Part 104: The Foundation of All Relationships

okay good morning welcome back to our amuna support group our amuna Shear we just just concluded theun just completed the holiday that is supposed to renew our sense of amuna the holiday of Miracles and a holiday of faith and it's supposed to charge us and energize us to carry us now forward into the rest of our year to live lives in which we see and feel hashem's presence and therefore we're calm and Serene and all is okay there's no reason to get angry or be envious or worry or be anxious because every time we're tempted to feel those feelings we just remember Hashem took us out of Egypt and he'll take us out he split the sea and carve the path he'll split our sea and he'll carve away and whatever will happen is for a reason so we're going to learn a new piece this week I got a safer called which are of we did a several pieces of re from Al this is a different safer based on sh he gave in b in the mirror and other places I think some of them actually are from Alish as well but this is a new piece called This is the v v the sixth V that he gave when on page me in theer and he says the following the Mish inos you know there's a after that we learn this time of the year so the Mish in says there are three qualities three behaviors three attit udes that if we live with them they remove us from the world TAA what's TAA Temptation cavod seeking honor and Kina is jealousy Envy so a person who constantly is looking what other people have and I want what they have it could be I want what they have materially I want that house I want that car I want those clothing I want that jewelry it could be I want they have a healthy marriage a loving marriage an affectionate marriage I want children who give me Nas I want you know there's a lot of envy that happens not only in the material world so a person is living their whole lives with an eye on the people around them and wanting what others have they forfeited their world a person who lives with TAA meaning they're never happy in life their mind is always racing or wandering or fantasizing about the next TAA and people have all kinds of Tyas the TAA could be for unhealthy food the TAA could be for unhealthy practices TAA could be to look at or do or say unhealthy things TAA could be for shopping and going in further credit card debt the TAA could be for all kinds of things people who live never with any sense of satisfaction never with what we spoke about in PES an attitude ofu die would I have is Enough by definition but a person who never has Dao in their life it's never enough they always need more they forfeit their world and the third thing is covered if you're always seeking honor if you have such an ego it gets bruised that you get into fights and arguments you need people to honor you you need distinction you need recognition you always need to be the biggest person in the room then you forfeited your place in this world that's what the Mish says by the way how did our rabbis know that how did they know that now it's not difficult for us we think about those three qualities and we see people who live with them and we see the types of lives that they lead we understand it but our rabbis knew it even more specifically from the Torah itself they knew it because they simply opened thees and they opened thees and they started reading and what did they read they read the first stories of the of the Torah and they saw that these three character traits literally caused the destruction of Worlds where did they see it so Kina is the story of Cen and he why did Ken kill he jealous because he was jealous he's corbon he's sacrifice was accepted and cen's was not and Ken said I'm not looking at my relationship with God only me I'm looking at it versus he and he was jealous and because he was jealous he killed he next story is the generation of Noah Andes decides to destroy the world and why does he destroy the world world because the people had TAA they were taking things that didn't belong to them other people's money they were stealing Kamas Gazo they were taking other people's wives they were taking things that didn't belong to them because they were driven by T by lust and then you get to the story of D the DFA the generation who built the Tower they said we'll make a skyscraper we'll pierce the heavens and we'll make a name for ourselves n shame what did they want why were they driven to make the tallest tower to pierce the heavens because because they because they uh were driven by COV so what how do the three stories in the Torah end they end terribly actually regrets creating the world and the case of the flood actually recreates the world and starts it again does a hard reset on the world so all all our rabbis needed to do is start learning the and when you start learning the from the beginning of thisit this in when you start reading the from you see you forfeit your world the world what are the next three stories in the Torah so if there are three things that are three things that remove you from the world what are the three things upon which the world stands and what are they T how did they know that the rabbas how do they know these are the three pillars it's a three-legged stool that to be balanced to have an equilibrium to be healthy for the world to have a future you have have to have these three things how' they know that they just kept reading the and they got to abah which is and which is aod and which is tor and they said Tor so it is Brilliance and insight of our rabbis but our rabbis deduced it simply from reading the so here's my question for you so far we just read a but here's the question what does it mean what does it mean to be removed from the world what does it mean to be removed from the world we know a lot of people that live with