Parsha Perspectives (Matos-Masei, 5782) - Kashering Ourselves

good morning booker to welcome back to partial perspectives for today i want to thank as always our generous series sponsor dear friends becky navi katz and family in memory of becky's father david grossman our learning should be lila nishmas david there are opportunities each week to sponsor this year in addition to the series sponsor if you'd like to you can go online vrsonline.org sponsor we'd love and appreciate your support a great opportunity and honor and memory of someone to sponsor the shoe itself or to sponsor the write up that you can get delivered right to your inbox every week right up on the partial perspectives okay this week we have a double powershot we're finally catching up with eric's estral matos and massa we begin with matas page 900 in the art scroll stone and then the torah tells us moshe spoke to the heads of the tribes and he said the following this is the thing that god has commanded what did god command if a person takes a vow a person makes a pledge or a promise o is to distinguish between that which is holy and that which is profane so holy we use our words to create and to build holiness don't profane your words don't make your words cooler speech is sacred it's holy we can construct we can build or we can destroy we can eliminate we can knock down if we use our power of speech properly we can create and build and if we abuse the power of speech we misuse it to slander the gossip to criticize to complain then we've taken our very word we've turned it into something whole the potential for holiness and sanctity and we've made it something which is profane and mundane holyoke everything you promise everything you pledge everything you say you're going to do you need to and you must do last year we focused on this and shared several interpretations of it i told you an amazing story of maury varabe who to this day does not take sugar in his teeth because he once told someone he doesn't loyal whatever you say has to be true whatever we say we have to follow through our word has to be our bond it has to mean it has to mean something rashes says as we said don't turn it into something which is kulim the greater of zeddle have been quoting from his it needs to awaken and needs to arouse us it needs to make us aware of the power of speech and the greatness of man we don't only have a world that we navigate and operate in which hashem said this is permissible this is forbidden this you can do this you can't do but we have the power to transform that world so take this chair this chair according to the rules of torah it's permissible there's nothing wrong with it it's not hectic it has not been consecrated to the base of mikdash there's no status to it that precludes us from using or benefiting it but what if a person makes a vow and they say the chair is forbidden to me we can turn and transform the chair into a piece of chaser you can turn the chair into a piece of pork a bacon pig we have the ability through our words to transform the status and transform the status so it is as binding as if god himself said it hashem says this is not kosher of course it's not kosher but we could take something that is entirely kosher and maybe we would do well to say this bag of cape cod potato chips but i'm taking a nether this bag of cake got potato chips these trader joe corn chips believe that they're just for the sheer i'm taking a nether that i'll never eat them i'll never touch them i'll never benefit so for the person who says that the potato chips the corn chips they are as forbidden to them as a piece of pork and pork as a piece of bacon that's the power of man that's the power of speech when we read this section the opening of precious matters when we engage the halakhas of the dharam we learn through it should awaken us and remind us the power of speech power of speech the shaman says it is forbidden as an enormously severe penalty to the prohibition of mila you cannot violate consecrated property israel this is a unique power given to the jewish people in our mouth is hidden in our power of speech is embedded in enormous power and enormous responsibility and that's why jewish people we are called beginning we are called on the da bear we are called the madaba targa monk was translated what does it mean that we became a living animated vibrant being the power of speech is what differentiates us what makes us different than animals we don't grunt we don't bark we don't meow we use the power of speech we articulate thoughtfully mindfully strategically we're present in everything we say we say what will be helpful and useful and constructive we don't say what we shouldn't say what will be a waste that's godless and that's what salvatrix said you know why we begin the holiest day of the year with what seems to be the most bizarre practice of the year yom kippur we parade the tournaments to the bhima the hazards decked out in white surrounded on either side holding the torah and leads us with the with the harrowing tune of col nadre i would sing it for you but even in the three weeks you don't deserve that kind of punishment the tune of con ninja call nitrate holiest day of the year holiest night of the year let's get it started let's kick it off how do we kick it off you ever read call nigerian english try singing the tune of col nidrei to the english version of call nigeria and they might just send you right off the dare it's the strangest thing in the world all these vows and promises and cole nidre vows and promises and oaths whether i meant them whether i didn't meant them we start to get into the minutiae and the details and the laws and the intricacies i i'm bound by it i'm not bound by it i said it i meant it every formula way however i said it what are we doing what are we doing the holiest night of the year center senator sullivan you know how we begin yom kippur by saying my words matter i'm about to spend 25 hours saying i'm sorry i pledge and i promise to be better i express my regrets and remort and my opponent remorse on my apology and i paint the picture and i promise i will be a better version of myself so you know how we start out we say well one second before you make any promises before you apologize before you make any big bold statements let me remind you words matter they change reality they create nadarum and shivuos that we are as bound by as the laws from hashem so really embedded him with an opening of our parsha says residual epstein is the power and the greatness and the strength that we have with our words not only true in the dharma that we change the status of something from permissible to forbidden as forbidden as if god said it but it's also true how we use our words to change the world for the better to build up and to complement and to elevate or we