Parsha Perspectives for Today (Vayishlach, 5782) - Are You an Assimilated Observant Jew

bokeh toby good morning to everyone welcome those who are live in person those who are watching as we stream live those who are listening later it is wonderful to be together and to have the opportunity and privilege to learn together parties which appears on page 170 a special thank you we always begin with gratitude and a gratitude to our sponsors for the apartheid series for the year and dear friends becky and all the cats and loving members of becky's father david this morning she was also sponsored by yosef kaplan in honor of the earth side of benitra and kaplan dedicated in honor of my grandmother rose goldberg who's here said was his past shabbos raja and in commemoration of the fourth year outside of brainerd kaiser and her husband children grandchildren and great grandchildren i have to say first of all i knew brianna kaiser and the shema should have been aliyah growing up in teaneck her son oren was a classmate of mine and good friend of mine and her daughter sent me a picture this week they were going through her house and they found a picture from my hummish party when i was in i guess first grade and i looked at it and i thought of myself there holding the uh humish nobody not my parents not my first grade teacher nor i when i was holding that commission first grade thought i would one day be giving a parsha shear so it is quite a picture but thank you to the kaiser family and hernan shamashitavan aliyah as well and as i said we have the privilege of heart learning page 107 is has run he fled from his brother asap after taking the broncos two weeks ago last week he does well for himself again for us it was one week for him it was 20 years 20 years felt like one week for us but he put in his time he worked hard and he earned the hand of both rachel and leia in marriage he became a father to many many children and now it's time it's time to try to reconcile it's time to try to reunite with his brother with asap and he sends ahead yaakov he sends angels ahead and here revolver has a comment on the introduction to the parasha i want to bring to your attention it appears in the revolver this parasha is for us now we know that every partial is for us every parsha inspires and elevates every parsha invigorates every partial gives us courage and strength every parsha is a perspective for that week that's why the title of our class of our shares parsha perspectives because we believe nothing is random we read a parsha whatever we're going through whatever message we need to hear individually collectively as a people is in that parsha says the ramban his introduction to the passion that this partial was written ladia to inform to tell us that hashem saved his loyal servant yaakov and redeemed him from that which is from the one who was stronger and this is to teach us what is the lesson of the parasha if you had to walk away you came home in one sentence you had to summarize what is the theme what is the essence what is the lesson of put his faith in hashem though certainly he did the parasha is about yaakov yaakov is a man of incredible faith of profound faith yaakov trusts that hashem will guide him through everything and bring him home safely but that's not the key lesson the key takeaway says that ramban is shallow by bitsy that he didn't trust to rely on his righteousness hishtadel he took initiative he was proactive he made an effort bahat salah in saving himself in all that he could writes for vulba established we live in a world we live in a natural order who deposited us in this physical material world in a world which is explained by science and medicine and nature and he wants us to operate within that world he wants us to operate within those rules he wants us to take an effort to make initiative to be proactive we're not meant to be passive spectators to our own life we're not meant to sit back and wait for him to rescue us we're not wait to not meant to wait and rely on a miracle and that is the lesson of is that yes does yaakov put his trust and faith in god absolutely israel is prayer one of the three-fold preparations he makes for this attempted reconciliation absolutely but simultaneous alongside prayer and faith amunah tomorrow morning every wednesday morning living with ammuna every wednesday morning we spend time reinvigorating and working out our amuna muscle so that we have an amuna instinct and a moon impulse and we react and we experience the world through the filter of the moon of course we must work on aramuna we have to see hashem everywhere and lean on him and rely on him however never at the expense of our own effort our own initiative sometimes the pendulum swings too far where we use a muna as a cop-out we use bitaco and trust in hashem as an excuse i'm not going to give it all my old i'm not going to take an initiative i'm not going to make an effort i'm not going to be proactive i'm not going to be the main character in bringing about my own redemption because there's hashem in the world let him do it that's the lesson of precious vaishla says says the ramban the great commentator but the lesson is that yaakov did not rely on his righteousness he did not sit back as a passive spectator he got involved our great patriarchs and matriarchs they didn't live some righteous life transcendent or removed from the natural order but rather they lived and they operated within it if a person recognizes the person knows a person sees that god created nature then nature also is part of hashem's plan for this world then we have to operate within it so in other words you can't eat unhealthy live unhealthy practice unhealthy policies about health and then think that you're going to be healthy hashem is going to take care of me i learn a lot it's okay i say a lot of tahilam i darven a lot so i eat like a hazer and i eat amounts and i eat foods and i eat at times which are going to clog my arteries and they're going to give me diabetes and they're going to kill me i'm not going to get vaccinated and use a miracle god has given us i'm not going to protect myself and ensure my health my safety i don't need to wear a seatbelt seat belt who wears a seatbelt you must not have no trust or faith in hashem if you wear a seat belt why would you wear a seatbelt the answer is because hashem wants you to wear a seatbelt excuse me i'm sorry the answer is said i invented the seatbelt i invented the brakes of the car too you're not going to use the brakes hashem says i invented medicines and healthy food and healthy living i invented a natural order natural life and one is not inferior one is not less than the ovo's if we feel that we engage the natural world and the gifts of hashem how to operate within it we are the true ambassadors we are the true inheritors of a legacy because our abuse as we see and partially doesn't sit back and say hashem i don't need a seatbelt let me go reunite with asav and i'm going to trust i'm going to rely on my righteousness i believe in you whatever it's meant to be is going to happen if it's meant to go peacefully and well i'll walk away if it's meant for him to kill me on the spot he'll kill me but i share my trust no yaakov says i'm going to meet with an evil wicked person who last time we spoke said i'm going to kill you so i would be a fool not to take him seriously there's a natural order in a