jealousy lust and honor and they don't drop dead they don't leave this world in fact many of them have success they Thrive they cause us to wonder why do good things happen to bad people why do bad things happen to good people sometimes these are good people doing bad things so what is it removes a person from the world that's the question R is addressing when we were first married we were on the staff of a camp one Summer's favorite summer not our favorite summer she was pregnant who are you pregnant with you were Division I was in it was very hot and very uncomfortable we were very uncomfortable we were pregnant anyway so so um no anyway we were learning p and I was learning with the seventh grade girls and I posed that question to them what do you think this mishna means and there was a seventh grade girl who had what remains for me the best insight into this mishna I quoted ra and the ra and we went through the different per and she said you know I think means that we're each a world to ourselves we have our world our self-esteem our happiness our our confidence and when a person lives with jealousy or lust or always needing honor it means our world is out of whack our self-esteem our satisfaction our happiness our our sense of confidence that's what it means I thought it was a brilliant incident I think she's 100% right right there's different interpretations ra says it means means you violated the purpose for which the world was created you mooved from the world means God created the world to be selfless if you're selfish you violated the purpose of the world there beautiful interpretations but for me still the most profound is the one from that seventh grade girl that we each live and maybe that's because was offered through the prism of a of a seventh grade girl in life that you know if you live life and you're constantly jealous of others and you're trying to measure up to others if you're constantly trying to have honor you need to have the most friends the most likes the most reposts if you're constantly living with TAA with lust and you're giving into it your whole world is out of whack you're never happy with who you are you're never happy with your life it leads to a life of of anxiety and depression a life of fomo and ultimately of mental illness that's what it means you are removed from a world of stability and satisfaction and happiness and good health and you enter a world of of of illness so ask what is this world that a person's leaving the ram says that these are three things that remove you from the world what world the world of a what in if you're jealous of other people then you're going to struggle with your faith in God if you always need honor you need to be the biggest person in the room you need to suck the air out of the room then you're not going to have room for God if you're always giving into your lust and your desire and you're pursuing with impulse and Instinct whatever you want need in that moment and you can't prioritize someone else's needs you're not going to have a relationship with God says the raah these are three character traits that if we don't conquer them and we don't manage them then we can't have room for Hashem by the way I would add you can't have room for Hashem you can't have room for others these three things that remove you from the world remove you from the world of relationships it removes you from the world of a relationship with God and it removes you from the world of a relationship with other people if you're always envious who wants to be friends with or married to or related to or work with someone who's always jealous you always have to be careful you always have to be worried you can't share your good news they're going to be jealous you have to measure your words carefully they're going to you know gun for you cuz they want what you have who wants to be close what kind of relationship you have with someone jealous what kind of relationship can you have with somebody who has a big ego who always needs honor where it's always all about them and what kind of relationship can you have with someone who's TAA who's giving into their desires the ra says it removes you from the world of relationships human relationships and we see that we see the disintegration we see relationships dissolving because people's ego gets in the way their jealousy gets in the way and their their impulse for their desire the Temptation their insatiable appetite gets in the way but most of all you can't have a relationship with Hashem you can't have a relationship with people at least you can see them and talk to them touch them and have direct benefit from them Hashem it takes such an effort already to have a relationship with him these three character chats they put obstacles they block that ability to have that relationship just a question thought after we saw two worlds were destroyed because then no generation because Hashem gave us the free free will right after Noah I mean we continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over why didn't I I would have seen Hashem give us a limited eliminate all of the evil that cause the destruction of two generations yeah and give us the free choice that we could make without all the other RS that caused us so to repeat your conversation basically is if Hashem saw that the um inclination towards these behaviors brought such a downfall of the world why couldn't he get rid of them why couldn't he get rid of them so there's several answers that you can give um one of which is first of all the gamar entertains this the gamar Tells a Story a metaphoric story that the Yahara was so strong and the greatest Yahara that exists in the world maybe with one g more than others but ultimately that undermines so much of the world as what Sigman Freud who who had