could use it to destroy he goes on as he goes on at length but he ends by invoking the possibility tells us death and life are in the hands of the power of speech power of speech you could slander you could knock down you could malign you could criticize you could complain or you could compliment and you can build mama death and life are in the hands of the power of speech what a powerful reminder and here the partial then goes on and tells us and again we've studied so much of this we happen to read the same pressures every year so i'm trying to always introduce new ideas and new angles but it's so tempting because we said such great stuff that i want to remind myself and you of it but we're going to see some new angles so torah tells us do not mundane profane your words if a woman takes a vow her husband has the right to know that she is an adult when she is a child her father has the right and the ability to annul it and yet the torah tells us something very interesting here in pasag s if her father what happened to her father on the day that he hears she made a vow so his daughter said i will never ever ever ever go to the mall again and he knows his daughter that that's an impossible vow for her to keep it'll never ever ever ever happen so quickly even though she doesn't know he just overheard it or he sees her whatsapp status and she proudly takes a whole selfie video about her vow i'll never go to the mall again and he sees the whatsapp status and he says uh oh i need to save her from herself so what does he do he annulles the vow even without her knowing and then what does she do not an hour later she can't help it she has to go to the mall there she is in the mall shopping window shopping actual shopping and as she's walking through the mall she's thinking to herself i blew it i just posted on my whatsapp status for the whole world to see that i'll never go in the mall again and here i am the sale was just too strong it lured me in i can't help it it's our father and all the val but she didn't know says the torah hashem she will need to be forgiven what does that mean she will need to be forgiven what does rashford say on those words need the glasses but i love you it's a case where the husband heard about the vow and announced it before she could violate it where the father heard an adult before she could violate it even though the vow was annulled she still needs atonement she still needs to be forgiven which from a legal standpoint makes no sense if i were her lawyer i would have the easiest and most slam dunk case of all time i'd come to court and i would say hashem let's look at the timeline let's go to the videotape let's go to the audio recordings let's go to the mall security cameras let's see what time she made the vow i annulled the vowel before she went to the mall and seemingly violated it so why does she need to tell him in her forgiveness true she didn't know that truth she thought she was violating it but so what look technically and the law follows the technical timeline technically i know that before she violated it why does she need forgiveness why does she need it why does she need atonement whatsoever so time of the crown news stay for today time with the crown of the gift from my good friend ramendi time of the craw is the safer maybe the first of khan kaniyevsky is that published i believe it was a young man maybe in his teens when he published time to the qra and it is an astounding safer it goes to the parsha several books of tanach tv davening and his mother mccomos from kaneoski at such a young age was so prodigious was so brilliant was such a genius that even the beginning he writes he says i took notes as i learned when it reminded me of other sources and they've asked me to put it together in a safe it's a fine here it is and it doesn't even published originally his name wasn't even in the on the title page so time of the quran kanyevsky in the year of mourning for the loss of the great torah this great god of the torah so here's one example says rash according to nazir here we learn that a person who intended to eat schmaltz a person who attempted to eat pork bacon the aqua bus or till that instead ate a piece of kosher meat that individual needs atonement but why they thought they were went and bought a piece of bacon they fried it on the stove it's crispy and it smells great and it has a great country as they bite into it ah delicious bacon boys i'll have to pay for it later but i've always wanted to taste it delicious and little do they find later that it turns out the package they took out of the fridge to make this bacon they nip they failed to see the tiny print that said kosher bacon it was from a kosher animal sliced similarly and they just prepared it so why it was kosher meat it was kosher bacon i know it's an oxymoron but it was kosher bacon allah should have been formulated differently why does tell us you intended to eat pork and you ate kosher meat you need kaphara no you intended to eat pork even if you ate kosher meat because you had the poor intention you need capara atonement for the wrong intention why don't we formulate it in other words when you get upstairs and god you say what are the charges you say one count of having the wrong intent one count of wanting to eat pork or bacon why is it and you ate the kosher animal you're liable you need a kaphara you ate the kosher animal right also i thought that hashem only credits us when we have the right thought or a positive thought that hashem credits us as if we did that thing but not the inverse when we have the wrong thought he doesn't credit us as if we did the wrong thing so what's going on over here that when you eat something which is prohibited you're benefiting from the taste in other words when you eat something that's prohibited there are two parts number one you're actually imbibing you are digesting that which is prohibited you're not supposed to eat it it's user and you're eating it but there's another layer or level which is you're getting hana there's the pleasure and the benefit of eating that which is forbidden and why is that the strongest yet sahara that a person has is for that which is forbidden to us we know this phenomenon in modern psychology it has a name what is it called the forbidden fruit syndrome what is the forbidden fruit syndrome alda marishan was told enjoy the shmorg all you could eat whatever you want here it is you see the one tree no apples it wasn't apples one thing we know despite renaissance art it was not an apple it was a date it was a fig it was an asteroid it was all kinds of it was a grape it was not a it was not an apple but you see that one tree the etadas let's just just stay away smorg schmorg whatever you want eat your hearts delight delicacies delicious whatever just don't eat that the snake what is it all they