Part 112: Keep a Hashgacha Pratis Journal

good morning bov it's great to be back together and to be learning about amuna and reinforcing and reinvigorating our Collective amuna muscle working it out together our sense of Faith appreciation to see Hashem in our daily lives which is what we always study together we are starting a new paric still in the same R's wonderful saer collection of his essays and his teachings and his talks of shom again the great Mas of and uh we've been studying different sections of this book we continue now page you should all have copies in front of you and Rea shares the following I have so many amuna stories from my summer but we'll we'll we'll unravel them slowly and uh and share them after we explain that am is a it's a power within us in other words had had explained and this is so critical and fundamental to a notion of a life of faith is that amuna is not just some philosophical idea amuna is not theology or philosophy amuna is um a part of ourselves it's who we are it's how we live our lives it's a relationship my relationship with my wife is not abstract it's not theoretical it's not philosophical it's not theological it's not ideolog ideological my relationship with my wife is a relationship hopefully loving and romantic and closeness and yearning and longing and and confiding in one another so similarly our relationship with Hashem if we relegate it to Simply being a question of faith in the abstract what are the proofs the evidence for God's existence how do I know how do I understand theoy why do bad things happen to good people these are important questions I'm not suggesting that they're not important every now and then within one's own relationship one tries to identify things work on things ask important questions I'm not suggesting they're not important but at its core at its foundation fundamentally it's a relationship it's a loving connection means it's gentle it's it's um how do you describe the more um gentle the more Fragile the more precious something is the more vulnerable it is to be broken to be shattered the more the more uh it exposed to the elements can compromise or undermine it he'll describe exactly what he means in a moment but what are those threats from the outside that challenge it it means that a person's qualities in life anger every time that we are tempted to get angry every time we have an Impulse to raise our voice to yell to get angry to be frustrated to have an outburst that is undermining our amuna it's undermining Aruna because amuna would say that not everyone and not everything falls in line exactly the way we want and while we take initiative to make it better we can't get angry we can't lose our cool it is the way it is it is the way it's meant to be and it'll be what it'll be and we have to accept that doesn't mean that we have to become passive to it it doesn't mean that we have to become fatalistic to it we take our initiative but within taking our initiative we recognize it is what it is so anger undermines every time we get angry every time we're jealous we see what someone else has and we want it it undermines theun because we say I deserve it why don't I have it why do they have it why did they deserve it where's your faith to know that you have what you need and what you truly deserve so we don't have to go through all the examples but all the negative MOS all the negative qualities and behaviors in our lives those impulsive thoughts and outbursts they're not just negative because what they do to us they're not just negative because what they do to our relationships they're negative at their core because they undermine our sense of amuna so throughout a day when we have those thoughts or those challenges throughout the day when we have when we get anxious or angry or envious throughout the day when we're confronting those impulses within ourselves we're not just fighting that actual impulse but we're trying to fight to keep our amuna alive it's so hard we learn about it in the I'm the one who's teaching it and it's so hard it's so hard to maintain that sense of of of mindfulness that things are the way that they're meant to be that I'm not driving I'm not running the show that I do everything I can and need to do but beyond that I have to submit begins to we learned this together in one of the way earlier sessions of our amuna classes the of is a a very of the gentle qualities of the Soul it is fragile small gentle a person who gives in to The Temptations A person who is driven by their impulse and by their compulsion the world looks like a closed puzzle so what we see is that is a we've spoken about this many times but it deserves speaking about many more until we get it right amuna is not um philosophy it's Aid it's a character trait we don't think of it that way we think of amuna is I go to amuna class we study evidence for God's existence we explore the universe we understand philosophy the longer we spend the more time so the more advanced we are the more sophisticated we are that's not what amuna is it is a Mida it's a mid patience is a Mida generosity is a Mida calmness is a mid all these are qualities within the human spirit and auna is a quality within the human Spirit we adopt that quality a person is either patient or they're angry a person is either stingy or they're generous a person is either patient or they're impatient we understand that those are all qualities and the same thing it's in that rubric that amuna fits we either are have amuna we are faithful or we're Unfaithful unfaithful to God I don't even mean necessarily violating his Mitzvah you can keep