Part 134: You Can Know With Certainty and Confidence

Boer toen good morning thank you to our generous sponsors of the series for the year Dr zavi and Bella Morgan who sponsored in memory of our beloved friend Brian galit bar Ru nasan they generously are sponsoring the year but that does not preclude you from sponsoring on any given week so feel free to speak to Linda or Lee or anyone in the office and arrange Your sponsorship just a housekeeping note we are not at meeting the next two Wednesdays next week my niece is getting married amem and the week after that Rabbi bro's daughter is getting married inem so at least if we're not meeting it should be for Simas so we're not meeting for the next two weeks you're welcome to meet on your own and continue our Amun support group without me but uh but I will not be here okay we're starting a new liud we're going to start learning something new today and we'll see how it goes whether we continue it's a very popular settis farum that came out several years ago one by one originally it was printed anonymously under the name b Mish the series anyone ever hear of it it's a very very beautiful series very powerful I would learn the original books I think it's up to volume I don't even know what by now an incredible number of volumes have come out and the author is uh is now no longer Anonymous and goes around speaking they've translated much of it including what we're going to learn but we're going to learn it in the original Hebrew which is the way it was intended to be learned and the way that learning should happen in our lash Hesh so here he has a um a subset of his called know your because he has a whole set of know yourself know your creator no this is know your all right so we'll see how it goes and here he's talking about the relationship between belief and Trust in ourselves or belief and Trust in others self-confidence not in the best sense of the word there's an illness where people lack self-confidence it's bad to have no self-confidence to have anxiety insecurity fear about one's own capacity or competency that's an illness so we need a healthy degree of self-confidence it's very important to have self-confidence to have self- Lov famously says have love your neighbor as yourself the prerequisite within the Mitzvah of loving your neighbor love your neighbor as you so what's the assumption that first there's a Mitzvah to to love yourself now again I always say some people need to love themselves a little less but many need to love themselves a little more they don't love themselves they don't believe in themselves they don't trust themselves so we're not talking about the healthy self-confidence which is necessary to operate and to live we're talking about an unhealthy disproportionate selfconfidence where you think that everything is about you and you are in control and you can manipulate and you can micromanage and you are in charge of absolutely everything and everyone around you and when you do you are competing with the almighty with the one above because if you have tooo much trust and faith and confidence in yourself you leave no room for him on the other hand if you have too much trust and faith in him then you totally concede or forfeit or cop out when it comes to yourself I won't go to work I won't go to the doctor I won't go to the gym I won't go to anything in life I just sit back and wait for it to happen and say I have faith in Hashem I have faith in hem so let's start this discussion this uh analysis uh revolves around this question that a person has a relationship with B to trust and faith it's either in a or themselves or with some external influence or power or Source I trust in my neighbor I trust in my doctor I trust in my lawyer I trust in my mechanic I trust in my stock broker I trust in the other so one can either be trusting in themselves trusting in God or trusting in the other and fill in the blank about what the other is most of the discussions about this Arena this area revolve around the tension the balance between the effort the initiative we need to take and conceding and turning to hasem to the degree that in many cases the more a person has and Trust in the less effort and initiative they take and that's a problem that's a problem because invites us to be his partner he wants us to take initiative the problem is when you do the opposite when you place the focus in the emphasis not on trusting hasem but our own initiative then you cut God out you work excessively you you try excessively you worry excessively because you're you are trusting in yourself that expression means self-confidence nasala it's quoted as a asset it's a virtue so the author of The says that self-confidence which begins as a healthy virtue if over invested in and focused on can actually become a vice overconfidence too much self-confidence is a major is a major major is a major problem I think I quoted Daniel kahanan a couple of months ago in aussa who said that that was the problem if he could change anything about the world today it would be overconfidence overconfidence how many mistakes have happened in the world disasters of the world financial disasters environmental disasters interpersonal relationship disasters because of overconfidence overconfidence people thinking they know too much or people thinking they're too capable people thinking they're too in charge and the overconfidence leads to disaster and when asked what's one thing he would change in the world that would make it a better place he said overconfidence he would change a sense of overconfidence we just had Daniel kahanan is a Nobel prize winning uh Economist Economist so Rashi just had in the do a couple days ago one of the many places that Rashi comments on something and