crave what is it all they want by the way hashem has not said you can't eat that thing they may not have even gotten to the end of the buffet they may never have even noticed it there but because hashem said you can't have that what happened that's all i want that's what shakhtar explains the gemara magillah it says where do we see an illusion or a reference to haman from the torah that's when god challenges did you eat from the tree of the same letters just change the vowels but it's more than acute play on words and haman it was the exact same phenomenon had every person in shushan bowing down to him except for one sahaman don't sabotage your own success your position your career just don't pay attention so you don't have the one so the lowly jew mordechai is not bowing down but everybody else is bowing down you have everything and everyone why are you only focused on the one thing you can't have where is that phenomenon from haman it's the same phenomenon so says that when we eat something prohibited not only are we enjoying the mamas the food that actually we're eating what else are we getting benefit or pleasure from ah i wasn't supposed to be allowed to have that that's what i crave more than anything i'm enjoying that which is forbidden i'm enjoying that which is forbidden when you thought you were eating the wrong thing you got a smack you got a pleasure you got a joy you got a hannah the forbidden fruit okay you know in my mind this cognitive dissonance i'll have to pay for it later here's why i justify it rationalize it here's why it's okay but there's a pleasure that which is specifically forbidden that which is specifically supposed to be out of reach is a pleasure so that's what you need the kaphara for it turns out what you ate was kosher bacon turns out what you ate there was nothing wrong but the pleasure you got when you thought you were eating real bacon the joy the rebelliousness of the joy or being above the rules or having that which you thought you couldn't have that was it we specifically have this urge this yearning we want to rebel and have that which is out of bounds that which is off limits that which we can't have people like to do that which is forbidden against the rules the zamasu and that's why who gets more reward the one who's obligated or the one who volunteers i would have thought who gets more reward volunteer volunteers not obligated but shows up anyway who does it anyway so women are exempt from time bound mitzvos when they volunteer who gets more award the men who are obligated or a woman who's exempt if a man is exempt from a particular mitzvah and he nevertheless volunteers who gets more award the one is obligated or the one who's exempt i would have said the one is exempt does it anyway who volunteers but that's not the case why is because once you're commanded now kicks in this urge this instinct to do the opposite when you weren't commanded you don't have to overcome the yatahara to do it in fact it's quite the opposite the very fact that you're driven this is the ritva's understanding of akama the very fact that you are internally driven to volunteer to do it makes it so much easier for you you don't deserve a reward because the reward is satisfying the internal urge to do the right thing but the person that says i don't want to do it i have no interest in do it i don't feel like doing it and i'm overcoming and fighting and confronting and battling in fact the enormous urge not to do it you know why because he told me to do it because he told me to do it now i don't want to do it so they get a bigger reward the one who's commanded has to overcome the natural instinct to not do what you're told to do the one who is not commanded or told to do it has no natural urge that they have to overcome them so that's what's going on over here beautiful inside time namely why why do you need because you took a van out to go to the mall you took a vow not to eat the potato chips so it's true that you could get off on a technicality they're gonna go represent you in court you don't need the greatest lawyers to prove that based on the timeline you were already annulled but it doesn't matter when you did it you got the kishmaq of merida of rebelliousness you got the geshmach of going against the rules you got the geshmach that pleasure that joy of thinking that it doesn't apply to you for that hashem isla that itself needs kaphara perak after we move on from the dharam basin the connect must be israel it's time to get even it's time who was it who said i don't get angry i get even hashem they took that line from parshas matas hashem says i don't get angry i get even the nas bane israel [Music] hashem tells moshe it's time for revenge take the revenge of the jewish people against midyan and afterwards will be gathered onto the people i got something for you to do before you go anywhere before you are retired before you leave this world before you exit stage left we've got something to take care of we've got some scores to settle we've got to take care of some things it's not hashem's wedding day but he is child's wedding day but he nevertheless takes care of all the people that he wants to eliminate and the top of that list is we all know from last week's passion two weeks ago seductively sent their women what bilum failed to do with his mouth the women were able to do with their provocation with their seduction their temptation they got the men to worship palpa or the men violated that ethical boundary of promiscuity midjan attacked midyoung took us down 24 000 people died 24 000 people died because we couldn't keep it together so god says ready it's time for revenge that is all to talk about here we've spoken about some of it in the past we'll revisit some of it now why is it called dickmas israel hashem says to moshe go avenge the vengeance of whom the jewish people we're not going to get into it right now i'll pose it to you as a question because it's interesting to think about generally are we allowed to take revenge we have a torah prohibition one of the 613 one of the taryage is losing velocity or two prohibitions los cicon velocito you may not take revenge there are two types of revenge velocity tells us both one of them is this is what the gemara gives us the classic example what happens i went to go borrow your lawnmower and you said absolutely not i don't trust you this is a high-tech lawnmower there's no way so sorry you can't borrow it then you come over to borrow my mixer my bread maker i say so locom is i say no you don't let me borrow your lawnmower you can't borrow my bread maker that's revenge the jew is told you can't take revenge locitor is you know by all means please help yourself to my breadmaker because i'm not like you you didn't let me borrow the lawnmower but i'm so much better i would never behave that way