a pin yid was wrong when he said that the the ID and the sexual desire is is what ultimately corrupts the world so the gamar entertains the fact that why didn't we why didn't Hashem eliminate that look how many bad decisions and look how many wars have been fought and look how much over these kinds of issues and the gar says they eliminated theara and you know what happened the future of the world was threatened because there was no continuity because without that drive For Better or For Worse and whatever this would be politically correct in today's generation or not but without that drives animals weren't mating men weren't giving up Sunday football to go on a date or put someone else ahead of themselves without that drive there was no Spirit of compromise or relationship or investment that drive is what keeps the world going around so they begged Hashem put the drive back in in the world so that the animal kingdom and the human Kingdom will continue to procreate and there'll be a future there'll be a continuity so in that area the already tells that story but even in the area of these others because the very purpose of creation is to confront these Temptations and to manage them I would say to conquer them but we don't ever conquer them like in the 12-step program it teaches you can never feel you've conquered that's when you're most vulnerable it's a life time of managing it's not a lifetime of conquering and that's the attitude we have towards these behaviors is that you're never done you can't ever wake up and say I graduated I went to Goldberg zun we hit the 100th class we had a great breakfast I got a certificate I graduated I'll never be jealous again I'm good the moment you think that is like the alcoholic who walks into the bar to have one drink it's over it's over it's a lifetime of managing so we all have an inclination to different degrees there's a spectrum some have a raging impulse to be jealous and others there's very little they're ever jealous of but that jealousy is there that jealousy spark is there so there is a spectrum but we all have within ourselves these inclinations and the purpose for which God created us is to learn to manage them what makes us uniquely human what promotes the Divine spirit and Spark in US is the effort to conquer them it's what brings out the best it's what makes us the most satisfied it's what gives life the greatest meaning if Hashem would eliminate them we'd be pre-programmed robots that'd be no purpose to existence just call it a day pack it in and that's it the whole purpose of life right the most satisfying thing in life are relationships that we have and they take work and they take effort and and they're OB to them so when we manage and Conquer those obstacles we get the satisfaction of a deeply meaningful enriching relationship and when we don't relationships implode and they cause great pain there's risk in rewarding it but we wouldn't have it any other way because without the enormous downside there can't be the enormous upside and we want that enormous upside and it's true in marriage and it's true in parenting and it's true in friendships there's enormous downside risk but that's what's at stake in order to have the upside risk of those those moments or experiences or a lifetime of the Bliss of those relationships so Hashem could have he could have made life easy and said I'm not going to make you like potato chips or chocolate cake and I'm not going to make you like gossip and I'm not going to ever make you have an inclination towards being jealous or anxious or angry but then what would be the purpose would be pre-programmed robots in which case God doesn't need a world the whole prerequisite to the world the premise of the world is built on a platform a stage of Free Will so that when we express the Free Will there's upside there's downside there's risk there's reward there's benefit and there's loss there's closeness and there's a sense of distance all of it results from the Free Will that we express and we result if he would suspend that free will if he would eliminate that free will just pack it in there's no point there's no point to it whatsoever so RBA points out okay so again the mishna says there are three attitudes behaviors they remove you from the world what does that mean Raa seventh grade girl in Camp mha and now the ram the ra says it removes you from the world of relationships you can't live with if you have these three things if you says it's amazing the Mish just says removes you from the world it very Ambiguously refers to the world the ramam comes along and says what is the world it's the world of amuna so notes for the r you know what defines your whole world when you wake up in the morning till you go to sleep what defines your quality of your world who you are is how much amuna you live with that's what comes out from the Ram's interpretation of this mishna that what defines our happiness and our meaning and our sense of purpose our capacity for satisfaction the quality of our relationships our whole world is informed and inspired and defined by our amuna so lest you think that amuna is just one thing in your life we saw this we learned um when we learned this on and he wondered why according to it's not counted as one of the T Mitzvah and he said because it's not one Mitzvah it's not like I have a checklist of 613 okay I brushed my teeth I washed NE I said I visited the sick I comforted the mner i g stuck I learned TOA check check check check check each of those are distinct discreet units or acts I did it check I'm done amuna is the foundation of everything I do would you wake up in the morning and say okay I breathe check you'd say breakfast check you're not going to say I breathed because breathing is the foundation of life if you stop breathing you're