says I don't know Rashi the great commentator without whom the gamar the would be a closed book Rashi had no hesitation to say I don't know but we live in a world where it's considered to be a deficiency you're considered to have something wrong if you say I don't know shouldn't say I don't know you have to know everything has to be at your fingertips have to be capable of everything but to say you know I don't know I really don't know either I don't know I'm going to look into it or on some of the very complicated complex issues of the day to say I don't know I don't know whether this peace plan is going to work not work is perfect is imperfect I don't know I don't know what the policy should be about X Y or Z I don't have a crystal ball and I can't see the future but overconfidence is the Kryptonite which has caused many to sabotage their own happiness success uh relationships to sabotage their own lives I'll tell you a story um last week two weeks ago and I were at a wedding south of us 45 minute drive from here and they were there with a bunch of friends were there and um one group of friends one couple had left before us and texted there's crazy traffic at I95 don't take it I said why would they not have put on ways to go home so she texted did you use ways I said no no we knew our way we knew the way to get home so we didn't use ways I said when I leave Montoya Circle I don't care if I'm going to Publix if I'm leaving on to Circle I go on ways why I know how to get to Publix doesn't mean I go but I know how to get there if I needed to I know how to go there so why do I put on ways every time I go somewhere even when I think I know how to go I'll tell you why first of all tells you where the police are but I'll tell you why because I can only see what's right in front of me so I can see as far down as a block two blocks can't see around the corner you can't see five blocks ahead and you have no idea what's out there there could be someone had an accident there could be construction there could be a stalled car there could be a traffic there could be an earthquake which was felt in Miami that caused a backup who knows what's happening more than two blocks ahead so let's see I think I know the way so should I be overconfident and say I'm going to drive the way I'm supposed to go because I know how to get there or should I say you know there's a satellite somewhere in the sky and it's able to see around the corner and it's able to see not only five blocks ahead it's able to see between me and my destination and it's able to provide for me the authoritative absolute best way to get there so which one should I pursue my limited finite very scope is very small uh thank you I mean bless you see Isa I said thank you you sneezed they said bless you I said thank you it's Mish such a beautiful thing um no okay put that in put that in an anniversary card one day so so what should you do you're setting out to try to go somewhere should you go you say I know how to go I don't need no ways I don't need anyone telling me where to go I don't need anyone telling me how to go go I know had to go how many of us remember either growing up watching others or being involved themselves the fights that took place and especially the newk area should you take the West Side Highway or the FDR Drive should you take the Lincoln Tunnel or the George Washington Bridge quick quick put on 10 10 News it's almost a 10's and you'll hear the traffic and then we're not to go and one person in the passenger seat has a map spread out like this and the other person's yelling at them I told you we should take the George Washington Bridge and now we're backed up and we're going to be late to the L the Thanksgiving dinner and that how much Shalom bias was out the window before we had ways because everybody guessed which is I know the better way to go there's always traffic this time of day and you never trust me and I'm always right you always say that but you're never right I'm always right how much fighting that went on so today we live in blessed times and we have on on your phone you push a button put in the address and now Min literally literally Min from the heaven it tells you no no no there's traffic there you don't see it cuz you're finite you can only see what's in front of you but I see that there's traffic and there's an accident they rerouted and there's a parade and there's a stalled car and there's a you don't know it but I know it because I see so how should we live our lives with the limited amount that we can see overconfident that we know how to get there or should we live our lives with the Ron Shalom who's our ways who says I see from the sky and I see five steps ahead and I know the absolute better way for you to go and you should defer to me I'm not deferring to you so that's this tension between and is it our initiative and overconfidence I know how to get there in life I know what to do I know how to get there I know how to bring about the results I want is that the overconfidence with which we should live or should we do our effort we still have to drive the car but defer in the direction to ways to the satellite that sees from high up above so before we talk about in what to invest our our trust and faith let's first Define it let's first Define it what does it mean what does it what is the root within us what is the source within us that enables or allows us to put our trust or faith in anything understand by the way that we are putting our trust and faith from the moment we wake up until fall asleep if you go to the store and you bought milk that you put in your coffee you're trusting it's not poisoned if you're crossing a street you're trusting that the light is not broken and you're not about to get into