i'd never stoop to that level so by all means enjoy the bread maker that's lositor with that voice and that tone that's lositor so torah has two prohibitions so how could it be that hashem and joins us you're not allowed to take revenge and here in the comment must be israel here hashem says to moshe are you ready it's time to get even we don't get angry we get even i thought we don't get even i thought we have a prohibition of getting even the prayer for the martyrs particularly of the crusades but really to all the modern martyrs of jewish history every shabbos morning we interrupt our beautiful dappening people don't appreciate we essentially recite a keal malay we recite a memorial prayer every show this morning and say hashem as we are enjoying shabbos do us a favor get even with all those through our history who have murdered and pillaged and raped and oppressed and persecuted and exterminated and get even with all of them that's avaracham master of compassion don't show compassion get even take care of our enemies pay back time what happened to losing tour i thought we don't take revenge that's the question we're not going to talk about right now but we'll talk about is nikom nikmas binay israel why is the court called the revenge of the jewish people so rebellion who is the abysm of why is it the revenge of the jewish people it should be the revenge of god that the knights violated hashem and the answer is the jews had made a mistake they gave into the temptation but because midjan tempted them they caused it therefore they are responsible not only for what they did to hashem but they're responsible for what they got the jewish people to do to hashem they bear both but the opposite is also true me the toba maruba midas piranhas that when a person through their behavior not only does the right thing for themselves but inspires and motivates and is a model and encourages others they get that other person's reward in addition to their own it works both ways that's why sister played class and that's called nickmas binet israel because midyan not only do you have to pay for what you did you have to pay for what you caused the jewish people to do as well the author of kama has another interpretation of liquemas inaudib to avenge the vengeance of benistra all but momentarily moshe is going to call it nikom nigmas says hashem the million impossible if you just read a little bit further moshe calls it nikhmas binayi israel so which is it is it nickmas i'm sorry nick masashem is it the revenge for the banana israel or is it the revenge for hashem which is it says the author [Music] what the torah is communicating to us here very subtly is that the jewish people in hashem we are synonymous and we are one you can't be cruel or mean i've said this song so many times if you're cruel and mean to my children you're cruel and mean to me a person can't be unkind to my child and then come to me as if we're best friends and when i say one second hello you just the way you just reacted or spoke to or treated my child we're not good and they said what do you mean that's your child what does that have to do with the relationship i have with you and the obvious answer is no no my child is me my child is an extension of me the way you treat your child my child is the way you're treating me and the way you treat me is the way you're treating my children if you're cruel or mean or unkind to me you're not going to go to a bowl game with my child my child is going to say how you treat my parent that way we're not good we're synonymous we're intertwined we're one and so says the author of calm that's what the torah is communicating to us it is simultaneously both nick mas bene israel and nick because the way you treat us we are agents and ambassadors we are the children we are the first born children israel of hashem when you treat the jewish people while you're treating god well and when you mistreat the jewish people you are mistreating god it is all one and we are all intertwined verb has a very similar teaching and very powerful teaching and a very appropriate teaching during these three weeks as we're grieving in mourning and longing for the rebuilding of the base and mikdash and again this beautiful safer which is not renachman on the parashat specifically the teachings on the parsha based on and he says the following again he notes the contradiction which is it is you have to know nazis and inquisitors you have to know anyone who's ever attacked us our enemies you thought you were taking out human jews who you thought were lowly filth you were actually taking on god himself when you take on the jewish people you're taking on god is that arrogant and egotistical of us we don't really care if you take on us you're taking on god we bear that responsibility on the other end you've got seven minutes as we've got 613 the entire world has and always will judge us on a higher standard so you're judged at a higher standard if you take us on if you take on the jewish people you are taking on god yodan and he says something very powerful here you ready you know it's easy for us to say we're a family so we mistreat one another it's you the outsider that's who we'll stand up against that's what we won't tolerate that's what we'll confront and reject and push away now we're entitled to mistreat one another we're family but you you don't have that license you don't have that right it says that's all wrong the same principle that we've just learned that the torah is suddenly teaching us here nikhmas bin israel equals and equates to nicknas hashem if you mistreat a jew you're mystery god that's not only true externally from our enemies outside that's also true the way we treat one another russian government i spoke about this i spoke about going from hyper criticism to hyper compliments i actually had this source but didn't get to it story of my life that you need to judge others favorably how why should i judge that russian marutia why should i judge that wicked evil ice reject obnoxious person positively haven't they forfeited and lost my benefit of the doubt in them why should i judge them favorably aren't i entitled and aren't i correct and accurate to judge them exactly the way i am aren't they a russian marusha what's the answer says no the burdens on you if you would take the time if you'd investigate and analyze if you'd plumb the depths of the other person you would find something redeemable in them even the people on the surface even the people who beyond the surface seem irredeemable and there are people like that after the three weeks i'll give you the list i'm just joking there are people like that they're so irredeemable there's nothing likable attractive admirable about them even those people there's something inside if we get to know them if we learn about them if we understand