no longer alive so amuna is not like breakfast amuna is not like daving you don't put a check next to it you know I had an amuna thought I'm good check amuna for the day done amuna is the air that we breathe it informs and inspires everything from the red light and the traffic we're in to the conversation that we're having to the impulse to be anxious or angry or jealous someone else to how we interpret world events amuna is the air we breathe it's the foundation of everything and that's why the ra interprets what does it mean removes you from the world your world ofun you'd be suffocated you're cutting off the oxygen if you live with lust or jealousy or always seeking honor you've cut off the oxygen supply to the amuna in your life he looks if you look in footnote number one he points out based on the R's interpretation of the Mish what it means is there are three things that remove you from the world from which world the world of amuna now if something removes you from the world what does it mean that the natural state is to be in the world right the default the natural state is to have amuna if you make your amuna compete with these three qualities you've blocked amuna but what's the natural state to have auna these are active attitudes that remove you from the default or from what is the natural state say this is a critically important Point we've seen this also we've we've learned a lot about amuna I've been doing this for a few years now we're up to 104 105 I forgot what number class we're up to almost time for a breakfast again so um we saw this also ra if you recall because ra points out that a bar mitzvah boy or a B Mitzvah girl turns 12 or 13 becomes obligated in Mitzvah so I can understand becomes obligated in Mitzvah that I meet with every Bar B Mitzvah child and I talked to them about daving their parents don't have to chase them to do the right thing and act the right way say the right things dress the right way and so on because those are actions I can understand that but R this is what he quotes he says you know Aristotle struggled with evidence for God's existence philosophers throughout the Millennia have struggled for evidence of God's existence and this 12-year-old pitcher in this 13-year-old little smart alec they're supposed to know that God exists we're supposed to obligate them in the Mitzvah of amuna at 12 or 13 when there are people who are 70 and 80 and 90 and they're still investigating and analyzing and researching and theorizing and trying to find God and the 12 and 13 year old are supposed to it's a pretty a aasha it's a good question it's a great question so answerers it's only a good question if you think that you're learning amuna but if you realize that you're born with amuna and the whole Mitzvah is is don't mess it up don't ruin it don't get in the way then it's not a question at all meaning the two and the three and the four year old you talk to them from when they're young about Hashem is here Hashem is there hasem is everywhere I made the big time by the way right before PES Uncle musi posted what did he post something I said a quote from masir I gave endorsement from Uncle Mishi that's like Mish it's the Pinnacle of my career I don't know I should I should retire from there sishi taught the world hashm is here hasm is there hashm is everywhere and we teach it to our children one two and three and four years old and when they're five or six they're still talking about Hashem and they're asking questions about Hashem and they're feeling Hashem and they're thinking Hashem and at 8 nine and 10 maybe still if you talk them about hm do we thank hm and you see hem and you know you want Hashem and then they get to 12 and 13 and they think becoming an adult means I no longer see Hashem I now I'm supposed to have doubt and uncertainty I'm now supposed to be skeptical and cynical because that's what they see from adults who struggle to see hasem in their life so says the whole and the whole responsibility of parents is you don't have to teach am to a child just don't mess it up when a child is born they feel there's something bigger than themselves you know why because they know I'm incapable I'm totally dependent I have a mommy and a daddy and I couldn't have anything without them so it's very easy to take a leap from there they're just like I need a mommy and a daddy I wouldn't be born without them they take care of me I wouldn't have anything without them so I have a big daddy too I have my little daddy and I have a big daddy and that's not a big leap for a child to take but when the child grows and starts to feel more independent on their own the greater a sense of Independence they more they say I don't need my little daddy and I don't need my big daddy so says the Mitzvah is not to teach Amun the Mitzvah is just get out of the way don't ruin it don't mess it up and that's what is saying the same thing you see in the ram here the r says what does it me it means these three things remove you from the world of living with amuna which means it's removing you you were there how did you get there that's where we all are from our childhood unless someone messes it up second paragraph the T the author of this mishna is not talking about trying to awaken within us one time about these three qualities he's talking about this is a lifestyle discussion this is this is not this is the difference between a diet and a lifestyle all right everybody I don't know when you get more gym memberships M PES or January 1 in the Orthodox Community I'm not sure when you have more people join the gym so this is the difference right so as soon as you your mandatory you had your dut or your pizza which because you're starving eight days you haven't had it you have to have it everyone wakes up the next morning and they make an oath