a fatal direct accident I'm I don't mean to increase anyone's Neurosis here by giving you this I see the faces right now everyone's making an appointment with their therapist for this afternoon I don't mean to make you more nervous I'm just saying it's just a reality if you woke up this morning and you had the confidence to get out of bed how'd you know the roof wasn't going to cave in how' you know there was really a floor beneath you how did you know when you brush your teeth that the water that came out of the faucet wasn't contaminated how did you know before your day even started you put your trust in a million things you put your trust in a good billion things before you ever even opened your eyes this morning how did you know so where is the shes what is the root that is within us that is enabling or allowing us to put our trust in anything to be awake and to be alive and to be able to get out of bed in the morning so the language of comes from the word tells us that if you want to understand the concept if you want to understood what a word merely means go to the first place in the Torah that it's ever used and if you go to the first place in the Torah that's ever used you'll understand what it means so this word as the word is first used in the context of we all remember the story The First me2 story in the Torah Dena is captured Dena is raped she has two brothers who step up and stand out on her behalf Shimon and Ley how old are they at the time M tells they're 13 years old and from here we know what that's when you become a man because to become a man is to stand up for others you can be 60 years old and if you continue to allow others around you to be hurt you're not a man and 13 years old if you step up and defend those who are defenseless if you step up and help those who need protection that's what it means to become an adult that's what it means to be mature that's what it means to be a a man so shim and Le this is where we learned the age of bar mitzvah from According to some opinions shim and Le step up to defend their sister Dena how do they do it they come up with a great scheme Yakov is not so happy with the scheme later on his death bed when he gives Theos Yakov criticizes their impetuousness impulsiveness he thinks they risked the Jewish people by doing this uh really courageous move in other words that what they did is not necessarily wrong yakob just thought strategically it was the wrong way to go even though in the end it proved to be successful what did they doam the son of the son ofor had raped Dina and that was I guess in their culture a way of expressing love and he wanted to marry her and uh so shim Le said yeah that'd be beautiful let's integrate our people our communities that'd be wonderful oh there's just one little detail before we can do that we have this one requirement you may not make so much sense to you it's little unusual it's called circumcision no anesthesia on adults so we're going to need everyone all the men to get circumcised and then we'll be able to exchange sh reses and we'll we'll figure the whole thing out we'll take it from there so for love what will a man not do soem convinces the whole people the city of Shem this is the origin of the city the name of the city of Shem to of course get circumcised and what were shim and Ley thinking all along what was up their up their sleeve was that the moment adult men circumcised themselves with no anastesia they're somewhat compromised their ability to fight is not exactly at its top form so of course they come and they take care of the whole city I spoke about Monday in the afternoon Co in another context isn't that a form of collective punishment isn't that immoral and unethical what did everyone else in the city do Ben raped Dina but you had everyone else compromise themselves and then you came and you wiped out all the men in the city isn't that a gross violation of collective punishment I said that that uh I have a good friend who says we want to get back Hadar Golden's body andon been Herz Soul just turn off the electricity to Gaza and tell him it doesn't go back on till we get the bodies no electricity no heat no power no lights no nothing turn it off all of Gaza nothing till we get the bodies back now the problem is that the people in Gaza are so ruthless and cruel that they would let their own people suffer and die before that they would give back those bodies so my friend would say good let it happen let him stay there till he get it back all right what about Collective punishment what are the morals and ethics of collective punishment so there's a big discussion about this which we're not going to get into for now but in that context Shimon and Ley if you think about it every war is a form that's the maral answers maral says every war is collective punishment every time you bomb a city you bomb an enemy and there's civilian casualties it's a collective punishment of the civilian casualties but that's that's War that's War so there are different rules of Murder in the context of life and in the context of war in life if I aim a gun at someone else and shoot them I'm a murderer it's a capital crime in a war if I aim a gun and an enemy and shoot them I'm a hero I get a medal and a star it's the same act why in one am I a murderer or Capital crime in the other I'm a hero I get a medal because war is a different context that's the mar says collected so when when raped Dina it was a declaration of war and in a declaration of war there's no such thing as collective punishment that's how the maral answers now you can sleep at night so shim and Le come to the city and it says how did they come to the city they came to the city key word for us is they came to the city what does that mean and they