scrupulously and vigilantly 613 Mitzvah of hem and be totally and utterly Unfaithful how are you unfaithful what do you mean I said my 100 Bros I met Max remember the boy who sent me all the index cards with the I met Max wonderful young man now we're going to get him married that's our mission he a wonderful young man so I'll tell you more Madam offline so um why did I say that oh you could say your 100 bras every day thank you you could say your 100 bras every day you could be scrupulous with the kasas and with shabas and with business ethics and not speak lashar you can do it all but then you get impatient then you get angry then you get envious then you get anxious and you've cut God out of the equation and out of your life it's like saying what do you mean my marriage is bad I take take out the garbage my dirty laundry makes it into the hamper I pick up the things I'm asked you from the grocery store I gave a card on the anniversary like what's the problem honey what do you mean that our marriage is dry and empty and withered has no romance no love like what are you talk I check check check check check what are you talking about so my wife would say that's nice and that is very very important their Cornerstone of marriage is the all those check marks those are really important right love is is a verb it's not an it's not an adjective or a noun it has to be action it's nice but all of that is a platform to create a relationship a connection so when you have no interest in me you don't confide in me you don't trust me you don't lean on me you don't talk to me you don't listen to me nice that you're doing all the checks but what kind of marriage do we have so Theon says the same thing check check check check check check check kosher shabas daving lashar bus all check check check but then I'm in a red light then my flight's delayed then the business didn't go I want then my children didn't act then my neighbors got a new car and I don't and all goes out the window because where's the relationship where's the talking to Hashem where is the listening to Hashem Hashem is talking to us all the time he's sending us messages each and every day he's talking directly to us are we listening there's nothing more cruel than somebody who talking to you and you don't listen I recently um quoted I don't remember where but the rambam when he talks about why we fast and the rambam talks about the purpose of a fast day we just had one and we're shortly going to have another is not to deprive ourselves of food and physical pleasure it's to cause a sense of introspection and reflection it's to examine our priorities to examine our lives and our lifestyles and the ram talks about that the reason uh you know on a fast Day invoking from the to that um K says if you walk with me B then he'll react to us carry and Carries lash mikra chance and happen stance and the ram writes that if you live life that everything that in your life is chance and random and happen stance it is cruel it is cruel the question is why does the describe it Asus cruelty it may be foolish it may be ignorant it may be mistaken but why is it cruel what's cruel about it so I still remember all the way back to my my brother-in-law said this and he quoted this ra and he said because there's few things more cruel than someone's talking to you and you're totally ignoring them this through things more cous someone's calling your name you hear them calling your name but you choose to ignore them it's downright cruel if you've ever been in that position you're calling your children you're calling someone else and they're just ignoring you and you see them ignoring you it's cruel truly tests you if you're trying to talk to someone and they're ignoring you it's just cruel so he suggested what the raah is saying is Hashem is talking to us all the time through the things that happen in our lives and when we ignore them and ignore him and don't see that communication we don't answer that call it's downright cruel it's cruel had in the Pas a few weeks ago in para's Bak when bam is going to curse the Jewish people and the Mal is blocking his path is standing in his way and when the Mal becomes visible bam responds and he saysi so sorry I made a mistake I sinned I take responsibility this was bothered what do you mean billum you're wrong what do you mean you take responsibility or you're sorry what did you do wrong the Mal was invisible was hidden when you hit the donkey because you didn't see the Mal why are you taking responsibility why are you accountable why do you have to sayi and this forer says something incredibly important the for says you know the Malik was visible but billum didn't see it and what B is saying is that you were in front of me all along you were sending me a message and I ignored it I didn't it and for that I am responsible and I am accountable and rash there on that talks about sends a all the time in our lives sometimes the Malak opens up a path sometimes like with billum the Malak blocks a path but that's also for our own good when you block one Avenue it opens up another and that's also a generous and gracious gift to us I know so many people who were pushing hard down One path whether it was a that wasn't meant to be or whether it was a job interview or opportunity that wasn't right for them and they were trying to force it and like with B sent to block their path it didn't work out and you know what another path opened up and it was the right one it took them to their promised land to their goal so we have to realize even while we're going through it that while that Mal is blocking our path