natural world and we have to take our own initiative and not be passive spectators amazing insight building on this ramban he says living and operating in a world of nature is harder than living and operating in a spiritual dimension why because when you put all your faith and trust in hashem when something works out you say wow shem you're amazing hashem you were there for me hashem you answered my prayers hashem you made it work out but when you operate through the natural order let's say you work hard to earn a living and you close a bunch of deals you bring in a big profit you came up with a great business you're entrepreneur and innovative and creative and you do well you say never mind hashem i got it covered thanks i'm good to go i'm a genius and i work hard and i'm creative and i've got charisma and i know how to negotiate thanks i'm good to go i got it when we operate in that natural world we are much more vulnerable and susceptible to mistakenly conclude that we are responsible for our success that's the danger is in the desert we lived entirely under god's miraculous providence so god said you're thirsty here's a well it travels with you i got a water fountain there's a seltzer machine it's unbelievable you go to the oil of the rebbe the oil in uh in queens the rebbe they've got these machines there you put a cup whatever you want coffee tea seltzer soda water those things are that's what i picture was in the mid bar one of those machines you walked up to those machines whatever you were thirsty for diet peach snapple done you want a nice hot cup of tea good to go seltzer very bubbly delicious carbonated fresh you're good to go so in the mid-bar you were thirsty we had a traveling machine you are hungry the mud tasted like anything you want can you imagine the show unbiased she could have milks he could have flake chicks they could sit at the same table they're both eating the mun it tastes like whatever you want you don't even have to fight over it security protection you don't to fight over who's in the army who should be in the army is not serving in the army who wants to be in the army does the army really need that you know the fight they are not covered the clouds were protecting says revolba the desert hashem took here so guess what we knew we were under his divine protection we submitted surrender to them we felt it but then we get into ancestral and now we're going to plow and plant and harvest now we're going to build an army and a police force and we run that great risk of thinking you know who's responsible for success in israel it's our military prowess it's our ingenuity and creativity but this is what hashem wants he wants us to engage in that challenge he wants us to rise to that occasion he wants us to see him even when it feels like it's us so all this is by way of introduction but i think a very important introduction of revolver that when we read passions by isla and we're not going to rehash hashem there are people who listen to previous years every week i say if you want to know more you can listen to the previous year there are people who take me up on that offer then they say you said that last year be careful so now you live in a world i always say i'm the biggest environmentalist on the planet i love recycling i believe in recycling but anyway people don't appreciate it so we try to say new things but previously we spoke about the gemara tells us that rebbe reviewed nasi before he would go in to meet with his roman contemporary he would read practice vayishlach jewish people before he went to war would read passions by islam the threefold three-pronged strategy before we encounter before we engage our enemy before we confront the one who seeks our demise we need gifts we need to prepare for war and we need prayer that formula has existed since yaakov avinu and that formula continues to serve us until this very day but one of the messages so i wanted to begin with this that it's critically important in our time and the pendulum can't swing too far in either direction again this is what we talk about on wednesday mornings and living with emunah but a person shouldn't do too much initiative too much effort you can't work 16 18 hours a day if god wants you to be a millionaire you can make a millionaire in 8 10 11 hours a day when you work 14 16 hours a day at the neglect of your health the neglect of your family the neglect of your shama then it's it's excessive hishtatlas you can't have excessive initiative on the other hand you can't say i'm going to work an hour a day tim ferriss the four hour work week i'm gonna work four hours a week because i believe in hashem and i believe in tim ferriss so four hours a week i'm gonna work and the money's going to flow in hashem says that's not excessive initiative that's absurdly little initiative in the world we live in a natural order you can't work four hours a week and make a living certainly not if you have to pay day school tuitions it's just an impossibility so we have to find that that sweet happy medium we have to be able to thread that needle to know not too little just like the three bears not too little initiative and not too much initiative just the right recipe just the right mixture of initiative and faith too much faith is a cop-out you have to take some initiative too much initiative is a failure a lack of faith show a little bit of muna show a little bit of bitarchon and that is a message of pashas the fact that we meld the two that we find we're trying to synthesize a life that is both is not because we are less than the avos it is because we are the progeny of the others to truly be living the life and legacy of the abuse animals is to try to combine the two okay paragram and base pasta moving along next passage here's the message jacob sends messengers ahead he says go meet my brother i want you to scout it out come back a little intelligence gathering i want you to scouting report for me what's my brother is he open-minded is he open is he available is he is he even receptive to this what am i going to find when i meet my brother but here's what i want you to tell him tell him [Music] i was living with loved one and that's what took me until now i know it's been 20 years 20 years ago we had a fight now yaakov had a good excuse there was no whatsapp no facetime there was no text messaging or email but 20 years you hurt your brother you stole his bracha from his perception from his vantage point you really hurt him you really injured him you harmed him and you waited 20 years so the very first message yaka wants to get across is i would have been here a lot sooner if it were up to me i was living with lovan and let me tell you that was no picnic i was living with love on the biggest manipulator the biggest cheap the biggest thief in the world so believe me i would have been here sooner but mendel of kosovo shalom thank you to my dear buddy robin mirza for sharing this insight it took me ada until now says he says even though i was living for 20 years with lovan did not diminish in my eyes as if right now as if right now i arrived doesn't mean until now but as if atta as if right now he says in love on ghati i lived with love him and rashi tells us the famous rashi in love and garth rashid i lived with that wicked evil oyster thief lovan the target mitzvos but even though i was living with him i was living among the worst peer pressure