a sh they take a I swear I will never eat again ever I feel so full especially if you came from a hotel program and they wheeled you out in a wheel bout to your car and you say I will never ever ever ever eat again I'm done forget intermittent fasting I'm just fasting I'm just never eating again so good I've hear all that all the time I tended to think that all the time and then you say two weeks later they dropped it why because diets don't last you know what lasts is a change in your lifestyle so if you change your lifestyle the quantities you eat and what you eat and how often you eat what the latest time you eat and you make change your habits a lifestyle lasts a diet never ever lasts and the people of the mentality of a diet end up ballooning bigger than they were before their Mass diet and the people who change their lifestyle are able to sustain it for a lifetime say Rola that's what's true in the Physical Realm is also true I talk about in my sheir and whatever's on my mind so anyway Bessie said I lost weight so I'm good so the um rolba says whatever is true in the physical world is true in the spiritual world world too the mishna says don't go on a diet from jealousy and from honor and from lust don't just go on a diet don't well it's the summertime I go to a p here we did that mishna in pavos the 21st mishna of the fourth chapter that these three things were moving from the world I did the mishna I'm going on a diet for the next week I won't have honor or I won't be lustful and I won't be jealous if you go on a diet it's going to come back it's a it's a lifestyle it's a lifestyle if it's you want to be outside you want a world you want your world to impose you want no relationships no relationship with God no relationship with people around you you want no equilibrium you want no satisfaction no self-esteem no self-confidence it's a lifestyle if we're willing to do an internal analysis we would be shocked to find just how active these attitudes are within us you know we're able to point them out in our friends that's very easy it's easy to hold up a mirror to our friends we spoke about this in the para class to our friends we could hold up a mirror but we all look in a funny mirror we've all crafted funny mirrors in our lives where when we look into it we look exactly the way we want to look so with other people we have magnifying glass for ourselves we have funny mirrors that make us look exactly like we want to look so but if we'd actually look at our lives and we were honest with ourselves we'd realize you know what we also have an ego and we we also have temptations and we also get envious we have to be willing to look inside ourselves you could be the most righteous the most religious person who learns all the time who zugs to H all the time who does all the time we know people who do all the time and why are they doing that all the time because they want us to talk about how they do all the time so would it be better they don't do I'm not saying that at least they're directing their pursuit of honor to other people we know people who learn Torah all the time why they want to be known as the person who learns Torah all the time we know people who be directed or misdirected into Noble Pursuits but they're in Noble means so now we're up to the third paragraph says R how is it how is it in what way do these three qualities remove us from the world of living with the answer is because Envy consumes us with this world with this world right if you're always envious of what everyone else has so you're consumed not by a a world of meaning and purpose you're consumed not by a world of transcendence you're consum consumed not by a world of permanence and Eternity you're just consumed with this fleeting world of the Here and Now of the here and now which is so silly and lust forces a person to always needing to satisfy their urge and honor causes you to distort your um relationships because in every relationship it's all about how you can gain more honor how you can more inflate your ego so says Revol these three things at the core at the center of all three envy and lust and honor at the core of all three is ego and God has already said there's not enough room in this world for me and you either you're here to lead a mission life to help repair the world in my image or if you think you're here in this world to pursue the world in your image says Hashem I'll step back no problem I'm not going to compete with you I won't compete you're on your own if we want Hashem to look over us in life if we want to Merit Divine Providence if we want him to secure us and and keep us healthy and happy and provide the abundance of blessing we want if we're inviting him into our lives we have to make room for him and if we make no room for him then he doesn't get angry he doesn't strike us down he just says you're on your own and now you're subject to the elements and now you're just a statistic so X number of people are going to get cancer X number of people are get in car accidents X number of people are going to get struck by lightning and if you don't want me to protect you and be involved in your life no problem I'll step back and now you're just subject to the elements we mentioned on chabas they say in the program ego stands for edging God out that's at the core of all three K and is ego and ego is edging God out so we can either live lives in which we're making more room for Hashem we're inviting him in in which case we Merit even greater Providence or we're living lives in which we're pushing him out and then we better be ready for whatever comes because we're on our own we're on our own when these forces rule over us they close before us the pathway to amuna we can't even see straight we also all know people like this and maybe we've lived with this our judgment is impaired sometimes you know we were so caught up in our ego that we weren't thinking clearly about a certain situation we were so caught up in our ego that we didn't end a fight that should have been ended or fight that didn't even need to happen we're so caught up in our ego that we didn't go someplace that we really ended up just hurting ourselves by not participating we're so caught up in our ego that we damage relationships that we believe and that really matter around us so what happens is the ego and the ego Express through Envy or through lust or through honor but the ego clouds our judgment and when our judgment is clouded it blocks paths so here we talked about we're coming off of pesak we're coming off the last days we all have yamu in our lives we all have these blockages and we have these things that we feel some people it's a Health Challenge it's a Nas challenge it's a fertility challenge it's a parnasa challenge it's people have challenges real challenges in life relationship challenges and we ask Hashem split our sea make us a path to walk through to get to the other side so sometimes Hashem splits the sea but we're so blind we don't see the path that's open before us because our ego is so inflated is so big we're so consumed by jealousy honor or lust that we don't even see the path that was really there all along there was an out there is the ability to improve our relationship or with our children or to to Aspire to greater parnasa or whatever it is that we want in life sometimes the path is carved for us Hashem splits our sea but we don't walk through and why don't we walk through because we can't see it and why can't we see it because our vision is clouded and why is our vision blurred or clouded because our ego is in the way our ego's in the way so this is a Shear on amuna and every week we talk about amuna but what is telling us is before you could talk about amuna you got to remove the impediments to amuna and you'll never live with a life of amuna if the impediments are blocking you and the impediments of your ego always needing honor and always being driven by lust and looking around at the world and being envious of other people it leaves no room for amuna it sabotages Our Lives it's self-destructive it clouds our judgment and it knocks God out ego edging God out it knocks him out of the equation if you're missing the uh what's it called V note the the curtains thank you the window dressing you know so you're at your house and you came back and from when from when from Home Depot from Lowe's and you know you bought whatever and you hung at yourself and okay you you got the but you went to your friend and some designer has seven layers and it's all electric and it closes and it's the shade and the shade behind the shade and the Blackout Shade and then the drop down blinds and you say wow I need that that's what they have I need that so now what's going to happen you're going to relentlessly pursue more money because you need what your neighbor has and what happens when you relentlessly pursue money now you're going to give up the time you had with your family you're going to give up your health you're going to give up your learning Torah now you might cut corners and put your yourself at risk and put yourself in danger all because you need the window dressing the curtains you're going to be lying there at night and you're going to be on seven ambiens and four um what are the other pills what the vitamins we give melatonins and you're going to be lying there and you still can't fall asleep you took three ambiens and four melatonins and went through seven scotches and you can't fall asleep why cuz I need the curtains my neighbor has I need them they have them I need them I need that car I need that size house I need that clothing did you see that ring I need that vacation do you see where they went for pesak I need that whatever the I need is if life is driven by the I need what do you give up your blood pressure your cholesterol your your heart disease your your diabetes you haven't slept you're not breathing deeply and drawing enough oxygen to your lungs what are you going to do you say you know what I calculated I really can get the curtains how I opened 17 new credit cards and I put it on the 17 new credit cards and I spread it across and I went into incredible debt and now this is what consumes you it's all you think about and it drives every decision you make a person who's living in that way is far away from a life of amuna how could you have a in Hashem how could you have be happy or how could you be satisfied and how could you have faith and how could you feel that Hashem is giving you if you don't have a sense of that die looked at the world and he said he told the world it's enough and he told us sing die what I have is enough die it's enough the satisfaction the formula to happiness it's in our hands if we just singu not only on PES but we singu all year round die okay so I've got the the the paper fold down with the sticky thing on top blinds put them up when I moved I said I was going to get permanent Shades it's 72 years later and I still have the paper full down huge sticky note blinds hanging on my window okay can the neighbor see in no so shine I'm good what else do I need di G it's enough I have nobody could see in and I can't see out and it's enough that's all I need what else do I need so if we live a life with we have room for amuna and if we live a life that is never Dau then we've edged God out yes hereu very much to the extreme where is the line why not to get the $100 here's the question first of all you can get a $100,000 Chandelier the question is why did you buy the $100,000 chandelier this is the big question in life you can have whatever you want whatever you can afford whatever is responsible assuming you're allocating properly you're charitable you're generous with others you're as generous with others as you are with yourself anyone can have the nicest things in the world the question is why do you have it do you have it because you value it you appreciate the quality of it you like it and you don't care if anyone else ever sees it or do you have it because someone else has it meaning do you crave it only because you saw someone else it is that what drives it the mash in K where I went to Yesa used to always say he said you'll never find a man who's upset he didn't get an Aliyah on a Tuesday or Wednesday why because nobody gets an Aliyah on Tuesday or Wednesday only shabas Monday and Thursday meaning you're not upset you didn't get an Aliyah you're upset someone else got that Aliyah do you know how long it's been since I got an Aliyah and he just got an Aliyah 3 weeks ago and that was his way of saying so you're never upset on a Tuesday or Wednesday say it's not the alyah you don't want to say it's not that you want you called up to the Torah so much it's that why should that person get it so that we can have the nicest things in life the most expensive the highest quality the nicest things in life the question is why we want it do we want it because someone else has it or do we want it because we value it again we could talk about whether we should crave those things even internally and and so on and so forth but I'm a believer that as long as you can live without something you're entitled to have it that's what to me people are not going to be driven people are not going to be doctors lawyers rabbis you'll be driven to succeed because you want those things for yourself not because you need them because others have them because if you want because what other people have you'll never be happy if you want because you're driven and motivated that's a wonderful thing drive drive is a great thing and then you're going to work I have a brother-in-law I remember when when he was dating my sister and when he got married and I was in a certain world at that time in in Yeshiva and in that world these guys were all like competing they wanted to you'd go away for shabas or theiva guys would flip their jacket over because they wanted everyone to see the tag in their jacket you know had an Armani had a this had a that you took off your shoes everybody should see he had your shoes you know like these young Yeshiva guys were competing who had the nicest the clothing the status to this or that and and and my brother-in-law came from a different world and he actually had the nicest of everything but I'd always noticed he' fold his tie not with the label on the outside but the inside he'd fold his jacket where nobody could see what he had he had his shoes and I talked to him about it and he said I don't care if anyone knows he was RA like this is the most quality these last the longest this is what fabric feels the best and I the contrast of those two worlds in that time which was which was very formative for me was really powerful there was a world of people who had no idea what the quality was you see this now with people who are going into debt to the world of smoking meats and buying single mold scotches and everyone every Jew is a wine connoisseur all of a sudden with a wine collection who really you know you could pour manevitz in a $400 bottle they wouldn't know the difference but they have to compete with when they have and they bring out and and I'm not knocking it I enjoy the wine or the scotch or the meat believe me I enjoy it as much as the next person I'm not knocking it the question is why do you enjoy it do you enjoy it because you've acquired The Taste and you see hashem's beauty and you admire Hashem and you want to make a b GFF and and and you connect to Hashem through it or do you enjoy it because you came over I got to show you the bottle I brought out I have this bottle I have this connect collection I am a connoisseur I compete I have the most knowledge so this it's ego it's ego that's what R is saying is enjoy the nicest things in life enjoy the finest things in life enjoy the most quality things in life make sure you can afford it make sure you can live without it again the way I say it always is you can only live with when you've proven you can live without if you've come to the point that you need it then you can't have it you can only live with it when you prove when do we do that six months from now it's the the opposite holiday of the year we leave our air conditioned comfortable stable beautifully decorated with wonderful curtains home and we go out outside to a flimsy simple Suka for a week to say once a year for a week I prove I can live without now I can go back inside and I can live with right if you always fly business class once a year you should have to fly coach prove you could live without it if you always stay in the suite once a year you should stay in the stom room if you always drink the whatever once a year you can only live with when you've proven that you can live without it doesn't Define you so enjoy it enjoy the fight you can afford it you can prove you can live without it's all to get you closer to Hashem and position you to be a better servant of hashm in this world enjoy enjoy it all but it should never be because I need the honor or I'm envious that my friend has it or I'm driven I have lust and Temptation for it that's the difference if you live life that first way that you can live without it and it doesn't Define you and it's not bringing you rooted into this world and so on then it actually brings you closer to Hash makes you a better person if you do it for the other reasons for ego then you've edged God out okay will continue next week thank very much