to say that's true that's also why do I have this wall why is there this blockage why is it stopping me when I want it so badly sometimes you have to say I've taken all my initiative I've done everything I can to make it work it's not meant to be and that's a gift from Hashem because if it's not meant to be I don't want it to be why would we want something not meant to be to be if it's not in our best we should give up the path that really is for us and fight through to get through this blockade which is stopping us for a reason because we're going to fall off a cliff on the other side of the sign that says stop driving stop pushing stop going so what was true with bam says the we make that AK through his angels his ambassadors namely the events of Our Lives is sending us messages all the time he is communicating with us and we are meant to communicate with him and when we ignore his communication and when we fail to communicate ourselves it is cruel and it means we have no relationship Amun is Aid it's more than just a Mitzvah the ramam doesn't include the Mitzvah of amuna in his min mitzvos and we saw the said why because it's foundational to life you know what else he doesn't include in his Min mitz the Mitzvah to breathe what do you mean but if I don't breathe I'll die shouldn't it be the first of the tag don't forget to breathe yeah I don't have to be told to breathe if I don't breathe I'm not alive it's a prerequisite to mitzvos it's not included as one of the mitzvos it's a prerequisite to mitzvos is a prerequisite to mitv without it I'm not alive without it I'm not breathing without it don't exist so it's a so it is a quality and how do we realize that quality best within us how does it come out and express itself how does it manifest itself how do we realize our best selves when we are free when we can root ourselves and we can transcend the physical desires and drives and appetites that consume us for material possession for material Pleasures for ego we have all these obstacles they're competing inside us we know there's a Reon and we know we have a relationship with him and we get great pleasure from that relationship but you know what gets in the way our ego our sense of self it's true in every relationship in life my wife wants milx and I want fik she wants to go here and I want to go there she says let's go out and I want to stay home she says let's do that I want to do well every relationship has its friction where your ego your sense of self is competing with the priorities the needs the wants of the other and at the core of every healthy relationship is the ability to navigate and negotiate that tension that conflict and the same is true in our relationship with the Reon if my whole life is driven by me me me me what I want what I want what I want will advance my ego my ego my ego then even if I'm doing all the check marks towards Hashem butes is not at the center I'm not in a real relationship I'm in a relationship with myself and Torah and mitz is another means to advance myself my honor my feeling good and satisfied my feeling that I'm doing what I'm supposed to but if it's about first then I have to overcome those other qualities it's common sense it's common sense to have auna we think the default is to be an atheist or an agnostic now prove to me there's a God I have to go to fancy philosophy courses I have to subscribe to countless amuna whatsapps and emails and text messages and Shum and books the default or the the status quo is I'm not sure agnostic I hedge now prove to me there's a God but says the no is common sense the default is there's a creator This Magnificent world with its details it's minusa the Magnificent world with everything that's in it it didn't just come to be the book in front of you didn't come to be because someone spilled a bottle of ink the building didn't come to be because a hurricane blew the materials to create a building the painting didn't come to be because someone uh knocked over the ink some painting looks like someone knocked over ink I don't understand why people pay enormous amounts of money for such painting but I'm saying the painting that looks like something that someone didn't knock over we all know that it's common sense to know that if there's disorder that came to order in the form of a book or a sculpture or a building or or anything there's a designer someone put it together there's an author a builder an architect we understand that we understand it intuitively we understand it as common sense I don't have to think about it no one has to prove it to me no one has to make the argument to me so why when we look at this world all of a sudden the world which is um many many many times more complex and difficult and detailed than any book or sculpture or building and that we look at and say maybe it came to be on its own who knows prove to me prove to me what do you mean that same Common Sense should drive us to that same exact conclusion and to know that there is Aon in the world the default is to know there is AEM then we have impediments and obstacles that get in the way and the mission of amuna to realize amuna is to peel back those layers of obstacles and impediments called appetite desire jealousy anger Envy anxiousness peel that away and you'll realize that hasem and life is so much better with him I don't understand how one gets through life without him is it better to be sitting at a the bedside of a terminal patient and for the family to say well there's statistics x% of the population is going to get this dreaded illness and I guess you know my loved one is just a lucky winner is