i was living in the worst culture i was living in the worst surrounding the worst environment but i didn't compromise an iota i kept my convictions i observed my mitzvos i didn't learn from any of his wickedness i observed everything i didn't learn at all from his wickedness now this we did share previously disclaimer we shared this previously but it's worth repeating what does it mean i didn't learn from him is jakob showing off to his brother why would i want to hear this okay righteous brother you were only always holier than thou and you're still holier than now when i last left you you sat in the basement you learned all time you were the teacher's pet you were mom's favorite you were the holier than now and now you're sending me messengers to say just want to let you know still holier than now just want to let you know i lived with love on didn't compromise and iota tired mitsubishi just want to let you know i'm not showing off i'm not flexing but just want to let you know i'm perfect i just want to let you know target i kept it all i observed it all i observed it all why would he flex where the young people would say this is a t4 getting a lot of blank looks t4 is that therefore meaning therefore what time social marty uh okay why do i care so there's a beautiful insight lola martin wasn't flexing yaakov was not showing off and yaakov was not trying to shove at nasa's face yaakov was actually speaking negatively about himself yaakov was actually regretful he says lullaby it's true i kept mitzvos but i kept them at a bare minimum i didn't even learn from lavan see lavan lovan's enthusiasm and love unto energy and lovan's passion for doing the wrong thing was off the charts lovan's passions was next level when he did the wrong thing boy did he put his entire being into it when he did the wrong thing he did it with every ounce of himself you know i did the right thing but i didn't learn from him i failed to learn from him i failed to learn from so yeah we usually learn this rashi as part of my flex i lived with love and kept all mitzvos i didn't learn a bad thing from him but says this beautiful insight no lola monitor i should have learned from him i should have learned from him the passion the excitement the energy the devotion the selflessness that he had to do the wrong thing i could have taken all those qualities and applied them in doing the right thing but let's go back to our core question if you kept all the mitzvos so what do you mean this i never said before what does it mean so i want to share from zaidal epstein who was the mashikiyak of torah or was i nikola i met in the parking lot yesterday who said i heard you've been quoting my grandfather let me send you a forum he writes from here you see the power of the person soul matter shabbat is says you know why this is extremely it's redundant yaakov says i lived with love no we mentioned last year he doesn't say he says to become a resident is to live is to integrate so assimilate garth is milos anger revolver says he remained a stranger i lived with lovan but i stayed an outsider so i was able to live there but i lived there as an outsider and that's how i was uncompromising but if he says tayag mitsu shamarti why do you have to add valamar is an says insight you talk about a partial perspective for today this is something we are experiencing and we are struggling from today and you know what that is we live in a world of people who target mr chamati i go to minion i learned the daf you owe me i volunteer for the kadisha i do said my kids are in yeshiva day school i'm tired mr chamati but still learning from love but really my values my priorities my lifestyle my ostentatiousness my fashion choices in love them they love them you can be an assimilated observant jew and it's a mistake to think that we're not when we are sympathetic to some of the changing mores and values in the veltanchang of the world around us when we are adapting some of that philosophy that added to that approach we give in to some of the isms of our time when we corrupt the torah viewpoint of how we are meant to look at the world and relationships and identity and life how we're meant to look at materialism and physical pleasure and we are assimilating our values as reflected in too many of our lifestyle choices then we can be observant we can be observant students of love you could be assimilated observant jews it could be a assimilated observant jews when we are assimilating the wrong values and we are not rejecting torah is not our force field protecting us but they are penetrating and entering and that's what jose de leche says it's not redundant i lived with love on and i kept all of mitzvos maybe you kept all of mitzvos but really you lived a life like love them maybe you dressed like love and acted like love and made your sinclairs like love and maybe your attitude your philosophy maybe you watch things on netflix like love and maybe target mr marti but you were like no and also it wasn't redundant or extraneous to add that sentence it was critically important because yaakov was saying two things number one i remained observant but number two and i also didn't assimilate and it's an important conversation it's an important conversation to have with ourselves or those around us you could save it for your shabbos table or beforehand but to ask in what ways are we assimilating how have we assimilated in our attitude and our philosophy and our thoughts and our approach in our lifestyle even while yet we are observant even while yet we are observant because being a torah jews being a bento or a bastard is being benay torah does that define us is that our core is our identity is it everything about us even while we engage the world around us and take the best from it i'm not advocating and if you know me you know me well enough to know i don't live this i'm not advocating retreat in isolation live a life where we're not exposed or participating in the best of what the world has to offer but even while we do are we assimilating in or are we judicious in what we choose to adopt and to participate in we can be fully observant and yet be living with love be living with love or like yaakov avinu to be living with love on but not to be to be observing a torah and also not to be living with him and then is it election quotes the beginning of passage kadoshan that begins connotion to you be holy what does it mean be holy the ramban famously there says don't be a novel versus satoru what's a novel versus a torah a manival bishop satora it means when you can check off every box i did nothing wrong let's say every sunday for the football season what is it 16 weeks 20 weeks 14 weeks i'm not trying to show off that i don't know i actually don't know 17 weeks so let's say you say not you know i watch one game or one quarter or one half a week i do it with my children we we bond i do it to relax and reinvigorate to be able to refocus and to have a great weekend there's nothing wrong i'm a sports fan myself i don't think there's anything wrong with utilizing it in the context of a buddhist hashem but let's say somebody says when i wake up sunday morning i have to go to the early minion because by 7 a.m i'm already tailgating and i'm already eating and drinking and barbecuing because i got to watch the nfl pregame then i watch four games in a row then i spend my night with the post games then i analyze