killed all the men when did they come to wipe them out on specifically the third day the third day after surgery is when we're the most vulnerable is when we are the worst so what does it mean they came bet bet meant a sure bet bet meant there was no opposition no adversary no chance of losing it was a sure thing bet why was it a sure thing because they had absolutely rigged the system they had rigged the game they had absolutely rigged the game it wasn't a fair fight to begin with the other side had zero chance whatsoever you know like if you're the Patriots or Red Sox just rigged the game so the other side has no chance what so no has no chance whatsoever okay we'll just leave it at that so that's what it means that's what it means so now we've defined what what does it mean when they came to the city they came entirely confident not overc confident in themselves but confident in plan the plan the result confident in the outcome confident it would work out for the best it would work out favorably confident it would work out in a way that wanted such a beautiful Insight he has what is then what does it mean to live with a sense of it means to live with Shorty with confidence it means to live knowing that what is meant to be is what's going to happen that's what means means knowing with no anxiety no worry no fear no concern no doubt no uncertainty it means knowing absolute knowing with certainty that what's meant to be will be that the outcome that's intended is what's going to happen to live life with a sense of the system is rigged in our lives you know how it's rigged not by us the system is rigged if we are close with Hashem then he says you can have bet you can have confidence and shorty you can know with certainty that what's going to happen is what's meant to be that there's no room that you have no nothing to fear whatsoever that's what means that's what it means so now that we've defined our term now we can explain how it applies in our lives is that what we're up to did I just skip that's what we're up to which we learned together many moons ago the says there are two fundamental opinions about what is so says that is a person knows that if it was decreed upon Him by hasem that something good is going to happen and that it will happen and if something bad it won't happen because everything is good says is not that will bring the outcome I want but that whatever outcome he brings is what's meant to be many people misunderstand we learned this they say I have faith that the is going to work out I have faith that they're going to have a full recovery I have faith that the stock market's going to come back I have faith that the deal is going to get done I have faith in Hashem that whatever I want is what he's going to do says the that is a counterfeit that's not real trust and faith in that's faith and trust in yourself and that's a hope and a wish that he's going to bring about the result that you think is best and right for you but that's not is I have trust and faith that even though I think this is what's best for me and even though from my perspective this is the outcome that I want I have trust and faith in Hashem that whatever will be in the end is what's right for me that whatever will happen is the best for myself it's the best for me now that's very very very hard to do in life I don't mean to minimize or suggest that that's something easy that is something which is very very very hard it's easy if you didn't get that job and then a week later you got a different job and you look back in life and you say you see I thought that was terrible I cried my heart out I didn't get the job I wanted Hashem had bigger plans and you see it always work that's easy then but God forbid a person loses a loved one in life gets a terminal diagnosis has a catastrophic incident it is much much much harder to say that I trust I have B that this is what's best for me if it's hard for us to do the the strategy that I always say that we should follow to do it is to find the people who are the most affected and grab on to them a holocaust Survivor who still has trust and faith in Hashem and we may be the last generation we are the last generation who will be able to latch on to them and grab their coils and ride their wave but you find the Holocaust Survivor there's I don't think anyone in history who lost and suffered as much as any Holocaust Survivor any particular one we live our lives somebody had a tragedy in their life they lost one loved one their world is upside down and rightly so we we our heart goes out we can't imagine it's incomprehensible that sense of loss then you look at a holocaust Survivor they say yeah I lost my parents All My Siblings my spouse my children every cousin I lost the entire world I knew there's nothing to even talk about and yet so many have a smile and a skip in their step some a skipping their step with their Walker now but still a skipping their step and and they walk around with a faith and a hope and an optimism in Hashem and in fellow man and so what I say is grab on to them even we sit here and we struggle we say well I don't know and how could it be and where is he so he's saying just just grab on to them just grab on to them you know if you're not supposed to you don't have your own Wi-Fi so just grab on to someone else's Wi-Fi they have a connection above and you have no connection you're getting no connection right now use them as your hot spot Holocaust Survivor hotpots that's a good article Holocaust Survivor hotpots use the Holocaust Survivor as your hotspot and say to them can you you know my kids don't have smartphones but if they have a device every car ride mommy ABA can you make me a hot spot put me on a hot spot make me a hot spot put me on a hot spot