that more comforting than saying there's a God he's omnipotent he puts the whole world together I don't understand it but there's a reason I don't understand where someone finds the strength to endure to persevere whatever in life without without feeling without seeing without recognizing life is so much better with him there's a general principle in the world the more precious something is the more delicate that's the world didn't delicate the more delicate something is the more likely it will break the more fragile it is so we were on vacation and we were in a place they do glass blowing magnificent magnificent of course you have to buy then a piece of glow blast fine so but you worry why am I buying it all the way over there it'll never make it home however you wrap it whatever you put in the suitcase why like I know at the outset made it way home but your attitude is it's never going to make its way home why now if I bought a rock I don't even need any bubble wrap just put it in the suitcase and it's good to go if I bought a block of metal just put in the suitcase no bubble wrap it's good to go have to stick it between sweatshirt it's good to go but you buy glown blast blown glass so you you very little chance of getting it home because the more what word did I say Del the more delicate the more I'm just getting back into it the more delicate the more fragile something is the more likely it will break it's a lot harder to safeguard your fine Crystal than it is your your iron your metal so the same is true with amuna is so delicate and it's so fragile and it's so challenging that it needs an extra layer of vigilance it needs more guarding and safekeeping than other qualities other qualities they're not so delicate they're foundational so if I have it I have it it's there it's there I'm good to go but this quality this quality is so delicate it's so fragile that it doesn't take much for it to break for it to shatter into pieces and you see that the people who have not safeguarded their amuna a little something happens in life a stubtoe a slow Wi-Fi connction connection a traffic incident and it's gone it's shattered it's broken into pieces but the person who has constantly exercised and worked out that amuna muscle and it's strong and it's vibrant and they are safeguarding and protecting it regularly then it is protected even from a grave danger it will not shatter into pieces it will be kept whole it will be kept whole look how much ground we're covering we're flying we're on the next page says we have in thean a letter that ran sent to his son and here's an example the letter the RA in the 12th century who moved to uh to Israel sent to his son what can I tell you about this land when he arrives in Israel AKO what can I tell you about this precious land it is greatly abandoned and it is vastly desolate he says the Holier something is the more broken the more Devastation or destruction when it is lost when thean got there was more was more desolate was more destroyed than elsewhere and Yehuda a Holier region than the gal was more desolate than the more significant the more exalted something is the more delicate the more easily it'll be broken and the more devastating that breakage the more devastating that shattering the more overwhelming the greater the sense of loss so the deeper the sense of the feeling of loss and the devastation and destruction it's a reflection of just how holy how exalted how special that's what we're mourning in these three weeks that's what we're thinking about and we're counting down towards it's hard for us what the ran is describing we don't relate to whatsoever abandoned is expanding and building and sophisticated and beautiful and ornate and filled with sounds of joy and Splendor we're seeing the prophecy of coming true that's why it's particularly challenging for us these three weeks not these three weeks the three weeks each year because we feel we're in a time of redemption not of Exile we don't identify at all with what ran describes here what Mark Twain describes when he went to Israel we don't identify with it in fact there a whole discussion not for now about whether to say the paragra of the paragraph of which is inserted at is filled with descriptive language of of how abandoned desolate destroyed Yim is and it Bears no semblance to our current reality at all and you're not allowed to lie in your how could you describe something that's untrue so there's a literature we once gave a she there's a whole literature chos and chos about should we um edit or do we continue should even be omitted there's a discussion again overwhelmingly we leave Nim exactly as it is because the destruction is not a the description is not a physical description it is an existential metaphysical one and the bottom line is we are still deeply in a period of Exile and if you think about just our community's recent loss and the current challenges of incredibly special people it's we're we're in a period of tremendous deep gas andan a tremend the sense ofan which is what it's about but the Ran's point is that the Holier something is the deeper the pain the greater the sense of loss the greater the destruction when it's no longer here when it's no longer here so amuna is so delicate it's so fragile it needs even greater protection so the rock it goes right in my suitcase it doesn't need bubble wrap but the new piece of glass work glass artwork W it needs its own suitcase and triple layered bubble wrap and 17 sweaters and carrying it taking it in the carryon and checking on it every 5 minutes why because it's so delicate and it's so precious and Muna