my what do you call it my fantasy league and that's my sunday and then you become you leave your wife what's called a football an nfl widow and your children become nfl orphans because my sunday's 12 14 hours the pregame four games the the tailgate the eating during the evening after the post game so the ramban says you come to such a person you say is that what hashem wants from you and they say what are you talking about the tailgate all the ingredients were kosher everything had no you khafke high standards all the bread was pasty straw what are you talking about the shrita was was the best that's out there we even davin marve at halftime we had vartora i think in between the second and third game so the ramban would say that's a novel bursha satora again i'm not rejecting sports altogether i enjoy too in moderation judiciously but a person could live a life of novel british satoru technically i check every box i've done nothing wrong but it is what you're doing right it says jose del epstein that's the insight here so good i probably should have saved it for shabbos for the drasha such a good insight are we assimilated observant jews are retiring but in love on god but we're still living with love or are we tiring mitsubishi marty and below but we're being careful what we adapt and what we learn next next target what do you mean i think we shared this previously in another name we'll share it this year in the name of the sith it appears in this wonderful new safer as well how could he say time mr shamati 20 years he didn't see his parents we have a little mitzvah when it comes to parents called what do you mean i observed all 613. you didn't keep it you weren't in israel you were outside the land of israel you didn't take my service you didn't observe the mitsubishi by the way yakov i hate to bring it up but you were married to two sisters that's a no-no torah says you're not allowed to marry two sisters what do you mean please send the message to my brother imlavangate but there's no how could you say you observed mitzvos the commentary rather kirya safer and it's in his introduction kira safer is not just a town near modeen in israel today it was a beautiful commentary in rama and others the kira safer rights kisha in the beginning we believe that when a person has when a person has committed themselves to do something hashem asks when a person says yeah i see myself doing it i'm prepared to do it i want to do it i'm ready to do it i will do it it is as if they've done it when a person declares when a person commits when a person pronounces when a person is devoted that they're going to do it the torah says that they offered the passage even before they did because once they accept it upon themselves to do it we say this in our vernacular you asked me to do it what do i say to you it's as good as it's as good as done you don't have to ask me again you asked me to do something and i said yes and when i said yes the fact that i said yes to what you asked me to do it makes it as good as it's as good as done you know it's as good as done so says the carrier safer that when we learn torah we learn mitzvos we may not be in a place a time we may not be ready ourselves to do something but when we say done done and done done and done it's as good as done then it's as if we already did it and that's what it means when yaakov says how's that possible he can't possibly observe all 6 13 he didn't have that opportunity where he was the answer was but he was ready to and when you're ready to do a mitzvah it's you did it and he continues and this we shared previously because he mean i safeguard it you can safeguard by learning studying committing talking about it you could safeguard by being committed to it he never said i kept it because you're right that would be impossible he says i safeguarded i protected it i protected by learning talking thinking committing pledging and promising to it but more than that the word shamar doesn't only mean to safeguard you know what else it means it means to look forward to to anticipate to count down where do we see that later when yaakov will be waiting for yosef's return yaakov is inconsolable he refuses to accept the possibility that yosef is gone forever it says it says that yaakov he longed to counted he anticipated to yosef's return the word shamar that's what it means to be a shabbos the after of the obi-sarah says shamashanas is not just on shabbos shabbos is all week long when you look forward to it and you long and you count down and you turn friday into arab shabbos so tariq mitsu marti means the whole time i lived with love on and i was precluded and prevented from keeping mitzvos mitsu marti i never stopped longing and waiting i never stopped anticipating and get excited for when i would be able to come back and keep them again someone could have been in auschwitz someone could have been in the concentration camp and said i kept hiring mitzvos there what do you mean you kept talking missus there you had to eat not kosher you couldn't keep shabbos you couldn't keep mitzvahs you never downloaded meenam and matsas what are you talking about the answer is the entire time i thought about the mitzvos i talked about and i committed to them and i pledged and i promised that i'd get out i'd keep them and i looked forward and i belonged to when i'd returned to them once again and that's what tariq mitzvah shamarti means a very very beautiful insight the hida has a comment he did keep it he learned the laws he was ready to do it the only thing missing was actually doing it and he couldn't do it not because of his own fault he was honest he was exempt because he technically couldn't do it so in other words every time we do a mitzvah there are several components we learn about it we have to commit to doing it and then we do it two out of the three he did he learned about it and the commitment was there doing it that was out of his hands um to home why did he send this message let's go back to the very beginning why did he send this message is he flexing t4 okay the messenger shows up and says hi your brother yaakov i work for him he wants you to know that he's so sorry he would have been here sooner but he was held up because he was working for the evil loving for 20 years a share and he just wants to let you know that even while he was working for the most 20 years he observed mitzvos the entire time and he never learned from the wickedness of love him why why was that an important message to communicate wanted to make sure asap knew something asap maybe you assume that for 20 years i've been sliding away for 20 years i couldn't keep kebab aim i didn't have a yeshiva i'd never based majesh i wasn't near mom and dad i didn't have mitsubisha to lose but i'm married to two sisters which is a violation of the very law that i've been advocating for so asap maybe you're going to take some kind of joy or maybe you think that i'm vulnerable because you think that i'm off the dark yeah we grew up together twins you all along were a little tattler i was in the basement sitting and learning and now you're going to have some kind of wicked joy by the thought that i too went off to derek and joined you and you're going to think you're going to bring me down you think you're going to be able to take me down because i lost my edge just want to let you know target that i never stopped observing i never stopped