(Part 236): DMC With Hashem

good morning welcome back to living with amuna our weekly study and attempt and effort to grow in our amuna our support group with one another to try to feel the presence of Hashem to feel him uplift us and watch us and support us to turn to him to feel accountable to him and to be able to grow closer and closer to him want to thank our generous sponsors for the year Dr zavi and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr Brian gal but in memory of Bella's mother Dr Ellen chander as well this morning she is sponsored by Kayla and David has the thank you so much for your generosity and for Your sponsorship we continue in moranor we've been learning about Sim he says is the best metric the best measurement forun an individual who living with an awareness and a mindfulness a consciousness of the role of Hashem in our lives is we're able to feel a sense of calm and tranquility and serenity and relief were're able to make room for Sim and for joy and a person who's absent Hashem in their life who feels it's either all up to them or they're a victim of Randomness and chance then they will be robbed of peace and serenity they'll be robbed of Simka they'll be overwhelmed by anxiety and stress and worry and sadness what are the impediments to Simka we have been going through what are the biggest obstacles what are the detractors that take away our sense of sim we spoke about regret for the past embarrassment and shame for the past a person who gets stuck on the mistakes they've made person who feels inadequate person who feels feels unimportant a person who feels inferior when a person is stuck on the past they feel broken how could you be when you live with regret and shame and guilt to be able to be to live with is to recognize we learn from the past but it cannot paralyze our present we have to live in the present that's the only Dimension we can control and therefore while we learn from the past we don't get stuck there but we're able to transition and pivot to the present to live it most fully and to make the choice to be the other impediment or obstacle is fear for the future people who sacrifice the present because they're lost in worry anxiety about the future what will be and what how will we control it and how we respond to it and what's going to happen but we're not yet there we're not yet in the future we can't allow that to either Rob us of our Serenity or of our peace and now we move on to the next so what's the answer or antia when you realize that what happened and what occurred is what was meant to be and what will happen and will will occur is also what's meant to be when we live with a mindfulness and a Consciousness that there is a Hashem in our life he's in control he's in power everything is for a reason then we can make the choice to be happy happiness is not an emotion it is a choice it is a decision that we make when we smile we feel happy don't wait to feel happy to smile continues Morganstern when a person is daving we have a lack we have a need there's something that we want something we want materially or physically there's something we want to have good health there's something we want when children or when there's something that we want peace in our vicinity or around the world when there's something legitimate that we very badly want if a person looks and perceives if a person feels I'm not being answered I've asked and I've have unburdened myself and I have pushed Hashem in the 13 synonyms for prayer of we've learned it you could find our entire series online 13 synonyms for prayer zaka neul and so on and so forth I've tried them all Hashem I've butchered you I've pestered you I've demanded I've request I've cried I've laughed I've asked you in each and every way and yet you don't answer I'm incomplete I'm broken I'm bereft I'm lacking that which I want keep asking for that I keep asking for my children to Bab I keep asking for sh I keep asking for par I keep asking for from Grand church I keep asking and it feels like you're not answering it feels like you're not listening then a person can spiral into a place of atas of sadness sadness to feel that you're being neglected F sadness to feel that you're being ignored sadness to feel that what you want is not happening says morst and here are worlds of living with amuna and six minutes s Snippets are overlapping we're almost up to the amida says Morganstern we have a formula and the tradition the formula that we have for a successful prayer successful daving is first praising Hashem and only then against that backdrop requests from hem and then praising hem we begin with SH what are we doing buttering up Hashem kissing up to Hashem we're praising him to position him are we going to exploit or extort from Hashem so first we say Hashem did we mention how good you look today did we mention how smart you are how kind you are how great you are oh by the way oh great one who's so handsome and good-looking would you mind giving me and providing me exactly what I want and need no that's not the role sh is not positioning Hashem taking advantage of Hashem is putting oursel in a sense of sim with when we realize we have an audience with the Almighty we are in the presence of the one who's entirely in control we're in we are in with the one who's on top then we feel a sense of sim so when we understands who is he why am I asking him why am I meeting with him why do I expect of him oh oh that's right I remind myself who he is and who I am I remind myself of why I submit and surrender to him I remind myself of why I turn him so we begin with because it yields and it brings to everything hasem does is good and that gives us a sense of we feel relief and we feel Serene and we feel tranquil and we feel happy because whatever will be it was meant to be if the alarm clock goes off and I wake up what if I sleep through if I make the flight I miss the flight if I have the red light or if I have the green light whatever happens is what's meant to be and that is and therefore when we and then we move over once we began with Shabah I know who he is I know who I am he's omnipotence he's infinite he's all knowing he's all controlling I'm finite and I'm limited and whatever I think it is what I want what do I even know it's only against that backdrop it's only on that Foundation then now I turn to him with konos now that I realize I'm whole and I'm complete as long as I attach myself to you now we can talk about the ways and which I feel on the surface incomplete here's what I could really use here's what from my finite perspective seems and feels like would be very helpful from my finite limited perspective here is what feels like and what seems like it would be great if you agree please provide it and give it to me but only if you agree if you don't I defer to you if you don't I'd rather you the infinite one be in control so we begin with SH We Begin by finding the serenity the Peace of Mind the happiness and the joy to know that whatever happens is from you now that we know that now I can Confidant and comfortably ask do you mind do you think could you provide if yes and if that's what you also think is great fantastic if not I'm also cool I'm also still whole because I end with SH with the reminder and with the reinforcement and with the rearticulation and the reaffirmation that hasem you're in control you're in charge you know will answer us and he will accept our sometimes the answer is no there's never no answer but it's not always the answer we want sometimes it's not a yes because it's a no we get rejected from 100 jobs because the 101st is the one that was meant for us we dated hundreds