is delicate and it's precious it needs bubble wrap it needs bubble wrap in our lives bubble wrap in our lives means it needs vigilance it needs effort it needs mindfulness it needs conscientiousness all right so I'll tell you some stories so should I start with how do you how do you show vigilance how do we do mindfulness how do we do mindfulness very difficult very difficult I I'll I'll tell you this one so um we traveled this summer and a good two months before we traveled y had to renew one of my children's passports so it's always a passport story right so we um I don't want to take too much time I want to get back to learning but she went through filled out the forms went to the place submitted it plenty of lead time not a problem should get the passport right no problem we've done it before we' got the passport easily within a short time that's two months before the trip it's now 3 weeks before the trip the passport hasn't arrived contacts the passport people yeah we see it it's in process in the system hold tight it's 10 days before the trip no passport oh God passport people say yeah I don't know what's taking so long it says it's in process it should be there um you could pay a fee to expedite it you'll get it right away I suggest even though you have plenty of time still 10 days it's worth it to know you pay the fee gladly expedite it just give it to us in 24 hours want to get this passport 9 days 8 Days 7 Days 5 days no P keep calling keep having no answer but we paid to expedit it why isn't it here we were leaving on a Monday evening and it's now Friday no passport shabas is the last day it could be delivered no passport Sunday there's no one to talk to Monday morning is it coming today it shows it's still in process well what should we do we're leaving today it's a huge family my whole family was celebrating a a family Milestone they said uh well you just have to you'll have to delay your trip well it's not an option what does that mean anyway fast forward said the only thing option you have is go to Manhattan the passport office do your best to try to exp that try to get it this is Monday morning at 10:00 a.m. we are leaving on a 6 p.m. flight so I take my daughter we go fly down to Manhattan I mean fly I mean in a car um in a car in a car I mean fly just the speed that we drove and uh and we go there and get to the building and there's a line around the corner I'm not going to take you through the whole story but thank God we got into the building and from the building we got to the right floor and on the right floor we got on the right enormous line and we got to that front of the line and we explained the situation we gave them all materials and the person said well I see that it's in process elsewhere they'll need to transfer cuz the documents were all submitted into that office they'll need to transfer it hopefully they can do it immediately sometimes it takes some time we'll have to see so all we could do is just sit and wait and in those moments the whole reason I'm sharing this story with you is because in those moments is the test of the fragile delicate amuna does it shatter and break into pieces or can you take deep breath sit there and realize whatever is meant to be is meant to be if we're going to get it we'll get it if we're going to get on this flight we'll get on this flight if we have to go a couple days later and catch up the the whatever me there's a master plan this is all for a reason who knows what it is and uh we're looking all day for what that reason is but there's a there's a reason all you could do is sit and wait and that's just one example just from my small life and happens in all of our Lives of each and every day the The Fragile delicate vulnerable amuna that if it's not Safeguard and protected and we don't have the mindfulness and the and the vigilance to protect it it will shatter now I'll tell you as we sat there waiting and waiting and waiting and watching the time TI by and feeling closer and closer and I hadn't yet packed which is my Min hug so my daughter I'm so proud said to me ABA maybe we should each take upon ourselves a cabala let's accept something upon ourselves that in that Merit they'll get it done and we'll get it and we'll make this trip she initiated that not me so we each took upon ourselves something shared it with one another in that moment and shortly after afterwards they called us to our window andem the passport was ready and we drove like mad people to get back and grabbed our bags and made it to the airport and barash had a beautiful trip and I share it with you first of all I think it it was a beautiful thought that my daughter had and and barash we've both been trying to keep up with the Cabas that we took that day you can't never mind God I got the passport I'm good never mind it came through don't have don't have to do the cabala you got to remember that the reason it came through maybe is because you took a upon that cabala and to keep it going but it's it's one small short example of of the importance of protecting that amuna that mea that quality in other words as you're sitting there there's two directions you can go right as you're sitting there in this very uh Dev interesting scene of people from all over the world of all modes of dress and appearance and attitude and life and lifestyle waiting and waiting and waiting and and you're sitting there and you're saying toon this isn't my fault this isn't negligence on our part we didn't wake up the last day we forgot that we never got a new passport or we forgot the passport at home or we did everything right sometimes you do