keeping yaakov by the way unless you think that i assimilated into love and i and i rose to become some type of leader aristocrat royalty wealthy powerful in love and home garthy i was a gayer because i was uncompromising because i remained steadfast took my convictions yeah i was an outsider i was an outsider it was amara and eve love on sonam says we were at each other's throats we were enemies i never assimilated into what he wanted to know my brother mitzvah i have not rejected one mitzvah the two sisters ah i have an excuse i have an out a technical reason it was okay so that is the message that is an interpretation perhaps into what the messages he was getting across but let's keep going because it's already getting late we haven't yet started let me base it out turn the page so now jakob does his threefold preparation military diplomacy gifts and prayer but he's still nervous and he says he says maybe maybe i'm unworthy maybe i become so diminished by all the goodness and the kindness that hashem has shown me nikola ms we're not going to revisit in previous years we spoke about i understand why a person's become diminished because god has been gracious for them the goodness god did but why would they become diminished because of the ms if it's truth and if it's just then why should they be diminished why should they lose out on their merits because of it we discussed that previously many instances on katoti but i want to share with you a couple more a couple more insights on the word katanti what was yaakov thinking what exactly was yaakov worried about when he says i've become diminished from all the goodness and the kindness that hashem has shown me so the joseph leblin the great joseph you see a person's humility you see a person's humility the media of another when a person is in distress crisis so you see the real humility of a person in two circumstances when that person has this epiphany or awakening that god is great and i'm so nothing that a person is humbled by the greatness the vastness of god and in contrast just how small how finite how mere mortal we are or when a person is in crisis who's arrogant while they're in crisis when they're in crisis they say i need i depend i rely only on hashem so this is what he's saying to hashem katontin yaakov is offering a prayer to hashem and he says let me be katonti let my humility stem from the recognition of how great you are and not stem from being in a state of crisis in other words my humility can be driven either by an absolute learning and awareness of how great you are or the humility can be driven by crisis hashem let the humility be driven by an awareness of who you are svasamas the great gary rebbe understands differently he says i am diminished from all of your he says no tonti that which i live with humility if i merit to be humble that too is one of the hasadam you've done for me arrogant people don't live happy lives a person is arrogant their ego fills the whole room they're not really in a relationship with people around them they think they are it's a blind spot they don't even know they're not so yaakov says the fact that i'm humble is itself one of the khasadam that you've done for me what was he afraid of what was he afraid of exactly is this some the fact that he says hashem what if i'm unworthy and what if therefore i'm vulnerable and what if my brother asap he takes me down and therefore he dives to hashem okay i'm afraid penavov he's going to come and strike me i'm abundant he's going to destroy my family everything i've built up everything i've merited the great yakov the bahrir almost the choice of all the patriarchs now has a crisis of faith where is his ammuna what happened to his faith isn't he challenging god shouldn't a person say look i have to do what he asked of me like the ramban's introduction to our pressure i have to take my initiative diplomacy and war military and prayer and now i'm good to go now i have no fear at all instead he says i've done those three things and yet i'm still afraid isn't that a crisis of faith the great yaakov is worried don't we preach each week at the living of the moon shir let go let god do what you need to and then know that he's in charge submit and surrender you'll be happier you'll lead a healthier life yaakov never listened to living with a moon asher so says the abarbanel did not stem from a failure of faith this is along the lines of their hambang's introduction this is part of heshtadlis when you act so macho and you don't have any butterflies in your stomach and you have no nervous nervousness then you're not living in the rules of nature he says the following i'll just summarize it because there's so much more we want to cover the abarth says the following you know parents among the scariest kind of children to have is a fearless child you know the child is willing to jump off of a high thing a child who's the thrill seeker is willing to do anything child who's not afraid of anything for a parent that is devastatingly frightful to have a child who's fearless that's really really really really scarily scary because the way the natural order works the way hashem created us and his world is that fear creates healthy boundaries fear a shtickle anxiousness makes us prepare makes us take caution makes us mindful there's a healthy dose of anxiousness there's a healthy dose of nervousness there's a healthy dose of fear that guides us to live a safe and secure and protected life when a child is fearless those parents don't sleep at night because who knows what that child will do what they'll jump off of how fast they'll drive where they'll go what they'll attempt scary if a kid is fearless so says the abar banel when he says yaakov i'm not going to lie hashem i did the three things i'm supposed to do and i'm still a little bit nervous and i find that so validating i find that so empowering because when we're still a little bit nervous that's healthy that's okay that too is an expression of amunah see yaakov takes that nervousness that anxiousness yaakov takes that little edge on our behind the bema podcast we speak to lots of very prominent people and one of the questions we often ask is do you get nervous we just asked that recently to avram freed to rabbi huawei jacobson we asked do you still get nervous mariano rivera great picture of the yankees would ask did you get nervous when you got on the mound do you still get nervous do you get nervous we've never had a great person say no not at all i've done it a million times i'm the best at what i do i prepared so i'm not nervous they all say absolutely and the day i don't get nervous is the day i retire is the day i'm done those nervous butterflies that little anxiousness that's a driver it's healthy but what yaakov does with it is what we're meant to do with it what does yaakov do with it he turns it into a prayer i'm a little bit nervous about to go on the big stage about to take the microphone shabashu with russia a big audience a great privilege a great opportunity and a great responsibility to try to inspire and elevate to try to share a great message i get nervous i get very nervous do you know what i try to do like yaakov please let it get all worked out please put the right words in my mouth please let it go smoothly please in the age when we use technology let the technology work to channel the nervousness and anxiousness into its fila