them if we engage them we'll find something in them and you know because in everyone there's a spark of goodness and everyone is something redeemable in everyone there's something you can connect with and attach to and find admirable toef hashem hashem gives a tov he points and he plants something good in everyone so youtube every jew is walking around with the peace of god literally inside them israel so when you have a conflict with a fellow jew when you malign them when you speak negatively when you slander them when you mistreat them when you're having a mache look as a conflict with them when you marginalize them when you stereotype them when you fail to give them benefit of the doubt or cut them slack you know who you're taking on do you know who you're slandering do you know who you're marginalizing the almighty himself because that jew is a unique expression of hashem in this world now again it may be difficult to see it but that's our burden and that's our responsibility to find it and when we marginalize or slander or when we are cruel or unkind to that yid to that jew we are mistreating we are maligning we are neglecting hashem himself hashem himself stay far away from conflict stay away from that shabbos table that conversation over a text message that that whatsapp group whether speaking negatively about an institution a leader a person a member of the family get out stay away stay far away far away you know why because hashem takes revenge because when you marginalize or complain or hyper criticize a jew that's how you're treating hashem nicomas bene israel is nick when hashem will avenge them and right the wrong and stand up for the justice of the person has been mistreated you don't want to be anywhere near that you know why hashem is not just doing it for that jew he's doing it for himself nickmas bennett they are intertwined and they go together and that's why and that's why says the altar of calm that's why says rab nachman that's why they're interchangeable nikhmas hashem nick masbane nicholas we are an extension of him and that is why they go to that is why they go together um okay i'll tell you one more thing on this nickname only because you pressured me to the ballet also say the following after you will be collected to your people first we've got business to do the balance is right on this side himself go and avenge go and take revenge for what happened and moshe says i'll take responsibility but i'm sending somebody else i'm delegating this one out why did he delegate this one out hashem asked you to do something that's it's a great honor it's a great privilege why would you delegate it out ella ayodesha and omar anybody said moshe i can't do it myself why not listen god if it needs to be done you said it needs to be done i'll get it done but i can't do it why not i grew up in vidyam i was raised in vegan i went to those midnight restaurants i shopped in the midnight stores i saw the mid united doctors i grew up in mid-june those are my people i i can't ami bedin gold what is the word edgard is rebel i can't rebel against them given what they did for me so i'll get it done hashem because you said it needs to get done and we have a saying the wild that you drink from don't throw dirt in don't throw dirt in the well that you drink from don't throw a dirt in the well that you drink from i drink from the mid yen well that's where i grew that's where i matured so how could i be the one who takes revenge and who wipes them out of god rebelliousness god says do it and you're worried about rebelling against the midianites the same provocateurs the same midjianites who brought down 24 000 jews who caused the pandemic epidemic a plague of 24 and you're worried about rebelling against them rather than the word of god hashem says go do it you say i'll get it done but i can't do it i can't rebel against them what's going on over here cesaro simply says an incredibly beautiful and powerful insight he says you see hakara satov you see the power and the responsibility of the notion of gratitude to be grateful even to those who turn on you midge unite now kind and uncruel and what they caused but the role they once played i can't rebel against the principle of gratitude it's not midian per se that moshe refuses to rebel against it is the principle of gratitude throughout our lives you have to always be conscious conscious of the good that people have done and even if that changed and even if they turned and even if we then later suffered we have to remain loyal to the principle of gratitude to remember what people have done to be ungrateful says moshe rabbenu is his rebelliousness and he wants no part of it so on the one hand hashem says it needs to be done he'll get it done hashem says it's got to get done it's got to get done but on the other hand he says i can't do it why can't i do it i benefited from midyam that would violate the principle of akarazatov and we know we have so many examples it's also i motioned into the first two plagues even though there was inanimate object moshe says i can't strike denial why and i'll save my life i floated in the nile that's how i was saved you say uh moshe i don't know if you know facts don't have feelings and denial doesn't have feelings so what are you worried about hurting denial over here so you missed the point because gratitude is not about the recipient of the gratitude why is gratitude critical and important why is it crucial for the one who gives the gratitude we need to stay humble gratitude is an exercise in humility arrogant people can't express gratitude that's the famous rafner model grateful and admission every statement of gratitude is an admission i needed you i benefited from you nobody can make that admission if they're arrogant so gratitude is an exercise in humility so we are grateful for us not for the person you say they don't deserve it so while i'm not i'm not saying thank you because they deserve it i'm saying thank you because i need to experience that exercising humility to say thank you that was moshe with the nile and its motion now with mid yen and it's moshe in his whole life moshe who's the av moshe who's categorically different than any other human being in all of history that moshe is the most that we need to that we need to learn from to uh to forever be grateful and to never take anything for granted in our in our lives and the leaders all go out to meet them outside the camp and here moshe gets frustrated and rebukes the officers of the jewish people what happened why is he rebuking but he's angry at them and he says did you let the females live they're the ones who brought us down how could you show compassion this was misappropriate compassion you did it the wrong way so moshe rabeno is rebuking them by itself a few things to say on this puzzle just cleaning up the youtube