everything right everything correctly but you're asked to go through yet another step in a process and within the challenges that life throws our way this was an absolute nothing we' GL gladly take it any day but you're sitting there and you're saying it's a trip and it's planned for and it's prepared and it's a big family thing and we're going to be late and why so there's one of two things you could either sit there and you're breathing a shallow and you're anxious and your sweat glands are pouring out sweat and you're anxious and you're frustrated and you're angry and you're and will all that produce the passport any faster no what will it do what will it do it'll give you hypertension diabetes high blood pressure it'll make you fight with your daughter and your spouse and your parents it'll make you what will it do all it will do is ruin your life or the only other alternative is to sit there to take a few deep breaths and to say look at the precious time I with my daughter and I'm going to pass the time by learning or reading or sitting here or talking and it'll be what it's meant to be and of all the challenges that exist in the world it's a nothing and there's a reason there's a reason I may yet discovered I may never Discover it but there's a reason that's one small example but those are often the two choices that we have now which one are we driven to which one does our impulse tell us tell us to have it's exactly what rol is describing the Natural Instinct the natural impulse in a person is is the anger anxiousness fear worry that's that the blood pressure that that's the natural tendency so that means that we that's why we have to be even more Vigilant to achieve the other and to and to express the sense of amuna the sense of faith in our lives and then when things do work out do we write them down do we record them so I'm going to give she on this another time more comprehensively with many sources but I'll just tell you the there was a letter that was co-authored by R mosha Feinstein and r yakob ketki z and in the letter they co-author they say that a wonderful way to grow and to work on amuna is to have a hash diary to keep a journal of where you see Hashem in your life keep a journal of where you see Hashem in your life in other words you could wake up in your life and say where is Hashem why doesn't he talk to me he spoke to all of our prophets and our forefathers if he would speak to me then I would believe in him he doesn't help me he's never there for me he doesn't speak to me I don't know that he's there s mosha of yov ketki every day keep a journal a diary of where Hashem was in your life and boy will you realize and will you feel and will you turn to him and imagine the relationship that you'll have so I was learning that in a safer with another one of my daughters and we decided we started a WhatsApp group for our family just my children my wife and myself the name of the WhatsApp group is's diary and each day we ask each of the children and us to post something and I shared what after grou but where you saw in your life and from when we started that in the trip every day first of all it causes it forces you to try to look to see and to feel and when you share now there's a healthy competitiveness that oh my sister put something I got to put something that I saw that I felt that I knew and there are there are you know whether it's the fact that the bag was a little overweight and we had the nicest person when we checked in at the airport and she helped us cuz she said we're a big family so she didn't even weigh them and thank you hasm for that that even though there was a big line it broken up in small lines we ended up with the right person thank you that I'm talking small minute insignificant inconsequential things but if you're looking and examining and trying to find them you'll see Hashem talking to you throughout the day blocking some paths and opening some paths thank you Hashem that even though the weather said it was supposed to rain the entire day and we were out for the whole day it rained before we left and it rained when we came back but it didn't rain the whole time that we were out now ordinarily if you don't have that WhatsApp group you don't keep that Journal they would just be like okay you didn't even notice maybe you say aren't we lucky it didn't rain during the day while we were out maybe aren't we lucky are you lucky is that what it was was it luck so but when you keep that journal you see hashem's hand in our life it's expressing it's working out that maida that muscle you could keep a journal that you don't show anybody you could create a WhatsApp group that you're creating some healthy competitiveness or camaraderie and sharing those experiences together however we do it though that is how we increase and work on that amuna so we'll pick up from here next week but what the what the r is expressing the important principle that R is establishing for us is that amuna is fragile it's delicate and therefore it's not the default don't assume that you're just going to have amuna unless the contrary work on amuna and protect it otherwise it becomes shattered into pieces um we do not yet have a sponsor for this year's living with amuna series for the year if you're open to sponsoring it for the whole year in honor and memory of someone please uh feel free to speak to me or to Matthew we'll be included in all of our literature on the website introduced uh every Shear that we have so we welcome your support and that opportunity if you'd like please feel free to speak to as I said me or Matthew have a fantastic day thank you