so it's an important important insight of the abar banel is don't say don't say don't get nervous that's a failure or crisis of faith say get nervous get nervous and turn that nervousness into its fila just like yaakov avinu so they're on their way for this reunion at night yaakov they're traveling forgets the pakham kitanam an allusion to hanukkah in parties vayishlach often there is an overlap and yaakov goes back to retrieve the pakham katana on these small jugs and like the pakham of the basa mikdash and illusion he goes back he finds himself alone and he wrestles with the angel until daybreak we've also spoken about this a million times listen to previous year and we're not going to review it we do not eat from the get anasha we do not eat from the sciatic nerve until today in commemoration the ayaka was injured he walked away with a limp his kuni asks normally when we win we have a mitzvah to eat not to stop eating something this is kind of bizarre yaakov defeats sarushal asav yaakov defeats his alter ego yaakov defeats the itsahara yaakov defeats the satan i have to be careful last night i spoke at a bristi asfardes farden don't have asham zakhar they have a british the night before the bris and i was talking about yaakov wrestling with the satan and yakov wrestled with the angel the satan and a woman screamed from the other room we don't say that word in this house stop saying the name it's a little uh little ayan hara i was a little startled but i was also a little inspired you know we're like satan satan bring it on do we really believe in him do we know what it is do we really care she was like he's real for me stop saying his name he's not welcome in this house i was startled but also impressed and inspired so yaakov wrestles with his alter ego and he triumphs he walks away he defeats the alter ego so normally everybody knows the old jewish joke they tried to kill us we won let's see this is they tried to kill him he won tony donate the sciatic nerve the husky has it all together different interpretation if you want to hear it you'll have to listen to one of the previous years but i want to bring your attention this year to something new and that is unkos uncles the tag monkos the great aramaic 2nd century translator of torah writes on these words we just used it with the ramban's introduction to our parsha if i had to reduce the theme this is the theme of the pasha hishtables translates the word to wrestle as to try every time we try we're wrestling with our alter ego what an unclass we're not always going to win we're not always going to succeed we're not always going to break through but we have to try we have to try that is our mission that is our responsibility to wrestle is to try is to willing to try how many people don't even try because they're afraid to fail they're afraid to fail so it's easier to not try than it is to try and fail there are people professionally who are stuck they have no ambition they've never stretched they've never left their comfort zone there are people socially never left their comfort zone their people in total have never left their comfort zone there are people in their relationships who've never tried their people in their health and wellness have never tried because they're afraid to fail to try is to wrestle to wrestle is to try and that's all we can be asked i call your attention to the rambam and the ram says says try to do truva it's a funny mitzvah he doesn't say the rambam try to light the menorah try to keep shabbos try to keep kosher but when it comes to trouba he says try yesterday try let me try it's a mitzvah you have to do chuva do chuva let me try to do chufa so i think based on this unclass this is my own idea based on this unclass you could suggest what the rambam i'm saying is what is truva shiva is the experience of wrestling with ourselves wrestle with yourself make an effort try try don't be a coward don't be afraid to fail fail forward if you fail if you fail the mishna says you know that's when the rabbi is recruiting you to lead the committee that's what the rabbi will always invoke this mission please be the gabba please chair the committee please work on the effort but there's no one else willing to do it we need you is step up and be the man be the woman take control but the rama says it's not what the mishna means the mishna doesn't mean when no one else is willing to do it you step up and do it that's not the nishna the rama says you know what the mishna means you know what where's the where's the place that there are no other people in your head in your heart and in your soul where you live and you live alone when you live when no one sees you when you're living privately when you're living in your innermost chamber when you're living in your own head in that in your own head which is a makham shayna hashem that's where hashtag wrestle to become the person you're meant to be all of us are demons all of us have negative thoughts all of us have those voices that sabotage our success the rama was saying is shut them down shut those voices down in our own psyche and in our own heads in our own place that there's no one else there's no one to lean on no one to rely on there's no tony robbins there's no motivational speaker there's no charlie arari there's no rabbi yy jacobson there's no one in your head it's you you're right now falling asleep you're in the shower you're driving in your car and you're having that conversation with yourself that says you're not worthy you won't succeed don't bother trying take the easy way out but in your head in that place that's when hashtag step up man up woman up shut it down that voice and realize who you could be and go become that person where'd the rama get that from that's the taj that's the interpretation of the mission of navals hashem in a place that there's no one else where to get it from he got it from this unclas what it means to wrestle every time we make an effort take initiative and we try we are wrestling with ourselves we're wrestling with others when we're facing inertia when we're fighting the obstacles or impediments in our way it can be family can be friends it can be nature it can be socially it can be a pandemic sometimes we have to face and confront forces fighting against us but one of those forces is our own voice in our own head estrade but hashem in a place that there's no one else that's where we in the conversation in our own head wrestle be willing to wrestle be willing to go to the mat be willing to wrestle even if it means even if it means you're making yourself vulnerable to getting injured sometimes when we wrestle and we put ourselves out on a limb we leave our comfort zone and we agree to speak publicly we agree to share that event we agree to go to that place we agree to take on that that uh lifestyle change we agreed to make that commitment learning or living whatever it is sometimes we may walk away like yaakov did we may walk away limping it didn't go exactly as we thought when we put ourselves in the public light now people spoke about us now they wrote comments about us now they sent us nasty emails so we got injured like yaakov nevertheless that is our responsibility okay let's get let's fast forward let me get to another part of the power show for our last ten minutes or so together and that is the story of dina lam and dallas chapter 34 pasagawa verse one they have the