there we go someone inappropriately is bombing us still on youtube hate crime okay first is the author of slavka says the following alter of slovakia sorry yeah come on learn from here this is the first time we see motion get angry where else do we see it according to the rambam we saw 24 different explanations but according to the rambam moshe's failure memorial when he hit the rock was anger he indulged that that response of anger he got angry at the people here again by itself moshe and the marab sacrament tells us we learn from your kalakaua so you get angry you lose your wisdom you lose your wisdom so what do you see from your highest level anger here is it misplaced or is it correct asks the outdoor slovaka this is an appropriate anger they were sent out for a mission for a test and they came back and it was incomplete they misapplied their compassion and they let part of midyoung live particularly those who in fact were the most responsible moshe is right and he's just to get frustrated and to get angry so why is he criticized okay my sarcasm mitzvah not only was moshe right to get angry he did something noble it's almost a mitzvah he fulfilled ella what do you see from yours is the author of if god could be disappointed and if moshe was caused to lose his as a result it means even though it was a noble and justified anger mixed in and laced into that anger was a personal anger it was an anger that was unnecessary was extra anger and what is the result of personal anger you lose your you know why because when you get angry that's what we spoke about in shabbos afternoon several weeks ago what that partial past moshe's anger when you get angry you lose your judgment when you get angry you lose your humanity person is angry the blood flows from the unique part human part of the brain cortex to the animal fight or flight part of the brain we lose our humanity you literally become an animal you become an animal so moshe albania clearly laced into this reaction not only a noble and just demonstration of anger but there was actual emotion of anger and look at how negative look at how dangerous and damaging it is that one can lose even their wisdom as a result that is just how how dangerous and how terrible it is asks why does it have moshe's name twice in the passage why is moshe's name here twice in the in the passage so when it says torah zamasu says the following he says moshe's name is used twice to indicate that he paused between getting angry and speaking between his immediate reaction of anger and speaking if he spoke to them from anger it would have said what what's the harsher word for speaking we have several words for speaking amira haggadah dibor sipur we have many words and they reflect where it's coming from amira is a soft tone it's a lashon raka amir gentle soft sweet dibor stern dibor's angry divorce strong but it says vyomer doesn't says why somehow in between moshe and vayomer moshe he was able to gather himself he was able to calm himself down so it says rosamund sirotskin how did he get from being angry to speaking gently how did he go from this reaction a vice off frustrated angry disappointed to violate communicated softly effectively how did you get from there to there you know what the answer is there was a pause in between there was a break we don't always have to react immediately based on how we feel we're able to regulate our feeling we're able to gather ourselves we're able to focus were ever able to regain control he paused and he spent some time in silence before he reacted we rarely pause and experience silence not only in our conversations with others but in our conversations with ourselves we have a feeling and we indulge that feeling we have a reaction and we indulge that reaction instead of pausing and saying let me analyze let me think about let me consider let me have a conversation with myself why is his name twice because there was a break there was a silence there was a pause we read it in succession as if it all happened simultaneously but the reason his name is twice is because there was a pause and that pause is the secret it is the formula to how he went from vallec's off to vanilla how do you go from anger and how important is this in our relationships in our marriage and with our children and at work just because our blood pressure is rising and our pulse is speeding up and our sweat cannons are pumping out and we're really angry okay don't shoot off that email don't write that text don't burst into that room don't let them have it go from vaichof take that pregnant pause take that time and make sure you can get to a place of value rebellies or papa writes that silence is to anger as water is to fire silence is to anger as water is the fire water extinguishes fire water puts out fire look what's happening in california so last night there was a fire because of a lawn mower or a washing machine i forgot what and 24 houses burnt down because of the heat and now it's neighborhoods that are being ravaged by fire starts as a little spark in a lawnmower little spark in the lawnmower 24 homes one person's house burns down the whole community is turned over by what happened 24 hours is a neighborhood burnt down how does that happen because that little spark so dangerous spreads so fast it consumes everything in its way in its path the same is true with anger so how do you stop that fire water water puts out fire and says the pelio it's silence is to anger what water is to fire silence can extinguish it could diminish the flames it could control the rage the fire so not only does it not consume others it doesn't consume it doesn't consume ourselves if demon came from ancestral he came to bubble he said in the west and here's the throne they say they have an adage if a word is worth a seller silence is worth to silence is much more precious more valuable than speech but we we go right to speaking yelling texting emailing in times and moments when we should be silent revolber writes that we teach a child to speak they say their first word so excited yay candy boy ice cream you said your first word hopefully it's zeda yay yay but you know we never teach them to stop talking we never teach them you are silent yay that's the teenagers who make their presence known they should just listen but all of a sudden they interject if they're sitting there quietly you should say yay go to the mall yay we teach them to speak and we celebrate it but do we teach them and are we celebrating also the power and the value of silence the silence we think we have to fill every moment with speech but silence is the real reflection of a relationship but silence is also how we can control and regulate our emotions and our angers the world stands in the merit of those who are silent in the moment of dispute someone posted about you someone hung a