it means I can't connect but can you let me connect through you a hotspot a hotspot is when you turn your phone into like a Wi-Fi connection for someone else so your through your phone now they're connected to the to the internet and you could say goodbye to them cuz they're no longer connected to you so sometimes you're the one saying to them let me turn on a hot spot for you sometimes you're the one telling them that in the backseat let me put on a hot spot for you so that's a great image Holocaust Survivor hotspot is that even when you're struggling to connect you could find someone else who's super connected and who's gone through much worse and and let them be your hot spot so that you can connect so you can connect through them so says is not saying hasem I have I have trust that you're going to make the outcome what I want it's I have trust that whatever the outcome will be it is what's best for me it is what's best for me painful things happen to good people bad things don't happen to good people and there's a fundamental difference between painful and bad good and bad are judgments they're labels that we're not entitled and we don't have license to ascribe how do we know what what's good from bad we again come back to my ways analogy we have very limited Vision we only see what's right in front of us so how do we know what good and what's bad in the long run what's good and what's bad not only for ourselves and for our generation but for generations to come good and bad only the infinite can know we know but painful and pleasure that we know so it's accurate to say painful things happen to good people and pleasurable things happen to bad people but whether good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people we can't know so that simple Paradigm Shift not from bad things happen to good people but painful things happen to good people enables us to see it differently so defines as not Hashem will conform to what we want but I have trust and faith that whatever will be is what's meant to be it's not bad it's by definition good and even if it's painful for me that doesn't mean it's not it's not good almost every medical procedure is good even though it's painful it can be painful and good those are not opposites it could be painful and still be goodma a person has to uproot themselves and travel to a far away place and he has to put together a sum of money to do it so means I have faith that hm is going to give me all of the tools I need in order to get to my destination my aim so is I I intend to go there but I have trust in hem that if it's one to if it's meant to be is I get there I'll get there and if what's meant to be is I don't get there I won't get there and whether I get there or not that's up to Hashem I'm going to try that's how the understands it as opposed to the but let's get back to our topic so let's start to get to the city the confidence that we have that we can get done what we feel we need to get done is to know that there's nothing standing oppos us there is no tension there's no friction there's no adversary that can stop us we have a sure and certain knowledge that we're going to succeed that we're going to Triumph so at its root at its core is the confidence we can have that nothing can get in our way now why should we have that confidence in whom is that confidence what is the nothing to get in our way that we still have to Define but at the core if you're trying to get to the root of what of is it's to know that there's nothing that could oppose us there's nothing that can stop us there's nothing that can get in the way of what is meant of what is meant to be the soul of a person is made up of of two parts our inner world and our outer World external world so there are two perspectives that we can have and the the internal which is broken and which is compromised and which is held back and the and the external internal is complete I'm sorry the opposite right the external which is separate and the perspective is broken and it is in parts and it's not clear as opposed to the internal which is entirely unified and one which is pure and perfect which is whole and Nucky and is is absolutely uh and is absolutely clear sorry if we look at this world this broken World in which we find ourselves in which we find ourselves so what comes out is the following if we look at the outer world if we look at the world through our outer selves then all we see is opposition and all we see are challenges and all we see are places and things where it could go wrong everything can go wrong the car is going to break down the person's going to break up with me the deal is going to fall through our health is going to is going to fall apart the thing is going to all you see around us is Brokenness and potential for things to go wrong all you see around us are adversaries and opposition from what we really want and what we want to have happen so the world is a very dangerous place there are fights and wars and battles the physical world is made up of different parts the world is filled with free will with Choice it's a world that's filled with Wars and battles every moment that you're alive is a moment you're battling you're battling not to eat the fattening food you're battling not to say the wrong thing you're battling to get through the end of the day you're battling for whatever everyone has their own battle every moment that we are awake and alive we are here to fight we are here to battle we are here to Triumph sometimes it's huge and sometimes it's negligible there are some very difficult Wars and battles and there are some things that are small and and insignificant and some things that are small so sometimes your Wi-Fi is down and you got to call Infinity for the 4,000th