of people because the 101st 21st 301st is the right one and was worth waiting for and discovering and finding out sometimes doors close but those doors close to prevent us from walking in the wrong room the wrong space because a door closes another one opens for us even when we don't see a reaction a response when we don't see things falling in line the way we want we don't feel like he's answering us he didn't answer a yes but that doesn't mean it's not an answer just because you don't get a yes doesn't mean there's no answer no is also an answer we need to believe that everything does is for the best just read a story the S of mosha sopur when he got married at a deal he was being provided for by his wife's brother who was a wealthy successful Financial wizard until one day he noticed on a shabas that his wife was not wearing her normal tile apparently that had gold woven into it she was wearing something much more simple much more plain when the inquiry found out that his brother-in-law had hit hard times could no longer financially support and now his wife needed to sell that gold head covering in order to be able to afford to provide but she hadn't told him she didn't want to disrupt or compromise his learning she didn't want him to worry but when he learned that he felt it was unfair to continue to be a burden to his brother-in-law or to his wife to have to sell some of her most precious things so he went into the rabanas and when he went into the rabanas the world was changed for the better so it felt like a painful thing in that moment s lost the source of his support to learn full time changed the future in the face of CLA because it forced samur into position that we the Jewish people in perpetuity needed him to be sometimes doors closed sometimes the answer is a no no but what feels like a no is Hashem answering for us Bam's donkey blocks the way and billum responds and thinks why is there an obstacle why is there a blockage why is something preventing me from going on the path why is there a no but the no was really for his own benefit the no is a yes sometimes the best thing for us is not what we want Hashem has to sometimes protect us from ourselves what we think what we insist what we relentlessly Pur or demand what we think is right or best for us is not and sometimes hasem has to protect us even from ourselves so that doing is never wasted it's never squandered it's banked it's deposited it is always collected and it feels like a no to that heartfelt desperate emotional request and maybe there was a no to it but the f is never wasted we never know when that withdrawal will come or will be necessary low and therefore a person should never concentrate or focus on whether they were answered or not it's not a function or a question of whether I was answered it's not a question or a function of whether it was a yes this last sentence I think is the most important R says the yes is not whether our request or our F was answered the yes is we had an audience with the Almighty the yes is the bond and the connection and the conversation you know young people have a um a saying young people talk about now an acronym DMC where were you I was having a DMC with my teacher with my sister with my friend ABA we haven't had a DMC in a long time do you want a DMC I don't know if it's a verb a noun DMC what is a DMC a deep meaningful conversation has its own name has its own acronym NOW a DMC a deep meaningful conversation you know what makes a good DMC is not necessarily you met with someone you had a request you had an ask and they said yes a DMC is not necessarily transactional A DMC is not necessarily functional or pragmatic a DMC is not measured by did I walk away with what I want the DMC is itself the benefit I had a DMC it was a deep and meaningful conversation well what' you get nothing what was the response nothing what' they give you nothing then what was the point of it because it was a DMC deep meaningful conversation just that connection just that conversation is deep and it's meaningful there's value say you have an audience with the almighty you're in his inner chamber you have a deep meaning of conversation you can unload and unburden you can ask you could protest you could object you could de anything and that DMC even if you walk away the measure of whether it was a meaningful is not did he say yes not did we get what we want because sometimes what we want is not what's best for us sometimes Hashem has to protect us from us so the measure of a meaningful the measure of a beautiful or high level is not whether we got a yes it's not whether we got what we want but it's did we walk away with a d MC was it a deep and meaningful conversation did we feel that connection did we feel that connection that is what so beautifully writes he writes in the footnote is get high on God take joy and pleasure in God and then he will give you so what do you mean then he'll give us if your source of joy is that Hashem is not functional you're not using Hashem it's not that you measure the relationship did he give me what I want if he did then I love him if he didn't then I don't this is not a transactional relationship with Hashem but it's rather a DMC what did I want to feel connected what do I want to feel heard what do I want to feel loved what do I want to feel the div Divine attention the attention of the Divine well I got that did he answer me or not that's not important he's in charge he's in control he knows what's best what matters is I unloaded I unburdened I connected I felt his affection and his love so when we are when we reflexively transform ourselves to get high on him to feel his presence then he gives us everything our heart wants what our heart really wants is to feel close to him did we get what we want that time will tell but that's up to him because he determines what's in our best it has to be praise first I'm whole I'm complete I don't need anything I have you now by the way let me tell you a few things if you would consider I could use but only what you want and then we end with but I'm whole I'm complete I don't need them in order to feel connected but if you enter right away with supplications requests needs or or we don't reaffirm if we don't reinforce afterwards that I'm complet I'm whole you're in charge no then we fail to sadness when it feels like we haven't been answered when it feels like we don't get what we want then we fall and collapse into a state of sadness our happiness and sadness should not be a result of did we get what we want cuz what we want is not necessarily what is best it should be based on did I feel connected was it a DMC was I present was it real do I feel his love and his affection as a result result so the last obstacle we saw to Happiness is when we feel that our doing is not being heard but our doing is heard if the goal and purpose of our daving is to feel that we were in his presence then by definition and predictably and consistently we can feel that it was productive and that we were heard if the goal was a DMC if it was transactional if we measure it by the results then Tak we may fall to sadness so so the way to never be sad and the way to remain even when it feels we're not hurting our is to move our expectation it's to change and adjust our expectation of what we want out of do we want out of transactional do we want out of closeness if it's closeness we can have it any time we want we're going to stop here a little bit of a shortened the sheer today we pick up next time with Perl which is we're going to move over to practical suggestions and practical ways that we can feel until next time stay happy stay healthy stay holy