answer to that question in those moments where it doesn't make sense to you and are you willing to do it for me anyway so that's why T theuma is not just about theuma the attitude towards theuma is about all of Torah and MIT is it about us or is it about Hashem so part of am living a life of am is to understand and recognize that as we go through life it's not just about what makes sense to us it's about forfeiting and submitting ourselves to Hashem and those moments of greatest challenge where we don't have Clarity and we don't understand our capacity to Forfeit and submit in those moments reflects on all the rest of our life of the is it really genuine and is it something which is really real there won't be any divorces if you live that way right there shouldn't be there shouldn't be there always are anyway not everybody's compatible there are iron vible differences but yeah living a mindfulness of hem will enhance every area of life in general all right have a fantastic week everybody recording