time that day and that's a small battle now exin anytime you have to call Comcast that's like that's like taking on Iran so when you look from the external perspective you wake up in the morning and you think about all these external forces that are operating in your world other people other companies other traffic other technology other weather if you look at the other then the world is filled with opposition adversary challenge uncertainty doubt fear anxiety worry and even when it appears to you that you have a moment of quiet if you feel you have a moment of Serenity Tranquility or quiet you're probably in your most vulnerable state that's when you can really get walloped in the head by the thing that you're not anticipating or thinking about or protecting yourself from that's a pretty sad pessimistic description of life the good news is that's the one he's going to reject right so if we live with this external sense of self we live with the all the forces that are around us and we see ourselves as the one who has to confront all those things then we we we will see ourselves and see our lives as being in a constant state of battle and in that constant state of having to battle you can have you can have in absolutely nothing because again we Define bet as confidence shorty absolute knowledge that it's going to work out but if your perspective of the world is from your external sense of self and the forces that you're going to have to confront then you can have bet in nothing there's nothing you can be sure about anymore other than death and taxes isn't that the expression there's nothing to be sure in you have no knowledge of anything today every day we wake up it could be an entirely different world we have no idea what the world will look like our personal world or the world around us it changes on a dime and if we live life with our external perspective then you can have bet in nothing and that's a pretty scary place it's a pretty way scary way to live it's really debilitating and it's really depressing however and he says you can have no shorty that you're going to overcome and Triumph in this world there's nothing that you know will last there's nothing that you know is here to stay there's nothing that you can be confident is permanent even the Nations and the empires and the armies for every Force there is an equal and opposite Force I think that's one of the rules of thermodynamics for every force is an equal and opposite Force so you made your coffee hot but nature is trying to make it cold you're trying to keep the food your leftovers to last a little longer and nature is trying to make them turn stale and moldy you're trying to stay young Botox and plastic surgery and K says too bad the way that people are created is you're going to look old so lean in and embrace it because you're not fooling anyone anyway so the world around us everything that we're trying to make everything that we're trying to make perent I want to look young forever it ain't going to happen for every Force there's an equal and opposite Force so so far we've just set up the negative next in two in three weeks we will pick up it's a long time to go listen the preview I'll give you but the preview we've been learning long enough for you to know what the preview is the preview is that the more that you're in touch with your Nish your inner voice and your Nish is attached to Theon from which it comes the more that you will know as you live life with bet that absolutely everything is permanent what is permanent that's reliable that you can count on with knowledge and confidence and shorty is that Hashem is the one in charge and that whatever happens is what's meant to be so when you knock him out of the equation when you're in touch with your outer voice your outer sense of self so then you can't have confidence in anything and you can't know anything permanently and you can't stop any adversary or opponent from defeating you but if you turn to your inner voice to your Nish the more you listen to your Nish the more you're in conversation with yourish the more yourish is attached toes from which the Nish comes then the more plugged in to know that everything that happens with bet you know that the game is rigged you have the winning numbers before they even start the game you've got the winning hand before the cards are even dealt because the dealer is is you you're in with the dealer so how do we live our lives with our Inner Voice or our outer voice listening to our Nish or listening to our body are we listening to our soul which knows with confidence and knowledge that everything Hashem does is by design that it will work out by definition that good things happen to good people even if they're painful but they're good is it the Nisha that we're listening to or does our Nisha get outshouted is the nish's volume turned down because the body is filled with some tension and sweat and anxiety and worry because we're physical beings operating in the physical world so who are we at our core are we the body that has a soul are the soul that has a body what is designing our perspective on the universe let alone our perspective on our dead is it our external sense of self or is it our internal sense of self so again and we'll get to if you have a choice between the two this is exactly the Paradigm I begin with I could either say well I know how to get back to bokeh so why bother going on ways and then sit on 95 traffic at 10:00 at night when you're desperate to get home and go to sleep or you could plug into ways plug into and say I'm along for the ride tell me where we're going just tell me where we're going because you know much better than I do how to get there which one are we going to listen too have a great two weeks