poster about you someone screamed at you someone attacked you someone embarrassed you you just stand silent you stand quietly quiet don't respond don't match don't elevate or increase silence of don't lose yourself don't forfeit your humanity we learn more from being silent than from speaking the power of silence here is far greater than the power of of speaking and and what we get in return that comes to a person who could be attacked who could be yelled at who has every right to be angry and isn't the bracha such a person gets wow wow you know where we learn that silence from hashem we just spoke about it in cider snippets before the amidah which just began the amidah never too late to catch up on siddharthas hashem not how is great how strong are you god you could wipe out russia you could wipe out the romans you could wipe out our enemies you're not so strongly great because of what you do that's vocal you know why you're so great god because you're silent when you're quiet and you don't react that is a greater show of strength than reacting who's stronger the one in the fight who screams and yells and makes all scene or the one who has the inner strength to stay quiet to stay quiet that is a greater sign of strength that is a greater sign of strength we're running out of time so what should we do here is [Music] all the same theme we're going through them quickly elizabeth cohen speaks to those who came back from war and he gives them a message the division of the spoils and now we're going to get the laws of capturing utensils because when they came back from war so everybody knows when you come back from a trip you got to bring your wife a gift so what'd they bring their wives as gifts they they took all the spoils from the kitchen of mid-year they conquered mid yen they went to the kitchen they said the bread maker and the spatula and the frying pan the george foreman grill and the but what do you do you got to cash it the midianites did not keep kosher so here's where the torah tells us the laws of kashring here's the akash of different utensils so eliza cohen is speaking to these men and they're coming back what should it say they're coming what from war they're on their way back from battling again what does it say to war it's wrong it should be the coming from war says the katsuka you know why it says they're coming to war because they're coming to a harder more difficult war and what is it hashem is going to say the utensils they need to be kashub and you know what the jewish people are going to answer why do they need to be captured they're cleaned look at them sparkling and span clean shine to them they're perfectly clean why do i still have to put them in boiling water or why do i still pass them through a fire blow torch them look at it it's perfectly clean and what's the answer why does it need to be cashier because we have a principle what's the principle tom ki icker tom kicker means that the absorbed taste is as potent and powerful as that which should absorb the taste from so when you cooked when the midianites when they boiled up a pork roast in the pot even when you clean that pot that looks sparkling clean in the walls of the pot are embedded the taste of the pork roast and you need to purge it of the taste cabolo cacpolto how do we purge a taste that was absorbed through the same way it was absorbed if it was absorbed with water it's purged with water if it was absorbed with heat it's purged with heat it was absorbed of steam it's purged with steam i'm giving you hives right now because it sounds like the pesach workshop caster in the kitchen but you get out the taste the same way you came in liquid heat steam and so on says the cuts girl why are they described as coming to war not coming back from war because the war they're about to wage is much harder than the war that they just won the war they won was a physical war the war they won was against the midnight people but now they've got to wage an even harder war who is this war with themselves and what's the war they're waging with themselves just like the pot has absorbed the non-kosher taste you've absorbed the non-kosher ideas and ideals of midyan what have we absorbed what's in our heart and in our minds what non-kosher tastes have we absorbed and how do we get them out of the here they're coming back to war not from war why because just like the laws have had a casual utensil they're about to enter and wage the war how to cash for their brain and their heart how do we capture ourselves it says 48 ways the torah is acquired torah kashar the answer is the same way that we use boiling water or heat in order to remove the taste that was absorbed we need the study of torah is what purges the non-kosher tastes the non-kosher ideas and images that we have absorbed when we live our lives and we engage the world we absorb non-kosher tastes and images and ideas how do we get them out it's through the study of torah then they see the shelter by the way writes he says is the same way that if fire is the way you absorb taste you need fire to get it out if you pursued the non-kosher taste that you've absorbed with fire you need to become on fire to get it out if you had a passion in your pursuit of the non-kosher experience of life if you are on fire in the pursuit of that non-kosher idea then you need to match it to purge it to equally be on fire to get rid of it it goes together he continues to cut skirt why weren't we given these laws after we won the battle of and undoubtedly there too we had to come back from the war with a gift for our wives so we brought the bed bread maker we weren't exposed to and we didn't absorb those non-kosher ideas so we were able to not need the laws then but here when the torah is telling us the laws of allah it's not just telling us about the killing utensils it's really telling us about ourselves how to remove it for ourselves because even after the plague and even after we were done we continued to fantasize and think about and pursue and hold on to and hold on to the the midgum reminded of a story that's told it's told about a monk you can tell it about a rabbi there was a woman who was stuck a woman who was drowning and therefore they went in to save her and lifted her on the shoulders to carry her across the river and two hours later the young boy who was walking with the monk the rabbi whatever version of the story you prefer says i don't understand how you she was beautiful and she was magnificent she was attractive and how was it you were allowed to lift her and to carry her and and didn't that create a connection to her and the monk or the rabbi turned to the young man and he said i put her down two hours ago you're still carrying her around i left her across the river but i put her down two hours ago you're still carrying her with you so they were still