reunion it goes well at least on the surface asap says listen we're brothers arm and arm no let's go yaakov says let's quit while we're behind we press our let's not press our luck you go your way i got a big family they're very slow i've got a whole entourage they keep stopping they have to dive in chakras you know you you go we'll meet up sometime in the future paragliding we have the story of dina dina the daughter of leia born to yaakov lest you think leia had some extra marital affair deena the daughter of leia who was also born to yaakov went out by tate say she went out she went out she went out wide lyres bibinozar she went to go check out what's going on the local pub the local club the well where everyone hangs out to find the shidduch single scene she goes out and whom does she meet lo and behold the single scene careful what you wish for she runs into the son of hamor and he rapes her he rapes her there's no consent hashtag me too he rapes her but tidbak nafsha medina basiaco but you know what after he rapes his victim he actually falls in love he falls for his victim and he says no let's get married he says to his father i found the one i found the girl the yaakov shamaki tenements of ears that his daughter had been raped that his daughter had been violated khamar comes and says no let's talk let's make the shadows close the deal um meanwhile dina's brothers come in from the field and they hear what had happened and they say this can't go so we all know the story they say look it's a beautiful we'll close the deal but our sister is not marrying somebody's uncircumcised you and all the people of the town get circumcised and then we'll we'll have the wedding the third day after the circumcision the most vulnerable in the recovery process they go and they slaughter and they wipe out the whole town yaakov becomes irate yaakov says to them le'veon shimon what did you do impetuous what did you do so impulsive what did you do you risked our safety they're surely going to take revenge are you crazy and even later parties was giving the brothers on his deathbed to his children he's still holding on to this resentment le'veon shimon you risked it all everything i built and everything i achieved when you act so impulsively and impetuously what were you thinking all the way later in practice and lady and she would say i'll tell you what we were thinking nobody's going to turn our sister into a harlot kazona nobody's going to turn our sister into a zona that's what we were thinking but that didn't answer jacob's question yaakov says but you risked our lives that was dangerous you think yaakov says you think i wasn't offended yeah i wasn't bothered too so here we have the story but the story begins with what how is it introduced with vatitina the dino went out dino and the magistrate tells us about dina going out together one who burst forth one who pierces a boundary will get bit by a snake whom is that possibly talking about dina what boundary what boundary did she break through everyone else was at the parshashir and dina said ah i want to go out everyone else stayed home and played romika everybody else played stayed home and at art night everybody else stayed home and packed um shabba's boxes that tate seidina dina says i got to check out the nightlife here i can't be stifled a year and a half of corona is enough already quarantine distancing i just want to go out i just want to go out says the majestan that's what got her raped fatih dina because she insisted she had to go out when she should have been a little bit more modest and humble and stayed home dibrika online he says the safely torah here saying come darshami what are we talking about dina how old is dina dina is a young woman if i tell you the major says her age it'll make it even more perplexing she's eight years old so what does that mean she wanted to go out she wanted to go play mahanayama what was she going out to do she wasn't going to the club so what does that mean but the bali muslim explained the best and she should have understood it but means i want to curiously go explore the world out there maybe my world that i grew up in maybe what my parents have shown me and modeled for me and taught me and exposed me to it's not enough but they say i want to study other religions i want to know what life is like on the college campus i want to go experience the whole world and what it's out i want to go live in that community and be part of that world vatate she was unsatisfied with the world of yaakov and the world of leia she wanted to see more and again says rip zeidel epstein coming back that's the problem of chanukah what happened in hanukkah he says the era of the evonim was the syrian greeks thought that they could they could bring us down how when they would cause us to forget your torah it doesn't say it says to cause them to forget your torah meaning we have a life we have a lifestyle are we beneath our is that our identity is it who we are yes we participate yes we contribute yes we are exposed to the greater world around us but do we realize first and foremost who we are and what our world is and what is about or about do we want to go out are we so curious do we feel so stifled that we have to see what it's all about i was on a plane this week while i was doing work on the plane i had there was a a um documentary about a princess die diana in the royal family you know we're royalty jewish people are royalty and we have the rules of royalty and if you're curious and you want to see what life is like on the other side things happen i'm not saying the queen had died killed i'm not saying she didn't i'm not saying she did i'm not talking about diana right now i'm just saying you look at what happened you're curious to go out and to experience outside of royalty until the sun says i no longer consider myself i don't even want to be part of royalty and the next thing you know assimilation so dina when dina says this yiddish home this jewish home but i'm curious but i want to see but what else is out there it means that there was a failure in the upbringing the geshmaq to be a yid again that doesn't mean that you can't experience parts in the right way in moderation in a safe way with boundaries but she says i want to leave it behind and i want to go out and i want to experience the world so there's an election that was the problem that was the challenge of the ivana to cause us to forget that we who we are in our identity and in our core the babachirabas has a different interpretation bear with me a couple more minutes i apologize for going overtime but i'll make it worth your while says [Applause] why does the torah identify her as dina basleya oh also by the way yaakov was her father but she is really dean of the daughter of leia rashid there says because leia went out she learned it from leia shafi attanas rosso leia went out to greet yaakov just like leia was a yatzanus leia was one who went out that's who dina learned from she learned from her mother her mother went out she was curious and wanted to go out and wonders rashid why are we bringing leia down with this deena went out she then got raped she was somebody who went out we're being critical of a yatzanus if somebody goes out oh she got that media from her mother her mother was like that too her mother went out and the raya the the puss like that we bring a proof from leia went out why she didn't go to a club or a bar leia where did she go to greet yaakov leia did a beautiful thing nothing wrong when leia went out in order to greet yakova's because she wanted to procreate she wanted to have more children she wanted to bring more holy tribes into the world leia did a virtuous thing so why are we invoking as an example what leia did for going out in order to be critical of deena ford as well so the baba sheba says the following whole life was to defend the jewish people the rebels spent his entire life reading history and reading the jewish meshamah not to see something to be critical of but to see something to praise and he says we got it all wrong it's not that dina is identified or associated with leia because leia were critical of she went out and dina went out leia did the right thing by going out and so did dina he says where was dina where was dina in this whole story when they met asav what did yaakov do with dina when they met asaph he locked her in a suitcase and he locked it why because he was worried what was he worried about he was worried net he was worried that asa would be smitten from this dina and then he would take her and what would happen dina would go off the dara she married asaf so torah tells us yaakov was punished for hiding and locking dina in a suitcase thinking that she would convert go off the dark days of why because shem attacks the iran al-muttov because the opposite would have happened leia's charisma leia's buying personality leia's compelling leia would have actually brought asa back dina sorry could have thank you for still listening dina could have brought dina could have brought isa back could you imagine a world in which yaakov and asia got along we don't have a world of ace of ace of sonas yakov it could have been ace of love yaakov we would not have to be facing christian oppression throughout the millennia including the holocaust would have never happened that asia would have loved us and why didn't asap fall in love with us because yaakov didn't have faith that leia could bring him back he locked leia down dina sorry yaakov didn't have faith that dina could bring him back he locked dina down um says the rebbe said dina was so great so persuasive so charismatic so compelling she could have inspired and brought back she could have made asav into its sadiq so what do you see like tate say dina dina going out was a good thing what is la baba charaba saying about dina she's the first kira professional dina is the first liar she's the first shrikha she's going out in shlokas dina is going out so while while we read the criticism everyone else was staying home to play rubble cub everybody else was packing tom cruise everybody else was listening to the parashes here but they say dina she had to go out this yatsanas says the bachelorette no she was a yatsanas like her mother they were on they were out doing kirif they were out doing outreach they were out like the disco rabbi we had them behind the bema or by grossman the great disco rabbi grossman miguel or magdala amec if you didn't listen to that episode you must go back and listen the great rabbi grossman who went into the disco the disco rabbi leia was ready to the atsanas in the positive sense to go out into the disco the babies reads this and he flips the entire thing on its head and well i want this let me tell you one more it's rav ruben feinstein i told you i'd like to share the news foreign people send so send me a news form and i share them this is a safer nahur shalom by raven feinstein shlita i thank my great friend lenny friedman for sending me this and he says the following will end with this he also invokes the very same questions dina did you do something different by going out yatsanas vaslaya we already established dean is considered by the torah be the daughter of leia where dean is counted among the children of leia here though we see even more than that not only the torah refereeding is the daughter of leia even though the egg she grew from originating in the womb of rochelle we see also that dina even adopted the tendencies of her birth mother of her birth mother what do mean by the statement that lei and dina both possess the trait of being yatsanas it's important to understand that this trait like all attributes is not intrinsically good or bad rather it is simply an ability or tendency that can be utilized by a person either properly or improperly when hazard said that they're explaining that leia possessed the ability to overcome a natural inclination to stay out of the limelight to avoid calling attention to oneself and to act with extreme humility when the situation called for her to do so for example the very place where the torah calls leia son above there leia had to approach her husband inform him that she had been awarded the right to be with him that evening certainly not necessarily the most gentle conversation she might have had however because the conversation was for the sake of a mitzvah it was a praiseworthy course of action and she had no trouble carrying it out what was the result of her openness she merited would go on to tour on the learning of torah another positive application the trait of yatsanas is speaking publicly to other women asari menu seems to have done presumably leia's nature allowed her to overcome any hesitation she had when it came to speaking publicly which is one of the strongest phobias that people experience because it was necessary for someone to fill the role leia would have done so without hesitation while someone was not a yetzanas would have had a far harder time battling their inhibition dina too had the ability to easily overcome her bashful and humble manner she therefore would have made a great speaker and would surely have been able to easily overcome her tendency to be reserved when the situation called for it her undoing here was that she allowed her ability as the azanes to influence her in a situation where it was not warranted another girl who was curious about the culture of local girls might have been held in check by her natural tendency to conform and act as everyone else and therefore not set out to explore dina though possessed an ability to more easily push aside those inhibitions and she did just that her incorrect application this ability allowed dina to explore a foreign environment which cost her dear league so ravruvain feinstein like the rebbe reads this entire passage not in a critical way but actually as a positive what dina had inherited from leia to be a yet sunnis is not that she you know dressed differently and went out and went out on the town and left behind her values but they spin the whole story on the head and say it's a positive thing while others are shy and bashful and inhibited they had the capacity to be a yatzanus that when the situation demanded to leave the comfort zone to take on a role ishta dalios however dina left her comfort zone here inappropriately and that's what led to this terrible consequence as a result there's always a lot more to share i thank you for staying with me a little extra stay happy stay healthy stay holy tomorrow morning ten minutes of meeting tomorrow night morning living with amuna tomorrow night we go behind the bema with david lichtenstein if you've not yet started receiving the partial notes in your inbox you still can subscribe to the newsletter text the letters reg have a fantastic day