carrying the benos mid yen with them true it was over and the plague was over and the war was over but there's still hira vera they're still walking around holding on to nostalgically that experience and the fantasy of it and therefore they needed to purge themselves they need to cushion themselves of it how do they capture themselves with it torah kashar is the same way this and that's why we have the laws of kasharing here oh yeah yeah you had so much more but let's go to maase for two minutes because we read ma say we can't disrespect marseille paraguam again we'll talk to class is this is really the most important thing you have to know about mass we didn't get into bene garden benevane who didn't go into israel they learned that so much we could get into how does it begin so the ramban in the name of the rambam the ramban here and there's possibilities of attorney god is a very not fun parsha these are the trips these are the travels of the jewish people back and forth and back and forth and they left her and they came there and they came there and they left here and back and forth and we have a whole tune in nick and just to get us through it what do we care so long you know it's like you know i don't know somebody came to see you children of church grandchildren came up to visit and they're like i got in the car and i drove and then we stopped at the gas station now he stayed overnight you're here hi let's just enjoy each other's company i don't need to know about every bathroom stop that you took okay it took you 22 hours and can you believe it in the flight and that i got it okay i got it it was miserable it was difficult traveling today is horrible my children's flight that was supposed to get in last night at 7 i think we got home at 2 a.m after they landed last night yeah traveling today is miserable i got it i don't need to know about every little okay and then the blue chips and the thing and okay i got it why do we need to have it here in the torah why are we elaborating so much you know why we go into gory detail here because in the future nobody would believe it 40 years 42 stops what did you live off of what did you subsist on how did you survive the desert there was a well there were clouds there was food that fell from heaven there was clothing that you didn't get out of nobody's going to believe it so you know what we need to do we need to record it we need to record the family narrative we need to tell the story tomorrow night we have behind the beam of dan grunfeld dan grenfell just wrote a book by the grace of the game about his father ernie gruenfeld ernie grunfeld ernie grunfeld was born in satner romania didn't speak english until he came here was eight years old and uh ended up being an all-star of the new york knicks a coach of the next an executive of the next a radio broadcaster you've heard of ronnie grunfeld now am i giving the shooter a bunch of boors you've heard of randy grunfeld so it's amazing because you didn't know that he wore the number 18 for hai or that ernie grunfell was a little boy growing up in saturn he got a bracha from thailand and then ernie grenfell's mother after surviving because of one wallenberg had a relationship still with the sabareb in new york wild ernie grunfeld so dan granfeld's tomorrow night i'm behind the pima he took the story three parts his grandmother survived his father what he became and who he was dan grandfather has his own fascinating story and that's the book so we'll talk to him about why it's important to know and to record your family narrative why do you have to know all 42 steps of your journey okay you're here now who cares how you got here who cares what your parents went through your grandparents went through who cares about your own life the bottom line is today where are you today and how are you living today what is what comes before matters why is that important and their rambam says it matters because no one would believe it and you need to know and you need to be able to trace and see the hand of hashem and how you got here today you need to be able to see and trace the hand of hashem guiding how you got here today and this is the greatest miracle of them all this is the greatest miracle of all the miracles that happened in the midbar of all the miracles that happened in the desert are these stops is this journey is the fact that we got here you see this idea also when it comes to the cooling the farmer who would bring the kurum comes and basically make dash stands for the coin and it says here's my first fruit by the way i used to be in the train then god did miracles and he took out i'm trying and then we went through the desert and then this and then that and that yeah just just give me the first fruit that's the mitzvah tie a ribbon first fruit deliver it yeah i got it i don't need the whole background what's the answer when that farmer says i'm grateful the farmer's not just saying i'm grateful for the first fruit you know what the farmer's saying for you know this is this is our experience today every single in our family and i'm sure it's the same in yours somebody stands up depends on the generation and the age and who is the matriarch or patriarch at that point in that sentra and and says something about the family story right it's a birth it's a bris it's a bar mitzvah it's a basketball it's a wedding it's a chevrolet it's an afroff they talk about the name they talk about your grandparents they talk about your great grandparents what they're saying is we're not just celebrating this moment in time we're not freezing the frame on today let's talk about how we got here hashem were overwhelmed with gratitude do you know what your great grandparents navigated do you know what they sacrificed do you know who they lost do you know what it means that you have this offroad do you know what it means that you're naming this baby girl like the farmer with bikuram and like parshasmasi that's the masse of our life and every jew like the jewish people then and if we had more time i would tell you this fantastic thick i hope they have one on them i haven't even looked yet because i love it it's so much fun so fantastic all this notion of this tradition that we have that every jew goes through the same number of stops from basham to us that we have to look at our lives and try to trace the same journey the same stops and see the same guiding hand of hashem we don't live in the present of course we live in the present it's the only dimension that we can impact but we live in the present with an enormous awareness of the past and tracing the past because how do you know where your next stop is if you don't know where your previous stop was of where you're coming from so there's so much more to say but we're out of time so until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy